Thank you for all the incredible reviews. The fact that over 30 of you took time to give me your thoughts on the last chapter is incredible. I think we all need some Haleb loving in these dark times.
Isabel ~ this kind of fits what you asked for, a little argument and make up ;) but I do want to do a one shot pre Logan, I just couldn't figure out how to fit it into this chap.
Guest ~ in 73816 languages, I hope this update is what you need.
Haleb will conquer, somewhere within me is a very small glimmer of hope. I put a specific reference in here as to how Caleb will never find anybody more attractive than Hanna.
Enjoy below...
Crisis of Confidence
Caleb wearily blinked his eyes open as he felt Hanna's cold and empty side of the bed. She had to stop doing this. It was the third time this week that he'd been forced to track his wife down at 3am and he was reaching breaking point.
He had a three-year-old (oh wait, officially as of midnight, a four-year-old) who was demanding things left, right and centre for his birthday and a 19-month-old who was deciding now was the time to push the boundaries and say no to everything, whilst also constantly whining for attention. Add to that a wife who was thinking it was completely okay to fall asleep curled up on the rocker in the new nursery every other night and he was about to lose it. How the hell did they think they could cope with another baby? At the rate they were going, if they made it through Logan's birthday in one piece it would be a minor miracle.
"Han," He whispered, gently stroking her arm to try and rouse her from her sleep. She didn't stir, so he shook her again, "Hanna," He said more firmly. She blinked her eyes open at him and that was when he noticed the redness – she'd been crying… again. "Hey," He soothed, "What's wrong?" He asked, encouraging her to stand up and then taking her place and pulling her back onto his lap. He didn't know if it was the hormones, or the fact that it was Logan's birthday, or something else entirely.
"I'm tired," She mumbled, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Then why are you sleeping in here?" He asked her gently, rubbing her back. They had a perfectly comfortable bed where she could sleep too.
"It's quiet," She said sleepily.
Clearly he wasn't going to get a conversation out of her. "Let's go back to bed," He whispered, encouraging her back to their bedroom in her half awake state. She almost collapsed into bed and was out like a light as Caleb stood over her and took in the sight before him. "What is going on in your pretty head?" He shook his head. He was worried about her… she needed to rest as much as possible and right now, it seemed like that was the last thing on her mind. If she could just make it through the night he felt like they might have some hope, but right now even that felt like a stretch.
Their last pregnancy with Mila had been tough and Caleb had briefly questioned whether he wanted Hanna to go through the emotional rollercoaster again (even if there was nothing that would make him happier than adding to their family), but then they'd had that conversation after Nori had been born and he couldn't say no to her. But this… this pregnancy was testing their limits, he thought wearily as he fell back asleep with Hanna curled up on his chest.
When Caleb woke up to another empty bed at 7am, he didn't know whether he wanted to yell at his wife or throw her over his shoulder and carry her back to bed where he'd physically strap her to the mattress and not let her leave until she proved to him she'd gotten 10 hours sleep.
"Hanna," He groaned, his hands rubbing his face as he padded downstairs to the living room. He'd checked the nursery and she wasn't there, so now she wasn't only disappearing from their bed, she was also making him go on a wild goose chase around the house to find her. "Why are you doing this to me?" He moaned as he found her curled up on the sofa with a throw over her, a pile of birthday presents that they'd put out the night before stacked on the coffee table in front of her.
"Hi," She said quietly, reaching her hand out for him. She sat up and let him slide underneath her, his hand running to her bump as she rested her head on his chest.
"Babe," He said in exasperation, "You can't keep doing this." She didn't say anything and just avoided eye contact. "What's going on? Why are you not there every single time I wake up?"
"I just…"
"You just what?" He pushed her. He knew they didn't have long until Logan or Mila were awake and he felt this was a conversation they needed to have now.
"I don't know," She chickened out.
Caleb sighed in frustration, "Babe, you know I love you but you're seriously testing me right now."
"I'm sorry," She began to cry, sitting up and hiding her face.
"Tell me what's wrong and I can make it better," He pleaded, sitting up as well and pulling her tight against her chest. "Is it the baby? Are you worried about her?"
"No," She stood up and shook her head adamantly, wiping her tears away. "I don't wanna talk about it."
"Hanna," He began to get annoyed. He got it - she was tired, he was tired, but there was nothing worse than when she kept something from him. It made him feel like he was failing in some way. "I'm your husband." He argued, "We're supposed to share everything."
"I clearly didn't read that clause when I signed up," She spat.
He sighed again and closed his eyes in frustration, "Do not be like this."
"You're the one being an ass." Okay so she was tired and emotional this morning and her pregnancy was clearly affecting something in her brain, but he really didn't appreciate that.
"I'm trying to be here for you," He argued. She opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by a sleepy voice calling for her from the top of the stairs. "Go get him," Caleb shook his head in resignation and rolled his eyes. This was not how he wanted to spend his son's fourth birthday.
"Mommy, where's Daddy?" He heard Logan ask as they came down the stairs.
"I'm here," Caleb smiled at him from his position on the sofa. He had to bite his tongue to tell Hanna not to carry him when she was almost six months pregnant – with her state of mind at the moment it would probably just end up in a huge argument. "Happy Birthday big boy," He exclaimed, taking him from Hanna and cuddling him close when Logan reached for him.
"Daddy!" Logan squealed as Caleb began to tickle him.
"You excited for your party?" He asked gently, pressing a kiss against his hair as Hanna settled down next to them.
Logan nodded but pouted a little, "What?" Hanna asked, "What's wrong?" Despite how she was feeling at the moment, she wanted nothing more than for Logan to have the best birthday ever.
"You weren't in bed," He whined and both Caleb and Hanna could hear his voice wobble slightly.
"Hey," Caleb soothed, rubbing his back, "Mommy and Daddy were just down here."
"We had to make sure all your birthday presents were here," Hanna added, reaching out to stroke his cheek and wipe a stray tear away.
"I wanted birfday cuddles," He spluttered, burying his head against Caleb's neck. Despite the fact that he was growing up way too fast for their liking, both Hanna and Caleb knew he was still their sensitive little boy who loved nothing more than spending time with his Mommy and Daddy and sissy.
"We're having cuddles now," Caleb tried as Hanna moved closer to him and began to stroke Logan's back. They were both going to have to swallow their pride to make sure this was the best day for him. "Love you," He added, squeezing him tight.
"Love you Daddy," Logan mumbled too, wiping his eyes as he sat back up.
"Mommy'll go see if Mila's awake and then I think we need to cook a special birthday breakfast," Hanna smiled at him, leaning forward to press a kiss against his cheek as he nodded.
"Pancakes," He said, brushing his hair out of his face before settling back against Caleb's chest.
"Okay," Hanna agreed before pushing herself up.
"Han," Caleb said quietly, reaching out for her hand, "It's gonna be fine," He murmured and he meant it. Whatever was going on in her head, Logan's birthday, their argument… it was all going to be fine.
"I find it so depressing that I'm the only one who can drink," Emily moaned as she held onto a glass of wine. It had turned into a beautiful Saturday in Rosewood and everybody found themselves in the Rivers' backyard to celebrate Logan's fourth birthday.
It was the first year that Hanna and Caleb had really thrown a party that extended beyond immediate friends and family. But with their new house and Logan having made some pretty good friends at preschool, when he'd asked Hanna and Caleb for a party, they couldn't think of a better reason to say yes.
Although it almost seemed like somehow by saying yes, their almost four-year-old had turned in to the most demanding little boy on the planet over the past two weeks, asking for pizza and a jungle gym and a dinosaur fighting ring (Hanna had absolutely no idea with that one) and to top it off, a castle to 'bounce all over' as their preschooler had so graciously put it.
They'd been firm but fair and let Logan invite one friend for every year of his age, before letting him go with the bouncy castle and takeaway pizza – it meant five screaming preschoolers and the never ending sound of Logan begging Hanna or Caleb to come jumping with him. But for the look of pure joy on their little boy's face, it was worth all it.
"I wish I could drink," Hanna sighed, taking a sip of her water as she sat on their decking and watched Logan run around with some of his friends. "Careful," She muttered to herself as she saw him run full speed into the inflatable castle.
"You don't even look pregnant," Penny, one of Logan's friend's Mom said.
"Yeah" Hanna didn't even realise what she was saying, too distracted as she watched Mila playing with George on the lawn. "Wait, no," Hanna shook her head and furrowed her brow, "She's getting big."
Spencer scoffed and was about to respond before Hanna suddenly stood up and began to walk hurriedly over to the bouncy castle. Caleb was supposed to be watching the kids, but he'd clearly become too engrossed in his beer whilst Mila decided she wanted to try and climb up onto the inflatable and take George with her too. "No baby," Hanna said, guiding the toddler back to the blanket that was laid out with toys. "Come play over here with George."
"No," Mila began to whimper, "Lo."
"I know you wanna be having fun with Lo," Hanna agreed, kneeling down with her, "But boys are rough and you'll get hurt," She grimaced as Logan threw himself into the side of the bouncy castle and rebounded like nothing happened.
"Mama," Mila whined and tried to fight Hanna's grasp, reaching for the bouncy castle as angry tears welled up in her eyes.
"I know," Hanna tried to soothe her, "I wanna cry too but we can't." She kissed her hair gently, "Look, George wants you to play with your baby with him," She pointed at their puppy who was sniffing around Mila's dollies.
"Jorge!" Mila squealed, scrambling over to pat the puppy and play with her dolly, her tears completely forgotten.
"Hey," Caleb said quietly as he came over to the pair of them. It felt like Hanna had been avoiding him since their first guest turned up and all it did was make him feel uneasy. "She okay?" He asked.
"I thought you were watching her," Hanna muttered, taking the dolly from Mila when she handed it to her.
"I am," He replied, taking a sip of his beer.
"Well then why was she allowed to climb onto the bouncy castle with the boys?"
"Daddy!" Caleb was just about to defend himself when Logan yelled for him.
"One minute Lo," He replied, holding up a finger. "Don't be like this," He whispered to Hanna, kneeling down to press a kiss against her forehead before leaving her with Mila to go and see what Logan wanted.
She watched him go, smiling slightly as he placed his beer on a table before diving onto the inflatable and beginning to bounce with Logan, holding his hands and pulling him up to make him go higher and higher. He was the best Dad. She knew she needed to get over herself, but right now it felt like the toughest thing she'd ever had to do.
A few hours later, pizza had been devoured and Logan had wished on his dinosaur birthday cake. Hanna was still avoiding Caleb and after Logan's friends had gone home, she'd stayed outside with the girls and her Mom whilst Caleb and their other halves proceeded to drunkenly go on the bouncy castle. How they'd managed to get drunk at a four-year-old's birthday party was beyond her. But Logan was loving it - they were literally throwing him around and seeing how high he could go, helping him climb up onto the sides and then jump down. It wasn't doing anything for Hanna's anxiety.
"I can't believe you have a dog," Spencer remarked as she cradle a sleepy Eleanor in her arms.
Hanna stroked George's ear as the puppy napped on her lap. He was turning out to be the most placid and patient dog who liked nothing more than lying across someone's lap and getting as much loving as he could. To say Mila and Logan were in heaven was an understatement. "At first I wanted to kill Caleb," She smiled slightly, "Especially when he was peeing over the rug in the nursery," She added, "But he's the best thing Caleb did that weekend," Hanna finally admitted.
"He's so cute," Aria babied the pup.
"Animals are weird," Hanna said, "When I'm feeling upset or anxious it's like he knows and he comes begging for love."
"Bailey does that," Emily grinned as she played with Mila who was on her lap, "They have this sixth sense," She agreed.
"Kind of like husbands," Aria added, "Ezra always knows when something's wrong. My face is like a walking billboard."
"Mine too," Hanna muttered, raising her eyebrows as she looked over at Caleb.
"You guys seem a little off," Spencer remarked casually. She'd been waiting for the opportune moment to broach the topic and Hanna had just handed it to her on a plate. "Is everything okay?"
"Something's wrong?" Ashley Marin asked worriedly as she sipped a glass of wine.
"It's fine," Hanna tried to shrug her off, reaching for her glass of water.
"Mama," Mila called, scrambling to be let down by Emily.
"What?" She asked soothingly, gently putting George on the floor before picking her little girl up and holding her on her lap.
"Bow," She said, pointing at the bouncy castle.
"You want to go bounce?" Hanna clarified as Mila nodded. "Okay, let's go see Daddy and he can let you bounce for a bit."
"Hanna you can't just avoid this conversation," Spencer yelled as Hanna stood and began to walk across the lawn with Mila on her hip.
She clearly tried to ignore her and carried on her path. "Mommy!" Logan exclaimed when he saw her. "Daddy's makin' me go high."
"I know baby, I saw," Hanna smiled at him, "Be careful, okay?"
"How's Spence?" Toby asked as he looked over at his wife.
"She was saying she felt tired actually," Hanna smiled up at him slightly. Yes, it was a flat out lie but it might mean it got Spencer off her back about Caleb. She really didn't want anyone else sticking their nose in when it was their business what was going on. And even then, there wasn't anything going on, so Spencer had nothing to be asking her about anyway.
"I should go make sure she's okay," He muttered, jumping down from the inflatable and heading back up towards the house.
"Now it looks bad if I don't go," Ezra whined, following the tall brunette across the lawn.
"She wants to bounce," Hanna squinted up at Caleb as she placed Mila on the inflatable.
"You wanna come bounce with Daddy and Lo?" Caleb knelt down and grinned at her, holding his hands out for Mila to take as she began to try and bend her knees to bounce a bit.
"Mommy come," Logan pleaded, holding his hands out for Hanna, begging her to come join him. He'd tried all afternoon to get her to bounce with him and every time she'd said there were too many people on it and it wasn't safe for his new sister, but now... Now there was no one else and she didn't really have an excuse.
"Han, come on," Caleb added encouragingly, reaching a hand out for her to take. "We can be gentle, can't we?" He asked Logan.
"We be gentle Mommy," Logan agreed, feeling like the ultimate big boy as he did the best he could to help his Mommy up onto the bouncy castle.
"Thank you," She smiled at him, leaning down to press a kiss against his lips.
He pulled away from her and began to bounce up and down until Mila decided she wanted to bounce with him instead of Caleb, rushing over and almost plowing into him before they both lost their footing and fell backwards. "Careful," Caleb said as they both scrambled to get back up and start bouncing again.
"Mimi I getted a castle for you cos you're a princess," Logan said sweetly, holding her tightly.
"Do you think your new sissy's a princess too?" Hanna asked, sitting herself down against one of the walls, holding her belly as she felt the baby start to kick.
"Yes," Logan nodded determinedly. "Daddy says all Rivers are a princess. But only a girl."
"Mommy too?"
Logan grinned and nodded at Hanna, letting go of Mila to go and sit on Hanna's outstretched legs. "Careful buddy," Caleb warned again as he sat down next to her, trying not to cringe or intervene as he watched Hanna adjust the body on top of her until she was comfortable. He was not okay with her being a human bean bag.
"My babies," Hanna murmured, pressing kisses against Logan's head as Mila crawled over and tried to get in on the loving. "My little baby's all grown up."
Logan giggled as he felt his unborn sister begin to kick, "She's kicking me," He laughed, rolling off Hanna.
"It's because she knows it's your birthday," Hanna smiled, letting him push her shirt up and feel her bump.
"Hi Everly," Logan whispered against her skin as Hanna guided his hands to where she could feel their unborn baby girl kicking away.
"Mimi do you want to say hi too?" Caleb encouraged, stroking the toddler's hair as she contently stayed close to Hanna.
"No," Mila said defiantly, shaking her head.
Caleb bit back a laugh, "And why not?" He asked her, trying to pull her over onto him.
"No!" Mila yelled, clinging on tightly to Hanna's top.
"And it's Mommy's turn to be favourite today," Caleb sighed in resignation, leaving Mila be and instead leaning across her to rest his hand next to Hanna's. "Feeling better?" He asked her quietly, pressing a kiss against the side of her head. She nodded and smiled at him slightly, squeezing his hand. "Hey, birthday boy," He said, grabbing Logan's attention as he began to poke Hanna's belly. "How much do you love Mommy?"
"This much," Logan squealed, throwing his arms out before hugging Hanna.
"No," Mila practically barked, pulling Logan's hand off and trying to climb on top of her instead.
"Mila," Hanna warned her, "Why are you being grouchy?" She hushed her, "It's Lo's birthday, we don't wanna be mean to him," She said, holding her chin in her hands.
"Say sorry," Caleb said, running his hand through her curls as she looked at him and pouted as best as she could, "No," He said again, "Say sorry to Lo."
She turned to look at Logan, "Sow," She tried to get out.
"It's okay," Logan smiled at her, hugging his little sister across Hanna.
Hanna grinned and pulled them tight against her chest, "Good job," She whispered to both of them before they scrambled back to the middle and Logan continued to help Mila bounce gently. "I should go make sure everyone's got a drink."
Caleb rolled his eyes and held onto her hand as she moved to stand up, "When have our friends ever had a problem getting their own drink?"
"Never," She agreed, fighting a grin.
"You gonna tell me what's up?" He finally asked as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Not now," She tried, looking down at her lap.
"No," Caleb said defiantly, "Now's the best time. I can't deal when you pull away from me Han," He groaned, "It flips me upside down."
Hanna paused as she thought about what she wanted to say. "He's four," She whispered, already feeling like she wasn't able to control the emotion in her voice. "How did I have him four years ago?"
"It was because you had my hand to break." He tried to joke, although by her lack of reaction maybe now wasn't the right time.
"I was so scared," She mumbled. "I was 25 and felt like I couldn't even look after myself, let alone a baby."
"He's turned out pretty okay," Caleb smiled at her, brushing her hair back from her face as she finally looked up at him.
"I look at him," She sighed, wiping her eye, "I look at him and I think I have no idea what I'm doing with you," She said, starting to get emotional, "God, my stupid hormones," She muttered, "But he's so perfect and I'm here just hoping that I'm getting it right."
"You're his entire world," Caleb soothed, "He thinks you're the best Mama ever."
"Why do I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing?" She asked him tearily.
Caleb frowned at her, "With Mila?"
"We're having our third baby and I still have no idea what I'm doing," She began to cry.
"Hanna," He murmured softly, pulling her legs over his lap, "You are the best Mom, why would you ever think anything else?" He said as gently as possible. And he meant every word. "I love you."
She looked up at him and sniffled, managing a smile as he tenderly kissed her lips. "I love you too," She whispered, "So much."
"You know I love you more," He said as she cracked a grin, but her face turned stoic again.
"Do you still find me attractive?" She asked quietly and as he looked into her eyes all he saw was uncertainty. His mind raced as he tried to think when he'd given any indication that he wasn't attracted to her anymore.
"Where the hell is this coming from?" He asked, his voice full of concern. "Hanna every other woman pales in comparison to you." He said with so much emotion in his voice that for a second she actually believed him.
"Even Spencer and Aria? They don't even look like they're pregnant."
"Hanna," He held her head against his shoulder as he kissed her forehead, "You're carrying my child - there's nothing more attractive than that," He whispered before pressing a hard kiss against her lips. "Is this why you haven't been in bed with me?"
"I don't feel myself and I know that's why we haven't had sex in a week."
"We haven't had sex because I'm worried about you and all I think about is the fact that you need to sleep and relax."
"Right," She muttered.
He pulled her face up to look at him, "Hanna," He said seriously, "Listen to me. I mean it, there is nothing more attractive than you carrying a life that we made together."
"You mean that?" She asked, running her hands through his hair.
"Of course," He murmured with emotion, bringing her lips down onto his as his hands ran to her waist and ran up and down.
"Mommy," Logan whined and interrupted them, "We're tired."
"Mimi too?" Hanna pouted as he nodded at her. "Let's go put a movie on and then once everyone's gone, it's probably time for bed." Although when they all climbed off the bouncy castle and made their way up to towards the house it was only Ashley and Ted left. Everyone else had disappeared home which Hanna felt slightly grateful for as she settled Logan and Mila on the sofa with a drink of milk before putting Finding Nemo on.
"Okay big boy," Ted said, coming over to them. "We're going home now. Happy Birthday," He added, pressing a kiss against Logan's forehead and then Mila's before Ashley did the same.
"Thanks for helping clean up," Hanna said as she showed them out.
"Is everything okay now?" Ashley asked, still concerned after Hanna and Spencer's remarks earlier.
"Yeah," The blonde smiled, "It's fine." Maybe this time, she actually meant it.
Caleb found himself lingering in the hallway as he waited for Hanna to say goodnight to Logan. He'd already out their tired and grumpy toddler down, but he could hear Hanna and Logan talking about his special day and he didn't want to interrupt. Finally he heard her wish him a final "Happy Birthday," before she appeared from the darkness and gently closed the door behind her. "He's zonked," She smiled at Caleb, taking his outstretched hand as he led her back towards their bedroom.
"It's tiring being the centre of attention," Caleb grinned, turning to walk backwards and take her other hand in his too.
"I should go finish tidying up," Hanna sighed, playing with his fingers.
"No," He whispered, pulling her in front of him as they lingered in their bedroom doorway, "It can wait," He added before his lips descended on hers. It was gentle and tender, completely loving as he cupped her cheeks and made out with her like they were teenagers. They hadn't done this enough recently... He may not have realised it at the time, but he did now. And with his wife's crisis of confidence he now knew how important it was for them to spend intimate time together, just the two of them with no interruptions.
He ran his hand through her hair as his tongue gently teased her lips apart, swallowing her gasp as it connected with hers and he felt the ever familiar butterflies in his stomach. He would never get tired of kissing her. She moaned as he slanted his mouth slightly, before beginning to walk them back towards the bed as her hands gripped his shoulders to steady herself. "Caleb," She whispered as he broke apart to pull his shirt over his head.
"You're so perfect," He hushed as he began to place wet, open-mouthed kisses down her jaw. She let him start to undo the buttons on her black blouse as she reached for the zipper on his black jeans before all too soon they'd managed to get completely naked amongst a desperate urge for sporadic kisses. "You comfortable?" He asked her quietly as she lay back on the bed, him kneeling between her spread legs as his fingers teased her already wet lips.
"Uh huh," She nodded, reaching for him and pulling him down on top of her as her lips searched for his. He let his fingers probe a bit more, dipping into her as she sighed into his mouth before positioning himself to enter her. He wanted this all to be about her and he wanted it to be slow and gentle and as intimate as it could be. He wanted her to realise that he would never feel this way about anyone else.
"Good?" He asked as he teasingly ran his cock up and down her lips before slowly pressing down and pushing into her.
"Really good," She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut as he began to move on top of her. He slanted his mouth over hers again, his tongue immediately finding hers as his hands ran down her sides before grabbing hers and pulling them to rest intertwined with his above her head. "Mmm," She groaned as the angle he found sent him particularly deep.
"So beautiful," Caleb murmured against her lips as he maintained his slow pace.
"I love you," Hanna whispered as pulled his forehead down onto hers, biting her lip as their eyes met. She was craving the intimacy after today, even more so than him.
"Love you," He replied, connecting their lips again and again. Neither were aware of how long their love making lasted, but Hanna eventually felt herself beginning to move closer to the edge, the long wave of pleasure starting low in her belly, "You close?" Caleb whispered in her ear before pressing a tender kiss against the top.
"Yeah," Hanna gasped. God, she was really close and she hoped he was too. Right now she wanted to reach that place together.
"Me too," He murmured before kissing her for all he was worth. One final thrust and that was all it took for Hanna to go tumbling over the edge, her hands grasping Caleb's shoulders as he kissed her back and emptied inside of her. He loved it when they came together. "Mhmm," He groaned into her mouth as he felt her twitch and tighten around him one final time before they came to a sweaty and hot stop.
"Love you," She whispered again before he moved to his side and pulled her naked body close.
"You know how much I love you right?" He asked her as she settled on his chest.
She nodded up at him, "I do."
"Don't ever doubt that again," He told her gently, his hand caressing her cheek.
"It was just a crisis of confidence," A small smile graced her face before he smacked his lips against hers.
"If you feel like that again, you tell me alright?" He asked and she nodded, "I need to know so I can tell you how amazing you are."
"And show me," She grinned as his hand ran down to grope her naked butt.
"No more crises happening anytime soon." He whispered, unable to resist giving her one more kiss. As his lips caressed hers, for right now, another crisis of confidence was the last thing on her mind.
I hope you guys enjoyed that? A nice lil bit of smut at the end. Please review x
