Chapter 15

Anomie was never ashamed of what she was: Oiran.

Oiran was a dirty word to public ears. It was an insult- an embarrassing stain on any village that held themselves to supporting a brothel. It was a dirty profession. A violent profession that often left bruises on a girl's skin. It was a heartbreaking profession when a girl's child was murdered before it had a chance to let out its first cry.

Anomie hated the profession, but she had never been ashamed of it.

She hated being touched. She hated when someone forced a kiss on her lips. She hated when someone struck her in the face out of jealousy or just a desire to remind her that she was a lower being- not worthy of care.

She hated when men would grip her wrists or run their calloused hands up her sides and over her breasts.

She hated it, but being an Oiran was all she was good at.

She knew what to say to make a man desire her. She knew where to touch. She knew how to touch. She knew how to make her muscles constrict for their utmost pleasure. She knew how to pretend to fall in love.

Being an Oiran was all she was good at...until she realized she was good at killing.

She doubted anyone cared what taking away her purpose would do to her. All she wanted was to protect this stupid village- that was her only purpose. It was all she was good for.

"Stop," Kakashi voice murmured before she could so much as remove her bra.

"Why?" The affectionate tone from before left her voice until all that was left was a girl staring at him through thick lashes. Her hair was scattered over her shoulders, and her bangs were messy as she tilted her head to the side. Her form still sat mounted on his lap when he ran a hand through his white locks.

"I can't do this," he mumbled, and practically forced her off of him.

"Was this not what you wanted?" Anomie's voice was chilled, and all echo of her earlier laughter or flirting tone had dissipated. She smirked, unhooking her bra and letting it fall. Not once, however, did Kakashi's gaze stray from her eyes. "You wanted me...did you not? I can tell you wanted me."

"Maybe, but not when you are like this," he stated, and her eyes narrowed.

She didn't look phased when she gripped his hand and placed it on her breast. She could feel his pulse through his wrist, speeding up even though his expression remained neutral. "I'm just doing what you want. It's what they all want."

His expression didn't change, even when he took a step closer and forced her grip from his hand, placing her cheeks in between his palms. "I won't be your excuse for self destruction."

"What changed?" Her expression pulled into something ugly, a brief display of anger before it disappeared.

"You don't flirt, Anomie...not like that," Kakashi's voice was simple. "That isn't something that you do. I know an act when I see it. You play it well, but I know you." She opened her lips to snap, but his lips pressing against her forehead broke her away from a coherent sentence. "I won't become your excuse."

She wasn't certain how long she stood there until she realized she was humiliated.

Once again, without failure, she had lost something again.

She wasn't even capable of being an Oiran anymore.

The feeling made her heart pound in her chest until all she could hear was the palpitation in her head. She heard his voice, maybe, maybe not, but slowly her gaze met his. "Am I not beautiful enough?" Her voice turned cold, and he was vaguely reminded of a cornered feline, set to attack. "Did my kiss not satisfy? Is my chest too small? Too big?"

"Don't do that," Kakashi said simply, covering her shoulders with a blanket from the bed.

"Do what?" Anomie's eyes narrowed, gripping her hair in a fist and turning her head so violently that he was forced to see the branding on the back of her neck before she shoved her small palms into his chest. "This is what am! This is all I am! Just kiss me...I know you want to!" She shoved her palms into his chest again, and the force would have likely knocked a weaker man off his feet, but Kakashi didn't so much as budge as his expression turned impassive. "I know you want to!" Her palms clenched into fists until she was slamming her hands onto his chest.

He let her, and saw the mask she wore, for a split second, finally crack and her hits grew rougher as her eyes filled with tears.

"Just..." She barely realized she had started crying and by the time the tears had come, her cheeks were crowded with untapped moisture as her punches grew weaker. "This is all I'm good at..."

"It's not," Kakashi said simply, gripping onto her sides before she could collapse and when she glanced up towards his eyes, she found he had blocked her off from being able to read him. Or maybe she had blocked herself off, for she couldn't figure out what he was thinking.

"Being an Oiran is all I have left," Anomie's voice cracked, and when she looked back up into his eyes, he noticed the violent anger had dissipated. For a moment, she almost looked her age. He saw a scared and confused 17-year-old girl. "There's nothing else..."

He didn't say anything for a moment. "It's okay." His whisper was hoarse, muffled by her hair as he kissed her head and embraced her.

"It's not...It's never been okay," she whispered, and the sobs wrecked her body until she collapsed in his arms.

"It will be...I don't believe you killed anyone," his voice was almost gentle.

"It doesn't matter...I will be tossed under...This village doesn't care about you or me or Rin or Obito or anyone..." Her murmuring was cold, and his arms tightened. "I have nothing...Fighting is all I can do...Sex is all I'm good for and even you don't want me."

He pulled away, pressing her cheeks in between his palm. "I've always wanted you..."

Her eyes were haunting, but he met her gaze straight on. She didn't speak, she only closed her eyes, tears squeezing out between the lids. "Am I? Even like this...? You still want me?"

"Are you giving me permission?" Kakashi's lips quirked into a smirk.

Despite the tears, her lips quirked into a smile as she wiped the moisture away from her cheeks before it could fall into her lips. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into..."

Kakashi raised a brow, glancing over her form, noticing that her heart-rate, that once skyrocketed, had slowed while she pulled the blanket closer around her chest. "Interesting choice of words...considering." She wasn't certain how long she sat their, absorbed in Kakashi's arms, but not once did he let go, and for a moment, she almost contemplated closing her eyes and enjoying it.

He was warm, and he smelled like vanilla and lavender. It was intoxicating and she was nearly lost in his embrace. His arms were locked around her, and she could hear the beating of his heart through the thin material of his shirt.

Once more she smiled away her tears. "I'm embarrassed..." She finally admitted, taking a step back. She glanced around at her clothes that she had tossed around with a sigh. She refused to meet his eye as she picked up her fallen clothes that had scattered.

"I was beginning to think you didn't get embarrassed," Kakashi said simply, and Anomie slightly smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile and came out bitter.

"Well, that's because you don't really know me."

"I know enough."

Anomie glanced at him through thick lashes, activating one of her seals, causing her to become fully clothed by the time he blinked again. There were so many questions at the tip of her tongue, but she spoke of none of them and merely opened and closed her lips over again before shaking her head and dropping the blanket to the ground.

"Now I'm really embarrassed," she murmured, running a hand through her hair. "I don't suppose we can pretend these last fifteen minutes didn't happen?"

His eyes were slightly colder by the time she met them again, "Is that your solution for everything?"

"Maybe it is," she admitted, slowly assessing the anger in his eyes. It disappeared moments later and all that was left was calm nothingness.

"Fine," he said simply, taking a step closer. "It never happened." He took another step closer, brushing his lips against hers, very briefly that she barely felt it. His eyes were dark when they connected with hers again. "That didn't either." His lips pressed against hers again, this time with a bit more pressure. "And that."

Her fingers twitched at her side with the sudden desire to pull him closer, but she held it down. "Kakashi-" His lips broke off her words again, this time with a kiss hard enough to push her head back a bit further. Up close, the smell of warm vanilla grew stronger.

"Or that," he mumbled when he separated, and she narrowed her gaze slightly until she let out a heavy and labored breath.

"None of it," she mumbled in return.

He raised a brow, running his fingers down her jaw, and for a moment her shoulders slightly relaxed.

"None of it," she repeated with a bit more force.

He sighed, but let out a chuckle, leaning his forehead against hers. "You are too stubborn."

"You are persistent on attempts to see a light in me that doesn't exist."

His eyes snapped open in a deadpan before letting out a scoff and opened his lips to make a witty retort, but she interrupted.

"I'm tired...embarrassed...and annoyed," she mumbled, and he separated, his expression empty. "How about we put this on hold and...you stay."

"Pardon?" His expression grew amused when he noticed that her eyes were narrowed in annoyance.

"Stay," she forced out the words. "With me...tonight...just...sleep."

He could tell she was having trouble with her request, so he gave up on teasing her because it was probably the only time she would ever be so open and honest.

"I'll be gone long before you wake though," she mumbled, walking over until her back hit the bed, rolling over so she could cover her face that was oddly enough burning.

He didn't touch her when he laid down next, and merely laid with a hand under his head, propped on a pillow with his other hand curled over his chest.

It was a weird feeling...a new feeling, but she wanted him to touch her.

Not like before, where she kissed him with violence and anger and desperation. Not like before where she wanted him to squeeze the life out of her...where she wanted to die in his arms. Not like before at all.

It was a feeling pure. A pure emotion as light as his feathery kisses.

It was a sickening feeling that made her insides melt. She hated every moment of it.

But a feeling so strong that she doubted it would ever part.

Mostly, she wished she could forget her past. She wished she could forget the calloused hands running up her breasts or the tears when she was nine years old and taken by an old man who said she was beautiful. She wanted to forget the tears that lasted for days- weeks with no reprieve. She wanted to forget when she was struck or almost strangled while she laid on her back and wished he would strangle a bit longer to just end her suffering.

She wanted to forget Anomie and go back to Fuyu. Innocent, stupid, pure Fuyu who was gentle and kind.

"Fuyu was the name of a street rat, without family or life. Anomie is lucky. It brought me life and education and purpose..." Anomie could remember Rin's face when she closed her eyes and it sent a wave of sorrow to flow through her heart. "It was also the name I had when I met you."

The memory, painful as it was, made Anomie's lips slightly curl upwards.

Fuyu never knew Rin...the kind girl who saved her life and healed her wounds. The kind girl who took her in without any expectancy of getting anything in return.

No one had ever treated Anomie so selflessly before Rin.

Anomie felt a rush of emotions she couldn't decipher and barely noticed she had begun to cry until she felt Kakashi's fingers wrap around her palm. It was an innocent touch, and it almost made her feel (no matter how brief the feeling passed) innocent as well.

For tonight, she could pretend to forget about Anomie, about Rin, about everything painful and just be Fuyu again.

She barely noticed her fingers squeezing back.

She could pretend the sun didn't have to rise in the morning as well.

»»⎯⎯⎯¤⎯⎯⎯««

"I see you're still strong under suspicion," Orochimaru's voice was slick and smooth, causing Anomie to have to hold back a shiver as she leapt from the crater in the ground. Once more, she noticed that his expression had chilled.

"You should see me in a prison cell," she said in return, rolling her eyes as she tried to hold down her attitude towards his snake like charm.

Orochimaru let out a chuckle, crossing his arms over his chest as his head tilted to the side. "You are more focused now." His observation was smooth, and Anomie held back the urge to raise a brow, deciding that offending him was not in either of their best interests.

"When people think you are a child serial killer, it tends to hold off the prospect of wanting to be your friend," she answered simply, taking an inhale of breath, her eyes tracing over Orochimaru's smirk.

"Luckily I offered to keep watch over you then," his voice was smooth and clear, soothing her doubts. No one questioned whatever Orochimaru wanted to do, at least not outwardly. A Sannin war hero, trained by the third Hokage himself was a difficult prospect to argue against.

She would rather Orochimaru be her captor than some annoying Anbu ninja who already thought her guilty.

"You never asked," her own voice surprised her, as she hadn't meant to speak. "If I actually killed those children."

"I have no need to ask," he said simply, slightly smirking when he noticed her brows furrow. "I already know you didn't do it."

"How do you know?"

"It's a bit too convenient for your trace of Chakra to be found on the body," he stated, before smirking at her expression of skepticism. "Of course I read the report." He waved his hand outwardly before tucking a strand of black hair behind his ear. "You're careless and rash sometimes, but you are by no means stupid. It would be a rookie mistake if this was your doing."

"You're saying I'm being framed?" Anomie had thought so as well.

"Quite." He said, taking a step forward, watching the rage ignite and dissipate in her eyes. "I don't believe in coincidence. The killer wouldn't allow herself to be found at the scene of every dead body. If you were that stupid, I wouldn't have looked twice at you."

She wanted to smile, but the rage boiled in her chest so violently that she wanted to scream. "Someone in this village wants me gone it seems..."

"Who better to blame than you?" He said in reply. "You have no family. No friends. No one who cares enough to be your alibi. The elders are lazy and corrupt. I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to sweep all the trouble your way to get the citizens off their backs. How coincidental that the bodies were all in line with your patrol zones? Who else but the ones who assign the patrols would know how to frame you so drastically? Why would they want to deal with these murders and the Uchiha coup at the same time?"

"Uchiha coup?" The words spewed out from Anomie's lips so fast that she missed the slight glimmer of amusement in Orochimaru's eyes.

"They truly are keeping you in the dark, Anomie," his voice slithered into a whisper that caused her eyes to narrow. "Even the new Anbu recruits know that the struggles between Uchiha and Konoha have grown to boiling proportion. No one has even let a murmur slip to you." He raised his fingers and brushed it against her cheek and she felt the rage ignite once more.

"I see," was all she managed out as she squeezed her eyes shut to drown out the anger.

His fingers brushing against her cheek wasn't comforting, but oddly she craved his touch of affection. His murmur of praise. His poison of truth.

"Have you ever wondered whether or not you are apart of this village...or stuck on the outside?" He asked, and her eyes snapped open while he let his hand fall.

She hadn't.

All she ever wanted was to kill Konoha's enemies...but what if she were to become an enemy of Konoha? Was that where this was leading her?

"Have you ever wondered if Konoha even deserved your loyalty?" His voice drew closer to her ear and she suppressed a shiver.

"What else would I give loyalty to?" She asked in return, for her village was long sense burned to the ground with no survivors. Kumo had been thorough apart from herself.

Orochimaru's head tilted as if he had to think about his answer when they both knew he had already figured it out. "Yourself...and me."

"You speak as if..." She murmured in a whisper, but she broke off at his smirk.

"As if?"

"As if you were not a Konoha ninja."

"I am so much more...and you could be to." He said in reply, his eyes glinting.

No one had ever given her so much meaningful praise, and she found herself drawn in like a moth to a flame. "Could I?"

"Without a doubt."

She let out a sigh, her shoulders relaxing at the concept of being more...more than a killer...more than a fighter...more than a whore...just more.

"What would you be willing to do for your dream of power?" He asked and she glanced up through thick lashes.

As if he didn't know the answer.

Anomie didn't know how, but Orochimaru knew everything. Everything about her. Everything about every inner corner of her heart.

"Anything."


Author's Note

Oleander (Oreandā) (オレアンダー) are poisonous flowers. Due to its origin in the Mediterranean region it is very resistant to drought hence all along the summer and the warm months it can thrive and create flashy blooms. The hazardous oils that constitute the plant poisons can become airborne and my cause difficulty in breathing when inhaled.

In the complex language of love practiced during the time of Queen Victoria, Oleander means caution.

As a superstition, it was said that an Oleander should never be kept in the bedroom as it will bring sickness to the room.

In Greek Myth, the Oleander is associated with charm and romance. The origin of the name was said to have come from a young man whose ardour to his Lady Love ended in a tragedy. The young man was named Leander and out of sheer determination to see his love swam the Hellespont every night.

In one dreadful night however, while trying to reach a blossom of the plant for his lady, he drowned and so the sweet tryst of the lover ended. In the morning, his precious lady longing for his love can be seen shouting and with such forlorn cried "O Leander!", "O Leander!" in the banks until finally he found and clasp in his hands are these sweet flowers who has now become a symbol of everlasting love – Oleander!

I chose it to represent Anomie's character- because through all the bad, she resists death and defeat, bringing others down with her with her slightly toxic nature.

Anyway, this chapter was short, but I felt like it had to be done. Orochimaru has been gone a while. Wonder where he could have been.

He's quite the manipulator in this chapter, but it had to be done. Kakashi and Anomie's relationship took a step forward before she jumped two miles back. Not really her fault since she's so messed up.

I am sorry for making people thing they did it and then ruining it. Aha. It's honestly my thing. She's not ready to...do the nasty until she gets over her pasty. And Kakashi is smart. He knows what's up.

I think it's already obvious that she does feel something for our little masked captain, but I think she needs more time to to heal before I can successful create that kind of mood. Luckily, Kakashi doesn't give two shits what mean things she says.

I wanted to show a bit of what was going through Anomie's head and why she's acting crazy. It's cause she is crazy. I also wanted to show a bit more of the significance of Rin, since Rin was a turning point in Anomie's character. I didn't ever go into complete detail on why Rin meant so much to her, so I planned this scene for a while. She is in no way "over it".

I hope I didn't make Anomie seem like she had romantic affection for Rin, since I think it was more than that. Rin was like her hero. Her role model. Her saviour.

So that's what I'm going for.