CHAPTER 9 / Invade
November 1st, 2011 / Daytime
Yasogami High School
I guess it was pretty naive of me to think that nothing at all would have changed at school. Or maybe it was because I was just incapable of knowing what kind of change would even occur. Yosuke and Yu had told me the story that had spread through the school…and even my Mother had warned me about the YouTube and NicoNico video that had popped up with the entire performance. I didn't look into it…mostly because I didn't want to know how we looked on stage. To be honest I wanted to forget the whole thing. However, no matter where I looked it was a constant reminder that things had changed. Well maybe I wasn't being honest with myself...it wasn't that I really wanted to forget...but now things were so much different because of those events.
I tried to keep things as close to normal as I could. I kept my eyes on my books today…but whenever I looked up, for whatever reason, I realized that a lot of people had been watching me…and it was mostly the girls. They all were quick to look away rather quickly, but the guys…they looked angry, more accurately, jealous. I guess what Yosuke and Yu said must have been more true than I cared to admit. Jealousy…over what I had done with Rise. I guess I should have thought about this a lot more than I had. Which…I really didn't think about it before hand. Either way, it was all too late now. No take backs and all that.
Rise, on the other hand, was probably used to rumors like this whenever she spent time with someone of the opposite sex. It was the first time she had performed on stage with one...that I know of. Oh what...am I gonna start thinking like some jealous possessive guy now? I really was in over my head. I had managed to get through the day but…something felt off. It had felt that way all day...maybe it was just my imagination...after all it wasn't like people were treating me like they usually did.
I made my way down to the shoe lockers and opened mine. A curious scene happened as a mess of letters from the inside of my locker fell to the ground. I frowned as I looked at them. Really? What was I going to do with all of this?
"Seems like you've made quite the impression," Yu said from behind me. He had a way with timing it seemed. "What will you do?"
I glared at him for a moment before I pulled my backpack from my shoulder and stuffed all the letters inside of it. I guess I'd read them eventually, but I doubt I was going to respond to any of them. They would lose interest of me within the week. "You're enjoying this too much, Narukami."
"Not really, although I am curious how you are doing with the new circumstances. I'm sure it isn't easy to have all that attention on you," Yu shrugged as he moved up to my side. "Well, to be honest, I did have another reason to come here."
"Oh yeah? Why is that?" I said as I slipped on my shoes and picked up my backpack once more.
"We want to take you, over there," Yu said it so easily, but the words made me stop and turn to him fully.
"You mean, the TV world?" I asked.
He nodded, "You still want to help right?"
I could still feel it in the back of my mind. My Persona…the one named Tsukuyomi. I had never used him ever since I had gotten the power. And I had yet to really see all of it in action. After all I had gone unconscious during the whole fight when I was in the TV world. It wasn't something that could be continually ignored. Well...there had been the Culture Festival, so we all got caught up in other things for a while. And I suppose I had still been somewhat recovering, but the answer to this was simple. "Yeah, I still want to help. So where are we going then?"
"Away from prying eyes, for one. We'll meet up with Yosuke in front of Daidara's Metalwork's shop. You're going to need a weapon after all," He said as he nodded towards the door so we could keep walking. It was at that moment when I realized that there were girls and guys watching me and whispering from all around us. I hadn't even noticed, or rather I was hoping not to.
"A weapon? I'm guessing all of you have one of some sort," I tried to keep the conversation going as we left through the front door of the school and out towards the front gate. I needed to keep my concentration off the feeling of all the eyes that were on me.
"Well, summoning a persona takes a measure of concentration, and you don't always have that luxury. So having a means to defend yourself is essential," Yu must have known why I was keeping the conversation going but he went with the flow and took the opportunity to explain the reason behind it further. "Plus your Persona makes you stronger. Especially in the TV world…it has some effect in this world but it seems like it isn't as prominent."
"So if it is a weapon that your persona is familiar with is it better?" I asked.
"Well, not really. It is whatever you are most comfortable with. So whatever you think is the best fit for you," Yu looked like he was thinking about it a bit more. "I think it will make more sense once we're over in that world. It just kind of clicks."
"You've helped them all adjust to this, so I'll take your word for it," I shrugged as we began the walk towards the shopping district. "So we are going to meet up with everyone later then?"
"Yeah, after we grab you a weapon we'll meet up at Junes. Then we'll head into the TV, from there it will be all about getting you used to combat. I'm sure you'll get used to it faster than the others," Yu smiled a bit, but I wasn't sure why he would say something like that. But he had that look of 'just trust me' on his face.
"It has to be easier to deal with than girls stealing glances at me or all the guys muttering how I stole all the girls behind my back. Well, it isn't like I talked with any of them to begin with," I muttered. "It isn't like any of them care about who I am anyway, just who I spend my time with."
Yu actually laughed at my words, "You know before Rise-san was an idol, did you know she didn't have any friends."
"Kujikawa?" I automatically pictured her in my mind. More like the image of her was constantly popping into my head regardless of what I did. "Don't tell me stuff like that. Just because she told you, doesn't mean you should tell me." I looked to the ground; I didn't have the right to know anything about Kujikawa.
"Would you listen to her if she told you?" Yu eyed me. He sighed after a moment when I wouldn't look back at him. "Maybe it isn't my business, but I think you are making a mistake. Especially if you think Rise-san gives a damn about what you think you can't do. And I already warned you that she isn't the type that will give up just because you want her to."
"And why would you care about where our relationship stands? I'm the last person she should spend time with," I groaned. My own thoughts were still plagued with this way of thinking.
"Because you both deserve to be happy. And even if you don't see it…Rise-san does have a good effect on you. Still I suppose telling you this isn't going to be any help," Yu sighed once more clearly frustrated. "The two of you are so alike and yet at the same time…so completely different. But if you really want to change…pushing her away is just going to put you back into the same place you were before you met any of us. And I know you don't want that."
I hate knowing that he is right. And that I had been prepared to push Rise completely out of my life. That is exactly what I was doing. "Changing isn't easy, huh?" I shook my head. Despite the feeling I had before...even with all of that...the change was hard...and my mind wanted it to go back to how it was before...no attention...just going through day to day...but that life was no longer what I wanted...I knew that. But when you lived life for so long thinking one way...you can't just change it over night.
"I can't imagine how hard it is for you. You've associated being friends with others with pain. It was easier for you to just keep people at a distance," Yu and I were stepping into the shopping district now, and I could tell that Yu genuinely meant what he said. Honestly, he was too good at observing people.
"Thanks Narukami. I needed to hear that. I might have just reverted to how I was before if you hadn't said anything," I smiled a bit. "All I've been doing is running away from Rise…because I'm just afraid of what could happen, without ever giving us a chance to be even friends." Friends? Yeah, I'm not sure I knew how to even have one of those.
"No one ever gained anything without a little risk," Yu added.
I laughed, "You really are quite the dangerous individual, Narukami."
"I like to think of myself as just well educated," Yu smirked.
"Well, you were top of your year on the midterm. I wonder how Amagi feels about that though…after all I'm pretty sure I heard she was at the top of the juniors until you came along," I grinned with a chuckle.
"She always congratulated me…you don't think she could be…angry do you?" Yu suddenly looked worried. I raised an eyebrow. Really? That was what shook him up?
"Shouldn't you know that, Mr. Well Educated?" I eyed. "Don't think about it too much, I was just poking fun at you."
"Hey guys, oh, what's wrong Yu?" Yosuke and us were standing in front of Daidara Metalwork's And Yu had that look on his face when you knew he was just overthinking something.
"Yosuke…you don't think Yukiko would be angry for me placing first on the midterms do you?" Yu asked seriously.
"No way, dude. I mean she's smart but I don't think she every particularly tried to claim the top spot," Yosuke just waved off Yu's concern which instantly made Yu relax. Yosuke looked over to me with a questioning look.
"I was just pointing out that Amagi had always gotten first before he came to town. At least that is what I've always seen," I shrugged.
"You worry about the strangest things, Yu." Yosuke laughed and slapped Yu on the back. "Come on, we don't want to be late meeting up with the others."
The three of us walked into Daidara's and well I was amazed at what I saw. I didn't realize that our town had a traditional blacksmith…this was probably a great resource for them. I had no idea where to start. And I was supposed to pick a weapon for me to use?
"If it isn't my favorite customer," The old man in back came walking up and shook hands with Yu. "Got any new materials for me?"
"Not today, but I think I'll have more in a couple days," Yu smiled. "Today we're trying to find something that is a good fit for my friend."
He walked over to me and offered his hand. The gesture was obvious enough that I didn't react negatively to it like I thought I would. I took his hand and he gave a grin, "So tell me what kind of weapon you like?"
"I'm not sure, I've never really thought about it. There is an overwhelming amount of variety in your shop," I said honestly as I broke from him and looked around. I pointed to a strange pair of weapons, "What are those?"
"Those are sickles, originally used as farm tools, but well even farmers had to fight from time to time. So they developed into their own weapons. You can use them as they are like that or…" Daidara moved to one side and pulled out another pair. "Or with a chain attached to them."
"Which both have its own advantages and disadvantages," I commented.
"Naturally, every weapon has its own strengths and weaknesses, but the trick is finding the one that works best for you. Sickles are tricky to use, but if you don't mind accidently cutting yourself every now and again, they are great weapons. But maybe you'd prefer something that isn't bladed?" Daidara asked.
"I…uh…" I picked up the two sickles and then looked over to Yu and Yosuke. "What do you think…chain or no chain?"
"Made a decision already then?" Yu smiled.
"Yeah I guess so…something just feels right," I said looking back to Daidara. He walked over with the chained pair as I placed the other two down he placed them in my hands. They had a nice weight to them…and the blade on them was sharp. Not only that but something about it just resonated with me.
"It's best to go with your gut instinct when picking your weapon. Those are the ones that speak to us," Daidara grinned. "Shall I ring you up then?"
"I got this, Daidara-san," Yu said. I was surprised for a moment but Yosuke walked over to me.
"Don't worry about it, Senpai. We find a lot of stuff in the TV world and we can sell them to Daidara which we use that money to keep the Investigation Team equipped. Yu makes sure that everyone's equipment is up to date and fully maintained," Yosuke explained.
"Makes sense, but what does everyone use as a weapon?" I asked.
"Yu uses a katana, I use a pair of kunai, Chie-san uses well her feet, she just wears greaves of some kind. Yukiko-san uses fans, you know like traditional fans but they are reinforced for combat," Yosuke was going to keep going but I held up a hand for a moment.
"A fan? And she's fine with just that?" I asked.
"Senpai, she is really brutal with that thing. But honestly Yukiko-san's real strength is in her Persona…but I think we can explain that later. Kanji uses…a folding chair, most of the time," Yosuke shrugged.
"Wait, what else has he used?"
"A desk," Yosuke laughed.
"I'm guessing all of you were surprised until you saw him actually use it," I chuckled.
"Yeah, let's just say we are glad he is on our side," Yosuke grinned. "Naoto uses a pistol and Teddie uses a claw weapon."
"Makes sense for both of them. Wait so Naoto has a gun license already and she is two years younger than me?" I shook my head. "Then again she is a detective, it makes sense." It was really hard to get a gun license in Japan. That just made Naoto seem even more impressive.
"Alright, we're all set to go," Yu said as he rejoined us.
"Off to Junes, huh?" I asked. The two of them merely nodded. "Well then, let's get this underway." I put the sickles in my backpack and slung it over the shoulder. "Man, this feels really weird."
"We're only getting started for today," Yu grinned.
November 1st, 2011 / After School
Junes Food Court (Investigation Team Special Headquarters)
I looked up into the cloud covered sky. At the very least it wasn't raining. I sighed a bit as I looked back down at everyone else; they all offered me a smile. We were all sitting at a long table that was under cover in the Junes food court. The rain was falling around us. "Okay so I'm a little nervous. It isn't like I have ever been in a fight before. A lot of people make the assumption that I have because of what I wear but I have never even thrown a punch before."
"Don't worry, Senpai. We'll be with you the whole time," Rise said from next to me. She was acting like her normal self now…I guess what I had said had put her at ease but she was making sure to keep her distance. That didn't make me any less aware of her presence at my side. And didn't change the fact that we needed to talk.
"Still, one last thing before we head in. Teddie if you would," Yu looked down the table.
Teddie pulled out a pair of glasses from behind him. "Ta da! I've got a pair of glasses ready for Kayane!"
I shook my head, "Glasses?"
"You'll understand when we get there," Yosuke said.
"I feel like I've heard that a lot today," I grumbled as I was handed the glasses. The most predominant color was black, but there was also an azure color than ran down the center of the frames. It seemed rather intricate…and I was supposed to believe that Teddie did this? I looked down at him and he offered a ridiculously big smile in return. I suppose he had some hidden skills. "Thanks Teddie."
"Alright guys, let's go," Yu said as he got up to his feet.
Everyone was on their feet to follow Yu, the unanimous leader of the Investigation Team. And I could definitely see why after the time I had spent with the silver haired teen. He was confident but not arrogant, smart but knew his limitations. He was careful but not afraid to act. I couldn't help but wonder what had led for him to be the way he is. I picked up my bag and followed behind everyone as we headed from the food court and towards the electronics section of Junes.
There wasn't anyone even around in the electronics section of the store. "So no one seriously notices all of you coming in here and then disappearing?" I muttered as we all stood in front of the largest TV in the area.
"Well I'm sure there have been some questions as to our activities," Naoto stated. "However I doubt it ranks very high among the other gossip."
"Yeah I can imagine that," I shrugged. Well it wasn't like anyone would believe that the large group of teens come here to jump inside a television.
"Get ready," Yu said as he put his hand on the television and a ripple seemed to move across its surface. The next moment he placed his hand inside and then he, Yukiko, Chie and Yosuke all dived in. The rest of us moved up and followed suite.
The sensation of falling in the TV gave the same feeling of vertigo that you would feel from a sudden drop it altitude in an airplane, but it was just a constant fall. At the same time it didn't seem like it was inherently dangerous because you didn't really speed up as you fell. The next moment I hit the ground, and as I hadn't expected it I collapsed onto the ground. The place was something to behold. On the ground was something similar to a crime scene, with the outlines of bodies but there was also a pattern of black and white circles that got smaller as it went towards the center of the place they had landed.
I got to my feet and looked around, the area was covered in a thick fog. I remembered there being a fog in the place I had been when I was kidnapped. I turned to the others and saw them slip on their glasses. Reaching to the inside of my jacket I pulled out the newly acquired item and slipped them on. Suddenly the fog was gone from my vision. I shook my head for a moment and peeked over the glasses to double check I was seeing it right…and sure enough without the glasses it was nothing but fog…but with the glasses it was like the fog didn't even exist.
"This is our main base in the TV world. Shadows have never made their way here and it is our only way we can get out," Yu explained as he approached me.
"So this is our fall back point before returning to the real world huh?" I said as I looked around a bit more. There were light fixtures and the structure itself made it look like they were on some sort of studio. "Think the Midnight Channel might be the reason this place looks like a studio?"
"Most likely, but it isn't like we know what the Midnight Channel is anyway," Yu chuckled a bit. "I think we're going to want to start off a bit easy before we head back to your dungeon. There are some powerful Shadows there."
"You guys are the experts, just lead the way," I said as the rest of them looked unsure.
"Well what can Senpai's Persona even do?" Kanji asked.
"Tsukuyomi, he's pretty powerful," Rise said as her own Persona appeared. I could see why she wasn't geared for battle, she was strictly an information gatherer. "He can use Agi and Bufu skills as well as physical skills, like Vorpal Blade." Rise let her Persona disappear and bounced up to me, "Wow, Senpai. You're a real powerhouse."
"You're ability seems like it is more useful than mine though," I chuckled a bit. "But what are Agi and Bufu exactly? I mean I can kind of sense what my Persona is capable of but…what is Agidyne and Bufudyne even do?"
Yu smiled a bit, "It isn't that hard, but these are the names of the elemental spells. The Agi spell is fire, Bufu is for ice, Garu is for wind and Zio is for lightning. There is also light and darkness spells which are hama and mudo respectively. The suffix actually denotes how powerful the spell is. The dyne spells are actually the most powerful."
"Okay so there is an order to the madness. Kind of weird those things seem to work that way. Then again it's odd that Persona's exist in the first place," I shrugged a bit. "Okay what about Tempest Slash and Vorpal Blade?"
"Those are physical skills, which can be pretty powerful, especially those moves. They can hit multiple times. I think Tempest Slash is meant for use against a single opponent, but Vorpal is for multiple. Either way we'll find out on the battle field," Yu explained. "One thing to keep in mind that using our Persona drains stamina, but after some time we figured out that Physical skills and Magical skills don't drain the same kind of energy."
"For some reason I think I know how it works. You sure we aren't all just inside some crazy visual novel premise? Or even a video game?" I eyed them somewhat amused.
"Sure does seem a little crazy, doesn't it?" Yosuke asked walking up beside me.
"Um…Senpai. I was thinking we should take him to my place," Rise spoke up looking at Yu.
"You sure?" Yu asked.
"Yeah, I'm sure," Rise nodded.
"Alright, you lead the way then, Rise-san," Yu said as he looked towards the others.
Rise turned back towards me, "You'll walk next to me, Senpai."
That wasn't a question…she was telling me how it was going to be. I shouldn't be surprised at this point. And I didn't particularly mind walking next to her anyway. I felt the most comfortable with her as it was anyway. "Whatever you say, Kujikawa."
She frowned a bit…she was still wanting me to use her first name, but this time she didn't say anything in regards to it. Maybe she was thinking more about the destination than anything else. She headed off towards one direction and I stayed walking by her side.
"This place Senpai. It was where I was when I was kidnapped," She spoke softly. I noticed that we were quite a few strides ahead of everyone else. No doubt they were giving the two of us space to talk. They were all so transparent when it came to their intentions in regards to Rise and I. Even my Mother had told me that I should pursue a deeper relationship with her. But I sat in the same camp I had been the whole time. Undecided. Well rather, I had no idea what was the best option for me to follow at this point.
"You want me to see it. Is that it?" I asked simply looking over to her.
"That's right," She said smiling back at me. "I learned so much about you before I had ever even talked to you. I think it's only fair that you have a chance to learn about me."
"You don't have to do this, you know," I looked away from her this time. These were her hidden feeling after all. Sure most of the others had probably seen them but they had done it to save her…just like they had all seen mine to save me. It wasn't like I would have held it against them if they had left me to die. I was a troubled child with a past that I could never seem to shake. And my past was not one that was easy to face or see up close. And from Rise's description of how it happened...it had been especially rough on them as they came to rescue me. 14 floors they had to clear in one day in order to get to me...because they only had the one day to save me...or I would have died.
"But I want you to know," She was so confident that I couldn't help but look back at her. "I want you to know why I quit being an Idol."
As we approached the scenery changed and I could hear, music. And it was music you would typically hear at a night club or…a strip club. I saw the layout of the room and it could be nothing other than a strip club. Of course that was only based on my knowledge of certain movies and novels that I have read. And this was the place that had manifested for Rise? But why? Why a strip club of all places? How did that relate to her reason for quitting to be an idol? Yet I knew she wouldn't have said that if there wasn't a direct correlation to that fact.
"Alright, the Shadows here aren't that tough but Kayane-Senpai, Yukiko and I will make up the team and…" Yu stopped looking over at Yukiko. The fact that he had used her name so casually had honestly slipped from his mouth but no one seemed to really notice. But the fact that he had stopped talking had everyone's attention.
"Just tell everyone already. It isn't like most of them haven't put the pieces together," I said with a slight chuckle. Rise already knew what I was talking about and she smiled big knowing that I had already pieced it together.
Yu rubbed the back of his head and looked over to Yukiko. "I think the cats out of the bag."
"It's fine, Yu," Yukiko smiled, she had already told me that she had wanted to stop hiding it anyway. It was hard to bring that kind of subject up anyway.
"While it seems it is pointless to actually say it…but Yukiko and I will have been dating for three months on the thirteenth," Yu looked away from the others, but despite his embarrassment he was smiling.
"Whoa, that long? Man I must have missed a sign or something," Yosuke chuckled a bit. "Why'd you two hide it anyway?"
"It wasn't really appropriate," Yukiko was the first of the two to talk as she walked up to Yu and took his hand in hers and looked towards the others. "After all the very next day…Naoto showed up on the midnight channel."
"So you guys got together during that time?" Chie was more than a little curious…apparently Yukiko hadn't been so obvious in the details she had told Chie.
"It isn't like it just happened," Yu said. "We had started hanging out since back in May…after we had rescued Yukiko. After four months…well I don't really need to say, do I?"
"Well, you two complement each other nicely," Naoto said with a slight smile. "I'm amazed you are both capable of handling a relationship on top of our situation."
"I would have to disagree with that," Rise giggled from my side. "Wouldn't you agree, Senpai?"
I merely shrugged, "I don't know much about relationships myself. I'm pretty sure I've said that before, Kujikawa."
"Touchy, touchy," she teased and everyone laughed at this.
"Yeah, yeah," I waved it off. "You guys can fawn over the couple later. Didn't we come here for a purpose?"
"That's right," Yu moved away from Yukiko and brought up his katana that still resided in its sheath. "Ready, Senpai?"
I pulled off my backpack and opened it and pulled out the sickles, showing it to everyone in the Investigation Team for the first time. "Guess there is only one way to know that."
November 1st, 2011 / After School
Marukyu Striptease – Level 6
The arcana card came floating down in front of me. I made a downward slash with my left sickle and cut through the card, "Tsukuyomi! Vorpal Blade!" My Persona, clothed in all black pulled out all six katana's that were on his back and sliced so fast that it was unable to be seen by our eyes, but the collection of shadows quickly evaporated into nothing. I stood there for a moment and eased my stance.
"I think you've gotten the hang of it," Yu sheathed his sword as he walked towards me. "You're Persona is incredibly powerful."
"That's our, Senpai," Yukiko said walking up to me as well. "Might be time to change the setting for something more of a challenge."
My body suddenly went into alarm and looked past Yu and Yukiko and down the hallway past them. Something was incredibly wrong.
"What is it?" Rise's voice spoke directly to my mind.
"I can sense something. Like…" I took a few steps forward and Yu and Yukiko remained alert at my side. I tried to focus my senses…I wasn't sure how I was able to but…I did. "…something is watching us."
"We should have destroyed all the powerful Shadows in this area already…I don't get it…." Yu was confused. The others were quick to catch up with us. Rise stopped and summoned her Persona.
"Senpai, I can't sense anything. Are you sure?" Rise said in her real voice this time. She dismissed her Persona not seemingly feeling anything.
I turned and walked towards Rise, "It's close…but it's evasive. However, something like that…can't hide from me." No...not from me...it was something that I had felt since I came here...as if it had been calling to me the whole time...but now...that was even stronger. And it felt...incredibly close. I think I understood what it wanted. The whole Investigation Team all looked at me questioningly as I walked ever closer to Rise. I could recognize this crushing loneliness no matter what the distance was. Of course I would. I was so intimately familiar with it that I could never forget it no matter what has changed in my life.
"You have to help me locate it," Rise's voice was full of concern. I turned to my left and walked towards the wall and placed my hand on it, holding my sickles in my right hand as I did so.
"Imagine the deepest and darkest hole you could ever possibly be in. Then imagine yourself at the bottom with no hope of ever getting out alive. It is the absence of hope, the absence of faith…that is what is coming. But you don't have to worry," I turned around towards the others. I saw the fear and panic rise in their eyes and I already knew what was about to happen. Instead I merely smiled at them, "It's only here for me." I was fine with this outcome. I knew they were yelling something at me. I kept smiling though. Rise was running towards me. None of the others would be fast enough to get to me…arms of darkness pulled me and slowly my vision of the Investigation Team was turned to that darkness. The last I saw was Rise jumping towards me before my vision faded to black.
I'm not sure I can explain it, but I never felt like I was in danger…and I'm not sure it was something that the others should even worry about. I guess that's why I had told them not to worry. Now I was falling through the darkness, falling through a spiral filled with despair, fear and anger. Then my feet found a solid surface and everything stopped. Suddenly the darkness began to dissipate and a whole new environment opened up to me. It was a school…one that I had never been to before. It certainly wasn't one in Inaba.
I was standing in a hallway, suddenly a nearby classrooms door opened and children poured out and ran down the hallway past me. They were laughing…definitely enjoying themselves, this was obviously not what I was here to see. I walked forward towards the opened door and into the classroom that they had left. I saw in front of me an all too familiar sight. A lone student at her desk, an expressionless face was worn as she quietly gathering her belongings. It took me a moment to realize that it was a young girl with messy brown hair. But there was definitely something familiar about her.
"I was left out again," the girl whispered to herself. Yet somehow I heard her perfectly. "I mean it isn't like I want to go with them, but they could at least invite me. Right now, I'm just invisible. Nobody sees me."
I moved into the room and sat down in the seat in front of the young girl. She looked up at me and I knew exactly who she was...it was Rise...but a much younger one, "I guess that makes us a bit different. For me…I wished with all my might to become invisible. It wasn't really that hard…when you stop talking or interacting with others…people eventually move on from you. They will just continue on with their lives without you. I was convinced that it was what I wanted."
"What do you really want?" the young Rise asked me suddenly. This wasn't that complicated of a question, but when I had been a kid...I felt that seclusion was the only real answer. All I did was successfully run away from my problems for years to come.
"I felt so lost…alone without Miyuki. Surrounded by people that told me it would get better, but they never cared. Their only interest was in the acts done against Miyuki and myself. As soon as both of the men responsible were sentenced, I was no longer of interest. I was simply a child that no longer knew what the point of life even was. I lost my will to try…but regardless I had to keep living. Even though eventually I tried to end my own life. In the end…I decided to live in pain. What about you, Kujikawa? Why do you want to be noticed? Why is that important to you?" I turned to the young Rise, but she was looking out the window from me and I could no longer get a clear view of her. Even her form seemed to be something I couldn't quite decipher. Just what was this place I was at?
"I…I want to be noticed. I don't want to be left out. I want to have friends like everyone else. No one ever sees me...no one ever wants to get to know me. And I…" the young Rise was coming back into focus but she seemed so desperate and she finally turned towards me. "I want to be loved." Is this what she wanted me to know? This was why she became a Idol. "I want people to see me, to want to spend time with me. And I want to find the person that can love me for who I am."
"Love?" I wasn't sure I could understand it. Maybe if things had been different for me. What had love ever been to me anyway? I wasn't even sure I could gauge what it is. No my thoughts had never entertained the possibility of being loved. "But you know…love is also a great source of pain." I couldn't say if I knew that for sure or not...because I really hadn't allowed myself to experience it because...I didn't want it...interactions with people in my youth had only one result...pain.
"Even still…I want to know what it feels like. Do you know? I heard that you can't understand what love is until you already feel it," the young Rise spoke softly. "Do you know how it feels?"
"Me? I…" My mind went blank. "No…no I don't think I do. And I…don't think I'll ever know how I ever truly felt when I was younger. But I wouldn't call it love in a romantic sense...no I was far too young."
"What about now?" the young Rise was incredibly inquisitive.
"I made choices that clearly changed me. And probably not the way I should have ended up as," I sighed. "I spent so much of my life alone by my own choice…I'm not sure how to interact with people as a result of that choice. I think I've done okay so far…but in the end…am I really someone that should be around? In the end maybe I'm just cursed to solitude. Perhaps its better for everyone if I was. It probably would have been better if..."
The young Rise was in front of me...her anger evident in her eyes, "No, don't you dare say what I think you are going to." She suddenly reached up and caused me to jump back as a result. She still stepped towards me although I had gone out of her reach. "Don't give up before you even give it a chance. Do you even care about how I would feel?"
"Kujikawa? Look...we both had different childhoods, and we both made different choices as a result. But..." I looked around this classroom. One that probably represented what she feared happening to her. Abandonment, solitude...no being ignored. And most of all the feeling that no one in the world gives a damn about you. Yeah...strangely it was a feeling and understanding that the two of us had. "We both know that feeling...where it feels like the world doesn't care about you...as if the person you are doesn't mean anything to them. But our decisions at that point were completely different."
"Yeah, I know what it feels like to be alone. So utterly alone that I felt that there was never a point in even trying, but all of that changed," the young Rise was suddenly changed into the real Rise. No...more than likely it had been the real her the whole time...something...no whatever it was that had grabbed me must have made it appear otherwise.
"Why are you here? I told you…" I started but Rise was quick to shut me up.
"What? Not to worry? You're an idiot if you think I wouldn't. Do you have such a low opinion of yourself that you think that other people wouldn't care about you? Don't you see me? Aren't I here with you, Senpai?" She stepped forward and slowly took my left hand softly and gently brought it up to her cheek. The movement was slow...careful so it wouldn't surprise me...but I still had to fight the urge to break away from her. "I was always jealous of everyone else at this school People went off to do things with their friends...but I had no confidence...I was afraid to speak up or ever contribute to conversations. I was terrified that anything I did would make people hate me. Before I knew it there were wall around me and I was alone. I understand you're scared of letting me in...of letting any of us in. I know because there was a time I felt it too...that maybe it would be better on my own. I wouldn't be able to experience what I wanted but I could never be hurt if I hid alone in my isolation. But…you'll never know what can happen if you never take a chance. I learned that when my Uncle signed me up for an Idol try-out without telling me. I know its hard but..."
"Of course, I know that," I said with a long sigh. I said this as I pulled away from her. A part of me felt conflicted...I wanted the physical contact but there was still the part that always wanted to pull away. That side was always the one that won. "However, you should remember something else. I had already decided that I wanted to change. That doesn't mean I can just stop my body from doing what it does. It's more than hard. And my Mom warned you didn't she...staying close to me means that you'll likely..."
"Do you think I care about that? It's just your body has its natural reactions because of…what happened in your youth," Rise was being careful not to mention it but she didn't need to.
"You don't have to avoid it," I gave her a slight smile. "I was beaten as a child, no it extends even past that. It was more than just physical...obviously it affected me psychologically that's why my body just associates touch with pain." I took a few steps away from her now. "We share a different view of what loneliness is...but here we both are...in this odd world. Being reminded of that feeling."
"Yeah…this was the middle school I was in when my Uncle secretly signed me up for an idol tryout. And so I went to the first audition and I passed. Somehow. Shortly after that I went through training and then…my first song was written, but they wanted professional reviewers before they fully committed on me. Before they ready to sell me as a new idol," Rise was smiling as she was telling me this. But there was sadness in her eyes. "Apparently they weren't sold on my sound as much as the ones that had trained me and gotten me to that point were."
Yes so they sent her tape to my Mom. And then it was passed to me. That was a key moment for me...an important one that I had still not told Rise about. And I wasn't sure I was ready to do so now either. "Obviously the results speak for themselves. You're career took off after that. And you became one of the fastest growing idols to hit the top of the charts in recent history. And you're fan base was growing all the time. Although to be honest I only ever listened to your music, so I never saw your TV appearances," I wasn't sure if I had ever told Rise this much. But it was better than saying nothing. And quickly moving past that point was more important to me.
"Well considering who your Mother is, I'm not surprised…or the fact that music is very important part of your life," Rise sounded like she was remembering something. "In the end, however, fame didn't mean anything. After I was an idol I went back to school…this very middle school. As it turns out, being an idol hadn't really been what I wanted. Sure people were talking to me…and I was finally being included in everything but…all the guys wanted to be with Risette, not Kujikawa Rise. People only saw the me that was sold to them by the agency. The real me didn't exist. Though it took me a while to realize that. I had been thinking about it for a long time. And then right before I went onto stage of my last concert and I heard them chanting for me...Risette, Risette. Just who was Risette? That wasn't my real name...not my given name. In that moment when I thought that...I knew I couldn't just keep going like I had been. I turned to Inoue-san and told him I was quitting."
"And that was why you left," I finished. "Because, in the end, what you were seeking when you became an Idol…didn't happen." That probably wasn't 100% true but it was enough that anyone that had claimed to be her friend only knew Risette...It wasn't that she didn't have friends...its just...her relationships up to that point in her career had all been...superficial...nothing had felt real to her. I had been isolated out of choice...the people that had helped Rise had put her on a pedestal and isolated her in a completely different way. Nothing had changed for her...only her surroundings. At Middle School she was the girl that was left out...not having the courage to step forward...but after becoming an Idol...it was still the same...except now people surrounded her but never approached her. The moment she realized that...it must have been a hard thing to realize.
"That's right. I wanted friends…real friends. Not just fans that would never know me as a person. I was nothing more than an object, and I was just so angry. So…pissed off that no one would ever see the real me…that no matter what I have done in my life I could never be seen by anyone. That was when I ended up here, in this world. My Shadow was going to reveal all of me. Because deep down…I just couldn't accept it. In the end I wasn't even sure who I was. I wasn't Risette but I didn't know who Kujikawa Rise was either," Rise's eyes showed exactly how all of this still affected her. "I don't know who I am now, either. But I have a better idea...and I want to keep finding out more about myself."
"That's simply a part of growing up," I smiled. "I mean do any of really know who we are? No, not really. But there is one thing we do know for sure. And that is the things that we care about and want for ourselves and the people around us. Didn't I tell you before? Risette is just as much a part of you as any other part."
"Well I know that now," Rise giggled with that smile that always drew me in more. "But I wanted you to know because…I feel so guilty for everything."
"Guilty? About what?" I asked.
"Your Mom…she was the reason I had a chance to be an idol before. And I really was determined at the beginning…but in the end I…"
"Stop it," I interrupted her. For one she didn't know the truth about that, mostly because of me, but that review that gave her the opportunity of being an idol was because of how I reacted to it. Either way she had no reason to feel guilty. "Five singles…from Four CD's…and over a dozen additional tracks for TV shows Anime and even movies. In the end you have over 60 tracks of music that you were a part of. Tell me…in what way should you feel guilty about? You didn't do anything wrong to anyone. And every artist needs a break. I mean you've been busy non-stop since you've debuted. Anyone that thinks you don't deserve time for yourself isn't anyone you should be concerned about. Besides it isn't like you are completely done with your career. Nothing can stop you from coming back if you really wanted to." Rise seemed taken back by what I said...but she didn't have time to respond.
"Alone…so alone," Another voice interrupted us. A being cloaked in shadows walked into the classroom on the far side from where we were.
"What the? A Shadow?" Rise was alarmed and I quickly was up and putting myself between her and the Shadowy figure.
"Stay back, Kujikawa," I said as I pulled out my sickles from the inside of my coat and into my hands. I couldn't distinguish the threat but I was the only one here that could fight. Like it or not I was going to have to deal with this on my own. And if I couldn't, then it wouldn't be just me…but Rise as well that could be harmed. And that…I wasn't going to let happen.
A/N:
Sometimes its odd how people's experiences can be completely different but allow you to relate to them. Rise was the popular girl that is alone because of her popularity. While Kayane is the one who at one point doted on because of what he went through...the attention left as soon as his Uncle and Miyuki's Father had been sent to prison. And that whole event happened at a very important developmental time in his life. Where most people learn to trust and rely on their family for things they need...Kayane instead learned that there was no one to trust and so he said what he had to and kept people at a distance. For Rise...her Family did help her...a relative signed her up. The motivations for it are never covered in the game because its never important, but such events what cause Rise and Kayane to experience something similar but at the same time be worlds apart. And definitely a problem they'll have to fight against as things go on.
I don't think I mentioned it before since there was a question about it but Kayane's Arcana is the Tower. You could make a case for the Hanged Man but his internal struggles match Tower a bit more. I think that will be more apparent as the story goes on.
Obviously what is happening now doesn't happen in the Persona 4 story line...but consider it a sneak peak of things that will come into factor a bit later in the series.
Anyway I hope you've all enjoyed it so far. Feel free to let me know what you think and I'll see you next week with the next Chapter.
