Chapter 23 / Celebrate
December 24th, 2011 / Evening
Kayane's House
"Everything has been scheduled, you two," Mom announced proudly as she was pouring tea. We were all sitting at the dinning table. She likely was going to be working on the finer details later but the major part of it was scheduled. "January 15th will be when we negotiate your contracts so make sure you two plan to be here that day."
"Wait, everything?" Rise asked from next to me. I already knew she was worried about it. All though she had attempted to not let me know she was. Nevermind the fact that she worries about everything. Even if she didn't give any signs that she was worried I would still know she was.
"Yes, Rise-chan. You parents will be here as well as your previous agent, Inoue-san, and a couple Producers from Takura Productions. I also invited a couple of my lawyer friends to oversee and ensure the contracts are fair to all parties. If they feel any party involved is not getting their equal share. Ah, yes, I also invited your Grandmother to sit in on it as well," Mom was saying it so matter-of-factually that Rise seemed to be unsure what to say. Made sense to me, everyone that needed to be there for both of us would be present.
"Sounds good to me, I think her Grandmother has more right to say anything than her parents...but..."
"Kay-chan," Mom stopped me with a look.
"Yes I know, I shouldn't judge anything based on what I've heard," I sighed. It was something Mom had always tried to instill in me, but I had some pretty hard preconceptions because of my Uncle and Mom's Ex-Husband.
"Enough about that, why did you two stay here for tonight? It is Christmas Eve...shouldn't you two go out and have some fun?" Mom smiled. As if she didn't know why we ended up not going out. She knows me more than well enough, but Mom was being polite and giving me a chance to give a different reason.
"I thought about it," I admitted. Not for very long mind you. It wasn't about spending time with Rise, it was more or less having to see other couples. And we really needed to be a little more cautious on where we spent time as a couple. All it would take was one photograph to cause a PR nightmare. "I got cold feet when I thought about all the other couples that would be out there. So I thought it be better to just stay home and maybe watch a movie or something here. Nothing too crazy." I shrugged and took some tea after Mom had finished pouring it and then gave some to Rise. "Rise was a little insistent on it actually."
"I think we've had enough excitement lately. You've been doing okay lately but I think it be a good idea and slow down for a bit," Rise added. that was an understatement...I think it had been just one thing after another after I was out of the hospital. Catching Adachi and the confrontation with Ameno-sagiri. That wasn't all there was to it though. Unfortunately I knew that whatever had used its power against me when I was in the hospital was still a threat. And despite the murders being solved...there was the bigger mystery of the TV World or the power of Persona that still existed.
That was all that could be dealt with a day at a time. Right now I just wanted to relax for once. "Plus with Finals coming up and tests for exiting High School...I'm probably going to have my head stuck in a book for the coming months ahead. So really I just want a day I didn't have to think about anything. So Rise suggested just a simple movie night at the house."
"Yep! And I got it all picked and ready to go," Rise winked at me which I did my best not to react to.
"Fortunately for you two, Christmas falls on a Sunday," Mom gave a light chuckle. "I take it you'll be staying in the guest room, Rise-chan?"
"I hope that's okay. I already got permission from Grandma," She seemed a little more sheepish this time. I think Mom was maybe a little too accepting of a girl staying over. Then again she probably more than realized I would never do anything. What Rise had planned was what worried me.
"Just don't stay up too late, you two," Mom got to her feet. "Still the working world doesn't want to give me a break. If you excuse me its just about time for my conference call." And she left us alone and likely went down to her office.
Rise put her tea down and got to her feet, "Alright Kayane, its movie time."
I took a moment to take a long sip from my tea and eyed her without turning my head towards her, "Someone is a bit anxious."
She frowned, "Kayane...I have been sooo patient because you've had to do a lot of makeup work for school and then spending so much time with everyone else. But I have wanted some quality alone time for what seems like forever. You do know that since we've started dating we really haven't had time for just us, right?"
Of course I knew that...because I had been avoiding it. I knew Rise enough that I could tell she had a few reasons to get us alone. And I was incredibly nervous about it. When I had woke up that had been one thing. I had been riding a wave of adrenaline and so kissing her at that time felt logical and natural. Now that I looked back at it, I felt incredibly flustered about the whole ordeal. Not only that, I had started to crave that connection more and more when I was with her and it terrified me. It was such an intimate connection that I was worried I would do something wrong. That I could unintentionally hurt her. I had no idea what to do and I didn't like how I looked at Rise half the time. I had even had some stupid fantasy dreams about her and I. I'm sure it was normal to feel like this though. I'm sure that craving the one you love in such a personal and intimate fashion was completely normal. But my life had been anything but normal. And I had no way of knowing what should be considered normal.
I trusted Rise with my heart and soul. There was nothing I wouldn't give to her but the thought that I could hurt her... That I could do something wrong had stopped me and inevitably made me avoid encounters alone with her. I couldn't keep avoiding it. She gestured towards the door, "Come on."
For tonight I'd set up the TV in my room while Rise had brought a bunch of DVD's. I put my tea down, "Why don't you go get it set up and I'll bring the tea to the room."
She grinned and bounced down the hall towards my room. I let out a long sigh before quickly taking another drink from my tea. Just what exactly was I supposed to do? Act natural? I wasn't even sure what that meant because my natural reaction was typically to push her away. She wanted to be closer and I know a part of me also wanted to be closer. The conflicting emotions and the constant internal war I seemed to be waging was driving me crazy. Still we were only watching a movie, nothing was going to happen during the movie. I needed to stop worrying so much. It was Rise after all.
I put my cup and Rise's back onto the tray with the tea pot and picked it up and slowly made my way to the room. Rise had left the door slid open and so I stepped in and crossed to my desk to put the tea on as I noticed Rise had made a spot for us to sit on my bed across from the TV...which was now situated on the top of my dresser.
There was currently previews being played at the moment on the TV, with Rise motioning for me to sit down. I moved over and on to the bed where she had taken the moment to rearrange all the pillows and even grabbing some from the guest room to make it more comforting, I guess. After I settled in Rise moved next to me and wrapped her arms around my midsection and rested her head on my shoulder as the movie started. I doubt she would stay in that position for long. I wasn't sure what we were watching until the opening song hit.
"Oh...thats the song 'Silver Lining' its your first song that was used for an anime. Well a movie but still," I found myself saying. It was also a song I had to pick up the soundtrack of the movie for in order to get. So it had been hard to forget about it.
"Yeah I got a copy of the movie when it came out too. And I really like it," she commented as she snuggled up to me.
It was a good movie. I remember seeing it originally in theater, making the trip to the city to see it. I mostly went to hear the song as I knew the opening song would be done by Risette but the soundtrack wouldn't be out for a couple weeks after the films release. So really I went only to hear the new song, but ended up staying and enjoying the movie. The film itself was called Steel Cage. It was a mecha anime, not usually a favorite of mine. Actually, I didn't watch much anime at all but this movie was a bit different, except maybe the set up. A young man meets a young woman and somehow becomes the pilot of a mech, that was a typical plot that had probably been done to death. What was great about this movie was the characters having a believable if not incredibly realistic back story. While the main story was about a war between rival nations, the relationship and its growth between the young man and young woman was the center and grounding aspect of the film. It was almost funny how I could relate to this film. Two individuals caught in a crazy situation with abilities that had no idea about. The young man had the capacity to fight while the girl was able to navigate and somehow power the mech he fought in. But the two of them had a lot of issues growing up, and over the course of the movie have to face that in order to move forward.
The personal storyline actually eclipses the greater storyline in the end of it, which overall worked surprisingly well. So I found myself rather engaged with the story once again as Rise and I watched it. She shifted a few times and ended up using my lap as a pillow by the end of the movie. She seemed content but had spent a large part of the movie playing with my hand that she refused to let go. I had finally relaxed about half way through the movie. But now that the movie was over I found myself comfortable and not really wanting to move.
Rise was the first one to move, she sat up and moved my hand to her stomach as she reached up with her other hand to my head and pulled me into a kiss. It was fine at first, my body definitely reacted to her. Wanting and craving more of her. Then I started shaking. Rise stopped immediately, her eyes only filled with concern. I found myself unable to focus and my breathing was ragged and uneven. Then I was hyperventilating. Rise was next to me, but I imagine she wasn't sure exactly what to do.
"Kayane, are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" Rise sat up and gave me space to catch my breath but she didn't move away, instead she just moved her hands away. Staying close but not really touching me. I took some deep breaths and got under control quickly enough.
I shook my head after a moment, "No. I..." How could I explain it? I suppose the truth was the best way. "I'm scared. I feel like I might do something wrong and..."
"When we're kissing? We may both be new to that but I can tell you that you've only ever succeeded in making me want more," she gave a light giggle. I simply looked away from her. When I didn't respond to it she took a more serious look. "Kayane, I love you. And believe me, I wish you could be a little more proactive on the physical side of our relationship. But that's because I want you to be comfortable with me, with us being intimate. "
I knew she wanted more...that is why I had been so nervous. "I just don't think I'm the one you should..."
"Stop right there, mister," Rise frowned and putting a hand over my mouth to silence me. "You are the one, the only one I want...not anyone else. And I told you before, we'll do this at your pace. Not mine, and certainly not what anyone else thinks is normal. They aren't us. What we need and can handle is different. Plus its a good idea for us to take it slow. If things go too fast then I might get too carried away. I won't deny fantasizing about you and I, but your wrong to think I would ever demand or force you to do something you aren't comfortable with. So for now, kissing only. And I'm okay with that."
Had I been worried about nothing? I found myself looking away from her again, ashamed of the way I was. Any other person would jump at the chance to be all over Rise. Although that thought kind of made me angry.
She grabbed my attention by poking my nose playfully, "Stop that. Honestly, it isn't a big deal. Considering you have been avoiding being alone with me for a while now, I was expecting something along these lines." I looked at her for a moment, but didn't look away. She smiled and lightly kissed my cheek. She eased back and let her voice drop to a whisper, "It's about Miyuki isn't it...what you saw her go through?"
My mind froze as Rise said those words. That's right...I had witnessed Miyuki being sexually assaulted by her Father...an image that had made me sick. And thinking about it now made me shake more. Was that what it was? Had I just not realized it? I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. But all that did was bring images of Miyuki and that man that had assaulted her. The one that was supposed to be her Father. Who touched her in ways no Father ever should. Rise adjusted herself next to me and in a moment she pulled me to her, hugging me against her. For a moment I felt the urge to pull away, but then I felt warmth, comfort. And Rise's scent washed over me easing my nerves. I was still shaking a bit but I eased considerably in her arms.
"You are not that man, and I am not a victim. What happened to Miyuki was a crime, something she didn't want or ask for. She was raped. You're older now, and that man is long behind bars. You don't need to be haunted by those images," Rise whispered. I took in some deep breaths as Rise continued to talk in a low voice. "Easier said then done, I know. That's why it will be at your pace. There is something that you should know. Your touch, will never hurt me. It's something that I want, because you know if it wasn't then I would tell you. There is no pressure for us to rush even if you feel like there is. I'm not going anywhere. We have the time to figure these things out. And we'll work through them, one at a time."
"I know that. But there is also the part of me that is worried about something happening. I came so close to dying. I feel like I owe it to give you something in return," I muttered, wanting to turn away but for once I fought it and kept my eyes on her.
She shook her head, "You don't owe me anything. The only thing I truly care to have, is having you here, in my life. I'll admit that you turn me on in a way that makes it really difficult some times to keep my hands off you. But you've been driving me crazy for a long time now. So I can deal, I'm not in a rush, even if my body would want nothing more than to strip you naked. That isn't a big importance in any relationship, especially to me. Anyone that says otherwise probably doesn't understand the emotional connection or what it can means to take that step. And if you told me I had to wait until much, much later in our relationship, I'm fine with that too. Please, Kayane, don't dwell on this. Tonight is about relaxation and movies. If you want to kiss, then kiss me, but if not, then don't. Just tell me, and I promise I'll be fine with it. You are so incredibly important to me. Every day I'm with you is a gift to me. And that is what I crave above all else."
I let out a long sigh. I felt a lot more at ease now that Rise had said all of that. I don't know why I had it in my head that I needed to push forward in the relationship. There wasn't a need for that. Our relationship wasn't normal. You don't usually start by knowing everything the other has hidden in the closet. Rise knew my darkest secrets before she ever knew I even played the piano. If anything a lot of our relationship was backwards. Yet it was because of how it happened I could talk so openly with her about my insecurities and fears. It was a point that a lot of relationships struggle to even get to.
The main conflict was within myself. I knew she would wait till I was ready to go further. But there was the part of me that wanted to make her happy, to satisfy her. It was also in those same feelings where I could see images of Miyuki being hurt. I would never hurt Rise like that but still I hesitated because of those images in my head.
Rise broke away from me and got to her feet. "Alright next movie!"
There was plenty of time to take steps forward, it didn't need to be all at once. And even though I definitely had the part that craved and desired for Rise, I still had to fight with the side of me that feared that intimacy. As irrational as it seemed to be to me. No, either way, I would take it one day at a time. That was all I could do. As Rise was putting on the next movie I resolved to let my thoughts go and just focus on enjoying a relaxing time with my girlfriend.
December 25th, 2011 / Daytime
Junes Food Court
"So the case is closed for reals this time..." Yosuke was saying as Rise and I were approaching the group.
We would have been earlier but we had woken up late. After our discussion we really had relaxed, or I had, to the point that the two of us fell asleep on my bed. I'm not sure if we had moved over the course of the night but Rise was curled up next to me with my arm underneath her head as she was using my chest as a pillow and my own leg was pinned between the two of hers. Almost as if she was trying to prevent me from getting away, or trying to get as close to me as possible. I wasn't sure if it was because we had gradually become that close over the night or not but I didn't really react at all to being so close to her. As a matter of fact, I woke up briefly and realized how close she was, but I quickly fell back asleep so easily. I only woke up after that when Rise had finally starting waking up next to me. And honestly, I couldn't remember the last time I had slept so deeply. I really did feel incredibly refreshed. The two of us sat at the long table of the food court as the conversation continued.
"I think we can safely leave the rest to the police. Adachi has confessed his crimes, so I'm sure Namatame's presumed guilt will be reexamined as well," Naoto added a bit of news that we hadn't heard.
"I see..." Chie seemed rather somber about it. "Then that really wraps it up."
"Good to see you two. Glad you could make it," Yu offered a greeting to Rise and I.
"Would have been here earlier but I fell back asleep," I shrugged. It wasn't a lie, just never mind the fact that I also had no desire to move away from Rise, or wake her up.
"It's my fault too, cause I really didn't want to get up this morning," Rise was quick to add. You know, now that I think about it, I wouldn't put it past her to have been pretending to be asleep to steal more time being close to me like we were. Rise didn't let the subject linger and immediately redirected it. "You know, now that its over. What'll you do now, Teddie? You're not going back over there, are you?"
The Investigation Team took the bait and turned their attention to Teddie. I was kinda interested in the answer as well.
"You better not, you dumb bear! You don't know how much you worried us last time..." Kanji said before Teddie could answer.
"I-I won't suddenly disappear like that again!" Teddie defended himself.
"Damn straight you won't. Man, just stay here, alright?" Yosuke muttered from next to Teddie. The conversation stopped by the ringing of a cell phone. Yu was quick to realize it was his.
"Hello? Oh hey Dojima-san," Yu said and then I just tuned it out.
I still owed Dojima-san both a thank you and an apology. A thank you, for looking after my Mom when I had died, and then a apology, for it resulting in him having a longer stay at the hospital. There was so much that had happened in that time I was in the hospital...it was a little frustrating at times. Plus it kept me incredibly busy trying to catch up on school work in the process. On top of that, with Rise and I's, plan to go into show business I had to consider my options for after High School and also had graduation coming up incredibly quick. I had been thinking about that. Rise would likely have a tutor for the finishing years of High School, probably returning to Yasogami when she was able to. Oh, now that I think about it, our age difference might be a factor I need to consider as well. Especially if her parents took a more invested interest in looking into Rise's career with me. I guess there was quite a number of good reasons for us to take our relationship slow.
I guess it was an odd thought in itself. What teenage guy would be incapable of going further than a kiss with a popular idol? Risette was the biggest star at Takura Productions, I suppose it be more accurate to say was. She had largely influenced my life before I had ever met her and she wanted to be with me. She wanted to go further physically. She had blatantly told me that fact. Yet that thought scared me. Was it because she trusted me that much? Or did the thought she could find me sexually attractive not make sense to me? No, Rise had likely hit the core of the matter of the head. The thought of sex made me remember what I had been a witnessed to when I was a child. Years of therapy couldn't erase the image of Miyuki being raped by her Father. It was because of that reason that I equated sex or physical intimacy with all the horrible scene I had seen in my youth. The conflict between my body that reacted naturally to Rise and her advances on me were different from my mind that wanted only to keep her at arms length. It had nothing to do with a lack of attraction, I can promise that. It wasn't like I didn't have thoughts of sex. I was a teenage guy after all. But most of the time those thoughts were brought to a halt when my mind would suddenly give me the image of Miyuki and her Father and would act like a bucket of ice cold water on my mind.
So in the end, I had no problems holding her hand or being close to her now. Which was progress, but anything beyond a simple kiss was a level of intimacy I could not handle without having an anxiety attack. I'm so pathetic.
"Senpai?"
I looked to see Yukiko looking over at me. I shook up my thoughts, "Sorry about that, just thinking about some stuff." Vague for sure but there was quite a number of things I needed to be concerned about in my future. Too much to think about really.
"Dojima-san is on his way home. We were all going to head over there to greet him," Yosuke quickly filled me in with what was going on.
I nodded, "Sounds good I need to thank him after all." I got to my feet and turn to the others.
"Why do you need to thank him?" Yu asked as he moved next to me.
"He went out of his way to protect Mom, didn't he? I mean he took care of her and stopped her from doing anything against Namatame when I had..." it was such an odd thing to be able to say. "...when I died. He had his injuries re-opened because of that. Or he would likely would have been out of the hospital already." They all seemed to share a look with each other but I just kept walking. No, the truth was I should really thank all of them. I couldn't even imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn't met them. Even the guys I hadn't really spent much time with.
As we left Junes, Rise made her way next to me and took my arm, walking next to me. "Stop thinking about it," she said softly. She knew exactly what was really on my mind, on glance at her told her all I needed to know.
"If it was any other guy they would have never hesitated..." I muttered.
"And if it was any other guy they would have been met with a slap and a court order to keep them away from me," she added with a somewhat amused tone. "If your that bothered by it, what would you want to do? Should I come to your room in only lingerie? Or maybe covered in chocolate?"
Now she was just teasing me so I gave her a look.
"Kayane, don't you dare do this. You are not like anyone else. You are always thinking about me," Rise pulled my arm closer to her. "You were feeling good about this earlier, what happened?"
"I just...I don't know," I shook my head. "There is a contradiction here. My body wants one thing but my mind is vehemently against it. Well not all of my mind...its...you see what I mean? It's frustrating."
"Too bad there isn't a way to turn your mind off. I would have definitely taken advantage of it last night," she giggled. But stopped when I obviously reacted negatively to her words. I knew she was trying to lighten up the mood but I just felt worse as a result. "I'm joking. You need to stop this though. Don't think about it. Think of this a different way for a moment. I told you I would marry you already didn't I? That should tell you I'm more than committed to waiting for you. I wasn't lying with what I said then in the hospital and I sure as hell mean it now. It was your idea to start at dating you know. I was totally fine with jumping right to marriage. Or maybe even just be your fiancée until you're ready. Or I can start plan the wedding now. What do you think? A Church? I mean that's more western style wedding. We could go more traditional and have it at a shrine? Or maybe a beach? But honestly beach weddings look nice but the wind makes it hard to hear anything."
I couldn't help it, I was laughing as she was jumping into different wedding ideas, "Okay, I get it. I get it. You've made your point."
She grinned and then pulled up my hand up and kissed the back of it. "That's more like my Kayane. I mean you're pretty good at the doom and gloom but you're way sexier when your laughing and smiling. Although I have to admit your doom and gloom look is damn sexy too."
I shook my head unable to stop the smile on my face. "You enjoy this way too much."
"I enjoy every moment with you, sweety," Rise seemed to be on a role now.
"Oh we going with cutesy names now? Should I call you sweetheart or pumpkin or my love?" I really couldn't get enough of her. The way she made my stomach do flips when she smiled. Or how she made me nervous and excited at the same time when I spent time with her.
"Hmm...no. You have to keep calling me Rise. I love hearing you say my name far too much to let you use a nickname just yet," she said meeting my eyes and giving an overt wink at me.
"Well Rise, I think I can handle that for now," I gave extra time to her name and letting it roll off my tongue which had her tightening her grip on my arm.
"Ooooh...don't do that. I like that sound way too much," Rise whispered to me. I guess along the way we had fallen behind the others but we had finally gotten to Dojima's place where Yu was staying.
Taking off our shoes we entered the home. Separating from Rise, I moved past the others and was immediately bombarded by Nanako. "Kay-chan! Come on! Come on! You have to come sit with me!" The energy threw me off for a moment.
"Okay, okay, Nanako-chan. I'm coming with you, settle down," I said as I let her drag me into the living room area where she sat down and motioned for me to sit on the cushion she had placed next to her. I didn't waste any time sitting next to her. "I think I should apologize to you Nanako-chan. Rise and I went and told everyone about us recording the CD already. I didn't realize you had wanted to be there."
She shook her head, "Nah-uh. It's okay. Besides I know you really wanted to tell them. But then you were in the hospital."
"Which is the real reason your here today," it was Dojima. "It was a bit last minute but party is for you. It's not every day you come back from the dead. We were going to do it sooner but we figure we could have it as the same day as Christmas for Nanako as well."
Behind him was everyone in the Investigation Team. "Well we also had a hell of a time trying to plan a surprise party. Between you having to make up all that school work and having to get regular check ups at the hospital. I'd say we're lucky we managed to get this one planned," Yu added from next to his Uncle. "But we managed thanks to Kujikawa and Tsukio-san."
Wait, so even Mom had a hand in this? Then as if the thought had summoned her, she appeared from the side room where Nanako and Dojima's rooms were. "Kay-chan, you put your life on the line to save Nanako-chan. Dojima-san told me all about it." Mom approached me with a smile. "All your friends told me how heroic you were and the length you went to try and save her. And you nearly died, or rather you did die to protect her. But you found our way back to us. And just a couple days ago, you were given a clean bill of health from the doctor."
So they had been planning this for a while? For me?
Oh please, Kay-chan. Is it really so unbelievable that people would want to celebrate the things you've done? That you survived, after everything that has happened?
I blinked and turned around, but all that was there was the back sliding glass door. I could have sworn I had heard someone. I shook my head and put my eyes to the table. A part of me couldn't believe this scene in front of me. After all this time, people cared for me. No, I'm an idiot, people always had cared about me, I just had a thick ass wall between the world and myself. I had done nothing but hide my whole life. I closed my eyes as I felt a plethora of emotions come bubbling to the surface, "For me?" I said as if I couldn't believe it. My vision blurred slightly and I realized I had tears coming from my eyes. I quickly wiped them away. "But I didn't do anything that any of you wouldn't have done..."
"It doesn't changed the fact that it was you that did it," Rise said as she came and sat next to me.
"Yep it was Kay-chan that came to my rescue," Nanako smiled and hugged me from my side.
"Sorry, Senpai. You're just going to have to accept that this party is for you," Yu added with a chuckle. "You should be proud of what you did. Just like we are. But this party is also to celebrate your good health. And besides, its also Christmas."
There was no winning against them this time. Seeing all of them here and thinking about everything that had happened. I could hardly believe how far I had come. But I knew there was still a lot more coming ahead, still more mysteries that had yet to reveal themselves. And the uncertainty of Rise and I's foray into show business together. I honestly had never been this happy before in my life. And I owed it all to the members of the Investigation Team.
December 31st, 2011 / Evening
Shopping District
"Well, aren't you the early one?" I said to Yu as I approached him. We were now standing in front of the entrance to the shrine. Night had already set in and it was just after eleven. He just gave me a slight shrug.
"For some reason the brisk cold air feels nice today," Yu smiled. "How goes the studying?"
I waved it off, "Nothing worth mentioning. But I think I figured out something since Christmas. Well maybe before hand."
"Ooo, tell me too," Rise said appearing from behind me. I shook my head and wrapped my arm around her and she eagerly snuggled against me, but since we were both wearing a heavier winter coat I could only really feel her weight against me. Still I still felt a comfort just having her close by. "Hello, Yu-senpai."
Yu chuckled and I merely just shook my head, "Hey, Rise-san. Go ahead Kayane-senpai."
I had actually unconsciously started calling Yu by his first name recently. Actually, I had done so for a lot of the members of the Investigation Team. Basically all of them but the rest of the girls. It only halted me for a moment hearing him say my name. I really had come a long way, hadn't I? I looked up towards the shrine, "I read a lot of books growing up. I figured that, out of everything I could do, reading would be one thing that would never be able to hurt me. Another benefit was that in that time of my life, I could hide from the rest of the world and a lot of people would just leave me alone. It's also what led me to focusing so much on my school work but one thing I could never stop doing...was dreaming." I know I had talked a lot about the source of my issues, about Miyuki's death and my attempted suicide. But there was a lot of my life in between where I lingered in indecision, where I was never quite sure how I wanted to proceed. In the end I always took the path that involved less people.
"I could hardly imagine you not dreaming," Yu commented.
"My dreams had always been simple, which I'm sure you could imagine. Usually influenced with whatever I had been reading, but recently I really hadn't been dreaming. And more than that, I've been getting good sleep. And I think a lot of that is that even my dreams had never been as good as life has been for me lately, even with all the things we've had to face. Or maybe, even because of it. I always believed that life had a certain rhythm to it and once you were in one track you would never get out of it. Because I had never tried to be active or do anything to change my life. I had always just accepted that life would never change. But now, I know it isn't true. Thanks to all of you I realize that I can't just let life happen around me. In order to enjoy life, to truly get the most out of it I need to take chances, to trust others. I'm probably going to make mistakes along the way but I know that I need to do it. I mean I came to this conclusion a while ago but I just wanted to say it out loud. And I figure you should know, Yu." I paused and looked back to him, taking a moment to move away from Rise and offer my hand to him. "I'm going to do my best not to hesitate. So I don't hide from the world any longer. And I have you and everyone else to thank for this."
Yu shook my hand and then...something happened. Tsukuyomi appeared above me and then...changed. A voice entered my mind...something familiar, You've taken the first steps in a new chapter of your life. Your power will shift and grow in response. You and I are one and the same. My name is Benzaiten, Goddess of Eloquence and Music. A markedly female voice spoke to me as my Persona shifted to a visage of beautiful blond woman in a black ball gown, along with black opera gloves. She also had a lone katana sheathed at her side but the sheath was black and covered with white music notes. And...wait no...that wasn't a katana...the blade was far too long to be one. No this one was closer to a nodachi. Except wasn't the hilt of a nodachi typically bigger? Her stylized long blond hair, along with the ball gown and opera gloves made her seem more like an opera singer. Except she had a incredibly long sword with her.
Benzaiten? That was now my Persona...as her visage disappeared I could feel her there...at my side just as Tsukuyomi had been. But now he was gone. Still I know I had heard the name before. Of course, she was considered to be one of the Seven Gods of Fortune. If I remembered correctly her domain as a Goddess extended pretty far. I couldn't remember but it was beyond what she had said within my mind. I must have blanked out for a moment but I saw Yu smiling when I finally focused myself. He let go of my hand.
"Benzaiten? My Persona changed?" I shook my head. I had no idea that could happen.
"Well sure, you've changed," Yu said simply. "Persona is closely connected to you. When you show a change, your Persona will too as a way to reflect that."
"Mine has changed too. Originally I had the persona Himiko, but as things changed. Himiko became Kanzeon and I gained new abilities as I got stronger. I'm sure you will too," Rise said taking my arm once more. "All the others have as well."
I looked to Yu, "How does that work for you? Have something to do with the Velvet Room?"
He shrugged, "Yeah, exactly. It is...different. To be honest I still want to take some time before I tell the rest of you." I wonder just what made it possible for him to summon so many different Persona's. I had told them of my own encounter with the place known as the Velvet Room, but from talking I knew already that his experience and my own, would be vastly different. And Miyuki had told me that the real reason for my Velvet Room had yet to even occur yet.
I shook my head, "You don't need to. You shouldn't feel you have to either. After all the Velvet Room is designed to accommodate the guest. And from what I can tell, it exist to help us through problems we can't do on our own. And under normal circumstances no one would even believe you if you did. Besides it isn't like any of us will ever see your Velvet Room. It was meant for you and you alone."
He chuckled, "Sounds like someone took time to explain a bit of the nature of it to you."
"Miyuki was made an attendant of the Velvet Room, she's tied to mine. And as it was explained to me, nothing happens in that place without reason," I looked back to Rise knowing that mentioning Miyuki's name always resulted in mixed reactions from her. But I wasn't going to hide anything from her, not when I didn't need to. "There is a lot more that happened there that I'd like to talk about but ultimately it isn't too important to things now."
"Not tonight," Rise spoke softly from my side. It was surprising to me that she didn't want to press it. Maybe I just didn't understand how she felt when it came to regards of Miyuiki. Then again, I think Rise was just in the mood to forget everything and just enjoy ourselves for once. And I was inclined to agree. "Tonight we celebrate the coming of a new year, for all of us."
"Sorry we're late!" Youske, Kanji and Teddie came up to us. Yosuke looked like he was a bit annoyed by his tardiness.
"I was watchin' TV at home, but it seems I fell asleep. When I woke up it was that New Year's show. 'Toshi-koshi kuru-toshi' had already started, so I rushed out as soon as I could," Kanji quickly said. Looking like he literally had sprinted from his house and trying to catch his breath.
"Hellohz! I'm sorry, Sensei. It's all Yosuke's fault," Teddie directed his comment to Yu.
"Don't worry about it," Yu waved it off.
"Aww, you're such a good bear," Teddie grinned.
"Me!?" Yosuke glared at Teddie. "It was 100% your fault! But, I am sorry about making you wait. We had an emergency at work. Everyone had to refill all of the lucky draw bags. We just finished a second ago. Because a certain someone just crammed a buncha stuff into the bags without checking any of the prices." He kept his glare on Teddie. Teddie just innocently whistled as if he couldn't hear Yosuke. "I'm talking about you! You little..."
"Moving on..." Teddie quickly interrupted. "Hey, Sensei, where is Nana-chan and her Dad?"
"You doofus. It's damn cold and way too late for Dojima-san to bring Nanako-chan out. Plus Dojima is still healing up from his injuries and only just got out of the hospital," Kanji easily explained it.
"Besides we can always go over to Yu's place tomorrow and celebrate with Nanako then," I added, finding myself smiling at this interaction.
"Where is everyone else? Wait, Rise-chan! Why aren't you wearing a kimono?" Teddie sounded incredibly disappointed.
"Do you not realize how cold it is out here?" Rise shook her head.
"I'm sorry about the wait," this was Yukiko's voice as we turned to see the rest of the girls approach them.
"Sorry, we ended up buying some heating packs on our way and it took some time," Chie quickly explained.
"Yes, I extend my apologies as well," Naoto said.
I could notice a very disappointed look on both Teddie and Yosuke's face. Were they really expecting them to wear Kimono's? The girls were all bundled up in winter gear...which they should considering the temperature was going to drop a bit more tonight. "You guys are pathetic. Do you really think the girls would waste time on putting on kimono's this late at night when its expected to get so cold? Beside traditionally you do that on New Years day, not eve." I was quick to point out and not letting the awkward silence stand any longer.
"Wait, did you think we were going to?" Chie asked looking at Yosuke.
"I didn't but I mean it isn't all that often you get a chance to wear them, right?" Yosuke averted his eyes. He was definitely prone to say something bad in this situation, but he had done a decent job this time around.
I shook my head, "You can be pretty warm in a kimono too. Since there is by nature a lot of layers to them. But then you have the side affect of people stealing glances at you the whole time. Considering why kimono's even exist to begin with." I added a shrug.
"Oh right, because most Lords would require their women servants to not wear underwear under them," Yu added. "They had some ridiculous notion that it made a woman more attractive."
"In the end it was more of an affront to women because it was basically them trying to be subtle with their intents to have sex with them. Having a thought that if they were required to not wear under garments they would be easier to seduce," I couldn't help but sound put off by the thought. That kind of reasoning only reminded me of Miyuki's Father. "Besides I doubt kimono's are that comfortable to begin with, and I highly doubt any of them want to be out in the cold like this with them on."
"Men are pigs," Chie went on to add after I had said that.
"Besides, a girl has to save her best outfits for the moments that count the most," Rise smiled and then glanced at me.
"Huh? A kimono's one of a girls' best outfits?" Yosuke paused. "...Wait, you're implying that you're out of our league."
"She wasn't implying," Yukiko quickly added. Instead she made it clear that all of them had no chance. But that was kind of a given considering who was speaking.
"My heart just froze over..." Kanji muttered.
"You guys shouldn't listen to them. They're just saying it because they're attached," Yu chuckled as Yukiko moved to his side and wrapped an arm around his waist.
"So is your best outfit..." I started but Rise put her finger on my mouth to silence me and giggled.
"Oh you'll see them all eventually," she teased.
"Senpai, I hope you don't mind me saying how jealous I am of you right now," Yosuke muttered.
Considering Rise and I, and the talk we had recently...my thoughts jumped to outfits that were definitely not something I would want anyone else to see her in, "Don't let your imagination go too far Yosuke, or you and I will have to have a talk."
"Um...Shouldn't we be more mindful of the time? If we don't hurry, we'll have to do the countdown here at the entrance," Naoto quickly interjected. Which had most of us looking at our cell phones to confirm the time.
"Oh no! We're going to miss the two-year shrine visit!" Yosuke quickly said.
"You know, this is my first time being with friends at midnight of New Year's Day," Rise happily said from next to me as we all started making our way up towards the shrine.
"I'd always just spend it with everyone at the inn until last year," Yukiko added as she and Yu were walking next to Rise and I.
"Actually..." Chie ran up past us to walk next to Yosuke. "I'm glad we were all able to celebrate today here peacefully."
"Yeah. All right everyone, let's get going," Yosuke said as we all started hurrying up to the the stairs to the shrine.
"Kayane, let me use your pockets. My hands are freezing," Rise said as she was putting her hands into my coat pockets.
I found myself rolling my eyes, "Why do you not have any gloves on?"
"Oh! I got a better idea," Rise pulled her hands out from my coat pockets and unzipped the front of my jacket. It only took me a moment to realize what she was doing as she turned around and stepped into me and pulled my coat around her. "Much better."
"Man, your fans would go nuts if they saw this right now," Yosuke said rubbing the back of his head.
"Fortunately for us the media has been more focused on the murder case being wrapped up to care about Rise," I commented and haphazardly rested my head on to top of Rise's. "It won't stay that way when the announcement goes out, you know."
"That will just be one of the things to look forward to this year," Rise giggled and pulled my coat tighter around herself.
"Looks like they're handin' out amazake over there," Kanji pointed out.
"Uh-uh. Not 'til New Year's!" Chie said as she was casually standing next to Yosuke.
"Hey...How long 'til next year?" Teddie's question prompted everyone to pull out their phone.
Rise released her grip to glimpse at her own phone. I just peeked over her shoulder to see it. "Looks like it's almost here. We got a countdown?"
"I got this guys," Chie grinned.
"Oh! It's almost time," Naoto said looking at her phone.
"OKAY! Five!" Chie started. "Four!"
Everyone else was quick to join in. Myself included. "Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" We put up our arms in the air and then we all laughed.
"I'm glad we're here together," Naoto said with a smile.
"Winter is here!" Chie proclaimed.
"Was it the freezing temperatures that gave it away?" I couldn't help but comment.
"Oh haha, Senpai," Chie giggled.
"Finally, the new year's here!" Yosuke said looking up to the sky.
"Let's make this year a great one," Yukiko said snuggling against Yu as she did so.
"Happy New Year, both of you," Naoto said talking to Kanji and Teddie.
"Thank you!" Teddie grinned.
"It's not your celebration..." Kanji gave a slight frown to Teddie.
"Alright! Time for Amazake, amazake!" Rise said as pulled my coat back around her again.
"Nope! None for you, Rise-san!" Yosuke was quick to douse that. "And the same goes for Yukiko-san!"
"Aw, come on, just let that go," Rise pouted.
I raised an eyebrow, "I'm missing something aren't I?"
Yu chuckled, "Do you want to hear about it?"
"No, he doesn't," Rise said adamantly. "It's not important, okay?"
Of course that just made me more interested, "Embarrassed about something you did?"
"Rise-chan and I might have gotten a bit carried away. They tell us the drinks we had were non-alcoholic but I seriously don't remember what happened that night...only what Yu had told me about it after the fact," Yukiko explained more than what Rise had obviously wanted me to hear.
"Yukiko-senpai! Traitor," Rise pouted. "Don't listen to them Kayane."
"Oh...so now you're keeping secrets from me?" I teased her.
She shook her head, "No but if you really know what I get like when I drink I could show you later." She turned around while trying in vain to keep my coat around her, that instead I did it myself and wrapped my arms around her at the same time.
"Frisky as always," I shook my head and looked down into her eyes.
"You know, in some places they say you're supposed to kiss your girlfriend when it turns over to the New Year," Rise pressed as she adjusted herself in my arms. I felt as if she was somehow pulling me in. Rise shifted her arms up and around my neck and before I could protest she pulled my lips against hers. The kiss lingered just enough for me to enjoy the familiar texture of her lips and she playfully moved her tongue along my upper lip before she pulled back. "It'll be a great year if I get to have a lot more of those all year."
"I'll second that," I found myself saying. Rise grinned in response.
"Hey...it's snowing!" Chie said making Rise and I look up...and sure enough snow was beginning to fall.
"Snow at the first of the new year, huh?" I muttered looking up into the sky. "This is the first time I've ever experienced something like this..."
"And there will be a lot of first for both of us this year. I'm sure of it," Rise said pulling me close to her. The others were still talking but I had stopped listening. With Rise this close to me, I could feel her warmth and felt an odd peace settle in my mind. This right now was what I wanted in my life. Smiling, laughter and the comfort of being surrounded by love ones. The future with Rise was likely going to be a long and hard one. With lots of bumps, trials and tribulations that were sure to get in our path. I knew that there was something important that would happen. The Velvet Room had been prepared for that reason. Not to mention, I had a lot of personal issues that I would have to face as Rise and I continued our relationship.
I could only hope I would remain strong enough to weather the storm.
A/N:
Life has a strange way of moving forward without you. Or sometimes you suddenly realize you aren't moving further than you thought or would want. My own life has been a lot like that. Kayane is starting to realize here that before he has realized it, he has people that mean something to him, and that it works both ways. And that is something he has completely no experience with. He's used to feeling a lot of emotions, typically ones of loneliness and a feeling of neglect. Well anything he has felt in the past he often did so on his own and didn't share with anyone. Often keeping his opinions and other things to himself. Even when he discovered his interest in Rise's voice. He wrote the review for his Mother but he never vocalized it to her. Instead he simply handed it to her. It was enough for his Mother to try involve him more with music.
As weird as it might be, it can sometimes be harder to deal with the good things that happen to you in your life. Especially for someone that has known repeat tragedies and a lot of hardships. Things seem good now, but watch closely and maybe you'll see another problem that could happen down the road.
Things are progressing towards Marie's dungeon now. But there is a few things for us to cover before we get there. I hope you're all ready. The music career is going to start taking a more predominant part of the story as we go further on. Which also includes some original characters and some other characters from Dancing All Night will take more important roles than before. It's been a journey so far, but there are still things we don't know about Kayane. And a large gap of time in his life that has not been explained. But that's just a tease for the future. I hope you stick with me long enough to see it.
I hope you enjoy this weeks chapter. I'll see you next week with Chapter 24.
