Warning; This chapter has depressing material.
"Okay. What part of 'keep an eye on Angelwing', was not clear to you two?" a very annoyed Canard asked Marcel and Thom, with his boot tapping impatiently.
The twins didn't say anything to the furious duck.
"I give you two one job. ONE. JOB! And you don't even acknowledge me?"
"Sir, I can explain-"
"Lieutenant. Do NOT. Interrupt me!"
Danielle watched the scene unfold from the doorway. She felt guilt and dread pool from her heart to her stomach. To her, It wasn't fair for the McMallards to receive all the blame. She was the one who asked to leave, not them asking her to leave. Thom and Marcel should not be blamed for her wrong doings. And she didn't care if she got punished, she wasn't going to let anyone get in trouble on account of her. With her mind made up Danielle took a deep breath, walked forward, and moved between the three drakes, with a stern face.
"What good are you guys-!"
"It wasn't their fault, Sir!"
"Angelwing-"
"I went off on my own.' Danielle explained. 'I asked them if I could look for missing soldiers. And they said I could. I was just following their orders. If you want to bite someone's head off, bite off mine." 'It's the least I deserve.'
The brown-feathered duck did not respond to her outburst. He wasn't trying to sound angry, even if he sounded so. Though a part of of him was upset that Danielle was alone for a while. Then, Canard sighed. "I'm not biting anyone's head off, Angelwing. The McMallards shouldn't have let you go off on your own, but... But no one disregarded orders. I was just ... Worried."
Danielle paused. She really thought he was angry. But still, she shouldn't have snapped. "Yes, Sir. I'm sorry Sir." She replied, growing sheepish.
"At ease, Angelwing.' The Commander's voice broke the there he was standing in the doorway. 'Lieutenant."
"Yes, sir?" Thom replied.
"The captain and I shall receive your report when we gather the squad."
"Yes, Sir."
"And as for you Angelwing, you're dismissed."
"Yes, Commander. Goodnight." Danielle replied, looking at the commander with a straight face. But as she walked out of the room, she was looking at the floor guiltily.
Later, Thom and Marcel met up with Canard, along with one of the original squad, to give their report on their mission and subsequent casualties.
The female duck held her head high, despite looking worse-for-wear and covered in blood that was not her own. "We would have evacuated after successfully retreating from the Saurian Patrol, sir, but we had already lost three and with Bluefoot down, we ... we did not think he would survive the trip, sir."
Canard nodded to her solemnly. "Understood, Sergeant. You did everything you could for Bluefoot, as well as those on the battlefield."
The Commander sighed with a defeated look on his face. "This is grave news,' he replied. '...very grave."
The Sergeant sniffed and blinked rapidly, but did not otherwise respond to their comments.
"Go get cleaned up and get some rest," Canard finally added. "You're dismissed."
Not long after the group dispersed, the Commander addressed the younger drake. "I owe you an apology, Son. Angelwing wasn't entirely ready for field duty." Canard remained respectfully silent.
For the next few hours, Danielle was very quiet. This outing was...horrible, just horrible. 'Canard,' She thought. 'is this what you go through? Death around every corner?" Then a thought came to her...what if her friends here was killed in battle? Especially... She just couldn't forgive herself if anything happened to them, or letting Bluefoot die. Before she succumbed to her drowsiness, the mean voice plaguing her thoughts decided to come in. "You useless little fool! Did you truly think you could help anyone?"
As days went by, it seemed like the cream colored dolly was a different one. Her eyes were as cold and hard as the ice that was perfect for hockey. She worked in the med bay with a blank stare and no words. It was very eerie, and it worried her comrades. They would try to help her, but she would ignore their advances. While Danielle knew they wanted to help, at the same time it irritated her. She didn't deserve any help.
One medic that was rather polite to her tried to ask her what was bothering her. But while he only wanted to help, Danielle just dismissed him,though guilty about it afterwards. On the third day, Canard decided to talk to her himself. He found her in the gym, punching at her shadow on the wall. He stepped up to her, about to say something, when she turned around she had a haggard look on her face.
"Captain, please. I'm not in the mood."
"...For what?"
"I know I messed up. Bluefoot needed me, and I was useless."
"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked in surprise, watching as she went back to practicing. He paused, beak open, then lifted an eyebrow in sudden understanding. "Wait a minute, is that what you've been so upset about?"
Danielle didn't answer him right away. When she saw him staring at her, arms crossed, she turned around to face him quickly. "They needed a medic and I did nothing for them."
"They didn't need a medic, Danielle; they knew Bluefoot was already gone."
"...Please don't say that..." Danielle replied hoarsely.
She clearly didn't want to have another fight with Canard, but how was she gonna make him see? It was clearly her fault. While Canard, behind his tough exterior, didn't want to have another fight with Danielle either, but he wanted to make her understand. This was beyond her control.
Canard sighed, "Danielle-"
"Please. I just want to be alone..."
Canard took in a deep breath, watching her. Eventually, however, he nodded. "All right. I'll leave you be."
Danielle nodded back to him as a sign of thanks, but kept her gaze on the floor before returning her focus on her exercises. The captain watched her for a few seconds before heading to the exit.
He hesitated at the doorway and turned back around. "Danielle?"
She paused, reluctantly looking back at him.
"It isn't always about saving them. Sometimes..." he trailed off, glancing away briefly as he tried to find his words. "Sometimes it's about letting them know it's okay to go."
He didn't wait for a response, and instead turned and exited the gym.
That night after Danielle got off work, she went straight to the bunk rooms. Too upset to have dinner in the mess hall. She was wishing she could've done more to save Bluefoot. And if she lost anyone else, those who've treated her kindly. The last time she lost someone, she was powerless to save 'her' was when she was young. Danielle never wanted to feel that way again. But now...
'Why couldn't I have been finished off during the invasion?' She thought miserably. 'Surely death would be more welcoming than this...But why do I even bother to keep going?'
That was a good question, why does she keep on living? No matter how many times she thought of giving up on everything, even life itself, she just doesn't go through with that. But why?
"Angelwing?" said a voice.
