A/N: For Chapters 13 and 14, I tried something a little different - an interlude to look at a different aspect of Shepard and her crew.


Vignette: Kaidan Alenko

Shepard met Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko when she was first assigned to the Normandy under Captain Anderson. He had a bit of a stick up his ass, but his record was clean and he seemed capable. She had to listen to his weird conspiracy theories more than once, but a few vague nods and she could usually take her leave.

When she was given command of the Normandy, Shepard made a point of taking the time to speak to the crew regularly. She had found that good chemistry was a huge asset in the field, and carefully cultivated one-on-one relationships with key personnel. With most of the crew, she found it pleasant. With Alenko, it was a bit different.

He carried a definite chip on his shoulder from his time at "brain camp." But instead of using it to motivate him, it only made him bitter. He tended to lecture Shepard about cutting corners and bending regs. He was prone to say things like, "I'm not questioning any decisions you've made," right before he would question a decision she'd made. He told her that he thought it was his duty to keep her from making mistakes in the most condescending way possible. He also addressed her informally, often refusing to use her rank when it would otherwise be appropriate. To top it all off, he seemed to think that her attempts to speak with him were a way for her to flirt with him, even after she very pointedly let him know that she wasn't interested in men at all.

Shepard trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking that perhaps his L2 implants were affecting him somehow, but as she picked up new crew members, she found it easier to leave him aboard ship when she would go out on missions.

Then, as she began seeing Williams, things got even weirder. Watching him coming on to the chief was bad enough, especially when it was obviously so uncomfortable for Williams. But the animosity he displayed to both of them when word got out about her relationship with the marine was something else altogether.

Shepard never did get to talk to him about his sulking in the mess the night before Virmire. Because she killed him on Virmire.

Logically she knew it was the right tactical decision. Emotionally it was a little more complicated. If she allowed herself to think about it - really think about it - Shepard wondered if her dislike for the man colored her decision. She was choosing between her lover and a pain in the ass. If the roles were reversed, and Ashley were with the nuke, would she have chosen to extract her instead of providing support at the AA tower for Alenko and the salarians? The officer part of her said no. The mission was the priority, and that required disabling the gun tower to ensure safe passage for the Normandy (and as many soldiers as she could save) off the planet.

And yet.

Shepard would never willingly admit to anyone, not even Ashley, that the decision, as much as she hated it, may have been the slightest bit easier since there was no emotional connection to Alenko. She could barely admit it to herself. But it was there. And she felt like a monster for knowing it.