Chapter 54 / Build
June 1st, 2012 / Evening
Kyoto - Hotel Room 304
RISE'S POINT OF VIEW
Today had been mostly pictures. Photo shoots and a bunch of people trying to tell us what would be better for our look. And Kayane's Mom, Nanase-san, basically telling them to mind their own business. It was certainly a lot different atmosphere than it was when I had been an Idol on my own. It had always been just a bunch of adults telling me what was best and what I should do with my appearance and my career. Not that what I said mattered at that point. The adults dictated everything in my career. The first time I really had spoken up had been when I had quit. Now, I had a say in everything and I was pretty vocal.
Most of that had to do with me looking out for Kayane and ensuring that he could deal with whatever we had to do. I think I spent more time worried about him then I did really considering my own situation. Nanase-san had taken note of it and had made sure that I wasn't being made to wear more revealing clothing. We wanted the whole band to have a cohesive aesthetic so unlike when I was an idol when they wanted to make sure I stood out regardless of who I was with. It was a new way of thinking and I loved it.
The best part of the photo shoot today was when it was just Kayane and I. We were really playing up the mystery we wanted to show of our relationship. To keep all of our fans guessing on if we were a couple or not. It was a publicity stunt but it was more on the side of wanting to keep people out of our personal lives. And alternatively anything we were seen doing could fuel a debate among our fans. I also couldn't hide the fact that on occasion, Kayane would need my support to deal with crowds.
Speaking of, Kayane had done an amazing job today. He worked surprisingly well as a model. Only that the limitation is that no one was allowed to touch him. It was one of his stipulations. And Nanase-san had done an amazing job at ensuring that it was quite clear to the people that worked with Kayane. He hadn't had a anxiety attack since we have been doing all the promotional material for our album this week.
We had finished a while ago but I was doing my homework. So weird that I'm the only one in the band still in school. Everyone else has graduated now, so they could focus on the band if they wanted to. That wasn't what was actually happening though. The others were all taking the summer term off while we start our careers, but then they all had plans to continue going to school in some form. Kayane would be going to cram school and is considering going to college for musical theory. Though he has interest in business so he is still thinking about it. The others were a bit varied.
Saya-san actually wanted to go to college to study history. Her ultimate goal was to become a history teacher. After spending time with her, it makes a lot of sense. She is so shy but recently she had begun to open up to everyone in the band and it was obvious that she was incredibly smart and knew her history. Tsubasa was actually an artist and she drew her own manga. She wanted to go to college to get something related to performance and creative writing, that way she could hopefully improve her writing skills and storytelling. Taro wanted to stay in music, but he wanted a business degree so that he can better understand deals and ensure he is never on the bad side of a deal. And Reiko basically wanted to follow Taro but she was opting to go into financing. It all made a weird kind of sense.
And I still had two years to finish High School. I mean I was only...
A knock came to my door. I checked the time. I guess it was late afternoon now, there was still a lot of the day left. We had gotten an early start today after all. I got up from the low table I was sitting at and went to the door and opened the door.
"Kayane?" I see my boyfriend dressed in his usual all black attire but it was a bit more formal than usual.
"Got something for you," he said before he pulled a bouquet of red roses from behind his back and handed the to me. I blinked as I took the flowers. I smelled them and then looked blankly up at him. He stepped forward and kissed my cheek. "Happy Birthday."
"Huh?" I was confused for a moment and then the thought came to me. "Oh God! It is my birthday! I mean...how could I have forgotten?"
"We were heavily scheduled for today but, the rest of your night is clear. Come on, we're meeting up with the others for dinner. Nothing too crazy but we're going bowling," Kayane pushed me back into the room.
"Bowling?" I was staring at the roses. That's right, I turned 17 today. Kayane was actually only a yeah and a half older than me, as his birthday was in January. It wasn't like I had forgotten about my birthday. I remembered it this morning but the day had been so busy that I had eventually put it out of my mind. I smiled as the realization of what was happening. I took a moment to smell the roses and looked up at Kayane who was nervously standing there. "Its beautiful, Kayane."
"Yeah, well go get changed. The others are waiting down in the lobby for us so we can walk to the bowling alley," Kayane was pushing me but I could see the embarrassment he had in eyes as he was trying to avoid directly looking at me now.
"Alright, alright. You go ahead and head down to the lobby and I'll change and freshen up a bit and meet you all, okay?" I said as I gently took his arm and juggled the roses in my left hand.
He nodded, "Okay, meet you downstairs." He bent down a bit and kissed my cheek one more time before he left the room. I closed the door behind him and sighed heavily as I leaned against the close door and looked at the roses. "He bought me flowers." I felt a tension rising as my smile seemed to grow before I suddenly became just a mess of giggles. "He really got me flowers." I smelled them one more time before I moved away from the door and collapsed onto the hotel bed.
I have gotten so many flowers over the years as an idol. Many by fans, and people that did so more out of courtesy than anything meaningful. This was the first time that Kayane had done something like this...as my boyfriend. Or really had physically given me anything. Not to say that Kayane had never given me anything. It's just that his usual gifts aren't something I can put on a shelf. Just being around him, the way he encourages me and cheers me on were gifts. Although he was really hard on himself. Probably more than I thought. No, this wasn't a time to think about all that. I was going to go out and have fun with my boyfriend and friends.
I changed into a more comfortable outfit. Loose fitting blue jeans and a pink tank top and then touched up my makeup. Nothing fancy mind you, but just to have something. I locked the door behind me and then took the elevator down to the lobby where everyone was waiting.
"You ready, birthday girl?" Taro asked as Reiko was apparently trying to show him something on her phone but he was going out of his way to ignore her.
"It's been forever since I've gone bowling," Tsubasa was smiling. "We haven't gone since our first year of Yasogami. Right, Saya?"
Saya nodded, "Well there isn't a bowling alley in close distance to Inaba. So we only went because we were at my Aunt's place over Golden Week."
"Why bowling though?" Taro groaned.
"It's so we can get some good food and not do anything to physically demanding. It's more relaxing. Besides it isn't like we'd want to go to a karaoke bar," Kayane said and the whole group gave a collective nod. Music was our life right now...and even as much as we all enjoyed music we were all in agreement that we'd want at least some time away from it.
"Well, let's go! We got a birthday to celebrate!" Reiko cheered.
We didn't have far to walk. The bowling alley was only a couple blocks down from the hotel. Well, that was good because I was pretty tired from the day but I was also energetic because of the surprise. I hadn't expected anything for my birthday with how chaotic life had been lately. Kayane was spending a lot of time with Setsuko, which was great to see, but I haven't had much time with him as a result. Still he had a sister now...so even I was spending time with her when I was able. The concert was still over a month away but there was so much to do, plus a couple of TV guest appearances to do. And also one where the whole band would be in a popular TV series. We still hadn't heard any details about what it would entail. It wasn't too important as most of what we were doing wouldn't show until after the Love Meets Bonds festival.
Everything seemed to hinge on the festival. It was our big debut. And the LMB was going to be broadcasted on TV. So yeah it was an incredibly big deal. But it was a better idea to not get too overloaded with the big picture. It was an easy way to feel way too much pressure. Which is also why I only let Kayane look a week ahead at a time. If anyone I needed to be aware of stress levels with it was specifically Kayane.
Before I had realized it we had arrived at the bowling alley and entered. It was somewhat busy but it wasn't crowded. We got our lane, and shoes and headed to the lane on the far end, thanks to a request from Tsubasa. We all settled in before we got our bowling balls and set up to play. But before we started we ordered food. I had been craving a bowl of spicy ramen all day so I got just that. After everything was situated we were ready to start bowling.
The bowling order turned to be this:
Tsubasa
Reiko
Taro
Saya
Myself
Kayane
We had paid to play a total of three games, which is the amount of games you were supposed to play. Well either way we were planning to take our time and have fun, and a bit of laziness mixed in.
Then we started. It became clear very quickly who actually knew what they were doing. I hadn't played in so long that Kayane had to remind me how to play. Not that I minded having an excuse to be close to Kayane.
"Looks like Taro-kun is wiping the floor with all of us," Tsubasa giggled.
It was something we had decided as a band lately. We would all call each other by our first names. It would be easier for us to maintain a consistency in front of media if we had a consistent way we referred to each other. I think the discussion happened because among us, some already called each other by first names. We just wanted to ensure nothing could be learned by us making a slip up. No way to slip up if we are all on first name basis. And why shouldn't we be close anyway? We're a band and would be spending a lot of time together.
"Taro used to go bowling a lot with his family," Reiko gave an answer to Taro's pretty much dominant lead over us.
"A time that you also would smuggle yourself into," Taro said dryly as he picks up his drink.
"Admit it, you'd be bored without me around," Reiko teased.
"I'd have less headaches if you weren't around," Taro muttered before taking a drink. Considering how much time they spent together it was getting harder for me to believe that. I'd be more inclined to believe that he isn't sure what to do when she isn't around.
"You seem to be having fun though," Tsubasa was quick to point out. "What do you think, Kayane-kun?"
Kayane who had been at my side just silently drinking his green tea looked over for a moment but then shrugged, "Its a good change of pace. Standing in front of a bunch of people with camera's telling us to look left, now right, now look serious, now smile big...I didn't think it could be so exhausting."
"And you did brilliantly," I comment and casually laid my head on his shoulder.
"Careful, we are in public," Kayane warns.
"We're fine for now. After our debut, it will be something to be mindful about," I said patting his arm. I know he was worried about the rumors that we were dating. There were some legitimate concerns. Most of it was us trying to not lose a portion of our potential fan base. And there was something that attracted people to the whole, will they or won't they type of scenario. The main reason was we just didn't want people to delve into our personal life.
How strange that life had come almost full circle. As an Idol I had spent most of my time thinking that no one saw the real me...and I wanted them too. I wanted them to see me for who I really was...not the Idol Risette. It was different now. That was no longer my concern this time around. The world could think whatever it wanted of me. I already had people that saw me for who I was. And one of them stood next to me...would be standing on a stage with me. And I couldn't be happier to have him at my side.
"Rise-chan, are you okay?" Saya asked diverting my attention.
"Huh?" I looked to her and realized that a tear had escaped my eye. I quickly wiped it away. "Its nothing. I just feel lucky to be here. When I left being an Idol, it was because I lost my way. It was like I couldn't remember why I had become an idol. I knew that something felt wrong. I could stand on a stage with hundreds of people screaming my name. But they were blank faces...just nameless people what I couldn't connect with. Something I realized when my Uncle died. The one who had gotten me into the Idol industry to begin with."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Saya said. All of the members of Synchronicity were paying attention to me now. "Your Uncle dying must have been the starting point, right?'
"You didn't give yourself a chance to grieve. Or rather the constant push of the industry didn't let you. Or maybe a combination of both," Kayane spoke up.
"I thought throwing myself to my work was what Uncle Hideo would have wanted. To see me continuing to be the Idol he pushed me to become. But looking back at it now, and all the things my Uncle said to me...that wasn't true at all," I shook my head. "He wanted to help me, to give me confidence. Not so I could be an Idol and stand on a stage. He wanted me to stand up and face my problems head on, instead of cowering in my room and crying. I realized that I had already done what my Uncle wanted me to do after I came back to Inaba. I learned a lot about myself...who I am and what I want to be. Now I know I can go back on stage and truly be me. Not for my Uncle, or my fans or even my friends but for myself."
"I'm sure your Uncle would be proud," Tsubasa smiled.
"That's beautiful, Rise-chan!" Reiko then jumped forward and pulled me into a hug and intentionally grabbing Kayane as well. "D'ah you are just so cool!"
To my surprise Kayane didn't resist it and even laughed. "Come on, let's get on to the main event huh?" Kayane said as Taro pulled Reiko off of us.
"Oh, here, this is from Saya and I," Tsubasa stepped forward and handed me a box. "It isn't much but we thought you'd like it."
Well it wasn't a tiny box, but it wasn't that big either. It was wrapped in a blue with star shapes wrapping paper. I pulled off the wrapping and opened the box without much difficulty. Inside was a...picture frame? I pulled it up and it was a picture...one of all of us together. When was this? This had to be some time after we had become a band.
"Tsukio-sensei got us a copy of the picture she got of us from our first official practice. We though it would be a reminder to you for where we started at," Saya spoke up.
It was a significant movement forward. A change in my life that I would never forget. I guess even more so with this to look at. I smiled, "Thank you, both of you. I love it."
"Here, this one is from me, Rise-chan!" Reiko pulled out something from a bag and handed to me. It was a stuffed animal, I turned to look at it. It was a bear? But she had done some detail work to it. Actually...now looking at it this bear looked a lot like... "I call it Kay-bear."
That's it...the eyes and general looks had a striking resemblance to Kayane. "This is amazing! Did you do this, Reiko-chan?"
"Yep! This is so you always have a Kayane to snuggle with," Reiko beamed.
She had even dressed it in custom all black clothing with mini chains and what seemed to be a would be claw ring. Something I hadn't seen Kayane where in quite some time. Well, Reiko had certainly done her research. I was smiling and immediately hugged it before looking to Kayane and showing the bear to him, "Look it even has your usual scowl."
"I'll just have to start smiling all the time so it isn't accurate anymore," Kayane chuckled.
"Don't worry, Rise-chan. I'll make sure it's always accurate," Reiko commented.
"Sorry, Rise-san," Taro said pulling Reiko back. "I wasn't able to really get you anything special but here." Taro handed me an envelope. As I opened it he explained what it was. "Just some gift cards for a movie theater. Though you'll probably want to use them sooner than later. Before the LMB."
"Thanks, Taro-san," I smiled. This would be pretty fun to drag Kayane to, so it was still a good gift.
Kayane then offered me a small box. Well it wasn't that small, it was a bit bigger than my hand. I took it and briefly locked eyes with him before I opened the box. In it was a necklace? No, it was a chain and on it was...
"Dog tags, for all of us," Kayane said as he reached for his neck and revealed a chain with a single dog tag plate on it. Then everyone followed suit. "On it is the band name, your name and the date of our first performance together...of LMB." I pulled it out and looked at the tag...the front had the name of the band...with my own name under it. The back stated Debut: July 27th, 2012.
"This is so cool," I breathed as I pulled it out and eagerly put the chain around my neck. "Thanks, Kayane." I moved to him and put my arms around his neck.
After the brief break and some drinks we went back to bowling. Taro pretty much dominated the whole time, but we were having fun. Especially because after a while Reiko had made a game of trying to ruin Taro's concentration. But that only seemed to make him better, which made Reiko try harder. And I think that Reiko's frustration seemed to only make Taro smile. Which was a rare case. Not that Taro never smiled, he was mostly an upbeat individual but tended to seem annoyed by Reiko. But the two were so obviously comfortable with each other. I'm not sure how he would be without Reiko around.
The girls and I eventually came down to a showdown with the four of us in the last game we bowled. Saya actually won with a bit of a lead in the final couple frames thanks to her getting a spare and then a couple of strikes in the tenth frame. It was all a ton of fun and I don't think I had laughed and just felt so at ease in quite a long time. Kayane had even been smiling and joining in. It was such a welcomed change of pace. But all nights had to come to an end. And we all had to get up early to head to the studio we rented out for practice.
We got back to the hotel and we split up for the night. Kayane walked me back to my room and followed in behind me.
"Kayane, thank you," I smiled as I turned to him as he shut the door behind him.
He turned to me and raised an eye brow, "Not sure I did anything for that. I may have arranged the party but it's still up to you to enjoy it."
"You need to learn to accept my thank yous every once in a while," I walked up to him and put my arms around his neck like I had before and into his blue eyes. I wonder why he had blue eyes. They weren't usual blue eyes, they were pristine, and piercing in a way. I wonder if there was more than just Japanese blood in his family line. That would likely explain it. Well I was no expert in how genetics work, but I know it had something to do with dominant and recessive traits.
"Well what if I haven't given you everything yet?" Kayane says and his hands move my arms and then he reaches into his pocket and presents me a small black box.
My heart rate starts to climb as I take it into my hands. The size of it could only be one thing...but he wouldn't...would he? I open it...and inside was a silver ring...a simple band, nothing fancy, but my heart is racing as I look into Kayane's eyes once more.
"Things have been crazy lately. And I feel like its going to get complicated the more we keep moving forward. And I read that in some places in the world its customary to give a ring. It's a promise ring," Kayane explained as he reached forward behind my neck and undid the chain. "This ring is too big for your finger, it's meant to go on here."
I pulled out the band and notice something on the inside of the ring. An inscription? I took a closer look, To move forward, together, to the future. "Is this...the promise?"
He nodded as he silently took the ring and placed it on the chain. The ring sliding down to the dog tag. "This way, you can keep it with you, no matter what we are doing."
"Kayane..." I whisper as he puts the chain back around my neck and secures it. I reach and grasp the dog tag and ring in my hand. "I love you."
He smiled, "I love you too."
Then in what feels like way too long since the last time...he steps forward and puts his lips to mine. His hands pressing against the back of my neck and my back and I enjoyed the intimacy. This was a perfect birthday. I was 17...and at least for six months I would only be a year away from him in age...at least numerically. Are tongues clashed for a while, and neither one of us wanting to relent. I wanted more. I wanted him to touch me, to run over my body. I felt a moan escape my lips as I adjusted my angle and tried to kiss him even deeper.
For a few moments I'm in utter bliss. His lips on mine, his hands on me and every inch of my body welcoming and begging for more. But I knew it wouldn't last. Kayane broke from me after a moment and though he held a smile I could see the usual turmoil in his eyes. I could see the desire as his eyes took in my body...I knew he wanted to touch me more and take this further...but there was something else there that cause his hands to shake oh so subtly. A fear. Intimacy was a double edged sword, and it would take time to get over this road block that stood between us.
But this day had been fantastic. And I was willing to wait for that day to come on its own. With all the things that would be happening in the future, this was hardly a deal breaker for me and our relationship. I love him after all. And we had time to work through these problems.
"Amazing kisser as always, senpai," I say teasing him.
He laughs a bit, "You should head to bed, we have an early start tomorrow."
I took his hand as he pulled away from me, "How about you help me take a shower?"
He laughed a bit, "Good night, Rise." He leaned in and kissed my cheek before he left my room.
The door closed behind him and I sighed heavily as my heart rate was slowly easing down. Kayane had certainly got me more than just a bit wound up tonight. I had no idea how I was going to get any rest with how bloody horny I was right now. I do know...that whenever Kayane and I finally cross that line, that I will do everything I can to satisfy and pleasure him. I know that for him, he needs to know that sex is not something connected to violence or control over someone. That it involves a level of trust and love. There is a difference between having sex and making love. And I loved Kayane more than I could ever properly describe in words. And when I finally had the chance I will take my time showing him again and again...just how much I love him.
July 15th, 2012 / Evening
Kayane's Home - Studio
"What do you think?" Rise asked me.
"I think Nanako-chan would steal the show," I said as I shook my head. Seeing Nanako mimicking Rise was cute enough. But I think she actually has talent for this kind of thing.
"I have to agree," Yu chuckled.
"Doing great Nanako-chan. The rhythm isn't easy to keep up with, but I had a feeling you'd be able to pull it off," I praised her a bit more. "A little more work and you'll catch up to your Big Bro. And he's spent over a month trying to get it down."
"I can't refute that," Yu laughed.
"Rise-chan! Let's do it again!" Nanako was eager.
"You got it," Rise reset the song and the two were dancing again. Rise giving instructions to Nanako as they went along. Yu and I were sitting and watching. I had been practicing with Yu and Yukiko earlier. Yukiko unfortunately had to take off to help at the Amagi Inn.
It was crazy to consider that we were only about a week away from the Love Meets Bonds festival. Not to mention life had become a bit normal for once. It been a couple months since the incident involving Kagutsuchi and Minazuki Sho. I had joined the Shadow Operatives, and went to the headquarters at least once a week but there hadn't been any luck in finding the supposed fake Shadow of myself that had his own self interests in that whole affair. Everyone still seemed to be on edge with the danger still out there. Not that I could blame them. I hadn't exactly been dealing with the stress of everything very well. I knew the others could see it. It was why Rise had said that they would be preforming with us. She had talked about it with all the band members and all of them had agreed to it.
"How's your sister?" Yu asks after a moment.
"Adjusting," I shrug. "She's hesitant but I think the more time she spends with the other Shadow Operatives she is a little more understanding of them. Nee-chan is making mostly plans with how she wants to adjust and upgrade Aigis and Labrys. And thankfully because of her they have been getting along a lot better. Though I think Labrys misses spending time with me. At least the amount of time she was spending before I got so busy with all this. But she knew it was coming so it hasn't been that bad."
"I hope eventually we'll all have time to spend together and get to know each other. I think everyone wants to get to know your sister better. But we're waiting for you two to maybe feel like family, if that makes sense," Yu paused for a moment. "Does it feel different? Knowing you have a sister? A cousin?"
That was hardly an easy question, "I never thought about it. I don't think it hit me until I was sitting in a restaurant with her, Labrys and Yoko-san. Setsuko likes to ask a lot of questions. She showed me a couple videos that Labrys had in her memory. Ones that showed us as kids. Wasn't much more proof she could have to show that we really are siblings. The hard part is figuring out how to be family now. I don't really know what that means. I never really had people in my life I could rely on other than Mom. And even then I still kept most things to myself." I stopped. I still hid things to myself. Things that would definitely worry everyone...and disappoint Rise. Just goes to show how much of an idiot I am.
"That's good that you realize that. Nothing wrong with not knowing. What's important is that you connected. You have plenty of time to get to know each other and figure out what it means for both of you to be family. Don't rush things, you don't need to," Yu was using his usual soothing tone. Still it was nice to hear, and to know that Yu was never going to change. Ever the observant and always dangerous one. I wonder what would be more dangerous...Yu becoming a politician or a teacher?
I chuckled to myself as Rise and Nanako were still dancing. Rise stopping the song briefly to explain one of the more difficult parts of the dance. "Life has changed a lot."
"It will only continue to change as time goes," Yu commented. "You've certainly seen a lot of how much change can happen. Are you alright? It seems like you haven't had a chance to really adjust to everything."
"No matter what I say, it doesn't matter. The Love Meets Bonds Festival is going to be here in just over a week from today. Whether I'm ready or not. All I can do is just keep moving...and not let myself get overwhelmed by everything. Honestly, Nee-chan being around has helped because she's been able to keep Labrys with her. She isn't happy she is so dependent on the Shadow Operatives in order to take care of Labrys but I think she'll be okay with it once she gets to know everyone. And Hamuko-san has been trying to help too, along with Kana," Thinking about it, it certainly had been a non-stop roller coaster for a while. This last month of basically just normal life seems a bit out of place. Funny that a year ago life was significantly different and didn't involve any people at all. Just going to school, avoiding talking to anyone. And it was just studying and not much else. I only really listened to music...didn't play the piano too often at that point.
Saying life had changed felt like it was underselling how different my life was now. How different I was.
"So how is tomorrow going to work?" Yu asked.
Ah, right. The shoot for the commercial is tomorrow. LMB promotions were going to start in earnest on the weekend. Tomorrow was a school day so thankfully it was easy for all of us to get the time to be there. Moms said she was making arrangements for our involvement as the other performers in the LMB festival all belonged to Takura Productions. We didn't. However the marketing group wanted to get a shot of everyone performing in one place. There was conflict because of that because Ochimizu and my Mother didn't want knowledge of Synchronicity to become known before hand. They wanted to play it up as a mystery guess. The believed it would draw in a bigger crowd. But Mom said she'd deal with it before we arrived. Which is why the house was currently empty. Except for us taking the time to fulfill our promise to Nanako-chan.
"We'll meet up with everyone at the train station in the early morning so we can get to Tokyo before 11 am. I doubt many are going to be big fans of that," I chuckled a bit. "Mom will have all the details when we get to the studio. I don't really know more than that."
"It'll be fun to take everyone to the city. Plus I can show everyone my new school," Yu commented.
"I guess that way your girlfriend can hunt you down if she ever feels the need," I couldn't hide my smirk. "How is the school in the city anyway?"
"Same as it was before I left. But it isn't like my time in Inaba. Before I left, I really didn't get along with many people. Sure, I had friends but I wouldn't say I was ever close to any of them. It was more like...just passing the time," Yu was reminiscing and it didn't sound like anything happy. "Inaba and the things we faced, it changed me. Made me realize how isolated I had been before coming here."
"I'm sure you having to develop those social links to develop that power of yours made a major impact," It had been a long while since Yu had mentioned this stuff. The only reason he told me was because of the connection to the Velvet Room. It was how he managed his power and his multiple Persona.
"For a while I thought I could use different Persona because I had no real identity. That there was no real me, just like what Teddie had thought," Yu was...talking about something deeper than I realized. Now that I think about it...his power did seem to have some questions that go along with it. "Both Adachi and Namatame had a power awakened within them by Izanami. But my power was different. And I don't think you can explain Persona or Shadows that simply. It doesn't feel like it was talent or a latent potential. It was more...I was in the right position and motivation to use that power, so it was gifted to me."
"Because in the end it was still up to you on developing that power," I said after a moment. "If you hadn't then you might have lacked what was needed in a critical moment."
"Yeah, and I think it fits with how Persona works. It reflects our hearts and who we are. My desire was to protect everyone and our relationships and bonds. So I used that to wear an appropriate mask...a Persona fit for the situation," Yu nodded and smiled more to himself. "It's thanks to everyone that I'm able to be who I am today."
"I could say the same. But I think Rise and yourself are the ones I owe the most. I would have never taken a chance if you hadn't been so persistent on getting me to spend time with Rise. Although she is pretty stubborn. Even more now than before," I chuckled again. "We should be careful though. We've done well up to this point but we can't bludgeon our way through everything with pretty words and strength alone."
Yu laughed, "Well now we can dance."
I laughed as well, "Tell you what. If you ever defeat a Shadow with your dance moves I'll pay for a weekend trip for you and Yukiko."
He grinned, "I'll hold you to that."
"Whacha two talkin' about?" Rise asked as her and Nanako seemed to finish up.
"I'm wondering which of our friends is going to need help waking up in the morning. My bets are on Kanji," I shift the conversation.
"I'm thinking Yosuke. He's been nervous so I think he'll sleep in a bit too late," Yu added.
"Onii-chan, I want to go to!" Nanako spoke up.
Yu shook his head, "You'll get to be at the concert but this is for the performers only."
"Plus Nanako-chan, you're one of the only people that knows we are going to be preforming. You have the inside track," I figured I'd help ease the disappointment a bit. "And you'll get to see us backstage and everything else. You'll be a real VIP when you are there."
"You also totally nailed that dance Nanako-chan. You'll be an expert in no time," Rise moved next to me.
"I can't wait!" Nanako cheered.
Yu got to his feet, "Well, Nanako and I should head home. You two should get some rest too. It'll be a long day tomorrow. Well I guess you two would know better than me."
"They'll be a lot of standing around in our stage outfits. Nothing too exciting. But we still don't know exactly what we will be doing until we get there," Rise explained as we then led Nanako and Yu to the front of the house.
Yu and Nanko opened the door and stepped out.
"Bye, Rise-chan, and Kay-chan!" Nanako waved and after a few moments they were gone.
I closed the door and another realization hit. I was home alone with Rise. When was the last time that had happened? Best not to think too much about it. "What should we have for dinner?" I ask casually and made my way to the kitchen.
"Nothing too heavy. We don't want to end up with an upset stomach or anything," Rise followed me as I went to the pantry and looked in. She peered over my shoulder, "Not too much left is there? We haven't really been in town that often lately after all. We could make curry."
With everything that was left...that was about all we could make without running to the store. "It will have to do," I said and started pulling things out. "You got the rice?"
"On it," Rise said as she moved to pull out the rice cooker.
It was a simple quiet evening. Something that felt had been a lifetime ago since we could really enjoy. We fell into rhythm at each others sides and made dinner. We talked about silly things, like imagining what it would look like in Taro and Reiko's apartment. Our rather polar opposite bandmates that apparently had gotten an apartment together due to the fact they had been living at their school's dormitory so they had to get out after graduating. Neither wanted to move back home so they opted to get an apartment. We had all technically been paid our advance for the release of our CD. The album would hit just a month after the LMB. But the LMB was the top priority for all of us at the moment. So although Taro and Reiko had moved in together they hadn't been there much. Like the rest of us.
We had all been in and out of Tokyo and Kyoto for the most part, as promotional stuff and other jobs have gone between the two. With Tokyo being where we had primarily been at and had frequented a hotel as our home away from home. So this quiet time in my actual home was more serene than usual. Rise and I kept a normal conversation about our schedule until after we had finished eating.
We were in the kitchen and I was washing the dishes alongside Rise. It was such a mundane activity that it felt like a dream.
"I got a call from Setsuko-chan earlier today," Rise said after I passed her a glass to dry.
"Oh? Setsuko-chan is it? Getting close to my sister now?" I teased as I was cleaning a plate.
"Of course I am," Rise then playfully bumped into me. "She doesn't want to bother you all the time. Though I think she wishes we weren't so busy considering the two of you only just met. Then again it isn't like life ever has things happen when we want them to."
"So what were you talking about?" I asked.
"Us. More about the things we've gone through...and how hard it was to become your girlfriend. It wasn't until after you woke up from the coma that you called me by my first name. She was more interested in what keeps us together," Rise explained as I handed her the next of the dishes to dry.
"You told her its because you are greedy, right?" I chuckled.
"I think she's figured that out. I can't have enough of you after all," she says playfully and giggles. "I told her about our time rehearsing together for the Culture Festival."
"Ha," I scoffed. "We barely knew each other and yet you were willing to spend so much time alone with a guy two years older than you. You should have been more careful..if it had been any other guy my age it would have been different."
"Do you remember the first time I stayed the night here? The night of the storm? Any other guy would have taken advantage of me. I was in your room wearing your shirt and boxers...with no bra or panties on underneath. And you want to know a secret?" Rise asked as we had finished the dishes and were now drying our hands.
"I'm kinda worried to find out," I admitted. I didn't remember too much of that night. I remember she didn't have a change of clothes for pajamas and the power had been knocked out but Mom had already readied the bath.
"I absolutely wanted you to kiss me then," Rise turned to me as we both finished drying our hands. "Hell, I just wanted you to touch me."
"You wanted me to kiss you?" I raised an eyebrow before I shook my head and headed to the living room. I sat at the low table on the cushion and could see that the sun was already setting from the lack of light coming through the window. Rise sat on the spot on my right. "We had only known each other for a couple weeks, why would you want me to touch you...or kiss you?"
She took a deep breath, "I know it is likely hard for you to understand but...you don't know what you do to me, Kayane. When I watch you playing the piano and singing, you are so damn sexy. It drives me crazy. I get so turned on sometimes, its difficult not to put my hands on you. There have been times I've wanted nothing more than to show you just how much you effect me. But I know you. And I know that it bothers you."
I sighed as I wasn't sure what to respond with. I thought about it for a moment and shook my head, "I know its a natural thing. You've never hidden the fact that you are attracted to me. I just don't think about it because, it scares me. It wasn't until after th coma when I could finally have physical contact with any sort of normalcy. It doesn't really bother me anymore. And it isn't like I don't desire more intimacy."
"I know," Rise leaned forward over the table a bit to look into my eyes. "I can see it in your eyes when you want more. When we kiss, I know you want to keep going, but then something stops you. And you start to over think it and it scares you, so you stop. I want you to know Kayane, that even if I seem frustrated, I don't blame you. Sometimes you really get my motor running and I just want you to touch me all over. So when you stop my body wants to reach out to you and make you keep going. That is just my body trying to go on auto pilot. I can wait."
"You say that, but I feel like its not fair to you," I admit and decided against turning the TV on. I focused my attention on Rise. "It just leaves you sexually frustrated."
"Kayane, I would love for you to touch me. To have you run your hands on my body. But you realize my frustration comes because I love you so much. Because our time together only makes me want you more," she shook her head and reached over and took my hand. "We will take our time. We aren't in a rush. I'm not, and you don't need to be either. Besides we don't need to complicate our lives when we are about to be square in the public eye."
She certainly had a point with that. With us preforming we really didn't need to cause problems like that to go on behind the scene. We had enough to deal with as it was. Still...my issues dealing with intimacy were something I could just forget about. Even as hard as it was...I wanted to be capable of doing so. I wanted to be the one that could satisfy Rise. Well...dwelling on it wasn't going to help either of us. It wasn't like I was going to get better over night. And the only real important part of it was that we kept communicating with each other what our desires were and...
I looked away from Rise. I needed to be honest with her...
"Oh? Are you actually considering coming clean with her?" My Shadow's voice became known and I saw him sitting in a annoyingly relaxed position in the corner of the room. "Please. Just how understanding do you think she really is? Didn't you promise to not cut yourself anymore? And yet...what are you doing behind her back? Away from prying eyes of the 'friends' you've gained. Just how have you changed from how you were before you met them? You aren't strong. I should say...WE aren't strong at all. We are weak and deserve to be hated...to be given up on and left behind. Isn't that what you expect to happen after you ruin her career and future with this stupid band?"
Heh, as if I had that much influence on how things would turn out. I keep my eyes on the TV and silence falls between the Rise and I. I grip my arm out of Rise's view...where I had cut myself earlier this morning.
"You can't get close to her anyway, right? If you took your shirt off...she'd know," My Shadow taunted me with a fact. "Or perhaps you want to get caught? You want her to get mad at you. Hoping she will prove you right and throw you away. Just like everyone else. She's no different. One day in the future she will grow tired of you and walk away. That is what everyone does."
I wish I could deny him. But all I could do was stare at the TV and sit in silence. Rise was within arms length and she had no idea just how screwed up I was. Or how much I had lied to her. I loved her...but could I really say that when I'm not brave enough to tell her the truth? I hate myself. Everything that I do. I don't deserve her, or the love she gives me. I need to find a way to tell Rise the truth. Before I hurt her more than I already have.
Maybe I should have died when I went into that coma. Then maybe Rise would be better off than having a no good lying bastard like myself as a boyfriend.
A/N:
I was going to move ahead further in this chapter but I decided for it to be more...introspective. It's also been a long time since we got to spend some time with Kayane and Rise by themselves. And I thought it was really important for them to have a bit of time to themselves as a bit of a reminder of how they feel for each other, and even the things lingering in their minds. There is a pretty stark contrast between them. Rise is essentially at peace and happy with her place in life, and her time with Kayane. But Kayane has been hiding a bit from her. Plus the presence of his Shadow being a constant down force to him. And all of this leading into their debt and the events of Dancing All Night.
Out of all the stories from the Persona 4 games...I think Dancing All Night will be a far bigger departure than the ones before it. I'm not going to spoil why but it has been something building to this point. And hopefully you'll all enjoy it when we get there.
There isn't too much to say this time around. I really enjoyed this chapter and basically having a chance to slow things down. But starting next chapter we will be diving into Dancing All Night. I hope you'll be sticking around to see how it goes.
Thanks for taking your time to read my small piece of the internet and see you all in the next chapter!
