CHAPTER 6 / Break

October 30th, 2011 / Afternoon
2nd Floor Classroom

If you've never had an anxiety attack…it's kind of hard to explain. Think of it as being completely unable to control your emotions. Imagine a circuit board being dropped in water while it was in use. Except this time its your brain…for some reason or another an anxiety attack is typically associated with various differing reasons but occasionally the brain will react to something illogically. A panic attack doesn't need a reason to cause a reaction. Some people start crying for no particular reason…others start shaking and in a lot of cases believe they have had trouble breathing. However there is not a single thing wrong with them physically…it could be a chemical imbalance or the brain misinterpreting information. Or something completely psychological in nature.

Well, it could be a lot of things, but I know I hadn't had one as bad as I did yesterday in quite some time. More than likely it was all the stress of the upcoming performance or even the whole Persona thing catching up to me. It's hard to say but I feel a ton better today. What made me feel pretty good right now was what the guys were about to be forced to do. Though I usually wouldn't find entertainment in something like this...it was different because these were my friends.

Still...as a result of how things happened...Rise and I never went to check out Yu and the rest of their classes Cultural Festival showcase or events. Apparently they had done something called a Blind Date cafe...whatever that was supposed to be. Taken from Yosuke's objection to talk about it...it hadn't turned out well. But Yukiko had instead just started cracking up laughing and couldn't manage to say anything about it. Yu, on the other hand, said it was a lot of fun. Chie just shook her head and walked off when I asked her.

Right now, Yosuke was having to deal with the price of him signing up the girls for the beauty pageant.

"Ikakure-senpai, are you here to laugh at us?" Yosuke said as I sat down at one of the tables of the junior's classroom.

"Partially," I chuckled.

"Why didn't you sign up, Senpai?" Yosuke directed this to Chie.

"Because, it was his idea to sign you guys up," Chie grinned.

"You traitor!" Yosuke glared over at me which made me laugh.

"I only gave her the idea…it's your fault for not realizing there are two pageants and that the same thing you did could be redirected at you," I shrugged. "Besides why should Kujikawa and I be the only ones going on stage? This way no one gets out of being in front of the crowd." Strangely enough the fact that all my friends would be forced on stage was somewhat reassuring.

"C'mon, Kanji-kun. Over here!" Rise waved down the big freshman towards her. She had already detailed to me what she would be doing to Kanji. Since he had bleached blond hair she would be going for a Marilyn Monroe look. Probably going above and beyond what she needed too...but knowing that...I wonder how Kanji would act or respond to it.

"Don't worry, Yu-kun, I won't hurt you," Yukiko seemed to have Yu flagged down. I noticed that the two of them are often standing next to each other often as of late. Or maybe it was just me…I hadn't really known them that long...it only been just over two weeks since they had rescued me. And I was no good at relationships, friendship or otherwise to begin with. Well...I mean the two of them were a bit obvious...considering Rise and I had seen them together a few times outside of Investigation Team meetings. And their interactions together showed a level of comfort between them that he didn't share with any of the other girls...or Yukiko had with any of the other guys.

"What about me? It turns out I'm entering too. I must win this contest to see my dream realized!" It was Teddie. I hadn't even realized he was there. Maybe it was just odd to see him out of that bear suit. Naoto had explained a little about what they knew about Teddie. He was interesting that is for sure. But it had to be rough not knowing exactly what you were. They had also gotten health exams to try and determine if the TV World or Persona had any detrimental effects on them. That was when they found out that nothing showed up in Teddie's scans...they had no idea about what Teddie was. Well they also seemed to believe that their equipment had been malfunctioning...didn't want any doctor taking too much of an interest in Teddie anyway.

"He seemed bored, so we signed him up as a last-minute contestant," Yosuke shrugged as he walked over to Chie.

"So you're making him suffer too, huh…?" Chie raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, if he's been signed up, there's nothing we can do about it. Naoto-kun, can you lend us a hand? We'll leave Teddie to you."

"M-me?" Naoto seemed genuinely surprised. She looked over to me.

"Why not? They can't ask me, I know a little about makeup but I can only turn him into a Goth…not a girl," I laughed. Despite Naoto's looks she was still a girl and probably knew a thing or two more about fashion than I did.

"The Naoto-Teddie team's unstoppable!" Teddie proclaimed as he made his way towards Naoto. Well it was nice to see someone enthused about the day's first event.

"Well then, um…" Naoto was looking over Teddie, perhaps wondering where to start.

"First, I need some dazzling makeup!" Teddie said with a huge smile.

"Y-You're right. I'll go borrow a makeup kit from someone…" Naoto said as she suddenly left the room.

"Wait! The battle begins by choosing the right equipment!" Teddie was quick to run after her.

I started laughing and got to my feet. I made my way to the door.

"Leaving, Senpai?" Rise asked from across the room. Her attention was on her makeup application on Kanji but she clearly had been paying attention to me. I knew why...she was still worried about yesterday. She had never dealt with someone that had anxiety attacks before.

"Yeah, I'm going to double check the piano and sound equipment for the show. I need to do a sound test before the cross dressing pageant starts. Don't worry I can handle it on my own," I said with a slight wave. At least at the moment I would go relatively unnoticed...until after the performance.

"Wait, Senpai," Rise stopped the makeup application on Kanji and crossed over the room to me. She handed me a couple of makeup items. I eyed her for a moment. "You brought what I asked, right?"

"Well yeah…are you sure that's how you want me to dress?" I was unsure about the decision she had made about what we would be wearing. She had already shown me what she would be wearing...but to show the whole school that...about how I liked to dress...and to tie my connection to Rise publicly in such a way...

She dropped her voice a bit before she spoke again, and looked directly into my eyes as she did so. "Yeah, I want to show all of them who the real you is…I know you're nervous but…" Rise gave me a small smile…I honestly had no idea the thoughts that were going on in her mind at this time. After a long moment I sighed which made her frown slightly. "Remember we talked about..."

"Don't worry, I'm not planning to back out, okay? No matter what happens, I'll see myself through this," I gave her my promise before this but she was obviously concerned about what had happened to me yesterday. I could have another anxiety attack while we are on stage, but the real goal was for me to get through the performance. After that, it didn't matter. Just one step at a time was just what I had to keep telling myself.

"Alright, I will see you soon then," Rise smiled and made her way back to Kanji. I left the room and headed my way towards the gym where the stage was.

I was glad that I was doing better today. Maybe I just felt better after having such a release of emotions yesterday. Still Rise had seen yet another side of me. She saw more of me than anyone ever has, and yet she was still around. I really need to stop thinking about it; all it did was wind me in circles. I had no idea what to think of the situation between the two of us to begin with. I was definitely not any good with relationships...or friends.

I entered the gym and headed towards the stage. Looks like they were running some last minute sound tests themselves. The pageant wasn't for another hour but they would be letting in soon. I made my way up the stairs and to the back stage. I was going to be using the upright piano from the music room for the performance. And with a teacher's permission I had tuned it to ensure that it would be up to the task for the performance. While it wasn't as nice as the one at home it didn't lack in sound quality. But the acoustics of the gym were nowhere near as good as it is in the studio. Then again it wasn't like the gym was made with the intentions of musical performances. Even the music room in the school didn't have nearly as good acoustics as it should have. Then again, my Mom was pretty picky about environments meant to handle performances. Still she also wanted me to consider making the best of what I had to deal with. In what way could I maximize the music I was going to be performing? An artist should always want to display their craft as perfectly as possible at every single performance. That was the difference between a musician that loved their craft...and a hobbyist that simply liked to play every once in a while. I didn't think their was anything wrong with the latter but I was more like the former. I think Mom knew that.

I ended up having to make some of the arrangements for the show but most of it had been directed by Rise. It was much easier for her to get permission and get things set up because compared to her I was just an unknown. A good student that talked to nobody. I never did clubs or anything of the sort…so I was just labeled of that kid in dark hair that focuses on his school work. I was fine with things being like that. Although I hear there was talk about me when I had disappeared. Being someone that had never missed a day of school…I guess it was natural for some to wonder where I was when my seat was empty. Yet there had only been some casual comments made to me when I did return...and only a few more after Dojima-san had interrupted mid-terms to ask me a couple questions about my kidnapping. That definitely gave me some more attention.

I double checked the piano and the microphones I had set for our use. Everything looked good but I wouldn't be able to do my sound test until later. It was just as well. Technically I would have had to do it later anyway before the performance depending on if the person in charge of sound screwed with the settings during the cross dressing pageant. I sat down in front of the piano. Was I really going to go through with this?

Rise had assured me last night when we were walking home that the moment I started to play that I would be okay. And for some reason I believed her. I shouldn't be that surprised though. With all the time I had spent with her…I was beginning to feel depressed thinking about the fact that she would no longer be coming over to my house. There was no need for it after all. Not after today. The performance would be done...there would be no rehearsing...

I was really spending too much time dwelling on this thought. I heard the notice from the stage manager that people were starting to enter so I got back to my feet and somewhat satisfied with the set up at the piano. Time was slowly dwindling down to the performance. I made my way out from back stage and to the incoming crowd, taking a spot along the wall on the other side of the doors. My mind was too focused on my own upcoming time on the stage.

"Man, I can't believe how many people signed up for this cross dressing pageant. There were only two people last year," some student and a couple of his friends were speaking pretty loud next to me. Then again considering how loud it got as more people came into the gym I couldn't blame them for their volume level. I only was hearing them because of my proximity to them.

"If anything it should be good for a few laughs," another of the group added. Yeah...I guess a 'drag' act was always taken as more a comedy than anything serious...but see someone do a crazy good job and...well the reaction is quite different. I wonder how good they'll turn out to be.

"Forget that man…That mysterious musical performance is happening after this. I heard it is one of the seniors," the third in their group interrupted. I hadn't really tried to listen in until I heard this. So rumors had evolved to include the fact that one of them was a senior. Which I was.

"Oh yeah? I heard it was a duet of some sort," the first guy added. I raised an eyebrow at this, had that much information actually gotten out? Well...the teachers knew about it so it was likely that someone might have overheard them.

"So a senior and…who else?" the second asked. A senior was pretty vague though...that didn't really tell them anything.

"One has to be Risette, right?" the third guy's voice was a little too hopeful. From the beginning it was always assumed that Risette was part of the performance...because it was obvious. So they basically already knew what was going to happen then. Well mostly...

"Wouldn't that mean that she hooked up with some senior?" the first pointed out. This statement probably worried me the most.

"Oh man…way to smash my dreams. I didn't think she went for older guys," the third guy now sounded completely deflated. Wait...did Rise prefer older guys? No, way. Besides it hardly mattered at this point...We were brought together because of a murder case and kidnapping...something we've both experienced...without that I would have probably never known she was in this town...or that Rise was actually born here. There was still a lot I didn't know about her...that was hardly material for someone in contention to be dating material...which I am not. I was hardly worth being friends with...considering how much more I still hadn't told her.

"Dude, you've never even talked to her. What made you think YOU had a chance," the second guy laughed.

Then the subject of their conversation came bouncing right up to me. "Senpai, come over here with the rest of the girls." Rise was wielding that trademark smile that I just couldn't get enough of...I'm pretty sure it should be illegal to wield a smile that deadly.

"Oh Kujikawa, didn't realize you guys had gotten here," I said as I tried to shake off the conversation I had overheard. They had probably seen that she had approached me, I was standing pretty close to them after all. I couldn't stand romor mill talk anyway. I had enough trouble dealing with what was actually happening to me to care about others. Although I did care about the other members of the Investigation Team...and that alone was a pretty big adjustment for me.

"Come on," she smiled and led me a bit into the crowd where Chie, Naoto and Yukiko were waiting. I was pretty sure those two guys were staring at me as I walked off with her but it hardly mattered. Now it was time to see the girls work in action.

"So how did they all turn out?" I asked the girls. Each one had a proud look when they looked at me...the only one that seemed skeptical was Naoto who had been volunteered at the last moment.

"You'll just have to see with everyone else," Chie grinned.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" a voice erupted over the sound system and I looked up to see a junior with a pink afro on his head. Man I really didn't know anybody in this school. "We now begin the second day of the Culture Festival with the ever-popular "Miss" Yasogami Pageant! Let's get right down to it and introduce our first contestant! She's a runaway express train who's Inaba born and bred, and can kill with both her fists and her looks! Presenting Kanji-chan from first-year Class 3!"

It looked like Rise take using Marilyn Monroe for inspiration had turned out better than I thought...well maybe. Wearing the trademark white dress and the hair style was done pretty well too…but Kanji had his usual look on his face and it ruined the entire image…and the makeup may not have been thick enough. His muscle's were too well defined so overall...it was Kanji himself, not necessarily the work Rise did that made this hard to look at. Well his demeanor wasn't helping either.

"'Sup!" Kanji proclaimed in his usual manner. The crowd's reaction was not out of what was expected.

"Gyaaaaaaah!" I heard a girl not too far off from me. "That's so creepy!"

"This is wrong on every level," said one of the guys I had overheard earlier. Kanji wasn't one to care too much about this though...he seemed okay with how he turned out. And...well...they were expecting this kind or response from the beginning.

The announcer quickly refocused the crowd's attention, "Now, don't rip me apart for asking, but…What would you say is your best feature?"

"…My eyes?" Kanji didn't sound too confident though. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking about. But then again he wasn't really one that was against this whole thing. Eyes were a bit of a safe answer, I guess. Unless he legitimately thought so. He was in a lot better shape than most guys his age though...but his reasons for being so were apparently not something he was proud of. But I only heard a bit of a short version of it from Kanji. He told me before he'd like to tell me more about it but it was kinda hard with everything going on. Which was true.

"Whoa! A conventional answer from this all too un-conventional beauty!" The announcer legitimately seemed to be enjoying himself. "After such a strong start, I don't know how much of a chance the others have, but here's our second contestant! An eloquent heiress of the noble Junes, she's pure disappointment from the moment she opens her mouth! Presenting Yosuke-chan of the second year Class 2!"

I don't think the announcer should add fuel to the fire. Yosuke had already made it clear he hadn't wanted to do this. Yosuke came out in a girl's school uniform. I was more curious as to what school it had come from because it was different then Yasogami's uniforms. Yosuke at least made a half-hearted attempt to be in character unlike Kanji, "H-hi." Had Chie gotten like a Halloween costume or something for this? Well...Halloween was tomorrow after all so it was probably pretty easy to find stuff for this.

"Holy crap," a girl nearby commented. "And here I thought Yosuke-senpai could pull it off!" The comment actually surprised me...well I suppose if Yosuke had wanted to do it it would have been better.

"You should have gone with a wig, Satonaka. Using his natural hair just breaks the whole illusion," I commented. Most of it was that his hair gave away exactly who he was...wigs always went a long way to sell an illusion on a stage.

"Yeah, I wish I had gotten one but I didn't think about it," Chie legitimately seemed disappointed. As she seemed to be looking closer on her work. "Yeah, you're right Ikakure-senpai…it probably would have made the outfit."

"Notes for next year," I grinned.

"You have such wonderful ideas, Senpai," Chie's mind must have already moved on to future plans. Of course that would mean that Yosuke would do the same thing to her again next year. Her and Yosuke had a...unique relationship it seemed.

"Now you look ready to win in that outfit…Do you often dress like this?" The announcer teased.

"Hell no!" Yosuke's answer was immediate and loud. He looked out to the crowd and his gaze must have crossed Chie's because he backpedaled a bit. "Uh… *cough* Like, no way!"

That might have been a little much but at least he put in the effort. More than I could have ever pulled off.

Kanji and Yosuke where whispering to each other as the announcer moved on to introduce the next guy.

"I've already had about enough of this, but there's is still more to come! Up next, our third contestant! She has the mildly bitter tang of the city, and she's made more girls cry than there are stars in the sky! Presenting our transfer student who's been breaking hearts in the second-year Class 2, Yu-chan!" The announcer did sound like he was losing steam. That might have been just Yosuke's non-compliance to the event coming through...well he was somewhat trying but it was obvious he didn't want to be there.

"Wow, nice job Amagi," I commented as Yu came onto the stage. "He's a full on yandere."

"Thanks…but I don't think I made him look that cute though," Yukiko seemed dissatisfied.

"Yeah it doesn't quite come off as cute but…" I tried to come up with a word to describe it.

"N-no more!" a girl next to us groaned.

"S-senpai!? Why are you doing this!?" another girl shouted.

"Whoa…I thought he was cooler than that…" a guy added. This is exactly why I could never do something like this. Although people didn't really think much of me anyway. Actually, I didn't care what people thought of me...I just wanted to limit interactions with people as much as possible.

"Sounds like your entrance is causing quite a stir! Did you sign yourself up?" the announcer asked.

Yu looked like he considered it for a moment. Pinning the blame on the girls would definitely at least do something in terms of face saving but he seemed to push that thought aside. "That's right."

"Wow! How bold!" the announcer must have gotten his motivation back. "Our last contestant is a random, unaffiliated entrant! She's a friend of our other "beauties"! Calling herself "King of the TV World," she's cute, sexy little number! Give a warm welcome to Teddie-chan!"

The surprise of the crowd was something to behold. Teddie came skipping across the stage in something that even had me blinking. "Shirogane…how did you pull this off? Where did you even get that dress from?"

"Well I found some stuff from the drama club and well it just all sort of fell together," Naoto quickly tried to deflect it away from her.

"Gimme your hearts," Teddie proclaimed as he pointed out to the crowd.

I sighed heavily…"Well to be honest I'm not too surprised he'd pull it off like this."

"Huh!? That's a boy!? But he's so cute!" one of the same girls from earlier was equally as shocked as everyone else.

"I'd hit it," a guy said which the more amazing thing is that no one said anything in response to his comment.

"Alright everyone, place your votes! We'll break for a few moments while it's tallied up," The announcer stated as the lights on the stage turned off and the normal lights in the gym went up.

"It will probably take them a while," I sighed. "Kujikawa, should we go change or wait?"

"Well you can if you want, Senpai. I'll wait till before we go on. I don't want people to know I'm performing until the last possible second," Rise shrugged. "So who are you going to vote for?"

"Pfft, Teddie won that no contest," I laughed.

"Yeah, I think you're right. I probably should have went with something that better hid Kanji's muscles…instead I think it just over emphasized that he was a guy," Rise sighed. Well I had to agree with her there…although she hadn't done a bad job…it just hadn't been the right fit for Kanji.

"Well, just sign him up next year and give it another shot," I grinned.

"Yeah, we'll definitely take home the prize next time," Rise smiled.

"Alright everyone, it's time to declare the winner!" The announcer took the attention as the lights came back on the stage. I guess I hadn't even noticed that twenty minutes had gone by. That meant my performance was quickly approaching. Which didn't do me any favors as I started to get nervous. "And the winner of this year's "Miss" Yasogami Pageant is… The random contestant who won everyone's hearts, Ms. Teddie! As our champion, Ms. Teddie will receive a very special prize… Later this afternoon, we will be hosting the Miss Yasogami Pageant, with actual beauties this time! Your reward is a position as an honorary judge in that pageant!"

"Woohoo!" Teddie started jumping up and down.

"Not everyone can get excited over a judge position," Chie said with a chuckle.

"Seeing him happy kind of makes me happy…" Yukiko added.

"Yeah, he's like over the top innocent," Rise smiled.

I shook my head at the girls. "Are we talking about the same Teddie? Aren't you the least bit concerned about him being the judge for your guy's pageant?"

"What do you mean?" the girls looked at me questioningly. Seriously? Did they forget about how Teddie acted normally around the girls?

"Well then, Ms. Teddie, how does it feel to have won the pageant and become a judge?" the announcer brought their attention back to the stage.

"Hmhmhm… The long-awaited day has finally come! I decree that one of the judging criteria later this afternoon will be… Tadaaaaa! A swimsuit competition!" Teddie proudly proclaimed. All the girls jaws dropped.

"Told you," I said shaking my head.

"Wh-Wh-What the hell!? Over my dead body!" Chie was the first to finally speak.

"Aww, I didn't bring a swimsuit!" Rise said looking over to me.

"You mean you aren't mad about this?" I asked.

"I have posters of me in a bikini plastered all over japan, why would I worry about this?" she countered.

"I guess you have a point," I said looking over to Yukiko who seemed to be fuming. Being in a bikini and having a bunch of people pointing camera's and other things probably made something like this less intimidating.

"That bear needs to be disappeared…" the junior in red grumbled. Oh Teddie…I hope you enjoy the last moments of your life. These girls weren't going to forget what you put them through.

"Well, I doubt he has the authority to declare that unilaterally," Naoto spoke hoping to ease her own tension.

"I wouldn't count on that," I said as I noticed the teacher involved getting a big grin on her face. "I wonder if Yosuke knew what he was doing by entering Teddie."

"Alright everyone! The real Miss Yasogami Pageant will be starting in an hour…but before that we have a mystery music performance! Will be back in about fifteen minutes!" The announcer proclaimed before heading off the stage. That got the crowd talking again.

"Good luck you two," Chie said, temporarily forgetting about the swimsuit issue.

"Yeah we better go get changed," Rise said as she moved next to me. "Come on, Senpai. We'll go out to the hall. One of the teachers showed me a back way to the stage so they won't see us."

"Wait what about the stage?" I asked.

"Don't worry. Yu-senpai said he would get everything ready for us." Rise quickly explained as the two of us made our way out to the hallway. We made our way around and into an empty room. Our clothes sitting on one side of the room. Fortunately there was a curtained off area so we could change. I guess this place would get double duty now with the girls having to do a swimsuit contest.

"Kujikawa…I…" I saw my hand shaking as I picked up my first garment. The thought of me going on that stage was now consuming all my other thoughts.

"Ikakure-senpai," she said softly. I hadn't heard her say my name for a long while, lately it had been just Senpai...still her simply saying my name had an odd calming affect. She stepped towards me and smiled. The one I never seemed to get enough of. Rise broke it down to something simple. "All you have to do is go out there and start playing. I'll be with you the whole time. And don't worry, I'm nervous too."

"You nervous?" I asked as I watched her disappear behind the curtain with her change of clothes. I mean I understand that all performers got nervous before a show. That was just natural. But Rise seemed so confident most of the time...if not just worried more about others than herself.

"Just because I've been an Idol doesn't mean I'm immune to pre-show jitters," she giggled from behind the curtain.

"How do you deal with it then?" I double checked all my things while waiting for Rise to finish up.

"I don't know if I can name anything specifically. What is important is that I get out on that stage and start. Once I'm out on the stage…I can forget everything else. Once we're out there and you start playing, I think you'll understand. All you have to do is what we've done every night, alright?" Rise stepped out revealing her outfit to me again. I had only seen it the one time when she ended up staying at my place during the thunderstorm that had happened. Seeing her in it had just reminded me of that night. Her sitting in my room with me as she told me about how they had learned about him and coming to rescue me from the TV world. "You like this outift...don't you, Senpai?" She giggled and twirled for me. "Zip me up?" She indicated her back.

Nervously I stepped to her and fumbled with the zipper for a moment before finally pulling it up, careful that her hair didn't get caught in it. She turned towards me and smiled once more. She started to reach her hand to me but stopped. I'm sure she just wanted to comfort me in some way but right now I wasn't sure if touching me was the best plan. Instead she just indicated me towards the curtained off area. "Hurry and get changed. I want you to double check my makeup…so I'll do that while you get ready. We only got ten minutes left," Rise said as she gathered up my clothes and shoved them into my arms.

I didn't resist and closed the curtains and started to get changed. Was I really going to do this? To perform in front of the whole school? My invisible existence would cease to be after this moment. Yet I felt that I had to do this. Like I wouldn't be able to take a step forward if I didn't. And a part of me...wanted to impress Rise. I think I was most confused about that than anything else. I quickly changed...we didn't have much time...this was definitely not a time to think too heavily about this.

After a few moments I stepped out of the changing room and looked over as Rise was applying her makeup. I went over to her and started working on my own. Black eye shadow…some base makeup so the stage lights didn't turn me into a ghost. And both Rise and I were dressed in a Victorian Gothic style from head to toe. I was dressed in more formal looking clothes than I had showed her before. And the only thing that really made it Gothic was the style, which overall had a darker tone than was often associated with the Victorian age.

Rise was in a Gothic style dress that was layered with ruffles and had a red outline on most of it. It was incredibly different than what she normally wore…and definitely had never worn something like this in her time as an Idol. The top part of the dress was actually a corset. The shoulders were ruffled as well and despite it the dress as a whole managed to look elegant yet the colors just evoked a darker tone just like my own outfit. How much money had she spent on this? She looked amazing in it...and I could hardly keep my eyes off of her even though I was doing my own makeup.

"This could change things for both of us," I said as I slipped on my claw ring. The thought slipped out so naturally that it took me a moment to register what I had said in my own head.

"Our lives have already changed. Let the world think what it wants. This performance is just for us," Rise said with a smile. She had said that before...that the performance was just for us. I wasn't sure I entirely knew what she meant by this though.

"For us?" I stopped what I was doing and looked over at her. She was right...looking at that brilliant smile...I realized just how different things had become in such a short amount of time. Maybe it was why all of this felt so weird to me. I hadn't really adjusted to it since I came back from my kidnapping. But how could anyone adjust to it?

Rise looked up at the clock and then to me, "Time's up, Senpai." She said this softly and kept that smile on her face as we both got up. We moved to the door and opened it seeing that it went to the stage...this was actually the music room that connected directly with the stage...Drama also used this room which is also why the Music club had a different room for practicing. Every step I took...I could hear my heartbeat get louder and louder.

I made my way across the stage and saw that everything was in place. Stopping at the edge of the curtain, I made the motion for the announcer to introduce us. It was finally time to see if I could really pull this off. For some reason I felt the urge to just dart towards the piano to start playing.

"Alright, everyone the mystery performance is set to begin. I'm not sure who we have in store for us but let's give them a big round of applause!" The announcer said as he left the stage and the crowd began to applause. A spotlight appeared over the piano and it was my cue to make my entrance.

"I'll be right here...all you have to do is start," Rise whispered. I didn't dare look back at her...instead I walked out, onto the stage.

I took my time with each step, and with every step I took, the nerves melted away and replaced with the anticipation of playing the piano. I could hear the sound of some of the students in the crowd.

"Ikakure-kun?" the voice was from someone that recognized me.

I sat at the piano and allowed myself a moment to run my hands along the keys without pressing them. The piano was a source of solace an escape from the things that happened in my life. That's right...all I had to do is play...it didn't matter who watched...I just had to play the music. I positioned my hands, and hit the first note. All the noise of the crowd ceased and was replaced by the sound of the piano. My hands danced on the keys as I played the intro to the song. I had extended the intro of it to leave the audience guessing as to if this was the entire performance…and as it built passed the intro I wonder what the reaction was when I began to sing. But to me...they no longer existed...now it was just me and the piano. This was a song tentatively named "This is me."

Me: "So this is me
In the dead of night
And how I wonder why I continue with this life
There lies my pride
Buried to never be seen again
But I'm sure they'll surface before I die

When the day finally breaks
Its light will never reach me
There is no one left to care for me
Love is but a fairy tale of a life that's gone"

The music kept a light steady tempo that emphasized the loneliness and pain that my part is supposed to invoke. Even the way I sung was supposed to provide meaning of sorrow that words alone could not fully express. To me these words rang more true than any one individual would ever know. As I began to play into the next part, no one saw Rise slowly entering from one side of the stage. But it wasn't her time to join into the song just yet. The tempo picked up ever so slightly as I began to sing again.

Me: "Death is all that resides here
My heart stopped beating long ago
Yet here you tell me sweet words of hope
But there is no hope for this unfeeling soul
There is no one left to care for me
Love is but a fairy tale of a life that's gone
"

The music built once again, but it was Rise who was singing this time. The crowd gasped, and that was about the only thing I could hear. My attention was on the music and the sound of Rise's voice. I could envision us in the studio back in my house. Time I thought more about every day that went by. Time I never wanted to forget.

Rise: "There is something you're missing
Do you not see me standing in front of you?
You want to deny me, turn me away
But I won't give up on you
I will be the one to care for you
Love is not a fairy tale and this I will prove

The light is not so far away
I will guide you back to its path
Don't turn your eyes from the truth
And I will show you that you live still"

Rise moved to me and looked down at me as I played. I could feel her stare at me but I didn't dare look at her now. I always got swept up into the emotions of this song. And maybe a part of me wanted her to say words like this to me. And that wasn't something I could get distracted. I opened my mouth and sung once more.

Me: "But this is me
My life is has passed
A night much like this forced my hand long ago
You cannot promise
That my love will not disappear
If I were to open my heart once more

When the day finally breaks
Its light will never reach me
There is no one left to care for me
Love is but a fairy tale of a life that's gone"

She moved on me again, this time she moved behind me and wrapped her arms me. From this angle the audience had a complete view of this whole thing. A part of me wanted to react to it, but my mind was too focused on the music and playing the piano. I couldn't hear how they reacted to this. I simply doubled my focus on y hands and the piano. This was also my favorite part of the song.

Me: "Death is all that resides here"
Rise: "My arms will pull you back to life"
Me: "My heart stopped beating long ago"
Rise: "I will mend it day by day."
Me: "Yet here you tell me sweet words of hope"
Rise: "Don't deny me, don't turn away"
Me: "But there is no hope for this unfeeling soul"
Rise: "I would never give up on you, my love"
Me: "There is no one left to care for me"
Rise: "I will never leave your side, this day forward"
Me: "Love is but a fairy tale of a life that's gone"
Rise: "Your life is not gone, and I will show you that I love you."

I was completely oblivious to the crowd or anything else. All there was to me, at this moment, was the piano, Rise and both of our voices.

Rise and Me: "So this is us
We've come so far
And we're sure the fight ahead is long
But this is love
And we'll press on
No matter the how hard, our love will conquer all
"

Me: "Can I trust you with my heart?"
Rise: "I will never let you come to harm"
Me: "Can you promise that we will endure?"
Rise: "My love for you will never waver"

Rise and Me: "Daylight will come once again
Its warmth will give us the strength to go on
When the day finally breaks
We will stay in its light
We won't stray away from the truth
Our love will endure even into the dead of night
"

My hands moved in its familiar dance as it moved into the final crescendo and into the last part. And then before I had even realized it, my hand had played the final note. I felt myself let out a big sigh of relief as I finished. Only to find myself being pulled up to my feet by Rise and towards the crowd. And then my trance broke and I heard the crowd as if they hadn't existed until this moment. An applause followed by cheers. With a little nudge from Rise we both bowed and got an even louder applause. And then without a word to the crowd Rise pulled my arm close to her and pulled me off the stage. Well pull wasn't quite the word for it…it was more like she guided me ad we disappeared back stage and through the door to the changing room.

She led me over to one of the chairs and I quickly sat down. I realized I couldn't focus my vision and I was shaking now. Rise moved away from me...I looked at her...unable to really focus my vision but I was sure she was locking the doors before she came back to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder before scooting another chair over to me. Slowly she put her arms around me...and I felt myself slowly fighting tears as they escaped my eyes. And I didn't react to her touching me at all. Why was that...

"It's okay, Senpai. We're done," she said soothingly in a whisper. I was confused for a moment until I noticed how badly I was shaking. Rise's arms offered me a comfort that I wasn't really used to. But then I could no longer fight the emotions bottling up in side me and tears freely fell. Why was I crying? What was wrong with me? "Shh…I got you, Ikakure-senpai." She pulled me closer to her on the chairs and I found myself sitting closer to her now...seeking this odd comfort she was giving me. I turned towards her more and instinctively buried my head against her shoulder and neck.

How tense had I been on stage? Did she notice something and that was why she had held me on stage? I couldn't even think straight. This wasn't an anxiety attack this was…something else.

"I was so scared," I suddenly said voicing exactly what it really was. Fear. I thought I would be rejected and shunned just like I always was. Told that I was no good…that I should give up on what I was doing. I hadn't expected that kind of reception. Rise had seen it...and she knew what she needed to do...to comfort me.

"You were brilliant out there, Senpai," Rise whispered in my ear.

My heart was beating fast…and I was sitting somewhere between panic and relief. But as the tears happened against her I slowly started to feel better. I don't know why I suddenly felt so comfortable in her arms. I didn't question it…Right now, I just needed to calm down and relax. Then I could enjoy what I had just accomplished. And I never would have been able to do it without Rise.


A/N:

I'm not a song writer. Let me just put that out there. Poetry has always been something I do very sparingly because I just don't often get the inspiration for such a thing. Still I spent a good deal of time on it...and I realize that half of what makes songs work is the music...not necessarily the lyrics. I mean...we all know songs that if you take the lyrics on their own...make no damn sense. There are some that even contradict the mood the music is evoking...thought that is usually intentional. Either way just not that I'm not really a song writer, but I did try to write something that would match Kayane and Rise. I have no idea how successful that is or not. Well I guess you guys will tell me one way or another...or won't.

I think in a lot of ways, Rise is often times the more mature one because of her exposure to the Idol World and knowing how that works as a business. At the same time she is completely not accustomed to the problems that Kayane faces and so she is often left guessing on what is best to do...especially when she can't just hug him to make it all better. At this point though she has come to realize that when Kayane has been emotionally broken down that he welcomes physical contact. This is actually a part of his psychological condition. When he was a child...after being beaten by his uncle he was comforted by Miyuki. So his body associates all things after a breakdown emotionally or physically as something comforting. So that's why only in those times is he more susceptible to being touched. Rise may not realize that is the reason but she is more keenly aware of when it is okay to approach him...and when not to. Well that is what she believes right now.

There is still a lot more to their relationship to develop...and even still there are a lot of hurdles to go through. A relationship with someone that has suffered abuse is a lot of work and requires a lot of patience and good communication. It's important to discuss what is acceptable and what is not. I think this is also where a lot of the breakdown and problems occur in that kind of relationship because a lack of communication or no patience on the part of the partner. Especially if they realize how hard it is for their significant other to talk about what happened to them.

I want to touch on these things in a natural way as their relationship progresses...and hopefully make it seem somewhat natural. Well...as natural as it can be when there are also Shadows, Persona's and a world inside a TV. I think part of what appeals to me writing this is just writing the relationship itself and how difficult it can be. It's been a bit of a release in many ways because of what I had experienced growing up and my own problems when it comes to relationships, as well as a friend of mine who has been an invaluable resource for a lot of what I've written here and some of my other work.

I hope you enjoy what you've read. As always leave a review or comment or whatever and I'll see you next week with the next chapter.