CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
–•–
ANOMIE HAD A SPECIFIC SKILL SET THAT MADE IT SIMPLE FOR her to separate herself emotionally when tasked with sex. It was how she got so talented at making men want her more every time they had her. In consequence to that, it also made it hard for her to actually be all there when she was with somebody.
Anomie's eyes ran over Kakashi's face as he rested next to her in bed. She inspected the way his lashes fanned his cheeks, the way his head dug into the pillow, the soft set of his lips, and how his legs had curled around hers from under the covers. It felt as if he hadn't wanted her to go anywhere, as if he were afraid that she'd leave, and she gave him no such reason to not have these fears. Still, staring at him now and watching the way the light snuck in through the curtains was addicting.
She reached over, as if to touch his face, but he had gripped her wrist before she could get too close. His eyes peaked open, lazy and mismatched, and his grip loosened. His fingers curled down her wrist, over her arm, and pulled her even closer. He closed his eyes and breathed her in, laying his head against her neck.
"You're so clingy," she commented with a giggle as he further encased her in his arms.
"Shh. You will wake the baby," he muttered, attempting to go back to sleep. Anomie smiled, her heartbeat becoming quick.
"The only baby in this room is you," she retorted with swift amusement. He glanced up at her, resting his chin upon her collarbone as he stared at her with his Sharingan eye closed.
"You're even prettier in the morning," he whispered, and she felt her heartbeat stall in her chest. Moments later it continued to beat as quick as before.
"I am a mess." She pressed her fingers against her face and turned over so her back was facing him, wishing she had taken off her makeup sometime in the night. Still, in between nearly having sex with him in the bath and actually having sex with him in the bed, other things slipped her mind. Still, she'd never forget the way touched her, so carefully as if she'd break. She'd never forget the way he felt as he kissed softly with small and light pecks over her swollen lips and her tender neck.
"A mess?" Kakashi chuckled, reaching over to wind his arms around her and kiss her hair. He inhaled the scent of amber and vanilla. "Since when are you not so certain you are the prettiest one in the room?"
Her cheeks were burning, her heart was thumping noisily in her ribs, and she was smiling. "It was true until I saw you this morning. Not sure I can compare anymore."
He laughed now, kissing her neck and watching her giggle at the touch. It was light, airy as she was rolled on her back with him on top, trapping her in between his arms. She inspected the red markings on his skin, the curves of his muscles, the soft glow of his smile, and his eye that seared into her own. Slowly, he leaned down to kiss her, but her hand stopped him, rushing to cup his mouth. He raised both brows in protest, to which she shrugged sheepishly.
"I don't kiss in the morning," she whispered, her cheeks inflamed and biting her bottom lip.
He leaned down anyway, forcing her hand to move with him as she slowly gripped his hair while his lips trailed kisses over her head. She closed her eyes, allowing the rather demeaning behavior with a smile. "I'm glad you're in a good mood," she told him, smiling as he nestled in her neck and all but laid on top of her.
"Shh," he urged, and she snorted.
"Don't shh me, scarecrow," she told him, but she couldn't help the smile that kept slipping onto her face as glanced over at him through a mop of silver hair. More than that, there was a flutter as if her entire body wanted to float away and might have if he wasn't holding her so tightly. It wasn't a feeling she ever thought she could have. She was happy. "We can't stay here forever."
"We could," he assured her, causing yet another gentle smile to envelop her face. "In bed. Just you and me."
Anomie squeezed her arms around his back, wondering if what she was feeling was normal of love. It was as if she wanted to hug him so tightly that he could not breathe. It was violent and sensual and unlike anything else in her life. Moments later, she flipped them over. She traced her fingertips against his lips, running them over the freckle just below his mouth.
"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked.
"Admiring your face," she answered, her lips curling yet again. "You hide it so often. I can't help but want to see it more and more."
He smiled again, his eyes shining with barely concealed amusement. He was naked, Anomie remembered with a weakening resolve to saying no to staying in bed all day. That was when he leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth. His muscles felt even bigger under her touch, and she traced them with her cold fingertips as they stared in each other's eyes.
"Thank you," she said slowly, and he ran his fingers over her cheek to slide the strands of messy hair away from her face.
"For what?" Kakashi asked, wondering if she was as happy as he was right now. He began to wonder if all of it were a dream and he'd wake up to a solemn note of reasons why she was wrong for him.
It wasn't like there weren't many valid points on why she and him were a doomed love story in the pages of a sappy novel. It was that he didn't believe it were possible to call them doomed since he didn't want to give her up. He didn't want to stop touching her or stop feeling what he felt for her. He couldn't. There had been moments where he tried. There had been times when he shoved his feelings away, tucked them underneath loyalty to Konoha and the need to focus on his life. Even times when he attempted to move on with other women, and yet even the smallest touch of another made his blood curdle as if he were doing something that was inherently wrong.
As if anyone could make him feel the way she made him feel. He hardly felt in control over his own body when she was near. He was content with anything she could give him, knowing that words didn't come easily for her. When she told him snippets of the tiniest guts of her past, he felt sick to his stomach.
"For looking at me the same as ever," she whispered, letting out a small insecurity through the walls she had surrounded herself in as if she loved the stones. He felt his veins pulsate, as if she had dug her fingers from underneath.
He gripped her by her waist and flipped them over again so he could feel her from underneath him. Her thigh was pressed against his hips and her lips were curled into an amused grin.
Slowly, that grin faded at his next words. "What happened was not your fault," he told her and now she was drowning. He wondered how she could stop herself from tears and why she felt she had no right to even cry. "You were a child. You didn't have control over anything." He ran his fingers up her cheek, over her nose, and along her lashes. His touch was as light as feathers and just as sweet. "What happened to you..." Kakashi trailed off, his head resting against her collarbone as she realized he had begun to shake. She was barely breathing through it all. "What you went through."
"Does it disgust you?" Anomie asked him, that small voice of hers causing him to shudder.
He looked up at her, his fingers now tracing the feather shaped scar along her neck. "Disgust me?" He was frowning, and he noticed she was breathing hard. He began to wonder why she made it so hard to get close to her, and in the past, he had once considered it was because underneath it all, perhaps she really was the monster everyone labeled her. Then, at times, she allowed him to see past the walls, superficial at first, like her favorite color.
Kakashi shook his head. Your favorite color is white. Your favorite hobby is singing, yet you've never let me hear you sing. I have the suspicion that you are afraid of dogs.
"None of that could ever make you disgusting," he whispered, and he listened closely to her pulse. He wanted to hear it all since she so often left her feelings unvoiced. "You are the strongest person I have ever met."
Anomie was silent, and he met her gaze, wishing he could read her mind. He wanted to know everything, every last detail of her fears. He wanted to take meticulous time putting them to rest.
Anomie took a deep breath, as if she was trying to unwind nearly two decades of emotional baggage that was obviously too large to shed in just one day. "I don't think so," she whispered, tracing his arm as she stared up into the ceiling. "I admire you. I adore you."
He sent her another lazy smile. "Go on."
He felt her laugh, pressing his ear further into her skin as if he could meld into her. She spoke again. "All my life, I feel like I've been so angry. I've hurt people. I will hurt more." He froze, his grip tightening around her. "But you. You are so good. Moral. Honorable."
Kakashi shook off the feeling of dread at her words with a lazy smile yet again. "I am also gluttonous, rude, bitter, lazy, callous, and at times insensitive." He leaned closer. "How is it you only see the good in me?" His eyes squeezed shut. "I got two precious people killed. People we both loved."
Anomie was silent, for she was one of the first people who blamed him for Rin's death. She, who loved that girl far more than she should and far more than what was appropriate. She spoke again. "That wasn't your fault either."
"Are you just stealing my words now, An-chan?" Kakashi said, letting out a humorless laugh. His eyes, as always, were unguarded when he looked at her. She grinned, a small giggle escaping before she could tell it otherwise.
"I mean it. It's not my fault you're unoriginal," she told him. "I didn't really know Obito." She paused, thinking through her next words. "But that boy was pure and genuine. He loved Rin and he loved you. He would have been honored to give his life for either of you. You didn't fail him. It was war and it was a war that we came out of at the other side."
Kakashi was staring at her again, and his eyes would trail to her lips, over and over he would trace them.
"You came out the other side better. You are the kindest man I have ever met." Anomie blinked, wondering when she became so utterly besotted with him. Finally she met his gaze, but his eyes were on her lips, filled with such want that she nearly couldn't breathe. "I adore you."
The heat that fell between them was smoldering and intense when he leaned forward to press his lips against hers. His hands were tangled in her hair, with each silver strand in between his fingers as his legs caged her from underneath him. The electricity that echoed in between was nearly capable of making the both of them speechless. As they had discovered early on, after the first kiss, the idea of kissing always cast a shadow over everything they did.
She smiled, running her own fingers from under his chest that caged her and towards his closed eye that covered the Sharingan. She traced the scar with a gentle touch that somehow felt even better than her lips. She didn't answer, and she pressed her lips into his for a chaste kiss. She lingered for a moment. She began to wonder again if what they had, the feelings she felt so strongly, was normal for everyone.
"I had sex with the copy cat ninja," she mused with a smile causing him to raise his brows. He understood her desire to lighten up the conversation, but he was thankful she even was talking since she was always the first one to rebuild her extensive walls. "Do you have any idea how many girls in Anbu wanted you?"
"Didn't realize I was a prize," he said with an amused slant of his brow.
"I once," she said, tracing small kanji into his chest, "saw a new recruit literally stab herself to get you to notice her."
Kakashi tried to hide the smile, but it came out regardless. "I don't remember that."
"Oh I know," Anomie said, a flash of pity taking over her expression. "You just walked right past her and she continued to bleed on the ground."
Now he winced, "I never considered how..."
"Completely disinterested you were in people?" Anomie offered, causing him to poke her nose. "I liked that about you too."
"Meanwhile," he commented, laying down next to her and staring up at the ceiling. In his movements he dragged the blanket off of her, causing him to glance over towards the very naked girl next to him with a smirk. She pulled back the blanket and turned on her side to face him. "You are the girl who managed to reject every advance Genma ever made on you."
Anomie felt her lips twitch up, but slowly she decided to interject, breaking her rule of 'do not kiss and tell'. "Not every advance."
Kakashi's smile disappeared. "Ah."
Obviously he remembered the encounter where Anomie had body flickered up to his apartment in nothing but panties and a shirt with no bra. The scent of another man's cologne had stained her body and another Chakra filled her apartment. That was the first time Kakashi ever felt jealousy. It had been ugly, but it reminded him to reevaluate his supposed feelings for her as being more than what he thought they were.
"Jealous?" Anomie found it endearing, especially since she was new at whatever it was that they were. She rather liked that he cared so much about her that he still felt so strongly even after all these years. Still, she couldn't imagine how he would get if he knew just how many people were on her list of 'until she couldn't walk the next morning'.
Kakashi reached over and gripped her by the back of her neck. His lips had pressed against hers, drawing her back into the bed as he climbed over her. Anomie smiled into the kiss, her eyes shutting closed as her naked legs wrapped around his body, bringing him closer into the next embrace. "Anomie," Kakashi whisper, running his lips down her jaw as he glanced towards her again.
"Hm?" Anomie whispered back, still closing her eyes with a serene expression that was not yet showing how ravenously hungry she had started to feel.
"I want to touch every place you were ever so much as grazed," he told her, watching the way her eyes had widened and her lips had tightened into a thin line. He sent her a lazy smile that made her tongue go dry and she found she couldn't properly let out a single word. "Is that okay?"
He actually asked her permission and that much made her feel weak at the knees. Slowly, she felt her heart tremor in her chest and she was nearly shaking when she touched him. She brought her hands up to his face, tracing his lips with the pads of her thumbs as his lazy gaze stayed upon her.
She tried to think up beautiful words, to give him the poetry he always had in abundance for her. She couldn't think of anything. Instead, she held him close to her and pressed her lips up against his, and thus, was the extent of her level of poetry.
●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●
Fourteen hours they stayed in bed, and only four of those hours were spent sleeping, two for talking, and the rest were their way of making up for the years of opportunities they missed out on. Once again, on the open road in the land of Rock, Anomie wore stunning silks that reminded him just how much he wanted to rip it off.
"Tell me more about what you did under Orochimaru," Kakashi had asked, and during their talks in bed, he had managed to refrain asking about the Akatsuki or Orochimaru. This was a testament to his self control as Anomie always had a way of running away when the talks got even remotely serious.
Anomie pauses in between stepping on the rocks to cross the stream because she, and Kakashi could quote this, "would sooner kill my first born than ruin the silk". Kakashi heard the certainty in her tone and began to earnestly worry for any first born child. The fabric was bunched in between her fingers, and she nearly let it go before she turned to him. She spun on her heel, as only she would wear heels to fight. The practicality of telling her anything was a losing battle and she had proven to be able to argue with anything.
"What do you want to know?" Anomie said, and he raised both brows, jumping on the stone just in front of her. He ran his fingers up her arm, unable to resist any chance to touch her.
"Good things. Selfless things. Things you are likely not proud of," he said, recalling how she associated being 'good' with being weak or vulnerable.
Her lips quirked. "Did you know that Orochimaru did yoga?"
"What?" The mental image was unwelcome.
"You know. Yoga. Downward dog." She trailed her fingers up his chest with a spider motion that was partly flirtatious, mostly mocking. "What we did at 2 in morning."
Kakashi couldn't help the smile that was threatening to build on his face, and judging by the mirth in her eyes, she could see it well enough. "You're lying."
Anomie's smile turned delightfully intoxicating as she took a step back onto the next rock. "Nah. He had this room. No one, not even Kabuto, was allowed inside, but I'm made of smoke so getting inside places I'm not supposed to be isn't exactly an issue." She took another step back, skillfully finding the stones without looking down.
"That lack of privacy I got in Konoha was a very attractive quality of yours," Kakashi commented in a deadpan, following her steps with his hands in his pockets.
Anomie smiled again. "Inside was filled with candles. At first I thought he was gonna sacrifice a goat or something to Jashin."
"Whose Jashin?"
"Not important." Anomie reached the other side of the bank. "But there he was, doing yoga instead."
Kakashi jumped next to her, his head tilted. "You made that up."
"Did I though?"
"What does that even have to do with selfless things you have done?"
"Selflessly, I told everyone in the base that same story."
"You told them a fake story?"
"The important thing is they believed it, fake or real."
"So was it real?"
Anomie smiled.
"That's the most selfless thing you did under Orochimaru?" Kakashi couldn't keep the exasperation out his voice.
Anomie glanced behind him, her eyes narrow and they both froze. "That's the most selfless thing I've ever done." Her voice was airy, light, and Kakashi sent her a small nod of his head, glancing to the right then the left. She rolled her eyes, but nodded back.
Quickly, he jumped to the right, and she left. In their place were knives, connected to bombs that exploded on impact. She hissed out a slight groan of annoyance at her singed silk, glancing through the leaves for the enemy who just ruined her evening. She saw nothing but the empty air and waited for the next sound. She awaited any noise, any snap of a branch, a sigh, a spike of Chakra. Still, she heard nothing.
"Boo," a voice whispered from behind her. Anomie barely had time to dodge a blade that went to strike the back of her neck. Anomie's wakizashi barely stopped the attack, and the metal on metal contact revertibrarted across her arms as the force knocked her off the branch. She landed on her feet, but the ripped silk got caught on her foot, causing her to stumble backwards. The fall put her at a serious disadvantage as the blade of the enemy ninja sliced through the air towards her. Anomie, having dropped her blade, was underprepared for the gust of wind in the air that made turning into smoke dangerous.
Kakashi's tanto blocked the attack, his eye activated with the Sharingan as the enemy ninja, a woman with dark black hair in two intricate buns, gave him a bored deadpan. Her eyes were a bright silver, her skin as pale as a cloud, and her body wrapped in black, only succeeding to make her even paler.
"Copy cat ninja helping a criminal?" The girl finally let out a cat like smile that wasn't the least bit amused. "Interesting."
"Izana Asa," he greeted slowly, recognizing the Izana clan heiress in all her splendor. The Izana girl had glitter on her cheekbones, bright orange eyeshadow that dusted well along her eyes, and stunningly dark red lips. When she stood up straight, Anomie took note of the remarkable height, the long legs, outlined through the black skin tight jumpsuit that an acrobat might wear. One leg was bare, covered in glitter and tattoos of lotus flowers. On her feet were ballet flats, the tie working its way in loops until it reached her calf.
"You embarrassed my sister," Asa said, her eyes in a smooth deadpan.
Anomie saw bits of Tsukasa's cheekbones and eyes in Asa's face, as well as the smooth curvature of her jaw. They could have been twins, if not for Tsukasa's bright orange hair in contrast to Asa's raven tied strands. They did, however, have very similar auras. Anomie might compare the feeling to that of death.
"Izana Kira?" Anomie remembered the girl who fought Jiraiya and offered in not so subtle a way to have an orgy before or after she chopped off some limbs. Kira's strength was massive, her Chakra overpowering, and—
"Such a weakling," Asa whispered, taking a step closer yet again. "I am prepared to offer you a deal."
"Making a deal with an Izana?" Anomie said, earning a smile from Asa.
"I'm not talking to you," the raven haired woman announced, her eyes on Kakashi. "What do you say handsome? I'm getting the feeling there is some arrangement we can agree upon that ends with the relic in my hands and everyone leaving with happy smiles."
Kakashi raised a brow, his grip on his tanto still tight, feeling out the area for a way to get through without fighting the Izana clan leader. Anomie was likely wishing for the same since Kira alone had nearly overpowered Jiraiya, and Asa just called her a weakling. More than that, Anomie wasn't certain she had had the Chakra or the energy to fight in yet another battle. Mangetsu had all but drained her, and she was still filled with ash from using the Ho'ou's powers. Like a double edged blade, Mangetsu was killed, but Anomie had an open wound that had yet to close.
"What would you do with the stone?" Kakashi asked, and everyone knew that he was stalling for time, thinking of a plan that wouldn't end with the grass bloody and burnt.
Asa tilted her head to the side. "Swallow it. Grind herbs. Use it for a paper weight. What does it matter?"
"It matters." Kakashi's grip tightened.
"You have no use for it. I do." Asa took a step forward. "You plan to destroy it. Why else would you be so close to an active volcano?"
"Honeymooning actually," Anomie said with a bitter smile. "How about you fish it from the magma?"
Asa's lips, bright red and shining, curled up. Her Chakra level was hidden, as if she were talking to two wild animals and she didn't want to scare them. She even looked at them like prey. "I could do that, but it'd get my outfit quite dirty. How about, instead, you hand over the relic and I give you whatever that black heart of yours desires."
"I desire no one to have the power to control a demon," Kakashi said, and Asa's blank gaze swept over him. She did have a different personality that Kira, who had bordered on psychotic. Anomie had a feeling this one could be reasoned with, and perhaps, they could get away without a fight in which Anomie would be of no help.
"Ah," Asa whispered, long lashes sweeping her cheeks like feathers of a fan. Bits of paint, golden and sparkling, glittered in the sun as she swept her bangs past her ears. "Is that right? Control a demon? You mean the tailed demons?" Asa's lips curled into a smile. "I heard that the temple was ransacked. It had once been safe there, no thanks to you." Her gaze flickered to Anomie with an expression of disdain. "You ruin everything, you know that?"
Anomie shrugged. "I've been told."
"It doesn't control demons," Asa said. "Does that satisfy you into giving it to me?"
"What does it do, if not that?" Anomie knew Izana had a reputation of never lying, so her attention was drawn to the girl.
"That's easy. It was created by a family, the Kumiko line, that sealed two gods, the first gods of the world, grown from the branches of a special tree." Asa said this casually, as if it were a known secret or she were talking about more butter on her toast. "That which you are holding is no stone. It is a seed."
Kakashi almost jumped when Asa appeared in front of him, only centimeters below his height with her fingers pressed against Kakashi's chest. Anomie's wakizaki was already at Asa's throat, and one move would cause the skin to split apart. "Seed to what? Finish your story and remove your hand," Anomie said, and Asa smiled again.
"Relax a bit, Koneko," Asa told her, seemingly unbothered by the blade at her throat. Her eyes returned to Kakashi. "I am as uninterested in killing the Copy Cat Ninja as I am in killing you. I told you. I want to make a deal."
"What deal could you offer when what we want to do is to destroy it and what you want is it in your hands?" Kakashi asked, unnerved by Asa's touch as her fingers dug into his chest where the seed rested in the pockets of his jacket.
"My deal is simple. With the seed in your possession, you may do whatever it is you like. Your lives will go on for I will not fight you, and should your girlfriend stay out of trouble, which I doubt, she might live to the old age of 30 years old." Asa's eyes scanned Anomie's face, and the girl froze as the information passed on how many years she had left. The Ho'ou had taken everything else, but how Asa knew that was what unnerved her. "If you give me the seed, I will give you the means to regain your years." Asa's eyes ran over to Anomie. "You can live a full and pointless life."
"What is she talking about?" Kakashi knew Anomie had her secrets, and he tried to respect that, but if this was her secret, his blood was already ice.
"It's a deal I made," Anomie said, ignoring Kakashi. "How would you possibly interfere?"
"Because that which you made this deal with is a dishonest beast of thing. They call themselves the Ho'ou, do they not?" Asa removed her hand from Kakashi's chest, her eyes running to Anomie's face, down to the feather burn along her neck. "I recognized the burn mark. It must like you to lend so much power. They are not summonings, Anomie. They were born from the branches of the god tree, and the seed of which you hold." Asa's eyes ran back to Kakashi. "It does not control demons. It can give birth to a new tree, should the beasts Yin and Yang come together to fertilize it."
"This is a bit far fetched," Kakashi said, his voice cold and menacing. Likely, he was already thinking over Asa's words, and judging by the way he was avoiding Anomie's glance, he was unhappy with the new revaluation.
Asa shrugged. "Believe me or don't. I care not. The deal stands, for I am not looking to fight the copy cat ninja or the one who bares the mark of Yin." Asa raised her hand, and in the once empty palm a small card appeared with the face of the queen of hearts. "My sister loves card tricks and I admit they do strike my fancy." She held out the queen of hearts to Anomie. "I will give you 12 hours to decide what is you wish to do. You are roughly two hours away from the next village. Three hours away from Mount Fukojima." Anomie grabbed the card with a suspicious once over of the girl in front of her. "If you wish to destroy the seed with fire, of which I am uncertain is even possible, you may do so. If not, there is a den called the Mangerie. You should be quite familiar with their services. Find the Weeping Lady and give that card. I will know then that you have accepted my offer."
"What do you want with the seed?" Kakashi finally asked, and Asa sent him a graceful side eye as she took a step away from the both of them.
"I don't want to plant in my garden, assure you of that." Asa smirked, giving them a bow. "The beast of Yin is not to be triffled with, dear Koneko. It is a malicious sort, waiting for any oppertunity to be free. It can offer you crowns laden with diamonds, but the moment you place that upon your head, it will seize the moment to destroy everything."
"How do you know of this?" Anomie asked, and Kakashi's wary eyes followed her motion as her fingers reaching up to touch the tender skin of the feather burn upon her neck. He felt a moment of cold sickness, creeping up and down his spine as he attempted to clear the burning in his throat.
"In my family, we know intimately of the gods," was all Asa said. "12 hours. I recommend a true discussion on what is really important." Asa's narrow eyes ran over to the Copy Cat Ninja. "A single seed or the life of your paramour."
In a swirl of dead leaves, Asa disappeared.
Author's Note
Wasurenagusa (勿忘草) - Forget-Me-Not which is a symbol of fidelity and being truthful to someone you love.
Such a thing is ironic since the point of this chapter is that Anomie is never truthful with him. In the last chapter, Anomie and Kakashi finally did the deed, which I actually did depict in very graphic detail on my . I made a creative decision to not put a sex scene in this series as I felt it would ruin the flow of the chapters. Also, it's a bit embarrassing aha.
Oh my gosh, this chapter took so long and for that, I am deeply sorry. I had quite a few reasons for my shit updating skills this year. I thought, oh my gosh, quarantine means I can get shit done. Instead, I fell in love and got my heart broken all at once, which doesn't make for a great writing environment.
Still, that's life and it's so important to keep moving on and learning from those mistakes.
