Chapter 2
"Hah, Frat Party. More like FART party am I right?"
*New Orleans, late afternoon*
The yellow taxi car stopped in front of a grand Greek revival mansion located in the heart of the New Orleans Garden District. The combination of columns, moss, and wrought iron looked really picturesque.
The young witches emerged from the back of the car, followed by Myrtle and one of her bodyguards, who pulled out the girls' luggage from the trunk and set it on the sidewalk, while the girls took in the imposing yet beautiful house. A hand-carved wooden sign, showing the marks of age and weather, swayed spookily. It read: "Miss Robichaux's Academy For Exceptional Young Ladies." Myrtle pressed the buzzer button on the gate.
BUZZ, CLICK! The wrought iron gate unlocked, drawing the girls' look to it. Bella turned around to pick up her suitcase and noticed that the old hag had disappeared into thin air with her bodyguards including the car.
The girls hefted their suitcases, and pushed through the gate. Upon entering the backyard they noticed benches under the trees with hanging moss. The house seemed to rise up before them as they approached the porch. Zoe looked up at one of the second-floor windows and saw a short Down Syndrome girl observing them from behind the curtains. She was about to point this out, but Bella interrupted, "Let's hurry, I need to take a dump."
They walked up to the door. "Should we knock?" asked Zoe, but the door opened ajar on its own. ''Creepy…'' she whispered.
Bella was deep in thought, trying to figure out how many bathrooms a house like this would have and where they would be located. Some strange gut feeling told her there was a bathroom on the ground floor and multiple upstairs. She pushed the door open, entering into an elegant foyer with black and white parquet floors and a circular staircase that lead to the second floor. She confidently headed towards a door where her gut feeling was guiding her, leaving Zoe alone at the entrance.
Zoe nervously stepped inside the house and walked down the hallway. ''Hello?'' she shouted. Her words were met by unnerving silence. Suddenly she heard the sound of hushed voices whispering together. She started moving forward, trying to find from which room or corridor the voices were coming from. She heard stifled laughter. Then the thumping of feet on wood floors. She caught some movement from her peripheral vision. A door slammed shut and she whirled around. She noticed a cloaked figure disappearing behind a corner. The girl panicked and turned around to make a break back for the front door but a large masked figure appeared in front of her, blocking her path. She turned around again to run in the opposite direction but was met by another two masked figures, one of whom was holding a knife.
Meanwhile, Bella found herself in a nice white tiled bathroom with flowers, candles, a freestanding bathtub, a sink, and most importantly a warm toilet seat. She was just getting to the crux of the matter when she heard Zoe scream. She panicked and tried to press the poo out hastily. She wasn't convinced she was finished, but she decided to wipe her ass anyway. Unfortunately, there were no wet wipes available so she tried to wipe quickly with regular toilet paper but the friction made her scrape her butt and the paper became bloody. And it still wasn't clean!
''Damn it! Haven't these people heard of bidets!?'' growled Bella angrily.
Zoe screamed again.
''Shit!'' cursed Bella and frantically ran to the bathtub and shot water up her bum with the showerhead to clean her ass and then quickly wiped the water that trickled down from her butt with some toilet paper and threw it into the toilet.
Zoe screamed for the third time.
''Aghh, what the hell!'' shouted Bella and rushed out of the bathroom without flushing the toilet.
In the meantime, one of the three masked figures pulled a burlap hood down over Zoe's head. She fought like hell and screamed, but they had her. They dragged her into a room and forced her down onto a table.
''Secure the sacrifice!'' yelled a girl's voice. The hood was pulled off Zoe's head. She looked around the candlelit room. The two beefy masked figures pinned her to the table harder. The third figure loomed over her with a butcher knife. From their stature and obvious cleavage, the attackers all appeared to be women.
''O dark father, we offer this flesh up to you, blood, life and all!'' chanted the Knife Girl and was about to plunge the knife downward when Zoe yelled ''Get the hell off me!''
The candles super-ignited and the cloaked girls freaked and jumped back. Every candle turned to a puddle of wax.
The Knife Girl pulled off her mask ''Jesus! Relax, Sabrina! We were just messing with you.''
''Holy shit... are you..?'' stuttered Zoe.
''Yes. Madison Montgomery. Movie star...''
One of the beefy girls dropped her mask, revealing an African American girl. ''Movie star? Shit. When's the last time you made a movie, girl?''
''When's the last time you said no to a pork chop?'' snapped Madison sarcastically.
''Bitch, only reason you're still famous is because you keep flashing that crotch on TMZ, '' retaliated the black girl.
Then the last mask came off, exposing the face of the Down's Syndrome woman she saw in the window earlier. ''We're not really going to kill you. I'm Nan. Hi.''
''Zoe.''
''Queenie.'' mumbled the black girl, still visibly irked.
''So bored now... Wait, didn't you say there were two Nan, or were you just making shit up again?'' asked Madison.
''Uh well actually, she wasn't making shit up,'' walked Bella through the doorway, fuming ''It was me who was taking a huge one though. And I would have finished if I wasn't distracted by yo whiny ass!'' looked Bella at Zoe menacingly and shook her fist at her.
"Ew!" said Queenie and Madison before Zoe could explain the situation to Bella. Nan just snickered but then stared at Bella with wide eyes and mouth agape.
"Nan did you take your medication?" asked Queenie.
A side door opened and a pretty blonde woman in her mid-thirties walked into the room. ''Enough, girls,'' she said in a serious tone.
''I'm Cordelia Foxx. Head Mistress, '' she added and looked around the room. ''All right. There's a van full of groceries in the driveway that needs unloading. I'll show Zoe and Bella to their room, then we meet for MidDay Gathering. Let's go!''
Queenie pulled the gaping Down Syndrome girl away by her arm.
Cordelia led the two girls upstairs. A creepy lurch-like butler, Spalding, carried their bags. The woman told the girls about the history of the house from 1790 when Miss Robichaux's Academy For Exceptional Young Ladies was established as a premier girls' finishing school and how it fell into the hands of the coven after the civil war when Marianne Wharton, the prominent supreme in 1868 purchased the facility, retaining the name as a cover, establishing a safe haven where young witches could gather to learn.
Cordelia showed the girls to their room. It was immaculate, delicate, sunny, had big closets, and a tiled bathroom that was a smaller version of the one downstairs. She told the girls to rest for a bit and then come down for the gathering. Zoe decided to get changed and lie down for a bit. Bella went to the bathroom again to finish what she started before.
At the midday gathering, Cordelia explained how the number of witches has dwindled over the years because families with the bloodline made a conscious effort to avoid reproducing. She explained the concept of a supreme and that she is just a normal witch, who will help them identify their gifts and teach them how to control them. She warned the girls about the dangers of being a witch and the tragic story of Misty Day, who was burned at the stake for publically demonstrating her God-touched power of resurrection, which was mistaken for necromancy.
''We're under siege, ladies. Our lives, our very existence is always at risk. Know this - or face extinction,'' she concluded.
*A hotel in Seattle, night*
"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" played loudly as the milf dressed in a silk caftan and high on pills moved around her room at odd angles. She stopped by the mirror and stared at herself. She pulled the skin back on her face. She was going a bit mad.
She noticed the TV. A story about New Orleans was on it. They displayed a picture of a young girl with a chyron over it - ''Misty Day, Missing for 28 Days.'' Something about the girl made the woman stop. She felt as if she knew her. Then there was a knock at the door.
''You made me leave my daughters' violin recital early, Fiona.''
''You've been shooting me up with your shit for five days and nothing has changed! I want to see those syringes. How do I know you haven't been filling them with sugar water to protect your precious protocols, Dr. Zhong?''
''I have risked my career giving you these drugs. They could kill you. I could go to jail!''
''Give me more! You're not giving me enough. Double the dosage.''
''Pull our funding. I don't care. I quit. You're insane. You're a beautiful woman. People get older. We are organic matter. We are animals. We rot, we die! ''
Fiona grabbed a cigarette. She tried to calm herself down.
''I will tender my resignation in the morning,'' added the doctor curtly and started out.
Fiona suddenly appeared oddly emotional. A tear streamed down her cheek and then... her eyes went dark. A wind picked up outside and all of the doors in the suite slammed shut. The lights flared out. There was darkness and silence. The room was briefly illuminated as Fiona struck a match and lit a cigarette.
''What is this? How are you doing this?'' yelled Dr. Zhong, terrified. He ran to the french doors and desperately tried to get out. But they wouldn't open.
''Oh, stop being such a child. This won't hurt. Very much. Well, for very long...'' began to prowl towards him, Fiona. The doctor was losing it.
He grabbed whatever he could find - a fireplace tool - and charged at her. With a stern look, the woman sent him flying backward into the wall. With the blink of an eye, she stood over him.
''Please. My children,'' pleaded the man. The hag shook her head, frustrated. The wind picked up again and she leaned down. ''Shhh... Shhh... Love me. Love me,'' With her touch, he changed. He relaxed and was suddenly in love with her. In love with love. He stood up and she kissed him passionately. The wind swirled again. The pleasure mixed with pain as he tried to pull away but couldn't. His body shook. He started to age in the woman's arms. First a year, then ten, fifty, and a hundred. His face collapsed in on itself and he collapsed onto the floor in a tortured spasm. A kind of death orgasm. Fiona reached down and closed the doctor's eyes.
She then turned away and lit another cigarette. She went back to the mirror and peered into it. Her youth had returned, her cheeks were plump and rosy. She breathed a tiny sigh of relief. She looked at the doctor's desiccated corpse again. His mouth was open in a hideous, frozen silent scream. By the time she turned back to the mirror, her newfound youth had faded. Faded as fast as it came. It was gone. She stood for a moment and then smashed the mirror in rage. She picked up a broken piece of glass and studied her reflection in it again. From the corner of her eye, she saw a book on the coffee table. Brahm Stocker's Dracula.
''Hmmm...'' she mumbled.
*New Orleans, Miss Robincheux's Academy, night*
Bella, Zoe, Madison, Nan, and Queenie were seated in a formal dining room. The table was set with china, silver, and cloth napkins. Spalding, the mute butler was serving the girls steaming bowls of soup. Madison was eying hers with disgust.
''Hey, Jeeves. Can I get some iceberg lettuce with a side of Blue Cheese?''
''Girl, be nice to Spalding. Poor bastard has no tongue,'' rebuked her Queenie.
'Is that true, Jeeves? Did you use that tongue for something wicked? Or maybe you suck at going down,''
Spalding glared at Madison and slammed a bowl of soup in front of Bella, spraying hot greasy droplets on Bella's phone and the table. "Hey! I'm watching Nikocado Avocado!" growled the girl and wiped the grease off the screen with her sleeve.
As the butler headed for the kitchen, Madison couldn't resist. ''Aw come on, Jeeves. Show me your stub! Maybe we can put it to use!'' Spalding disappeared into the kitchen and slammed the door.
She then turned to Bella and Zoe. ''So New Girls, what are you in for?''
''Her boyfriend,'' blurted out Nan and pointed to Zoe. Then she concentrated on Bella, who was still watching Niko have a mental breakdown on her phone. Upon hearing nothing, Nan started gaping again.
''Nan, shuddup before you get your ass in trouble,'' interjected Queenie. Nan put a hand over her gaping mouth.
''Did you kill him?'' asked Madison Zoe.
''No. It was an accident,'' mumbled Zoe.
''Let's hear about this accident. And don't spare the gory details,'' smirked Madison.
But before she could get a response Nan shouted, "I can't hear her!"
Bella was just about to lean over in her chair to let out a quiet little toot, but upon hearing this she blasted a huge fart that made the walls rumble.
"What about now, did you hear that Nan!?" asked Bella and made a brief manic facial expression.
"Yes, Bella I heard that..." mumbled Nan and paused for a bit. "What I meant is that I can't read your mi-"
Bella started to get annoyed by the girl and growled ''Yea, yea ok Nana Banana! I got sent here for farting off the window back home or some kind of stupid shit like that. Leave me alone!''
The rest of the girls raised their eyebrows. ''You're really weird,'' said Madison to Bella.
''Oh yea? Well, why are you here then?'' retorted Bella and looked at Madison.
''My agent staged an intervention. Ever since my drunk and disorderly, I get blamed for all kinds of shit I didn't do.''
''But you did do it. You killed that man-'' blurted Nan again.
''I get it, Bitch, you're clairvoyant... It's not that simple though. You want to know what really happened?''
Madison briefly explained how she was playing the role of Natalie Wood in the movie Gypsy and the Director made her furious by constantly berating her for not hitting her mark and for telling her he regrets giving her the role. So she decided to make one of the lights plummet and nail the Director just as he was passing under it, splattering his brains. ''The light hit him just fine,'' she concluded.
''All he said was hit your mark. Why don't you do the world a favor and go take an acting class? You D-list botox bimbo-''
Madison flicked her wrist and Queenie's soup dish spilled onto her lap. The black girl furiously grabbed a fork and jammed it into the back of her left hand. Madison howled in pain and saw that four blood spots appeared on her left hand - in the same spot as the fork tines wedged into Queenie's hand. The black girl grabbed the fork again and jerked it back and forth to torture Madison, who writhed in her chair. ''Queenie, stop!'' shouted the girls.
''I'm a human voodoo doll, Bitch! I don't feel a thing!'' shouted Queenie manically.
''Stop! You're gonna get in trouble!'' pleaded Nan and grabbed the fork and yanked it out of Queenie's hand. Queenie instantly grabbed a knife and held it up to her own throat. Nan dove for the knife and snatched it away. ''Queenie, stop! C'mon. Let's go take a walk.''
''A walk?'' fumed Queenie.
Queenie followed Nan out, muttering under her breath.
''Well, that was disturbing. Given the choices around here, I guess you two are my new best friends. Do you own any clothes that don't come from the Gap?''
"Nah," replied Bella.
"Me neither. Why?" asked Zoe.
''I'll let you two borrow something of mine then... Frat Party. Just came up on my Twitter feed.''
Zoe and Bella followed Madison to her dorm. The young celebrity dumped a pile of clothes on her bed and told her new ''friends'' to choose something. After much time trying on the clothes, Zoe decided to go with ripped black skinny jeans, a slutty purple crop top, black lace-up boots with high heels, and a pentagram necklace. Bella meanwhile put on an oversized Tupac hoodie, a dark plaid miniskirt, and knee-high black converse shoes. She also decided to wear a big golden dollar sign necklace and she put in fake golden tooth grills with some silver glitter on them. Madison was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets, and black combat boots. They all put on some black eyeshadow, dark red lipstick and painted their nails black. Maddison and Zoe put on some white foundation to look more gothic. They then looked at Bella, but she said ''I'm pale anyway,'' When they were done, they ran down the stairs, out of the house, and toward a side gate in the backyard. When they got to the greenhouse they overheard a conversation coming from it and halted.
''I'm done. Show yourself out,'' said Cordelia bitterly.
A sarcastic milf voice responded ''I'm not leaving. I'm here to help you. Not fifty miles from here a young woman was burned at the stake - it's Salem all over again. A storm is coming. And you've been leaving these poor girls in your charge completely unprepared for it.''
''I'm aware of what's happening. My entire teaching philosophy...''
''Has been an abject failure. You teach them to cower. To hide in the shadows. Well, there are no shadows - not anymore. You think with Tiktok and Instagram if a witch does anything she won't be videoed and turned into some kind of viral freakshow like a dog that says I love you?''
''My girls are learning how to live in the world and not be afraid of it-''
Bella accidentally kicked a flowerpot on the ground.
''Is someone there?'' asked Cordelia.
The girls quickly ran off. They walked a few blocks and got into a cab. Roman's Revenge by Nicki Minaj was playing on the radio. ''I am not Jasmine, I am Aladin...'' the girls rapped along, but only Madison knew the Eminem parts by heart.
*New Orleans, Sorority residence, night*
Music. Drinks. The living room was crowded with people. Suddenly there was a murmur at the entrance.
The crowd parted like the Red Sea. Camera phones flashed and people gawked and made way as Madison Montgomery was making an entrance. She was moving in slowly, hot as a magazine cover. Zoe and Bella were a couple of steps behind her, but they were immediately crowded out by kids wanting to get closer to the celebrity. The sorority president turned to a sorority sister. ''Oh my God, that's Madison Montgomery!'' she squealed.
''What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?'' asked Madison as the noise died down for a few moments.
The Sorority President grabbed her hand and lead her away, followed by a bunch of people. Zoe and Bella were left in the wake, suddenly alone. They moved through the party. Zoe checked out the decor and looked at the centerpiece ice sculpture. Through the rippled ice, a distorted, monstrous face stared back. Zoe got startled when she realized it was just some blonde boy looking at the same piece from the other side. She gave him a shy smile before turning away to look where Bella had gone. She saw her approaching a door that said ''Bathroom''. Bella tried to open the door but it was locked. She halted for a few seconds and then started banging on the door with both her fists and yelling ''Let me in! LET ME IN!''
''OCCUPIED!'' yelled a voice from the bathroom.
''There is another bathroom upstairs'' told Bella a girl that was leaning on a nearby wall.
Bella measured the girl with her eyes and then replied ''Yeah, I know lol,'' and walked away confidently. She climbed the stairs and her skirt got lifted a bit with each step she took. An outside observer would have thought her skirt was lifting because of the way she walked and the material of the skirt but actually, it was flapping up and down because she let out a little fart with each step she took and tried to mask it with her movements.
''It's quite drafty in here, isn't it?'' she told the people upstairs that were observing her self-lifting skirt, and grinned, flashing her gold teeth with silver glitter on them.
Music throbbed in the other room as Zoe stood alone. A cup of punch suddenly appeared in front of her. She looked up to find the blonde boy, offering her the drink. ''Hey, I'm Kyle,'' he introduced himself and smiled.
Meanwhile, Bella realized she wasn't alone in the bathroom. There was someone taking a dump in the stall next to hers. She felt challenged by the person and decided to assert her dominance by shitting more loudly.
"Damn babe, that ass can fart," whispered a soft voice from the next stall. "But not as much as this fat ass!" the voice continued and chuckled evilly. Bella could hear the person slap their ass in a vulgar display of power. A beastly noise that sounded like a walrus giving birth to farm equipment started coming from the neighboring stall.
"Oh, it's on!" yelled Bella. They started playing battleshits in the bathroom like two cars racing down a bumpy road.
When she was finished she went to the sink to wash her hands. The person from the other stall opened the door. Bella glanced in the mirror to see who it was.
"Caitlyn Jenner?!" gasped Bella.
"Hey, babe," replied Caitlyn and bowed slightly. She was wearing bunny ears, a daring little angora crop top, black skinny jeans, and red high heels.
"Wha- How? Why is no one talking about the fact that you're here!?"
"That's cuz no one likes me, babe," replied Caitlyn sadly. Her bunny ears moved in a sad way.
"Ah yea, ok," replied Bella as she was drying her hands.
Bella and Caitlyn walked down the hallway. "Hah, Frat Party. More like FART party am I right?" said Bella to Caitlyn. The same people from before were still in the hallway and looked at the pair quizzically as they were walking away and headed down the stairs.
Caitlyn poured Bella a drink and they sat down in the corner. They suddenly didn't know what to say to each other and were saved by Zoe who ran up to them, looking distraught.
"Where is Madison?" she asked in a panicked voice.
"Dunno, haven't seen her since we came here," replied Bella.
"Yeah, I have a very bad feeling. Something is wrong. Wait, is this Caitlyn Jenner?"
Caitlyn waved at Zoe "Hey, bab-"
"Ughh never mind, we don't have time for this!" cut her off Zoe and pulled Bella from her chair and they ran away. Caitlyn looked after them sadly and took a small sip of her punch.
Bella and Zoe found a half-naked Madison sprawled on a dorm bed.
"Madison? Shit. Madison! Did they give you something?" asked Zoe frantically. She didn't move. Bella slapped her twice and she gained consciousness.
"Ouch, you bitch!"
Zoe wrapped a blanket around the drugged girl, who was still woozy.
"What did they do to me? It hurts..." she croaked.
"Who did this to you?" asked Bella, concern finally showing in her voice.
"Those frat assholes," replied Madison with a shaky voice.
"Stay here. We're not going to let them get away," said Zoe and took Bella by the hand again as they sped off.
They saw the frat boys get on a bus outside.
"Stop! Stop!" yelled the two girls and slammed their hands against the side of the bus. They looked on helplessly as the vehicle roared past them. Bella pulled her skirt up with determination, got on her knees, and closed her eyes.
''Hey frat assholes, meet my FART ASSHOLE!'' released a battle cry Bella and pointed her butt in the air. She expelled a heavy ball of acidic excrement towards the bus. She missed the vehicle by a few inches. Her poo conveniently landed on someone's backyard compost pile, setting it on fire upon impact. Black-blue smoke started raising from it. Meanwhile, Zoe turned back to the house and saw Madison haltingly walking up to them.
The three girls stood stoically, watching the rapists get away. As the bus was about to disappear down the road, Madison lifted and twisted her hand. The bus suddenly flipped and rolled a couple of times before smashing against some trees. The metal tore, ripping the bus apart. Glass shattered as some of the frat assholes were ejected onto the road. Zoe and Bella were shocked. They looked to Madison who met their eyes for a beat, before turning and numbly walking back to the house as dark smoke from the burning compost pile enveloped the street.
