It was in the middle of the night that Anomie awoke to a dagger about to plunge into the soft skin that created a barrier between danger and the vulnerable muscles and organs beneath. Her hand shot out, thankful for Kakashi having released her bindings as her fingers wrapped around the sharp blade in so tight a motion that it was a wonder they weren't chopped off.
Her own blood dripped down her wrist and she felt it splatter against her cheek, leaking over her ear. Her attacker wore traditional sound ninja gear and Anomie had no time to wonder how this ninja slipped past Kakashi's guard. Like a drop of oil, mixing with water, she felt this ninja's Chakra enter her coils before draining her natural energy.
Swift realization swarmed her mind as she felt this imbalance mixed with the poison making it impossible to even breathe. Attempting to beat his strength sped up the poison that already doomed her life.
The man on top of her had eyes like a bear and she tried to activate her curse mark before remembering this body had no such power. Instead, he activated his own. However, it made his eyes go crazy and his face, much like Kimimaro, had begun to turn grey.
Just before he could end her life, he was away from her and Kakashi was in front, his eye filled with the spirals of the Sharingan. Kakashi's gaze darted over to the black veins that remained on Anomie's arms. He didn't speak of it and Anomie hoisted herself up, feeling the body she was in begin to give out.
At this rate she wouldn't survive the week and yet Orochimaru was still sending men out to take her life. Even worse, he sent fucking Jūgo. Kakashi removed a shard of bone that was embedded in his shoulder with a grunt.
Jūgo and Kimimaro?
Anomie felt a moment of defeat. There really was no escaping Orochimaru.
Kimimaro jumped out from the trees, his gaze darting to Anomie. "You think you can escape?"
"Do you see me running?" Anomie stood up straight, even if it was difficult. "Kakashi, you can still leave. I made this bed. It is my fate to lay in it."
"Can't do that," he said, as his hands darted forward and activated a swift Jutsu, despite Anomie's best wishes. Since when did Kakashi ever listen to her anyway, even if she tried to look out for his best interests.
She attempted to stand, to maybe give herself up, but her legs collapsed from underneath her and her hands were covered in blood. Her fingers felt like they just might fall off and she couldn't breathe, let alone fight. She could only watch him attempt to fight both Jūgo and Kimimaro, one on two. She saw the years of practice in his taijutsu, and the only solace she could take was that Kimimaro was young and inexperienced.
Jūgo, however, was another story. His attacks were uncontrolled and unpredictable. He had the strength of a person using senjutsu Chakra. Perhaps he was and this was Orochimaru's trump card. However, what she wanted to know was how he kept finding her so easily.
The first time, with Kimimaro stabbing her through the shoulder, could have been played off as a coincidence, but now it couldn't. There was something about this body she was in that would draw her location like a beacon, shining out into the sky. Worse than that, there was nothing she could do and she couldn't even form Chakra.
"If we had known Kakashi of the Sharingan would be here, we might have attempted this differently," Kimimaro said, and Anomie saw that his breath came out a bit more labored. "Perhaps one on one, I might have lost this match. Your strength is far above my own, but how long can you defend her?"
Kakashi's eyes widened as a bone shot up from underneath Anomie, and he quickly grabbed her as the bone extended up towards the sky. If she had not been rescued, surely she would have been impaled. Oddly enough, even after he almost killed her, Anomie still didn't want Kimimaro to die.
"What are you doing? Leave," she ordered him, and Kakashi dropped her on the ground, before he blocked Jūgo's next attack.
"Nah," he replied, and she attempted to crawl backwards to give him more room to fight. She ripped off her sleeves, staring at the intricate seals that covered her arms and were likely to get her, and Kakashi killed.
It had been a long time since she had ever felt so powerless, leaving her memories of hands gripping her throat as she was raped into the ground next to cries of her mother. It didn't matter how angry she was or how scared. The only thing she could do was watch it happen.
Kakashi held his own for a long time, proving himself the prodigy that others would claim him to be. Anomie had never seen someone fight against Jūgo and all that she knew of him was hearsay and cleanups after his rampages. Perhaps first hand knowledge of his out of control behavior was why she was always so reluctant to let her curse mark take control of her.
"Goodnight, Anomie," Kimimaro whispered as he came up from behind her with a well timed strike.
However, Kakashi was faster and he was ready to block it in an instant. For a moment, Anomie thought that perhaps they could win this fight, but she knew that a good outcome was unlikely when she felt the black veins creep up her next just under her chin. She placed both of her hands over her mouth as she crouched over in order to conceal the scream.
She hoped that she could just be quiet and take the pain inward so she wouldn't take anymore of Kakashi's attention. Unfortunately, he always seemed to notice everything she did and he threw Kimimaro and Jūgo away before his hand ignited into lightning.
Anomie tried to crack open her eyes, but her lids were too heavy with the weight of no sleep and the pain that echoed in her veins. She fell forward, unable to sit upright. Darkness plagued her, but the pain wouldn't let her rest.
Being conscious, yet unable to move was perhaps the most annoying fate. Her heart burned with the desire for Kakashi to be okay, already certain that she'd never forgive herself if she got him hurt or even worse, killed. Her stomach quaked with hatred for Orochimaru and Jūgo and perhaps even Kimimaro, but she could do nothing and her body was numb up until the sounds ceased.
She attempted to open her eyes, but the veins had already swelled over her face. There was nothing she could do and she couldn't speak. She felt someone's hand brush against her cheek and she wondered, for only a moment, if she had perhaps gotten her wish when Kakashi spoke.
"You have to wake up," he whispered, and Anomie heard the desperation in his voice. Orochimaru was cruel, but lamenting on the snake would not cure her or let her open her eyes to see Kakashi one last time. Nothing would fix her. "You have to tell me how to help you."
She felt his forehead rest against hers and she felt moisture in droplets, fall down her cheeks. She wanted to speak or at least wipe away his tears, but of course, she couldn't move.
She had contemplated suicide many times in the past, and at times, she had nearly caused her own demise. However, the human desire to live was always too strong to block out and she was rendered trapped in the loop of breathing. Perhaps, everything she had ever done would have led her here, and perhaps no matter what she did, Orochimaru would have always been the cause of her demise.
Now that she was here, she had never wanted to live so badly. Even as she felt the veins curl around her heart and took away her ability to breath, she still wanted to live.
I want to live. I'm not done. I can still do so much. Please.
But of course, maybe dying would be easier than the way her life had been. Maybe it would be the easier path and this world was finally giving her an out.
She would never willingly take it. The easy road is fruitless and for the weak.
The body she was in shut down and Anomie could feel the organs fail and the seals deactivate. The pain numbed until it was just her, laying inside a dead vessel.
Orochimaru Anomie thought with a rush of anger as she felt the last seal deactivate. One move and she would be free to leave, but she felt fueled with a thick rage spread over her mind like a blanket. Sadistic, egotistical bastard.
Kakashi's voice broke that rage, and she felt it as the blanket of hate tucked underneath her subconscious. "I hated you," he said, holding her in his arms as the sky began to brighten from above them and the sun came up from the mountains in the distance. "For a long time I hated you. Even when I loved you, I still grew sick at the mention of your name. But I could never forget you, even when I thought I would never forgive you. You are probably used to people saying they can't stand you, and perhaps you never felt anything for anyone."
Kakashi's voice sounded empty, nearly monotone, and Anomie wondered if a part of him was relieved to see her gone. Maybe her death would free him from the shackles she had wrapped around him.
"I hate you Anomie," he told her, and she grew thankful that her body was smoke and she couldn't feel anything in her heart when she was incorporeal. Perhaps his words might have stung. "But I love you more. You can't be dead. Wake up. You have to wake up."
She began to remember things she had tried to forget, like the way his stare would darken before he pulled her closer as they kissed. Or the way he would always make enough food for her, even when he told her he didn't want her around. Or the way he would brush her hair out of her face when he thought she was sleeping.
She remembered the way his eyes had been so confident and focused when he said that he loved her. She had been told those words many times in the past, but none of it felt real. People usually loved the skin and the flesh and the voice. If they knew what wicked thoughts ran through her veins like a gushing flood, they would not be so keen to embrace her.
Kakashi probably always knew, and yet he was still able to sound so confident, even now.
"You can't die," he whispered, over and over.
Anomie couldn't understand how he could still love her. Even to this moment, all she could do was hurt him and it almost seemed like she couldn't stop. She could leave this body and reassure him that she would be alright, but maybe that would be selfish. Maybe she should let him think she was dead and become a shadow so he could move on.
"I love you," he whispered it once more as smoke blanketed the ground around him and the body. Perhaps he would have seen if his head wasn't buried in that body's neck.
She stood behind him, tempted to just embrace him when she noticed the wounds that decorated his body. Those were her fault and she knew it. Deep inside her rib cages resided her rotten heart that didn't deserve such devotion.
A part of that heart still remained red and beating, and while most of the time she ignored it, this time she listened. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her chest against his back as she took in his warmth, the way he smelled, the feel of the back of his neck against her forehead. She took in all of it and said the words she had been fighting back.
"I'm sorry," she whispered against his frozen back. Before she could have time to react he had already turned around, leaving the body on the ground and his hands had already wandered to her cheeks and to her forehead and to her neck.
It was as if he couldn't believe she was in front of him and she couldn't believe it either. All she knew was that she wanted him more than she had ever wanted anyone, and their close proximity wasn't enough.
"How-" he began to ask, but she didn't care. She reached forward and kissed him, not even patient enough to take off his stupid mask. He pulled it down for her and his fingers tangled into her braided white hair, pulling out the ties as his chest pressed against hers.
It was clumsy and uncomfortable and her bare knees were sinking into the grass. Even the bandages around his shoulder weren't enough to sway her away. She pulled back, before she stood up to get some distance, and her chest heaved up and down. He glanced up at her before he stood and took a step forward as she took one back.
She wanted him. That much was obvious, but doing anything would get him anywhere. The look in his eyes told her that he knew what was on her mind. He took another step forward. "I don't care about the future," he reminded her, and he placed his hand against the side of her neck and pulled her forward so their lips could connect once more.
It was gentle this time, slower and as his hands traveled over her back she felt a shiver run up and down her spine. Where he touched ignited like fire, and she burned in arms by the time his hands ran over her hips and grabbed hold of her upper thighs so she could wrap it one around his waist. He held her up and she barely took a break before she felt a tree rest against her back.
There were no words. Likely they had already said them all and what remained was best left unsaid. His hands were warm, even though hers were cold and shaking. He placed his forehead against her neck, allowing her arms to remain around his back, her forearms in between his shoulder blades.
"You woke up," he whispered, and her lips tugged up, wondering if he would be angry if she told him that she almost didn't.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, and her eyes ran over the bandage that showed his blood beginning to take over the cloth.
It had been a long time since she had seen him smile, and she had nearly forgotten the way his eyes would crinkle and the way his head would slightly tilt. All she had ever done was give him pain, no matter how badly she wished otherwise. Perhaps that was why the weight of her heart decreased when she heard his throaty chuckle, resonate against her neck.
"I am starting to get insulted," he told her as he leaned his head against hers. "I've told you over and over again that I love you. At this point, I hate to think you don't believe me."
"How can I?" countered Anomie while she held her hand up to his face. "You still don't know anything about me."
"I know enough. The good," he leaned closer, brushing his lips against her jaw over to her ear. "And the bad."
It was as if the world had exploded when he kissed her again. It was as inevitable as breathing, but even when she touched him, he found it hard to actually breathe. Her eyes fluttered shut and he watched them do that, simultaneously losing any ounce of self control he had built up in the past couple months of solitude and resentment.
His hands slid over her cheeks, tangling into her hair before brushing down her neck and cupping her waist. He was lost in the sensation of his nerves as she kissed back with just as much passion, if not more. No one could ever deny that she didn't know what she was doing when she moved her lips. Even the way she gripped his shirt seemed calculated, making him wonder just how long he had been under her spell.
Of course, it didn't matter. She was coursing through his bloodstream and he couldn't get rid of her even if he wanted to, and likely any control he had to be rid of her had disappeared the moment she kissed him.
His hands flattened against her back, pressing her small body against him until there could be no more distance between them. She was already on her toes in order to reach his lips. His hands circled around her hips, running down to her thighs before he lifted her up so her both legs could circle around him and he could get closer.
Even as his hands tangled into her hair, and his hips flattened against hers, he knew it would never be close enough. She was still too far and he still couldn't reach her and perhaps he never would. But she didn't have to love him, even if he wanted her too. It was enough if she wanted him even if he wanted her more.
●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●
Anomie didn't wait for the sun to rise before she sat up, a bit her blanket sliding off her chest as she rolled over to see Kakashi was nowhere to be found and the makeshift camp they had made remained in place.
The fire still roared with life, but that wasn't what caught her attention and rather, a small note next to her head made the flare in her heart slightly spike. She grabbed it, her fingerless gloves crinkling the paper as her hand squeezed.
Stay safe, Anomie.
She didn't have much time to really process the absence of Kakashi's presence as her eyes darted to the corner, onlooking the partition of trees as Kimimaro walked out from them. She stood, dropping the blanket as her fingers itches with the desire to toss his face into the cinders.
"You and Orochimaru haven't had your fun yet?" Anomie asked with a scowl that seemed permanently etched into her face.
Kimimaro's face was in absence of humor, but still his lips quirked up. "Doesn't seem we had quite as much fun as you." He took notice to her disheveled hair that she fixed wth her free hand. "This was just a taste of the torment that Orochimaru can inflict. Obviously you can't run. You can't hide. You couldn't even fight. You can only die a painful and hopeless death, as Orochimaru has shown you."
Anomie felt her shoulders shake, and for a moment with just one wrong glance a person would think she was crying. Of course, they would be wrong as laughter shook her shoulders and quaked into her bloodstream. She held her arms to her stomach, slightly wishing she could have stripped Kakashi for the first time before she was saddled with meaningless conversations with enemies at every corner.
"Please don't tell me that this was a lesson I was supposed to learn," Anomie's laughter ceased in an instant and her eyes narrowed almost menacingly. "Trying to install fear and hopelessness?" She wanted to do so much, like maybe tear out his guts and see if he could still perform his bone Kekkei Genkai when she drowns him in his own blood.
She barely realized the curse mark had begun to activate on her neck, over taking her skin and crawling like a snake up her face. She almost let the bloodlust overtake her before she remembered the crazed look on Jūgo's face when he fought. She remember his recklessness and the likelihood that he wouldn't even notice if he got stabbed if it meant he could continue fighting. She hardly wanted to end up like that so her curse mark retreated.
If she was to kill Kimimaro, she wanted it to be with her own hands, using her own heart.
Whether he dies today by her hands, or in fifty years through old age, it didn't matter. As long as he died, that was enough for her. Instead of all that, she raised her hand behind her back and pulled out her katana.
"Even now? You still choose to fight back?" Something flickered in Kimimaro's eyes, and perhaps a part of Anomie felt something akin to kinship with this boy, but that part disappeared the moment she died from the Thorn Death.
"Orochimaru can kiss my beautiful ass," she told him, and Kimimaro's eyes slightly narrowed. "Funny how much interest he shows when he finds out a new part of me to cut away. How quickly did you go blabbering about the wood release Jutsu?"
"If you won't come back through choice, I will have to make you through force." Kimimaro's arm extended as his bone shot through his forearm.
Anomie's lips quirked upwards as she took a step forward. "I'm quite the talented runner and this talk allowed me quite the head start."
Kimimaro didn't know what she meant until the clone disappeared in a flare of smoke.
Author's Note
薔薇/ばら Bara means rose. Rose symbolizes love. It signifies love in its various forms. Its symbolism varies based on color, variety and number.
Pink Rose: First love, Innocence, Healing
I don't really have that much to say. Anomie is gradually getting better at expressing herself, but her actual redemption is still far in the distance.
Kakashi and Anomie's relationship still hasn't gone past kissing, but hopefully one day they will get something more meaningful.
Thank you very much for all your guy's support! :)
