"Is this really happening?" Jiraiya wondered out loud as he pulled Tsunade closer to him. He could hardly believe that he finally got the chance to be with the woman he has loved for the majority of his life. Their first intimate encounter was everything he dreamed it would be. It was fueled with unspoken feelings of love and the passion they shared for each other. For a moment he thought he was dreaming, but when he closed his eyes and reopened them to see Tsunade's nude body still wrapped in his arms did he finally believe that it was his new reality.

Kissing her, and holding her close were things he could only dream about in the past, but now he was living his fantasies and never wanted the moment to end. He wondered what caused Tsunade to suddenly change her mind and give him a chance. For years she was adamant on never giving in to his advances, but now it was as if she were a completely different person. The way she touched him, kissed him, and showed her attraction towards him felt foreign to him yet so right. He didn't want to question it. Instead he wanted to savor the passing moments he spent inhaling her intoxicating scent. However, an annoying voice in the back of his head was urging him to confirm his suspicions. Did she feel the same way he felt about her?

"This is really happening, Jiraiya." Tsunade said, breathless from the activity she participated in. She too was having a hard time believing that after so many years they finally became one. But she had no feelings of regret for what they've done. In fact, she was certain that it was what she wanted to do.

"What changed your mind?" He asked in a more serious tone while looking her in the eye, "Did you genuinely want this to happen?"

Tsunade gently caressed his stubble-free cheek and smiled before tenderly pressing her lips against his, "I wouldn't have made love to you if I didn't want to dummy." She said, "I understand why you're hesitant to believe me, but somehow I developed feelings for you." She explained, "Maybe they've been there all along and I refused to acknowledge them, but when you comforted me without hesitation the other night, I knew for sure that you are so much more than just a friend to me."

He kissed her forehead and held her close after hearing those words escape her mouth. For as long as he's known her, he has never heard her say such sweet things to him that for a second he thought he had been imagining it all, "I've always wanted to be there for you Tsunade." He admitted even though he was positive she already knew, "I'm just so happy that you finally gave me a chance."

She watched as he closed his eyes and then squirmed out of his hold to gently remove some stray hairs out of his face so he would be more comfortable as he rested. However, as she gazed at his face with his eyes closed, an unexplained panic overcame her being. Suddenly, an image of Dan's battered and bruised face appeared before her eyes. She remembered stooping before his lifeless, bloody, body, unable to do anything to prevent him from dying. She recalled feeling weak and helpless as she cried over his corpse. A shiver ran down her spine as she looked at Jiraiya in the same position Dan had been in as he died, and shook him awake, when she could no longer stand seeing him with his eyes closed. When he opened his eyes, she breathed a sigh of relief, but still felt uneasy and terrified.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he watched her get out of bed and gather her clothing, "You can stay here with me tonight if that's what you want."

Tsunade shook her head, denying his offer and started to dress herself. As much as she wanted to stay with him, the image she had just seen freaked her out and she needed space. She could have simply told Jiraiya what she had imagined, but feared that he would not understand. It was evident that she was still traumatized over the loss of Dan. The pain she felt was so tremendous that she imagined Jiraiya suffering the same fate. And if he did, she knew for sure that she would not survive it this time around, "Shizune doesn't know where I am." She said, "I should go back to my room so she doesn't worry."

Jiraiya understood why she had to leave him for the night. It wasn't just Tsunade anymore, she also had Shizune to think about. Therefore, he too got out of bed and got dressed, "Let me walk you to your room then."

"You don't have to do that Jiraiya." She said, feeling overwhelmingly frazzled when she recalled Dan wanting to walk her home the first night they met.

He walked over to her and held her delicate yet strong hand, "I know you don't need me to. I'm very aware of the fact that you can take care of yourself and I definitely don't want to change that about you." He said sincerely, "But please let me do this."

She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, "Okay Jiraiya."

The duo walked the short distance to Tsunade's room. As they were walking, Jiraiya couldn't help but pick up on Tsunade's sudden change in mood. She seemed to be apprehensive and in deep thought. He decided not to question her about it out of fear of her walking away from him. Instead, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hoped that she would not change her mind.

They arrived at the door of her room and before she let herself in Jiraiya pulled her into his embrace. She held onto him tightly as he hugged her and wished that they could stop time and stay that way forever. However, she couldn't seem to shake the uneasiness she felt. He broke their hug and captured her lips with his in a slow and passionate kiss, "I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked after breaking apart, hoping that she would say yes.

She gave him a small smile and nodded her head, agreeing to see him again the following day, "Goodnight Jiraiya." She said before entering her room.

Once she was in the room, she walked over to Shizune's bed and was happy to see her asleep with TonTon curled up next to her. She then sat on the adjacent bed and buried her head in her hands. She was so very confused. She wanted to be with Jiraiya with all her heart, but was she emotionally ready to open herself up to another person? Could she take the risk of being with a person who could potentially die and leave her all alone? She didn't know what to do, so instead of figuring it out in that moment, she allowed the tears to flow out of her hazel eyes until she fell asleep.

The following day, Tsunade and Shizune were walking through town. Tsunade had not seen Jiraiya since the night before, and while she was longing to see him again, she was relieved that they have not come face to face just yet. She was still unsure of what to do about her situation, and seeing him again would make it harder for her to concentrate on deciding on a solution to her problem. She had a hard time falling asleep that night for many reasons. First and foremost, her mind was stuck on the evening of passion they shared. She remembered how she felt so comfortable being completely exposed and vulnerable before his eyes. But then she thought about how she felt that way with Dan, and then he perished. She was well aware of the fact that there was a possibility that Jiraiya would be just fine, but what if he died as well?

"Lady Tsunade." Shizune said, pulling her mentor out of her dark thoughts, "Let's get some sweet dumplings."

Tsunade never had much of a sweet tooth, but for some reason Shizune loved that treat. Tsunade however, had no desire to indulge in a meal she had no interest for, "You know I hate those things Shizune."

Shizune looked somewhat disappointed. She knew that she could go off on her own to get her dumplings, but she didn't necessarily want to go alone. She knew Tsunade was going through a difficult time more than she usually did, and just wanted to spend some time with her and perhaps discover the reason for her mentor's mood. However, she knew that the likelihood of Tsunade telling her of her troubles was very slim.

"Tsunade!" A masculine voice called out.

When Tsunade and Shizune turned around to discover who the voice belonged to, they saw Jiraiya jogging towards them. When he was close enough, he enveloped Tsunade in a tight hug, then gave her a quick peck on the lips. Shizune blushed when she saw Jiraiya kiss her mentor and immediately felt so confused when Tsunade didn't push him away.

"What's going on?" Shizune asked, feeling completely in the dark, "Since when do you guys kiss?!"

Tsunade blushed furiously and grabbed Jiraiya's hand to pull him away from Shizune so that she could speak with him privately, "Why would you kiss me in front of her?" She asked.

"I thought she knew about us." He said honestly before realization dawned on him, "You didn't tell her did you."

Tsunade shook her head, "I haven't told her yet." She admitted, "But now she obviously knows."

"I'm sorry Tsunade." He apologized, "I just assumed she knew."

"Don't worry about it." She told him and forgave him for revealing their relationship status to Shizune.

"Are you guys going to tell me what's going on between you two?" Shizune asked while walking towards the Sannin.

Tsunade didn't know what to say to the younger woman. She didn't know how to describe their relationship herself much less try to explain it to another person. They have not exactly put a title on what they shared for each other. Furthermore, Tsunade was still apprehensive to truly be devoted to him.

"I'm okay with you guys being together if that's what you are." Shizune stated, "I just want you to be happy Lady Tsunade."

Tsunade was well aware of the fact that Shizune only had her best interest at heart and wanted nothing but for her to be happy after all the trauma she lived through. Little did Shizune know however, that while Tsunade was pleased with the uncharted territory she was walking with Jiraiya, she was also painfully terrified.

"You two can spend the day together you know." Shizune suggested, "I really won't mind."

Jiraiya was about to take Shizune up on her suggestion when Tsunade interrupted, "No it's okay Shizune." Tsunade said, "Remember we already had plans to get sweet dumplings together."

"But," Shizune started.

"I'm sure Jiraiya won't mind." Tsunade said, interrupting again while looking at Jiraiya.

"Not a problem." Jiraiya smiled, "You two go have fun, I'll catch up with you later Tsunade."

Tsunade was about to walk off with Shizune when the young woman held her back, "Don't you want to kiss Master Jiraiya goodbye?" She asked with a smile on her face, obviously thrilled with the match, "You don't have to be embarrassed to do that in front of me."

"Shizune, come on." Tsunade said in an annoyed voice, making it known to the raven haired girl that she did not approve of what she was trying to do. However, Jiraiya took advantage of the situation and walked over to Tsunade to kiss her goodbye. He gave her a very 'PG' rated peck on the lips not only to appease Shizune, but because he just could not get enough of Tsunade. She didn't kiss back however, but Jiraiya just thought it was due to Shizune watching them.

"I'll see you later." Tsunade said quickly to Jiraiya then walked off with Shizune.

The two women arrived at a small tea shop on the outskirts of town. It wasn't busy at all as it only hosted two other patrons. They were quickly seated by a middle aged lady who was clearly a waitress at the establishment. Once they settled at a table right beside a window, they were handed menus to browse through in order to decide on their meal selections. Shizune already knew what she wanted since the reason for her going to the shop was to get sweet dumplings. Tsunade on the other hand didn't seem to be hungry at all. Instead of looking through her menu, she gazed out the window and didn't seem to be paying attention to anything in particular.

Shizune was definitely confused. Her mentor was not acting like someone who just got into a relationship with someone she had known for so many years. She was acting distant, and rather pensive and Shizune just could not understand why. The fact that Tsunade blatantly lied to Jiraiya about going with Shizune to eat dumplings was strange and Shizune wondered why she did it. She didn't know much about relationships since she had never been in one herself, but she was certain that Tsunade should have been happier than she appeared to be.

"Ready to order?" The waitress said with a notepad and pen in hand, ready to take their orders.

Shizune nodded her head, "Yes, I would like a cup of green tea, and an order of sweet dumplings." She said and then looked at Tsunade, waiting for her to order.

Tsunade was too busy looking out the window to acknowledge the waitress' presence and to even realize that it was her turn to place her order.

"Lady Tsunade." Shizune said as she reached across the table to touch Tsunade's hand in order to pull her out the depths of her mind.

"What is it?" Tsunade finally said.

"Don't you want to order something?" Shizune asked, feeling very concerned about Tsunade's absentmindedness.

"I'll just have some herbal tea." Tsunade answered and immediately went back to gazing out the window, clearly having something on her mind.

"I'll be right out with your order." The waitress said, "Thank you for your patience."

If Shizune wasn't convinced that something was going on with Tsunade before, after witnessing how distracted her mentor seemed, she was positive that there was something she wasn't telling her, or even Jiraiya.

"Lady Tsunade, is something the matter?" Shizune asked, but received no answer, "Why did you tell Master Jiraiya that we had plans to get dumplings when you made it clear you didn't want to go?" She asked, trying again to get Tsunade to talk. When those questions were left unanswered, she dared to ask another, "Why didn't you want to spend the day with Master Jiraiya? Aren't you together now?"

Tsunade finally turned her attention from whatever she was staring at through the window to the inquisitive girl sitting in front of her. She honestly did not know how to answer Shizune's questions, for she didn't even know what was going on in her mind. How could she simply tell Shizune her fears of Jiraiya dying and leaving her all alone just like Dan did? How crazy and irrational would that make her seem? But as crazy and irrational as it sounded, it was still how she felt, and she could not shake that uneasy feeling. She couldn't stand to think of being alone again and witnessing those she loves fall at her feet. So instead of allowing herself to live in the moment and be happy with Jiraiya, it was almost as if her mind was telling her to sabotage her new relationship and to severe the bond she shared with him. But she couldn't tell Shizune that.

"It's complicated Shizune." Tsunade said.

To Shizune, that answer sounded like a cop out and she wouldn't accept it, "How is it complicated Lady Tsunade?" She asked, "I don't get it."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore Shizune." Tsunade said in a serious tone. It was then that Shizune realized that no matter how many times she asked, Tsunade would not explain herself if she didn't want to. As much as the young girl wanted to know what was going on, she knew that she had to be respectful and let it go.

The waitress then came with their orders and Shizune immediately started to eat the dumplings she seemed to like so much. Tsunade took a few sips of her tea before she became too upset to finish the cup's contents. She knew what needed to be done. Even though she came up with a solution, she found no comfort in it and dreaded the moment when she would have to come face to face with Jiraiya, and tell him what she decided to do.

A few hours later, when the sun was no longer shining, Jiraiya made his way to Tsunade's room. He was excited to see her again and was looking forward to spending some more quality time together. He had the great desire to talk to her about moving forward with their relationship. He wasn't entirely sure if she had any intentions on settling down in a village, but whatever she wanted to do, he would agree to it. It didn't matter to him if she wanted to continue her nomadic lifestyle, and he would be fine if she wanted to stay in one place. As long as he was with her, he would be happy.

He knocked on the door to her room, and after a few moments the door opened. Shizune stood in the door frame with a gentle smile on her face, happy to see the man who had captured her mentor's heart, "Hello Master Jiraiya."

"Hi Shizune." He greeted the young girl, "Is Tsunade around?"

Shizune shook her head, "No master Jiraiya." She said, "She had some business to tend to at the front desk in the lobby." She explained, "I'm sure she'll be back up here soon though."

Jiraiya had no idea what kind of business Tsunade was doing at the front desk but felt compelled to know. Therefore, he decided to meet Tsunade downstairs to figure out what was going on, "I'll meet up with her in the lobby then." He said to Shizune and then headed towards the receptionist area.

As he was walking down the hall, he came across Tsunade who seemed to be surprised upon seeing him. When they were close enough to each other, he gave her a quick hug, clearly happy to see her, "Do you want to go back to my room to talk?" He asked.

She looked up at his kind face and automatically felt terrible, "I can't." She said regretfully in a small, weak voice.

"What's wrong Tsunade?" He asked, noticing that something was not quite right with her.

"I'm leaving town tomorrow." She said in a shaky voice.

"Why?" He asked, shocked that after everything they shared, she was actually going to leave him.

Tears emerged in her honey colored eyes and she felt too ashamed to look up at him. She knew that she was breaking his heart, and hers was shattering in the process.

"Was it something I did?" He asked.

She immediately shook her head and placed a tender hand on his cheek. How could he ever think that he did something to her that caused her to make this decision? She could tell that he was clearly hurt, "It has nothing to do with you." She assured him, "But it has everything to do with me."

He placed his hands on her tiny shoulders, "What do you mean by that Tsunade?"

"I can't be in a relationship with you Jiraiya." She said but knew that saying those words would severely hurt him. It even pained her to say them, "I know it sounds ridiculous but I'm too afraid of what might happen to you if we're together." She said, "If you end up dying I don't think I would be able to survive it. I would probably die along with you and I can't do that because I still have Shizune to think about."

He finally understood why she seemed to be so distant, and why she was choosing to run instead of being with him. She was still just as traumatized as she was the day she lost her brother and her lover. That was when she lost love and all her hope in the world for a bright future. He knew those wounds were still fresh in her life, and no matter how many times he tried, he couldn't heal them for her. That was something she would have to do herself eventually.

He could stand there before her and fill her head with empty promises, but he would not do that. He knew they would only fall on deaf ears because he was aware that he could not guarantee her anything. Life is fleeting, things happen in an instant whether you want them to or not. He could end up dying tomorrow or years from now if that's what the universe had in store for him. How could he possibly make her feel secure enough in something as fickle as life to allow her to give him a chance. He couldn't and therefore knew that as much as it would hurt him, he had to let her go to figure it all out on her own.

He removed the hand she had resting on his cheek and pulled her into his warm embrace. He held her tight, afraid that if he let go, she would disappear and he would never see her again. He wasn't angry with her for making the decision she thought was best for her. Instead, he sympathized with her and fell even deeper in love with her than before. How he wanted to put her pieces back together to make her a whole person again. How he wanted to guide her through the stormy seas of her soul. And how he wanted to pull her out of the depths of despair. But he knew that she had to find her way out on her own and puzzle herself back together. He didn't know how she would do it, but hoped and prayed that somehow she would rise above all her grief and find her way back to him.

"Please stay with me tonight." He begged her, still clinging to her.

"Jiraiya," She said through salty tears, "I can't."

He held her tighter, "If tonight is all we have, please spend it with me."

She pulled herself out of his grasp and looked into his eyes. She was devastated to see that he too had tears in those dark eyes she knew ever since she was a young child, and those same eyes she grew to adore. How could she possibly say no to him? She couldn't, "Okay Jiraiya."

He took her hand in his and led her to his room where they immediately went to lay in bed together. As they laid there facing each other, there were so many things they wanted to say to each other, but words seemed to fail them both. They were too emotional to speak about their pain, and too distraught to discuss anything else.

They laid there together for an hour with their eyes locked on each other, and their fingers intertwined. They were both exhausted, but reluctant to fall asleep, being painfully aware of the fact that when they open their eyes the following day, they would no longer be one. Jiraiya took his free hand and pulled a light blue handkerchief out his pocket and handed it to Tsunade, not to dry her tears, but as a parting gift.

"My father gave this to me when I was a young kid." He started, "He told me that whenever I feel scared or sad that I should take it out and hold it close. He said it would make me feel better. If you ever feel scared or sad or even if you miss me, hold it close and I promise you that you'll feel as if I'm close by."

She took the handkerchief from him and kissed him tenderly, "Jiraiya." She started after breaking apart from their kiss, "You're tired, maybe you should get some sleep."

He shook his head, "If I sleep, that means I won't see you again when I wake up."

She then moved closer to him so that she was nestled against his body, "Jiraiya." She said, "I think I'm in love with you, but I know I have to let that go."

He placed a kiss on her forehead and caressed her cheek, "I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember." He admitted and felt his heart swell with love but also with pain.

"Close your eyes Jiraiya." She whispered and kissed him for the last time.

Reluctantly he closed eyes with a heavy heart. He was terrified of what the future held, but silently hoped that somehow, someday, they could finally be one.