AN: Okay, so things get a liiiiiittle bit mushy this chapter. Fair warning! (BAHA, this is ME we're talking about . . .)

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Chapter 38

Link reread the oily, crumpled note in his left hand, then glanced up at the ram-shackle office to Linebeck's Shipyard. It was like a junkyard for small yachts, random half-built or half-sunk boats, most meant for only one or two passengers. Some had canons, others had cranes. Ripped fishing nets held collections of tiny knobs, levers, and gears, among other things.

The office itself was as much junk as the yard. Most of the white paint was peeled off, exposing the wind-battered, oil-brown wood underneath. The sign above the door was barely readable, but carved in a style reminiscent of old western saloons. The windows were tiny with cross panes.

Link tried the door and found it didn't require turning, since the mechanism on the inside had been gutted. The knob was just there for show, apparently.

Inside was a shop. Fishing lures hung against one wall, and along another tourist trinkets like ships in bottles and model islands, and a few books. It was dim, a single lantern wobbling as it hung from the ceiling, little wafts of smoke exiting with each wobble.

Behind the counter, a lanky, gaunt-faced man sat, cheeks and nose red, dark circles under his eyes. A wide-brimmed was perched over his face. His arms were folded, sturdy brown, heeled boots propped up over the counter. He had the tiniest of mustaches and goatees, and wore what must be a sailor's coat, a blue one, and a red cravat.

He was fast asleep.

Link walked up to the counter. "Excuse me?" he said, knocking on the counter.

No answer.

"Um, sir? I'm here for my interview with Mr. Linebeck . . ." It hadn't actually been a Mr. Linebeck who called him. It had been a woman with a melodic voice. So he had been expecting someone who fit that profile, not . . . this guy. Link pounded on the counter. "HELLO!"

The man started awake and fell off his chair. "AAAAH! EN GARDE!" He scrambled to his feet and put up his fists. "Scallywag! I'll gut you and throw overboard!" He threw a punch, but was so disoriented that he punched the air to Link's left.

Link frowned. "Hey, don't try to punch me!"

The man wobbled to the side as he scratched his head and tried to focus on Link. Then his eyes widened. "Oh, it's you!" He suddenly laughed, nervously. "You're just a lad. AHAHAHAHA and to think I thought I was being robbed!" He was actually quite a bit taller than Link, who was tall in his own right. He leaned over the counter, staring down at Link with one eye. ". . . What a small fry!"

"I'm here for my interview with Mr. Linebeck," Link repeated, already disliking this man very much.

"Aha!" The man straightened, gesturing at himself grandly. "You're in luck, for I am Captain Linebeck! Sailor of the Seven Seas!"

"There are only five seas," Link corrected.

"Oh, you know this, do you?" Linebeck gave him a disdainful look. "Have you ever BEEN on the ocean?"

"Yes, sir. I grew up on Outset."

Linebeck's eyebrows rose. "Oh." Recovering from slight deflation, Linebeck strutted around the counter. "No matter! You'll never know as much about the ocean as I!" He placed a hand on the counter and leaned on it, his other hand on his hip, and scrutinized Link. "Why should I let you work here, boy?"

"My name is Link," Link said through gritted teeth. He almost turned around and walked out the door. No, Link, you need a job. He cleared his throat. "I have a letter of reference from Darunia, the current Senator of Death Mountain and Goron Village." He pulled the letter from his pocket and handed it over.

"Darunia, you say?" Linebeck seemed to recognize the name, at least. He held the letter up to his eyes. "Hard worker . . . yes . . . resourceful! Ah-huh . . . brave, are we? HAHAHA!" He gathered the letter into one hand. "It seems you're pretty scrappy. For an inexperienced greenie, that is." He mussed Link's hair.

Link stepped out from under his hand and glared at him.

Linebeck, still holding the letter in his hand, put his hands behind his back and strutted a few steps away. "So tell me, 'Link,'" He spun around. "How are you about . . . monsters?" He suddenly leaned forward, getting into Link's face and forcing him to lean back.

Link's mouth quirked. Is this man an idiot? "There's no such thing as monsters, sir."

"'Sir.'" Linebeck straightened. "I like that. Politeness. Hmph! Not a trait you see commonly these days. Well I hate to tell you this, Link, but YOU'RE WRONG!" He pointed a finger insistently at Link.

"About monsters?" Link grabbed Linebeck's finger and shoved it aside. "There ARE no monsters!"

"You know this, do you?" Linebeck raised an eyebrow.

"YES!" Link confirmed irritably. "There are NO monsters in the ocean!"

For some reason, Linebeck smiled, an unidentifiable look in his eyes. Before Link could figure out what it was, Linebeck turned away. "Very well, then!" he said, straightening some fish figurines on a shelf. "Can you start straight away?"

It took a moment for Link to realize. "Wait . . . you mean—that's it? That's all you wanted to know?" He cut himself off. "That's great! Thank you! Um, sir!" Link and Linebeck shook hands. "I can totally start right now, Mr. Linebeck!"

Linebeck took a pipe from the top shelf and began tamping tobacco into it. He made a disapproving noise. "If you MUST . . . call me captain. And salute, why don't you?"

Link thought that was silly, but he complied.

Linebeck shook his head. "That was the sorriest salute I've ever seen. No matter! You'll get better." He started walking to the door.

"So what am I supposed to do here?" Link asked, following him. He wondered if they'd be repairing the ship parts in the yard, and began to get excited.

Linebeck stopped short, and Link almost ran into him. "Where are you going?"

"Following you, sir. Captain."

Linebeck shook his head. "Don't get ahead of yourself, swabbie. Only experts get to work on the ships."

Link's shoulders slumped. "So . . . what am I supposed to do?"

"Clean the shop!"

"Clean the . . . shop?"

"Yes! It's downright DRABBY in here! Cobwebs, bad paint, and I smell a dead rat."

It's not my fault you've let it get this bad, Link couldn't help but think, but said nothing. He fought to keep his mouth in a straight line. I don't want to do housework!

"You'll find tools in the shed. Well! I expect this place to be spic and span when I get back!"

"Where are you going?"

Linebeck paused in the doorway. "Looking for treasure, my lad." He closed the door, leaving Link to wonder at what he meant.

There's no treasure in Hyrule . . . He already knew what Linebeck would have to say about that. "You KNOOOOOW this, DOOOO YOOOU?" he mocked, grabbing a nearby broom.


Everyone was staring at him, Sheik felt. Was it really so weird for him to suddenly show up back at school the day of tests? He'd been studying, after all. He looked to his right. Groose was the only one not stealing glances at him, completely absorbed in finishing this test, even with almost cross-eyed determination. Groose was responsible for Sheik being here. He'd shown up this morning at Sheik's estate.

"Hey, Zelda, we've got tests today, you've gotta come to school!"

Sheik had been comfortably and tragically flopped his bed. "What's the point? I'll just fail them."

Groose put his hands on his hips. "You're telling me that YOU, the PRINCESS OF HYRULE, haven't studied?"

Sheik blushed. Of course he'd studied. He didn't know how NOT to study. He got up. "Fiiiiine!"

Groose grinned, pleased with himself. "I know you'll pass with flying colors!"

So here they were.

School was as lonely as Sheik had thought, though. Midna and Nabooru weren't in this class, and Link hadn't shown up. The only person he really knew and could trust, even among all the teachers, was Groose.

Groose sat hunched over his seat, looking altogether too big for his chair. They sat at the same table, next to each other, and Groose's left hand was on the table, framing his work. Sheik felt a smile break across his face. Just a small one, a comfortable one. He reached his right hand over, and placed it on top of Groose's.

The tip of Groose's pencil broke off. He froze. Sheik went back to working on his test, as though nothing had changed. Groose remained frozen, thinking if he moved or said the wrong thing, he'd wake up. A creeping blush covered every inch of his exposed skin. His hand twitched, and finally he adjusted it so he could squeeze Sheik's hand back.

Now Sheik blushed. He bit his lower lip and glanced at Groose, who was still too bashful to look at him.

Sheik's smile grew.

The classroom door burst open, and a disheveled Link appeared. He clomped loudly between the tables and found his seat next to Sheik.

"Link!" called the teacher. "You made it."

Link bowed. "Sorry, Mr. Gaepora. I was kept really late last night at work."

Mr. Gaepora nodded, and handed Link a test. "Well you still have thirty minutes to take the test. Let me know if you need extra time."

"Gee, thanks, sir!" Link took the test and sat down, beginning immediately.

"I know you're a good student, Link."

Link's face flushed. "R-really?" He trailed off as he muttered, "Nobody's ever said that to me before . . ."

Sheik elbowed him. "Welcome to nerd-dom, Link!"

Link grinned. Then his eyes fell as if drawn to Sheik and Groose's hands. Link looked at Groose. Groose grinned victoriously back. Link looked at Sheik. Sheik shrugged, a coy grin on his face.

Suddenly, Link's good mood was shattered.

"What's wrong, Link?" Sheik asked, concerned.

"Nothing. It's just . . ." Why was he suddenly thinking about Shad?! "Must have eaten something weird for breakfast." He bent over his test and said nothing more.

"O . . . kay . . ." Sheik responded, unconvinced, but not willing to pry.

SSS

Shadow and Vio were walking along in the park, holding hands. It was something Shadow had decided he liked—holding hands. And Vio hardly complained.

"I'm sorry I kept things from you," Vio muttered for the eleventh time, still not sounding sorry.

"Yeah, well," Shadow answered, also for the eleventh time, "I can't believe you have a lab!"

"I'm sorry . . ."

"Will you show me?"

"NO. I mean . . ." Vio suddenly gripped his hand very tightly. "It's . . . private."

"Well, yeaaaaaah . . ." Shadow hurried up two steps and turned to face Vio. They both paused in their stride. "But I'm your boyfriend!" Shadow said, coming up on his toes slightly. "And you need to make it up to me."

Vio wouldn't meet his eyes. "Don't you have school to go to?"

"Same as you. Why aren't you there?"

Vio lifted his chin pompously. "I took the exams early, so Blue would get off my case about not going to school."

Shadow was impressed. "Wow, so you barely went to school and you still passed?"

"Perfect marks."

Shadow grinned. "You're really smart!"

"Yes. You need to go to school."

"No. You're just trying to distract me from wanting to go to your lab!" Vio squirmed, and Shadow laughed. "Give it up, Vio! I never forget! Take me, take meeeeeeee!" He pulled on Vio's arm insistently.

Vio sighed. "Maybe later."

Shadow dropped Vio's hand and folded his arms.

Vio knew he'd messed up immediately. "What—wait, I—"

But Shadow was already storming off.

Vio ran after him and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him back against his chest. "Don't leave," he said into his ear.

"Why should I stay?" Shadow asked, reasonably.

"It's not that I don't want to . . ." Vio began to lie.

"Yes it is."

Damn. He buried his nose in Shadow's hair. "It's not so easy! The others don't know about it."

"All the more reason to go when they're at school and work, right?"

Vio thought about lying, saying Blue wasn't working today. He decided against it. Shadow would catch him, anyways, and history had proven Shadow got really mad when he was lied to. Finally, he forced out, "I just don't want to. I'm not ready to show you."

He felt Shadow sigh. He let him go and Shadow took a step away and turned to look at him. His eyes were shiny. "Maybe . . . maybe in the future? Sometime?"

Vio was racked with guilt. Guilt? What is this? Why do you make me feel this way? He didn't care about anybody. I mean even when he claimed he did, he felt nothing. Feeling "bad" was something you did, not something you felt.

Shadow grabbed his hand, a jolt racing through Vio. "Don't worry about it," Shadow said. "I don't want you to do something you're not ready for, but I'm sad that you don't trust me yet."

Trust him . . . He trusted nobody. And yet, he didn't know why not, in Shadow's case. As Shadow began to lead him up the sidewalk, Vio began to think. Why don't I trust him? Shadow's never lied to me. He's never given me a reason not to trust him. He really knows me—I can't even lie anymore without him guessing at my reasons! Correctly! He stared at the back of Shadow's head. Vio, if you're going to trust somebody, now's the time to do it! He's been with you this long, watched you, and knows you. He's either trustworthy or he's not. You either trust him or you don't. Make a decision!

"Oh my gosh!" Shadow cried out, letting go of Vio's hand and running to a bush. He knelt down, looking at something. "Vio, come here quick!"

Vio did so, and crouched down next to Shadow. Next to the bush was a cardboard box. Inside was a kitten, or a small cat, mewling painfully. One of its legs was bent at a strange angle, and its fur was matted with blood.

Shadow had a hand over his mouth, but he let go long enough to clench his fists and exclaim, "Some bastard left it out here to die!"

Vio glanced at Shadow, noting the anger in his voice. He was trying to grasp why it was so important that somebody had abandoned the cat. Vio himself didn't care, but Shadow did . . . so he tried to care, too. He tried to connect to that part of him that maybe cared. Shadow's anger stirred something in himself. "Let me see," Vio offered.

Shadow scooted just slightly, reaching in to pet the kitten's head. "Poor baby . . . do you know if there's a vet nearby?"

Vio shook his head. "They'll just euthanize him," he said bluntly. Shadow gasped. Should have put that more nicely . . . or should I have? Now he was just confused.

"We can't just LEAVE him here!" Shadow reached in and carefully moved the kitten's legs around. "It's just that one leg. Oh, wait—" He accidentally brushed fingers across a gash on the kitten's belly that hadn't been visible before. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

The kitten yowled, but then its voice dropped out because it was in so much pain and its face just contorted in a silent yowl.

Vio couldn't help it. He turned away and burst out laughing.

Shadow was flabbergasted. "What's so funny?"

Oh God, stop . . . stop! Vio covered his mouth, but there was nothing he could do to stop the laughing. It was just . . . it was funny. He held his breath, which took care of most of the laughs, but there was nothing he could do about the tears of laughter streaming down his face.

"What is WRONG with you?!"

The disgust in Shadow's voice sent Vio's brain into overdrive. I laugh when I'm upset! I'm actually really crying! He thought up those and many other lies. No . . . don't lie. DON'T LIE, Vio! He could never fake caring for an animal, even if he convinced Shadow that he really did laugh when he was upset.

He didn't laugh when he was upset.

And, more than that . . . he didn't want to lie. I want him to see me for me. I want him to like ME! How do I fix this?! He turned back around and leaned over the box. "It looks fixable," he said.

"What?" Shadow was having a hard time keeping up with the Vio's changing attitudes.

"I think I can fix him. Make him better. But we'll have to carry him to my house." He got the box into his arms and stood up.

"You're going to save him?" Shadow glanced at him hopefully, trustingly, adoringly. "Can you do that?"

"Yeah." No lying. "Maybe."

"But how?"

Vio looked deep into Shadow's eyes, then said, "You wanted to see my lab, right?"

Shadow's eyes brightened, and he smiled. "That's right! You have a lab!"

"We should hurry."


Shadow's heart was pounding the entire surgery. He was worried about the kitten, but also, DANG! Vio was kind of hot. I mean he was putting a kitten back together for goodness sake.

Vio was leaning over his operating table, wearing a purple lab coat, of all things, and a mask. His concentration was unbreakable. If Shadow asked a question, Vio answered without skipping a beat.

It took who knows how many hours to set the leg, clean the wounds, and stitch everything up, but eventually Vio began carefully bandaging the kitten up.

Shadow had helped hold the kitten and hand Vio instruments he needed. Vio had an extra purple lab coat for him, too. After the first few hours, Vio had said he no longer needed Shadow's assistance, so Shadow had wandered away.

Vio's lab was hidden in the abandoned basement of the house he and his foster brothers lived in. Nobody knew about it. There were fluorescent lights installed in the ceiling, and the walls were unfinished, brick showing through. In some places dirt showed through. There were tables and metal drawers and cabinets, file folders. On the tables and metal shelves were canisters with labels, and jars with unidentifiable objects inside. Most of them seemed to be plants.

"Finished!" Vio called from the operating table.

Shadow turned around. "Is he going to be alright?"

Vio nodded. "I think so . . ." With Shadow's instruction, they wrapped the kitten in a blanket and set him in a basket on top of a pillow, making sure he was situated comfortably, but also so there was no stress on his leg or the stitches in his stomach.

"Aaw, he's so cute!" Shadow was saying. Vio wasn't staring at the cat. He was staring at Shadow, who was very cute when he was looking at the kitten. After a few moments, Shadow stood up and looked around. "So . . . this is your lab, huh?"

Vio nodded, feeling a strange heat on his cheeks. "It's not much, but . . ."

"It's like Frankenstein met my dad down here!"

Vio wasn't sure if that was a compliment or simply a statement of fact.

Shadow went looking around at all of the chemistry sets set up on one table. He turned to Vio, a vulnerable expression on his face. "You don't test on animals, do you?"

Vio pulled the mask off of his face. "It's illegal."

Shadow nodded and went back to looking around.

"But I do."

Shadow froze. "Why?" He asked simply.

How do I explain it. "I mean . . . they're usually dead . . . well, not all the time . . ."

Shadow covered his ears. "Vio, Vio why?"

Vio walked over to him carefully, wringing his hands. "You really care about animals, don't you?"

"Yes! That's why I'm vegan! How could you test on animals, Vio? Why?!" Vio tried to put a hand on Shadow's arm, but Shadow flinched. "Why did you save that kitten, then?" Shadow gestured madly at the basket. "Why'd you go through the trouble? To impress ME? You didn't care about that kitten at all, did you?"

"Well, no—"

"Then WHY? WHY VIO?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Vio yelled.

Shadow was taken aback.

Vio leaned his back against a wall and sank to the ground, with his knees up, hands in his hair. "I don't know why I'm this way, I just am!"

"What do you . . . what do you mean?" Now it was Shadow's turn to join Vio on the ground.

"I don't know why I don't care, I just don't. I don't care about people, I don't care about animals, I just don't care! All I care about is my research, and entertaining myself, and I don't know why!"

"You don't care about people?"

"PEOPLE HURT YOU!" Vio was more upset than he'd ever felt. He'd never shown anyone his lab, never told anybody any of this stuff. "They don't want to see me, they don't want to see who I am. But what they don't get is I DON'T LIKE MYSELF!" He covered his eyes and ears. He held his breath, trying to stay in control. After several minutes, he opened his eyes and uncovered his ears.

Shadow was still there.

Vio hadn't realized, but he had expected Shadow to leave. That's why he'd closed his eyes and covered his ears. He didn't want to see Shadow leave, didn't want to hear him close the door. But he hadn't. He was still here. "You're . . . you're still here."

"Do you . . ." Shadow began, "Do you care about me?" He put a handon Vio's knee.

Vio looked away. "I . . . I want you."

"Okay," Shadow said, a little amused, "So you're attracted to me, but that's not the same thing. Do you care? If I were to die tomorrow, would you cry?"

"Yes."

"So you do care."

"I'd cry for myself, being without you. I wouldn't cry that you were dead." The room felt freezing.

Shadow seemed blown away. He stood up and stepped away, apparently thinking very hard.

Vio almost didn't say it. At first he was afraid it was another lie, but as he pushed it around his mouth he became convinced it had to be true. The tiniest of whispers escaped his mouth, "I want to . . ."

"Excuse me?" Shadow asked, turning to look at him again.

"I don't like being this way," Vio revealed. "I . . . I want to care about you. I want to care about Red, and Green, and Blue. I act like I do, sometimes, because I want to. I know I'm supposed to, and I really REALLY want to. I just don't." He shrank into himself. "I've never told this to anybody."

". . . Why not?"

"They'd hate me."

Vio heard Shadow take more steps. They were toward him, then he heard Shadow crouch down again. Vio dared to look up.

Shadow was smiling at him. What? Why? Why are you smiling at me?! Are you an idiot? Are you like me? Are you bad?

No. None of those things. He was smart enough to realize it was like caring for people—he just wouldn't ever understand any of that.

"I think I understand," Shadow said.

Vio came slightly out of his shell. "You . . . do?"

Shadow nodded thoughtfully. "I mean, if you don't even like yourself, then you can't like other people, or other animals."

"But you don't understand, I—"

"But that's not your problem."

Vio shut up.

"Your problem is that you don't care," Shadow continued. "You CAN'T like yourself, because that requires being able to feel . . . Vio, are you broken?"

Suddenly sniffing, Vio replied, "I think so. I just don't feel good things about people. Or bad things. Just nothing at all."

"That's gotta be scary."

Vio thought about it, and at first it annoyed him, but the longer he thought about it, the more he thought Shadow was right. He was scared. Everyone else seemed to have this magical thing called 'caring' to guide them through life, to keep them out of trouble, to get friends and keep them, to have lovers . . . he didn't have that. He didn't even know what that was. He knew how to be nice, but not for the sake of being nice. He knew how to say 'I love you,' but not for the sake of being in love. Where did people get that from?

"Well . . . I think you DO want to be better," Shadow concluded. "And that tells me . . . you care more than most."

"Excuse me?" Vio completely deadpanned.

Shadow chuckled. "Hear me out. Most people care because if they do something bad, they FEEL bad, and that's why they don't do things that most consider 'bad.' It's not really because they care, they just don't want to feel bad."

"Is feeling bad really so . . . bad?"

Shadow nodded. "Yeah. I mean sometimes even doing the right thing can feel bad, so sometimes people will do the wrong thing to avoid feeling bad."

"I didn't realize it was so complicated for people who aren't like me, too."

"Yeah, it kinda sucks! But what I meant before was, you don't even know what it's like to feel good. You've got no motivation for being good. And yet . . . you're good."

Vio lifted his head. "I am?"

"Well, you've never murdered anyone, have you?"

"No . . ."

"You tortured animals, okay, that's bad. That's REALLY REALLY bad, but even though you don't feel BAD about it, you know it's wrong. I think that's amazing."

Vio was starting to feel something burning in his chest. "You do?"

"Yeah."

Vio leaned forward. "I'll never do it again! I swear, I SWEAR! I'll never hurt another animal for as long as I live, Shadow!"

"See?" Shadow said. "You really want to be good, Vio, you just don't really have a moral compass in the form of feelings. You have to go by what other people do and say and think is normal. You've done a great job."

I'm good! I'm not bad! I'm good! Shadow thinks I'm good! Shadow's . . . still here. Vio launched forward and threw his arms around Shadow, hugging him fiercely. "You . . . you . . ."

Shadow hugged him back.

"I don't wanna be like this anymore!" Vio sobbed. "You understand . . . You understand me! I don't wanna BE like this anymore!"

"I'm here, Vio, don't worry. I won't leave you behind. You just got to trust me, okay? You're going to be just fine."

Trust him. Yes. Trust him! "I do. I do trust you, Shadow! You're the first person who's ever understood me. Red sort of does, but not all the way. I feel like I can actually call you . . . my friend!"

He could hear the smirk in Shadow's voice. "Just a friend, huh?"

Vio pulled back so he could look at him. "Baby steps."

"Okay. Baby steps. Wait. So we were already friends, and then boyfriends, but you don't know if you care about me, and now I'm your friend again, like do you mean . . . emotionally?"

Vio nodded.

"You can feel that? That's great! So I'm you're emotional friend." Shadow grinned. "Alright then!"

"I want you to be my emotional boyfriend, too. I want you to be with me forever."

Shadow's heart began to flutter. "Oh. Forever? Wow."

Vio placed his hands on either side of Shadow's face and bumped foreheads with him. "Forever."

This was one of those moments. Those times Vaati was talking about, when you're close to someone and . . . you know, stuff! Feelings. Hotness. Other things. "I don't know if I'm ready for that," Shadow said thickly.

"That's okay," Vio answered, Shadow following his mouth's every move, "But that's what I want."

Shadow gulped.