This chapter contains explicit sexual content. I will mark when the scene begins with (...), so if you'd like to skip it, you can continue to the next chapter.

Chapter 8


POINT OF VIEW EZRA BRIDGER

I had been awake for about an hour now, but I didn't plan on moving anytime soon. This was the most comfortable I had felt since the day we got fucking trapped here.

Sabine and I were nestled under the blanket, my head tucked under her chin. Her arms were wrapped loosely around my body, and mine were wrapped around hers.

Last night may have been the first time I truly slept.

Even now, I didn't feel entirely awake. I was somewhere in between consciousness and sleep. We held each other like this the entire night.

The air was thick and warm. I felt hot and sticky, pressed against Sabine, but I was too tired to care.

Everything smelled sour.

It must still be early. The guards hadn't come by to change out the tray for new rations.

It meant I still had a little more time to stay here.

Just as the thought entered my mind, I felt a pang in my heart when Sabine removed herself from me with a stretch and a yawn.

Fucking jinxed it.

I groaned as the air around me suddenly felt empty.

"Sorry," she whispered, "I felt stiff."

Eyes still closed, I reached out to find her. "Just come back for a few minutes," I pleaded, latching onto her arm. I felt her pull against my touch in protest. "It's too hot-"

She froze mid-thought, as my eyes opened to meet hers. Silence filled the space between us, each second feeling infinitely longer than the last.

I wanted to explain to her the wave of adrenaline I got when I felt her separate from me. The crushing anxiety of wondering if there was going to be a day that I didn't come back. I wanted to tell her that last night had been the safest I had felt since the start of this entire rebellion. How I wanted her to hold me, and never let go.

I wanted to say everything and anything, but all I could manage to say, was, "Please."

And somehow that word alone felt heavier than everything I was holding back.

Sabine sat unmoving, her eyes looking down at where my hand met her arm.

I suddenly became aware of how desperate my grip was. How desperate all of this felt.

But I was surprised to feel her warmth return. She wordlessly slid back into our original position, her arms gently pulling me into her embrace.

The loud anxiety that was pounding in my head began to quiet. The only pounding I could hear was Sabine's heartbeat in the quiet cell. Or was that mine?

We laid there, side by side, our eyes searching each other intently.

All of this felt so important, yet trivial at the same time. Would unpacking any of this make a difference at the end of the day? Would a confession even count for something if we died in a few days?

Neither of us had a clue if a rescue was on the horizon. We didn't know how much time we had left.

And that somehow made all of this feel so much more important.

If this was going to be the rest of my life, I wanted it to mean something.

Sabine was absentmindedly tracing her finger along the edge of a bandage. What was she thinking about?

Was she wondering the same thing I was?

"I'm sorry," I sputtered, the words leaving my mouth almost involuntarily.

I was so tired of playing this game. Where I pull her in and she runs away. Where she finally pulls me, and I push her away instead.

I'm smart enough to know that she feels something for me. I didn't know how intense that feeling was, or what she called it, but I knew it was there.

I couldn't help but feel selfish. At the end of the day, I still wanted her with every fiber of my being. In a perfect world, we were supposed to have time to figure all of this out. Time to explore these feelings, and each other.

Her brows furrowed. "If you apologize again, I'm going to kick your ass. I don't even know what you're apologizing for."

"I don't think I can hold you entirely responsible for how confusing all of this has been. You're not the only one doing the pushing and the pulling."

Sabine propped herself up on her elbow, listening intently. "Are we finally going to have an actual conversation about this?"

"Long overdue, I think."

I sat up to join her, gently leaning my body against the wall behind me. I could barely hold myself up on my own. The scars, scabs, and bullet wounds were starting to add up finally.

"So, why the push and pull?" she asked sincerely.

"In fairness, I asked you that first a long time ago."

She huffed at my redirection, but her eyes were very clearly filled with thoughts like she already knew the answer to my question.

"I honestly wish I knew," she sighed.

"That's a bullshit answer!" I teased, poking her in the ribs. My gentle laughter was masking my genuine frustration at how effortlessly she dodged my question.

"No, it's not! I have no idea why I do it!"

"So you're telling me you have no explanation for why you told me you didn't want to be with me, and then tried to fuck me five minutes later?" I laughed.

Her face turned a bright crimson, any words she wanted to say getting trapped in her throat.

I don't know if I've ever gotten her speechless like this before.

"You know what? I'm going to answer now," I explained gently, "and hopefully it inspires you to come up with an answer that's not total bullshit."

She blinked at my playful condescension.

I cleared my throat. "Part of why I kept pulling away in the last few days every time you made a move," I paused, wondering if I even knew the answer to that question. "I was honestly just afraid that it wasn't real. I was afraid that you were just going to hurt me. I'm so used to an empty game of chase, that it scared the shit out of me when you expressed any kind of want for me."

Sabine drew in her bottom lip, her eyes clouded with something I couldn't recognize.

As I breathed to speak again, her voice fills the silence instead.

"I'm afraid of someone seeing me."

She let out a shaky sigh. I reached for her hand, and she instinctively gripped it tightly.

"I'm snarky, I'm arrogant, and most of the time I'm just an asshole," she explained. "Most of the time I'm just putting up a front. And it's so fucking infuriating that it's so hard to pretend around you! I just-"

She brings a hand to her forehead as if the very notion of vulnerability was giving her a headache. "It feels like this whole 'being in love' thing has brought out the worst in me-"

And suddenly the whole universe is in slow motion.

Love.

She was still talking, but the words were unintelligible as far as I was concerned.

I was stuck sentences, paragraphs ago.

Love.

My eyes were wide with disbelief. My heart was racing so fast I was surprised it hadn't burst.

I wanted to speak! I desperately wanted to say something, anything, but I was still frozen, stuck on her word, love.

"Ezra? Are you even listening to me?"

Her teasing voice snapped me out of my trance. Finally, I had the will to speak.

"Y-you. You love me."

It wasn't a question. It was a clarification to myself. I had to say it out loud to convince myself it was real.

She clamped a hand over her mouth, her golden eyes filled with a giddy terror.

"You!" I sputtered, scrambling off the cot. "You like me! You," I gasped, "You love me."

"Ezra-"

"You said that! Oh my fuck, you said that right? I didn't imagine that?"

Everything felt so light, I didn't notice the heaviness in my tired body. I felt euphoric. And incredibly light-headed.

Sabine was red and flushed, evidently still reeling from her accidental confession.

She didn't answer me.

"Oh my - can we just cut out the bullshit? Can this conversation finally just have an actual ending? Can we just acknowledge the feelings we've both obviously been carrying around?" I pleaded. "No more maybes, no more later, no more afters. I'm so fucking in love with you, so please just-"

"I love you too."

I felt my frustration dissipate in an instant.

Her smile was warm, her eyes glittering with unshed tears.

I stood there in the center of the cell, a lovesick fool.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I've been in love with you for a lot longer than I'd care to admit," she said sheepishly. "But I thought it was about time to start being honest."

"Yeah, no shit," I giggled.

My eyes met hers, and suddenly the air around us was electric.

My body was suddenly filled with a displaced urgency.

I staggered back to the cot, everything about her drawing me in with a terrifying magnetic pull.

Her hands reached and found the sides of my face. Her thumb brushed away tears I didn't realize I had shed.

Despite the unsavory circumstances, this moment felt golden. For just a moment, I wasn't afraid.

And with a click, gold turned to gray.

I didn't even have to turn around to know who was waiting for me at the cell door. Every day, at the same time.

Sabine's eyes widened with terror since she now knew where I disappeared to daily.

"No," she cried, her arms instinctively wrapping around my torso. I winced, my body still tender from the lashes. "No no no no-"

She was begging now, clinging to me tighter as the guard approached me to take me away.

Normally I would silently accept my fate and leave the room without resistance.

But all I felt now was rage.

I had my own pocket of happiness, and I couldn't even enjoy it for another five minutes. I was stuck in this hell with Sabine when both of us deserved to be home.

So I thrashed against the guard's strength, as much as I could muster. I wanted to stay.

The last thing I remember was her hand being torn from mine, followed by hopeful promises that I would come back.


I was surprised to find that I was being led to the medic instead of the glass cage. My heart skipped a beat as we passed the hallway that I usually went down.

There, I was wordlessly greeted by a new medic. She was much smaller in stature than the clumsy guard that usually dressed my wounds after my daily session.

She was gentle, removing the bandages. She applied a soothing ointment that hadn't been used before on the cuts that lined my back. She even addressed the bullet wound that had been neglected for hours.

In just under an hour, I was stitched up, and layered with new bandages.

And in entered the person who I hoped would entertain my curiosity. Mortimer stood in the doorway, looking oddly satisfied with himself.

"Why the hell did you do all of this? Wasn't I supposed to-"

"If you were smart," he interrupted, "you would've led with a 'thank you.'"

Mortimer was met with my angry silence instead.

"I have no intention of killing you, so when I heard about Aje's little...liberties," he explained, gesturing to the bullet wound, "I figured it would be no sweat to have you patched up."

"What?" I snarked, "Just so you can reopen a new wound tomorrow?"

"I'm actually here to offer you a deal, young Jedi."

I sat in shock on the medic table. He's offering me a deal?

"I'm actually offering you a way out, to be frank. You get to go free, and go run back to your little rebellion," the lizard laughed, "But Sabine is mine. It's simple really. Your life for hers."

My instincts screamed 'No' at the idea of leaving her behind to rot in a cell, but a wiser part of me realized I could just come right back with the rest of the crew for a rescue!

...but that meant leaving her at the hands of Mortimer. Who held a hefty vendetta against her clan. Who had every intention of torturing her before I intervened.

For all I knew, I could come back to rescue her...and she might already be dead.

As long as I stayed, it somewhat guaranteed her survival. There had to be another way.

"I'm not leaving her behind," I said sharply.

Mortimer clicked his tongue in disapproval. "I thought maybe before you were just playing the selfless hero, but now I'm convinced you might just be stupid. Sticking your neck out for people only gets you so far." He paused, then called over his shoulder, "Escort him back."


I stood there at the front of the cell, the door is shut behind me. Sabine was perched on the edge of the cot, hesitant to approach me.

"Today was weird," I said, breaking the silence.

"Ezra-"

"Today broke the pattern. No torture. They just stitched up the bullet wound and redid my bandages."

There's that tension again. That electricity.

"Every time you leave," she said shakily, "I'm afraid you're not coming back."

...and mere minutes ago I contemplated doing just that.

But I wasn't going to leave her here. Someday, I didn't know when, we would leave this place together.

I stared at the beautiful girl in front of me, my once childish crush now someone that I loved deeply. Cared for deeply.

The urgency I felt before returned. I wanted to close the distance between us as fast as possible. I just needed to be near her, feel her, touch her-

"Ezra?"

I was breathing hard and heavy. I couldn't tell if it was anxiety, or something else.

Hearing my name on her lips felt so holy. I wanted her to keep saying my name, over and over again. I wanted to feel her skin under my fingers, wanted to know what she tasted like...

...oh fuck.

It became very apparent what I wanted. But I also didn't want to scare the shit out of her. So I stayed put. I needed to relax.

Sabine rose from the cot and began to close the distance between us slowly.

Shit shit shit shit-

"Ezra you're being weird, did something happen out-"

"You said to ask you if I could kiss you," I blurted. Shit. Abort! Abort!

Sabine blinked at my frantic thought.

"I want to kiss you. It's all I've been thinking about since this morning. Even out there, you're all I've been thinking about."

Sabine giggled. "All this fuss over a kiss? You look like you're going to throw up."

"Because I want you."

She was within arms reach of me, but I kept my hands tightly to my chest. My body was growing hot with want for her, with need for her.

My last thought echoed in the room, the confession sitting in silent wait for her response.

I felt frozen in place. My head and heart wanted to return to that golden moment, that tenderness we shared in the morning, but my body was betraying me. It felt nothing but intense desire, at the absolute worst time and place.

"Show me," she commanded, her voice trembling.

I swallowed hard at her earnest response. My eyes shifted down to her lips, and then back up at her eyes. A silent plea for what I wanted.

She drew a hand up to the back of my neck, her fingers weaving between my hairs.

I loved her. And she loved me.

(...)

There was an undeniable excitement in her eyes as she leaned into me, her lips taking mine in a gentle kiss. Sabine was hesitant at first but then kissed me more urgently, her hips tilting into mine.

Her hands moved to grab my face and deepen the kiss.

The sweet slowness of it all was disrupted, like a switch being flipped.

Everything suddenly felt so frantic, our limbs tangling, grabbing at any part of us that we could hold. It was difficult to remember to breathe, because I was so lost in her lips, in her touch.

We stumbled backward, further into the cell, Sabine hitting the wall with a thud.

I continued with fervent kisses along her jaw, trailing down her neck, sucking gently at the edge of her shoulder.

Her skin was soft and supple, but feeling her toned muscles beneath my lips was exhilarating. It was salty, but sweet nonetheless.

Above me, she was gasping for air, her hands tangling themselves further in my hair.

"Fuck..." she pleaded, barely above a whisper.

I pressed myself into her, feeling the heat growing between her legs.

Without warning, she grabbed the hem of my worn-out shirt and started yanking it off my body. My shoulders and back protested with shoots of pain, but the adrenaline coursing through my body made it so I couldn't care less.

My shirt had been long forgotten, now somewhere discarded in the cell, along with Sabine's shirt that she haphazardly threw off. The moment she was finished, her lips crashed into mine once more, her tongue begging for entrance into my mouth.

I could hardly process what was happening. It was a mixture of pleasure, pain, and primarily terror.

This isn't what I envisioned my first brush with intimacy as, but I was too swept up to care. Never mind the guards that probably lined the hallways. Never mind the aches in my body.

For a moment, it didn't matter what was at stake. She was here, and she was real, and she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

Sabine drew my bottom lip in with her teeth, unearthing an involuntary moan from my throat.

My lips still locked to hers, I moved my hands to lift the under armor remaining on her body. I didn't bother lifting it over her head, but just enough so her breasts were released from the tight fabric.

All I could think about was what I could do to elicit the sounds of pleasure I longed to hear.

As I palmed her breasts for the first time, she separated from the kiss with a gasp. Her eyes were locked onto mine, her forehead pressed against me. Small beads of sweat lined her face. Her breath was hot and heavy against my neck, her gasps interrupted by soft cries of pleasure as she continued to move against me.

I wanted more of those sounds. I was already exhilarated by the fact that her face of pleasure was my doing. Eyes closed, lips gently parted, cheeks flushed...

But I wanted to hear her.

I moved my mouth down to her breasts, and took one into my mouth, running my tongue over her nipple.

The sound that escaped her throat sent a heartbeat straight to my groin.

I sucked harder, her gasps and moans stifled by the hand she had used to cover her own mouth. Her fingers faltered long enough to let a word slip.

"Ezra..."

Hearing my name fall off her lips was indescribable. I wanted her to say it again, over and over again.

She pulled me back up to meet her in another deep kiss, her bare body pressed against my chest.

I felt her hips earnestly grind against my body as she drew my thigh between her legs. I pressed forward gently, and she whimpered at the contact.

Her hands began to wander, exploring my chest, running up and down my torso and my arms. She touched as much bare skin as she could, whatever wasn't hidden by the bandages.

Sabine dragged her fingers down to the hem of my pants and stopped to look up at me for approval.

Her gold eyes were clouded with lust, shimmering in the low, flickering light.

"Are you not afraid someone will hear us?" I asked shakily, barely remembering how to breathe. The question was almost pointless; she had been making so much noise it was a miracle we hadn't already been interrupted.

"Guards won't check on us until morning when they change the rations."

I should've felt relief knowing this, but my hesitation still lingered.

Is this how I wanted my first time to be remembered? While being held hostage with our lives at stake?

Why not wait until we were rescued?

...were we going to be rescued?

What if we never went home? If this is going to be the rest of my life, shouldn't it be okay for us to keep going?

Sabine must have seen the dissonance in my stare, so she removed her hands.

"I know," she whispered, her voice cracking at the end. I could tell she was trying to keep her composure.

And not doing a very good job.

"It's not how I wanted things to be either. I wish we were home too," she said, reading the story my eyes were telling.

"I wish I could promise you a more romantic first time when we got home," I joked, the lightness in my voice betrayed by the heaviness of my insinuation.

Maybe we were never going home.

"We can stop, if this is too much," she whispered, taking my hand into hers.

I hadn't adjusted yet to her gloveless hand. Years of a piece of fabric separating our touch. My hand in hers suddenly felt like the most intimate moment of this encounter, despite everything that happened in the last few minutes.

As things slowed down, and the adrenaline wore off, I was greeted by a familiar heaviness.

I needed to sit down.

My eyes glanced to the cot when the thought came to mind. "I need to-" I started, but didn't finish. My body faltered a bit, my knees weak from moving so quickly before.

Sabine wordlessly led me to the cot in understanding, my hand still gently tucked in hers.

First, she helped me get situated in my spot, and carefully laid beside me, keeping an unusual amount of distance between us.

My heart was still pounding, and my body was still full of heat with no place to go.

I glanced to the girl beside me, but her eyes were locked firmly on the ceiling.

"I didn't-" I started, unsure if I should even finish. "I didn't mean for things to stop there."

Sabine drew in a breath. Slow, but even. She chewed the inside of her cheek in contemplation.

"...you didn't?" she replied.

"Not really," I answered, letting out a small chuckle. "It was a little hard to focus after a while when I felt like I was going to pass out."

The tension was broken as she giggled in response. "That's fair, I guess."

I redirected my focus to the ceiling as well, joining Sabine.

"This is just...the least romantic scenario that I can think of for where to do that sort of thing. I just wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do to keep going."

My explanation hung in the air for a moment.

Her hand crossed the distance between us to intertwine her fingers with mine.

"...I wish you didn't stop," she whispered.

Those words alone brought back the heartbeat in every limb.

"I know it's not perfect," she continued, "but for all we know, this could be it. And I don't want to live the rest of my life wishing I had done something about the way I feel about you."

I couldn't help but agree. It was tragic, accepting the possibility that we may never live to see the conclusion of the rebellion.

If we kept telling ourselves that we would deal with it once we got back to the crew, the false hope would mean never getting to revel in this feeling now.

It didn't mean we had to extinguish all hope. But at the very least, we had to consider the hopeless alternative.

Tears brimmed in my eyes, at the idea of never seeing my newfound family again. At the idea of coming so far, only to die at the hands of a criminal.

But at least I had her.

"If we do get out of here..." I winced at my own use of the word if.

Resignation. Acceptance. This is how it had to be.

"...I promise we'll have a redo on all of this."

Her hand squeezed mine.

"Okay."

I finally moved to look over at her and was surprised to find Sabine's eyes waiting for me.

Tension returned between us, and it was clear we were thinking the same thing.

The want we both felt for each other was coupled with sadness. Our love for each other was finally starting to blossom, but it bloomed in darkness.

These weren't supposed to be the circumstances for a confession.

Was it naive to believe that we would get to wait until the war was over?

Was our love always going to be illicit? Poorly timed? Behind closed doors?

It didn't matter now. We weren't granted the serenity of endless time to figure things out. We never were.

The cot shifted beneath me as Sabine turned to face me. Her hand had wandered so she was tracing circles on the edge of my torso.

My skin tingled beneath her fingertips, heat pooling in the bottom of my stomach.

"Do you want to keep going?" I asked in a hushed tone, desperation dripping from my voice.

Sabine quickly nodded, her lips parting with a gasp.

I moved to try and kiss her lips again, but my body, especially my shoulder, begged me not to move. Wincing in pain, I flopped back onto the cot.

"I'll come to you instead, okay?" she suggested, shifting so her body was hovering over me.

I looked up at her in awe, her brightly colored hair hanging in her eyes, her arms, toned and flexed, planted on either side of my head.

Her under armor remained, pulled down over her body once more.

I haphazardly started to pull at the edge of the fabric, but I couldn't seem to move it far enough up her body.

Sabine silently took over, tossing it over the edge of the cot.

Her body was breathtaking. She was small in stature, but her body was toned and muscular. I couldn't help but run my hands over the exposed skin, goosebumps appearing under my touch.

My hands moved up to softly cup her breasts again, rolling her nipples between my fingertips. Sabine leaned into the touch and began grinding her core against me.

I was already hard, and I was desperate for her to finally touch me. Desperate to know what it felt like to be inside her.

Now all that separated us was her pants and mine.

Too many layers of fabric.

She took my lips in a gentle kiss, her lower body still moving against me in a steady rhythm.

My hands had navigated down to her waist, pressing her even further against me, eliciting a simultaneous moan from the both of us.

"Sabine," I breathed heavily, "can you-" I begged, tugging at the hem of her cargo pants. "Please. Fuck, please."

She couldn't help but smile at my excitement, so she hopped off the cot to take off her pants, leaving her only in her undergarments. It was small and black, the only thing remaining on her body.

Her hands lingered at the waistband, and her eyes nervously met mine.

I gave her a reassuring smile in return. She fumbled awkwardly, removing the last of the fabric, but then there she stood, beautiful as ever.

Sabine rejoined me on the cot and carefully helped me remove the last of my clothes. Before I had time to think about it, she took me in her hand, running her palm up and down the length of my shaft.

My eyes rolled back at the sensation. I could hardly believe any of this was real.

This time, it was me who initiated a fervent kiss, our tongues fighting for dominance over one another. My hands were digging into her waist, pulling her so she was on top of me again.

I had so many things I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to feel, wanted to taste...

...but I couldn't stop my eyes from shifting nervously to the door. I couldn't imagine what consequences awaited us if we were caught.

Maybe nothing. But I was nervous nonetheless.

"Touch me," she begged, breaking the connection between us. She moved my hand down the front of her torso, resting above the patch of dark curls in between her legs.

Panic filled my body. I didn't know what I was doing.

It must've been written on my face because she let a giggle slip. "It's okay, I don't know what I'm doing either. Just-" she gasped. "Oh, oh, oh fuck..."

I had taken two fingers and run them along her slit, my chest swelling with satisfaction as she frantically clamped a hand over her mouth.

She made more noise when I moved my hand closer to the top, so I lingered there, rubbing in gentle circles.

Sabine was dripping in between her legs, my fingers slick as they worked to draw out more moans from her.

I could feel her entrance under my fingertips, and all I could think about was what she was going to feel like. How it was going to feel when I was inside her.

I plunged a finger inside her, and she cried out at the new sensation. I plunged another inside, curling my fingers.

Sabine's thighs had tightened around my torso, her hips thrusting into my hand.

My heart was beating so loudly I could hear it in my ears. There was a pressure building inside me that demanded to be released.

I removed my fingers, anxious to keep going. Anxious to finally be inside her.

She followed my lead, positioning herself above me.

I struggled to keep in a groan as she sank herself onto my cock. She was warm, and tight around me.

She pressed herself down, stopping only when she made contact with my body. As she slid down, we let out a moan in unison, our eyes locking in an intimate gaze.

Her hands were pressed against my chest firmly, her nails digging into my skin.

I bucked against her gently, urging her to move. I could hardly restrain myself.

Sabine lifted her hips slowly and brought herself down a second time. The pace was painfully slow, but the pleasure was overwhelming.

My hands were on her hips, gently guiding her up and down as she rode me.

It was nice to enjoy the slowness of this moment. The encounter initially started as frantic and anxious, but now I had the time to enjoy every breath, every gasp, every last touch.

As long as I lived, no matter how long that was, I would always love her.

I would always want her.

"Oh fuck," she whimpered, her hands moving to take my cheeks into her palms.

"I-I love you-u," I panted, my syllables staccatos in-between my breaths.

"I l-love you too-o," she gasped, keeping her voice low as she could manage. We were doing our best to contain our noises, but that was proving to be a challenge.

The pressure in my body returned, begging for more and more, begging for a place to go.

I needed to feel more of her, all of her.

My grip tightened on her hips, stopping her mid-movement, and I kept her elevated above me. I called on my remaining strength and began to move into her from the bottom.

The rhythm was awkward and clumsy at first, but I began picking up speed, my thrusts becoming faster and deeper.

Sabine's jaw merely hung on its hinges, her eyes tightly closed as she threw her head back in pleasure. She was terrifyingly quiet, but subtle squeaks were escaping her throat despite her efforts to hold back.

Our bodies were frantically crashing together, my hands gripping her waist desperately as I thrust myself into her.

That pressure in me was building, pulling me closer to an unseen edge.

As euphoric as this feeling was, she needed to get off me, now.

I practically tore her hips off of mine, and let my cock fall onto my bare stomach. Without even having to move, I finished, the world around me turning fuzzy.

Stars lined my vision as I struggled to catch my breath.

...holy shit.

In my recovery, I hadn't noticed that Sabine was still hovering above me, her fingers lost between her legs.

The sight alone was enough to kill me. Sabine was going to cum and I got to sit right beneath her and watch it all happen.

Watch her unravel as she came onto her frantic fingertips.

I didn't trust myself enough to completely take over.

...but I also knew I wasn't interested in merely being a voyeur.

"Let me help too," I whispered, pressing kisses along her neck and shoulders. "Tell me what to do."

"I-inside me," she pleaded. "Put your fingers inside me."

I did as I was instructed, inserting two fingers back into her entrance, joining Sabine's efforts.

She moved her hand faster and faster, and I did my best to match her pace.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. But I couldn't decide where to look.

Up at her face, eyes rolling back and cheeks flushed a bright pink, lips swollen and lightly bruised.

Or down at our hands, working in tandem to draw her closer to climax.

"Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop-" she begged, her voice rising in pitch at every syllable.

Her walls began to clench tighter around my fingers, and her thighs began to shake.

I used my free hand to guide her face down to mine, swallowing her cries of ecstasy with a deep kiss to prevent her from echoing throughout the hallway.

We stayed there for a moment, both of us drawing in labored, shaky breaths, foreheads pressed together.

Time was slowing down with us, every interval longer than the last.

Sabine rolled over to fill the empty spot beside me, still draping her limbs atop mine.

The bliss that lingered between us had long since gone, leaving me feeling sticky and gross.

Hygiene was one of the more difficult things to maintain since our capture, one lavatory shared between us in the cell, the running water of the faucet hardly clean enough to remove the grime from our skin.

Safe to say, we smelled like shit.

And a fair part of me felt like shit too. I was supposed to be feeling warm, content, and happy. Laying comfortably with the person I loved, limbs tangled under soft blankets, tomorrow ahead of us.

I felt cheated. Just a little bit.

But I did my best to put my mixed emotions aside. Sabine was here, her breath warm against my neck.

Maybe I could pretend for a moment. Pretend that everything was going to be okay.

Somehow, things were going to be okay.