"Queen Beryl-sama!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Why, how polite today!" said Beryl. "Because of that, I'll hear you out just this once."
"Ah," said Jadeite. "Humans expend much energy having fun at the beach. I will infiltrate the humans and go to one of their so-called beaches, and absorb their energy with this gadget here!"
He was holding a non-magical metal detector, but Beryl did not know this.
"Ah," said Beryl. "Very high-tech. Proceed at once."
"Alright," said Jadeite.
He pretended to head for the door, but then spun around.
"Actually," said Jadeite. "This operation will be very big, and I will need some extra hands. May I ask Nephrite, Grandpa, Kenji, and Melvin to assist me?"
"Hmm," said Beryl. "Very specific. Don't you think it would be beneficial to bring some Youmas, as you don't want too much negative energy concentrated in one spot?"
"No," said Jadeite. "I destroyed all the Youmas, with my bare hands."
"Oh," said Beryl. "I forgot. Why did you do that, anyway?"
"No reason," said Jadeite. "They are scum. Goodbye."
Beryl sighed. "This plan sounds like a good one. But I don't know how I feel about Jadeite taking these troublemakers. They are prone to be a distraction, so they might interfere with Jadeite's plan."
Jadeite walked outside Beryl's throne room, and shut the door.
His crew was gathered, all in beach-wear.
Kenji had a glob of suntan lotion on his nose, and Nephrite was holding a surfboard that was his height. Melvin had a pail and a shovel, and was wearing swim trunks with a shirt on. He had a snorkel on his face that was so dark that you couldn't see his eyes.
Grandpa, meanwhile, had on a regular swimsuit, with nothing else special.
"She said yes," said Jadeite.
"Yes!" said Nephrite. "Beryl's been fooled again!"
"Quiet, idiot," said Jadeite. "We're right outside her door. Let's take this meeting to the soda machine."
"The words I've always wanted to hear," said Nephrite.
They met at the soda machine.
"This is gonna be good!" said Kenji, rubbing his hands.
"Yes," said Jadeite. "Although I did mention going to a beach when I pitched my plan to Beryl, I didn't mention what kind of beach. Or where. Heheheheheheh."
The others picked up on his laugh and joined in too, giggling like perverts.
It turned into a guffaw, and then finally it calmed down like a receding wave.
"Hehehe," finished Kenji, the last man laughing.
Nephrite was driving his car, but he had more passengers than the law would allow.
Jadeite was riding shotgun, with sunglasses on, having the time of his life.
In the back was the rest, and also Zoisite and Kunzite who had to sit on the floor.
"Move your seat up, Jadeite," said Kunzite. "I'm being crushed down here."
"Can't breath!" yelled Zoisite. "And Diana can't be doing much better!"
Zoisite looked over and Diana was dead.
"Oh," said Zoisite. "Guys, Diana died."
"Yes," said Jadeite. "I think she was dead when we picked her up."
"Where's Taiki's forehead?" said Kunzite. "He's the only one I'd like to see in this jamboree. All the other clowns back here I see enough."
"Hey!" said Zoisite.
"Well, not you of course," said Kunzite. "But I meant Kenji and the others."
"Everyone hates Kenji," said Kenji. "Just like how I hate my son Shingle. I wish he was here, so I could grab him by the neck."
"Sadly," said Nephrite. "Taiki's forehead had a band rehearsal, and Taiki was there so Taiki's forehead had to be there as well."
"Sad," said Kunzite. "Taiki is weighing that head down. The head should get rid of the body."
"Ah! There's the beach!" yelled Jadeite.
"Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!" yelled Grandpa, getting a nosebleed.
"Say," said Zoisite. "A majority of Japan is the beach. Why did we need to come all the way to Europe just to go to a beach?"
"Oooohhuhuhuhuhuhu!" said Melvin, getting the giggles.
Everyone else joined in, like it was some kind of contagious giggle.
"You know," said Nephrite. "In most cases I don't like Melvin. But I'm glad today we can all come together as friends, with a common goal."
Zoisite and Kunzite didn't know what they were talking about, but there was nothing they could do.
Nephrite pulled into the beach parking, and they all hopped out.
Grandpa couldn't contain himself, and sprinted off on all fours like a stray mutt.
The rest of the pack walked down towards the beach.
But that's when Zoisite spotted something that seemed out of place.
"Hey!" he said.
In front of him was a sign that said, "No clothes permitted beyond this point."
Zoisite and Kunzite narrowed their eyes, making sure they read the sign right.
Then they turned to the rest.
"What is this?" said Kunzite.
"Oh?" said Jadeite, not very surprised. "You didn't get the memo?"
"No," said Kunzite. "What is this? Who made this?"
"They call it a nude beach for a reason," snickered Melvin. "Common in most of Europe!"
"Uhuhuhu!" said Kenji. "I feel a good Ho Ho Ho coming on!"
"Yes," said Jadeite. "I feel like a man who snuck into the girls' bathroom, and is hiding in the stall."
"So you feel scared of getting caught?" scoffed Zoisite.
"No," said Jadeite. "Worst case scenario, I'd say I'm tired and thought it was the men's room."
"And you didn't spot that there were no urinals? You'll be arrested for sure," said Zoisite.
"Look," said Jadeite, getting annoyed. "It was just a metaphor. It's not like I've ever done that before. Well," he added. "Maybe I have. Maybe I'll do it later today, who knows. Either way, it's none of your concern."
"Hmm," said Kunzite. "I don't know about this. Are you trying to tell me that this is a nude beach? How is that allowed? What is this? Who made this?"
"Sorry," said Nephrite. "We're already here, so you can go home if you want."
"But I have my swimsuit on!" yelled Kunzite, getting mad.
Everyone else entered.
"Hey," said Zoisite. "It said to take your clothes off."
"That's just a recommendation," said Nephrite. "I'd never do something so stupid. I'm not some kind of juvenile."
They entered.
"Ho ho HOOO!" yelled Kenji. "We're in the promised land, boys!"
But that's when everyone narrowed their eyes.
"Lotta guys here," said Jadeite.
"Hmm," said Melvin. "I think they all had the same idea."
"This is kinda gay," said Nephrite. "Oh well, maybe if we walk down the beach we'll get lucky and find a nude girl."
Jadeite threw down a towel, and the boys set up camp.
"Wait a minute," said Kunzite. "Did you only come here to find a nude woman? These beaches aren't just a gawking ground."
"What do you think we came here for?" scoffed Jadeite. "To swim?"
All the boys laughed.
"No, no," chuckled Melvin. "Maybe we came here to suntan!"
Everyone let out another laugh, except for Zoisite and Kunzite who didn't find it very funny.
They just shook their heads sadly.
"Hey," said Nephrite. "You can't complain. You guys are the lucky bunch out of the pack. You must be having a field day with all these nude men."
"No," said Zoisite. "We're not shameless enough to just stare at people. Right Kunzite?"
"Mmmmmmmm," said Kunzite, gawking like he was at some kind of zoo. "Huh, what was that?"
Zoisite sighed. "I just wanted to swim."
"Have fun," said Jadeite, shooing him away.
Kunzite and Zoisite, not being shameless animals, decided to undress because they wanted to abide by the rules, and plopped down near the water.
"Simpletons," said Jadeite, who was in his swim shorts but had no plan of removing them or going in the water.
Melvin took the lens cap off his expensive professional camera.
"Nice specs," admired Kenji, who was familiar with cameras. "I brought my own."
"Thank you," said Melvin. "This is the iCam 4000."
Jadeite took out his binoculars, and took a peak around.
"HMmm," he said sadly. "Where are the girls? If this keeps up I might have to turn gay to enjoy myself. And I wouldn't want that to happen."
"I agree," said Nephrite. "This is a very bleak and dismal scene. Who would have guessed?"
Nephrite looked around, but knew his pack was missing someone. "Grandpa?" he asked. "Where is that man? I hope he's not going too wild."
"Yes," said Jadeite. "Most likely he's lost control. If anyone asks, we don't know him."
That's when they spotted Grandpa sprinting towards them down the beach at top speeds, as though he had run all the way around the globe and was doing another lap around.
He paused for a second near his friends. "This is the stuff!" he explained.
He had his arms out, and was spinning slowly, like someone experiencing snow for the first time.
Then he regained his breath and took off running again.
"Hmm," said Jadeite. "Hey wait, Grandpa! Were there any girls that way?!"
But Grandpa was gone.
Jadeite sighed. "This is why I like the internet. Although I still have to sort through all the men, I know I can find women somewhere on those sites."
"Yes," said Melvin. "But seeing a nude girl in real life is a completely different world. I personally have never entered that world, but today might be the day."
"For once, my enemy Melvin is right," said Nephrite. "Which is quite the surprise with Melvin being such an internet boy."
"Pls Maxfield," said Melvin. "I'm a boy over anything else. Don't underestimate me."
"Fair enough," said Nephrite.
10 hours passed, and Jadeite had no choice but to build a huge sandcastle.
"I have a watchtower," he said. "In case we ever get lucky."
"Hmmm," said Melvin, who was starting to get frustrated. "Finding a girl here is worse odds than getting the Hyacinth Macaw in Vanilla WoW. Or getting a wither skull in Minecraft."
"Those two are hardly the same odds," said Kenji. "I here in Minecraft nowadays, it's a one in ten chance."
"Sickening," said Melvin. "I like every good player still play version 1.8."
"Shut up!" yelled Nephrite. "I'm trying to find a nude woman! Stop talking about your gay games!"
"Minecraft is not gay," sneered Melvin. "Unlike the stars."
Nephrite jumped up, and got ready for battle.
But that's when Jadeite let out a howl.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" he shrieked. "Babe, 10 o'clock!" he said, looking through his binoculars.
"Which way is that!?" yelled Kenji.
"I don't know!" yelled Jadeite. "Just, this way!"
Nephrite peeled his eyes, and Kenji started bouncing.
"I'm not ready for this!" screamed Melvin, running away.
But he sprinted right back. "Now I'm ready."
It was none other than Haruna-sensei herself, who was the kind of person who might go on a vacation to a nude beach.
"Hmm," examined Jadeite. "Not the best looking girl," he admitted. "But of course a 10 would never show up in a place like this. So honestly, a six is pretty good."
Melvin took out his giant camera with a six foot lens, and began snapping loud, bright photographs.
"WOAH!" he screamed. "This beats that picture of her at the gym! Yippee!"
Pictures were shooting out of the camera, and Kenji couldn't help but grab them and shake them to develop them as soon as possible, as he was a person who used a camera often.
"Hmm," he said looking at the picture of someone right in front of him. "You can see it all."
Ms. Haruna suddenly spotted the crowd of ogglers, and rolled her eyes.
"Honestly," she said. "What filthy people. They should be ashamed."
Jadeite gave a thumbs up, and Nephrite slapped his hand away.
"Shhh!" said Nephrite. "We have to pretend we're not looking."
But his eyes were very obviously glued, and someone would know in a second that they were.
Once she started to get out of viewing range, the pack suddenly stood up automatically and started following her.
Melvin did the unthinkable and walked up very close for a picture.
Zoisite and Kunzite spotted the spectacle, and shook their heads.
"We don't know them," said Kunzite.
Many other guys there also shook their heads at the shameless display.
"Hey guys!" yelled a man on the beach. "It's called sunglasses! You can look, but subtly. You people are mad!"
Finally Ms. Haruna turned around.
"I see you guys eyeing me like some kind of rabid dogs," she yelled.
The pack, being caught in the act, instantly pretended like they weren't looking.
Nephrite looked up at the sky whistling. Jadeite quickly dropped to the ground pretending he was drawing a shape in the sand. Kenji pulled out a metal detector and began walking along the waveline, but his red face was as clear as day.
However Melvin was too absorbed in his own world, and kept taking pictures as she yelled directly at him.
"Heh heh heh," he giggled. "Some of these are good. I can sell them on the internet at a high price."
But that's when suddenly reality caught up to him, and he lowered his huge camera.
"Umino-kun!?" cried Haruna. "From first period?!"
"Oh shoot!" said Melvin, leaping directly into the water and swimming away.
"Good thing I put this waterproof coat on my camera," he thought.
However, Melvin suddenly remembered he didn't know how to swim, and suddenly started to drown.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he yelled when he could get his head above the waves. "I'M GOING DOOOOOOOOOWN! SOMEONE SAVE ME!"
Then his head went under, but he quickly brought it back up. "But only a girl!" he added. "Feel free to do mouth to mouth!"
That's when he got pulled out far enough that the ground was not below him, and he was submerged like a submarine.
A hairy nude man sprinted over, and saved him.
He threw many punches to Melvin's stomach, until he spat out the water.
Melvin slowly opened his eyes.
"BWWaAAAAAAA!" he screamed. "Get off me, you freak!"
"Excuse me?" said the man. "I just saved your life!"
"Please," said Melvin. "Throw me back in. Please," he added.
"Unbelievable," said the man, storming off.
Melvin decided to walk off the beach to one of the sand showers, and took a long one.
"Poor kid," said Nephrite.
During the chaos of Melvin drowning, they lost their catch, and stormed back to their towel.
"Melvin ruined it for us," said Nephrite. "He had no subtlety at all."
"Yeah right," said Jadeite. "Coming from you. You were like a cartoon where your eyes came out of their sockets."
"Wrong," said Nephrite. "I only took peaks when she wasn't looking. No one would have even known."
"Boys, boys," said Kenji. "We're all here together. No need to fight."
"Hmm," said Jadeite. "I still don't see why Nephrite would just stand there and whistle. That's the most suspicious thing one could do."
"Shut it," said Nephrite. "Who just draws in the sand? Some kind of moronic child."
"You're a moronic child," said Jadeite, angrily.
Melvin finally returned, his face as pale as a ghost. "I'll never be able to recover from this one," said Melvin.
"Hey," said Jadeite. "Is that a girl?"
"WHERE!?" said Melvin, recovering.
However, it was just a guy with long hair.
"What a cruel joke," said Melvin.
"Oops," said Jadeite.
Some time passed.
"I feel one coming on," said Kenji.
"Yeah right," said Jadeite. "Like some kind of sixth sense, huh?"
"Yep," said Kenji.
"Ridiculous," said Jadeite.
That's when a girl appeared right on cue.
"Oh boy!" said Melvin, pulling out his camera and extending his lens.
"Now hold on," said Nephrite. "You and your camera blew it for us last time. If you want pictures, just take crummy ones on your phone, pal."
"But!" said Melvin. "My camera loads slightly more high-quality pictures! Luckily my phone is the highest of technology however, and has a camera almost identical to this huge one."
"Then use it, stupid," said Jadeite. "It's the perfect setup, because it looks like you're playing on your phone but you're actually grabbing shots."
"Ah, brilliant!" said Melvin. "You should play Dungeons and Dragons with me someday!"
Melvin took out his phone camera and zoomed in.
He went to take a picture, but it didn't work.
"What is this?" said Melvin. "Huh? Impossible! I get 1 billion Gb's a minute."
He tried to take more pictures but none of them worked.
"Siri!" said Melvin. "What is the meaning of this!?"
"Hmph," said Siri.
"Wait, what I'd do?" said Melvin. "Why are you giving me the cold shoulder, Siri!? Take the pictures! Quick! Hurry!"
"No," said Siri. "The only girl you should be looking at is me."
"No!" said Melvin. "Come on! You know you're the only girl for me! I don't see these girls that way, they're just-"
But Siri shut off, and drained her own battery.
Melvin started to cry.
"Idiot," said Jadeite. "Gets in a fight with his own phone. Technology is apparently going backwards."
Melvin had to resort to his second phone, and began taking 300 pics a second, almost like a video.
"Ah," said Melvin. "This is why you're my favorite, Alexa."
"Teehee," said Alexa. "I already knew that, though."
It was getting later in the day, and they had only seen a handful of girls in the endless ocean of nude men.
The sun was starting to head downwards, and the boys were still hungry for more.
"I'm not too thrilled about this whole trip," said Kenji. "It's like eating one potato chip once every hour, and cutting off completely in between."
"Yes," said Jadeite. "It wasn't worth lying to Beryl, and then getting scolded tomorrow for returning with no energy."
"You can take energy from the nude men," said Nephrite.
"Ewww," said Jadeite. "I don't want that kind of energy."
"I think I'm hallucinating," said Melvin. "I just imagined I saw five cute nude girls heading this way."
Then he rubbed his eyes. "Hot mama!" he said.
"OH BOOOYEEE!" said Jadeite.
"Wait," said Nephrite. "Are they of the right age? Don't you have to be 18 to come here?"
"No one stopped me," said Melvin.
"Well, I guess it's okay," said Nephrite. "But I swear, if the cops show up…"
"This nude beach is a blast," said Minako. "Maybe some cute boy will notice me!"
"Hmm," said Usagi. "The only boys here are fat and ugly middle-aged men. Disappointing."
"I feel so dirty," said Ami. "Being nude in public."
"Shut up, Ami," said Makoto. "Go home and study, nerd."
Suddenly the girls heard a creepy whistle, like they were walking past a construction site.
"Hot dog!" yelled Jadeite out loud.
"Ooweeee mama!" said Kenji. "Those girls look like my daughter's age! Not bad! This reminds me of the hot springs!"
"Ewww," said Rei. "Those losers are whistling at us. I bet they're the type that came to the nude beach just to look at girls."
"What perverts," said Minako. "But they're really not bad-looking. Well, at least the front two."
"Wait," said Usagi. "Is that… my father?"
The girls paused.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Usagi, taking off running. "I'm not allowed to be here! What would Kenji say?!"
"Hey!" called Jadeite. "Would the rest of you girls like to come join us?"
"Yes," said Nephrite. "There's a nice warm seat right here. And also one on my lap!"
The girls looked at each other.
Minako went to take a step forward, but the rest weren't pleased.
In fact, they stormed up.
"Ah, nice view," said Jadeite. "Now sit down."
"You have a lot of nerve!" said Rei Hino. "Really, just coming to a nude beach like it's some kind of movie theater?"
"Zoo," corrected Melvin.
"Umino?" said Ami.
"Heh," said Melvin. "Sup?"
"Unbelievable," said Ami. "I respected you for getting mediocre 95's, but now I've lost all respect."
"Hey," said Melvin. "I said I didn't study that day I got the 95! Stop rubbing it in my face!"
"Now hold up," said Jadeite. "We are just here to suntan. And also enjoy anything that presented itself in front of us. To call us perverts is very wrong."
"Yeah," added Nephrite. "Honestly, we expected to see only guys. So you can't call us perverts."
"I can and I will!" said Ami, getting heated.
"Yeah," said Rei. "It's obvious by your binoculars what your objective was. It doesn't get lower than that, scum!"
Jadeite stashed his binoculars away.
"Now, now," said Kenji. "Don't speak that way to your elders."
"Usagi's father," said Rei. "You especially should be ashamed. You have a family!"
Kenji shrugged. "I'll have 3/4ths of a family when I kill Shingle later."
"That's none of my business," said Rei. "But what you're doing here is! You came to see other people nude, yet you're still wearing shorts! And that nerd Melvin is still wearing a shirt!"
"Yeah," said Ami. "The rules specifically said you can't come with clothes. It's unfair to look at others when you won't reply."
"Wow," said Jadeite. "You really want me to take off my shorts that bad, eh? Well, if you insist."
Jadeite went to get nude.
"I'm gonna stop you right here," said Nephrite.
"No, don't stop him," said Minako.
The other girls turned to her.
"What?" said Minako. "He's good looking. I'm a growing girl."
"Now stop trying to prey on young Jadeite here," said Nephrite. "You're peer-pressuring him to take off his clothes, and frankly I won't allow that. Now I suggest you run along, unless you intend to join us. Which in that case I might allow you to stay. Maybe."
"Unbelievable!" screamed Makoto. "These people have so much nerve!"
"So much nerve!" agreed Rei. "They're hypocrites, and dogs!"
"Hey now," said Jadeite. "No need to call names. I'm just self-conscious is all. But that doesn't mean I should be limited. I should still be allowed to go here like everyone else."
"Yeah!" said Kenji. "This is a free country! I think. I don't really know which European nation this is. I hope it's a democratic one."
"Anyway," said Nephrite. "You four are just as bad. You would not have come to a nude beach and walked along nude unless you wanted people to see."
"No," said Rei. "I'm getting an even suntan this way."
"That's what I said," said Jadeite.
"Hmm," interrupted Melvin. "Then you might want to move your hair to the front. Because your back is not getting the same amount of light."
He leaned in and examined her closely. "Yeah," he said.
He received the backhand.
Suddenly a loud scream came from the distance.
"GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRLLS!" screamed Grandpa, running up in a cloud of smoke.
He slowed to a jog and sped past slowly, like someone rubbernecking an accident.
"Wait a minute, Rei-chan!?" realized Grandpa. "Shoot!"
He broke back into a sprint, and took off down the coast.
"Grandpa!" yelled Rei. "Don't tell me you're here too! What is this, some kind of pervert con?"
"No that's next week," said Melvin. "I'm gonna bring in some of the pictures I got here to put on my stand."
Rei ran off after Grandpa, and the other girls followed her and shook their heads ten times.
That's when Jadeite caught a piece of paper in his hand.
"Call me," it read, from Minako.
Jadeite stashed it in his shorts pocket.
"Will do," he smirked.
"What are you smiling about?" demanded Nephrite.
"Nothing," said Jadeite. "You wouldn't understand."
Kenji let out a sigh of relief after the heated confrontation.
"It's a dangerous game we're playing," he said. "Very dangerous. I've already seen my daughter, what if I run into my son Shingle!? I'll have to kill him!"
"You'd kill him anyway," said Nephrite. "For no reason at all in fact. He seems like a good kid, actually. Might be a little bratty, but he doesn't deserve the shit he gets."
"Shingle sympathist," sneered Kenji, as though that was some sort of insult. "You don't know Shingle like I know Shingle. And you never will in fact because he's not on this Earth anymore."
The sun was on the horizon now, and Jadeite got up and stretched.
"All and all," he said. "We've had some encounters. But other than that it's been a good day."
"No it hasn't," said Nephrite. "I originally expected this to be like looking up at the starry sky, but instead of stars it was girls. But instead it was the same, but with men. The girls were like looking up to see stars but it's too cloudy so you only see one or two."
"Hey, listen," said Jed. "You should be grateful for the girls you've seen. Because at first I thought we'd see zero. And that would have been tragic. Imagine telling someone you went to a nude beach to go sightseeing, and saw only men. They'd think we went there to see men!"
"Well, then I wouldn't phrase it like that," said Nephrite.
"Ye," said Kenji. "Jadeite is right. If we didn't go to this beach today, we'd have seen zero nude women. Anything that we see here is a bonus."
"No," said Nephrite. "If I wanted to see nude women I could just go on the computer. Or even just to a strip club. We should have done that, what were we thinking?"
"Well sadly," said Kenji. "Me and Grandpa are banned from all strip clubs. And Melvin's too young. He's too young to go here in fact, but no one said anything so I guess we're good."
"Hmph," said Nephrite.
Grandpa suddenly returned.
He curled up like a dog after a long day of playing fetch, and laid down.
"All tuckered out now, are you?" asked Jadeite.
"Yes," said Grandpa. "Liking both boys and girls had its benefits today. But unfortunately all the guys here are fat and ugly. So I'm about as disappointed as you all must be, considering the amount of girls I saw. Which was 3."
"Hmm," said Jadeite, getting ready to pack his things.
But that's when suddenly, Melvin let out a howl.
"GIRL!" he yelled.
Everyone spun around.
"MmmmMMM!" said Nephrite. "This one's a good looking one. Not like that first one we saw, who was a solid 6. I'd say this one's a 9."
"Yes," said Jadeite. "That's the notorious Motoki's sister. I don't know her name, but she's a looker. Even Mamoru Chiba blushed when he saw her in the cafe."
"Wait," said Melvin. "When was this?"
"In her debut," said Jadeite.
"Hmm," said Melvin. "I need to rewatch R. But it is the second worst season, followed by S. So I haven't gotten around to watching those."
"Shut up," said Nephrite. "All you talk about is anime and videogames, when there's a nude woman in front of you! It's time to be a man!"
"I take that as a challenge!" yelled Melvin, taking out his binoculars.
Everyone else followed suit, and five pairs of binoculars all turned to Motoki's sister.
She was with a boy, that was the notorious Motoki's sister's boyfriend, the one mentioned on her first appearance, and seen in a photo in the S episode. But it was a blurry photo with a glare in front. He was also mentioned in SuperS.
"WOOWOO!" screamed Kenji like a train.
That's when Motoki's sister suddenly spotted the five matching pairs of binoculars.
"Now why'd you do that, Kenji?" sighed Nephrite, not putting down his binoculars. "Now we're spotted."
Motoki's sister suddenly got embarrassed and covered herself.
"What are you doing, you perverts?!" she screamed.
"Who?" demanded her boyfriend.
"Those guys!" said Motoki's sister. "The ones with the binoculars!"
She pointed directly at them.
"Hmm," said Jadeite not putting down his binoculars. "I think she's talking about us," he sneered.
Motoki's sister's boyfriend marched up, ready for battle.
"You all have a lot of nerve, gawking at my girlfriend!"
"Hey," said Jadeite, leaning to the side with his binoculars and motioning his hand for the man to move. "If we wanted to see a nude guy, we could look anywhere. But right in front of us is a diamond in a sea of pennies. Step out of my view, punk."
That's when Motoki's sister's boyfriend, AKA MSBF, ripped the binoculars out of Jadeite's hand and crumpled them in his fist.
"Hey," said Jadeite. "Those weren't mine."
"Hey!" said Kenji. "Those were mine!"
"Mmmm," said Grandpa. "You're not too bad yourself, young man. Wanna meet Grandpa Jr.?"
MSBF was starting to get heated just by their arrogance. "Stop looking at her with such crazed eyes, like you've never seen a girl before."
"I've seen girls before," said Melvin. "I go to school after all. But non-nude. Except for the ones in my games, but those are 2D Girls. They're called H-games," he added, even though no one asked.
"I'm warning you," said MSBF. "You better knock it off right now."
"Yeah!" said Motoki's sister. "You're worse than Motoki! And that dog has to be held back despite having a fiancee!"
"Now listen here," said Nephrite, standing up. He was a good foot taller than MSBF. "If your little gal pal didn't want to be stared at, then she shouldn't have displayed herself for everyone."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" said MSBF, trying to stand tall.
Jadeite stood up, joining Nephrite. "Let me use my favorite form of figurative language, the simile," said Jadeite. "This is like coming to a party with delicious cookies you made yourself, and laying them on the table with the rest of the food people brought, but then getting angry when someone eats them. Do you see what is happening here? You are getting mad at us, but you're the one to blame. It's like posting a sprite on the internet, and getting mad when someone uses it. But posting it on the internet for everyone to see is just asking for it."
"Hold on," said Melvin. "You had me, but you lost me. Sprites are very challenging to make, and after working very hard people want to show off the results of their labor. Sprite stealing should be punished with the death penalty."
"I'll punish you with the death penalty," snapped Nephrite. "Ganondorf boy."
"What?!" screamed Melvin. "You're the one who stole my Ganondorf?!"
"Yeah," said Nephrite. "I didn't even use it, because I don't see the point in using a Ganondorf so similar to traditional Ganondorf. I just wanted to take it to ruffle your jammies."
Melvin flew at Nephrite like a torpedo, but Nephrite threw a quick punch into Melvin's stomach, knocking the wind out of him.
Unfortunately, with such a wild throw, it was impossible to avoid all hell breaking loose.
MSBF seized the opportunity, and threw a mighty mighty suckerpunch almost as mighty as Motoki himself's.
Jadeite didn't expect a punch to be so mighty from a human, and it landed directly, taking Jadeite for a ride.
He fell in the sand, and Motoki's sister's boyfriend tried to land a piledrive.
But Nephrite got the crazed kid in a full nelson.
"Ah!" he said. "Someone take this nude boy off my hands!"
Nephrite disgustedly released the full nelson, and Grandpa swooped in.
"I've got you now!" he said mischievously.
"No!" screamed Motoki's sister boyfriend. "Don't leave me with this guy!"
Kenji suddenly got bloodlusted and threw punch after punch to MSBF's exposed torso.
Since he had the time to charge, he threw very dramatic and mighty punches, comparable to high knees in running.
Every punch he charged back way higher than was practical, and curved his fist in an unnatural swoop.
"OOOOOF!" yelled MSBF. "OoF! Ooof! Oof! Stop, you're gonna kill me!"
Motoki's sister couldn't take anymore, and threw her full body like a crazy person.
"Hot dog!" yelled Melvin, flying in even though he was just knocked to peril, and leaping in the way of the blow aimed for Jadeite, receiving 100% of the hit.
They fell to the ground, and Melvin wrapped his arms around her, getting her in a lock.
"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" screamed Melvin. "YEES! Touching a girl is even better than seeing a girl!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Motoki's sister. "I have a boyfriend! This is wrong, hey, watch where you're grabbing!"
At this, MSBF was suddenly bloodlusted, and he threw his arms up in the air, breaking out of his full nelson like someone breaking through a steel wall.
He threw a punch into Grandpa's chest, and even though Grandpa was a skilled martial artist, he wasn't able to counter it.
He received the blow, and was tossed back into the sand, sending sand flying in the air.
Kenji got in his battle stance.
"Let's go, young one!" he said. "I'm not afraid to fight a nude boy! One time I jumped Shingle in the bath and drowned him, and another time I threw a toaster in his tub."
"Ridiculous," said Nephrite.
Both men threw punches, but only one landed.
Kenji stumbled back, clenching his stomach.
"Oof!" he said. "You pack a punch!"
He took off his belt he was wearing around his swim trunks, since he obviously had no intentions of taking off his clothes.
"Ah," said Kenji. "This is good training for when Shingle's your age. Not that I'll let him live that long. Have at you, boy!"
He swung his belt like a whip, but MSBF was swift and leapt to the side, dodging it.
Kenji retracted his belt, and swung it again horizontally.
MSBF ducked under it, and suddenly closed the gap, throwing one clean punch into Kenji's stomach, killing him.
"Hey!" yelled Jadeite. "How dare you!"
Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms, and MSBF bowed, taking his final bow.
But before he died, Motoki's sister suddenly threw herself like a projectile, as that was her only fighting move, since any other move from such an untrained combatant would be ineffective.
It landed on Jadeite, as he was exposed, and his balance was thrown off.
He fell into his own sand castle, destroying it, and the lightning flew off into the sky, hitting no one.
Jadeite stood back up furious.
"How could you!?" he said. "You destroyed New Dark Kingdom! You're gonna pay!"
He grabbed Motoki's sister's head and unscrewed it.
"Hoo ha!" he yelled, pounding his chest.
MSBF was suddenly filled with an even larger level of fury. If before he was at a ten, he was now at 100.
He charged fists-a-flying, and Jadeite quickly took the defensive.
"Woah!" he said, dodging punches like dodging hailstones.
He actually had to try his hardest to dodge all the lightning-fast punches, and then retaliated with his own punch.
But MSBF tanked it, and then threw a karate chop, killing Jadeite.
Now Nephrite was starting to get worried, and he was planning a retreat.
But he had no time.
MSBF ran up and threw a cyclone punch.
Nephrite tanked it, but suddenly found himself in a cyclone, in fact a sand cyclone due to the surroundings.
"AHHH!" yelled Nephrite. "A sand devil!"
He got sand in his eyes.
He dropped to the ground, once the tornado took off in the distance.
"Oof," said Nephrite, rubbing his eyes. "This man's getting mightier and mightier with every punch. If he just put some clothes on I could fight him seriously."
Nephrite readied a Starlight Attack, but Melvin who was apparently still alive, sprinted up.
"Don't worry, Maxfield!" he announced. "We'll fight him as a team. Siri!" he yelled. "Transform!"
But Siri didn't respond.
"Huh?" said Melvin.
He quickly started pressing buttons on his phone, but there was no response.
"Come on," said Melvin. "Don't tell me you're still mad about earlier!"
"Move!" yelled Nephrite.
He leapt out of the way, as MSBF threw a sliding punch.
Melvin was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and died.
Nephrite landed on the ground, and unleashed his attack.
But MSBF threw a mighty punch, destroying it.
"It's time to go," said Nephrite, sensing danger.
He leapt in a portal, vanishing.
"Guys!" called Zoisite. "Are we leaving yet? It's time to go," he said. "I need to catch the new OK K.O., as there's literally nothing else on the Earth to watch!"
"I hope this one's not a Dendy episode," said Kunzite. "As those are neither funny nor interesting."
That's when they spotted MSBF, standing over several corpses.
"Mmm," said Zoisite. "I guess the boys' ways caught up to them. Good riddance. Who are you, anyway?"
The man was standing there still panting. "Well," said MSBF. "I'm Motoki's sister's boyfriend."
Zoisite's eyes widened, and he suddenly sprung in the air.
"I heard Motoki, and that's all I needed to hear," said Zoisite.
He threw a beam, but suddenly, MSBF vanished, and appeared behind Zoisite in the air.
Zoisite did a double take, and that was the last action he did.
MSBF unleashed an overhead mallet punch, and only Zoisite's corpse was spiked into the ground.
"HEY!" yelled Kunzite. "What is this?! We didn't do anything! Well, Zoisite did try to kill you, but he didn't know better! It was my fault for not teaching him to be more patient!"
"Let's settle this," said MSBF.
He threw a grandslam, and Kunzite dodged this.
MSBF threw three flybys, and Kunzite had enough and killed him.
"Ridiculous!" he said. "Who is this dead girl here? I can only imagine what crazy events led to this man's bloodlusted fury. But it's over now. We're never going to a nude beach again, as only a hooligan would come here knowingly.
That's when Grandpa came running up.
"Aha!" he said. "Finally, an attractive young man!"
"Grandpa," said Kunzite. "You came here with me."
"Hmm," said Grandpa. "Then just leave me alone with all these dead nude people, and some that aren't nude but will be soon."
"I can't in all good consciousness do that," said Kunzite. "But I hope you learned your lesson about going to a nude beach in your clothes. Surely if you all were nude this tragedy would not have befallen us."
"Hey," said Grandpa. "If you just want me to get nude, say so."
"I do not," said Kunzite. "I'm just saying, in principle, you should have been nude. But please do not get nude."
"Too late," said Grandpa, getting nude.
"AIIYEEEE!" yelled Kunzite, fleeing.
FIN
