"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite," said Beryl. "Explain this."

"Explain what?" said Jadeite.

Beryl booted up her ball, and for some reason it had the old Game Cube logo as it launched up.

"Ooh, do you have Mario Kart Double Dash?" asked Jadeite. "I call back of cart! I want to slug people as they drive by."

"No," said Beryl. "It's just my modded start-up screen."

"Shoot," said Jadeite.

Beryl brought up a video of Jadeite as a sea captain.

"Who's that tan man?!" demanded Jadeite angrily.

"What?" said Beryl. "That's you!"

"Huh?!" said Jadeite. "Why is my skin tan? How did that happen?!"

"Shut up," said Beryl. "Maybe you forgot your sunscreen. But come look at this."

Jadeite walked up to the ball and looked into it.

"Wait a minute," said tan Jadeite on screen. "Why am I being so nice?!"

"What's the big deal?" demanded Jadeite.

"Why were you being so nice!?" demanded Beryl.

"I don't know," said Jadeite. "That's what I wanted to know as well."

"Well," said Beryl. "That is unacceptable behavior in our kingdom."

"Sad," said Jadeite, not very apologetically.

"I can't have my Shitennou being nice," continued Beryl. "So until you exhibit proper Shitennou behavior, you're getting benched, sport."

"NO!" said Jadeite. "This can't be!"

"Nephrite!" yelled Beryl. "You're in!"

"Woohoo!" yelled Nephrite.

He leapt off the bench and put on his helmet.

"I am so ready," said Nephrite, stepping onto the hot seat.

"Hey!" said Zoisite, still on the bench. "When do I get to take a spin!?"

"When you get more athletic," said Beryl.

"Shoot," said Zoisite. "The bench is my home."

"Get comfortable," said Kunzite, who had a full tent there, since he knew he'd be there for a while.

Jadeite stormed off.

"Ridiculous!" he said. "I am the evilest man alive!"

He passed by the soda machine, and Nephrite was somehow there.

Jadeite sighed and put in a quarter.

A soda dropped through the chute, and Nephrite picked it up.

"Thanks!" said Jadeite, extending his hand.

But that's when Nephrite drank it.

"Sorry," said Nephrite. "But the soda machine AND its contents belong to me. I bought it from Beryl the other day."

"Grrrrr," said Jadeite. "Why do you put money in it then?"

"It's part of the system," explained Nephrite. "Nothing warms my heart like the clink of a coin."

"Hey," said Jadeite. "What's the most evil thing a person can do?"

Nephrite thought about it.

"Hmm," he said. "If it were me who got benched, I would kill that nerdboy, Marvin."

"Then why don't you do it?" said Jadeite.

"No," said Nephrite. "If Mully found out, I'd be finished. But if YOU on the other hand kill him…"

"No thanks," said Jadeite. "It would be an act of kindness for me to do you a favor."

"I'll get you one day," Nephrite promised Melvin.

Halfway across the world, a shiver went down Melvin's spine.

Jadeite continued on.

"Who's the most evil person I know?" thought Jadeite.

Jadeite teleported to Kenji, who turned out to be in the Negaverse two rooms away from where Jadeite was standing.

"Ah, Kenji," said Jadeite. "What's the most evil thing you can think of?"

"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "You should kill my son Shingle. Actually," said Kenji. "If you were really evil, you'd keep him alive. I make every day of his life a living nightmare."

"Yeah, whatever," said Jadeite. "It'd still be a favor to you to keep Shingle alive. You pretend to hate him and want him dead, but then you'd have nothing to bring up every time you speak."

Kenji stared at Jadeite blankly, as something nearly clicked in his head.

But it didn't. "I like toast," said Kenji.

Jadeite left.

"Jadeite," said Kunzite. "I heard you got benched."

"Yeah," said Zoisite. "We saw that you took your old seat back."

"If you were on the bench then you were in the room," said Jadeite. "So you didn't hear I got benched, you saw me get benched."

"Woah, take it easy there," said Zoisite. "Why so hostile?"

"Shut up," said Jadeite. "I'm apparently not hostile. I'm apparently NICE of all things."

"If you want to be evil," said Zoisite. "You should kill Nephrite."

"That guy has it coming," agreed Kunzite.

"Man," said Jadeite. "You guys all give the same advice. Useless, just trying to get a pawn to take out your enemies."

"Have you considered blacking out the city?" asked Kunzite.

Jadeite stomped his foot, and then left.

Jadeite took a teleport to Kenji's young son, Shingle.

"That kid's a soulless monster," considered Jadeite. "I remember one time he made a bomb threat. Only someone completely heartless would scare people like that."

"Shingle," said Jadeite.

"Gaydite," replied evil Shingle.

Jadeite picked Shingle up by the shirt, and went to throw a punch into his face, ruining his career forever.

But then Jadeite remembered he needed the little punk.

"Shingle," said Jadeite again. "What is the most evil-" then Jadeite changed his mind. "I don't want to be TOO evil," he said. "Shingle, if you were going to pull a friendly prank, what would it be?"

"Hmmmmmm," thought Shingle. "I would order 100 dishes in a restaurant and flee without paying!"

"Can't do that," said Jadeite. "I tried it once with Zoisite. It did not work out in my favor."

"Hmmmm," thought Shingle. "What about giving a chunk of bread to a starving homeless man, but the bread is laced with cyanide and he dies?"

"Woah," said Jadeite. "Come on now. I want to be evil, not some kind of monster."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm," thought Shingle. "You should give someone a check for 1,000,000 dollars. But then cancel it immediately after. And it has to be a really poor person too, who could really use the cash. Yeah, yeah!" said Shingle. "Or you could give them a fake lottery ticket, that looks like they won the $10,000 a week for life prize! You should give a man a $100 bill, but it's laced with permanent super glue and the only way to get it off your hand would be to tear it to smithereens!"

"Calm down," said Jadeite. "You rotten boy. Let's keep it simple."

"Okay, okay," thought Shingle. He thought for a long time. "You know those food banks where they give food to the poor, right?"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "But I don't know if they have that in Japan."

"Well, either way," said Shingle. "You should rob one."

"Rob… a food bank?" replied Jadeite in awe. "Delightfully devilish, Shingle."

"Thanks," said Shingle. "Hey, want $100 dollars?"

"Boy do I!" said Jadeite. "Heeeeyyyy, wait a second!"

"Heh," said Shingo. "Almost gotcha!"

Jadeite gave him a noogie and left.

That's when Kenji returned home.

"Shingle me boy!" said Kenji. "It's time for your 20 lashes!"

"I'll kill you old man!" said Shingle, throwing a right hook.

Kenji took out his belt and threw a whip.


Jadeite walked into the food bank, and the Shitennou walked in too.

"Hey," said Jadeite. "What is this?!"

Zoisite shrugged. "We're always up for some good evil. What's the plan?"

"Well," said Jadeite. "Today we're gonna walk in, and then we're gonna rob them!"

"Perfect," said Nephrite. "Let's go."

They entered the pantry.

"Ah!" said the kind old woman running it. "I can tell from your poorly crafted costumes, you are very poor."

"Huh?!" said Nephrite.

"This cape was 1 million dollars!" shouted Kunzite.

Jadeite walked through the aisles.

"So how does this work?" he said.

"Well," began the old woman. "You can take two items from this aisle, and two items from that aisle over there. You can take as many desserts as you want though, but only things you need please!"

"Ah, I get it, I get it," said Jadeite.

"You can come here once every month," concluded the lady. "Not every 30 days, every calendar month. For example, you can come on the 20th of one month, and then on the first of the next month. Just fill out your details."

"I'll get to that," said Jadeite.

Zoisite walked up to the cakes, and saw some really big cakes at the bottom.

"Only take what you need," the woman reminded, when she saw him eyeing them.

"Does anyone in the world really need this giant cake right here?" said Zoisite.

"Well, for a child's birthday party, maybe," said the woman.

"How many people are in your family?" asked a volunteer, filling out the form because Jadeite was too busy.

"200," said Jadeite. "If you count all the Youmas."

"Oh my," said the old woman.

They began packing in some groceries, as the Shitennou were supposed to be picking their items.

That's when Zoisite grabbed a full aisle of cakes, over 30 cakes, and ran out the door.

"Dine & dash!" he called.

"Hey!" yelled the woman. "Do you really need all that?!"

That's when Jadeite started grabbing items until he couldn't hold any more, and took off running. "I'M EVIL!" he yelled.

"That is correct," said the woman.

Kunzite grabbed three items from the "take two items only" aisle, and took off in a mad dash.

Nephrite grabbed sack after sack of bread, until there was no more left.

He threw them over his shoulder like Santa Claus, and ran out the door.

"COOOME BAAAAACK!" yelled the old woman.

But they were gone.

"What vile creatures," she said, looking at the empty racks.

That's when Jadeite ran back in for another round, and so did Nephrite and Zoisite.

"That's it!" said the old woman, taking out a broom.

"I will mop your lives away!"

She took a wild swing at Jadeite's head, but Jadeite dodged and grabbed the broom.

He pushed the old lady to the floor, and she fell like a large tree.

"Timber!" yelled the volunteer sadly.

Jadeite threw item after item at the woman until she lost her life.

Then he retrieved the items from her battered corpse and fled.

Nephrite started piling items into his shirt.

"Hey," said a volunteer. "How could you be so evil!?"

"Shut up," said Nephrite.

He took off again.

There was not much left for Zoisite to loot, but the volunteer suddenly got a burst of rage, and leapt on Zoisite's back.

"Get off me!" cried Zoisite, tripping over the stray broom and falling to the floor.

Meanwhile, Jadeite was having his own problem. He had already returned for round 3, but one of the volunteers lashed out by throwing a box of cake mix right at Jadeite.

Jadeite threw a chop, and the box was destroyed and cake mix rained from the ceiling.

The volunteer went to grab another item, but Jadeite threw a leaping kick, killing her.

After the Shitennou pillaged the whole store, there was nothing left except for one volunteer who was still wrestling Zoisite on the floor.


Back in the Negaverse, the Shitennou returned with 10 grocery carts.

Kunzite was already standing before Beryl.

"Kunzite!" called Zoisite. "Why didn't you come back?"

"I didn't realize we were going for more than one round," said Kunzite. "I thought when you said rob, you didn't mean take every last item."

"Well, that's what I meant," said Jadeite, taking credit for the victory.

"Good work," said Beryl. "Jadeite, you've outdone yourself. But you should have taken their energy."

"No," said Jadeite. "I thought it would have been crueler to end their lives."

"Yes," said Beryl. "But our main goal is to get energy."

"No," said Jadeite, confidently. "I'm too evil to do that kind of busy work."

Jadeite left.

"What an evil man," said Beryl.

"Can we be dismissed?" asked Kunzite.

"Yes," said Beryl. "Don't rob any more food banks though. You proved your point. Don't make our organization look THAT evil. We are not devils, after all. We have an actual mission."

"Right," said Kunzite.


The Shitennou showed up to the next food bank.

"I know about you!" said an old lady, pointing her bony finger. "You're on the do-not-serve list!"

"Sad," said Kunzite.

"How did we get put on there?" said Nephrite. "We left no survivors."

"Actually," said Zoisite. "I think I left one to tell the story."

Kunzite sighed.

"What?!" said Zoisite. "I thought you would be back to kill the foe that was beating me senseless, but you never returned!"

"Well," said Jadeite to the old lady. "Then you must know the drill. Start filling up our cart with all your food! This is a robbery!"

"Actually," said the old lady. "I got something better."

"Oh?" challenged Nephrite.

She snapped her bony fingers, and 10 volunteers stormed in, all equipped with cake mixes ready to be thrown.

"Fire!" she yelled.

Zoisite dove behind Kunzite as they were bombarded by cake mix.

Jadeite started throwing chop after chop.

Kunzite put up a barrier to block the rain of boxes, but they were somehow penetrating his wall.

Nephrite decided it was all or nothing, and leapt at the old woman, throwing a knee right into her chops.

She went flying, but as she fell away from the living world, she grabbed a box of cake mix and threw a critical blow at Nephrite at close range in a last ditch effort to avenge herself.

But Nephrite caught it, and shook his head. He threw the box back at 200-fold, but the lady was dead before it hit.

The volunteers realized that now that their leader was down, it was all or nothing.

Their fight or flight kicked in, and they switched from tactical boxes of cake mix, to hard and fatal cans of beans.

"WOAH!" yelled Jadeite. "Calm down! Aren't you volunteers trying to help people, not kill them!?"

But instead of a response with words, he got a response with cans of beans.

Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms, cooking the beans.

Zoisite decided to take to the front lines again, and ran up and tackled one of the volunteers who looked the weakest.

But five of them took his place, and suddenly a 30 pound bag of rice came flying at Zoisite's spine.

Had it landed, Zoisite would have been snapped in half.

But Zoisite luckily rolled out of the way, and the man that he tackled lost his life that day.

"FOOOOOD FIGHT!" yelled Nephrite, throwing a Jello to spice things up.

He took down a man with a 350 mph hit.

"Let me in on this!" said Kunzite rowdily.

He threw boomerangs, bodying three people.

"Hey," said Nephrite. "That's not food!"

"That's okay," said Kunzite.

Jadeite threw a wildpunch, killing a volunteer.

He put up a barrier, reflecting the onslaught of cans.

"Quick!" said Jadeite. "They're not losing their fighting spirit! Grab all the items and leave!"

The Shitennou followed his advice, and robbed the food bank.

Once Jadeite saw that every item was gone completely, he turned his barrier into an energy blast, killing all ten people.

Jadeite fled.


"Take whatever you need!" said a food bank employee to a customer.

That's when suddenly a portal appeared, and Jadeite dashed in on all fours.

He stood up, and starting throwing items into a portal that just dumped right into the ocean.

"Hey!" said a worker. "You can't do that! That's too much! You don't need that much!"

That's when three more Shitennou ran in, and followed Jadeite's suit.

"STOP!" yelled the man, leaping at Nephrite.

Nephrite shoved him away. "Back off, kid."

The man watched helplessly as they looted the place.

They cleaned out the foodbank and just left without saying a word.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!?" demanded the worker once they were gone.


The Shitennou walked up to Queen Beryl's throne room nonchalantly.

Jadeite was eating a cannoli from one of the food banks.

"I hate cannolis," said Jadeite.

"Hey," said Nephrite. "If Beryl's mad about us not getting energy, we'll just give her a huge sheet cake."

"Good idea," said Zoisite. "We can even write something on it. That is, if the next food bank we raid has any icing."

But that's when they stopped at the door.

There was a note.

Jadeite grabbed it.

"Dear pesky plumbers," he read out loud.

"Gimme that!" said Kunzite, snatching the note. "Hmm," he said after reading it. "It's from the FDA."

"Who?" said Zoisite.

"The Food and Drug Administration," guessed Kunzite on his first guess.

"Hmm," said Nephrite. "What do they want?"

"Hmmmm," said Kunzite. "It appears they know about our recent shenanigans. And they're not too pleased. This is a cease and desist warning."

"Well tell them," said Jadeite. "We will not cease, nor desist!"

"We can't," said Kunzite. "There's no return address."

"How'd they even get this here?" said Zoisite. "This is the North Pole, and deep into our lair."

"The FDA has its ways," said Jadeite. "On second thought, I think we should listen. I don't want to mess with them."

"Nah," said Kunzite. "Easy."

"Okay," shrugged Jadeite.

"Wait," said Nephrite. "How does the FDA have anything to do with food banks?"

"Hmmm," thought Kunzite. "Food. They both have the same first word."

"Makes sense," said Zoisite. "So are we still robbing that food bank tomorrow?"

"No," said Jadeite.

"Awww," said Zoisite.

"The day after tomorrow," said Jadeite. "That's when they get restocked."

"YEEE!" said Zoisite.

They parted ways.


Nephrite swatted off cake mix boxes with a garlic bread stick.

"Back, you hooligans!" shouted Nephrite.

"You're the hooligans!" shouted the tossers.

An old woman grabbed a full salmon and swung it at Kunzite's head.

But Zoisite fired a beam, killing her.

He picked up the salmon and added it to the cart.

Jadeite grabbed the cart, and pushed it out the door.

"Load up the next one!" called Jadeite as he headed for the Negavan.

They soon headed out with three more carts, but on the way out, a volunteer somehow got Nephrite in a full nelson.

20 men threw cake mix boxes at his exposed torso, and someone threw a critical sheet cake.

But Nephrite leapt up and kicked it away, and then fired a beam out of his eyes, throwing the sheet cake to hell.

Jadeite threw a grandslam, giving 2 men a one-way ticket out of the living realm.

Kunzite picked up a man by the neck.

"Stop!" said the neck man.

Kunzite fired a beam, and the guy no longer had a head or a life.

Kunzite swung his arm, and there was a wave of energy that followed it, causing 20 men to perish.

10 men met their demise by Jadeite's lightning, and 5 more met their demise by Nephrite's Starlight Attack.

3 men were deceased when someone knocked over a full aisle onto them.

They took all the items and made their leave.

"Wow," said Jadeite. "That food bank had a LOT of workers."

"Wild," said Zoisite. "No one lived to tell the story, so that cursed FDA will never find out!"

But little did the Shitennou know, one man lived to tell the story, because he was only partly killed from Jadeite's lightning, since only ¼ people die from lightning when struck.

He reported the heinous crime right to the FDA, and they took action.


All four Shitennou were in the Negacomputer lounge, farming Halffang on Wizard101.

"I got the Cow's Pearl Amulet!" said Kunzite.

"Nice!" said Zoisite. "I got five of those today. We're getting so much gold!"

"Nephrite," said Jadeite. "Just pass. Your Humungofrog has too long of an animation."

"NEEEVEEER!" yelled Nephrite. "It's super effective against young Halffang!"

"That doesn't matter," said Jadeite. "One of Kunzite's meteors kills all the mobs anyway."

They joined another Halffang, and Zoisite opened with a Deer Knight.

"Zoisite!" yelled Kunzite. "Such a long animation! We told you to pass!"

"No," said Zoisite. "I got my 20 amber right from the gladiator. Like heck I'm not gonna use my spell!"

That's when Beryl walked in with a grim expression.

She handed Jadeite a letter without saying a word.

"You've done it this time," is all Beryl said.

"Eh?" said Jadeite. He began to read the letter. "Dear pesky plumbers-"

"It's not funny!" said Nephrite.

"It was never funny," said Zoisite. "I don't even get the reference."

Jadeite sighed and read the real note.

"This is not good," he said.

"What?" said Kunzite. "What is it?"

"Well," said Jadeite. "Due to our crimes against the food banks, and our failure to cease and desist, we have been sentenced to a meeting with the counsel."

"Counsel of what?" said Zoisite.

Jadeite shook his head. "The counsel," he repeated.

"Counsel of what?" said Nephrite.

"The FDA counsel!" barked Jadeite. "Formally known as The Counsel."

"Let me see that," said Zoisite.

Zoisite read it over twice.

"Yikes," he said. "This isn't good at all. We should have cut our losses on a high note. Or at least worn masks or something."

"Yes," said Jadeite. "If there's one thing I've learned from collecting energy, it's that you should leave while luck's still on your side. Because once luck runs out, it's already too late."

"That's my gambling motto," said Nephrite. "I once won $100 dollars in Black Jack. Then I lost it the next game."

"This is not the time for that," said Kunzite. "We have to prepare for our meeting with the counsel."

Zoisite examined the letter again. "Why is Shingle sentenced too?" he wondered.

"Ah," said Jadeite. "That's because he gave me the idea."

"How could they possibly know about that?" said Nephrite.

"It's obvious," said Jadeite. "There was food in his house. And everyone knows that all food is spies for the FDA."

"Wow," said Kunzite. "I'm gonna throw out all my food."

"Yes," said Jadeite. "It's like if someone tells someone to murder someone, they still get in trouble, even if they don't commit the murder directly."


The Shitennou sat in the Shitennou meeting room, for one of their very serious meetings. It was something they didn't do very often.

Kunzite was standing in the front, next to a giant diagram of the council meeting room, which was an exact, to-scale replica that used the blueprints of the building itself for precise measurements.

The spots where everyone would be sitting were all labeled. Kunzite strategically placed himself in the center, with Nephrite on his left, and Zoisite on his right for moral support.

The outskirts of the seating arrangement were Jadeite and Kenji, and Shingle was designated to sit on the floor.

"Why does Kenji want to come anyway?" asked Jadeite. "He doesn't have to meet with the council. Is our battle really worth him throwing away his life, to him?"

"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "I'm always down for a good scrap, especially when the odds are against us."

"Come on now," said Kunzite. "We're not going there to scrap."

On the diagram, across from the Shitennou & Co. seats, were the seats of the 12 council members, labeled from A to L.

"Now," said Kunzite. "Nephrite. You are slightly situated to the left, so if you go on a direct diagonal you can blitz C over there, and maybe even D if C goes down quickly. However, you are open to attack by E and A, which is why you will use Jadeite and Kenji for back-up."

All the Shitennou nodded, listening more intently than they ever had to anything in their life.

Kenji just had his hand on his chin and watched with curiosity.

"Zoisite," said Kunzite. "After I charge right down the middle," he began, drawing a line right down the middle, from him to the head of the council. "J will most definitely come to protect their master. That's when you're going to flank him from this side."

Kunzite drew a wild curved arrow, almost like someone drawing football plays.

"However," said Kunzite. "Kenji's severely outmatched, and quite frankly I think he's not worth bringing. But since he's intent on coming, I've matched him with G, who is notoriously weak. As long as he can hold his own for exactly 60 seconds, Jadeite can come in for support."

"Got it!" said Jadeite.

"I think we should bring in some real reinforcements," said Nephrite. "Kenji's a weakling. Just because he wants to fight doesn't mean we should put our whole plan in jeopardy."

"Why don't we just bring more people?" said Zoisite. "I mean, there's only 12 council people, so we should at least meet them in numbers. After all, Kenji won't be contributing much, so we can make up for that with more members."

"Out of the question," said Kunzite. "If we bring too many people in the party, the council simply will not let us come in. They are no fools, and would never be in a situation where the odds aren't in their favor."

"Then how are we gonna win?" said Jadeite. "If they won't let us come in unless the odds are in their favor."

"Well that's simple," said Kunzite. "The council's notoriously cocky, and has a poor habit of strongly underestimating their opponents. If we all bring our A-game, I think we might be able to just pull a win. Or we sure as hell will die trying."

"Hoo ha!" chanted the Shitennou.

"No, but seriously," said Zoisite. "Let's just bring in some people to sit in the audience as people coming to see our fates, but then they jump in and help us."

"No," said Kunzite. "It'd take too long to get all the way from the audience to the front of the room, and the way we're playing our cards, the battle will be decided in no more than 15 seconds. It all comes down to if Shingle can hold off D by getting himself pummeled to death. Hopefully D is easily distracted by an easy pummel; otherwise we all die."

"Don't worry," said Kenji. "My boy is used to getting beatings. I gave him one every day to prepare, for the past year."

"We just got called to the council today," said Nephrite.

"Heh," said Kenji.

"Hmm," said Zoisite. "It's lucky Shingle got called. We could have easily killed him beforehand just to spite the council, however we can use his forced presence to our advantage. Even if he's only able to stall for 20 seconds just by getting the tar beat out of him."

"He needs to stall for 25," said Kunzite. "That's how long it will take me to take out the trio, if everything goes in our favor and there's no curveballs."

"No curveballs," said Zoisite. "I've studied the past 500 meetings with the council, and they always use the same tricks."

"Goooood," said Kunzite.

"Seriously, why are we taking Kenji?" said Nephrite randomly. "He stands no chance against any of the council members. He's basically another Shingle."

"Wrong," said Kunzite. "Based on my analytics of Kenji, he's at least four times stronger than Shingle. He can buck horns with the weakest of the council even if he can't win. And if it's the absolute best day of his entire life, and the council member he faces is on the worst day of his life, he might be able to pull a temporary win, before getting struck down by the next councilmember."

"You underestimate me," scoffed Kenji. "I could take you down, Kunzboy."

"Shut up," said Kunzite. "This is not the time for internal squabbles. This is going to be the hardest battle of our lives, so let's go over the plan 10 more times."


It was the day of the Shitennou's meeting with the council, and they walked through the door with grim expressions.

The room was identical to the Supreme Court's room, with one table in front of the podiums where the council sat, and some chairs in the back for people to view.

But there was no one who would be foolish enough to view.

The Shitennou were sporting their full battle armor, and they made clanks with every step they took.

Kunzite, Zoisite, and Jadeite had their swords from the Silver Millennium, and Nephrite retrieved his scythe from the storage unit he stopped paying the monthly fee for and was locked out of.

Kenji was wearing his boxing gloves, and was nonchalantly eating a piece of toast like his life wasn't on the line.

"I was the top boxer in my high school," bragged Kenji, hoping no one would actually look into it.

Shingle, on the other hand, was shaking like a leaf, knowing the afterlife soon awaited him.

The Shitennou nervously pulled their chairs out as 12 sets of evil eyes shot daggers at them.

They sat down, and folded their hands over their weapons that they plopped down on the table with a loud clang.

They looked up nervously at the 12 members of the council, those responsible with deciding their fate.

"Gentlemen," said the head of the council in a lazy but stern tone. "You know why you're here."

"Yes," said Kunzite, speaking up.

"Well then, let's commence our meeting," said the head.

He began reading the boys their rights, and explaining to them the seriousness of the crimes they had committed.

The Shitennou weren't really listening though, and instead were forming battle plans in their heads.

They were planning each step, and gauging the hostility of their opponents.

"How do you explain this?" said the man at last.

"Well," began Kunzite in a monotone. He proceeded to tell his story, half-heartedly defending him and the other Shitennou.

But his words had little meaning. Everyone in the room knew where this was headed, and their exchange of words was merely a superficial charade, a cheap tradeoff of pleasantries that no one was taking seriously.

Their words were as fake and shallow as someone reading a line aloud from a book at school which they read no other part of, devoid of emotion and doing it just because they had to.

It was simply what was expected, so they continued their little word games and pretended it was a court case that would not lead to a battle.

"Yes," said Jadeite in a monotone. "I'm very sorry. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. What we did did not technically break the FDA code of conduct, as you can see in clause 58A."

"However," interrupted another councilmember, almost humorously as she cracked her knuckles preparing to throw punches. "If you look at line 142 on page 13, it indeed states…"

The lady did not even bother saying the line, as no one cared and she didn't even have her book.

The head of the council figured they had already played this fake little game too long, and that the show should get on the road soon.

However, even though he thought that, he still continued to stare at the Shitennou.

"I find that a violation of our rights," said Zoisite lamely, despite the fact that the last person just cut off mid-sentence and didn't even bother to continue. "It's preposterous that we are still held to standards that were developed in 1982, before the invention of the Internet. Surely you feel your policies are outdated."

"Rules are rules," said one of the council members, exchanging glances with and passing a note to someone next to him.

It said, "target the orange-haired man – easy targ."

Several members were pretending to read notes off of blank pieces of paper, and one was jotting stuff down with an invisible pencil.

Kunzite held in his hand a stack of papers, and sifted through them occasionally, but they were just meaningless words, in fact it was just the 8th Date a Live light novel that someone printed out illegally on the Negaverse computer from a pdf and never bothered to retrieve.

"Well," said one of the council members on the end. "According to our findings from the bureau, 25% of-"

"Alright," said the head of the council, interrupting his colleague who didn't care. "We all know where this is going, correct?" he said, staring directly at Kunzite.

That's when the already dense atmosphere grew so thick it was hard to move.

Everyone went completely still, and not a person blinked.

After a solid minute of this mental stand-off, Jadeite opened his mouth.

"Umm," he began.

That's when the third seat over from the head leapt off his stand and threw his body directly at Zoisite like a flying squirrel.

"AAAHHHHH!" screamed Zoisite, getting tossed across the room.

Kunzite tapped the man who had just tossed Zoisite on the shoulder.

The man turned around, and Kunzite socked him right in the chops.

That's when all hell broke loose.

Jadeite leapt out of his seat, throwing his chair to the floor, and lunged right for a man.

He did a great leap, and tackled the man out of his seat like the time he tackled Tuxedo Mask into the ocean.

He took the suited man to the floor like a football player, and began to let loose a brigade of punches, punch after punch after punch.

Kunzite threw several energy balls at the council as a whole, causing several explosions to erupt in the stands.

For a second he thought he got some of them, but he saw two leaping out of the smoke like ninjas.

Kunzite gasped and looked up at the ceiling where they were now hovering, and they both came down with hammerkicks right for Kunzite.

He put up a barrier at the last second, but the combined kick was so mighty his forcefield shattered and he was tossed.

That's when Nephrite unleashed the beam he had been charging up under the table the entire meeting, and he instantly took out seat G, and the man had no chance of recovery until later that night.

Nephrite decided it was all or nothing and started charging up another beam, however neither Kenji nor Jadeite had his back, so he was soon captured in a full nelson.

Each member of the council mastered 20 unique forms of martial arts, and were all strong enough to easily take down Queen Beryl in one punch; hence why they didn't bring her, as she was not a combatant and would simply be a waste of a spot.

Suddenly Shingle was hoisted high into the air.

"Now, son!" yelled Kenji, throwing Shingle like a football, with tailspin and everything.

Shingle managed to take control of the momentum, and focus it all into one mighty leaping kick, right for an offguard member of the council.

Unfortunately for him though, the man was no amateur, and he simply caught Shingle's kick with only a single hand.

"NO!" yelled Shingle. "Please don't kill me!"

That's when the councilmember swung him by the foot into the ground.

He released him thinking he was dead, but Shingle weakly got to his feet.

The councilmember raised his eyebrow, wondering what Shingle's next move was.

He was disappointed when it was just a mere punch, one that he easily deflected with his training.

Shingle went in for another one, knowing he was dead anyway, but the man grabbed Shingle by the head and smashed him into a wall.

He then threw punch after punch to Shingle's torso, and Shingle didn't stand a one in a million chance.

"Shingle's down!" yelled Jadeite.

"No!" said Kunzite. "That was only 3 seconds! He went down a lot sooner than I thought!"

Kunzite was backed into a corner by three men.

He shot a beam, but a man simply reflected it with his arm.

"Ah!" said Kunzite.

He leapt into the air and started throwing kicks, but they all countered them as easily as Shingle's.

"This isn't good!" said Kunzite.

"I need help over here!" called Zoisite, as one man chased him down as he leapt over seats.

No one came to his help, as they were all busy with their own losing battle.

"Shingo done us in!" said Kenji, throwing projectile toast at one man.

Zoisite finally missed a jump, and tripped over the chair, falling to the ground.

He tried to take his life as the man threw a punch right for his face, but Zoisite wasn't quick enough and died.

No one even noticed because they were too busy getting pummeled.

Kenji decided it was all or nothing, and swung his belt right for a man's neck, hoping to get him a choke.

The man simply grabbed the belt, and lit it ablaze in his palm.

"Ho ho… NO!" said Kenji.

That's when he lost control, and charged right for the man on foot.

He threw a punch with his boxing glove, and surprisingly it landed.

But that was the last one he ever landed, as Kenji had no actual combat experience and was just a middle-aged man, faced off against a master of 20 forms of martial arts, who had to have proven himself to excel in order to be accepted to the council.

He threw a punch into Kenji's stomach, with so much force Kenji almost lost consciousness.

Kenji dropped to the ground, but he weakly started getting back up.

"Is that all you got?" asked Kenji, spitting blood.

He threw himself wild, but halfway through his attack turned into a punch.

The man easily sidestepped, and threw an elbow right into Kenji's neck.

"YEEEEUOOUUUUU!" yelled Kenji.

The attack was so powerful, it took two full seconds for the gravity to catch up with the punch.

The gravity dropped on Kenji like a 1,000 pound weight, and he was sent straight into the ground like a boulder.

That's when the man grabbed Kenji by the collar of his shirt, and lifted him off the ground so they were face to face.

Kenji tried to spit at him, but the man reflected the spit and it landed on Kenji.

Then the man threw headslam after headslam until Kenji lost consciousness.

Kenji regained it ten minutes later, with the same man still holding him.

The man threw a right hook, and Kenji took the blow.

His glasses flew off, and then he received another right hook.

The man threw right hook after hook after hook mercilessly, until Kenji was not to be.

Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms, but the five men he was fighting all crossed their arms in sync like robots.

They lowered their arms, and they were unscathed.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite.

But he didn't give up yet.

Suddenly a plane crashed through the roof of the council, taking all five for a ride.

"Yatta!" yelled Jadeite.

That's when a man leapt on top of him from behind, and began clocking him like he was clocking out of work.

Jadeite was sent to Pain Town and forgot his return ticket.

Nephrite knew it was over when 8 men approached him.

He pulled out his sword he used against the Youmas, since his scythe was lost in combat right around the time the battle began. The foes took a step back, not out of fear, but just to be extra safe.

They all readied their fighting stances, ready to pounce like leopards.

But that's when Nephrite honorably performed seppuku, and dropped to the ground with a thud.

"Nephrite, did you just kill yourself?" called Kunzite, as he was receiving punches from all angles and landing one every now and then.

That's when Kunzite found himself circled by all 12 council members.

"It can't be!" said Kunzite.

He decided to fight until his last breath, and threw a wild punch at a random member.

It was blocked, like a skilled martial artist would.

Kunzite quickly leapt back, and threw a kick at another member.

But it had a similar effect.

The council just shook their heads, and began rotating their circle like a flock of hungry vultures.

"Just give up!" said the head of the council. "How many trials do you think we see in a day?"

"No!" said Kunzite.

The vice councilwoman just shrugged sadly. "Oh dear," she said. "Just what are we going to do?"

That's when Kunzite started to power up for his last rodeo.

"URAAAAAAAA!" he yelled. "I won't go down without taking out at least one of you!"

"No one's stopping you," taunted the head of the council.

That's when Kunzite unleashed his true fury, all of his energy in a single beam, and shot it at a random councilmember.

The council member got ready to block it confidently.

"Look out!" yelled the head councilmember, in a serious frenzy.

"Huh?" said the cocky member, turning.

He turned back to the beam, and his eyes widened, realizing that he would not survive, and that if he had built up his defense right when the beam was fired, he would have probably lived. But he just didn't think a mortal could produce such a powerful attack.

"SHIT!" he yelled.

He bit the dust, and there was zero trace of him.

The council itself almost questioned if they had always had 11 members.

Kunzite laughed weakly. "That'll show ya!" he said.

He dropped to the ground and did not get up.

The council gave him a stern beating just to be sure, but Kunzite's life was lost right after the attack, so they were only wasting their time.

"Sad," said the council. "If they came back 11 more times we might have some trouble."


The Shitennou were in hell.

"Hey, I took one down!" said Kunzite.

"Good work!" said Zoisite.

"Shut up," said Nephrite, a little salty that he had to end his own life.

"Wait," said Kenji. "Why didn't we take Metalia? If she fused with Kunzite, we could have taken at least four of them down."

"Shoot!" said Jadeite, punching his fist. "That's what we forgot! And we went over our plan 20 times!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have attacked K instead of L," said Kunzite.

"Oops," said Jadeite. "My bad."

"Worthless," said Kunzite.

"Not as worthless as Kenji," said Jadeite.

"Not as worthless as Shingle," said Kenji. "And at least I got a good fight!"

FIN