Author's Note: Hello, everyone… It's been a while, hasn't it? I actually started this chapter a while ago. January 14th according to my notebook. I had it two-thirds of the way finished that night. I was writing for a good four to five hours. I got distracted at a rather… sensitive scene… and it took a lot of effort to start back at that point. But here it is! :D I apologize if the ending seems rushed.
I already have the next three chapters outlined on a piece of paper (and in my Google Docs). They're relatively short so they should be coming out sooner. They're fillers, but plot moving fillers. Be prepared for a lot of strong emotions.
Agnes lay awake in her bed. She stared up at the ceiling. She was debating whether or not she would attend Dumbledore's idea of a Christmas celebration. She weighed the pros and cons multiple times in her head. Dumbledore insisted that she go. Did she want to disappoint the Headmaster? Severus might be there. If Dumbledore was forcing her to attend, he was most likely going to force Severus as well. But on the other hand… everyone else would be there, too. Agnes wasn't emotionally prepared to have a good ol' time with her colleagues. And the students! All of the students that were staying over the Christmas Holiday were given permission to go to Hogsmeade.
There were going to be so many people. Agnes would be perfectly content lounging about and spending Christmas to herself. She didn't need the company of other people. Nonetheless, Dumbledore expected her to participate. Agnes sighed as she came to the realization that she really didn't have a choice. Agnes turned over on her side and attempted to force herself to sleep.
Agnes stared at the tavern. Everyone else was already inside. What little activity she could see through the window told the socially anxious professor that the "fun" had just started. Agnes was more than a few minutes late. She had to combat her demons and convince herself to keep her word to the Headmaster. Taking in a breath, Agnes struck up the courage to walk through the door of The Three Broomsticks.
A bell rang as the hinged wooden slab gave Agnes entrance into the establishment. What greeted Agnes skyrocketed her anxiety. The other professors snapped their attention to Agnes. They soaked in her black dress, her styled hair, and chrome diopside earring and necklace set. And… was that makeup that she was wearing?
Agnes shifted uncomfortably. She scuffed the toe of her right boot against her left calf. The expressions on their faces read shock more than anything else. They didn't expect her to show! Agnes didn't know whether to be smug by proving them wrong or hurt that they thought she wouldn't attend.
After what seemed like an eternity (but was only a few seconds), McGonagall approached Agnes with open arms. "Agnes, dear! So good of you to come. I told you to have faith in her, Flitwick!"
Ignoring the hurtful confirmation that she wasn't expected, Agnes caught herself staring at the hideous Christmas themed hat McGonagall was wearing. It was red… with white fluff at the base of the body. What was the purpose of that belt around it? Was it to hold the velvet in place? Maybe it was due to her solitary Christmases, but what McGonagall was wearing was the ugliest hat Agnes had ever seen.
McGonagall didn't seem to notice Agnes's staring as she escorted Agnes to the other professors. "Uh… hi." Agnes feigned a smile and waved with her fingertips.
"Glad you made it!" Dumbledore's voice boomed from the corner table. "Do have some fun. It's Christmas!"
"Uh… Yes, Headmaster." Agnes's eyes were glued to the other professors' hats in horror. They weren't the same that McGonagall had, but they were similar. They had the same white fluff and belt with the red base color.
The biggest difference was the peculiar white pom pom. Agnes shook off her shock.
A staff member passed where Agnes stood and served drinks to Dumbledore's table.
What I really need now is a double shot of Crown… 'till I don't remember…
Agnes sighed.
She seated herself at the tavern bar and ordered a double shot of Crown Royal. She wished she was back at Hogwarts in her bed. The bartend slid a double shot flask in Agnes's direction. She took the glass and downed the beverage within. She stared off into the distance. The sting burned and sunk down her esophagus. Her stomach boiled as the disgusting alcohol touched the acid.
Ugh… I hate liquor…
"Bartend - double fire whiskey."
Agnes felt body heat emanating from her left. Her arm supported the weight of her thumb pressed against her forehead as she turned to face the voice. She identified the form in her peripheral to be Severus Snape.
"By Merlin's beard… Am I glad you aren't wearing one of those ridiculous hats."
Severus didn't bother turning in her direction. "I'm offended you would entertain the notion that I would."
"They're the ugliest things I've ever seen." Agnes closed her eyes and downed another two shots.
"They're based on the apparel of a fat old man that sneaks into houses and delivers toys to children."
Agnes choked on the saliva the alcohol coaxed her oral glands to produce. Her throat burned from the non fatal poison's remnants. "Sneaks into houses? And they're making clothing inspired by this criminal?"
"He's revered as an unofficial saint. Just another ludicrousy the muggles seemingly worship."
"Huh… and we're the abominations."
"Indeed." Severus shot back a glass of his own poison. "I'm assuming you weren't given a choice of refusing either?"
Agnes gave Severus a look of confusion. Her brain was still marveling that a breaking and entering feind who bribed the affections of children was accepted. Severus rotated his hand by his wrist to signal to their surroundings. His lips were tight with bemusement. "Right," Agnes said as she deciphered his meaning. "Yes. I was."
"As I had expected, that makes two of us. This is by far the most ridiculous idea Dumbledore has ever concocted." Severus swished the fire whiskey on the rocks he had ordered with his fingers encasing the rim.
"Agreed." Agnes slumped her shoulders back. "I'm going until they cut me off." Agnes motioned to the Crown Royal before her. "I want to get lost in this noise and these lights… I don't want to be here at all."
"Maybe I'll join you in this ambition." Severus paused to take another shot and chased it with a sigh. "In fact, I think I will."
"Good on you." Agnes raised her glass to him before downing its contents.
"Blackwood," A voice called from the congregated professors. Minerva managed to swim her way through the chattering crowd. "We are trying this group activity the moogles call kah-ray-oh-kay. Come join us! You sing with the words of songs showing you what to say before your very eyes. You must try it, dah-ling!"
"Somebody can't hold their liquor," Severus sneered in a whisper.
Agnes shook her head at the spectacle before her. She sighed, "I don't really have a choice, have I?" Agnes stood to join the rest of the Hogwarts staff without waiting for Snape's answer.
When she reached the group, Agnes was greeted with the atrocious singing of an under the influence Flitwick.
McGonagall isn't the only one who can't hold their liquor…
Thankfully, it appeared that the song was coming to an end. "Agnes, you're up next," Dumbledore announced.
"Oh, well, I… I can't!"
"Do it, Agnes! You must."
"Yes, dear," McGonagall followed Dumbledore's words. "You can do it."
Agnes closed her eyes and shook her head in defeat. "If I must…"
Time passed as Agnes racked her brain for any song to come to mind. A song with the least amount of embarrassment as possible to sing. Her options were limited. It seemed that she had no choice but to embarrass herself. She flicked her wand in the direction of the instruments Flitwick had been "using." Agnes silently casted the spell McGonagall had verbally instructed while she was trying to think. The idle instruments came to life with a slow and steady melody.
Agnes focused on the instrumental opening to listen for her singing cue. She listened to the calming bars pass through the air. Agnes caught a glimpse of Severus peeking over the crowd. She inhaled to try to keep both her voice and nerves steady.
There's no turning back now, Agnes…
Turn down the lights;
turn down the bed.
Turn down these voices
inside my head.
Lay down with me;
tell me no lies.
Just hold me close;
don't patronize me.
Don't patronize me.
'Cuz I can't make you love me
if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't.
Here in the dark
In these final hours,
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power,
But you won't.
No, you won't.
'Cuz I can't make you love me
if you don't.
I'll close my eyes
then I won't see
the love you don't feel
when you're holding me.
Morning will come
and I'll do what's right;
Just give me till then
to give up this fight.
And I will give up this fight.
'Cuz I can't make you love me
if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't.
Here in the dark
In these final hours,
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power;
But you won't.
No, you won't.
'Cuz I can't make you love me
if you don't.
The instruments finished the song's instrumental outro. The other professors whooped their encouragement as the last note pierced the atmosphere. Some of the students who had stopped to listen joined in the professors' cheering. Agnes's voice was average, but it was better than Flitwick's last performance. Not bothering to bow, Agnes hurried back to her seat at the bar. She grabbed an empty rocks glass and filled it to the brim with Crown Royal. She chugged the liquid kerosene in hopes of forgetting this awful ordeal.
Severus hadn't even bothered to acknowledge her return. They sat in an uncomfortable silence. Each party shooting up their respected drinks.
"You're joining me in the drinking, but will you also join me in talking?"
"Perhaps," Severus replied.
"I'll just have to accept what I get, I supposed…"
His guard is up again… Square one.
Two hours pass by. More drinking than talking had happened. Both persons had flushed faces, but neither have said much to one another.
"I'm going outside. To get a bit of fresh air, yeah?"
Severus slid out of his seat to come to a stand. "I suppose the gentleman thing to do would be to join you."
"Ha! You - a gentleman."
"I'm going to ignore your comment."
Outside, the brisk wind tossed Agnes's hair about in a wild manner. "Rather chilly, isn't it?" Agnes commented to make small talk.
"Mm… yes, I'm aware."
"Oh, are you? Leave it to me to state the obvious." Agnes rested her head against Severus's chest. Severus made no act of protest. He kept his hands buried in his robe pockets to shield them against the cold.
"Must be the alcohol," Snape muttered.
A group of students exited The Three Broomsticks. They complained of their professors' yowling as they passed. They were clustered together to form a protective body heat barrier against the wind.
"That's a strapping hat that boy is wearing." Agnes said aloud to herself.
"You look rather strapping yourself tonight."
"What?"
"Hm?" Severus looked down at her with a blank stare.
"Did… Did you say something?" Agnes thought her ears had deceived her.
"Not a word." Severus sniffed against the cold.
"Well… Let's go inside. I don't enjoy being cold."
Severus kicked the door shut behind him. He locked the door with a spell before pushing her down onto the bed underneath him. Their lips were locked in a passionate kiss as he pinned her hands above her head. They broke their lip contact long enough to take turns removing articles of each other's clothing. She wrapped her legs around Severus's waist.
The moonlight illuminated the scene in silver as the rays cascaded through the sheer drapery. Clouds wisped over the glowing orb and casted shadows onto the earth as sighs and groans filled the private room.
A brighter light pierced through the sorry excuse for curtains. Birds sang their songs while perched on the rooftops all around Hogsmeade. A figure stirred then immediately bolted upright to a stand. The bed rocked and startled the remaining lump of blankets. Agnes looked up to see Severus scrambling to lift up his trousers. Confused, Agnes looked down to her own body. Upon seeing her bare breasts, Agnes wrapped the blanket about her torso.
The atmosphere quickly filled with awkward tension and embarrassment. They both knew the other was awake, but neither said a word. Agnes stared at the lamp that was on the dresser across the room. She felt her face flush. The silence was unbearable.
"Severus...?"
He paused - his shoulders squared, but there was no response. Severus returned to buttoning his white undershirt and looked straight ahead.
Agnes tried again. "Severus?"
This time there was no pause. There were still no words. Absolutely no sign that he heard her. But Agnes knew that he did.
"Severus!"
He bent down briefly to pick up his belt from the floor. Still, there was only silence. Agnes could feel the tears building, but she refused to let them betray her. She bit her lip as she clutched the bedsheets on either side of her.
"Sev-" her voice cracked. "Dammit Snape, say something - anything! You yelling your hatred of me is better than this!" The tears flowed freely down her face.
"Ha… Hatred?" His voice seemed to come from much farther away than he was. With him finally speaking, Agnes perked up her head to look at him.
"Yes," she said. "Hatred."
"Hmm… yet you love me…?" He seemed to speak in a hushed tone.
"Yes…" Agnes replied with a hoarse whisper.
His hands were busying themselves with fastening the buttons of his cloak when he turned his head. His body had moved only enough to get her attention. His hair framed his face as he looked over his shoulder. Severus saw Agnes's tear stained skin from the corner of his eye.
"Blackwood, I-I'm sorry. As you're well aware, I've been in your shoes. I still am. So you must already know…" Severus watched her face fall. He watched her gaze drop to the bed clothes.
"You must already know… that I don't return your feelings."
He watched her shoulders jump as her frame was overcome with nonvocal sobs.
"Last night…"
His core panged with an unfamiliar feeling. Severus ignored it and forced his words to come forth.
"Last night we both had too much to drink. I admit that I had misjudged you based on rumors and… your occupation. I see that, but I do not feel the same about you as you do I. And this is where I must take my leave. I'm… I'm sorry."
Severus's top cloak billowed behind him as he rushed through the threshold.
Agnes cringed as the door closed with a crack. The crinkle in the sheet within her sight blackened to nothingness. Agnes had thought she was experiencing numbness… until the sobs wracked her body.
Why am I cursed?
Her eyes found the brand on the skin of her inner forearm. Her left forearm.
Agnes's right hand covered the insulting blemish. The reminder of the things both her and her family had done.
Agnes wrapped the blanket tightly around her torso and lost herself to her sobbing.
The human tracks from the night before remained. Fresh snowfall hadn't covered them. Severus splashed through the slippery, muddy streets of Hogsmeade.
I could just apparate to the front gate, Severus thought to himself.
But he never did. The thought was washed out of his mind with a flood of internal words and memories. He couldn't muster the energy to even put forth the effort.
Severus had left the limits of Hogsmeade when he noticed his palm was to his chest. His core hurt and had a foreign tightening sensation. Foreign, yet familiar. He had felt this way with Lily - but yet he hadn't. What… was this… emotion? Pain yes, but what kind of pain was this? He had never had this specific emotion with Lily.
Lily...
He did indeed have this feeling with Lily. Severus's body walked on autopilot as his mind wandered. Lightning flashed before his eyes.
It was a rainless thunderstorm that night. The wind was blowing and the humidity was high. He was crouched on his knees as he cradled and rocked her lifeless body. Strands of her signature red hair clung the moisture on his cheeks. The remorse and agony that he endured… His heart felt as if it had been crushed under someone's boot.
A chilling wind pulled Severus back to the present. He now recognized this mysterious sensation. Guilt; pity - empathy. Severus knew exactly where Agnes has been - and where she still currently is. And there was absolutely nothing Severus could do about Agnes's situation.
What a cruel, ironic world…
Author's Note: The song that Agnes sang was I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt. And yes there are references to the song Bartender by Lady Antebellum. I tend to have a habit of listening to the radio when I'm writing and when I'm drafting up outlines. If you haven't noticed already the majority of my chapters are based, or inspired by, songs.
Tell me what you guys think of the story so far! :D
~ DJ-Kyoto
