"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Quiet, Jadeite," said Beryl. "And go hang up this disco ball."
"Alright," said Jadeite. "But is there any reason? I once had a plan where we took energy through a disco ball, is that where this is headed?"
"Heck no," said Beryl. "We are having a ball, Jadeite."
"I'm not having a ball right now," said Jadeite, getting to work.
Nephrite walked in, and saw all the party decorations that assumedly Youmas but perhaps Beryl herself had put up, implying she could stand.
"What is this?" said Nephrite. "Some kind of jamboree?"
"Yes," said Beryl. "For once, you're right."
"Hey!" said Nephrite. "Why is this some kind of jamboree?"
"Sorry, but you only get one question from your great ruler," explained Beryl.
"I didn't talk to my great ruler," said Nephrite. "Only you. Can you bring Metalia in?"
Beryl narrowed her eyes. "I suggest you leave," she said.
"Fine," said Nephrite, not particularly wanting to scrap today as he hadn't had his morning soda and wasn't on his A-game.
"That Beryl is a wild card. I don't know what tricks she has up her sleeves since she has so little feats," thought Nephrite.
Kunzite and Zoisite were in their castle, but Kunzite recalled he forgot to pick up his newspapers for the past two weeks.
"Shoot!" said Kunzite. "I hope the neighborhood Youmas didn't steal them! If I know Yasha, she'd probably put the papers in her mouth and run away on all fours."
Kunzite stepped outside, and picked up the paper.
It read, "The Negatimes."
He skimmed through it.
"Hmm," he said. "Hey Zoisite, did you know Kenji was elected man of the year for the Dark Kingdom?"
"Hey!" said Zoisite. "Who decided that, anyway?"
"Probably Kenji," said Kunzite. "Due to his love for newspapers."
Kunzite checked the credits of the paper, and lo and behold, every single article had been written by Kenji.
"That explains toast monthly," he said. "I should really unsubscribe to this paper. It's not worth the five Negabucks a week."
Under the newspaper was another sheet of paper, though.
It was some sort of flyer, and the whole page was a cropped out Jadeite of him screaming right before he got hit by the plane.
"What is this?" said Kunzite.
He flipped it over.
It read: "Mandatory jamboree, Saturday at 8 PM. Come in your fanciest clothes." Then, in parentheses, it said, "Not your Shitennou uniform."
Zoisite gasped. "A jamboree?! That's so exciting!"
"I don't know," said Kunzite. "This seems fishy. It might just be a trick from Beryl to trap us all in a cage again."
"Shoot," said Zoisite. "Maybe we should bring some armor. Not wear it in, but have it nearby."
"Good idea," said Kunzite. "Beryl would never do something fun for the sake of it being fun. There has to be some ulterior motive."
"So what's your ulterior motive?" asked Kenji, in the executive meeting room, that was for everyone ranking above the Shitennou.
Thus, Beryl, Metalia, and Grandpa were also there, but Metalia was only there in spirit and was listening through their heads.
Endymion was welcome to this VIP room as well, as he's higher ranking than the Shitennou, but he never showed up.
"Well," said Beryl. "It's simple. I'm setting up a Negaball, so that I may finally dance with Prince Endymion."
"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "That reminds me of the time my son was going to his middle school prom. I said I'd drive him there, but I actually drove him out to the middle of the woods, where I put him down like ol' Yeller. He had a date that night too. What a pity."
"Hmmm," said Grandpa. "I hope my daughter Rei never goes on a date. No man is good enough for her."
"That's a surprisingly decent thing to say," said Beryl. "What's YOUR ulterior motive?"
"None," said Grandpa. "I'm just here for the luls. This room is hardly ever used, and I wanted to compare it to the regular meeting room, which I can often be found in. This one is much nicer. There's even a chocolate fountain, and a vending machine where everything is free. Whereas in the Shitennou meeting room, it's just a long table, and a board that's on wheels."
"Oh really?" said Beryl. "I'm not allowed in there. But I don't think I wanna go in there."
"Good plan Beryl," commented Metalia randomly, through all their heads.
"GET OUT OF MY MIIIIIND!" screamed Kenji, dipping his head in the chocolate fountain.
"Stop that!" said Beryl. "You're contaminating the chocolate!"
"Don't worry," said Grandpa. "It cycles through. New chocolate is being made by the second."
"No," said Beryl. "It's the same chocolate."
"I know that's wrong," said Grandpa. "I've been around much longer than you, young lady."
"No you haven't," said Beryl. "I was around during the Silver Millennium."
"Nice," scoffed Grandpa. "But I was around during the Paleozoic era."
"Oooh," said Beryl. "Maybe it is creating new chocolate, then. I'm not sure how, or why I have a Youma who refills that fountain then."
"Hmm," said Grandpa.
The Shitennou met up in Beryl's throne room at 6 PM, for the pre-ball.
The Shitennou all met with their dates.
Kunzite's date was Zoisite, and Zoisite's date was Kunzite.
Nephrite came with Mully, and Jadeite came with a broom.
"Hey Jadeite," said Nephrite. "You should flip that broom upside-down, so the broom part at least looks like hair."
"Ah!" said Jadeite. "Good advice!"
"Ah," said Beryl, walking in in a fancy gown. "I'm glad I lived to see the day where my boys are going to prom. Look at all your fancy outfits."
The Shitennou were sporting tuxedos.
"Hmm," she said, under her breath. "The only man I want to see in a tuxedo tonight is Tuxedo Mask. However, his Endymion uniform will be fine."
"Hello!" said Mully. "I am Mully, nice to meet you all."
"Hello, Mully," said Beryl.
"Actually, her name is Molly," said Nephrite. "But she has a strong accent."
"Oy!" agreed Mully.
"She's Irish now?" scoffed Zoisite.
"Hmm," thought Nephrite out loud. "I remember that time I went to Negaprom with Setsuna Meiyoh."
"Who's that?" said Molly.
"Err… none of your concern," said Nephrite. "I broke it off with her, though. It was a darn pity too, because she was around my age. So no one can call me a pedo."
"Pedo," said Zoisite.
"Speaking of which," said Nephrite. "Molly, you've never met Setsuna, have you?"
"Who?" said Molly.
"Do you know Sailor Pluto?" asked Nephrite.
"There's a Sailor Pluto?" said Molly. "I thought only planets could have Sailors."
"Hmm," said Nephrite. "I don't think you ever met Chibiusa, right?"
"Who?" said Molly.
"Hmm," said Nephrite. "It's really a shame you stopped appearing in episodes. There could have been some good dynamics. Wasted opportunity."
"Yes," said Mully. "I wanted to appear, but they said I couldn't. I tried to show up in the background but they stopped me even then."
"Enough of this," said Beryl. "It's time for prom photos."
"Yahoo!" said Zoisite.
Jadeite nodded, gladly. "I love prom photos. I wish I had a date though, instead of this broom. Maybe I should have actually asked someone to go with me. I have some Youmas that could go for a man like me."
That's when someone else walked in.
"Jadeite," said Thetis. "Have you heard about that Negaball thing? I was wondering…" she said, starting to blush.
"Be gone with you," said Jadeite. "You filthy beast."
"Oh," said Thetis. She moped away.
"I wish I had a date," repeated Jadeite.
Queen Beryl pulled out her camera on her phone, and took some pictures.
"Nice," said Jadeite. "Can you check and make sure I wasn't blinking?"
"Shut up," said Beryl, putting away her phone.
"Wait," said Zoisite. "Aren't you going to send those to us?"
"No," said Beryl. "They're for me, only."
"Oh," said Nephrite. "Well that was a waste of time then."
"Can't you just post them on Facebook, and tag us?" asked Kunzite.
"Sorry," said Beryl. "But I don't like to bring work and my personal life together. I would never friend any of you on Facebook. The only person I have friended from the Negaverse is Kenji, but he's like family to me. I sent one to Endymion as well, but I'm still waiting for him to accept it."
"Hey, speaking of which," said Jadeite. "Is that guy Endymion coming?"
"I hope not," said Kunzite.
"I hope so," said Beryl. "I sent him 20 invites, and if he doesn't come this whole thing is pointless."
"What are you talking about?" asked Zoisite.
"Nothing," said Beryl. "Now go away and don't get in my way. Look like you're all having fun for when Endymion shows up."
"I'm sure of it now," said Kunzite. "Something fishy is definitely going on. But I can't place it."
"So!" said Jadeite, getting pumped. "Is it almost time to start the shindig?"
"Almost," said Beryl. "You'll know when it's time, when I dim the lights. Also, I need some muscle to push my throne out of the way. I tried moving it but it just wouldn't budge."
"I think I know why," said Nephrite. "It appears it's attached to the ceiling."
"Wrong," said Beryl. "There is no ceiling. Move it."
They had to break the rock formation, and the throne suffered some causalities, but they eventually cleared the floor for the ball.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Is that the first guest?" asked Beryl hopefully.
She looked at her watch, and it was 7:45 PM.
But unfortunately, it was just Kenji.
"Kenji!" said Beryl. "Why did you come in that way?"
"I had to bring all my DJ gear in my truck," said Kenji.
He had a backwards hat on, and shades, despite the fact that it was about to be a dark room.
"Oh brother," said Nephrite. "I hope he doesn't play songs about toast."
"There aren't any that I know of," said Kenji. "But if there was, it would be the only song I played."
Melvin had somehow already prepared a computer set-up, and was putting the final touches on the DJ stage.
"Be careful," Melvin warned Kenji. "This is my personal laptop that is hooked up here. So don't do anything crazy."
"Ah," said Kenji. "Is this what records look like nowadays?"
He started scratching Melvin's laptop.
"EEUYYEYHEHUUU!" yelled Melvin. "Siri, defense capabilities activate!"
Siri pepper sprayed Kenji and he fell to the floor.
"Oof," said Kenji.
"Hey wait a second!" said Melvin, as the Shitennou were busy taking their own pictures of each other since the ones Beryl took were gone forever.
"Mully, what is this?!" yelled Melvin. "You said you were busy tonight!"
"Yes," said Molly. "I was busy on this date."
"But I asked you first!" said Melvin.
"Not to this," said Molly. "You asked if I wanted to watch some booby anime. And I told you no, I do not like girls."
"NOOoOOOO!" said Melvin. "I was gonna invite you here once you arrived! I was going to set the mood first though, with some booby anime."
"EEEEASSSY," said Nephrite.
"Alright, that's it," said Melvin, getting in his battle stance. "Put 'em up, put 'em up! I will fight you for Mully!"
"Ah," said Nephrite. "The old fist to cuffs. You don't know how long I've been waiting for this."
Nephrite cracked his knuckles.
"This will be EASSSY sauce!" said Nephrite. "I'll let you throw the first punch!"
"Hey," said Zoisite. "Shouldn't we stop this senseless violence?"
"Yeah, we probably should," said Kunzite, making no effort to stop it.
"It's fine," said Beryl. "Just don't let them cover the floor with blood."
Melvin charged up a punch. It looked like it was going to be a weak one.
But that's when he yelled, "Alexa, reinforce my punch!"
"Hey!" said Nephrite. "1v1!"
But that's when Amazon Alexa helped Melvin throw an ultramighty punch, and Nephrite was floored.
"Oof," said Nephrite.
"Maylvin," said Molly. "You did not win my affections by using a computer to fight for you."
"NO!" said Melvin. "She just reinforced! Otherwise, Maxfield has an unfair advantage from his magical abilities! Whereas I'm a warrior class."
Mully just shook her head. "You have so much to learn," she said.
Melvin started to cry, but he couldn't wipe his tears as that would mean removing his glasses, and he hadn't taken them off since he was born.
That's when the first guests finally arrived for real.
There was a doorbell, and Beryl ran to open it.
"Endymion!?" she said.
But then she sighed, when it was just some of the other guests.
It appeared that they all pitched in to take a limo to the North Pole, and out of the vehicle walked Gamer Joe, Motoki, Motoki's sister, Grandpa, Diana the baby cat wearing a bow, and that's it.
"Ah!" said Nephrite. "If it isn't the Furuhata's and Co."
"Ah," said Jadeite, spotting Motoki's sister. "Will you be my date?"
"Sorry," said Motoki's sister. "I have a boyfriend."
"Where is he?" asked Jadeite. "Is he this guy?" he demanded, pointing at Motoki.
"No," said Motoki's sister. "That's my brother."
"Ah, then it must be this guy," said Jadeite, pointing to Joe.
"No," said Motoki's sister. "That's my friend… I guess?"
"Rrrrrr," said Jadeite, clenching his fist.
"Don't worry," said Nephrite. "I'm sure a lot of hot babes will show up soon."
"I sure hope so," said Jadeite.
It was 30 minutes in, and the jamboree had taken off.
"YES!" screamed Beryl. "It's a smash hit!"
And it really was.
Crazy lights were flying everywhere, as it appeared that Beryl had reconstructed the spotlights she put on Jed into party lights that flew around with rainbow colors.
"Ah," said Jadeite, who was standing on the sidelines with Zoisite and Kunzite who were playing it cool by not dancing and instead chilling on the wall.
"For once these are spotlights I don't mind standing in," he said, as a rainbow spotlight flew over him.
"Kunzite," said Zoisite. "We should go request a song!"
"Good idea," said Kunzite. "If I hear a good tune, I might grace everyone's presence with a mighty dance. But only if it's a great song."
They walked up to the DJ booth, and Kenji was in a frenzy, but this time a good one.
He was like a man possessed, and was spinning discs like an absolute maniac.
He was screaming, but no one could hear it over the loud music.
"KENJI!" yelled Zoisite over the loud music. "CAN WE REQUEST A SONG!?"
Kenji leaned in. "WHAT?!"
"SONG!?" asked Zoisite.
"Mmm," said Kenji. "Take it up with my tech nerd. He is in charge of the playlists. I'm just here to take control of the situation."
Zoisite and Kunzite walked up to Melvin.
"Nerd, is it?" said Kunzite. "Can you play the one that goes, "Yellow diamonds in the light / Now we're standing side by side"? You know what I'm talking about, right?"
"It's called 'We found love'!" yelled Zoisite.
Melvin just had a sour expression on his face. "No song requests," he said.
"Come now," said Zoisite. "It wouldn't hurt. I've never heard of a DJ or even a tech nerd not doing song requests!"
"Maxfield is dancing with my girl!" said Melvin. "And here you are, wanting to dance with your girl, or boy or whatever, I don't judge, I'm just a nerd. I won't stand for anyone else having fun."
"Who's Maxfield?" asked Zoisite.
He turned and saw Nephrite doing a crazy jig.
He got on the ground and did a spin on his back while holding his legs, and he finished the combo with a headstand.
Mully was on the ground, doing the worm.
"Yikes," said Zoisite. "Nephrite's really getting into California Gurls."
Melvin clenched his fist.
He suddenly changed the song halfway through, leaving Nephrite and Molly laying in awkward poses.
"Heh heh heh!" said Melvin.
That's when "In the End," came on, by Linkin Park.
Nephrite shrugged and went back to dancing.
Kunzite and Zoisite returned to the wall.
"Odd guy," they said.
"Hmm," said Jadeite. "I wish a girl would dance with me."
Ms. Haruna walked up.
"Hey handsome," said Haruna-sensei. "Care to dance?"
"You're too old," said Jadeite. "Go away."
"Why I never!" yelled Haruna.
"Jadeite's really an odd guy," said Zoisite.
"Yeah," said Kunzite. "Jadeite, if you want to dance with someone, you have to lower your standards."
"No can do," said Jadeite.
That's when Jadeite spotted a group of young girls entering.
It was Usagi and her friends, and they all weren't with boys, despite the fact of their attractive looks.
"Bingo," said Jadeite. "Goodbye. And keep the wall warm for me in case things go bad."
Jadeite grabbed a thing of punch, and jumped Minako like a cat pouncing on a mouse.
"Punch!" he said.
Minako threw a punch.
Jadeite took the blow to be nice.
"Watch it," he said. "But you have a sense of humor. Care for a dance?"
"Mmm," said Minako. "I don't think we've ever met. But okay!"
Jadeite turned to Zoisite and Kunzite, and did a fist pump.
"SCORE!" he mouthed, taking Minako by the shoulder.
"Wow," said Zoisite. "Looks like it's Jed's lucky day."
However, on the other side of the ballroom, it was Beryl's unlucky day.
"WHERE IS ENDYMION!?" she screamed loudly, scanning the full room.
She walked up to Kenji.
"Have you seen Chiba?" she said.
"I haven't seen," said Kenji. "I've been taken over by the music! And also these sunglasses are too dark."
Beryl was furious.
She did another scan of the crowd.
She saw Motoki trying to go after some girl while his sister fought him and held him back.
"You have a wife!" she said.
But Motoki was crazed by seeing one girl with moderately revealing clothing.
"RURRURURUR!" he growled.
"What a dog," thought Beryl.
"Please!" said Motoki's sister. "This is just like that Tiger's Eye episode. Control yourself, you horndog!"
"But it's been so long!" said Motoki. "I don't think Reika even has internet connection in Africa. I mean, how would she?"
"ONIIII-chan!" cried his sister.
Beryl also observed Grandpa trying to pull a move on some girls.
But he got punch thrown in his face.
"Shoot," said Grandpa. "That's the 12th strikeout today. I think this whole punch bowl is on me right now. Sad, from what I tasted when it hit me, it was good punch."
Beryl sighed and walked up to the punch bowl.
"Punch," she said.
"Don't tempt me," said Boxy, pounding the table with his boxing gloves.
He went to scoop some punch, but in his scoop was some kind of drowned rat.
"RRUUUUUU!" yelled Boxy, flinging the small beast across the room.
It hit Haruna, and she let out a shriek. "What is this?!" she said.
"Hmm," said Greg. "It appears to be a dead baby cat. She must have gotten too wild and jumped in the punch bowl. But she didn't have the arm strength to swim."
"Sad," said Haruna, disposing of the passed out creature.
Beryl stormed over to Melvin.
"What?!" barked Melvin.
"I have a special song request," said Beryl.
"No requests," said Melvin.
"Listen you little piece of shit," said Beryl, grabbing him by the throat. "I'll kill you."
"I mean!" coughed Melvin. "I'll take requests from you, but only this once!"
"Alright," said Beryl. "Now I want you to go on YouTube, and look up, 'Looking for You,' from the Super Mario Bros. Super Show. It was in the Mama Luigi episode."
"Ah," said Melvin. "Classic song."
The song came on, and everyone's mood was ruined by the terrible Koopaling singing.
"What is this?!" barked Taiki's forehead. "Play 'Search for Your Love' instead! It's just as fitting for whatever message someone is trying to get across with this song!"
"Shut up, you bodiless forehead!" screamed Beryl. "How do you even talk, you freak of nature?!"
"Well," said Taiki's forehead. "My brain is so big that I can send telepathic waves. Why do you think my forehead is so massive?"
"That's so gnarly," said Chad.
"Thank you," said Taiki's forehead.
The crowd awkwardly stood around for a minute and 30 seconds, as no one danced because they couldn't get into the beat.
Beryl started to cry sadly, and sung along in a whimper.
"I've looked high and I've looked low," she sang. "You know that everywhere I go… I'm looking… looking for you. You're just so hard to find…"
Finally the song ended, and everyone let out a sigh of relief.
Melvin put on Fire Burnin on the Dance Floor, and the crowd lit up again.
"This is my jam!" cried Kunzite.
He sprinted onto the dance floor.
He started waving his hands for everyone to make room, and everyone surrounded him.
That's when Kunzite started busting out crazy breakdancing moves, and everyone cheered.
"Somebody call 911!" the crowd sang.
"SHAWTY FIRE BURNIN ON THE DANCe FLOOR!" yelled Kunzite, really loud.
The song was over, and everyone applauded.
"What's that?" said Kunzite. "You said you want an encore?"
"NERD!" yelled Kunzite. "Play it again!"
The crowd went wild, and Melvin had no choice but to comply despite his salty attitude.
"Go Kunzite!" cheered Zoisite. "Show 'em what you're made of!"
That's when Zoisite was ripped away from the crowd, and Beryl got him in a chokehold for some reason.
"Zoisite!" barked Beryl. "Where's Chiba?"
"AAAAHHH!" yelled Zoisite. "Someone call 911! I'm being attacked!"
But everyone thought he was singing along, and ignored him.
Beryl threw a backhand, knocking him to the floor.
"Oww, what do you want?" whimpered Zoisite.
"Get me Chiba!" said Beryl. "Or you'll be hurtin' badly!"
"What am I, Chiba's owner?" demanded Zoisite.
Beryl bent down to throw him a backhand. "Are you calling him a dog?" said Beryl.
"Please don't hurt me," begged Zoisite.
"Then get me Chiba!" said Beryl. "I know you can go on his TV!"
"Fine," said Zoisite.
Suddenly, he faded away, and then appeared in Mamoru Chiba's TV.
"Chiba!" he yelled. "Mamoru-chan!"
But Chiba wasn't in the house.
Zoisite returned to the Negaverse.
"I got nothing," he said. "He wasn't home."
"Get him!" said Beryl. "What do you think this dance was for?!"
Zoisite grumbled. "Everyone gets to have fun," he said. "But not me."
He teleported away again.
Mamoru Chiba was hiding in an alley, but suddenly Zoisite abducted him.
"NO!" cried Chiba. "I knew this would happen! That's why I was hiding in the alley!"
Zoisite dropped Chiba off in the ballroom.
"Am I dismissed now?" he said.
"Yes," said Beryl. "Go away. Chiba my boy!"
Chiba frowned. "Oh brother," he groaned.
"Hmm," said Beryl. "That's rather informal clothing, but you can fix that, right? Change into Tuxedo Mask, since you for some reason came to this party in this base form."
"I was kidnapped," said Chiba.
"Well," said Beryl. "If you don't want your life to be taken, I suggest you transform right now."
But Chiba was a stubborn one, and started throwing punches in his base form.
Beryl took out a giant crystal, and pointed it at him.
"Transform now," she said. "Or it's over."
Chiba called her bluff, and didn't transform.
"I'm warning you," bluffed Beryl.
That's when Chiba suddenly started pulling at the crystal.
"Hey, cut that out!" said Beryl. "What are you doing?!"
That's when Chiba got ahold of the crystal, and stabbed it into his heart.
"Haha!" he said. "I'd rather die than go on a date with you!"
Beryl got really mad, but then she got really sad.
She got on the ground and sobbed.
"You okay?" asked Motoki's sister. "Need someone to talk to?"
"Shut up," said Beryl. "I don't even know your name, and no one does."
"Rude," said Motoki's sister. "My name is-"
That's when the music stopped.
Melvin was sitting at his DJ station, and he couldn't take seeing Nephrite happy with Molly anymore.
"Siri-chan," he said. "Put on something to ruin the mood."
Suddenly a sad violin started to play.
"Thank you!" called Beryl.
But everyone else was annoyed.
Kenji had gone deaf long ago, so he continued to scratch the discs like it was a crazy song.
Everyone just stood there.
"What idiot requested this?" yelled Mr. Kitakata.
The crowd started booing.
"Turn the sick jams back on!" they yelled.
"NO!" yelled Melvin. "This song expresses how I feel about my crush Molly over there-"
He put a spotlight on her.
"Turn back on the music, idiot!" yelled Nephrite.
"NEEVEEEERERRR!" yelled Melvin. "This is all your fault, Maxfield. Everyone, blame this all on that man over there! If you want the music back, you must destroy him!"
"Sounds like a plan," said Kunzite from the wall.
"Yes, YES!" screamed Melvin into the mic. "Let your anger consume you!"
However no one moved to do anything, even though Melvin thought he had them all in the palm of his hand.
They just stood there.
After Melvin was defeated soundly, he put back on good music and pretended like nothing happened, and hid behind his station.
"Too much drama in this proma," said Ms. Haruna, trying to crack a joke. "I'm so alone," she said.
Melvin watched very sadly as Nephrite and Molly were dancing.
He put the next song on, and it played after 2 minutes.
After Tonight, the music transitioned into a slower song.
"Hello darkness my old friend… I've come to talk to you again…"
It was a bit jazzy, so the crowd just kept dancing.
But Melvin's soul became one with the song, as it was clearly expressing his feelings.
Molly didn't even notice, and Melvin cried sadly.
After 3 minutes, the next song came on, Hentai and the Stone Cat OP.
Two hours into the party, the doors suddenly swung open.
It was vaguely familiar faces, and all four Shitennou turned their heads at once and glared.
The animosity was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
In walked none other than the Dark Moon Clan, villains from Season 2.
"Alright," said Zoisite loudly. "Who invited the Season 2's?"
"We don't need invitations, punk kid!" said Rubeus.
Nephrite and Kunzite got in their fighting stances.
"Easy now," said Zoisite. "Let's be the better people, unlike this Season 2 trash."
Suddenly Melvin was instantly invigorated.
"Hubba hubba!" he said. "Who's this green-haired girl?!"
He instantly flew in and got on his knees.
"Please," he said. "Be my date."
"Uh… no?" said Esmeraude. "Ew."
Jadeite took Melvin's place, throwing Minako to the ground.
"Please," said Jadeite. "Be my date."
"Hmm," said Esmeraude. "Very tempting. Very very tempting, in fact. But sadly I came here with Prince Dimande on a date."
"Wrong," said Dimande. "I thought you and Saphir went together."
"Eww, no," said Esmeraude. "I hate that guy."
Saphir shed a manly tear, and so did Jadeite.
The party somewhat resumed as normal, but it was clear as day that there was some tension in the air.
Zoisite and Kunzite, who were still on the wall, narrowed their eyes.
"I don't like this one little bit," said Kunzite. "They mean trouble, I know it. Just look at them. That guy's just some kind of cloth! Nothing rings trouble like a ragman!"
"Watch it," said Wiseman, approaching the two.
He did not walk away.
"Ummm," said Zoisite. "This is our spot."
"Ah," said Wiseman. "Then please pardon me," he said, levitating away.
"That was close," said Kunzite. "He almost killed me."
That's when a new figure entered the fray, leaning against the wall like a cool cat.
"Name's Rube," said Rubeus. "And I couldn't help but catch your eyes, pretty lady."
"Umm," said Zoisite. "I'm a guy."
Rubeus spit out his punch in Zoisite's face.
"What?!" demanded Rubeus. "It can't be! I just turned down whatserface, the cat one, to come dance with you!"
"Well listen, pal," said Kunzite, stepping up to the plate.
He was about half a foot taller than Rube, and although he wasn't stronger, and in fact very far from it, he did intimidate the young man.
"I'll be back," promised Rube. "And when I am, your face is gonna meet my fist!"
Rube fled.
"Phew," said Zoisite. "He was much stronger than you. But you didn't back down."
"Heh," said Kun. "I won't let anyone move in on you. Or spit punch in your face."
That's when a floating cloth man moved in to the center of the party floor, and started spinning his cloak and dancing with his bony hands.
His fingers were doing the disco pose, and everyone was turned off and quickly fled.
"Who is that floating towel?" asked Molly.
"Hey!" said Koan. "That's Wiseman!"
"Hey," said Molly. "Your dub voice sounds familiar."
"Not at all," said Koan.
"That towel," said Dimande, angrily. "Is our great adviser and truest ally."
"I wouldn't trust that man if I were you," said Mully.
"Who do you think you are?" demanded Dimande. "I am PRINCE Dimande, of the Dark Moon."
"Dark Moon?" asked Molly. "That doesn't exist, clown. My boyfriend Nephrite will clobber you."
"Hey now," said Nephrite. "I'm a pacifist, remember?"
"That's not true," said Molly. "You got in a fist fight with Melvin earlier today."
"Heh heh heh, she's just joking," said Nephrite to Dimande.
He pulled Mully aside.
"Listen," said Nephrite. "That man is very mighty. The power gap between seasons is exponential, but this man in particular is so mighty that the Sailors didn't even dare fight him, and in fact he could be stronger than much later seasons. One time he just walked into a room and everyone dropped, just from his aura alone."
"Yikes," said Molly. "I thought he was just a man in a goofy costume."
"No," said Nephrite. "People who believe in the debunked Crystal Tokyo as the true future theory, and the same timeline theory, believe that that man is even stronger than Galaxia, somehow. Even though that theory has long been disproven, and every true fan knows that Crystal Tokyo will not happen in the main timeline, due to time theory. Like with Trunks, in Dragon Ball Z. But his man is still very mighty."
"Alright," said Mully. "I'll steer clear from him and his posse."
"Good," said Nephrite. "So will I."
Motoki's sister, meanwhile, had finally got Motoki restrained on a leash, due to his unruly behavior at spotting some of the women.
"Seriously!" said Motoki's sister. "You promised Reika-san you'd wait! Don't do this, you'll regret it forever."
"Alright," said Motoki. "I think I've really calmed down. You can untie that leash now."
"Not a chance," said Motoki's sister.
That's when Esmeraude walked by, and Motoki's eyes turned blood red.
"ARRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screeched.
He got on all fours and started chasing after her, like a man who lost control.
Motoki's sister tried to pull the beast back, but he was too mighty just from seeing such a sight, and Motoki's sister was suddenly flung into the wall when Motoki took a sharp turn.
"UROOOROOORORO!" howled Motoki, barking at Esmeraude from the floor.
She took off running, and Motoki chased after her.
"BEEAASTTT!" she cried. "Get this thing away from me!"
Grandpa, stepping up to the opportunity to impress such a young pretty lady, tackled Motoki to the ground, and threw a karate chop to a pressure point, completely paralyzing him for 20 minutes.
"Control yourself, boy," he said.
"Thanks for the help," said Esmeraude.
Grandpa slid in, not even physically moving his legs.
"Say," said Grandpa.
"Not a chance, old man," said Esmeraude.
Grandpa had one rejection too many, and decided it was time to end his 3,000 year existence.
But that's when he spotted Rube's harem, and regained the will to live.
He slid over not moving his legs, as though he was slipping on some kind of ice.
"Mmmmm," he said and nothing more.
"Who is this old man?" said Petz.
Saphir was standing at the DJ booth.
"Nerd," he said.
"Why do people keep calling me that?!" cried Melvin. "Alexa, am I a nerd?"
"Yes," said Alexa.
"Woe is me," cried Melvin.
"Nerd," repeated Saphir. "I need you to play a song. It's called, 'You Belong with Me,' and if you can, get on the mic and do a shout-out, 'This one's for Esmeraude.' Don't say my name."
"No way!" said Melvin. "If I can't have true love, no one can!"
Saphir narrowed his eyes.
"Listen, buddy. You're not in the position to say that. I sense a power level of no less than 0," scoffed Saphir.
Melvin stuck out his tongue. "Can it, you blue-haired Chiba-look-alike."
That's when Saphir shot a beam out of his hand, killing Melvin and turning off the song.
Kenji was still jamming out and spinning discs, even though there was no song on.
"Oh great," groaned Nephrite. "The season 2's have done it now. There's no way to avoid this conflict now."
He held his face in his hand. "Oh boy," he groaned. "I didn't want to die today."
"Oops," said Saphir. "Look, I didn't mean any trouble. The kid was rude to me, so I taught him a lesson. I thought that other man would keep DJing, but he's in his own world."
"ROCK ON!" yelled Kenji. "YEAH! YEAH! SHAWTY! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"
Kunzite had enough of these Season 2ers wrecking his fun, and him flanked by Jadeite and Zoisite marched straight up to the DJ booth and confronted Saphir.
"You must leave," said Kunzite. "Right Beryl?"
Beryl had taken her own life.
"Well, she would have said yes," said Kunzite. "And you are IN the Dark Kingdom. This is no Dark Moon, and we would never show up to a party in your domain, and start killing people!"
"Yeah!" added Jadeite. "You Chiba-look-alike!"
"Who is Chiba?" demanded Saphir.
That's when Petz jumped in, defending her crush.
"Hey, back off," she said. "Saphir's a good man. If he said he didn't mean to cause trouble, he meant it."
"Look," added Nephrite. "I don't like that nerd as much as anyone, and frankly he's better off dead. But it comes down to respect, and knowing one's place."
"Nephroyt!" said Molly. "Melvin was a good man."
"I'm not the one who killed him," said Nephrite.
"This is getting awkward," said Rei. "It might be time to skedaddle soon."
"Let's wait this one out," said Usagi Tsukino. "Like a storm, it will pass."
But they couldn't be more wrong.
Dimande had now entered the fray.
"You Season 1'ers seem to keep talking about places," said Dimande. "But on the hierarchy of Seasons, we are superior. Wherever we say is our place, is our place."
"What about the Dead Moon Circus, or Galaxy TV?" asked Jadeite.
"Notexactlymm…" mumbled Dimande.
"Can someone get this crazed dog off me?!" yelled Esmeraude, with her foot in Motoki's crazed face.
"Oooh!" said Grandpa, sliding in for a peak under her skirt.
"AAHHHH! Ridiculous!" said Esmeraude.
Dimande was so mad his third eye appeared.
He stepped right up to Kunzite, and the two men were only an inch away.
They were about the same height, and their hair was the same color.
For a second, Zoisite couldn't spot which one was which.
"Hey," said Jadeite. "Is that man some kind of Triclops? Do you know Tenshinhan, the only other Triclops I know?"
"Shut up," said Dimande.
Literal sparks started to flicker between the two leaders.
Zoisite started to get spooked.
"Come now," he said. "There's no need for violence."
"Oh, don't worry," said Dimande. "This young man here is not foolish enough to come to blows with me. Or at least I hope not, for his sake."
"Big talk, big boy," said Kunzite. "I heard you got killed by a rag."
Dimande gasped. "Who told you about that?!"
Wiseman whistled awkwardly, but he was standing behind his season, nonetheless.
Mully stepped up to the DJ booth, and started playing 'Why Can't We Be Friends.'
This only angered Dimande, and he turned and fired a beam, destroying the DJ booth.
"There goes Melvin's laptop," said Nephrite. "Hey wait! MULLY! Are you okay?! Now you've done it, you three-eyed freak!"
Suddenly, the conflict had finally hit the ceiling, and it was definitely the climax of the situation.
Even one small stimulus would cause a full-scale war to break out.
That's when a man in the back yelled, "Everyone attack!" and it turned into a ballroom blitz.
Kunzite swung his fist in a punch, but his opponent was one step ahead of him, and grabbed his head in his hand and slammed him to the ground.
Zoisite foolishly threw himself at Dimande, but he never even made it.
Jadeite fired lightning out of his palms, scattering the four sisters.
He threw another bolt at the big boss, but Dimande put up a forcefield that was ten times stronger than the one that Saphir put up that blocked Wiseman's attack.
"YeeeeeeEESssh," said Jadeite. "That was powerful lightning."
Rubeus threw a leaping kick at Kunzite, tossing him across the room.
"Hoo hA!" yelled Rubeus.
But that's when Nephrite fired a Starlight Attack, and Rubeus quickly dove to the side.
Kenji finally noticed his surroundings, and saw a ballroom blitz happening before his eyes.
All hell had broken loose, and he had no choice but to start playing the song itself, Ballroom Blitz.
After his role of DJ was complete, he stood up on the stand and leapt off of it, landing on Dimande's back.
He wrapped his arms around his neck, and attempted to take him to the ground.
"Get off me, you creature!" yelled Dimande.
He leapt backwards into a stalagmite, fully utilizing his unfamiliar environment, and Kenji was no more.
Queen Metalia, in a panic, brought Beryl back to life, knowing that if the blitz continued, her lair would soon be raided.
Beryl sprung to life, and didn't even need a second to get her bearings before throwing an attack.
She fired a beam out of her ball, and put Berthier in an eternal sleep.
Then she fired a giant beam of light, but suddenly Wiseman flew in the way using his own crystal ball, and shot his own attack.
But his was tenfold, and easily ripped through Beryl, killing her.
Metalia sighed, and revived her again.
She leapt at Wiseman, but got torn to shreds somehow.
Beryl respawned again, and readied a crystal.
But she was in a different room this time.
"Ah, hi Metalia," she said.
"We must fuse," said Metalia. "Things have gotten out of hand."
"Hmmm," said Beryl. "Why not with Kunzite? If you actually fused with him, he might stand a chance against some of the weaker ones."
"I can't do that," said Metalia. "I'd have to get him into this room, but he's too strong for me to just teleport him here all willy-nilly. If he dies, I'll fuse with him for sure."
They waited five minutes for Kunzite to die, but he was wrestling Rubeus on the floor, putting up the best effort against a season 2er that anyone was.
"Alright," said Metalia. She flew out and went inside Beryl, and suddenly Super Beryl entered the ballroom.
She threw her whole body at the two brothers, and they leapt out of the way.
Wiseman was floating 10 feet off the ground.
"I gotcha!" said Zoisite, giddily. Being the man was but a rag, Zoisite shot a fire attack, catching his cloak on fire.
"URRRHHHHGHH!" yelled Wiseman. "URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Esmeraude spawned her fan, and quickly fanned Wiseman, putting out the flames.
"Thank you," said Wiseman. "Would you like a crown in reward?"
"No thank you," said Esmeraude. "It won't match my party dress."
Jadeite was surveying the area, and taking steps backwards one step at a time.
He was turning his head in all directions, hoping not to get jumped.
But that's when suddenly a shadowy figure started choking him.
It was none other than Wiseman, doing his signature move, the choke.
That's when Zoisite, the crafty one, turned on a giant fan right before Jadeite's life was taken.
Wiseman, being just a rag, was swept away and never seen again.
Esmeraude, who was charging up an attack with her fan, had her dress suddenly thrown up in the wind.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" said Grandpa and Motoki sliding in.
"Hot dog!"
"NOOOOOOOO!" said Esmeraude.
She shot a beam out of her fan, and Grandpa quickly vanished.
But Motoki was a sitting duck.
He gasped, as his face lit up.
But in a shocking turn of events, Zoisite sprinted in and took the blow.
"OOF!" he said.
"Why?!" said Motoki. "I thought you hated me!"
Zoisite ignored him and turned to Esmeraude as he laid on the ground.
"Not today," he said. "Motoki is and always will be my kill."
He fired a weak beam, killing Motoki, and Motoki's sister let out a roar.
She threw herself at Zoisite, who was now permanently crippled, and threw punch after punch.
"HEEEELP!" yelled Zoisite.
But the room was too much of a ballroom blitz, and Motoki's sister successfully killed Zoisite, finally just by choking him.
"I did it!" she said.
But then she got killed in the crossfire of a random attack.
Rubeus shot his strobe attack.
"WOooo!" yelled Nephrite. "Fitting for a party!"
He shot his Starlight scatter shot, and the whole room lit up with explosions.
Usagi and friends went back to dancing, but were killed as they didn't transform in time to realize there was a threat.
Shingle, who was at the party the whole time but was just waiting to see Kenji's death, finally decided it was a good time to escape.
He increased his speed stat, and sprinted towards the door.
It was a clear-cut path, but right before he made it, the DJ booth that Kenji rigged with heat-seeking missiles locked onto Shingle, and Shingle was taken to the great beyond.
Kunzite ended up locked in arms with Dimande, but then he found himself on the ground shortly, with Dimande's foot on his back.
"It's over," said Dimande. "There can only be one white hair."
"What… what about Berthier?" asked Kunzite.
"NOOOO!" yelled Dimande. "Well, there can only be one white haired boy."
He went to throw the finishing blow.
"What about Helios?" spat Kunzite. "Or those two Droidos of Esmeraude's that look like me?"
"Shut up!" said Dimande. "You won't distract me! I will kill you now!"
"Wrong," said Kunzite. "I think the only one about to die is you!"
"Nani?!" said Dimande in Japanese.
That's when Taiki's forehead flew in in a beam of light, colliding with Dimande at max velocity, and tossing him all the way across the room into a wall where he dropped to the ground.
"I don't feel so good," said Taiki's forehead, disintegrating.
Kunzite stood up and did a salute. "Goodbye, T-head," he said.
"Maybe things have worked out for the Dark Kingdom," said Kunzite. Then he tripped over Zoisite's corpse and fell to the floor.
"NO!" he said. "What happened?! Why are you covered with punches that look like they came from a weak human!?"
Meanwhile, Super Beryl had finished off the four sisters, since it's reasonable to suggest she had the power to do so.
"HAHAHAHA!" laughed Super Beryl.
But that's when there was a flash of light, and suddenly her head popped off.
"EEEEASSSY!" said Saphir.
"Oh man," said Nephrite. "That man will be a mighty tree to chop down."
"Focus on our opponent," said Jadeite.
Standing in front of Nephrite, Jadeite, and Grandpa, was none other than Rubeus, who dared to take them all on.
"On the count of three," said Nephrite. "One, two-"
Jadeite threw himself, but Rubeus dodged.
"No!" said Nephrite. "I meant after I say three, not when three would be said!"
Nephrite sighed and charged.
He threw many punches, and so did Rube.
Jed threw many punches as well, and even Grandpa landed a few pressure point hits.
The exchange of blows was very fast-paced, but suddenly Jadeite received more punches than he could receive, and dropped to the ground and died.
Rubeus threw a knee into Grandpa, and he died as well.
Nephrite was sporting battle scars all over, and he knew it was towards the end of the road.
"I wish I had my crystal," said Rube. "This exchange of blows would have been a lot shorter."
Nephrite, in a last ditch effort, threw a grand slam, but it didn't make it out of the park, and Rube was still standing.
Rube through a punch, but suddenly Yaten (base) came in and caught it.
"YES!" cheered Haruna. "The Season 5's have made it!"
But Yaten quickly was overwhelmed, as he was in his base form and he refused to transform to fight a Season 2.
"Seasonal pride does us all in," considered Saphir. "Like poor Dimande over there."
Kunzite suddenly tackled Rubeus, and threw punch after punch, saving Nephrite's life.
He threw a mighty kick into Rube's face, and that's when Nephrite spotted an opening, and threw a mighty flyby right into Rube's spine, destroying him.
Rubeus struck out.
"Thanks for the save," said Nephrite.
"Yes," said Kunzite. "Other than Chiba-look-alike, we've taken them all out I believe."
"What about the girl?" said Nephrite.
"She's finished," said Kunzite. "I watched from the sidelines as a tag team of Gamer Joe, his brother Kitakata, Boxy the Priest, Ryo, and Haruna-sensei defeated her soundly. But they all were slain in the process, except for Haruna who pulled a cowardly flee and let Boxy die."
"Hey," said Haruna. "It's kill or be killed. And I didn't want to be killed. So I indirectly killed Boxy by fleeing when he needed help the most."
Kunzite spat. "You have no pride."
"So what's the plan?" said Nephrite.
"Hmm," said Kunzite. "I don't know what our plan is, or how we can fight these big dogs. Even those four sisters, had Super Beryl not finished them off, would have given us trouble. And now we have to fight this blue guy, who even the Sailors could never defeat. Whereas they were able to topple me due to luck."
"Hmm," said Nephrite. "I think Koan used the afterimage technique one time."
"How is that gonna help us?" said Kunzite. "She's dead."
"I know," said Nephrite. "I'm just pointing out an interesting fact."
"And," said Kunzite. "You're severely battle-worn. You can only take a few more blows. If only Metalia had fused with me instead of that weakling Beryl…"
Nephrite waited for Kunzite to come up with something, but Kunzite looked stumped.
"Hopefully some savior will come in," said Kunzite at last. "A curveball like T-head, or Yaten base catching a punch before going down. Where's Seiya?"
"Boys," said Saphir, approaching them. "Ready to have a dance?"
"What kind of dance?" said Kunzite.
"A bloody one," said Saphir.
"No thanks," said Kunzite. "How about you go back to your little moon and call it a day?"
"I can't do that in all good consciousness," said Saphir. "Your pack of humans killed Esmeraude! I must make you pay!"
"They're hardly our humans," said Nephrite. "I hate all of them. Especially Joe."
"Rrrr, I hate Joe," said Kunzite.
"It's time to die," said Saphir.
That's when none other than Wiseman approached the few remaining fighters.
"Oh brother," said Nephrite. "Now we're really done for."
But that's when Wiseman shot a beam, almost killing Saphir.
"WISEMAN!" said Saphir. "You fool! We're on the same side!"
"No," said Wiseman. "The only side I'm on is the Doom Phantom's!"
Saphir killed Wiseman, tearing his cloak to shreds and then flushing it down the Negasewer.
"Don't underestimate the Dark Moon Clan!" he yelled.
That's when Kunzite charged with all he had, and got Saphir in a bear hug.
"Hey!" said Saphir. "I know you're gay, but I'm not! So don't get the wrong idea!"
Suddenly Kunzite lit up, and exploded, taking Saphir to heck with him.
"Hmm," said Nephrite. "I guess his pride means more to him than his hate for me. Good work, Kunzite. You died with honor."
Nephrite scanned the ballroom where the blitz had broken out.
"I guess that's it," he said. "I won the ballroom blitz."
Chad randomly charged him with a knife, but Nephrite laid him to rest.
"Odd," said Nephrite.
But that's when he turned to the sound of motion, and to his horror, saw Dimande getting to his feet.
"You fools!" he said. "Did you really think an attack like that would defeat me?!"
Nephrite got in his battle stance, but he knew it was over.
"I will finish you off painfully!" said Dimande. "For destroying my family!"
"Shoot," said Nephrite.
Dimande opened up his third eye, ready to throw the finishing move.
But suddenly in that split second, Haruna pulled out a pencil from class and threw it with assassin-like precision, hitting him square in the third eye, which was actually his power source and heart.
Dimande died.
"GG," said Haruna.
"Good work," said Nephrite.
He decided to let her live.
"Call me when you're having another ball!" called Haruna. "I'll bring a date next time for sure!"
She went to leave. "You're not single, are you?"
"Back off," said Nephrite.
"Right, right, I'll leave with 2 to 0 kills for me," said Haruna.
"Hey!" called Nephrite. "You can't count teaming with 5 people a kill! That's called an assist, and that's only worth half a kill! Plus you let Boxy die, so that should be a minus one!"
"Wrong," said Haruna. "That should be minus a half a point, because it was an assist in which Esmeraude did a part in killing him too."
"Whatever," said Nephrite.
"1 kill for Haruna!" cheered Haruna, dancing away.
