"Siebold Bocuse." I gritted out through my Holo Caster. "Where. Are. You."
I don't care if he is now a member of Kalos Elite Four or the fact that he is way out of my league. Nobody makes an appointment with a lady a week before, telling her to meet him in the afternoon today, constantly reminding her to not eat any breakfast because she will be having a sumptuous lunch that is cooked by him.
And then be spectacularly late. It's way past the agreed meeting time.
I'm hungry and I'm angry. A hungry woman makes an angry woman. Hungry plus angry makes me hangry. I'm hangry.
"Ah, mademoiselle!" Oh, now there's the reply I had been waiting for the past two hours as Siebold's ugly mug finally popped up from my Holo Caster. "I'm so sor-"
"Sorry?" My voice nearly went an octave higher. "You better cook me all the best and most expensive food when you finally get y-"
"Turn left to Autumnal Avenue and you shall see the wonderful me!"
"Trust me, the world will be much more wonderful when I finally strangle y-"
"Find me at Restaurant Le Yeah! On the right side of the street!"
"You woke me up at the wrong side of the bed today, Siebold. I'm warning you, if I find the food even a teeny weeny bit unsatisfactory, I'll make you go yeah."
What's with that weird name? Restaurant Le Yeah? I know this weird friend of mine was trying to open up four new restaurants in Lumiose under his name, saying that the concept behind it is going to be 'artistically revolutionary'.
But to keep me waiting and hungry for two whole hours?
He. Is. So. Dead. I will make his death a work of art to be remembered by historians for centuries to come. It will be so beautiful that no one will say otherwise.
I found the Restaurant Le Yeah he was yapping about. It's hard to miss it. Siebold himself is standing at the door, waving excitedly at me in that ridiculous getup he always appear in public, as though he is afraid that I am unable to spot that ridiculously gaudy and flamboyantly decorated restaurant from a mile away.
He and his artistic sense is just weird.
"Mademoiselle! Glad to have you here with us as Restaurant Le Yeah's very first customer before our grand opening!"
Translation: I am his guinea pig for the sole purpose of allowing him to make any adjustments he deems necessary before his restaurant's grand opening, depending on what I find satisfactory and unsatisfactory about my dining experience here.
"You will be the very first on my to-kill list unless you have a very good reason why you kept a lady waiting for two whole-"
"It was to prepare the best dining experi-"
"Siebold. Food. Now." I demanded as I sat myself down on a table that he had obviously prepared for me since that is the only table with any cutlery put on it.
"Ah, therein lies the problem, Nova." Siebold spoke in a flamboyant manner as he pushed up his fringe with a hand. The only ones in this empty restaurant are the two of us and his employees who I know are hiding themselves somewhere in here.
Siebold dramatically raised his right arm at a forty-five degree angle towards the ceiling, palm opened like a blooming flower just as a mysterious ray of light shine down at him. I was about to commit manslaughter in broad daylight because this idiot is not getting me my food immediately, until I was reminded that I need to first hear him explain what he meant by 'therein lies the problem'.
Siebold is still striking that ridiculous pose with that mysterious light show shining from somewhere. Every moment of my time with him is always accompanied by the ridiculous visual effects he is always so adamant on having when he is making a declaration. He never told me how he got the lights to work for him in this manner, but I have a feeling I know where those lights are coming from.
Question is, why am I still friends with this idiot? My empty stomach is rioting, damn it! Siebold Bocuse! Do your job as a chef and fill my stomach with food! NOW!
"The whole concept behind my restaurants is to serve each course of the meal with a side of pokemon battle."
Say. What?
"Before you are allowed to enjoy your meal, you need to first take part in a pokemon battle! To enjoy the food at its best, you need to finish the battle in a very specific amount of time!" Siebold declared dramatically as he spread his arms out, as if welcoming the embrace of the universe. "Of course, each of my employees that you will be battling will not make things easy for you! They will purposely drag the battles longer than needed! Wasting precious time that may make your food go cold or lose its perfect taste through-"
I threw the fork at his face, which Siebold unfortunately dodged.
"Mademoiselle! That is so very unartistic!"
"You told me to not eat breakfast." I am on the verge of strangling my wayward friend now. "And then you made me wait for two whole hours under the hot sun-"
"It's so that you would have the proper motivation to take part in the special battles I have planned for you!" Siebold continue on his dramatic declaration as another bright ray of light shone down on him from… somewhere. His starmie must be hiding somewhere out of sight with Camouflage and providing the visual effects. There's no way I can spot his starmie with my naked eye but I know it must be here somewhere.
"I want you to be Restaurant Le Yeah's very first customer before we open ourselves to the public! And then Restaurant Le Yeah can then see which areas we can improve on by learning from your battles before we start operating for real!"
"Two hours, Siebold."
"It's only two hours, Nova." Siebold whipped his head a little to flip his weird looking hair back to its proper position. "Don't be too dramatic about the details."
I'm about to slap him senseless. I'm hungry and he is trying to make me wait even longer by making me participate in pokemon battles in my famished state?!
"Dramatic?! I will show you what dramatic really is-"
"Bring in the hors-d'oeuvre!"
A waiter professionally served a bruschetta with olives and mushrooms. Usually, I would be impressed at the level of professionalism displayed and how visually appetising the food is. After all, this is food that Siebold prepared. His skills as a trainer is as famous as his skills as a chef and he is notorious for being very particular about every single detail.
However, I'm downright hungry and angry. Hangry.
Siebold pointed to the waiter who just served me the hors-d'oeuvre.
"To enjoy the hors-d'oeuvre at its best, the mademoiselle must beat George in a single battle in exactly one minute and fifty seven seconds! Of course, George won't make it easy! He will try to waste your precious time and you will have to try your best to finish the battle in exactly one minute and fifty seven seconds to appreciate the hors-d'oeuvre at its perfect taste! On your feet, mademoiselle! To the battlefield we go!"
"Siebold. I'm hungry. You don't keep your customers starving."
Siebold, being the jerk he is, never listened a word.
"To the battlefield we go!"
"That battle ended too soon, Nova!" Siebold half-whined as I devoured the hors-d'oeuvre with a vengeance. My garchomp, Core, is by my side and gnawing at some gigantic bone-like pokemon treat I all but demanded from the kitchen. I called out Core to battle for me because he is the one with the most firepower on my team who can finish the battles as soon as possible.
"You only took thirty seconds! To enjoy the hors-d'oeuvre at its perfect state, you are supposed to end the battle at exactly one minute and-"
"I. Am. Hungry." I growled louder than the din my stomach is making. The hors-d'oeuvre is too little to fill my still growling stomach. "Where's the Potage."
A waitress appeared before me this time, serving me the soup in an impeccable professional manner. Siebold does train his staff well.
"Ah, ah, Nova." Siebold grabbed onto my wrist so that I am unable to use the soup spoon to drink my soup. "To enjoy the Potage at its best and most perfect state, you need to defeat Talia here at exactly two minutes and-"
I let out a frustrated noise as I violently stood up from my chair, dragging a yelling Siebold along with me back to the arena for the mandatory side of pokemon battle. Core followed after us while wagging his thick tail, the gigantic bone-like treat still in his mouth as he brought it along like a puppy.
Why am I even allowing myself to be dragged along by Siebold's crazy arrangement of one course, one battle? I'm starving here!
"Serve the entire full course at once. Let's just get this over and done with."
"Non, non, non! Mademoiselle needs to finish the sequence of the full course in the exact order at the exact timing! To aim to eat each of the course at its best and perfect state is the entire artistic spirit behind the concept of Restaurant Le Yeah-"
"How about I make you go yeah by letting Core eat you if you don't shut up?"
Why am I even friends with him?
"Novaaaa! These aren't battles that you can simply bulldoze your way through! I know you are good in battles, but that battle was too short! Timing, Nova! The exact timing! You cannot just literally bulldoze through your battles with Bulldoze!"
"We just did. Bulldoze is a very underrated move." I drink my soup with the perfect manners that befits a restaurant of this caliber. Core is now back to gnawing contently on his gigantic bone-like treat as he lay on the floor behind me. That treat had never left his mouth even during the previous battle.
I'm still hungry.
"Poisson. Now." I demanded the next course yet again. I have to say, Siebold is a really good chef. Even in the so-called imperfect state of the meal, the taste, smell, and sight of his food is already heavenly.
"Novaaaa~"
"Goodness! You are an Elite Four!" I did a strangling motion with my hands, appearance and manners be damned because of my hunger and frustration. There's no one else here to see us other than his employees anyway. "Stop acting like a child!"
"Try to aim for the exact timing~ Please~" Siebold threw a tantrum and pleaded from where he is sitting and flailing his limbs childishly on the floor.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this person here is a member of Kalos Elite Four. How did I let him beat me in our conference? How did I lose to this man-child?
I facepalmed and sighed.
"Once, Siebold. Just once."
"See? Was the Poisson delicious?"
"I expect nothing less from anything made by your hands." I spoke calmly as I ate the Poisson with perfect manners. My stomach is finally not growling as much now that there is something of substance in it.
"Finally! The perfect timing! Exactly three minutes and fifteen seconds!" Siebold clapped his hands happily, a sight which I chose not to see lest it made something unknown within me snap and I accidentally murdered an Elite Four by mistake.
Core poked his nose in and did a loud sniff.
"Here you go." I gave him a small bite of the fish that I am eating. "Good job, boy."
"Did Core grow a little bigger since I last saw him?" Siebold asked curiously.
"Maybe." I shrugged as Core scarfed down the food in one gulp. "I see him everyday, so I wouldn't notice. He is a growing boy and garchomps take years to fully grow into a proper adult. He was just a baby when I got him."
Core grunted in agreement as he smacked his lips.
"Ready for the entree? Hit the perfect timing?" Siebold asked with twinkling eyes that are full of anticipation. I swear his starmie is still helping its trainer by providing light effects using its gem from somewhere in this restaurant. Camouflage is too useful a move when applied properly and Siebold's starmie is a master in that particular move. I can never forget how it demolished me with Camouflage when I first battled Siebold.
"Now that I'm not starving, yes." I crossed my arms and answered wryly. "It is because of things like these that I have trust issues when it comes to you, Siebold. Why are we even friends?"
"Novaaaaaa~"
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I closed my eyes, trying not to let out a sigh.
"Entree, Siebold. Just serve the entree."
"So, what are the things that you think Restaurant Le Yeah can do better?" Siebold questioned after I had finally went through the entire 7 course meal and is now finishing up my coffee.
"First, you don't starve your customer by making them not eat their breakfast and then make them wait under the hot sun at Centrico Plaza for two hours." I replied, totally unamused at the ordeal I was forced to go through today.
"Oh, that part of today's experience was only applicable to you, Nova! Knowing how little importance you place on the artistic value of food, I have to find ways to motivate you to battle!"
I nearly splashed my hot coffee at his face upon hearing that.
"You-!"
"Any other details about your experience, Nova!" Siebold totally ignored me trying to strangle him. The only thing holding me back is the fact that Core is physically restraining me, seeing this sight too often to know where this is heading to next.
"Exact details, Nova! Both the good and the bad! Did me not saying bonjour when you first came in ruin your perfect experience? Or did George placing the plate by one centimetre off center when he served you the hors-d'oeuvre ruined your appetite? Did your hunger made the food taste better? Or should I include-"
"If I didn't know for a fact that you were the one who prepared the food, I would have said that you ruined a supposedly beautiful experience."
"Nova~"
"Fine, fine." I resigned myself to my fate. Why did I even befriend him? What possessed me to? Why am I still sitting here? Why?
"Look, you know I'm no expert when it comes to fine dining, so I will just comment about my experience with the battles. I at least know something about that." I explained as I patted Core on the top of his head, who is now resting his big head on my lap like an adorable puppy. "If you really want to make your battles a true challenge, to try and make it difficult for your fans and loyal customers to hit your perfect and exact timing, there are better ways to do so."
"Oh?" Siebold is now obviously interested in what I have to say, his pencil and notebook at the ready.
"Have your employees use more status inducing moves. Make use of abilities like Sand Veil and Snow Cloak, change up the terrain. Make your customers' pokemon flinch constantly with moves like Headbutt or Fake Out. These things can definitely waste a lot of time and make it hard for your diners to achieve your perfect timing." I offered a few options that I can think of at the top of my head. "Don't allow trainers to have a chance to win the battle directly with a straightforward approach like Core's Bulldoze. That will be too easy."
"Oh, you are absolutely right!" Siebold exclaimed as his pencil scribbled furiously across his notebook. "The battles were too easy and straightforward!"
"Yes." I confirmed. "If your customers flock here because they want to experience the dining experience you want them to immerse themselves in, then make it challenging for them to do so. People will literally die for your food, Siebold, because your food are just that good. To challenge them to try and eat each course at the perfect state by ending the battle at the exact time would be a novel experience for them."
"As usual, your comments are so direct and to the point!" Siebold exclaimed dramatically once more, causing me to roll my eyes at his antics.
"Say, you are opening four restaurants all at the same time, right?"
"Oui!"
"So, is there an order of the restaurants to which your customers are supposed to compete in or…?"
Siebold's eyes widened to unimaginable proportions.
"Bien sûr!" Siebold exclaimed out loud. "I should have thought of something like this! Maybe I should have each of the restaurants set their battles to be at a certain difficulty level, from the easiest to the hardest! Catering to the level of each rank of trainers! Novice, Intermediate, Advanced, Elite! Four restaurants each serving a different type of customer! And for those who want to experience the full course, they can start from the bottom up!"
"It will be good experience for any trainer starting out on their journey too." I nodded in thanks as one of the waiters refilled my cup of coffee. "They can use this opportunity to check if they truly reach the power expected at each stage of their supposed rank. I have a feeling that you will be raking in a lot of money with this concept you have for your restaurants, Siebold."
"Merci, Nova!" Siebold showed me a waterfall when he cried tears of joy. I simply closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose again to calm my rising blood pressure.
Siebold and his antics. This is a side of Siebold that Kalosians don't see unless you know him on a personal level. In public, he is always the calm and cool Water Specialist that every Kalosian knows. In private, he is a dramatic and annoying big baby.
It's like he has a double personality.
"I really wonder why I'm still friends with you, Siebold."
Siebold continues to cry tears of joy.
AN: Since Kalos was designed with a flavour of French culture, I tried my best to write it into this story despite not having come into contact with anything French before. When it comes to France's culture, food was the first to come to mind for some reason. I'm not an expert on the French classical 7 course meal, but from what I know, this is what it should look like (credits to Google)
1. Starter (hors d'oeuvre)
2. Potage (soup)
3. Poisson (fish)
4. Entrée (entry of 1st meat course)
5. Sorbet
6. Salades (salad)
7. Fromage (cheese)
8. Desserts (fresh fruits & nuts)
9. Cafe (coffee)
Depending on how strict you want to classify what exactly constitutes a 'course', what is a seven course meal may be considered as an eight or nine course meal by some, or at least that is what I understand from what I read. I'm not French, so I can only try my best to get the best facts that I think is true. If there's any factual mistake, I sincerely apologise (especially to any readers from France).
And in case you guys were wondering what are the meanings of the French terms Siebold was spewing towards the end, here are their translations:
Oui: Yes
Bien sûr: Of course
Merci: Thank you
Hope this chapter was entertaining enough.
Character and pokemon list:
Nova Labelle, Age: 26, Female, Ground Specialist, Historian, Niece of Lysandre
Pokemon on hand:
1. Mamoswine (Berg), Male
2. Golem (Crust), Female
3. Excadrill (Solid), Male
4. Golurk (Drift), Genderless
5. Garchomp (Core), Male
6. Claydol (Vision), Genderless
7. Whiscash (Seis), Male
8. Marowak (Tinen), Female
9. Torterra (Terra), Female
10. Gigalith (Mantle), Male
11. Tyrantrum (Jaws), Male
12. Aurorus (Sail), Female
Siebold Bocuse, Age: 29, Male, Water Specialist, Kalos Elite Four
Pokemon on hand:
1. Clawitzer, Male
2. Starmie, Genderless
3. Barbaracle, Male
4. Gyarados, Male
5. Blastoise, Female
6. Jellicent, Female
7. Greninja, Male
8. Gastrodon, Male
