Steering
It was surprisingly easy for the Time Lords to return to their opposing positions around the Doctor's TARDIS console. They'd nearly gotten there as they'd piloted away from Heather, but it hadn't been quite right.
Now, though, it was settled. Proper.
Bill stood between them like companions always did, eyeing them. The woman had no idea how much each Time Lord meant to the other. How much they'd been through. How hard this was. "So?"
The Doctor nodded. "So."
"What do we do?" Bill looked around the console. "Do I have to sit somewhere? Are there seat belts?"
Adelaide frowned at her. "You've done this before. This isn't your first trip."
"Yeah, but it's proper this time." Bill moved around the console, locating a chair to the side. She sat and immediately frowned. "Oh, that's a mistake."
"What is?"
"You can't reach the controls from the seats. What's the point in that? Or do you have stretchy arms, like Mister Fantastic?"
"Oh, I stand, like this," the Doctor demonstrated. Adelaide felt like laughing.
"You never thought of bringing the seats a bit closer?"
The Doctor blinked. "No, not so far, no."
"Technically, the Doctor's TARDIS is meant to require six pilots. There's only one chair. It's meant for passengers."
Bill looked at Adelaide. "Really?"
Adelaide shrugged. "A theory only. I'm not actually an expert on the Doctor's TARDIS."
"She's an expert on most things," the Doctor added. "Ask her about anything and she'd know. History, math, philosophy. Especially biology. But not TARDISes. She's rubbish at them."
"I'm not rubbish."
"I thought you weren't self-aggrandizing."
The Time Lords held each other's gaze.
Bill waited a few seconds to speak again. "Where's the steering wheel?"
"You don't steer the Doctor's TARDIS, you negotiate with it," Adelaide said.
The Doctor nodded. "The still point between where you want to go and where you need to be, that's where she takes you."
"If you'd like, Bill, I'll show you my TARDIS another time. You'll be able to see a properly functioning ship."
Bill's eyes widened. "You have a TARDIS? How much do they cost?"
"I was given mine. He stole his."
"Seriously?"
The Doctor nodded. "Yep."
"Why?"
"Well, actually, because I felt like it."
"What if I steal it from you?"
"Well, that'd be rude." The Doctor grinned. "But on you go."
Bill stood, examining the console. "I don't know how it works."
He shrugged. "Well, neither did I."
There was a knock on the TARDIS door. Adelaide and the Doctor exchanged a look. "Who's that?" Bill asked.
Another knock. "Mum," the Doctor whispered. He moved to the door and opened it for Nardole, who looked quite put out. Adelaide wanted to laugh again.
"Excuse me, just what is the TARDIS doing down here?" Nardole asked.
"I'm over two thousand years old, I don't always want to take the stairs."
"Your oath, sir. You're not supposed to go off-world unless it's an emergency."
The Doctor gestured out the TARDIS door. "I'm not off-world."
Nardole looked up to Adelaide. "Are you going off-world?"
"We're going back to my office," the Doctor answered. "Can you put the kettle on, please?"
"Hmm..." Nardole studied Bill. "Why's she here?"
"Because she isn't anywhere else." The Doctor gestured out the door. "Kettle."
Nardole pouted. "Well, I'm not making any for her. She can make her own. I'm not a slave for any human, I can assure you." He looked at Adelaide again. "I'll make some for you, though."
"Thank you, Nardole." The humanoid left.
When the Time Lords looked back at Bill, the human looked sad. "So, back up to your office for a cuppa, then?"
"Between here and my office, before the kettle boils, is everything that ever happened or ever will." The Doctor grinned. "Make your choice."
"What choice?"
"Past or future."
Bill grinned. "Future."
"Why?" Adelaide asked her.
"Why do you think? I want to see if it's happy."
|C-S|
The trio emerged into something that looked like a normal wheat field surrounding a futuristic city. Bill stumbled outside, spinning as she took in the surroundings. "Which way is Earth?"
The Doctor shrugged. "Ah, space is bent. Earth is any way you choose to look. Why, you thinking about leaving?"
"Thinking? I'm not thinking. My brain's overloading." She turned, stopping to look at the Doctor. "Why a phone box?"
"I told you," Adelaide said.
"Yeah, well, I get that it's a broken cloaking device, but why keep it that shape? Why do you like it?"
He frowned. "Who said I like it?"
"You kept it."
The Doctor pouted and started to walk. "Come along."
Bill matched Adelaide's pace as the Time Lady began to move. "Grouchy pants."
"He's only getting started. You should see him in the morning."
Bill glanced at how far ahead the Doctor was. "Are you two a..."
"Now is not the time."
Bill shrugged. "You two are practically strangers to me, especially you. I only found out you had history earlier today."
"History is a small word." Adelaide eyed the Doctor's back. Even though Bill had judged the distance to be far enough, Adelaide knew the true extent of Time Lord hearing. His shoulders were tense. "We can talk about this later, Bill, after the Doctor and I have a conversation about it ourselves. All you need to know is that I left him, originally on good terms, and then on tense ones. Neither of us expected to ever see the other again."
They reached the city and the Doctor turned, gesturing at the buildings. "This is one of the Earth's first colonies." He spoke as though Adelaide had said nothing. "They say the settlers have cracked the secret of human happiness."
Bill pulled out her phone to take a picture, earning her a sigh from the Doctor. "One more question. Little fella said you made an oath. You're not supposed to leave the planet."
He looked at Adelaide. "A long time ago, a thing happened. As a result of the thing, I made a promise. As a result of the promise, I have to stay on Earth."
"Guarding a vault."
He nodded. "Guarding a vault."
"And not interfering," Adelaide added. The Doctor didn't repeat that.
"Well, you're not guarding a vault right now."
"Yes, I am. I have a time machine. I can be back before we left."
Bill shrugged. "But what if you get lost, or stuck, or something?"
The Doctor blinked. "I've thought about that."
"And?"
"Well, it would be a worry, so best not to dwell on it." The Doctor spun, gesturing at the buildings again. "Look at this building. Look at it. You know what I like about humanity? Its optimism. Do you know what this building is made of? Pure, soaring optimism."
They found their way to a walkway on an upper level of the abandoned city. The Doctor was leading and Adelaide in the back, Bill between them. Above them, there was a swarm that Adelaide kept glancing at.
"What are they? Alien birds?" Bill asked.
"Vardies," the Doctor explained. "Tiny robots. Work in flocks. They're versatile, hard-working. Good at learning skills. The worker bees of the Third Industrial Revolution, probably just checking us out for security."
Bill held a hand up to block the sun to look closer at the robots. "These are robots? These are disappointing robots."
The Doctor pointed at her. "That's a very offensive remark. Don't make offensive remarks like that. It's rude. Adelaide hates it when you're rude. And you don't want her to hate you."
"Then why doesn't she hate you?" Bill paused. "At least, not for that."
"It wasn't worth it to keep pushing the point," Adelaide said. "On his good days, he'd remember himself."
"She trained me."
"Should have trained you better," Bill smirked. "Besides, you can't offend a machine."
"You'd be surprised."
Bill winced, grabbing onto her ear. "Oh, what just happened?"
"Your ear's on fire."
Bill stepped away, shaking her head. "Ow! Your voice just came out in my ear. I mean, I know voices go into ears but this was like..."
"We've been fitted with a communication device that uses our nervous system as hardware," Adelaide explained. "We must have just downloaded an upgrade for our ears."
"I'll never lose my phone again. I'll never run out of battery again!"
The Doctor nodded. "Welcome to paradise."
"Hang on, is there a mute button though? What if you're in the loo?"
He shrugged. "Who needs loos? There's probably an app for that."
Bill moved ahead of the Doctor, peering into a room as they passed it. "So, where is everyone? Don't tell me we've come halfway across the universe and they've all gone out. We should've texted first or something." A large door at the end of their walkway slid open and Bill leaned forward, narrowing her eyes to see it better. "What's that?" The Time Lords stopped beside her. "That is a robot. That is not a disappointing robot."
Bill hurried further and the Doctor and Adelaide exchanged a look.
The door that had opened closed behind them as Bill stopped before the robot. "Technically, this isn't a robot at all," the Doctor said. "The tiny little things, those are the robots, this is the interface with them."
"Does it speak? Will we understand it?"
"That depends on which aspects of your languages survived after so many years," Adelaide said.
The interface's face switched to a large grin, which Bill matched. "Emoji. It speaks emoji!"
The Doctor groaned. "Of course it does."
Thumbs up for eyes. "Aw. It's cute." The interface held up three blank circles. "What's that?"
"Blank badges."
Each of them took one, turning them over. "Mood indicator," Adelaide identified, watching as the puzzled expression on the Doctor's remained on the side facing out, no matter how many times he turned it. "Displays your mood for other people to see."
"But you're never allowed to see your own mood."
Adelaide nodded. "Knowing your own mood has the chance to affect your own mood. It creates a feedback loop and would interfere with the data being collected."
Bill looked around the empty room. "So who's collecting the data?"
"Is the big question," the Doctor finished.
"So what do we do then?"
"Well, if they're badges then..." the Doctor attempted to place it on his lapel, but it vanished. "What? Where's...where's it gone?" He turned in a small circle, searching the ground.
Adelaide nodded at his neck. "It's on your back."
Bill placed her own and it appeared on her back. Adelaide was more apprehensive, but she did so anyway. The Doctor nodded at both of them. "Yours too."
"So, everyone you walk past can see what you're thinking. What if you really fancy someone?"
"Well, I suppose it means that you have to maintain eye contact with them." The Doctor looked to Adelaide. "Enforces communication."
"Oh, that's brilliant," Bill nodded.
The interface turned away, beginning to walk off. "Welcome to the future," Adelaide said, the trio following. Adelaide saw the Doctor taking a peek at her mood indicator.
To cover it, he pretended at distaste. "Emojis. Wearable communications. We're in the utopia of vacuous teens."
The interface brought them to another large empty space, though this one had a table with three chairs in the center. It placed down three trays, two with two blue cubes and the other with only one.
Bill rushed to it, gesturing at the plates. "Look at this. It knew I was starving! Food from another planet. You've got to, haven't you?" She sat, sniffing the plate. "Smells like fish."
The Doctor made a face. "I'm not that fond of fish, except socially, which can complicate a meal like this."
"Should we eat it, though? I mean, what if they're not like us?"
Adelaide nodded at the plates. "It's modern human cutlery and the emojis are modeled after specifically human features."
"And no other species in the universe uses emojis," the Doctor added.
Adelaide continued as though she hadn't heard him. "Everything here is human except..."
"No humans," Bill finished.
"This is a perfect colony for humans, so where are all the colonists?" The Doctor looked around. Both Time Lords kept doing that. Something didn't feel right.
Adelaide leaned down to study a blue cube. "That's some type of flavored algae. Makes sense, due to the lack of any sign of livestock."
"That's good, isn't it? In the future we don't eat living things, we eat algae."
The Doctor shrugged. "I met an emperor made of algae once. He fancied me."
Adelaide blinked. "Now, that is someone I haven't met."
Bill frowned at them. "Why aren't you loving this?"
"Everything is here, everything is ready, but there's no one here."
"It's like the Student Union first thing, before the actual students arrive. Two portions, though."
"Those two are ours," Adelaide said as the Doctor nodded.
"That's it! That's it! Of course! The whole place is waiting. We're just too early."
"So, they're all still in bed?" Bill looked back down to the plates. "Two portions. One portion. Good to see there isn't food sexism in the future. No bloke utopia."
Adelaide shrugged. "Even if it was based on sex, male human bodies tend to require more food than female human bodies. Evolution."
Bill scoffed. "Sounds like sexism."
"However, it's likely reading the Doctor and I as two people."
"Why?"
"We each have two hearts."
The Doctor continued to speak before Bill could vocalize her shock. "If you're going to travel twenty light-years, you're going to want to make sure you've got somewhere to sleep at the end of it, aren't you? So, what do you do?"
"Sorry? Two hearts?"
"You send robots ahead of you," Adelaide nodded. "They're able to build you a place to live."
"This is brilliant!"
Bill stood, pointing at the two Time Lords. "You...you...you two have got two hearts?"
"Robots, they don't breathe," the Time Lords were just looking at each other, nodding in agreement as each came up with a new idea. "They can fix the atmosphere for you, send data back, so you know whether to bring your waterproofs or not. Work in huge robot flocks. You just send them up ahead and you leave them to it."
"Yeah." Bill waved her hand. "Hearts, though. Why two?"
"Well, why one?"
"Does that mean you've got really high blood pressure?"
"Really high."
|C-S|
Though neither Time Lord actually knew how the human settlement was arranged, Adelaide was the one who found the greenhouse. The Doctor couldn't seem to decide if he was annoyed he wasn't the one who found it or proud that she managed it. Thankfully, it seemed he was settling on pride.
A proud Doctor could be difficult to deal with, but so long as it wasn't pride in himself, it was far better than annoyance.
Adelaide bent to study the dirt, running her fingers through it before pulling out her sonic to scan it. The Doctor stood over her shoulder, watching her work. He'd not even begun to bend to look, though Adelaide knew he wanted to.
He was just as curious as she was. It was why she'd loved him.
She wondered if he was studying the mood indicator on her back. Using it to get even the smallest sense of who she truly was.
"So, if the people aren't here yet, what do we do?" Bill asked as she worked. "Put the kettle on? Or are we going to leave before they arrive?" She eyed the Doctor's expression. "Is that what you're worried about? I can see you're worried."
"Well, you never know what's round the next corner."
Adelaide pulled up a small medallion and brushed away some of the dirt. The Doctor saw it. Bill didn't. "These are their crops. Orchards, olive groves...this is their nursery."
The Doctor gestured at a swarm of the robots. "Look, the little robots are doing pollination work."
"A solution to the vanishing bees."
Bill paused at an herb garden. "Oh, this plant! There's one of these growing outside the Student Union. It smells amazing."
Adelaide glanced over at it as she stood. "Rosemary."
Bill grinned. "I'm smelling home twenty light-years from home." She turned back to the Time Lords. "Thanks for bringing me. This is a great day out. I mean, come on, admit it. You love it."
"Did either of us say we didn't love it? Yes, we do. It's very lovable." He eyed Adelaide. "Bill, you asked us where all the people were, and together we theorized that they hadn't got here yet. Did we sound convincing?"
"Yeah."
"And did I convince myself?" he turned to show the human his mood indicator.
"No."
"No, no. And I'll tell you why. Because there should be somebody here. There should be some kind of set-up team, a skeleton crew."
Bill frowned at him. "You're thinking. Tell me what you're thinking about."
"A magic haddock."
Bill nearly rolled her eyes. "Obviously." There was a sound from above and Bill looked up, watching a white powder rain onto the plans. "What is this stuff? Is it snow?"
Adelaide blinked at the human. "Why would they intentionally be placing snow onto young plants? It's fertilizer. Mineral fertilizer, calcium-based. The first question is what is the source of this mineral fertilizer, but it can quickly be answered by the second question..." the Doctor moved as she spoke, sonicing open a small container in the back of the nursery, "where are all the people?" human skulls spilled out.
Bill moved back, looking horrified. "Urgh!"
"Here, right here, in this garden," the Doctor answered.
"Oh, my God."
The Doctor bent and picked up one of the skulls, studying it. His mood indicator gained a tear. Adelaide wondered if her's did. "Despite appearances, they haven't been dead very long."
"Wait, those are the colonists?"
"The colonists have yet to arrive," Adelaide said. "This is the skeleton crew."
"Why did the robots feed them to the garden?"
"I don't know." The Doctor stood. "Adelaide?"
But the Time Lady only shook her head. "There's likely an error in their programming logic. A metaphor they've interpreted literally. Or a virus corrupting. Humans, even in the future, can have difficulty understanding exactly how a computer will understand its commands, especially if they get corrupted."
"They should have applied the laws of robotics."
"Even those laws can be corrupted." With that, Adelaide turned and led the way out of the garden, though they didn't get far. An interface was waiting for them, looking tearful. "Hello," she told it. She was very thankful her interface didn't communicate in emojis. "We were admiring your garden." She smiled and made herself exude pleasure. "Quite lovely."
Bill nodded. "Yes!"
"But we're leaving it now." Adelaide kept walking. Almost a moment after they'd passed the interface, they heard the body following them.
The trio hurried in silence for some time, but the interface continued just as slowly. Bill glanced back at it. "If he's chasing us, he's moving very slowly."
"It's an interface," Adelaide mumbled, "not technically a 'he'."
"Do you know what it means when something chases you very slowly?" the Doctor said.
"What?"
"It means there's a reason that they don't have to run."
The trio reached a four-way corridor, but two interface appeared in front of them. They turned to the branches, but there were two interfaces at each. Behind them, a second interface joined the first.
"Okay, they were slow, but the city is full of them, so they catch you in the end."
"What do we do?"
Adelaide turned and studied them all. "Question. We've been here for some time. Why have they only begun attacking now?"
"Does it matter?"
"It may be key." Adelaide looked at Bill's mood indicator. "Smile."
"Smile?"
"Whole face, smile, now."
Bill grinned. "What good's smiling?" Her mood indicator changed to a smile.
"Smiles aren't merely based in muscle. Studies have proven they have a measurable effect on your mood states. These robots were designed to make you happy, but something went wrong, and they misinterpreted that instruction."
Bill frowned. "How would massacring hundreds of people make me happy?"
The Doctor matched Adelaide's forced grin. "How would massacring hundreds of people make me happy, smiley face."
The human smiled again. "Smiley face."
"Magic haddock."
Bill shook her head. "What magic haddock? What's that all about?"
"The robots want you to be happy but they got the wrong end of the stick." The Doctor looked to Adelaide. "I think we should give them what they want." He began to move towards the interface, plastering an even wider smile on his face. "Don't even try without smiling." Slowly, Adelaide and Bill followed her. "What a lovely place you have here. Thank you so much for your hospitality."
Bill nodded. "We will come again. Doctor, Adelaide, I was thinking maybe next time we might go to Wiltshire, perhaps, or Aberdeen."
"Ah, yes. Two thumbs up for Wiltshire slash Aberdeen."
They slid past the interface with their grins. For a moment, it seemed like they'd succeeded.
And then an interface grabbed Bill's arm. Its eyes had become skulls. "Help!"
"Smile! Smile!" the Doctor soniced the interface and it released her. They began to run, Adelaide leading the way.
When Bill looked back again, there was a swam of the robots following them. "Where did they come from?"
"Once we're out of the city, we should be safe."
A/N: Off adventuring together again, finally! Adelaide did get to do a lot of the explaining here, but the Doctor was definitely taking a slight backseat just to ensure she was enjoying all the mystery solving. Forgot how much I loved Adelaide getting all sciencey :)
Notes on reviews:
lautaro94: I definitely agree. The Doctor and Adelaide are always so much fun to write together, but they are so bad at communicating their feelings that there was no way they'd be able to work together consistently without some big problems coming up. Hopefully, they can begin to fix it!
