A true testament too offensive humour…

What do we want?

A cure for tourettes! (Spelled right?)

When do we want it?

C*NT!

… Yes, offensive humour for life…

By the way, this main arc will not be too long… But it will be more than 7 too eight chapters at the very least...

You guys liked the last chapter a lot more than I expected, cheers, that is genuinely nice. :)

But your not here for the sappy stuff (are you?)…

LET'S READ!

:::-((x))-:::

(1 week later)

This new habit of his was starting to piss him off…

Since last week Gray had been losing his clothes more and more often as the days went by. Sometimes it was just a few T-shirts or coats that went missing, Ur would find them and return them to him as soon as she could and that would be that.

But then there those times he had freak her and Lyon out when they caught him walking around stark-bollock naked. Ur would loudly screech at him for walking around naked as he would desperately protest until he looked down as Lyon would give him a disgusted sneer o a mocking grin.

He would even let a little comment slide and he knew that Ur couldn't exactly disagree with how consistent this new habit was becoming.

The worse thing yet though was the fact that there definitely wasn't a charm for his stupidity…

He was currently sulking in the ice bath when Ur entered. Telling him that it was her time to use the bath and he complied, getting out of the bath and taking a towel with him. He was just about to exit the room when he heard Ur speak to him with a teasing edge too her voice.

"Don't forget your underwear this time eh?" She let out a chuckle at her own comment before she sunk into the tub.

"Shut up! I-It's not funny!" Was his protest. It didn't do much to stop her giggling.

"I can't agree with you there young man." She said before doubling over in the tub from the painful laughter.

It was at this point Gray looked down and saw that he was definitely forgetting something. "SHIT!" He cried in shock. "When did this happen!" he searched desperately for the hidden underwear to no avail.

In his panic, he did forget about his towel, which only made Ur throw a bar of soap at his head which hit with painful accuracy.

"Will you stop hitting me women!"

"Turn around and pick up your towel! You cobblers are not what I want to see you know!"

"What do you me- AH!"

Yelping like a 3 three year old being tickled, he quickly realised that to keep himself alive he would have to cover himself…. And fast!

Luckily; he found the towel near the door and he wrapped it around himself before he darted out of the room and into his room to find some clothing.

This was all Ur's fault of course…

:::-((x))-:::

"Remember you two, you can't just will your magic too work for you!" Ur was getting a slight headache from Lyon's constant babbling and Grays snarky comments. She was going to end up hitting one of them soon. "This is a very advanced form of ice-make, it isn't like constructing whatever you can mentally make up. This is body augmentation and this could be very dangerous if you mess this up!"

Gray, whilst making comments still seemed to get the gist of it, she knew that out of the two Gray was the one she was expecting to pass. But maybe Lyon had understood and she didn't catch on.

Gray looked sceptical about something. "How can we be sure that we won't just melt as soon as we augment ourselves?"

Ur smiled at his question, he was perceptive…

"You don't have to worry about melting unless you are either dying or under VERY intense flames. And I cannot think of something that could melt you, this isn't magical ice in the sense of it being purely magic, this is organic ice." She answered.

"Could you give us a demonstration?" Asked Lyon…

Ur thought it over for a second, it was very dangerous even for expert ice-make mages. But if she was as good as people thought she was then these two would have no problem using the magic without much danger, probably…

"Okay, but don't expect to do this on your first try Lyon, you too Gray."

"I didn't think that in the first place..."

Ur looked ready to hit again. He shut up quickly.

Ur held out her arm and the two two students looked on, one with shock the other with amazement as their masters arm turned too a crystalline blue, icy hand. She stuck the hand into the ice below the three and the two were wide-eyed when her hand hand disappeared into the ground.

Suddenly, Lyon let out a squeal of terror as he something grab his feet and trip him over. Gray looked down and saw their masters hand sticking out of the ground. He was freaked out to say the least, Ur was stood over 8 feet away from the two.

He saw Ur smirk and he felt a chill go down his spine from the deviousness that the smirk held.

Then he saw a shadow creep over him, turning around he was greeted by a gigantic slab of ice, he backed away but he hit something, turning around again he saw another slab of ice, this one with his name engraved into the side.

Then he remembered his devil slayer magic….

Grinning, he took a bite out of the ice and felt satisfied when he heard his master yelp in shock. Clearly, she felt that but not painfully. Well hopefully not…

He watched as the massive chunks of ice retracted into the ground and he saw Ur's hand re-emerge from the ground. She gave it a little rub to ease the discomfort from the bite, but it had seemed to have healed right away.

'I guess I under-estimated ice-make' Gray thought, impressed at just how powerful this magic truly was. It certainly had a charm to it that his own magic lacked, but he knew that he was still better with his own.

But as Ur said all those months ago, it Is always handy to have an extra magic to fall back on…

"That was another advantage of ice-augmentation… You don't have to speak to use it and you can not only make yourself stronger, faster and even more sturdier, but you also gain unrestricted control of any icy elements in your vicinity. Even going as far as to turn your entire body into organic ice and jump into a pool of ice to jump out of another."

'I definitely under-estimated this magic.' Gray was more than shock by what the true power of ice-make held. 'I guess you really can do everything your mind could dream up, very nice.'

"Man, the was scary..." Lyon muttered as he stood up, Gray couldn't help but huff.

"Impressive? Yes, but scary?… Not so much icy bollocks." He laughed before he felt a hand smack him in the back of the head, he looked back to see a hand disappearing into the ground.

'Really? You are using THAT now women!' He thought bitterly… He heard Ur laugh from behind him and he turned around to see her widening grin.

"Again Gray, language."

"And again, abuse!" He mocked. He earned another slap to the head for his troubles.

"Quit it!"

"You quit it!"

"I said so first!"

"Well im older than you so I have more weight behind my words!"

"Then stop abusing you age you dinosaur!"

"Are you calling me old!?"

"No! I am calling you ancient!"

"Right! That's it! Come here you brat!"

"NO!"

Soon the two were having weirdest fight Lyon had ever seen. His master was chasing the devil slayer around with some sort of broom or spade whilst he just ducked, dived and swerved out of the way each time, only annoying Ur further. He just decided to go back to the house, grab a bite to eat and forget this situation ever occurred in the first place.

"STOP MOVING AND FACE YOU'RE PUNISHMENT LIKE A MAN!" He heard Ur shout as she took another swiped at Gray's ankles. She of course missed again…

"STOP TRYING TO HIT ME THEN YOU PRUNE!" Was Gray's loud reply.

Hopefully, they would learn more tomorrow than how dangerous the augmentation side of Ice make is.

But he had to hand it to Gray (albeit grudgingly), if it wasn't for him he would have never known about this branch of ice-make…

But Gray would never hear him say it out loud.

Before he left however, he couldn't help but shout over his shoulder. "GO ON MASTER UR! SHOW HIM WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CALL THE MIGHTY LYON ICY BOLLOCKS!"

:::-((x))-:::

"You started that!"

"How did I start any of that?"

"You know damn well how you started that young man!"

"Oh yes! I asked you why because I felt like pissing you off!"

"I knew I was right!"

He heard the sound of a flesh being smacked together, he turned his head slightly too see the two mages finally back after the big argument/fight they had just had.

"I was being sarcastic!"

"Well stop being sarcastic!"

"Then stop hitting me in the head every chance you get!"

"Then stop using that foul language on Lyon and me!"

"What? My native language? I am sorry but that is the only language I know!"

"You know what I mean!"

"No, I don't…."

"UUURRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

Lyon saw Gray's smirk as their master retreated to the kitchen in an angry huff. She was clearly irritated by the boy in front of them and couldn't take listening to his crap anymore. Not that he blamed her.

"I win..." Gray taunted just loud enough for Ur to hear it, the response was the frying pan that had previously been on the hob being chucked out of the serving hatch and colliding with Gray's head, subsequently knocking him out for the time being.

The sheer stupidity the transpired was too much for Lyon to hold in as he burst out laughing at the devil slayers expense.

"That'll teach him!" He spoke, his stomach in pain from the laughing. Ur couldn't help but share a little laugh too. She had never lost it with someone like that before. She got her temper in control before she reviewed her actions before concluding that humour was the only outcome for Lyon.

But somehow she didn't think Gray would share the same sentiment…

She decided to be merciful and told Lyon too take him to his bed. Though she had to say it four times before he actually budged, moving over to the unconscious slayer and hoisting him with some difficulty, onto his shoulders, purposefully making it uncomfortable for him as he slowly made his way too Grays room.

:::-((x))-:::

Ur Milkovich had no clue how one boy could be so smart and nice whilst also being the biggest asshole and annoyance in the world. It seemed almost everyday where Gray would have a complaint or would just try to piss her or Lyon off.

It certainly didn't help that Lyon mostly had the same intentions towards Gray…

But she also had fond memories with the boy too. One's where Gray felt like a surrogate child like Lyon had felt like for the last few years.

But with that in mind she also couldn't help but let her mind drift to earlier memories, like her husband leaving her and her baby only too never return. Her husband or ex-husband; Rez Milkovich had left her and little Ultear when Ultear started showing the early signs of her overwhelming magical problem. It was something he couldn't bare to deal with and the two had been on bad terms for a while before her symptoms began to show. So when their late daughter started showing signs of illness he took it as an excuse to leave them to their doom.

That was the day Ur realised the true darkness that her world held and how willing and dangerous it truly was.

With that in mind, she quietly trudged quietly towards her room and shut the door behind her. She walked over too her bedside draw and opened the top draw before she pulled out a picture of her beautiful little girl.

She had taken after her mostly, the only thing that little Ultear had taken from her father was his nose, which fit her perfectly as much as she didn't want too. But the most stunning thing too Ur was her child's eyes. Her eyes being naturally dark she was used to having pretty eyes, but her daughters just blew her away. The onyx pools drew her in so much and she used to love every moment of it.

But when she found out about about-

It was the mere thought of it that broke her every time…

Crumpling to the floor she held the picture of Ultear to her chest and started to softly cry, she knew that Lyon was a heavy sleeper and that Gray's room was too far away to here her so she felt safe enough to let her happy-go-lucky façade brake tear after tear.

Her beautiful Ultear…

All of a sudden, her door was opened ever-so-slightly and she whipped her tear stained face around to see the figure of one of her students standing their in shock from seeing her in this state.

But Lyon never had his hair THAT messy, so it had to be…

"Gray…?"

:::-((x))-:::

Another chapter down, another shit-ton to go… XD

But poor Ur, I gave her the worsed husband ever and I am enjoying her suffering because I am a sadistic and evil bastard.

Someone put a stop to my evil before it is too late!

PHRASES OF AWESOME!

1: 'You know that song that goes like uhhhh; naa na na na NA Naaa na na na NA Beom beom beom beom bwuuuuwwoooowwwwmmmm? Yeas me too….'

2: 'The wife told me to win the baby so I kicked him right in the bollocks!'

(I do not a have a wife/girlfriend so just know that I was acting)

3: 'if you combine a can of red-Bull with a Fierro rocker you get the golden snitch. MIND BLOWN!'

Haaaaaaaaaaaa…. Funny….

Thanks for watching and stay cool,

-viperhat