Chapter 41
Why did it have to be him? There was no point in thinking such thoughts, but Anomie did anyway. She could never help it. She was backed into a corner, chased by the very name 'Akatsuki'. Orochimaru wanted her head, Konoha wanted her her head, and soon enough, the Akatsuki would to.
She was often stuck in place, waiting for the ultimate end that she no doubt deserved, but she'd always narrowly escape. The curse mark spread over her skin, and along with it came a bloodlust she tried to quench when she met Kakashi's gaze. She just needed to fight them off long enough to escape. Perhaps if she did well enough, they could take Kisame's life in her departure.
That would make it a win win. After all, judging by the way Itachi avoided using deadly Jutsu, it wasn't her life that he was after. She ducked underneath Kisame's clumsy swing of his blade, letting out a gasp as his weapon narrowly missed her neck.
"Oops," Kisame said with a sharp grin that made her blood boil in her veins as her curse mark spread further along her neck until she was covered in undeniable power that threatened to consume the last bit of light that rested on her black heart.
"Your teamwork is trash," Kakashi said as Anomie shoved Kisame into Gai, but it didn't have much affect as Kisame quickly regained his footing.
Her gaze snapped towards him and it felt as if a demon was unleashed in her chest. "I hardly think judgment should come from a man who let his own friends parish because of his own foolish arrogance."
She hadn't meant to say that, but she was losing control and soon enough she would no longer be the woman she was before. She still had the sealing scroll resting in one of the tattoo seals below her breasts. She had been trying to deliver it to Konoha for nearly a month now, in order to inform them of the Akatsuki's plans on capturing tailed beasts, but with Kisame's watchful eye, such a thing had become nearly impossible. But with Kisame's attention drawn by Gai, she just might get that chance.
She just had to be quick and flashy with misdirection.
That must be why Itachi was on this mission in the first place. Konoha was quite impatient with her, but Anomie couldn't say she didn't understand why. She just wished they would understand that she walked on a thin line, and one wrong step would make her fall into the depths of nothingness with nothing else to do but continue to fall.
She had to be fast. The bloodlust was already beginning to warp her line of vision, and she couldn't imagine her guilt if she hurt Kakashi.
She raised her hands, summoning a quick fire Jutsu, before dodging Kakashi's attack. His eyes were empty, but his attack was to be fatal if she had not blocked his tanto with a swipe of her hand. She pressed her hand lightly against the back of his neck, feeling the sparks that flew up and down her skin when she touched him. Touching him was like playing with fire, if she got too close, one of them was sure to melt.
She shoved his face forward by the back of his neck and slammed her knee into his chest. Itachi came at her next, but his attack was slow, their eyes connected as she jumped back, watching Kakashi straighten.
She regretted the attack she pulled on him. He must have felt her hold back. It was too noticeable and she had to be more careful in case Kisame saw. It didn't seem to matter how much bloodlust fueled her veins, she just didn't want to hurt him.
"How about I get a workout in this fight?" Anomie let the curse mark envelop her body until she was just one move away from it overpowering her. She didn't allow such a thing to happen, lest she turned war crazed as Kimimaro had allowed for himself. She could never make such a mistake whilst fighting Kakashi.
She saw the makings of wind rip through the current of air as she weaved her Chakra around them. The air began to smell of a deep gas, before it caught fire and swept around her in a current. She wondered if Kakashi would ever forgive her if she hurt him a little. She doubted he was willing to show anymore mercy either.
She rushed towards Itachi, mixing in with the flames. Kakashi used a quick water Jutsu, attempting to douse the fire. While he did that, Anomie took that moment to enter Itachi's body, using her smoke existence to fill the crevices underneath his skin.
In the aftermath of fire and water, Kisame noticed that his partner had disappeared.
"I would very much hate to think she retreated like a coward," Kisame let out a dark chuckle, jumping backwards.
"She is a coward," Kakashi informed him and Kisame chuckled.
"Maybe so. It was all a diversion to get you off our asses anyway," Kisame's body disappeared into a puddle of water.
"Kakashi, Gai, go after him. I'll find Anomie," Itachi ordered. Kakashi and Gai didn't hesitate as they went searching for Kisame.
"That was clever," Itachi told her, and Anomie exited his body with her arms crossed and her curse mark retreated.
"So much slander of my good name today," Anomie said with a sigh.
"Your good name?" Itachi didn't usually laugh or smile, but for a moment he nearly felt up for it. Anomie had no such restrictions as she giggled.
"I've been quite late on these updates, but in my defense, Kisame is quite a watchful little fuck." Anomie reached into her kimono, and activated a seal just under her breast, allowing a scroll to escape her flesh. She handed it to him in a quick motion.
"What will you say in regards of your retreat and betrayal?" Itachi was only slightly worried for her safety.
"With my track record, I doubt he was too surprised," Anomie shook her head with a sigh. "I am a coward after all."
"I think you are one of the bravest people I've ever met," Itachi's words stopped her in her retreat and she felt her hand begin to shake. To put a stop to the tremor, she tightened her hand into a fist.
"You should meet new people then," she told him.
"You left one alive...why did you leave her alive?" Itachi finally asked the question that many wanted an answer to, including Danzo and the Hokage. It took a lot of convincing on Itachi's part to not have his mother's life cut short.
"I don't know what you're talking about," she told him, before she disappeared in a flare of smoke. After all, that was what she was good at.
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"You traitorous dick," Kisame's voice filtered through her ears the moment she appeared before him through the open doors of the hotel. She slightly smiled, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear.
"I couldn't dare interrupt your fight, Kisame," Anomie walked past him to pour herself some water from the small mini fridge. It was perhaps the only reason she chose this hotel as hers and Kisame's meeting place. The fridge and the fact it was in the sketchiest part of the village, known for missing Nin and scoundrels.
Kakashi and Gai could go door to door looking for them, but they'd find trouble and commotion before they ever found her or Kisame.
"After all I said about protecting you from Orochimaru, you go and abandon a team fight," Kisame was grinning so Anomie had to at least take notice that the mood was friendly. She leaned against the wall, one foot propped against it as her eyes connected with his.
"If Orochimaru comes after me again, I won't be caught with my ass out. I'm not a baby bird with broken wings. I can still fight on my own," she said and Kisame chuckled.
"You visibly held back against Itachi and Kakashi. Something tells me that you're lying about something," Kisame's grin looked sharp, but her composure didn't disappear. "But that's not my problem who you hold back against."
"We have to find the little demon. We have more pressing matters to be concerned about anyway."
"That is rather difficult if Konoha ninjas catch up to us again," Kisame told her, but of course, Anomie knew that. They had lost the team sent out after them, but that was momentary and she knew that Itachi had to give a real attempt at finding them, otherwise the alliance between her and Konoha would be too obvious.
They would hunt her and Kisame until she did something drastic enough to keep them at bay. "We have to commit a massacre."
"You jumped to that conclusion quite quickly," Kisame's smirk was back with a slightly vicious edge that made Anomie's heart slightly freeze. She couldn't afford the consequences of losing the Akatsuki's trust. She she lost that, then killing off the Uchiha clan's elders would have been for nothing.
She had to keep up the charade, even if it meant her own heart was the cost.
"Well, I'm always up for a bit of mayhem, but random massacres are more your style, not mine," Kisame's voice made her roll her eyes.
"Are you feeling remorse? If so, perhaps you are not the man I thought you were. I'll do it myself," Anomie stood up straight, making a motion to turn around but Kisame's voice stopped her from going any further.
"When we became partners, I warned you to be wary of me, just in case I was forced to kill you," Kisame's voice brought her out from the haze she had begun to cloud over her mind. "But I'm starting to think I have to be wary of you."
Her lips spread into a slight smirk. "You have no idea what you're in for. Don't be afraid to request to trade partners."
Kisame's lips spread into a sharp grin, "I'll pass. This might keep things exciting."
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Kakashi was the first to stumble on the message. It seemed purposely sadistic, spelled out with eyeballs in the dirt. He knew it was her the moment he saw the fires and smoke in the distance. He had just hoped that between the last time he had seen her and now, that she might have changed. Unfortunately, she was still the same murderous bitch that she always was.
An eye for an eye, feel free to take a spare, Kakashi.
He wasn't surprised by this, and perhaps that was what made it so sick. He walked past the message and rushed to aid a villager that was gasping for breath. Blood covered the man's chest and Kakashi saw that the wounds were very careful, made in areas that were not fatal if treated quickly.
"They successfully got us off their track," Gai said as he bandaged a villager. His fist was white, gripped tightly in anger. Itachi didn't say a word for a moment.
"We have no choice but to let them go," Itachi said, noticing many of the villagers were already dead and the ones that weren't wouldn't last long enough for him to decide to pursue the Akatsuki.
"We were unarmed when they attacked," said the villager as Kakashi bandaged his arm. "They didn't even take anything. They just killed for the hell of it..." The man rambled into an unconscious haze, leaving Kakashi with his own thoughts and his own regrets.
Once more, guilt stacked onto his shoulders, and without release he felt it crush him to the ground. After treating and bandaging the living, he helped gather the dead.
A part of him, a part he never thought he would be able to feel, wished that Anomie was among the dead so he could bury her and let her memory fade. He faded off into silence, shrugging off Gai's insistent remarks and retreated into himself.
He glanced over toward the trees and saw a haze of smoke. He felt a rush of anger as if beckoned him closer. With Gai and Itachi still tending to the injured, he faced his demons and approached the smoke. It slowly formed into Anomie. For once, his heart didn't lurch and her face didn't make him weak.
"I'm going to be the one who ends up killing you," he said, and it wasn't spoken hatefully. He was far too exhausted for hatred.
Her lips twitches, "did you not like my message? I actually left you a note this time." Her smile seemed to only fuel the disgust that was pivoting in his stomach, lurching forward with no reprieve. "What's with that look your giving me? Have I upset you?"
"That's enough," he silenced her, but he knew her quiet demeanor would not last. She was toying with him, and perhaps all along she had only been toying with him.
As if he were dealing with a chore, he gripped his tanto on his back and darted forward to strike her down. She seemed more than prepared for his attack and perhaps it was predictable.
She fell through the branches like an incorporeal illusion, before returning to that solid state she was before. Her parry of his next attack was made with the back of her hand as she used her other hand to draw him close by the scruff of his neck.
"Put your back into it Kakashi. Are you trying to stab me or kiss me," her lips were a smooth and pink smirk as she spoke to him and he felt disgust roll off him in waves.
"Trust me, the last thing I want to do right now is kiss you," he told her, but her smirk didn't waver. He reminded himself that she probably never had any real feelings for him and this was probably easy.
"I warned you that I would make you regret not killing me," she told him, shoving his body back with ease as she glanced over his shoulder towards the darkening silhouette of the village buildings. "That blood is just as much on your hands as it is on mine."
In the past he might have told her that he knew she was pretending to be cruel, but he didn't this time. Perhaps all that time she spent pretending, this was the person she actually turned into. She was a shell of the woman he had been in love with, and the burden of knowing that lifted an even greater burden off his shoulders.
The balance between how much he loved her and how much he hated her began to shift. His pulse didn't skyrocket at her close proximity but he still had the urge to hold her. But it was such a slight urge that he could easily repress it.
"I didn't visit you to discuss any lingering desires," she told him, her lips quirked into a tiny smile that nearly looked transparent.
"I don't want to discuss anything with you. I just want to end your life," he raised his tanto once more, but she only stared at it.
"No, you don't," she said and for a moment when she spoke, a bit of humanity seeped back into her voice. "I know you wish you could, but look at the facts. I'm not stronger than Itachi. I could never fight against him and Gai togethery. You, I could escape from, but the three of you? Not a chance." Her brows furrowed as she spoke, and it was perhaps the most expressive he had seen her speak in a long time. "You left them behind Kakashi. Subconsciously, you don't want me dead and that's the truth of it. Let's not pretend otherwise."
His tanto didn't lower, but the tone of his voice did. "The villagers are in critical care. Of course you know that, being the sociopath who attacked them."
"I didn't do all that myself," she defended, running her finger against his blade. "I actually did very little."
"And the message in eyeballs," he questioned, causing her to let out a rather sadistic chuckle.
"Come on, you didn't find that at all funny?" She smacked his blade out of her face. "Point that somewhere else. I'm actually here to share a bit of information."
"And what information is that?" He almost didn't ask, because a part of him didn't care what she had to say.
"Stop chasing me," she told him, and he scoffed.
"Is that all?" His eye darted to hers, and noticed that she had purposely emptied her face of emotion. She was rather talented at that, and he always had difficulty reading her.
"Stop chasing after me. Leave it to the dogs in Anbu. Leave it to everyone else in the village. You have done enough for Konoha and you don't need to continue making these same mistakes," she sounded nearly genuine and his resolve slightly weakened. "You continue making my life and my actions your own problems, ignoring the life you could have in Konoha. Continue chasing me and I'll get vicious. The next message will be in testicles because you're proving that you don't have any balls."
"I don't understand what you are doing," he told her and she shrugged, taking a step forward.
"Either kill me, right here and right now," she grabbed his tanto's blade by he sharp end and placed it over her heart. "No hesitation, no mercy. Either do that or stop torturing yourself with indecision. I will make your world rain blood if I see your gorgeous ass in my line of sight again."
"I should kill you," his hand squeezed the hilt and he tried to puncture her flesh. "It's what I should do."
Her eyes slightly narrowed with an emotion he wasn't able to comprehend, before her lips spread into a sly smile that chased away any vulnerability. "It doesn't make you guilty and I would rather you didn't kill off your heart just yet anyway."
"I'm trying not to chase you," he whispered, and her lips spread into a frown. "I volunteered for this mission, telling myself if was for the good of the village to put an end to you."
"Would it make you happy?" She met his gaze before her body began to fade into smoke. "Remember what I have told you or the next village you'll see in body parts, will be Konoha." She chuckled, disappearing and leaving him wishing he had never met her.
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It never disappeared.
Anomie scrubbed her hands until they were red and bits of blood had began to seep from the glistening rash before she knelt over to place her head into her knees. The river had already took the blood that had attached itself to her skin and separated it apart until it was out of sight.
She still saw the blood coating her palms like clay. She saw bits of flesh under her nails and it wouldn't go away. She told herself that it had to be done, and she hadn't killed too many people in that village, but it didn't matter what she told herself.
She didn't cry. She was done crying for a lifetime. She only stared out into the clouds, watching the sun set before a hand rested on her shoulder. Kisame's sharp grin pointed her way as he knelt down next to her.
"For a moment there, I thought I saw you having fun in that massacre," he told her and her expression wavered. "Here I thought death kept you up all night."
Perhaps that was the worst thing. She was numb, and she noticed that it was nearly too simple to repress her own remorse. She tried to grip onto it, and clutch it into her arms. She tried not to let it go, but it still sometimes slipped and she got carried away.
"Perhaps I did have a bit of fun," she whispered, glancing at her pale and clammy hands with apprehension. She still felt the blood coat her.
If she killed too much it as if her heart had broken in half, she lost all feeling from the crushing weight of guilt. Sometimes she let it all go and transported herself to a time where killing had been easy, like a sport.
She didn't want to do that anymore. She wanted to feel. She wanted to feel all of it, but maybe that was leading her to ruin.
"Let's get out of here. We've wasted enough time in the Fire country," she said, standing up an brushing off Kisame's hand that had been resting on her shoulder.
I've done what I can to protect Konoha. Even if it costs me my soul, I will protect it.
The other things like a home or a loving embrace could go up in flames. There was no room for love when the Shinobi world was at war.
Anomie closed her eyes, feeling the wind sweep along her cheeks as she imagined all those feelings, those fears, and those desires of a happy future. She imagined the way Kakashi smiled at her and the way her bed back in Konoha felt when she laid next to him. She imagined the joy she had when she first joined Anbu, or the laughter of Saru's deep voice when she completed a Ninjutsu he taught her, before ruffling her hair as if she were a child. She imagined Rin's arms around her.
All of that is useless and it made her too human. It made her weak, and awake at four in the morning trying to rid hands of imaginary blood. She pushed it all behind a door in her heart and shut it.
When she opened her eyes she felt nothing. "It's better this way."
"You alright, An-chan?" Kisame's voice was clearer than ever and Anomie smiled. It was genuine and calming.
"I'm fine," she told him.
And for the first time in a long time, she actually was.
Author's Note
This chapter is named 'Higanbana' 彼岸花 it is a red spider lily that means never to meet again, abandonment, and lost memory.
It's funny cause like, I've felt like I didn't know what I wanted to do with this story for a little while. That's my fault because I changed huge parts of Naruto's storyline, and after that I had to figure out where Itachi and the rest of the Uchiha clan fit inside the story.
I had to break apart team Kisame and Itachi (which was a bromance that I loved) and there are just so many things that are now going to change so I have to think logically on how this ripple effect is going to play out and Anomie is smack dead in the middle of it (thanks to Tsukasa).
But I had my hiatus and I know where I'm going now. Never been too great with directions aha.
Now, Anomie is officially done with romance for the time being. This whole, shutting off those emotions thing, is something she's had the ability to do since she was a child and was first sold. She hasn't done this since she wanted to make herself suffer and feel remorse for all her actions.
I think she realized that remorse was making her careless, so she has made the decision to let it go and focus on the things she has to do. After all, in the last four months alone, how many times has she almost died? And not to mention the night terrors she suffers from.
As for Kakashi, I think he's finally just over loving someone who doesn't want to be loved. It's all just tragic.
The next chapter features a time skip, which might also feature major spoilers for Shion's storyline in Cheating Fate. Seriously, fucking combined universes are a pain in the ass.
