The trees were dipped in color on the evening of Autumn. The leaves were a brilliant hue of browns and golds and reds. The ground was covered in the dead makeshift blanket of leaves, nuzzling and slightly tucked into the dirt. Even the usual summer heat was replaced by the brilliant winds that brushed through Anomie's bangs.
It was a rather peculiar thought on that Autumn morning, weeks after her last moments with Kakashi. Peculiar in that he wasn't in her waking thoughts or taking up every cusp of her mind. It was loathsome how often is face used to do that. Perhaps she was finally headed toward some direction of peace when it came to his name whispering against her lips. Perhaps she was thankful that their last moments were a pleasing few. She got to apologize and then feel the way his fingers would brush up her arm throughout the night.
Perhaps she was happy to know that after a couple hours of pleasing conversation throughout the night, he was still the same man she remembered. They had talked for hours, and yet it felt as if nothing was said. She just enjoyed laying next to him by fire, roaring behind her and watching his lips move. She wasn't even hurt to see he had woken an hour before her, only to abandon her in the forest with only a letter. All of that was pleasant and it awoke a yearning to see him once more.
Although, she doubted another encounter would be as pleasant as their last one. No, the next one will bloody, looking into his eyes from across enemy lines. That is the path I've chosen.
The future was so uncertain, or maybe she was the uncertain. All of that didn't really matter, and yet nothing mattered more. Even if she was to be a strong woman, and try and back out from the Akatsuki's clutches, from Orochimaru's clutches, Konoha still would never take her back. Even if she wished it with all her being, that would not create a partition for her to walk through and make a home for herself.
Anomie brushed her fingers against the bark, her lips curled up as she felt her Chakra merge in with the wood. Her brain didn't know the technique, but when she placed her hand against the tree and felt her Chakra seeping into the bark, it seemed as if her body remembered it for her.
She always had a talent, perhaps innate, for Ninjutsu. In battle it made up for the fact that her Taijutsu was adequate at best, her Genjutsu abilities were below average, and her medical prowess was garbage. Ninjutsu was often her saving grace.
She felt he power on the tips of her fingers, but maybe only real and true danger would bring it out. Perhaps she only needed to remember what it was like to feel fear, mixed with the yearning to stay alive.
Or perhaps she wasn't meant to master the Wood techniques of Hashirama. Maybe it was not a gift, as little from Orochimaru ever came free, and instead it was a double edged sword that threatened to cut her if she tried to wield it. After all, didn't she have enough power? If she learned to hone what she already had, maybe any more would be unnecessary.
"Thinking rather intensely today, aren't you?" Kisame's voice broke her from the gallows of her thoughts. Anomie glanced towards him from the corner of her eyes, taking in the blue skin and the way his pointed teeth would look much more sharp when he grinned her way.
After the last Akatsuki meeting that was interrupted with Kimimaro stabbing right through her shoulder, Tobi informed her that being on her own was not her best option. However, there were many Akatsuki members she would have preferred over Kisame. Or better yet, she would have preferred none of them, as Kisame was often breathing down her neck, making it extra hard to hide the fact she was gathering information on everything the Akatsuki did.
It seemed as if she would have to wait an extra month to send word to Tsukasa. Fuck the Akatsuki and fuck Kisame.
"Mm," Anomie agreed with haunting stiffness. "What can I say? I'm low key curious to know if you're fish or man down there." Kisame's grin slightly died down, but Anomie's smirk didn't leave her face.
"You're pushing your luck," Kisame warned her.
"I mean no offense," Anomie gave him a sweet smile that was undoubtably fake. "I only worry the efforts it must be to find an attractive looking fish ready to plant their eggs for you to fertilize."
His grin was back. "Spend a lot of time thinking about my fertilization, Anomie?"
"All night," she agreed with another smile.
"That's not even how sharks mate, you know," he told her and before she had time to move, he was behind her. It wasn't sexual, but rather threatening instead. "First, they corner the female, lure her away, and go for the attack." His fingers ran over her stomach, tracing a line across as if making a motion to slit out her entrails. "After that they use their pelvic fin to inject them."
"Is this a threat or a seduction?" Anomie asked, turning around to face him, mirroring his smile. "Because, my little fin, I assure you." She leaned over, brushing her lips over his jaw as she neared his ear. "I'm better than you at both."
"Merely a lesson, Anomie," he told her, taking a step back. His eyes were filled with a humor that she didn't much care for, but she smirked nonetheless.
"Power in knowledge," she agreed, holding back that trickle of annoyance that spread up and down her spine.
"There's power in power," he disagreed, and this caused her to let out a laugh.
"Well said. Perhaps brute strength against you would not be to my benefit, but Hoshigaki Kisame, you are an honorable opponent. It is perhaps your best quality to never stoop to dastardly methods in order to win. I respect that about you," she walked past him, bumping her shoulder against his, taking notice to the blade behind his back that remained wrapped in bandages. "But I do not share that burden."
"It is quite honorable to admit to your opponent that you plan on cheating in a fight," Kisame once more disagreed.
Anomie chuckled, turning back towards him with a wry grin on her pink tinted lips. "I only tell you, because when the time comes and we do fight, this knowledge will not be of any benefit or advantage."
"Lets just hope we do not fight then, Anomie," Kisame said with an equally wide grin.
"Yes. I suspect our hands are full with a certain client in our wake," Anomie replied, glancing towards the ninja off in the distance. They were a group of scouts from Kirigakure. Anomie didn't actually read much of the details when Kumogakure hired the Akatsuki to kill them since documents or reading weren't really Anomie's favorite subject.
"I do wish villages would handle their own assassinations," Kisame said, taking his sword and balancing it onto his shoulder.
"And risk upsetting that fragile peace treaty?" Anomie scoffed as her body turned to smoke. This was the way of the ninja world. Betrayal and loopholes in peace.
Apart of her nearly believed these sweet fairytales the Akatsuki spewed. A peace built on the backs of demons and good leaders to keep it. No more corruption or old counsel members who preached hypocrisies about ending world suffering while simultaneously supporting raising taxes to keep their lavish lifestyle. No more old men in charge who talked about equality, only to bed underage girls as if they weren't slaves.
A part of her, this small insignificant flame, wondered if perhaps Konoha's elders had no right to her aid. Perhaps the Akatsuki were not this band of evil doers.
That, of course, was another manipulation that was pulling at Anomie's strings. She whispered over and over and agonized over who to trust because so far, nothing the Akatsuki has done seemed too wrong. The host of a Tailed Beast being murdered didn't seem worse than any of the missions she had received from Shimura Danzo during her time in Anbu.
This was perhaps why Anomie never trusted herself.
She was never able to perceive right from wrong.
That in itself was the reason her hands didn't tremble as splatters of blood coated her palms when she pressed her blade up to a Kumo ninja's throat, slicing it open. The skin parted and his artery remained opened as the sleeve of Anomie's cloak proved to get in the way of appropriate movement. Kisame in the meantime, jumped forward, making enough noise to alert the last two Kumo ninja. At this sign of bravado, Anomie's eyes rolled back as she searched the pockets of the dead Kumo ninja while Kisame prepared for the fair battle.
"Who sent you?" The voice of the Kumo ninja was shaking with fear, and if Anomie had glanced up, she might have seen him tremble.
"Always the same questions, is it not?" Anomie asked over to Kisame.
"Who sent you?" Kisame lifted his blade from his back, not even bothering to unravel the bandages.
"Why are you doing this?" Anomie continued with another roll of her eyes as she pulled out a scroll from the dead man's weapon's pack. She also pulled out his money, considering he wasn't about to use any of it.
Ever since she had nearly died, it had become slightly harder to take a life, but she'd be damned if she let Kisame know of her newfound nightly terrors that hunted her dreams. "All the same questions," Kisame agreed, dashing forward and swinging his blade.
The Kumo ninja blocked it with a kunai, but Anomie could see his arms tremble with the tremor of Kisame's strength. She still remembered that night, many years ago, when she felt the force of his blade against her katana. Like it was yesterday, she remembered his arm around Tetsuna Hyuuga's throat, giving Anomie the choice between her comrade and the mission.
A part of her wondered if she would make that same choice, risking a fragile peace treaty and saving her comrade's life. She wondered if she had perhaps cared more, maybe there might have been a way to keep Tetsuna alive and still complete the mission. Would she have never been forced into house arrest and ultimately continued her life in Konoha?
These questions were pointless, and Anomie knew they meant nothing in the end, but she couldn't help but wonder about the 'what if's' of her life. Getting a Hyuuga killed was not the smartest thing she could have done, and it surely ostracized and isolated her, making her the perfect target for Orochimaru's manipulations.
Or perhaps the moment of her downfall came down to when she approached Minami of Konoha's brothel, and sold herself once more. If that had never happened, perhaps she could have had a couple more years of happiness before the curse mark on her wrist ultimately ended her life. Perhaps she could have spent her remaining days by Rin's side, and burrowed herself a place to belong instead of attempting to force a belonging in a profession that left her empty inside.
There was so many 'what if's' and possibilities that could had led Anomie to a different path where she would not be fighting alongside a sociopathic shark. However, Anomie knew, despite all her regrets, that none of them would have made her happy.
There was a wire crossed, a nerve damaged, something that made pure happiness impossible.
The fact of the matter was...
"Are you quite done?" she asked, glancing at the bodies of the two dead Kumo nin at Kisame's feet. Of course, a fair battle or a sneak attack would have made no difference, so why should she waste her energy on honor?
"Did you get the scroll?" Kisame asked, and she held up the scroll that she stole from the Kumo ninja's dead body.
I am incapable of true happiness because for me, happiness is seeing Rin again. Happiness is being next to Kakashi and listening to Obito whine about frivolous rivalries while Gai challenged Kakashi to a duel. Happiness was my past, that miniscule window of time where Rin was alive and everything was as perfect.
Nothing could bring back the dead, and the war stole everything from her. It stole away her mother and Ohashi and Rin and Obito and Saru.
Now, the only thing Anomie really wanted was a bit of peace and quiet.
●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●
"So what's the deal with you and Orochimaru, anyway? Seems he's sending a lot of assassins out for your head," Kisame asked, as he rested his bandaged blade on the back of Orochimaru's now dead hit man.
Anomie spared a glance towards the dead man before her eyes darted up to Kisame's gaze. She let out a sigh, attempting to wipe the blood off her hands with a towel. "What can I say? He's a walking cunt."
"I just don't see what's so special about you." Kisame's comment didn't sound particularly meaning to cause offense, so Anomie wasn't bothered. Of course, it never troubled her when people underestimated her, and it made it easier to fight them later.
"Me neither. Maybe it's my stunning personality," she said, leaning her hip to the side as she continued to wipe the blood off her hands with no use as the pink pigments had already dyed her skin with dry blood.
Kisame let out a throaty chuckle, pushing more of his weight onto his sword. "Your personality?" His laughter was a bit offensive and Anomie's eyes slightly narrowed.
"I'm sorry, are you laughing about my personality? Stop me if I'm wrong, but at least everything that comes out of my mouth isn't idiotic bravado about a stupid blade and mindless comments on the surroundings, you boring little bitch," she commented to him in return, and she noticed his grin widen, opening his mouth to continue their childish argument.
Their bickering didn't even end when they appeared before the Akatsuki. This time, Anomie made more precautions against surprise attacks before she performed such an invasive Technique such as the Magic Lantern Body Technique, as Kisame told her it was called.
"And my god the snoring," Anomie commented over to Kisame, causing Sasori to roll his eyes.
"You snore too, An-chan," Kisame informed her, making her brows furrow.
"I most certainly do not-" Anomie had been trained to not snore upon becoming a lead courtesan as nothing was less appealing in a whore if she does not sleep in perfect silence.
"If you're quite done." Pein's voice silenced her with a whisper, but considering he controlled the Jutsu, she supposed it might as well have echoed all over the inside of her skull.
"Fuyu-chan, there is a thing called respect," Orochimaru's voice filled Anomie with a sense of loathing, causing a wave of heat to scatter across her cheeks, washing right down to the tips of her toes.
"Eat a dick," Anomie retorted, earning a chuckle from Orochimaru before Tobi appeared, only five minutes late to the meeting.
"Never fear, Tobi is here," Tobi commented, causing a migraine to immediately cloud over Anomie's scalp.
"Can I kill him?" Sasori muttered to himself as Anomie rubbed her temples.
"Not in public," she replied, while Pein's eyes silenced the rest of the chatter.
She knew at least, that only someone immensely strong could keep together a band of people who so obviously hated each other. Perhaps that was why they never met in person for these fabled meetings. Surely it would only lead to actual fights that led to less members to fill out this cult.
"How was the mission?" Pein's eyes were hidden in shadows, but for some reason she knew the question was directed towards her.
"No survivors," Anomie informed him. Perhaps once upon a time saying those words might have filled her with a sense of pride. There was a time she took joy in this senseless killing, back when she hated the world. Now, all she really wanted was peace.
"And the scroll?" Pein asked.
"Burned to a crisp. That information will never make it back to Kumogakure," Kisame assured him with a sharp grin. Anomie wondered, for a brief moment, if any of them enjoyed taking lives. She wondered if it was easier for them and they didn't wake up at first light to clean their blades because everytime they looked at it, it was coated in blood. The very thought was morbid, but Anomie wondered if perhaps they had no trouble sleeping at night.
Perhaps the ninja life was never made for people like her. As much as she tried to deny it, there was a weakness in her veins and it nearly kept her on her feet with little more to do than cry. Perhaps, as much as she hated it, she was too kindhearted for this the Shinobi life. It was a ridiculous thought, considering not to long ago, Anomie had ripped the very eyes from the head of a 14 year old Uchiha boy.
She shook her head, brushing off the image of that boy's stare and the way his blood coated her fingers like oil. It didn't matter how many times she rubbed it off, she still felt it against her skin.
"That's good, because I do have another mission for you two," Pein said, catching Anomie's attention as she stared at his dark silhouette, covered in black like a shadow.
"Of course you do," Kisame said with a sharp grin.
"I would like you two to keep tabs on a certain demon host." Pein's voice was crisp and to the point, and perhaps once it might have put her on edge. "He's quite the observant one if I do say so myself. I would like to know the whereabouts of these demons until we are ready to capture them."
"And when exactly will we capture them?" The voice of Hidan swept through Anomie's head, reminding her that she still did not like hearing him speak.
"War is expensive. I wouldn't want to start one without being financially prepared," Pein said.
"Which beast?" Anomie didn't much care about any technicalities or thoughts on war. When it came to wars, lest she become too agitated and stricken by revenge, she would much prefer to fight instead. Mostly, she wanted to wrap this meeting up so she could go to sleep for a couple years.
"The Four-Tails. He's said to have left Iwagakure not to many weeks ago. I'd like you to find him and keep me posted on his whereabouts for the next couple months," Pein ordered.
"Seriously?" Anomie almost groaned as she noticed Kisame's reaction was pretty much the same.
"Following a Tailed Beast then, Fuyu-chan?" Orochimaru's voice filled her with a moment of rage as his threat remained unspoken.
"As amusing as your banter has been, surely you know, Orochimaru, that attacking a fellow Akatsuki member is forbidden," Konan's voice cut through like glass, much to Anomie's bemusement as Konan hardly ever spoke at these meetings.
"I haven't directly touched a hair Fuyu's beautiful head," Orochimaru said, and even through the shadows and darkness that cover his face, Anomie still knew that he was grinning.
"Very true, unfortunately," Anomie said with a roll of her eyes.
"No matter. If your actions get out of hand, Orochimaru, I might be forced to intervene," Konan said, her voice in a monotone.
"Fuyu and I are as close as can be," Orochimaru said with a chuckle, and in moments, Anomie opened her eyes to the bright world of color where she sat next to Kisame's blue body on the forest floor.
"What an asshole," Anomie muttered as she stood up, glancing up towards the sky.
"You know," Kisame's voice broke her from her thoughts of shoving Orochimaru's face into burning coal.
"Hmm?"
"If Orochimaru does come after you, I can protect you if need be," he told her, and in response, Anomie chuckled.
"And who's to protect you from him?" Anomie's lips curled into a sly grin. "I don't need nor desire protection, Kisame."
"What do you desire then?" he asked instead, and for the first time in years, Anomie actually had a vague idea of what she wanted.
"A home."
She wanted a place to belong. She would sell her soul and her body if necessary. She already sold her life to the Ho'ou, so what more was there for her to do. Nothing but wander.
Konoha wasn't her home.
But Kakashi was, as was Rin, Saru, Obito, Gai, Genma, Kurenai, Jiraiya, Tsunade. They were all her home.
"I didn't see you as the settling down kind of girl," he laughed.
Konoha might as well have been burned to the ground alongside Kemuri. She could never go back to either.
"That's why I'm here with you."
"We're being followed," Kisame's voice awoke her from her riviera hours later as they rested against the welcoming trees and stared into their camp fire.
"Yeah," Anomie whispered, well aware the moment she noticed a small ninja canine, wandering around the village in which they had stayed before. "Konoha ninja are persistent."
"We could run faster," Kisame's suggested, even though he was probably itching for a fight. Anomie scoffed, standing up and stretching.
"I don't run anymore," she answered.
"No survivors?" Kisame asked.
"I don't care."
●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●
Kakashi rolled his eye at something Gai said. It felt like he was doing that more often as of late. Perhaps once he might have said something aloof and walked away, but over the past two years, he had begun to think of Gai in a way he never would have thought possible in his youth. He was a friend.
Perhaps that was why he had no real issue in going on missions with him. The Hokage informed him that perhaps he needed a break from failing academy students, or perhaps the Hokage felt the students needed a break from him. Sarutobi always did make his own personal convictions unclear.
However, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder if the missions he continued to receive were some kind of grand test in attempts to have him make his final and fetal choice against his own personal convictions. Kakashi could never be certain as Uchiha Itachi brandished his katana, taking it out of its scabbard in a swift motion only to begin sharpening it.
Perhaps if Kakashi was less humble a man, he might have been annoyed that Itachi was chosen as captain of the mission instead of him. However, he always stood by the singular principal that in this world, there existed men younger than even an academy student, and yet stronger than Itachi himself.
"This wouldn't be so difficult if the Akatsuki would only stay still for more than five minutes." Gai was never one to complain, but Kakashi had to agree with this idea. However, if Anomie was easy to find, maybe his own convictions would be much harder to keep.
Perhaps he might have left the confines of the Leaf and rushed to her side like a puppy looking for home. He liked to think that nothing would cause him to betray or abandon Konoha, but she was that nothing. And, of course, he hated it.
Kakashi didn't quite understand what the Hokage was thinking in sending him on yet another Akatsuki related mission. It was a type of faith that the old man had over him, even when he did nothing to deserve such respect. Kakashi, more than anyone, was aware of his own weaknesses. Even his ideals and ninja way to always protect his teammates have often caused failed missions in the past.
Yet again, he was following her shadow, doomed to suffocate from the fire in which he couldn't extinguish. There was no point to even attempt to rid her from the cusp of his heart. She was wedged in like a pronged dagger, and he knew he would bleed out if he tried to remove her.
That didn't mean he didn't have his own pride or personal convictions. His life was his own and despite how he felt for her, he would move away from her shadow. It was attached onto his, but he could move forward without looking down at it every second of his journey. He would live his own life, even if she wasn't apart of it.
"Kakashi, you should get some rest. I will keep watch for the night," Itachi told him, causing Kakashi to glance away from the flame, his vision slightly distorted with blobs of red as the crackling of sparks against the wood departed from his hearing.
For a moment, he thought he would be unable to rest since his body was so restless, but he drifted off the moment his eyes closed.
"Kakashi," a girl's voice drifted into his ears, disrupting the restless sleep he had fallen into. His lids cracked open as he stared into the eyes of Nohara Rin, smiling before him. "You've come so far."
He hardly felt like he did, with his teammates dead and his friend betraying him over and over again. After all, how many times must he be betrayed before he learned his lesson?
"Kakashi." Rin's voice sounded so far away, and if he was less of who he was then perhaps he might not have noticed. He barely noticed that her lips were dipped in red and her chest had begun to soak like a sponge running through a pool of blood. "It-This isn't your fault."
He rushed forward, attempting to catch Rin in his arms, his mind not catching onto how similar this situation was to the way Rin actually died.
"Rin," he barely remembered saying her name.
"This is..." she whispered," your fault...all your your fault."
He broke from the Genjutsu, awakening to a murderous aura erupting over the clearing. Itachi was already standing with his blade drawn. "We're under attack."
"The Akatsuki," Gai commented, his stance rigid. Kakashi felt foolish for allowing himself to be swept up into a low level Genjutsu, but he was even more upset because the intense amount of details shadowing Rin's death and preying on his own personal weakness that was only known to one person.
"What do we have here? A couple of nuisances on our tail, right Anomie?" Kisame's grin was sadistic, and his eyes were narrowed and ready for any move or attack. He was an enemy that Kakashi did not know, so his eyes were trained on him, not even bothering to search for Anomie who he knew, despite her cruelty, would never cut him down.
Itachi and Gai were rigid, but prepared. Gai rushed forward first, always ready for a fight as he darted towards Kisame. The blue man was fast despite his size, and jumped from the tree branch, watching as Gai's leg shattered the bark. Obviously he hadn't been expecting the bark to reform and wrap around Gai's legs, successfully trapping him.
"What do you know," Anomie walked out from the trees, her eyes seemed much colder than he last saw her. "It's not too hard to subdue a man if said man is a reckless idiot."
Itachi's Sharingan eyes scanned over the wood release Jutsu with a raised brow. "Aren't you full of surprises."
Gai noticed a minute to late that he had been insulted, "I'm going to show you how reckless I can be." He destroyed the wood that caught his leg with quick strength and darted forward to punch the girl he had once asked on numerous dates. Instead his fist met Kisame's bandaged blade while Anomie yawned from behind the shark like man.
"No thank you," Anomie murmured, her amber eyes darting to Itachi and Kakashi. She gave a mock bow before her body turned into a wave of smoke, Itachi quickly turned around and blocked her katana with his own while Kakashi formed a quick Jutsu, creating a quick wind attack to which he knew Anomie had always been weak to.
Itachi was by no means a weakling, and he was quick to retaliate with a ferocious string of Taijutsu that Anomie barely managed to block. Kakashi always knew that she took pride in Ninjutsu, but there was no way she could get out a hand sign with both of them at once especially when spirals of wind, sharp as blades, came rushing at her form.
He didn't want them to hit their mark, but he couldn't afford to waver. From the ground, wood rose like a shield, blocking the attack. Kakashi noticed that the wood release had drained her, judging by the flush that dusted over her cheeks.
Why use a Jutsu you could not handle in a battle so important and life threatening? Kakashi didn't understand her and perhaps he never would.
Unconsciously, perhaps, he had slowed his movements in order for her to pick herself back up. If Itachi noticed the action, he didn't comment on it as he jumped back, avoiding Anomie's perfectly crafted fire Ninjutsu. The girl always did have wide and vast Chakra storages, perfect for Ninjutsu. Kakashi never thought he'd be earnestly on the enemy side of her attacks.
She was unrelenting, and maybe if it had been just the two of them, she might have won. However, she had too many exploitable blind spots. While Taijutsu might be rather useless against her with her ability of smoke, Genjutsu was not.
Kakashi wondered what foolish moves was she acting on to think she could possibly defeat the both of them while Kisame's battle raged behind him. She dropped to her knees the moment her eyes met Itachi's Sharingan, but she did not fall forward as black tattoos spread across her skin. "Look at that," she whispered, the tattoos spreading up and down her arms, protruding from the curse mark on her neck.
When her eyes met his, he began to wonder if she was the same woman he had thought he knew. Perhaps they were players in a game, competing against separate sides of a battlefield. Times of truce were only lies, leading them to exchanging blows. However, he could never regret the way her lips felt against his, or the fact that he had seen genuine remorse in her eyes just before the tattoos engulfed her skin.
They would be nothing more than enemies, balancing on thin wires to get to a point where they could pretend to be friends. In this world, Kakashi didn't know how he could expect any different.
Author's Note
Ki no kānēshon or called (黄のカーネーション) means yellow carnation. While most carnations mean love and all that shit, a yellow carnation symbolizes disdain, rejection or disappointment.
Anomie, who do you think you is? She needs to stop.
