The Normandy was nearing the Citadel. Unless anything unexpected arose, Joker estimated they'd dock within 48 hours, including one final stop to scan a small outer planet in a nearby system for heavy metals.
Sometime after dinner, Shepard was sitting in the comm room. She'd adopted it as her secondary workspace shortly after taking command of the Normandy. It was off the crew's beaten path, resulting in fewer interruptions. She was currently working on a post-mission report for their just-completed assignment on Ontarom. Admiral Hackett had asked her to investigate the killings of several scientists who had worked on a secret mission some years before. Shepard had been surprised to discover a corporal from her squad on Acuze had not only survived the thresher maw attack that took out fifty marines, but was also responsible for the murders. He was there on Ontarom, ready to kill another scientist. She talked him down, but not before learning that he'd been kidnapped from Acuze by some organization called Cerberus and subjected to various horrifying experiments for years before escaping (hence his killings of the scientists responsible). He also claimed that Cerberus was responsible for the thresher maw attack itself, to study the creatures and how the marines responded to them.
It was all so goddamn awful.
Watching the massacre of the squad under her command had always haunted Shepard. She'd spent years learning to compartmentalize the horror, and had thought she'd done a fair job of it. Until now.
The encounter with the corporal left her more shaken than she cared to admit, dredging up memories best left buried. Fifty marines dead. Fifty soldiers under her command, gone. Except for one man, who was little more than a human guinea pig for the people responsible for the attack in the first place.
Overwhelmed, Shepard set the datapad with the still incomplete report on it aside. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Shepard squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying to block out the sights, sounds and smells of Acuze that washed over her in wave after wave.
She didn't hear Ashley enter the comm room with what was becoming her customary post-mission coffee delivery.
Ashley's greeting to Shepard died on her lips when she saw the commander hugging her legs to her her body, forehead pressed against her knees.
Williams put the mug of coffee on the nearest surface and rushed over. "Shepard!" Receiving no response, she tentatively placed a hand on the other woman's shoulder and said, more quietly this time, "Sloane."
Shepard slowly turned her head to Ashley, eyes shining with unshed tears. Ashley had never seen her so vulnerable, so fragile. "Ash."
Ashley put one arm around Shepard's shoulders, and used the other to pull Shepard's head to her chest, holding her close. She stood there in silence, offering her strength to Shepard.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, when she felt Shepard finally relax just a bit in her arms.
"Acuze." The way Shepard said it conveyed nothing and everything all at once.
"Oh god, Shepard." There were no words. None were needed. Ashley thought of the loss of her own squad on Eden Prime. As awful as that was, she knew it still paled in comparison to Shepard's nightmare on Acuze.
Shepard lifted her face to Ashley. Unwrapping one arm from her legs, Shepard pulled Ashley's face down to her own, catching her mouth in a hungry kiss. Williams responded in kind, understanding what Shepard needed in that moment.
When Shepard broke the kiss, she growled into Ashley's ear, "Come to my quarters tonight. I want. . . I need. . . Just. . . Please."
Williams could deny her nothing in that moment. She nodded her assent. "I'll be there in an hour."
Shepard answered with a nod of her own, then picked up the previously discarded data pad.
As Ashley left the room, she heard the unmistakable sound of a datapad hitting a wall with great force.
Less than an hour later, Williams found herself at Shepard's door. Fortunately, the mess was empty at this hour. The door was unlocked for her. She walked in to find Shepard sitting at her small table with a glass of bourbon in hand. It was likely not her first. Another glass was already poured out, waiting for her.
Without a word, Ashley moved the other chair closer to Shepard. Sitting down, she took a generous sip of bourbon, keeping her eyes on Shepard's face. The vulnerability she'd seen earlier was gone, although the pain remained. She reached out her free hand and placed it on Shepard's own on the table. She instinctively knew that Shepard needed to direct the conversation. So Ashley sat, and drank, and waited.
Finally, "It was my job to get everyone out safe, Ashley. I failed."
"You did not fail. You survived. You're a goddamn fucking warrior, and you survived."
"Fifty marines died, and I couldn't save them." Shepard reached for the bottle to refill her glass.
Ashley placed a hand on her arm, stopping her short. "I know. Sometimes you can't save them. Tell me, Sloane, what did that experience mean to you? Do you think you would be the woman you are today without it?"
"I vowed to do better. I vowed to never let anything like that happen again."
"Damn right. And look at what you've done because of it. You're the first fucking human Spectre. You are commander of the Normandy. And you're going to find that son of a bitch Saren and stop him and the Reapers. Because you are Commander goddamn Shepard."
Shepard nodded slowly to herself, considering this.
Understanding what Shepard needed most then, Ashley stood and took Shepard's hand, leading her to the bed. She pulled Shepard onto her lap, kissing her tenderly. Shepard gradually increased the pressure, parting her lips and raking her teeth along Ashley's lower lip. As the kiss intensified, they began pulling at each other's clothes, discarding them haphazardly around the room, breaking the kiss only when needed to pull a shirt over a head or look for a pants button.
They moved up the bed together, a tangle of arms and legs and tongues. Ashley rolled Shepard onto her back, straddling one of her thighs. Running her hands over Shepard's breasts, she leaned in and bit Shepard's neck where it curved into her shoulder, sucking gently until she heard Shepard moan. Shifting a little to concentrate on Shepard's breasts, Ashley ran her tongue around one hardened nipple, causing Shepard to gasp at the sensations. Holding the other breast in her hand, Ashley continued to lick and suck at the nipple, pulling on it gently with her lips. She moved to the other breast, licking and sucking and kissing, while gently squeezing the other.
She kissed the place between Shepard's breasts, continuing her kisses down Shepard's taut abdomen to just above her damp curls. Shepard whimpered as Ashley stopped to position herself between Shepard's thighs. Ashley parted Shepard's wet folds with a finger, followed immediately by her tongue. She licked up one side and then the other, while Shepard arched her hips into her. Ashley pressed the tip of her tongue into Shepard's slick center as deep as she could, moving it in and out. Shepard grabbed onto Ashley's hair with one hand, bracing herself against the bed with the other.
As Williams continued to thrust her tongue into Shepard, she used the thumb of one hand to press on Shepard's clit, moving it in small circles over the hardened tip. As Shepard's hips started to buck, Ashley began to lick up and down Shepard's center, lapping up her juices. She increased the tempo and pressure of her thumb on Shepard's clit as Shepard's thighs tightened against her. She replaced her thumb on Shepard's clit with her mouth, sucking and licking, drawing it into her mouth. Sensing that Shepard was nearing her peak, she thrust two fingers into her. She could feel Shepard's inner walls clamping down onto her fingers as she moved them in and out, still sucking on Shepard's clit. She increased the tempo and intensity of both until Shepard cried out and her thighs shook.
Once Shepard stilled, Ashley moved back up the bed, and after positioning herself on her side next to Shepard, she pulled her lover into a tight embrace. Shepard wrapped an arm around Ashley's waist, burying her head in the crook of Ashley's shoulder. Ashley held her like that until Shepard fell into much needed sleep.
Not a word was said. And yet what had just happened spoke volumes.
