CHAPTER 3.20

'Cause I've drawn regret.

From the truth of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come and wash away.

What I've done.'


Sweat coated the palms of her hands and she found herself rubbing them dry on the fabric of her grey trousers for the fifth time in the past half-hour. The dark grey vest she wore clung uncomfortably to her back and her mouth felt dry. Unable to prevent her knee from bouncing, Indiana exhaled deeply as another bout of nausea washed over her. Fidgeting with her fingers, she waited anxiously for the medic and her therapist to enter the room.

Around ten minutes ago, she had kissed Cato goodbye as she was led into a large, sterile room and asked to wait patiently until the medic entered and began her examination.

White walls closed in on her the longer she stared at them and she struggled to fight the memories of screams that threatened to suffocate her. A piercing ringing echoed inside her skull and her hands clapped on her ears in an attempt to force the sound away. Resting her head between her knees, Indiana clenched her eyes shut and focused on relaxing her muscles one-by-one. Praying that she wouldn't empty the contents of her stomach on the clean floor, she breathed deeply and focused on counting backwards from 50.

White. Everything was white. Indiana was officially sick of the colour white.

"Indiana? Are you alright, dear?" Vasha, Indiana's therapist called out.

Gasping, she raised a thumb but found herself unwilling to lift her head from its position between her legs. Moving seemed the most probably way for her upend her breakfast and she wished to avoid that as much as possible.

"You appear to be experiencing symptoms similar to that of a panic attack. I know having tests can be nerve wracking but I have the utmost confidence that you'll get through this."

Coaching herself through her breathing, Indiana tuned out the voice of the medic. Whilst she knew he was only attempting to be helpful, the soothing tone was setting her off even more but she thanked him when he handed her a glass of water. Smiling approvingly when Indiana's finally clamed down and raised her head, the medic and Vasha allowed her to finish the glass of water before attempting to discover the source of her attack.

"Yes, I'm nervous to found out whether I can be released from the hospital. "No, that didn't cause my attack." Indiana's eyes had yet to open but it didn't stop the harsh colour from piercing through her eyelids. "It's the room."

"The room?"

The lack of judgement from Vasha's tone was one of the major things Indiana had liked about her therapist; she was a caring and compassionate individual and Indiana knew she would miss some of her conversations with the older woman when she was finally cleared from insanity.

Over the duration of breakfast, Cato had spent their limited time together reassuring her that she would get through this and she would be with him before she knew it. Not only would she be deemed sane but it would also give Cato and Indiana the opportunity to start their life together. She had smiled up at him when he had kissed her on the top of the head before she entered the room where she would be tested. She had told him she was feeling positive about her chances of passing. She had faked that confidence.

Indiana hadn't the faintest idea what they would require her to do and she knew full well that she wasn't 'cured'.

Knowing that she would be disappointing Cato more than herself made facing the medic and Vasha much harder. Whilst she knew no matter the outcome, Cato would stand by her side, she also knew that he had missed her as much as she had missed him. Passing this test was something Indiana had to do for the both of them.

"Too white." Indiana panted. "Similar to the Capitol."

Apologising for the setting, there was nothing but tenderness in Vasha's tone as she explained that the colour of the room was deliberate. Being placed in a setting that replicated where she had been trapped was a part of the test to see how she could cope.

Indiana's heart sunk as she thought about how she must've already failed due to the panic attack. Noting the younger woman's expression, Vasha assured her that so far she was doing spectacularly well. Dealing with the attack herself had proven that she would handle similar situations in the future.

"That's why I didn't help you. I had to keep talking about other things to see how you would react to me," the medic explained. "To get started, we're going to hook you up to this machine and ask you a few questions. This will help us decipher whether you're answering honestly. We'll start with two test questions and you need to answer the first one honestly and then you will need to lie on the second one so you can recognise the sounds. Do you think you can do that?"

"Yes."

Sitting perfectly still, Indiana allowed them to strap wires to her temples, heart and place a cuff around her wrist (which they did delicately being mindful of her still healing wounds). Attempting to remain calm, she bit down on her lip when the erratic beating of her heart came from the monitor.

"There's no need to be nervous. You can do this," smiled the medic, patting her hand affectionately.

All of the people who had been assigned to oversee her recovery had been understanding of her situation and had supported her every step of the way. Indiana knew she would be very indebted to them and their compassion. Not only had they saved her life but they had genuinely cared about her progress.

"Is your full name Indiana Cashmere Summers?"

"Yes."

The beeping of the monitor continued with its regular beat.

"Correct. Are your eyes blue?"

Remembering she was supposed to be deliberately dishonest, Indiana lied. "No."

A loud beep echoed around the room and she flinched at the sound but the medic assured her that was supposed to happen – that was the sound that would indicate if she had lied. The small part of hope that she had clung to vanished.

Indiana was never being released from the hospital. If the monitor could detect her lie when she had remained perfectly calm, she had no hope when asked a question that caused her to panic.

Pulling out a file full of paper, the medic flicked through them until he reached the pages he needed and then informed Indiana they would begin the test.

Reading off the numerous questions, he allowed Indiana enough time to answer and take a breath before he moved onto the next one. The interrogation ranged from what she had endured in the Capitol, her experiences in the arena, her life in District One, her relationship with other people and a few random ones (such as 'do you use a bow and arrow?' and 'are you 5'3?') so as to distract her every now and again.

Despite some of the questions being difficult to answer due to it revealing information she hadn't been mentally prepared to discuss yet, Indiana breezed through each one answering honestly.

"Do you still people who aren't truly there?"

Marvel smiled encouragingly from behind the medic, shooting her a thumbs up. The grin on his face was contagious and Indiana had to fight the smile attempting to creep onto her own face. Cato's face replaced Marvel's and suddenly the man she loved was smiling at her.

"No."

Holding her breath, she watched as Vasha looked at the monitor eagerly. Yet another person Indiana was going to disappoint.

Too much time passed.

The medic glanced at the machine in front of him and waited for the monitor to beep.

"Do you feel ready to be released from the hospital?"

"Yes."

Relief flooded through her when the machine didn't beep from the second-to-last question and the medic asked his final question. Switching off the machine, the two medical officials grinned at her.

"Congratulations, you passed."

Letting out a soft laugh, Indiana beamed when Vasha pulled her in for a tight hug and praised her for the immense progress she had made since their first session. No one mentioned the dark details that had been revealed but instead commended her for making it through the dark. Vasha knew she would continue to see the blonde after some of the things that had been brought to light but at the moment, she was content with the small victory they had achieved.

A slight touch of guilt coursed through Indiana when she realised she had lied to two people who had supported her through everything. It was quickly overpowered by the joy she felt. Soon, she would wake up every morning in Cato's arms. She would sleep by his side and they would fight away the nightmares together. She wouldn't have to watch him walk away when the dinner hour ended.

Eager to share the news with her fiancé, she struggled to remain seated as they began unplugging her from the machine. The door opened and she turned to it with smile intact expecting to see Cato. The smile dropped when President Coin entered.

Since her arrival in District Thirteen, Indiana had only encountered the woman once but it had left her with a chill racing down her spine and an unexplained anger bubbling in her veins.

"I hear congratulations are in order, Miss Summers. I am aware it had been a long and arduous journey for you. Unfortunately, I have one last requirement of you before I feel comfortable with allowing you to join our ranks. I am sure you will make a great addition to the rebellion once you pass one final test."

Eyebrows furrowing, Indiana glanced at her therapist for confirmation that things would be okay but Vasha looked as equally confused. Coin hadn't informed them of this 'extra' test.

"If you would follow me, please." Coin turned on her heel and strode out the room, not caring to look whether the trembling girl was behind her.

Informing Cato that he would be reunited with Indiana shortly, Coin ordered the three people to remain seated outside the rooms as she opened another door into a dark room. Explaining to Indiana that it was merely a simulation room, Coin informed the young woman all she had to do was complete the task that presented itself. For the first time, Indiana saw Coin smile but it offered no warmth. All Indiana could see in the woman's eyes was malice.

Slamming the door shut behind her, Coin plunged the terrified and confused woman into darkness. Eyes scanning the room for an indication of what she needed to, Indiana sighed in relief when a light began approaching her. Slowly, the light morphed into a holographic image, flickering until it became more realistic and solid.

"Cato?" Indiana called out, surprised that her fiancé was in here with her.

Would they have to survive the simulation together?

Cato reached out a hand towards Indiana and she happily outstretched her own seeking comfort and security. Glancing down at his clothes, she recoiled sharply, backing away from the uniform she now associated with pain.

White armour shielded his chest and blended in with the white uniform he worse, his face was bare of the mask but seeing him made it all the more haunting.

"W-what a-are you doing?" She whimpered as he stalked towards her raising the baton.

Raising the weapon above his head, Cato didn't answer but his eyes narrowed at her as he brought the weighted object down. Barely registering what was happening, Indiana was unable to assume a fighting stance and had just enough time to protect her head with her arms. Letting out a shriek of pain when the truncheon made contact with the bone, she swore deeply when she processed the scenario. Pain reverberated down her arms and she scrambled to get away from him.

"You know you deserve this, Indiana. Defying the Capitol has consequences," the voice came out of Cato's mouth but was almost unrecognisable.

It lacked his compassion – no, it lacked any human emotion whatsoever.

"This isn't you." Indiana protested, reaching for his hand only to be backhanded across the cheek.

"Shut it. You really are pathetic, aren't you?" Another blow, physically and emotionally. "You deserve to be punished."

Pleading for him to remember who he truly was, Indiana begged Cato to stop hurting her.

"So weak," he hissed in disgust. "The great Indiana Summers, begging. Where's that fight in you that people boasted about? You're nothing."

"You're better than this."

A switch flipped behind his eyes and the beautiful blue was sucked away. Staring into eyes full of dark hate, Indiana couldn't help the sob that bubbled past her lips. It was hopeless.

"There is no better than this." Cato spat. "The Capitol will always be the most powerful."

Grunting when a booted foot smashed her in the stomach, Indiana curled up into a protective ball and gasped for air. Crawling away from the source of her pain, she screeched when he gripped a fistful of her hair and dragged her across the floor. Flipping her onto her back, his fist smashed her in the face. A burning sensation spread across her face when she heard the bone in her nose crack.

Cowering on the floor, Indiana felt her temper rise as she protected herself from each heavy blow. Years of training kicked in and her legs instinctively swung across the floor. A loud thud signalled that Cato's legs had been swept out from under him and he landed in a heap on the floor. Sat on his chest, Indiana pinned his arms to the floor but knew from experience in numerous training sessions that he could easily knock her off him. Quickly grabbing the gun holstered to his hip, she jumped off him and trained the gun on his form before he had time to react.

"Shoot him." Coin's cold voice raised the hairs on Indiana's arms.

"What?" Indiana exclaimed. "I can't do that."

Previously, her feet had been planted on the floor and she had started down the enemy. Now her resolve fell away when Cato groaned in pain and the gun wavered slightly when she remembered that no matter the costume, the man on the floor at her feet was her fiancé whom she loved and had died for. Wishing to run to him and apologise for hurting him, she tensed when Cato glared murderously at her as he clambered to his feet. Returning to her offensive stance, her lip wobbled as he stared at her.

"You heard me, shoot him."

Staring at the man she loved, Indiana knew she had no other option.

Cato had turned.

The Capitol had brainwashed him into being another mindless monster and he was no longer fighting for the freedom of the people – he was murdering the people.

"You have to do it, Indiana."

"You're just saying that because your love for me would be easier for you with him gone." Indiana whispered back, eyes barely flickering to look at Marvel.

"I'm saying that because this isn't real." Marvel deadpanned. "When have I ever lied to you?"

Taking a deep breath, Indiana aimed straight in the middle of his forehead, watching as terror pooled in his blue eyes and his forehead crinkled in shock.

"Do it." Marvel whispered in her ear.

"Come on, Indie, baby. Don't do this. You would be lost without me, baby. You can't kill me. You love me."

"Except the real Cato loves me back."

Closing her eyes, she squeezed the trigger and listened for the impact. Dull lights flickered on and she blinked a few times to adjust to the reality of her settings. Dull grey walls surrounded her matching the concrete floor.

She was alone.

Cato's body wasn't in a heap on the floor, bleeding out. The injuries she had sustained from his beatings had disappeared. Unclenching her fingers, she realised the gun was no longer in her hands.

None of it had been real.

Collapsing into an exhausted lump on the floor, Indiana was struggling to process what she had just done. Burying her head into her hands, she growled when the indifferent voice filled the room once more.

"Welcome to District Thirteen, Soldier Summers."


'Put to rest what you thought of me.

While I clean this slate.

With the hands of uncertainty.

So let mercy come and wash away.

What I've done.'