"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Jadeite, this isn't the time," said Beryl. "We have to go to the Tokyo indoor stadium!"
"Huh?! Why?!" cried Jadeite. "What's going on?!"
"Jadeite, come on now," said Nephrite. "We talked about this. It's the big Lego fort contest! We have to win!"
"Oh yeah," recalled Jadeite. "Isn't that the thing where we build a statue that is 8 ft. tall minimum, out of small Legos?"
"Duh," said Zoisite. "What did you think it was?"
"Ah," said Jadeite. "Am I part of the team?"
"Yes," said Beryl. "We need all the builders we can get, as there is a twelve hour time limit."
"I got the glue covered," said Kunzite.
"So do I," said Endymion.
"Grrrr," said Kunzite. "Why can't I be the only gluer, Queen Beryl?"
"Sorry," said Beryl. "But one gluer simply isn't efficient enough."
"Why do we have to glue Legos?" asked Jadeite. "Don't they stick on their own?"
Everyone just shook their heads sadly at Jadeite's naivety.
"You have a lot to learn," sighed Zoisite.
"Foolish boy," mumbled Nephrite.
Jadeite was mad. He clenched his fist.
"When are we going?" asked Kenji.
"Now," said Beryl. "We have to sign in!"
She put them all in a red bubble, and started flying them across the Pacific Ocean.
"WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEE!" yelled Jadeite. "You should take us for rides more often, Queen Beryl! It's like some kind of carnival!"
Kenji, however, wasn't amused, and was in fact shaking like a leaf due to his fear of heights.
"I think I'm gonna be sick," he yelled.
"Kenji," said Nephrite. "Hang in there. You need to live until the contest. After that I don't care what becomes of you."
"Right," said Kenji.
They finally flew straight through the door of the convention center, and the bubble disappeared, sending them flying.
Kenji landed on a table to break his fall; otherwise he would have died.
They walked up to the line, where competitors were waiting to sign in.
"This is gonna be good!" said Kunzite.
"Shut up," said Endymion.
"GrrrR!" said Kunzite. "I was almost going to have fun, but then you invite this man!"
"Settle down, boys," said Beryl. "You were both in the wrong there."
"How was I in the wrong?!" said Kunzite.
"Boys," said Beryl. "Pls."
Kunzite started to cry.
Zoisite handed him a handkerchief. "I've been there," said Zoisite. "That time Nephrite took my job, for example."
"Haha," said Nephrite.
"Are we allowed to bring toast in?" asked Kenji.
"As long as it's not outside Lego blocks or pre-built structures, it's fine," promised Beryl. "They'll pat us down to make sure."
Nephrite had Lego blocks in his mouth, of special colors that he knew he couldn't find at the contest.
He couldn't open his mouth anymore until they made it in.
Finally they reached the pat down.
"Don't touch me," said Zoisite, slapping away a man's hand.
As punishment, they pummeled him.
Once Zoisite was immobile, they were able to pat him down.
"You're good," they said.
They patted down the rest.
"Now open your mouths," they commanded.
"Mmm?" asked Nephrite.
"Yes," said the men. "Last year some guy brought in colors that were not given out here. It was easy to catch them because we knew what colors we gave out."
"Mmmmm," said Nephrite.
"Quick!" said Beryl. "Swallow the evidence!"
Nephrite didn't want to do it, but he knew he had no choice.
"Ouch," he said.
He opened his mouth.
"Good," they said.
Now it was time to sign in.
Beryl was the first to get the clipboard, as the team captain.
There was a slot for first and last name, and nothing else.
She wrote "Queen," as the first name, and "Beryl," said the last name.
Then she handed it off to Endymion.
Endymion examined it. "What is my name?" he asked.
"Not important," said Beryl. "And it's better you don't know."
"Drat," said Endymion. "I'll just put Evil and Endymion for my first and last name. Who's regular Endymion, I wonder?"
"No one," said Beryl. "He died."
Which wasn't a lie.
Next was Kenji, who wrote in proudly, Kenji Tsukino.
He handed the paper to Nephrite.
"Ah!" said Nephrite. "Maxfield Stanton makes the scene!"
Nephrite gave the paper to Zoisite, and Zoisite without hesitation signed in as Motoki Furuhata.
"Who do I write?" asked Kunzite.
"Your mom," taunted Endymion.
Kunzite shook his fist, and decided to write a generic Japanese name.
Then he handed the paper to Jadeite.
Jadeite stared at it for a long time.
"Huh," he said. "I never thought about it before, but I do not have a last name."
"None of us do," said Nephrite.
"No," said Jadeite. "This isn't right!"
"Just write J. Dite," said Kenji. "You've used that name in the past."
"That's not the point!" said Jadeite.
"Well, even if that's not the point," said Beryl. "You gotta put it in anyway. We need you on the team."
"I can't," said Jadeite. "It says full first name, and full last name."
"J. spelled Jay?" offered Nephrite.
"No," said Jadeite.
He wrote Jadeite for first name, and then handed in the paper.
"You need to put your first and last name," said the guy, bouncing the paper back.
"Why?" said Jadeite. "Does it really matter? Like really, does it matter in the grand scheme of things?"
"Just write a fake last name," said Zoisite.
"No," said Jadeite. "I can't do that."
"You gotta have a first and last name," repeated the man. "Or you can't enter."
"I do not want to disclose my last name," said Jadeite. "I'm very famous."
"Then just write a fake last name," said the guy. "It really doesn't matter. You just need to fill out all the blanks."
Jadeite left.
"Looks like we're going without him," said Beryl.
"But wait!" said Nephrite. "We had all the roles already assigned! Who's going to do the base now?!"
"Hmm," said Beryl. "We need to find a replacement, and fast!"
Gamer Joe was leaning against the wall, talking on his cell phone.
"Yeah, yeah," he said.
That's when he was abducted and forced to build for the Dark Kingdom.
"Hey!" said Joe. "I'm on another team!"
"Sorry," said Kunzite sadly. "But that won't do."
That's when Gamer Joe recognized Zoisite.
"Hey!" he said. "I know you! I have a bone to pick with you, young man!"
"Alright," said Zoisite. "You can pick my bones if you want. I'm ready when you are."
"Never mind," said Joe, backing down. "Just pass me some blocks, yo."
"Alright," said Kunzite. "Just make sure to use the biggest blocks instead of using two blocks in place of a big block. It promotes the structural integrity of the structure!"
"Yeah yeah," said Joe. "This isn't my first time at the rodeo. What are we building, anyway?"
"We're building Metalia's pod," explained Beryl. "We're going to take a picture when we win, and show it to her."
"I don't know what that is," said Joe.
"Just follow my lead," said Kenji.
"Good idea," said Nephrite. "Kenji, show him the ropes."
"Just make sure you can keep up," sneered Kunzite.
"Don't have that attitude," said Joe. "You abducted me."
They were sitting on the floor like young kids, as they slowly built their structure.
"Wanna see something cool?" asked Joe.
"No," said Zoisite. "Maybe after the contest."
"No, look!" insisted Joe.
He used his powers to float a block onto the structure.
"I can do that too, bozo," said Zoisite. "I do it with crystals all the time. In fact, I did it with your crystal."
"Hater," scoffed Joe.
He continued to very slowly levitate blocks on.
"Hey guys," said Kenji. "Do you think it's too late to change our structure into a giant toaster?"
"Yes, fool," said Kunzite. "The pieces are already glued together."
"Shut up, Kunzite," said Endymion.
"Beryl!" yelled Kunzite. "Did you hear that?!"
Beryl shrugged.
"Hmm," said Zoisite. "Maybe we should build a toaster. It'd be a pretty funny build. And I don't know if we can win with something no one knows about."
"Shut up," said Beryl.
"Shut up," said Zoisite.
"Hey!" said Beryl. "Don't talk to your queen that way! You can talk to each other like that, I don't care. But watch who you're talking to. If you do that again, we'll change the structure to a coffin, and put you in it!"
Zoisite zipped his lips, not wanting to face death.
The Shitennou diligently built.
"Amateurs," sneered a voice, one station over.
It was Melvin.
"You have such amateur form," he said. "And you're just using random colored blocks."
"It's how the design is," said Zoisite. "Idiot."
"Why are you here, nerd?" demanded Nephrite.
"Same reason as you," said Melvin. "To win. However, I'll be successful, and you will not, as our form has been mastered for many years. We built this structure 20 times in our homes, and went through 20 glue bottles."
"Ha!" scoffed Kunzite. "We built ours 30 times!"
"Ooooh, you're scarin' me!" said Melvin. He paused for a long time.
He paused for so long that they thought the conversation was over, and went back to working.
"NOT!" yelled Melvin finally.
All his nerds cackled in agreement.
"Heh," said Evil Endymion. "Your glasses must be fogged, because if you think you're gonna win after seeing our structure, well, that's the only way you could!"
"Hmph!" said Melvin. "We're gonna win by a landslide!"
"Your sculpture will be a landslide, of blocks falling out of place! Due to your lack of skill!" said Kenji.
"Yeah!" said Nephrite.
"Yeah!" said Kunzite.
"Shut up, Kunzite," said Endymion.
"RRRRR!" said Kunzite.
That's when Kunzite decided he had enough.
He struck out against Endymion, unleashing a mighty punch.
But Endymion was a swift guy, and leapt out of the way.
Kunzite's punch collided with Metalia's half-finished pod, tossing a chunk off.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Beryl. "You fool! That's it, you're getting benched."
Kunzite pouted and went to the bench.
"You can come back in an hour," said Beryl.
"Hang in there," said Zoisite.
"Watch where you're shooting, Tex," said Endymion.
Kunzite just growled.
"Wow," said Melvin. "How do you expect to come together to create art when you aren't even all on the same page? Lego building is a synchronized activity, and requires teamwork without any animosities amongst each other."
"Zip it, nerd boy!" said Nephrite. "What are you building, anyway?"
"Ah," said Melvin. "We are recreating Sailor V, as seen in the Sailor V anime Season 2, episode 14, where her skirt was colored purple instead of blue during one still frame. That's infamous in the Sailor V community, as it's rumored to be her evil clone swapping out with her for a millisecond."
"You idiot," said Nephrite. "No one knows that obscure reference."
"You're wrong," said Melvin. "I posted a theory about it that has 1 trillion views."
"How's that even possible?" said Zoisite.
Melvin laughed loudly. "Obviously you haven't heard of YouTube watch bots!"
"Alright, kid," said Nephrite. "We don't have time for you. Go back to your millisecond."
"It goes further than that," scoffed Melvin. "In season 6, my theory was actually confirmed, when Sailor V's boyfriend states that she has darkness in her heart."
The Shitennou couldn't waste any more time, as they were starting to theorize that Melvin's sole purpose was distracting other teams, as they didn't see him place one block the whole time.
"I'm actually the director," said Melvin, reading their thoughts with iMindread, his new app. "I am the captain, and I'm doing the proper captain role of organizing block placement."
On his Macbook Pro that doubled as a tablet, he had blue prints of the structure, and he was telling each nerd where to place each block.
"They're gonna be tough," admitted Kenji. "We should have gone with the toaster. It's more simple, and it's only a couple colors."
"It will look lazy," decided Zoisite.
"Just keep building," said Beryl.
Jadeite walked into Town Hall.
"I need a last name!" he said. "It's the only way."
"Okay," said the clerk. "Fill out this name change application, pay the fee, and you'll be good."
"Alright," said Jadeite.
He sat down and filled out the application.
He handed it back to the person.
"The last name is a necessity," said Jadeite. "I can't be known as only Jadeite. My family must have a name to live on!"
"Alright," said the clerk, examining the application. "Wait," she said. "You need to put a last name."
"I did," said Jadeite. He pointed to where he put what he wanted his new last name to be.
"I put McSwag," said Jadeite. "Jadeite McSwag."
"I know," said the lady. "But you need to put your CURRENT last name, in order for us to process the paperwork."
"You misunderstand," said Jadeite. "I do not have a last name. My name is Jadeite."
"Well, you must have a last name," said the lady. "What's on your birth certificate?"
"I don't have one!" screamed Jadeite.
"Look," said the lady. "I know you must not like your last name, since you're changing it, however, since you're gonna change it though, it's no longer your last name. So just put it down and stop holding up the line. You need to put a last name."
"I don't have one!" shouted Jadeite again.
That's when Jadeite lost it, and shot lightning out of his palms, killing the woman.
Everyone fled that was in the building, except for a noble man who tried to charge Jadeite with a punch.
Jadeite grabbed the punch, and then snapped the man's arm off. He threw a punch with the man's arm, killing the man, and then Jadeite took his own life, because he didn't want to live in a world where he couldn't have a last name.
"TIME'S UP!" exclaimed the announcer after the twelve hour tournament had ended.
"Fwoo," said Nephrite.
Everyone was sweating.
"Can I go now?" said Joe.
"Yes, you are dismissed," said Beryl.
She killed Joseph.
The judges walked by and examined Metalia's pod.
"What is this supposed to be?" they said.
"Umm," said Beryl.
"It's an abstract piece," said Kenji.
"An original," said Kunzite.
"Ah!" said the judge. "In that case, this is glorious!"
He walked to the next exhibit.
"What the hell is this?" he demanded.
"HAHAHAhaha!" laughed a bunch of goofy teens, who had crafted the male genitalia, 8 feet tall.
"Disqualified!" said the judge, taking a wrecking ball and destroying their art.
"Worth it," said the rowdies.
"Good sculpture!" called Zoisite.
"Wait a second, I know it was a good joke, but isn't that kind of gay to build such a detailed structure?" asked one of the rowdies.
"Nah," assured one of the other rowdies. "It was worth it for a good prank. No homo."
"Yeah, but you're not the one who had to Google the pictures and draw the blueprints," said another boy. "That took a lot of the fun away for me."
"It wasn't that funny," commented one of the other rowdies. "Not worth twelve hours. And then he just tore it down with a wrecking ball. Most people didn't even see it."
Next they went onto Melvin's group, and he was in a frenzy covered in sweat.
"NooOOOO!" he said. "We failed!"
"You need to stop building," said the judge. "The contest is over."
"Shoot," said Melvin.
They had to pry a nerd off the structure, but the nerd didn't go down without a fight.
He stuck a lego up the judge's nose, and then threw a punch into his chest.
The judge threw a knee into the nerd's abdomen, and then an elbow into his neck.
The kid died.
"What is this?" said the judge. "Are you another pack of rowdies?"
"Well," explained Melvin. "To be honest, we were a bunch of pervy boys in our adolescence. We intended to build a sculpture of Sailor V, however we got too hung up on the bust. We spent 2 hours debating on how big it should be. I stated that we should keep it canon, exactly 137 centimeters, but some boys said we should make it bigger. But I wanted to keep it accurate to the scene. And then there was one rowdy boy who said we should make her flatter, because flat is best, so I gave him a stern beating. By the time I finished beating him, it was four hours into the contest. We spent the last eight hours building vigorously, because we wanted to make it as accurate as the original. But in the end all we ended up with was the bust, because of how much time we spent making sure it was perfect. It is perfect. A brilliant piece of art. Frankly I'm not even mad. I got to build what I wanted."
"Whatever," said the judge. "Weird kids."
"Nice breasts," said Nephrite.
"Yes," agreed Kenji. "Reminds me of my daughter's. Not bad."
"Come on now, Kenji," said Beryl. "You disappoint me."
"Haha," said Zoisite. "You lost! Nerds!"
But Zoisite was the only one making fun of the nerds, because frankly no one else cared.
The Shitennou won the contest.
"Nice," said Beryl. "Let's bring this monstrosity home and put it next to Metalia."
But they couldn't get it out of the stadium door.
Kunzite spawned a portal and dropped the sculpture in.
"EEEEAASSSY does it!" said Kunzite.
"The only thing Easy is you," said Endymion.
Kunzite killed him, and then Beryl killed Kunzite.
Kunzite could have dodged the attack and killed Beryl, but he didn't defy her and instead took the hit, and then took the next ten proceeding hits.
Zoisite tried to talk Kunzite out of it, but Kunzite would not listen.
Zoisite tried to attack Beryl, but died.
Nephrite laughed the whole time, as all his enemies had been wiped out at once.
Well, except for one.
Nephrite finished the job and killed Beryl.
"Good work," said Kenji, taking out a piece of toast.
