Alright, like I promised, here is another chapter. This one is a bit... sad. Enjoy!
A few months after arranging everything in the hay loft, I was gaining strength and everything was going smoothly. Adjusting to Amity life was a difficult change, but with Lily, Mary, and Jeff helping me, the shift was easier. That was until I looked at the date.
One year ago, today, Amar died. My stomach twists in knots as I walk to the kitchen. There, no red or yellow dressed people were in sight. I go to a cabinet to find what any Dauntless looks for: alcohol. As gross as it is, alcohol is the only thing that can make me forget about the pain in my heart. Well, long enough to knock me out, anyway.
I grab two bottles from the three bottles left with a shrug and start drinking one as I walk towards the house I have all to myself. Lily's family was staying with another family. They knew they had to give me some time when I woke up crying every month on the same day. It is as if my body has a calendar, and every month on that dreadful day, it reminds me of what I lost. Six months was terrible. Four visited, but it didn't help. If anything, he made it worse. I cried into his shoulder and he mourned with me. Told me that Max and Eric were never the same after I left. I didn't care.
Now, it was worse and he hasn't visited since.
Half a bottle later, I spot a dirt-covered man peering into my window.
"Leave," I spit. "I want to be left alone."
The man turns his attention to me and my stomach drops. Amar? No. Amar is dead. The alcohol is already messing with my head.
The man walks up to me and takes the bottle from my hand and leads me inside the house, after getting my key. I'm so taken by his resemblance to Amar that I don't notice him take off his coat or the other bottle from my hand.
"Go shower." He whispers in my ear. "I'm Jim."
I shake my head. "Give me the bottle, Jim."
The man snaps, "Why? So you can drink yourself to oblivion? I don't think so."
I stomp to the bar in the small house and grab the bottle. The glass is cool against my hand, contrasting the burning liquid that was going down my throat. I wait for the dizziness to come to me head, when images of Amar, Max, and Eric flood my mind. I drink more. Jim will not tell me what to do, nor will he stop me from stopping these images going through my mind.
Amar's lips. Eric's lips. Max's lips. Four's lips. All having their own heat and presure. I'm disguated with myself. Falling for my instructor. Then playing on my friend's (and enemy's) emotions. I whine and chug more.
Suddenly the bottle is ripped away from me. Liquid falls onto the counter. Swallowing the rest of what was in my mouth I shout, "Amar! I wouldn't be drinking if you didn't leave!" I gasp as I look at the factionless man in my house. He may look like Amar, but he isn't him. I know that. I drop to the ground in tears as he rushes to my side. "Why?" I cry in agony, "Why did you leave me? Amar?!"
Jim gathers my body in his arms and carries me to my room. The thin sheets and small mattress that is tucked away in a smaller room at the corner of the house takes me in its arms. Without question, I get under the sheets and cry into my pillow.
He stands there, awkwardly. I look up at him and all my mind says that it's Amar. Me amo. My love. My Amar. I shake my head. I reach up to him, like a child. When he takes my hand, I pull him down to the bed. He falls towards me, but catches his body just above mine.
I look into the brown eyes of this man, whose body is alined with mine. He gasps while he looks into my eyes. My drunken mind plays a trick on me when he gasps. He is so much like Amar. Our lips meet. Jim and Amar could be twins, my brain says through the mush. All my body wants is this man, who is standing in for Amar.
We keep kissing until we need to breathe. Jim turns red as he scrambles off of me. I bite my lower lip. He even kisses like Amar.
Jim gets a waste basket, then places it beside my bed. "Uh, sorry. Um, see you."
Then he's gone. My body drags me into unconsciousness.
Some time later that night, I wake up in someone's arms.
This dream again, I think with disgust. The reoccurring dream that I am lying in Amar's arms. He lets me sleep, but he is rubbing my back, like a lover would do.
I roll over into his arms. His natural smell making my stomach flip. He tilts my chin up, his white teeth shining in the dimly lit room.
"I was wondering when you were gonna wake up." He chuckles.
I sigh and push my head into his rumbling chest. "I'm not awake. I told you that last time you were here. But I don't care." I pull our bodies together. "I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too." Amar tilts my head up again. "I've missed this the most."
Our lips connect and I melt. I remember his kiss, but I forgot the passion and the fire he put behind it. He pulls me against him as I climb ontop of his body.
"I don't care if this is a dream," I whisper against his beautiful lips, "I've missed you so much. Please, never leave me again."
Amar runs a hand down my body. "I wish I could stay, " His other had cups my face, "but you have to wake up soon."
My heart clenches in my chest. I kiss his lips again. He's right. Him and his chocolate skin that is so warm against my pale skin is right. I lay my head on his chest, and I fall asleep in ny dream, listening to the sound of his all too real heartbeat.
I know...I'm terrible... Sorry. Still love yall. Hope yoy love me! Next chapter will have a time jump. Mainly cause I don't know how to fill the space. Anyway, til next time.
