A DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This author has no financial or non-financial relation nor do they possess any right to "Inuyasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale" franchise. Full ownership of all characters is the sole intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Lemonish Lime Warning. Also again I suck ass at Songfic integration.

Request Line

PrismaticOrb


"Hello listeners! I'm your host kstewdeux. Our next request is from PrismaticOrb. Your song request for how Inuyasha would feel after waiting three years for Kagome to the tune of 'Stirb nicht vor mir' by Rammenstein is up next."

The night opens her lap

The child's name is loneliness

It is cold and motionless

"You are confident you can handle the next exorcism on your own?" Miroku asked skeptically and InuYasha rolled his eyes.

"The village knows who I am. That's why they keep us on retainer so yeah, I can handle it," he scoffed as he adjusted his hold on the large crate balanced atop his shoulder, "I can do it alone."

"Oh, well alright then," Miroku hummed as he slapped his friend on the shoulder, "After you return, you'll join us for dinner then?"

"Sure," InuYasha agreed with an indifferent shrug, "S'not like I have anything better to do."

"Excellent."

As the hanyou watched the monk rush home to his wife, the indifference in his face slowly faded until a slightly hurt, sad look haunted his amber eyes.

"Of course I can do it in my own," he sighed as he turned and headed back towards his hut, "I do everything alone."

Pushing aside the almost pristine mat covering his door, InuYasha set down the crate carefully as he stretched his arms above his head. His home was slightly larger than the others. Set on the outskirts of the village on the edge nearest the well. He'd built it himself and had taken care to include some of the elements of Kagome's era in the details. There was a living area with a small kitchen nook. Pots and pans that had never been used hung alongside small cabinets he'd built and installed. Taking care to mimic the ones in her home as closely as he could. Two bedrooms had been included with a hinged door rather than the traditional sliding one. The futon he occasionally slept in was slightly suspended on a frame much like the one in her bedroom. There was flooring - actual wood flooring he'd painstakingly laid down himself. In time, she'd return and he had wanted to ease her inevitable homesickness as much as possible. In the meantime, though, it was hell.

All those details he'd included those first months she disappeared mocked him now. Winter was coming soon. The second winter since she'd been stolen from him. He sighed despondently as he pried the lid off the crate he'd just brought home and stared down at the contents.

Somehow the monk had convinced the surrounding villages to put them both on retainer in the event of attack. Sometimes if they were spread too thin Sango or Kohaku would assist but mainly it was them. They'd fought off bandits, demons and the occasional poltergeist. The villagers paid them in biannual installments with an additional barrel of rice each month. In Inuyasha's opinion it was a scam but there hadn't been a complaint yet and they were always busy.

This crate represented his payment. The monk usually took the bulk of the profit. Not that InuYasha minded. Miroku had two newborns and a wife at home. He had no one.

There was the usual dried meat and herbs. A few tools for sharpening his sword, which while thoughtful was not even remotely useful. A sewing kit he also didn't need. Carefully unpacking, he tried to put things away in their proper place one by one. He was civilized now after all. Well, sorta. Domesticated was probably the right word. He kept his home in good order and clean. Slowly but surely, the crate was emptied until one small package was left.

Picking it up, his brow knitted together at the feel of it. Why would the monk have given him cloth? He didn't need it. Rolling his eyes, he pulled the twine holding it together before his amused smirk fell.

A kimono. A woman's kimono. Obviously crafted with one woman in mind. The skirt was a deep emerald green. The top portion while with emerald accents on the sleeve and neckline. Scarlet embroidered flowers gently trailed across the left shoulder where they came to a point. The sash that came with it emerald as well adorned with small white arrows. Whichever village had crafted it had made it with obvious affection.

Letting out a slow, controlled exhale, a strangled smile marred by the clear attempt to hold back tears grew on his face until it looked taut and painful. His hands trembling slightly as they continued to hold up the well crafted garment. It was flawless. Down to the very last detail. It wasn't made of silk or anything fancy although he knew the dye couldn't've been cheap. It was made for everyday wear. Sturdy yet beautiful. Just like Kagome had been.

Sighing shakily, he quickly folded it back up before taking the garment into his arms and crossing to his bedroom. This too needed to be put away. Maybe the next time they had a free day he'd air out the others. They'd get musty if they sat too long. This wasn't the first gift he'd received that had been made with Kagome in mind although it was by far the most painful to receive. She had touched so many lives. It only made sense they were grateful.

Opening the wardrobe, he took one of the small wooden hangers he crafted and gently placed the garment in its place before setting it next to the others. Gently taking the sleeve of the latest addition between his thumb and forefinger, he caressed the fabric for a moment before sniffing, shaking his head and closing the door.

I don't know what your name is

But I know that you exist

I know that sometime

someone will love me

"InuYasha-sama!" a gaggle of children screamed happily as they rushed him the minute he entered the village and he smiled despite himself. It was a nice change to have random people actually be happy to see him instead of screaming and running away in fear. The adults too called out their greetings as several mothers rushed forward muttering apologies as the children tried to climb up his pant leg.

"I don't mind," he laughed softly as one of the stronger children crawled up his back and honestly, he didn't. Which was shocking actually. No one had ever really touched him before Kagome came into his life and he missed the constant contact. The child's mother didn't seem to believe him as she pried her son off and placed him firmly on her hip.

"My apologies," she murmured exasperatedly as the tiny boy tried to struggle out of her hold and InuYasha leaned down slightly to give him a chiding, half-hearted glare. Eyes widening, the boy stopped struggling instantly looking quite contrite before hiding his face into his mother's shoulder.

"Yeah that's what I thought," he teased playfully and the little boy buried his face with a soft giggle.

"You do so well with the children," the woman hummed, "You just wait until you have little ones of your own. I would be honored to watch them anytime you wish. Buddha knows you have watched Eiji and the others more than enough times. I am sure I am not the only one willing to return the favor."

The woman cringed as she saw his face fall before he forced a smile back on his face.

"She'll come back, InuYasha-sama," the woman comforted softly, "I am certain of it. The journey to the continent is long after all and it is far too dangerous to travel during the winter season. Perhaps she will return by next spring, hn?"

Ah yes, the continent. An explanation concocted by the monk himself. It explained Kagome's prolonged absence and usually there were no follow up questions asked. InuYasha forced a smile on his face and nodded once. Muttering a soft farewell as he headed towards the headman's home.

It was weird to be accepted like this. To have people trust him, a half-breed, with their children. Nearly every exorcism, he lingered behind to entertain the children with his various attacks. Mostly out of boredom to be honest and to practice for his friend's new arrivals. The first children born of human parents who would ever be able to say they had a demon for an uncle. At first it had been difficult not to growl or snap at the little brats but he'd gotten better. It had gotten easier as he gained experience in dealing with the tiny things.

"You'll stay after right?" one of the children called out and he glanced over his shoulder and nodded.

It also hurt to be accepted like this because nothing like this would ever have happened if Kagome hadn't come into his life.

He comes to me every night

No words are left to say

With his hands around my neck

I close my eyes and pass away

Leaning against the wooden wall, Inuyasha slowly slid down onto the floor. New babies were exhausting. For so many reasons. He'd tried to take pity on his friends. Holding the babies in turn so Sango and Miroku could have a moment to themselves. Even if just for a few minutes. Every noise startled them and their high pitched screams had seriously damaged his hearing. But the annoying ring in his ears would fade by morning. He hoped.

It served the monk right they were girls. For wrinkly puffy little things, they were still rather pretty. In time, he imagined Miroku would be a very paranoid father.

Pulling one leg up against his chest, Inuyasha lazily used it to prop up his arm as he in turn used that to rest his chin. His home was so quiet. The space he'd created somehow suffocating. Truth be told, it was far too much for one person but that had been the point. It hadn't been meant for just one person.

Maybe he'd invite Shippo to live with him rather than have the kit stay with Kaede and Rin. At least then there'd be someone else here. He had never thought of himself as a people person but ever since the quest for jewel shards had been completed he felt lost on his own. He needed to be around other people. Craved it like water.

Sighing heavily, he shook his head to clear those depressing thoughts from his mind. He just needed to sleep was all. That's why he felt like this. He was just tired.

Gracefully getting to his feet, he crossed the distance to his bedroom door. Taking off his top as he went. It was hot sleeping in all this. Especially since he was still using Kagome's sleeping bag as his blanket. It smelled like her even after all this time. Muted, of course, and nearly gone but still...it smelled like her a little. Kagome would probably laugh knowing he was sleeping like a 'normal person' nowadays. No more sleeping upright in a corner or up in tree branches. There was something to be said about sleeping in a bed.

Especially when that bed smelled like her.

I don't know who he is

In my dreams he does exist

His passion is a kiss

And I can not resist

Another winter came and went. Another spring too. Yet another crate. Inuyasha's lips twitched upwards as he saw the tiny doodles on the lid. The children had placed them there for him. Not the monk. Not the slayer. Him. The half-breed.

Who apparently looked like a blob with very long legs and little balls for knees. And a tail? Or was that supposed to be his hair?

And what was that one supposed to be? He snorted softly as he examined each terrible, terrible rendition of various things before humming in surprise when one of children had managed to write their name. That was actually kinda impressive. Or one of the older children decided they wanted to join in the little ones' fun. Part of the deal with the retainer, after all, was that Miroku did lessons once a month. Most adults in the area weren't able to read, much less write. Not that InuYasha would ever admit it but Miroku wasn't the best at it himself. Better than most but still not great. Formal education the monk may have had but there had been some perks to growing up in a palace. He knew from personal experience he could read circles around the pretentious bastard.

Maybe he'd find a way to incorporate the drawings in the house somehow. Kagome would like that. She had saved nearly all of Shippo's drawings. Had them in a little box in her bedroom. An idea occurred to him as he saw a bundle of beeswax candles. All he'd need is some dye and then...

He sighed shakily as he dashed the thought from his mind. No, he needed to save them for when she came back. He might be able to see at night without a light to guide his way but Kagome couldn't. And she'd come back. She had to.

He didn't know what he'd do if she didn't.

I wait here

Don't die before I do

I wait here

Don't die before I do

It was so different to sleep beside someone rather than sleep alone. Her body molded perfectly against his where she was always meant to be. He wanted to protest when she rolled away from him but then she leaned in and kissed him. At first he was slow in his response, and then he was pulling apart the pale white cloth to free her breasts. Cupping one in his palm as a sense of urgency entered into each meeting of their lips.

"InuYasha," she breathed and something inside him snapped. In an instant, they were kissing each other and holding each other and rolling on and off each other, slowly then vigorously. Moving purposefully, into and against each other, but nothing seemed to be happening. Nothing was giving way. But he was close. He was so...

Gasping loudly, InuYasha sat bolt upright in bed. Lost between dreams and reality as he glanced around for the woman that had been in his arms only moments ago before realization hit him hard. She wasn't there. She had never been there. It has been a dream. It was only a dream.

Clamping his hand across his mouth, he had to fight back the desire to scream. It had felt so real. A lump formed in his throat as he clenched his eyes tightly shut and bit his lip so hard it bled. His entire body trembling from the effort of holding back tears.

It wasn't real.

I don't know who you are

I know that you exist

Don't die

Sometimes love seems so far

I wait here

Your love I can't dismiss

I wait here

"You go," InuYasha laughed as the monk eagerly turned and damn near sprinted towards his hut where his newborn child awaited him. A part of InuYasha was happy for his friend while the rest of him felt broken, bitter and lost. Summer had arrived yet again. It would only be a few more months until the fourth winter without her.

He'd gotten more lax about keeping up his hut. He couldn't remember the last time he swept the floor although the dust covering everything suggested it had been too long. While he was still trying the well every three days, it was more a part of a now deeply entrenched routine. Any hope it might actually work having curled up and died.

Several of the villagers too had seemed to realize that the half-demon who played with the children, helped with the harvest and protected them all was, in fact, quite available. Miroku had been approached by several families to inquire as to whether InuYasha would be willing to accept one of their daughters as his wife. Thankfully the monk had enough respect to not say yes immediately even when the dowry promised had been quite substantial but that didn't make it feel any better when the monk tried to convince him to accept. Even after all these years, there was the hope that Kagome might come back although that hope dwindled with each winter. Would to really be that bad to start to move on? To try to be happy and find love again?

Yes. Yes it would. If Kagome never came back, InuYasha resolved himself to his fate. There would never be a woman who could even begin to replace what she had been to him. He had enough honor left in him to know it wouldn't be fair to enter into a relationship with someone when you had nothing to offer.

And he had nothing left to give.

His heart felt hollow and numb. Missing even. A dull ache filling the hole where it should have been. Most of the time he could ignore it and act like everything was okay but late at night, when he lay in his lonely little hut all by himself, it ate him away piece by piece.

Swallowing thickly, he sorted the various methods of payment into two piles. His being rather modest by comparison. He didn't need much. It was only him. It would always only be him.

Picking up the monks bundle, he quickly deposited it outside his friends home before heading back to collect his things. He probably needed to clean up. The twins would undoubtedly be there after all while their mother recovered. Wrinkling his nose, he tried to remember if he'd saved the toys he had received in one of the first installments. Back when the various villages assumed Kagome was still in his life and making the giant leap that children were surely on the way. They'd been cute little things. A set of carved wooden men and women that would have made excellent playthings. A rattle.

A little perfect rattle for the baby that would never be.

The blood in his veins grew cold and his steps suddenly felt heavy. His throat growing tight as he swallowed repeatedly. Closing his eyes, he let out a shaky breath to calm himself before carrying on.

Sniffing once, he tried to remember where he hid them and ignored his broken heart. Probably in the much neglected wardrobe he thought numbly. Eaten away like the clothes that hadn't seen the light of day in almost a year. It was too hard to look at them. To open that door. He had moved it to the second room so he wouldn't have to see it anymore.

One less thing to keep him up at night.

Clearing his swollen throat, he squared his shoulders and ignored the hollow feeling in his gut. He should probably air everything out and clean up a little.

Just in case.

All the houses are covered in snow

And candle light in the windows

They lie there together

And I

I only wait for you

Summer was almost over and every remaining member of their group had dark circles under their eyes. If they'd thought the twins were a handful, they had been sorely mistaken. This new addition screamed constantly. At the same time. Every single day. Three times a day. But not at nice, easy times. Oh no. Once right before dawn. Once in the afternoon. Once right around the time everyone should be asleep. The poor thing would scream and scream and scream for what seemed like hours. Then, for good measure, wake up every two hours in between just to fuck with them all. Everyone was tired. Everyone was miserable.

But damn it all if the little shit wasn't cute when he wasn't screaming like someone was trying to murder him.

Inuyasha had been watching the twins a few nights every week to give his friends some reprieve and the little ones a night to sleep uninterrupted. Not that it helped him any. His instincts were going absolutely haywire all the time. Each tiny scream triggering his reflexes to protect his pack. His instincts didn't give a shit that no one was actually in danger. They didn't care. His instincts gave exactly zero fucks and so, despite not having to deal with a screaming baby directly, he was still dealing with a screaming baby.

His lips twitched upwards as a strange thought crossed his mind. Maybe the well wanted to teach him a lesson about not starting a family too soon. He had never really been around newborns before. Maybe this was the final lesson he needed to learn before he was officially good enough for Kagome.

His face fell as the thought vanished as quickly as it came. It was a nice thought. One he couldn't afford. Not any longer. Not if he wanted to pretend he was fine.

He sighed sadly before flinching when the twins were suddenly on him and tugging painfully on his ears. That was their new game. Tug on the ears and cause pain. Not that he showed how much it hurt him, mind you, but damn it hurt. And he was too tired to trust himself not to growl at them. It was a point of pride that he'd never growled or snapped at the brats. He wouldn't start now just because he hadn't had a nap and these little shits were...

FUCK THAT HURT!

"Sango? Can you do something about the twins?" InuYasha hissed angrily as the control he usually had over his emotions began cracking dangerously.

"Girls leave him alone," Sango sighed tiredly as she continued hanging her laundry, "Sorry InuYasha. I know..."

Whatever the slayer began rambling about went completely unnoticed as his nose twitched once. Then twice and Shippo suddenly found himself the twins new prey.

I wait here

Don't die before I do

I wait here

Don't die before I do

Winter came yet again but this time it was different. The hut that once felt so suffocating was now his favorite place in the world. It finally felt like a home.

Kagome shifted in her sleep with a soft tired hum as InuYasha's amber eyes continued their task of memorizing every detail of her face like he had done every night since she arrived.

It felt like an eternity since that first day. When he'd finally gotten her all to himself, he had kissed her, gently, then with building pressure he couldn't control because he hadn't kissed her in so long. Hadn't held her in so long. Hadn't seen her in so long.

Inuyasha moaned softly at the memory of that day before maneuvering himself so he lay flush against her. It didn't matter that he'd woken her up in the process. That was exactly what he wanted.

I don't know who you are

I know that you exist

Don't die

Sometimes love seems so far

I wait here

Kagome laughed as InuYasha threw his sword to the ground and stalked towards her. In an instant, clawed hands pinned her wrists against the wall as he urgently captured her lips. Sometimes it was so overwhelming. The need for her. He had seen her that morning but it might as well have been another three years. She felt herself being lifted. Her feet no longer touching the floor. Strong calloused hands sliding down her arms to stroke her all over as his breath came out in shaky pants against her lips. His strength increasing, his desire increasing, his pulse increasing as trembling fingers worked to free her from her confines and his.

Yes. It was overwhelming. His need for her. Almost as overwhelming as her need for him.

Your love I can't dismiss