I hope that everyone has had a good day/night, so far. So, I sat down and reread all of my story and I am so surprised to see how much my writing has changed since I stopped and started again. Now that I can see why yall are asking when Amar is coming back, I'm going to hopefully write some longer chapters like I did in the past and speed the story up a bit, without making it confusing. That, and I am typing on my computer, instead of my phone like I have been in the past few chapters. Alright, enough chit chat, enjoy the story!
WARNING:
This chapter will be a tad graphic physically. (Sex)
Once I am running again, I start to forget where I am. I run around the pit, not bothering to care if the handrails are there or not, which in some places there aren't any rails at all. Still, I keep running around the edges of the Pit to the top of the glass ceiling. I push open the heavy door to be hit with cold night air. When I am outside again, I smile again and keep running.
I run side-by-side with the train that is about to arrive for a few minutes before I jump up and pull myself inside the cart. I roll onto the dust train floor and lay on it, looking up at the ceiling. My breaths come heavily, waiting to become a natural rhythm again.
"Nice dress," I hear a man say.
Freezing, I push myself up onto my forearms. I know that voice, but he's dead. But I know that voice.
"Amar?" I whisper into the shadows. I try not to make my voice sound hopeful, but it doesn't work. Amar is dead. I know that. I saw his body. I read his death note. Still, that voice sounds so much like him.
Laughter fills my ears. Not howling laughter, but a soft chuckle that is loud on the train. "Abby, have you been drinking again?" Out of the shadows, a figure steps out. "It's me; Jim.
I try not to let myself disappointed, but it doesn't work. I'm still upset. My heart still breaks when I realize that it isn't him. I push myself off the ground, then walk to where Jim is. This is the first time I've seen what he looks like without my mind being in too much of a blur from alcohol. In the moonlight, I notice how he is wearing a white undershirt, an unbuttoned Erudite shirt. and a baggy Abnegation gray jacket. Look further down, I notice his Dauntless sweatpants that look a few sizes too big for him.
"Hey," Jim says coming over to me, "why the long face?"
Jim plops down beside me. I look up at him and notice how his dirt-covered features resemble Amar a little too much. I shrink away from him and use my arms to cover my face, not wanting to look at his handsome face. I don't think my heart can take looking at him for very long.
I feel hands on my arms. "Hey," Jim whines, hurt in his voice, evident, "d-don't be like that. I- I thought we were friends."
I look up at him, my blue eyes shining with the tears that about threatening to fall. "We are." I whisper. "Y-You just remind me so much of…" I swallow over the lump in my throat.
"Him." Jim cuts me off.
I nod. "Jim, I know that you're not him, but you look so so so much alike. Honestly, it's almost painful to look at."
Jim pulls away from me with a nod. He looks as if he is about to say something, but changes his mind. Before he moves away fully, he reaches out and takes the necklace that I am wearing, that Amar gave me, the one I never take off, and my left hand. Putting them together, he studies them. He asks, "You really loved him, didn't you?"
I nod again. I reach out touch the side of his face with my right hand. He closes his eyes, seeming to learn into my touch. "I did. Jim, I love and miss him so much." Gently, I wipe his face with my thumb, a small smile finding its way onto my face. . "You know, if I got a hot rag and wiped your face, you would look just like him."
Jim opens his eyes. I notice his brown eyes shining in the moonlight. So much of Amar in one body. How is that even possible? Without thinking, I pull him into me, our lips touching. The same fire I felt with Amar. I whimper and push myself against him. Jim gasps as we kiss, but he doesn't allow it to be long, before he pushes me away.
"Abby," he whispers.
The speeding train blares its horn, when I open my eyes. "Jim"
Jim puts his head down. "I don't want to be the stand-in for someone you lost, but at the same time…" He pulls me in to kiss me again, "I have never felt anything like I have when I am with you."
I place our foreheads together. "I feel the same."
Before we both know it, I'm in his lap, kissing his dirty face, but the dirt doesn't bother me. Not breaking contact with each other, he pulls his coat off. Leaning away for a moment, he wipes his face of some of the dirt, while I push the blue shirt off his body. The jacket and the shirt fall behind him. Jim's dark hands make contact with my bare back. A gasp escapes me when I feel the fire of his touch.
Gently, he pushes my body off of him, but moves his face so it's near my neck. "I really, really hate to ask this," Jim sheepishly whispers against my ear, "but think you would rather go someone a little more, uh….. private?"
I feel my face grow warm. "S-Sure."
Standing up, Jim gathers his clothes, then lends me a hand. Graciously, I accept his hand and stand up with him. His strong arms can breathe now, being able to be in the open. I try not to chuckle at my thought.
Jumping at the same time, we jump when we get near the Amity faction. Before we get near the fence, I feel his warm hand slips inside my dress, gently rubbing where needle when into me a little over a year ago. Taking his hand, I look him in the eye. Both us start running, hand in hand.
Both of us spot a barn before the main fields of Amity start. Jim pulls me into it, pinning me against the wall. One kiss becomes two. Two become three. Three become a heated makeout session. Soon enough, both of us are on the floor, pulling off clothing that should stay on.
We roll in each other's arms, tangled in one another. Both of us push and pull our bodies, our fire that is burning between us building like a furnace. I realize that this is the first time I have ever had…. This. For my first time, something makes me glad that it was Jim. At the same time, I wish it was Amar. Not this…. What would he be? A substitute? A "stand-in", like he said?
Jim looks down at me, as if questioning if I really want this. Nodding my head, a moan of pure pleasure escapes my lips as he brings his weight down ontop of me. The two of us roll around on our clothes for a few more minutes before we separate from each other.
"Well," Jim gasps, "that was…. Something."
I roll over on my side, using his blue shirt to cover the top part of my body. My body is still breathless from running and from having intercourse with him. "You're telling me."
Jim rolls over to me, making his chocolate-covered shoulders seem flawless in the small amount of light coming through the window of the barn. There isn't much light, but there is enough that I can see his face and his body.
"Abby?'
"Hmm?"
Jim sighs, "Do you-" He drops his head. "Do you sometimes wish I wasn't too much like Amar?"
I reach out to him and lightly grab his hand. "Sometimes, yes. Sometimes no."
He looks up at my face, looking into my eyes. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," I use my other hand to trace the tendons in his hand, "you are so much like him that sometimes, yeah, I wish you would just become him. But, at the same time, I know that you're not him and he's gone. I just have to accept that fact, like I have been trying to do for the past year or so."
Jim nods at what I said. "Okay." Laying back down, he asks with hopeful eyes, "Stay with me for tonight? I'll have to go by the morning, but I would like to have you here."
His request makes my heart do a summersault. "Of course."
After he adjusts, I snuggle beside him. Listening to the sound of his breathing, my heavy eyelids close and I drift to sleep.
*TWO MONTHS LATER* (A year and seven months after her initiation, five months before Tris's Choosing Day)
Clinging to the toilet, I puke up what was left of my breakfast. I groan as I flush the toilet and stand up. Everyday after breakfast, for the past week, I have been in the yellow bathroom barfing my guts out. Groaning again, rinse my mouth with water. When will this end?
Mary pops her head in the room. "You're pregnant, Abby."
I glare at her. "No, I'm not. I just have a stomach bug. It will pass."
"Oh, it'll pass. In nine months!" Mary laughs.
I push past her, into the hallway. Gently, I place a hand on my stomach. If there is a child growing inside of me, I should be ready. My mind starts going through a list of baby supplies: diaper bag, diapers, diaper wipes, baby powder, a crib, a blanket, pass fires, etc. I lean against the doorway of the house, this is going to a be a lot.
But how did this even happen? I only have sex once!
I sigh as continue to walk the streets of Amity. My mind begins to do the calculations of when the baby should arrive…. Seven months from now? That's next year! I'll be back at Dauntless by then.
Well, I could stay here…. No. I have to go back home. I have to.
Going to my room, sit down at Lilly's play desk and begin writing a letter to my dear friend, Four. Hopefully, he won't mind playing Dad for a little while.
Alright, next chapter will have a bigger time jump. All I am doing is speeding up the timeline. If you need something explained, feel free to PM me! Also, please let me know how yall like my story. You know I like feedback. Love yall!
