Jiraiya woke up the following morning hoping that somehow Tsunade was still in town. He was painfully aware of the fact that she more than likely would have already been gone due to how adamant she was on leaving the night before. Nevertheless, he wished she was still there. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, and he was desperate to learn more about how the years have treated her. It was probably never going to happen, but he wanted her to open up to him about her pain. Perhaps he could help her through her trauma.
After readying himself for the day ahead, he found himself at the door of his longtime companion's room. He was hesitant to knock for he didn't want to be disappointed in the event that he would receive no answer. Instead, he pressed his ear against the wooden door and listened closely, trying to detect some kind of presence in the room. After a few moments of careful listening, he could tell that the room was vacant. He felt defeated when he realized that Tsunade probably left town early in the morning so as to avoid seeing him entirely. Once again, he felt like a complete failure.
He forced himself down to the café instead of wallowing in self pity in the privacy of his room. He didn't want to carry on with his life as if he didn't feel such sorrow, but also refused to allow himself to sink into a depression. Therefore, he decided on having something to eat and even talking to his new friend just to get his mind off of the sadness he felt. When he entered the café, he saw Fugio serving a patron some food, and in the corner of the room he saw none other than Shizune, eating food with her faithful pet pig sitting next to her. His heart leapt with joy upon seeing the adolescent, for if she was there that meant Tsunade was close by.
He immediately walked over to Shizune and placed his hand on her shoulder to gain her attention. She then looked up at him with a gentle smile on her face, pleased to see him there, "Hello Master Jiraiya." She said respectfully.
Jiraiya looked around the room to see if he could spot his favorite blonde woman, but was unsuccessful. He wondered where she could be, "Hi Shizune." He said, "Where's Tsunade?"
Shizune sighed, "She's probably still asleep." She said, "She's hungover again."
Jiraiya should have known that Tsunade would be feeling the affects of heavy drinking. She overdid it the night before, and Jiraiya was partly to blame for that. He wanted to spend time with her and the only way he could without her objecting to it is if alcohol was involved. Now he understood why he assumed that her room was empty, she was probably just asleep.
"I know I'm to blame for that Shizune." Jiraiya said, "I'm sorry."
Shizune shook her head, "It's not a problem Master Jiraiya. I know how to take care of her when she's like this." She explained, "After I'm done eating I'll go up there and help her." Shizune was so mature for her young age. However, it was rather unfortunate that she was left to clean up Tsunade's act when she should be spending her time on her ninja studies like other shinobi her age. Even so, Shizune's love and respect for Tsunade ran deep. Therefore, taking care of her mentor's drunken state and nursing her back to sobriety had no affect on the young girl. But still, Jiraiya felt as if he owed it to her to give her a break. Furthermore, he wanted the opportunity to get to have that long anticipated conversation with Tsunade.
"Don't worry about Tsunade," Jiraiya started, "I'll head on up and take care of her."
Shizune looked at Jiraiya with a perplexed look on her face, "Are you sure about that Master Jiraiya?" She asked, "I wouldn't want to burden you."
"It's no trouble at all Shizune." Jiraiya assured the girl, "After all, if anyone knows how to nurse one of Tsunade's hangovers it's me."
In the past, when they were both living in the Leaf Village, Jiraiya and Tsunade would get drunk together on many occasions. Often times, their drinking sessions would lead to long nights of drunken bliss, but then slow mornings of terrible hangovers. As a result, Jiraiya has become quite adept at knowing exactly what Tsunade needed to recover from nights spent with bottles upon bottles of sake.
"Okay then Master Jiraiya." Shizune smiled, knowing that Jiraiya really just wanted to spend more time with her mentor, "I'll leave it to you."
Shizune finished her meal then announced that she was going to explore the town some more and perhaps even take TonTon on a walk around a nearby park. In all honesty, Shizune was just trying to come up with random things to busy herself with so that Tsunade and Jiraiya would have more time rekindle their complicated yet close friendship. She just wanted Tsunade to be happy and felt as if Jiraiya could bring her the happiness she so desperately needed. She didn't know why, but was of the belief that Jiraiya could also fix Tsunade's broken spirit.
After Shizune left with TonTon, Jiraiya walked over to Fugio and placed an order for two cups of strong coffee, and two slices of toast with raspberry preserves on the side to go.
"Is this for your friend?" Fugio asked while placing the food in a brown paper bag and handing Jiraiya the cups of coffee in a cup holder.
Jiraiya nodded his head, confirming Fugio's question, "I thought I would surprise her with a little pick-me-up." Jiraiya told the older man, "She's a bit under the weather today."
"She doesn't say much, but I think underneath her tough exterior she's a nice lady." Fugio said. He really didn't know anything at all about Tsunade, but after seeing how Jiraiya was doing everything he possible could to be around her proved that maybe there was more to Tsunade than what meets the eye.
"She's been through a lot Fugio." Jiraiya started, "There's definitely a soft side to her, it just takes a while to see it."
Jiraiya collected the food items, paid what he owed and made his way up to Tsunade's room. He was hoping that she wouldn't still be sleeping. He knocked twice on the door but received no answer. He surely didn't want to walk away and dismiss his venture as a wasted opportunity. He was almost positive that if she knew he was trying to pay her a visit, she wouldn't open the door. He had to think of another way to get her to let him in. Suddenly, a brilliant idea popped into his mind. He gently placed the paper bag that contained the food on the ground along with the cups of coffee and weaved a few hand signs before he transformed into Shizune's likeness. Now that he looked identical to the young girl, and even carried her girlish voice, he knocked on the door again and then retrieved the food from the ground.
"Lady Tsunade!" He said loudly, positive that she could hear him, "It's me, Shizune! I forgot my key. Can you please open up?" He then heard movement in the room as if someone was getting out of bed to open the door. The closer she came to the door, the more clearly he could hear her muttering expletives under her breath. He wanted to laugh at Tsunade's foul mouth, but tried his best to stay in character.
Suddenly, the door opened and there stood Tsunade. She was dressed in a long white t-shirt that stopped just above her knees, her hair was out of its usual ponytails, her face was completely makeup-free, her cheeks were bright red, and her eyes looked tired. Overall, she looked quite disheveled and Jiraiya has never seen her like that before. Despite her haggard appearance, she was gorgeous in his eyes.
"Why the hell would you forget your key?" She asked in annoyance, "I was trying to sleep off this hangover."
"I'm sorry Lady Tsunade, but I brought you some food." Jiraiya said and held out the food so Tsunade could see, "I think it will help."
Upon seeing the food, Tsunade felt a wave of nausea overcome her being and immediately ran to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach. Jiraiya shut the door behind him and joined her in the bathroom to be of any assistance to her. As she was throwing up, Jiraiya took it upon himself to hold her hair so it wouldn't get caught in the mess coming from her mouth, and also rubbed her back with his free hand. He knew that if he wasn't transformed as Shizune, she would have kicked him out the moment she saw him.
After her vomiting episode was through, she sat on the bathroom floor for a minute before gathering enough strength to stand. Jiraiya helped her up when he noticed she no longer wanted to be sitting on the floor.
"Thanks Shizune." She said, "I'm going to take a shower. I feel disgusting." As soon as she said that she started to lift the fabric of her shirt off her body. As she rose it above her thighs, Jiraiya was almost disappointed to see that she was wearing shorts underneath. With each inch the shirt moved up by, he could feel his heart beat faster and faster in anticipation of what was to come. She was just about to remove the rest of the shirt that was covering her breasts when Jiraiya saw her fist coming in his direction. With one excruciating punch, he was knocked senseless against the bathroom wall and his transformation was interrupted. He was now back in his regular form and was cowering in fear of the angered Sannin.
She walked towards him with a look of rage plastered on her face and grabbed the neckline of his shirt forcefully, "You're such a pervert Jiraiya!" She shouted, "I knew it was you the entire time! I may be out of commission at the moment but I'm still just as skilled as you are!"
Jiraiya should have known better. Tsunade was a famed ninja so of course she could see through the simplest of transformation jutsus. His plan was essentially ruined, "I just came to bring you some food and help you recover from the hangover that I caused you to have." He nervously laughed, trying his best to make light of the situation.
"This isn't my first hangover Jiraiya. I can take care of myself." She reminded him and rolled her eyes, finding this entire situation to be ridiculous but extremely reminiscent of the good old days.
"I'm well aware of that, but for once can you just allow me to do this." He said and anticipated her throwing him out, "Please?"
She was about to deny his request, but he seemed as if he really wanted to help. Reluctantly she agreed to let him stay, "Fine." She sighed, "But you stay out there while I take a shower." She pointed to the bedroom, "And if you try to take a peek you're dead. Understood?"
Jiraiya nodded his head, knowing very well what would happen if he tried to watch as Tsunade showered. He obediently went into the bedroom and sat on the small chair that was in the corner of the room. As he sat there waiting, he turned his attention to the side table next to his seat. He saw his novel sitting on the table and reached for it. He noticed that the book was marked with a bookmark and was surprised to see that the reader almost completed the novel. He smiled to himself knowing that even though Tsunade appeared to be unimpressed with his new ambition of being an author, she still took the time to read the book. There really was so much more to her than her hardened exterior.
Tsunade walked out of the bathroom wearing a simple gray shirt and black shorts, looking more awake than before, but still under the weather. She walked over to her bed and immediately sat on it and looked at Jiraiya flipping through his novel, "It's actually pretty good." She said, "I thought it would be a ridiculous perverted novel, but I must say I'm quite impressed."
Jiraiya smiled at her compliment, for she rarely ever had a kind word to say to him and walked over to the bed with the cups of coffee and food he brought along with him. He sat directly in front of Tsunade on the bed and handed her a cup, "I'm glad you like it." He said then pulled out a slice of toast and smeared it with raspberry preserves before handing it to Tsunade in a napkin, "I figured you wouldn't be in the mood for a full breakfast."
"Thanks." She said and then took a sip of the coffee, "It's good."
"So I couldn't help but notice that your things aren't packed." He said while looking around the room. Her articles of clothing as well as Shizune's were still unpacked in the room, it was as if they had no intentions of leaving just yet, "I thought you were leaving today."
"About that." Tsunade started before taking a bite out of her toast, "Shizune wanted to stay a while longer. She does so much for me so this is the least I can do for her." She lied.
"I didn't know Shizune was interested in little rural towns." He said, obviously seeing through Tsunade's lie.
Tsunade knew she was caught in her lie, but didn't want to reveal her reason for staying to Jiraiya. The truth was that she stayed because of him.
"You know you're staying because you missed me so much." He teased and received a deadly glare from the blonde, "Relax, it's a joke." He said, trying to calm her down, "But I sure missed looking at you." He smiled.
After his remark, she threw a pillow in his face not only to get him to shut up, but also to conceal the blush that rose to her cheeks for a second. She would be lying if she said that she didn't miss seeing him as well. It has been years and years of emotional turmoil on her part, but that didn't prevent her from thinking about her white haired friend from time to time. Sometimes she wondered about where he was and what he was doing. Despite the fact that she ridiculed him, and brought him physical pain, she actually cared about him and valued their friendship.
She often wondered about the happenings in the village. Was it thriving? Or was it still war stricken? She was not entirely sure, but felt compelled to ask Jiraiya, for he of all people should have known. She yawned, clearly exhausted due to her hangover and laid across the bed on her back, staring up on the ceiling.
"Jiraiya." Tsunade said, somewhat apprehensive to ask all the questions that were running through her mind.
"What's up?" He asked, encouraging her to speak to him.
She sighed before speaking up, "How's the village?"
Now that was unexpected. He didn't think she would ask about the place she abandoned years ago. He thought that she put the love she had for the village behind her, but obviously she still cared if she decided to ask about it. He smiled knowing that the Tsunade he grew up with was still in there and was maybe trying to come out, "The village is just fine Tsunade." He said and watched as she exhaled in relief, "We're not in a war, the nine tails is contained, and everything is peaceful for the most part." He explained, "And Minato is the Fourth Hokage."
Tsunade was shocked to hear that the boy Jiraiya mentored was now the most respected and skilled ninja in the village. She couldn't believe how things have changed so drastically in a matter of a few years of her being absent, "Minato Namikaze, your student is Hokage?" She repeated, making sure she was hearing correctly, "You must be so boastful now." She rolled her eyes, but was impressed nevertheless.
Jiraiya laughed, "Of course I have to show off a little. But I promise you that it's all because of Minato's drive and natural abilities. I just steered him down the right path." He said, proud to have mentored such an exceptional ninja, "He's also about to become a father. Kushina is nine months pregnant with a son, and they named me his godfather."
"You're going to be the kid's godfather?" She chuckled, "That's hilarious."
"What's so funny about that?" He asked, wondering why she found that detail to be so amusing.
"Come on Jiraiya." She said and turned on her side, holding her head up by the palm of her hand, "You're not much of the father type. You're going to corrupt the poor kid with your perverted ways."
Jiraiya wasn't the nurturing type, and he had no clue on how to parent a child. But he knew without a doubt that he would love Minato's child and would do his best to help in whatever way they needed him to. Maybe he didn't know much about parenting, but he would surely try to figure it out, "Maybe I'll surprise you."
It suddenly grew quiet as Tsunade's next question came to mind. She was somewhat worried after hearing about Minato's promotion to Fourth Hokage because what did that mean for the Third Hokage? Was he alright? Why did he step down from his post of commander and chief for all ninja?
"How's Sarutobi Sensei?" Tsunade asked in a meek voice, eager to hear the answer but also afraid of it. Out of all her teammates, she was probably the closest to the Third. That was more than likely due to the fact that she was the only female member of the team, and because Sarutobi had a connection to her grandfather and grand uncle. He always had a soft spot in his heart for Tsunade and was saddened by her decision to leave the village, but also understood her reasonings for going. Tsunade would be devastated if anything happened to the man who taught her everything she knew about being a ninja.
"He's doing great Tsunade." Jiraiya said quickly, knowing well that Tsunade was anxious about the answer to her question, "He's in good health and just decided to step down to spend more time with Lady Biwako. Don't worry, I promise you he's fine."
"I'm glad to hear that." She said in relief. At least she knew that her sensei was alright. She closed her eyes and tried to remember all the times she spent with him and her team. Those were happy memories that she would never forget. Sometimes she wished she could relive those days when everything seemed to be so simple. But that was impossible and this was her reality now. Traveling from village to village, and trying so hard to escape the pain she felt within.
For the past few years, she experienced sleepless nights, was plagued with gruesome, terrifying nightmares, suffered endless tears, and was in a constant state of depression. That was her life now, and she just could not get away from it. She couldn't pull herself out of the dark hole she was forced into no matter how hard she tried, or how strong she claimed to be. She was tired, so tired of it all and just wanted to disappear from her world and move on to one where those she loved dearly were still alive and well.
"Do you ever miss it Tsunade? Our home, our team, everything?" He asked but soon realized that she drifted off to sleep, "Tsunade?" He said and gently touched her shoulder to ensure she was asleep. When she didn't stir, confirming that she was indeed sleeping he said, "Do you ever miss me?"
He watched as she slept. She looked so peaceful, but he could only imagine how she felt on the inside. She was a traumatized person who had many burdens weighing her down. She deserved happiness, but life's cruel circumstances robbed that from her. He reached for a blanket that was balled up beside him and covered her small body in its warmth. He then removed some stray hair from her face to ensure that she was comfortable as she slept. He was so gentle with her as if she were fine China and wished that he could care for her the way he was for the rest of his life. If only she would let him. He left her to sleep and retreated to the balcony where he would sit and wait for Tsunade to wake up.
The sun was about to set when Tsunade woke up from her slumber, feeling much better than she had been for the entirety of the day. She raised her arms above her head in an attempt to loosen her muscles. Suddenly she remembered that Jiraiya was in her company before she fell asleep. She wondered if he left while she was sleeping, but her suspicions were confirmed when she saw him sitting out on the balcony. Wondering why he was still in her room instead of out doing as he pleased, she got out of bed and joined him on the balcony.
"What are you still doing here?" She asked, moving next to him, "You better not have done anything stupid while I was sleeping."
He got up from his seated position and stood next to her staring into her hazel eyes, "I just wanted to make sure that you were alright."
"I'm fine Jiraiya." She stressed, "I'm not hungover anymore."
He shook his head. She clearly did not understand what he meant, "I'm not talking about that Tsunade."
She was somewhat confused by Jiraiya's words and how he was looking at her, as if he were peering into her damaged soul, "What do you mean?"
He reached for her hand and held it with his as if he were offering her support, "How have you been coping the loss of Dan?" He blurted out.
She pulled her hand out of his grasp, shocked that he would bring up a conversation she desperately wanted to avoid. She was not ready to talk about her trauma so instead of saying anything, she crossed her arms over her chest, almost as if she was protecting herself from the pain the mention of her beloved's name caused her to have.
Jiraiya realized that she was unwilling to talk, but he couldn't stop there. He needed to get her to speak of her past so that she could move on from it, "What about how you've been dealing with Nawaki's passing?" He asked, but once again received no answer, "Do you still fear blood?"
She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't handle the unbearable pain of hearing the names of those she held so close to her heart. With each passing second, she felt the walls she put around herself crumble, leaving her exposed and vulnerable. She was about to completely break and just couldn't stand the thought of showing her emotions to Jiraiya. She wouldn't allow herself to appear to be weak, "I think you should go Jiraiya." She said and tried to walk away from him, but he stopped her by grabbing hold of her upper arm.
"No Tsunade." He said, "Not until you talk to me."
"Let me go Jiraiya." She said in a weak voice. For all the years he has known her, he has never heard her sound so small, so broken. It almost broke his heart to hear her sound so distraught. The fact that she asked him to let go of her instead of using her brute strength to escape from his grip, was proof enough that the losses in her life have drastically affected her.
"Not until you talk to me." He said, refusing to let her go, "I'm only trying to help you."
She could no longer hold her emotions it. A fresh stream of tears ran down her reddened cheeks. She felt ridiculous to be crying in front of her old teammate, but she just could not help herself, "I miss them everyday, and I don't think I will ever get over it." She admitted and broke down into sobs.
Instinctively he wrapped her in his arms as she cried. He never thought that she could cry the way she did. But there she was, a sobbing mess and all he wanted to do was to make it better. In a matter of seconds, she was too distraught to stand and therefore sunk to the floor within Jiraiya's embrace. The two sat on the ground of the balcony for quite a while until Tsunade's tears subsided. Too embarrassed to look him in the eye, she laid her head in his lap while sniffling and thinking about how her life turned out the way it did. She used to be so happy but life decided that it wasn't in the cards for her to remain happy. Perhaps it was just her destiny to be miserable.
He rubbed her head in an attempt to soothe her. He genuinely felt so bad for her and wished that there was something he could do to fix her unfortunate situation. He felt worthless, so he continued to comfort her, thinking that it was the very least he could do. He knew well that sweet words of encouragement would offer her no solace nor would any lengthy lecture. All he could do for her was sit there while holding her close, allow her to lay her weary head in his lap, and listen to her quiet sobs.
"You're going to be okay no matter what Tsunade." He told her, hoping that it would somehow make a difference, "I know how strong you are, but I'll always be there for you."
She turned her head in order to look up at the man who has been doing nothing but trying to help her through a difficult time in her life. She recalled him saying those exact words to her when she first left the village, but she didn't give him the time of day nor did she give everything he was offering her a second thought. She was so set on walking away from the village that carried too many memories of her loved ones that she couldn't think of anything else or consider any other option. This time around, was she willing to let him help her?
She was about to speak when they heard a key turn in the door. Surely it was Shizune returning from a long day of site seeing and doing anything she could think of to give the two Sannin more time to reconnect. Tsunade suddenly sprung to her feet and wiped away her tears, trying so hard to appear as if she was not just crying. Jiraiya got up from his seated position as well.
"I'm back." Shizune announced as she walked through the door.
"Now that Shizune's back you no longer need to babysit me Jiraiya." She said, clearly not wanting Shizune to discover what had transpired before she walked through the door.
Jiraiya picked up on what Tsunade was trying to convey and decided to go along with it, "Thanks for relieving me Shizune." He smiled at the young girl, "Take care of her." He instructed more serious than he intended to sound. The truth was that if he was not able to care for Tsunade, he wanted Shizune to be there for her. Despite Tsunade's constant rejections, he still held her best interest at heart.
He walked out the room and shut the door behind him. Only when he heard Tsunade tell Shizune that she was going to head to bed, did he move off from standing in front of the closed door. He felt his heart weigh heavy with the sorrow he felt for Tsunade after witnessing her cry and seeing her struggle to recover.
