I do not own 'The Hunger Games' or anything related.
We didn't say another word along the walk back to the train. When we reached the hallway where Katniss' compartment was situated, I gave her a pat on the shoulder.
"You could do a lot worse, you know," I told her as I left.
I knew my words were little comfort. One of the few freedoms we had was the right to marry and now that has been taken away from the girl. Even worse, she and Peeta will probably be expected to have children, and I was certain that their names would be picked out from the lottery… One of the pros for me not having children was that I never have to go through that, but for Katniss and Peeta?
I couldn't help but feel responsible. Well, I was responsible! This whole star crossed lovers romance was my idea! But I never expected it to get out of hand like this! Then again, I didn't really consider the consequences, I just wanted to keep at least one of them alive! But at the point where I thought that two could really come out of this alive, did I really expect them to keep up the romance forever? Sure, it was important that they keep up the romance with the cameras focused on them, but I thought at least after that, they could be allowed to drift apart, or at least assume a more platonic relationship in public. Or maybe I was just kidding myself again, as I did when I thought we had gotten away with it. But surely they wouldn't have been expected to stay madly in love forever even if it wasn't for the current situation, right? There is a reason why stories end with 'happily ever after'. Cos people would find boring what comes next. After all, it's not the romance itself that draws people in, it's the drama. The story. Oh sure, people would continue to enjoy the romance, but surely eventually they would have gotten bored, right? And what could create more drama, up the interest in their relationship but a break up? Oh sure, people would weep over the end of katta or peetniss, and hope that one day they would get back together…and perhaps they would get back together, if only briefly. The two would never be free of each other as long as the capitol audience had interest…
But with the stability of the nation resting on these two being nothing but madly in love for the rest of their lives would mean they probably wouldn't even allowed to have a break from each other. There's something else that I hadn't mentioned to Katniss. Victors, particularly attractive victors, when of age (that is 16) had their bodies sold to wealthy capitol citizens. It was disgusting thinking of all of that coverage regarding victors and their latest conquests or relationships, and the people having no idea that they had no choice in the matter or their loved ones would be in danger. Finnick Odair, a victor from District 4, was the most common victim. And I knew that Katniss and Peeta would play along in order to protect their loved ones. I could already imagine the scandal, whether it was Katniss or Peeta or both, caught 'cheating' on the other, and how the audience would then boo the suppose perpetrator, and probably then lose all interest in their romance. But if Snow was really counting on them being happy ever after, then he couldn't really afford to sell them to anyone. Unless it was in secret, but then these secrets always have a way of getting out. So if there was an upside, at least it would protect both of them from being forced into sexual relationships with these dirty people, even if it is with a boy that the girl isn't exactly as mad in love with as she portrayed to the camera. The boy was as madly in love with the girl as he portrayed to the cameras, but for him it would be a different kind of misery, to be with the girl he loved yet knowing that she does not reciprocate his love.
Or does she? There were times when I was convinced that perhaps Katniss really was in love with Peeta as much as he was. I thought of the times when she risked her own life to get the medicine for his leg, or even the moment when she came up with the plan to save both of their lives at the end. I was still haunted by the image of her watching a dying Peeta being worked on by capitol doctors, as if she was about to go insane if he died…
I wasn't sure. I'm not even sure if she was sure over how she felt. But the tragic thing is that she would never get the change to untangle her feelings, not as long as the capitol kept pushing them together.
Something else the capitol has taken from them.
I didn't get to sleep until dawn, and when I did wake up it was with a massive hangover (I might have indulged myself in a bit of alcohol before I went to bed). When I did wake up, it was before lunch time. At this point we would be all gathered for the first time today. Walking down, I realised that I had passed the door to Peeta's compartment. I took a couple of steps back to look at it. I thought about what would happen. How the two would continue to give a good performance yet be unable to look at each other. I shook my head. This couldn't go on. It wasn't just that the need to present themselves as a loving couple depended on these two, I just couldn't stand them being so miserable anymore. I knocked on the door.
"Come in?" I heard Peeta say.
I opened the door. I saw Peeta getting ready.
"Haymitch!"
"Just wanted to see how you were doing. So. In a few moments you'll have to present yourselves as a loving couple."
Already I could see a pang of pain across the boy's face.
"You don't have to worry about me, Haymitch. I'll keep up the act."
"Oh I don't doubt your ability to do so. But it might also help if you weren't so distant with each other."
Now I could see more visible pain on his face.
"You want my advice?" I asked.
Peeta collapsed on the couch.
"Go ahead," He said.
"Grow a pair."
From the boy's reaction, you could tell that this was not the advice he was expecting.
"Grow a – Haymitch, do you not understand-"
"Oh boo hoo, so she lied about being in love with you so that you could stay alive, boo hoo!"
"Haymitch, it's more than that!" Peeta shot up from the couch, "She lied to me! She made me think-"
It was my turn for my temper to flare.
"Do you have any idea what she's done for you?" I demanded, ignoring the pounding in my head, "She risked her life for you! She didn't have to go after the medicine, and she sure as hell didn't need to put those nightlocke berries in her mouth in order to save your ungrateful hide! You think anyone else would have done that for you?"
Looking as if he had been punched, I could tell that Peeta was busy processing what I had just said.
"She – she just did that for the cameras. So that people would think we were madly in love…"
Teenagers. The one thing I hated most about them was how they let their emotions overrule their reason, and that even if you try to point this out to them rather than accept your constructive criticism they'd rather take it as a queue to get even more emotional with you. I know that I'm not exactly a good example of someone who kept their emotions in check, but that didn't mean I had to like it in others! One of the things I liked about Peeta was at least he seemed to be mature for his age. Up until that point.
"You stupid kid," I told him, "If you weren't so busy tending to your bruised feelings then maybe you'd realise that Katniss only did what she had to, what extraordinary lengths she took to keep you alive instead of punishing her all the time!"
I didn't give him a chance to respond, as I spun around, exited the compartment and slammed the door.
I was probably a bit too harsh back there, but I hoped that I had knocked some sense into Peeta's brain. Or not only had I failed to make a difference in his treatment of Katniss but I had driven a wedge between us as well. When we met up for lunch, he didn't seem to be angry with me. Eventually Katniss joined us. I noticed that this time, Peeta was looking at her, and not with the disdain from the last six months, but this time it was Katniss who was avoiding looking at the other, likely dealing with the fact that along the road she'll have to marry him. I could tell that the weight of it was weighing on her.
When the train suddenly stopped for repair and Effie complained about how this would mess up the schedule she finally snapped.
"For goodness sake, Effie, nobody cares!"
I know that she was dealing with a lot right now and that Effie can be annoying, but that's still no excuse for losing her temper as she just did.
And with that she stormed out. I looked at Effie, and I could get that she was doing her best to hold back the tears. It was now Peeta who stood up.
"I'll go talk to her," He said, putting an assuring hand on her shoulder, before walking out. It seemed that my words had gotten through to him.
"She's just stressed, Effie," I told her, "With the pressure of the tour and all that!"
"That's no excuse for behaving like she just did!" Said Effie.
"No, it wasn't."
Effie sat down.
"That is all there is, right? Just the pressure?"
Even though Effie gave the impression of having few brain cells, I had known her long enough to know that she was more astute than the impression she gave, and that was just a front, just like my front of a drunken fool.
Really!
"That's all there is," I told her.
Effie started at me, suspecting that I knew there was more to it, but knew not to press the issue. Eventually Katniss and Peeta came back, and Katniss gave a very heartfelt apology. A little overkill if you ask me, but at least she showed how much remorse she felt and how much she was willing to make amends. Effie accepted her apology and the reason being pressure. As the kids walked out, I noticed that they were holding hands, and I don't think it was just for show, either.
"Well those two certainly seemed to have gotten closer," Effie remarked.
It was no different than the display of affection that they usually showed in public. Perhaps Effie herself had noticed that the two had been somewhat distant as of late.
"They certainly have," I replied.
Well it seemed they had made up. I was glad.
We arrived in District 11. It had been almost a quarter of a century since I had been here, since my tour. I thought about my last time here, remarking how different it was from 12, with its size, its larger population, its open fields, its tighter security, it's general small housing. I ignored all the delicious food on the table, just settling for the varieties of alcohol. Ray, who had also joined us, did the same. Eula shook her head and tutted in disapproval, telling us that we wouldn't be in a perfect state once we arrived at District 11 the way we were drinking. Looking at each other, we chuckled.
When I read out my scripted speech about the tributes, I felt bad that there wasn't anything to add. I knew very little of the tributes from this district. I think I remember two of them dying in the blood bath.
At dinner, the victors, Seeder and Chaff, were there. Both greeted us. Chaff was a boy a few years older than me. He grinned at me as I shook his remaining hand.
"Hey," He asked me when people got up to dance, "Do you want to get out of here and really party?"
"Yes," I instantly said.
"Follow me."
Escaping, he led me to the inside of the dome of the justice building, where he pulled out a couple of bottles, and we drank together. I kept eyeing the stump on his right arm.
"How come you never got a prosthetic?" I asked.
"Oh they offered, I didn't want any of the capitol technology on me. Hey, um, I just wanted to thank you. For avenging one of my tributes."
At first I didn't know what he was talking about, before I remembered that the last District 11 tribute was killed by Cassius, the District 2 tribute that I had killed. That was the tribute's death that alerted us to the careers' location.
"I wasn't actually trying to avenge anyone," I felt like admitting.
"I know. But still, I'm glad that you did. You really made him suffer for what he did."
"That wasn't my intention. I was trying to give him a quick death."
"Why?"
The question caught me by surprise. Why did I try to make my killing of Cassius as merciful as possible? What drove me to do that? It took me a moment to consider.
"I guess, I wanted to show the game makers that I was more than what they were trying to make me. That I was more than a piece in their games."
"Well that I can respect. You know. We all heard what happened to your family. I mean, they didn't say who did it, but we all know who it was."
"It was my fault. If I hadn't used that stupid force field, they would all be still alive. My girl. My ma, and my – my – baby brother-"
I burst into tears, dropping the bottle in my hand to clutch my eyes. I tried to stem the flow, to cover my mouth, but I couldn't stop it. It was the first time I had truly cried over it since it happened. When I eventually stopped, there was silence before I felt a hand on top of mine.
"Hey."
I looked up at Chaff.
"It's not your fault. They killed them, not you."
"But if I hadn't used the force field-"
"You couldn't have known what was going to happen afterwards. If you had, would you have used it?"
"No, of course not!"
"Well there you have it."
"Raybearta thinks it's my fault."
"Yeah well Raybearta is a bitch. No offence."
"Why, she is."
We burst into laughter. It felt like a long time since I had laughed.
"You know the irony is, I was only trying to do everything to get back to them."
"So, is she really all you have left in District 12?"
"Well….there is my best friend. That is, my only friend. But he's better off as far from me as possible, so I told him to shove off, and called him a collaborator."
"Is he?"
"….No. Not unless you call selling food to peacekeepers collaborating. But he does that for everyone. He just does what he needs to survive."
"Well."
Chaff patted me on the shoulder.
"Don't worry about it, man. In the mean time, I'll be your best friend."
I smiled.
"We'll see."
But we did become best friends.
Even though Chaff did his best to sway my guilty conscience, I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling whether I could truly absolve myself of what I had done because I didn't know the consequences.
Because I didn't consider the consequences.
When we arrived, our welcoming party consisted of a squad of eight peacekeepers.
"Well really," Scoffed Effie, "You'd think we were criminals."
I had a feeling about the reasoning for this.
Time had not been kind to the justice building since the last time I was here. Peeta started off to give his speech to District 11 regarding the tributes. At the end he added something that certainly wasn't expected.
"As thanks we would like to donate a month of our winnings to the families of the District 11 tributes for the rest of our lives."
There were a murmur of gasps. I knew there was no way the capitol would allow it, but it was a nice gesture nonetheless. When Katniss tiptoed so that she could kiss him, I could tell it wasn't forced.
It seemed that only Peeta was going to do all the talking.
"Wait!" Katniss shouted.
What was she doing? Her allotment to speak had come and gone!
"Wait, please."
The mayor appeared to accept her plea.
"I want to thank the tributes of District 11."
She went on to say that even though she didn't know Thresh, and only spoke once when he had saved her life, she respected his power, how he wouldn't play the games on any terms but his own, how he even refused to join the careers. The old woman that must have been his grandmother smiled. She then turned to Rue's family, saying that she did feel that she knew Rue, and where she continued to see her, especially her sister Prim, and finished with thanking District 11 for the bread. I couldn't help but stare at the screen. Did she really just come up with all that on the spot? She must have. I doubted that this was something she had actually planned to say, but the way she spoke, it was as if she had been planning this. It reminded me of her old man, how when we were far enough away from the District for anyone to hear, when he would suddenly feel like in his ranting moods, about the injustice of it all, how it always seemed spontaneous yet at the same time it was like he was drafting it in his head before suddenly feeling the need to speak. I sometimes spoke that maybe he should go into politics, although I was only half joking, as I was sure he spoke so well, so fluidly, that in other circumstances he would have no problem getting the district on his side.
At that moment the screens went blank.
I also joked that if anyone heard him speak like that, the district would likely end up rioting.
Now I feared that was exactly what Katniss had caused.
