"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
That's when a young boy sprinted in.
He couldn't have been older than five.
"Help!" yelped the small one. "My name is Shangle Tsukino. My father keeps abusing my older brother Shingle! I don't know what to do!"
Beryl narrowed her eyes. "How do you people keep finding this place?"
"My father lives here," explained Shangle. "We have a portal in our living room."
"Ah," said Beryl. "So I assume Kenji went through with his bluff, and actually had another son just to name him Shangle. He said the other day he wanted to do that so he could have a kid that wasn't that pest Shingle."
"I don't care what my reason for being born was!" exclaimed Shangle. "My brother is a good boy! He's only rotten on some occasions, most of the time, maybe. But there is good in him! He does not deserve what Kenji does to him!"
Jadeite bent down to talk to the youngster.
"Hello, small one," he said. "Who might you be?"
"I am Shangle!" cried Shangle.
"Hmmm," said Jadeite. "How has Kenji been treating you?"
"Good," said Shangle. "It's my brother I'm worried about! I'm sure Kenji would hit me with his belt either way if he didn't spend all his time beating up Shingle. I need to help him, don't you understand!?"
"Hmmmm," said Jadeite. "I don't know if you're asking the right guy. I don't really like Shingle, or Kenji for that matter. I wish I never heard from him or his family again. Someone needs to go wipe out his bloodline."
"Please, mister," said Shangle. "You're my only hope."
"Hmm," said Beryl. "What will you do, Jadeite?"
Jadeite thought about it. If he helped young Shangle, he wouldn't have to collect energy.
"Alright," said Jadeite. "Just let me gather the troops. Follow me, squirt."
"Thank you! Thank you!" cried Shangle. "Arigato."
"Huh?" said Jadeite. "I don't know Italian."
Jadeite led the smol man to the soda machine, where a good friend resided.
"Nephrite," said Jadeite. "It's time."
"Ah," said Nephrite. "We're taking Shingle on a panty raid this time?"
"No," said Jadeite. "This is not that rat kid Shingle. This is his new brother, Shangle."
"It's Shango actually," said Shangle.
"Quiet," said Jadeite. "Grown-ups are talking."
"Why is so-called Shangle in the Negaverse?" asked Nephrite. "If he came here for a soda from the soda machine, tell him he has another thing coming."
"Why?" said Jadeite. "It's a public soda machine."
"No," said Nephrite, shaking his head solemnly. "I bought this plot of land from Beryl, and thus the soda machine is my property."
"Hey!" said Jadeite. "Part of my house is in this Negaplot!"
"Tough luck," said Nephrite. "I guess it's my house now."
"Fine," said Jadeite. "It's just a dark space anyway. I guess I'll move my sleeping bag 20 ft over."
"Wise decision," said Nephrite. "I shoot people who turn up on my land."
"Sir," said Shangle. "I do not mean to intrude, but might me and my brother Shingle move into your large mansion? You have not used it, and it will keep me and my bro safe from that monster Kenji."
"Sorry," said Nephrite. "That's my mansion. I'm keeping it in reserves in case I ever want to move back to Earth. But I don't see why I would, with this soda machine here."
"Why don't you just move the soda machine?" asked Jadeite.
"You just don't get it," said Nephrite. "There's no thrill in using a soda machine in your own house. That's like having an arcade machine in your house that you put a coin in. It doesn't mean anything; you might as well get your game from the Wii shop channel."
"Hmmm," said Shangle. "I remember for my last birthday Kenji bought me a Switch."
"That's not so bad," said Jadeite.
"Yeah," said Shangle. "Until he started beating Shingle with it, and setting the parental controls on way too extreme of a level. Honestly, what monster would allow for parental controls on the Switch? Cruel Kenji set the timer so I can only play one second a day. And there's a bit of lag, so I can't even load a game during the one second."
"You poor boy," said Nephrite. "I will do what I can to get rid of that Kenji."
"Thank you good man," said Shangle.
"Unfortunately," said Nephrite. "We cannot take down Kenji without all our forces. So we're going to have to get help from people I don't like."
The Shitennou walked into the break room.
Zoisite and Kunzite were on the Gamecube, doing a 1v1 on Melee.
They were both playing as Pichu, and were at 600% health but unable to launch each other due to Pichu's lack of abilities.
"You know," said Kunzite. "This is like a paradox. Pichu is unable to launch people, but he gets launched very easily. When two Pichus buck horns, only chaos ensues. It's like the saying goes, when an unstoppable force hits an unmovable wall."
"Why?" said Nephrite. "Why are you playing as Pichu?"
"Huh?" said Zoisite. "When'd you get here?"
That's when Kunzite got a lucky grab, and threw Zoisite's Pichu off the edge like a football, the only way a Pichu can knock someone off.
"NooooOOooOOo!" said Zoisite. "Nephrite, you fool! We were playing that match for three hours! Only a couple hits landed, and most of the damage was from recoil. Oh, what were they thinking when they were quote unquote 'balancing' the characters!? He's a weaker Pikachu, and every single attack damages him!"
"Now's not the time to consider the fallacies of Melee," said Jadeite. "We have a problem on our hands. And its name is Shangle."
"Shingle?" asked Zoisite.
"No," said Jadeite. "Shangle. It is Shingle's younger brother."
While the Shitennou were discussing their situation, Shangle got a hold of the Gamecube controller.
His eyes widened like a man seeing snow for the first time.
"Wow," said Shangle. "This is amazing!"
"You're just on the character selection screen," said Kunzite.
"Wow," said Shangle. "And you can play this any time you want? I'm only allowed to play videogames on weekends."
"Kenji has gone too far," said Kunzite, balling his fist. "Depriving a young boy of enjoyment. I will not stand for it."
"He also deprived me of food," said Shangle. "I haven't eaten in four days."
Jadeite opened up the box of Oreos that someone kindly left in the Negabreak room, and handed Shangle one.
"Here you go, small guy," said Jadeite.
Shangle gobbled it down in one bite, like a man who's never eaten food before.
"AIIIIYEEEEEE!" yelled Shangle in ecstasy. "You boys are saints. True heroes for a poor sap like me. Now if only my brother Shingle could try food one day."
"How has he not starved by now?" asked Jed.
"He has," said Shangle. "But Kenji keeps bringing him back from the Otherworld, just to kill him."
"Alright, that settles it," said Jadeite. "It's time to go on a raid."
"Alright," said Kunzite. "I guess I'll go get Kenji. Wait a second… that won't work. We must raid without Kenji. I know it's strange and unfamiliar, but it's what we have to do. Think back to the days before Kenji. It will be like then."
"I don't remember those days," said Jadeite.
"You don't want to," warned Kunzite.
"Okay, so what's the plan?" asked Nephrite, wearing an indigo wig and an apron.
"Perfect!" said Shangle. "You look like my mother, Ikuko! She is a great woman."
"No she's not," said Jadeite. "She allows this abuse to continue."
"She has no choice," said Shangle. "If she doesn't comply she'll get the belt."
"Wow," said Nephrite. "Kenji's keeping his whole family in lockdown. They must all be living in constant fear. We need to put an end to this now."
The rest of the Shitennou put on their Ikuko costumes, and entered the forbidden residence.
Shangle waited outside, biting his nails in anticipation.
"Kenji, dear, we're home!" called Jadeite.
"Wait," said Kunzite. "This was a good idea on paper, but what's that evil man Kenji going to think when he sees four Ikukos? And if Ikuko is home, that would make five."
"Shoot, you're right," said Zoisite. "Let's get new costumes and come back."
They left the house.
"How'd it go?" said Shangle. "That was quick. Is Kenji vanquished?"
"Not yet," said Jadeite. "We need to regroup. Stay here, boy."
In the three minutes the Shitennou were gone, Kenji's car pulled up.
Shingle was tied to the roof of the car.
"Let me down!" howled Shingle. "Shangle, help me!"
"I can't," said Shangle. "I'm no match for Papa in terms of combat strength."
Kenji got out of the car with toast in his mouth.
He put Shingle in his briefcase, and then walked up to the quivering Shangle.
"Papa!" cried Shangle. "You're home, hooray!"
Kenji threw a quick punch into Shangle's stomach.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" yelled Shangle in pain, dropping to the ground.
Kenji went inside without saying a word.
"Time to kill Shingle!" he announced once he had made it in the house.
The Shitennou returned, and Shangle was dead.
"Oh no!" cried Jadeite. "We were too late! Kenji must have arrived!"
The Shitennou retreated, bringing the battered corpse of Shangle to Queen Metalia.
"Pls," said Kunzite.
"Okay," said Metalia. "For such a weak being, it won't take much energy."
Shangle was revived.
"Ouch," he said. "That one punch brought me to the otherworld. Now I know how Shingle feels."
"Stay here," said Kunzite. "We can't risk another confrontation with the Kenjster."
"Right," said Shangle.
The Shitennou teleported away.
"So," said Shangle to Metalia. "How's uh… it doing today?"
"Shut up, brat," said Metalia. "You're a ratkid just like your brother."
Shangle's self-defense instinct suddenly kicked in. "Who you callin' a ratkid, you freakish blob?" he challenged.
Then he covered his mouth. "Oop!" he cried. "That must have been the similarity in me and Shingle's DNA! I'm sorry!"
"Okay," said Metalia. "But don't slip up again."
The Shitennou were back at Kenji's house, and they put on their costumes.
They entered the house.
Nephrite was dressed as Ikuko still, and Jadeite was dressed as Shingle if he had a growth spurt. Zoisite had the disguise of young Usagi Tsukino, the rarely seen sister of Shingle and Shangle, and Kunzite had no choice but to come as none other than Kenji himself.
"Why don't you wait outside?" Nephrite told Kunzite. "And that goes for you too, Jadeite. Either of you will be found out in an instant."
"Hey," said Zoisite. "I think you should go wait outside. You don't even look like Ikuko. Too muscular."
"Well you're too feminine to look like Usagi Tsukino," said Nephrite.
"No?" said Zoisite. "I'll have you know, I once posed as Sailor Moon, who looks kind of similar to Usagi Tsukino in the right light."
"I don't see it," said Kunzite.
They all just decided to go in as a pack.
"Stick together," said Jadeite. "We're in the danger zone now."
They entered the living room.
"Nice place," said Zoisite. "I don't know why Kenji spends so much time in the Negaverse, when he has this place. A home. With walls, and lighting. Even a TV."
"Kenji's a mystery," said Nephrite.
They walked through the kitchen, and Kenji was sitting there reading the newspaper.
The Shitennou tried to slip by, but then Kenji spoke up.
"Ikuko?" he said, not taking his eyes off the newspaper.
The Shitennou froze.
Nephrite had no choice but to put on a girl's voice. "Yes," he said in a male's voice.
"Ikuko," said Kenji. "Where is my toast?"
"It's coming," said Zoisite.
"Ah, thank you, Usagi," said Kenji.
The Shitennou left.
Kenji waited patiently.
"Phew, we made it," said Jadeite. "I thought we were done for, but luckily Kenji's eyes are glued to the morning news, even in the middle of the night."
They all headed upstairs.
"MY TOAST!" screamed Kenji. "I should have heard the fresh pop of a toaster at this exact second."
"Alright, bringing it over!" lied Nephrite.
They continued upstairs.
That's when Shingle came out of his room, and spotted none other than a freakshow.
Shingle narrowed his eyes. "What is this?" he said. "Are we getting robbed?"
"No," said Kunzite. "Now watch it, or I'll hit you with my belt."
"You're not Kenji," said Shingle. "If you were, I would have been struck by now."
"Alright," said Jadeite. "You got me. We were sent by your brother Shangle to save you."
"Are you supposed to be me?" demanded Shingo.
"Ye," said Jadeite. "If you were able to live long enough to grow to be a full man. Not that Kenji would ever allow that."
"You're right," said Shingle. "I have been befallen by a tragic fate. Are you really saving me?"
"Yes," said Jadeite. "But not yet. Where's your mom? We have business with her."
"I hope you kill her," said Shingle. "She is a beast for letting this continue as long as it did."
"Now run along," said Zoisite. "You're drawing attention."
"Right," said Shingle. "Do what needs to be done."
Shingle retreated back into his room, and locked the door three times.
Jadeite shook his head. "Kenji can plow through that door in 2 seconds. One if he's bloodlusted, which he might be if he doesn't get his toast soon."
"Someone should go get him some toast," said Zoisite.
The Shitennou looked at him.
"What?" said Zoisite. "I think Ikuko would do it, as Ikuko being here is pointless since she would recognize the imposter right away."
"Sorry," said Nephrite. "My hands are tied."
Kunzite frowned. "You did make the point that Kenji needs to be delivered toast."
"What is this?" said Zoisite. "I'll give the jackass his toast."
Zoisite went downstairs and grabbed a piece of bread, cooking it in his palm.
He served it to Kenji with butter.
"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "My daughter."
"Ye," said Zoisite.
Kenji narrowed his eyes, and raised his reading glasses above his face.
"Are you really Usagi?" he said.
"Ye," said Zoisite.
"Alright," said Kenji, dropping suspicions. "Stay away from that Mamoru man. And also, if you see your brother, tell him that when the clock strikes 9 o'clock, it will be his last breath."
"Will do," said Zoisite, fleeing.
But he was stopped by the door.
"Wait," said Kenji.
Zoisite slowly turned around.
Kenji had taken a bite of his toast.
"What is this?" he said. "Who made this? Was it Ikuko?"
"I think so," said Zoisite. "It was just in the toaster when I came in."
Kenji narrowed his eyes. "I'll have to have a chat with Ikuko then. Because she knows that I need the toaster set to exactly 5.72, whereas this tastes like it was cooked on some kind of stove. Even charred, almost."
"Yikes," said Zoisite. "I'll send mom down then."
Zoisite escaped with his life.
He met back up with the other Shitennou.
"How'd it go?" he said.
"We haven't raided her room yet," said Nephrite. "We were all frozen in place when we heard Kenji address you. Kunzite even started writing his funeral speech."
Kunzite put away his notepad. "Alright," he said. "Let's go."
They entered Ikuko's room.
"Ah!" she said. "Kenji and the kids! I'm glad you spared the kids' lives today, Kenji. We did spend quite a bit of time raising them, it would be a shame to lose them after so much time."
Then she spotted Nephrite.
"Yo," said Nephrite. "I am Ikuko."
That's when Ikuko suddenly realized something was off.
That was not her family. Shingle was way too grown, and it was clear everyone else was just a stranger in a costume.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" shrieked Ikuko.
"Silence her!" yelled Kunzite, as they all charged at her.
"What's going on up there!?" called Kenji. "Do I need to bring my belt?"
"It's just a spider!" yelled Nephrite, as Ikuko continued to scream.
Ikuko reached under her pillow and pulled out her frying pan, swinging it in all directions.
The Shitennou took a step back, but that's when from behind, Jadeite got Ikuko by the neck, and covered her mouth.
"OOOOOOOOHH!" she yelled in a muffled scream.
"Throw punches to her exposed torso," explained Jadeite.
"What is this?!" mumbled Ikuko. "Are you a pack of burglars?"
"You could say that," said Kunzite.
They threw Ikuko in a sack and left.
Kenji stormed up, and saw the window open, but no Ikuko.
He narrowed his eyes. "What is this?" he said. "SHIIIIINGLE!"
But that's when he spotted a note. It was in Negaverse language, specifically Zoisite's handwriting.
"Hmm," said Kenji. "Good thing that as a citizen of the Negaverse, I can read this."
He read the note.
"No!" he said. "How could they?! That rotten Shangle! I knew I should have killed him when he was born! Right after I named him Shangle, as that's all I needed him for!"
Kenji threw his fist through the brick wall, destroying it.
The Shitennou sat around the abandoned jazz bar.
"Alright," said Zoisite. "What's the plan?"
They had Ikuko tied up against the wall.
"Plan?" said Nephrite.
"Yes!" said Zoisite. "Kenji is a superb soldier! We can't just take him in combat; otherwise we would have done that when he was off guard, reading his newspaper!"
"Yikes," said Kunzite. "I thought you had the plan, since you're a strategist."
"What?!" said Zoisite. "I thought by the fact that you weren't asking me for a plan, that you had one!"
"Us?" said Jadeite.
"Yes," said Zoisite.
"Well," said Nephrite. "We have Ikuko tied here. So we can do some kind of hostage plan."
"Well that much I think has been established," said Zoisite.
"Whatever we do," said Kunzite. "We can't fight Kenji. We need to lay some sort of trap for when he tries to grab Ikuko."
"We have plenty of time," said Zoisite. "We didn't even leave an address. How about we put a tank of lava above the room, and then drop it when he steps under it?"
"No, no," said Kunzite. "Lava won't kill that terrible beast. Let's lay some kind of toast beartrap."
"Ah, that might just work!" said Zoisite.
"But wait," said Jadeite. "Everyone knows Kenji's never picked up toast with his hands. He'll just use his belt to grasp it, like Indiana Jones."
"Hmmm," said Nephrite.
An hour passed.
"Yes," said Nephrite. "And then, the sharks will get him!"
"Alright," said Kunzite. "I think we finally got a plan."
That's when they sensed Kenji's presence outside.
"No!" yelled Kunzite. "We had so much time to set up a trap! But instead we have nothing! We're doomed!"
"That's fine," said Jadeite. "I came up with a plan while we were thinking of plans."
"Why didn't you tell us?" said Zoisite.
"I was thinking of it," said Jadeite. "Laying out the details and whatnot."
"Okay," said Kunzite hesitantly. "Are you sure you have a foolproof plan, Jadeite? Because we could just cut our losses now and let him get Ikuko. Or maybe even grab her very quickly and jump in a portal."
"I don't know about that," said Zoisite. "If we don't get rid of Kenji here, he'll show up in the Negaverse and come after us in a killing spree. And also, Shangle will perish."
"Who's Shangle?" asked Jadeite.
That's when they heard footsteps, and all turned in horror.
Kenji casually walked down the steps.
"Mmm," he said, neither pleased nor displeased.
The Shitennou got in their battle stances.
"Kenji-sama!" yelled Ikuko.
That's when Jadeite sprung into action. "Die, traitor!" he yelled, shooting lightning.
But Kenji leapt high in the air despite the roof being somewhat close to the ground.
Zoisite shot petals straight for the mighty man, causing him to become grounded.
Jadeite fired lightning again, creating an explosion.
"Have I wounded him?" asked Jadeite.
"You fools!" yelled Kunzite. "What happened to Jadeite's plan?"
"I think that was Jadeite's plan," said Nephrite.
"Then why did we even need Ikuko?" said Zoisite. "We could have just brought in like a dummy or something. Or again, just fought him while he was reading the paper."
Suddenly a belt came flying out of the smoke, and grabbed Jadeite by the arms like a bull grabbed by the horns.
He was suddenly yanked into the smoke cloud, and when the smoke cleared Jadeite was dead.
"You fiend!" yelled Kunzite. He shot his glowing thing out of his palms that he used in episode 44.
But Kenji put up both his arms, bracing himself.
He tanked the hit, followed by Nephrite's scattershot he threw at him.
"No way," said Zoisite in horror. "We truly are no match."
The smoke cleared again, and Kenji threw several slices of toast like ninja stars.
The Shitennou scattered, but Nephrite sadly wasn't quick enough on his feet, and was sliced to pieces in a yeasty demise.
"AHHH! Kunzite!" cried Zoisite. "We're done for!"
"I know," said Kunzite solemnly.
Zoisite readied a crystal from behind, and no one stopped him so he threw it.
But Kenji leapt out of the way, and then swung his belt, snatching the crystal with his leathery strap.
He cracked his belt, sending the crystal flying for Zoisite.
But Kunzite ran up and threw a kick, destroying it.
"Hoo ha!" said Kunzite, having some final jollies before his death.
He ran up and threw a mightypunch, socking Kenji, but Kenji retaliated with his own punch, into Kunzite's stomach no less.
"AIIIYEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Kunzite in agony. "How come sometimes you are only as strong as a regular human, and struggle to beat a teenager in a 1v1, often getting stuck in a standstill? But today, you're-"
But Kenji wouldn't have any of it. He leapt in the air and threw a kick.
But before Kunzite was flung, he wrapped his belt around Kunzite's arms, keeping him within his grasp.
He threw punch after punch, and Kunzite was imprisoned by the mighty belt.
"OwwoOOOooooOO!" yelled Kunzite.
Zoisite ran up and tried to help, but Kenji threw a backhand, completely shattering Zoisite's bones and ego equally.
Kenji threw punch after punch, and blow after blow, until Kunzite was finally no more.
Then he released the belt on his arms, as he was no longer a threat since he was, as previously stated, no more.
Zoisite spawned a crystal, like he was ready to fight.
However, he suddenly made a sharp U-turn, and flew up and killed Ikuko in a final revenge.
"Haha!" said Zoisite.
That's when Zoisite found his neck entangled in a belt, like that time Ninjago fought Sailor Moon.
Zoisite tried to pry his neck free but it was no use.
Right when Zoisite was about to leave the world finally, suddenly the grip was released.
"Phew," said Zoisite, coughing.
That's when Kenji threw his body, killing Zoisite.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Shangle, flinging himself out from behind the stairs.
He threw himself backfirst for Kenji's legs, to try to trip him up, but Kenji was no amateur, and leapt over him like a Donkey Kong barrel.
Shangle rolled across the ground and suffered lots of recoil.
That's when Kenji ran up and threw a kick like a punter, and Shangle was sent flying and exploded in midair like a firework due to the force.
Shingle was next to bat, and ran up and threw a barrage of punches.
"CHA CHA CHA CAH CHA CAH ACH!" yelled Shingle, unleashing 50 punches a second like a man achieving the highest form of fighting abilities.
Kenji put up his arms like a streetfighter, blocking all the punches.
"Oh no," said Kenji sadly. "Now, I'll have to kill Shingle!"
After 250 consecutive punches, there was an opening due to Shingle wavering in endurance, and Kenji eagerly took the opening like a hamster waiting for water to come out of a drip, or someone graciously taking a free sample in a mall food court.
Kenji closed the gap in a second, and threw a punch across Shingle's chops, and then an uppercut like a streetfighter.
Shingle was sent flying back, but somehow survived due to Kenji holding back significantly.
Shingle slowly got to his feet.
He was covered in bruises, but was gonna keep fighting.
He increased his speed stat to the max, and started zipping around Kenji at top speeds.
Kenji crossed his arms like a cocky boy, and made no effort to attack the small boy.
Suddenly Shingle came in from behind with a mighty punch, one with maximum wind-back.
He came flying in from Kenji's blind spot, but Kenji had his eyes closed and sensed the killing intent.
He spun around, and threw a knee into Shingle's stomach, destroying him finally and forever.
"Hmm," said Kenji, examining his kill count. "If the coppers showed up right now, they would get the wrong impression that I killed all these people. Whereas Ikuko died to Zoisite's hand."
That's when suddenly Luna came sprinting in like a feral cat, and for a second Kenji thought she was one.
She came flying right for Kenji's neck, but Kenji sidestepped and she zipped past him.
However, Luna was an amazing fighter, and landed on her feet like that fight against that Droido with the banana.
"What is this?" said Kenji. "Has the world gone mad?"
"No," said Luna, speaking in front of the weathered man since she knew she had already taken her final bow by showing up. "You have to pay for your sins of killing your two sons, and clearly your wife Ikuko."
"No," explained Kenij. "I did not do that. She died to unavoidable events."
But his tone suggested some kind of sarcasm, like this was all a big game.
This angered Luna.
"Also," she said. "I sensed Negavibes on you, ever since I met you in episode 2."
"Boo hoo," said Kenji. "I am a commander of the Dark Kingdom after all."
That's when Luna had enough, and threw herself right for Kenji backfirst.
Kenji smirked.
But suddenly Luna pulled a tricky maneuver, and did a flip, landing on her feet.
She charged right for under Kenji's leg to try to get him from behind, but she miscalculated when suddenly Kenji snapped his legs shut on her neck like an elevator door on hyperspeed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHH! LUUUUNA!" yelled Artemis. But he valued his life and retreated.
Kenji picked up Luna by the neck, and was unsure if she was still living.
Just to make sure, he threw 1 million punches to her exposed torso.
He disposed of her in the trashcan, like discarded garbo.
"Does anyone else want to challenge me?!" yelled Kenji to the world.
Motoki was at the door, but knowing that Kenji was now on guard, he took his hand off the knob and left.
"Those fools before me ruined it," said Motoki. "If I was first, I probably could have pulled a win."
"I knew I shouldn't have had the Shangles," said Kenji, referring to both his sons like they were some kind of regular noun and not a proper one. "Big mistake."
