"Fucking useless Council," Shepard muttered as she reboarded the Normandy, heading straight for the bridge. "Joker, is there any way you can override the lockdown on the ship?"
"Sorry, ma'am. No can do."
"Goddammit. Stuck here while the Council has their heads up their asses." More muttering while she strode through the CIC. This was not the result she expected from her meeting with the Council. "They can take their stupid fucking blockade and choke on it." Crew members scattered at her approach.
Shepard suddenly realized that her crew was giving her a wide berth, and quickly schooled her features and quieted her cursing. It wouldn't do for the commanding officer to storm around the ship like this. She made a detour for the comm room, in search of a quiet place to get her rage under control. After pacing around the room for a while, she realized quiet wasn't what she needed. She needed something physical. Stopping by her quarters to change into her workout gear, Shepard headed for the gym.
The gym was more crowded than usual. Without knowing how long the lockdown would be in effect, Shepard hadn't granted any shore leave, giving her a ship full of restless soldiers. The heavy bag was open, so she grabbed some handwrap and began winding it around her knuckles as she crossed over to the bag. It had been much too long since she'd hit something (Probably not since I punched Saren), and she really needed to hit something right now. Positioning herself square to the bag, Shepard firmly planted her feet, and began throwing a series of right-left-right combinations, concentrating on controlling her breathing. She kept up a punishing pace, alternating jabs and crosses, pausing only to wipe the sweat from her forehead. Her technique was sound; the bag barely moved.
She finally took a break for water and to strip off her sweat-soaked shirt, leaving her in a sports bra and shorts. Not wanting to cool down for too long, she squared up on the bag again, working a variety of combinations, sweat quickly building anew on her exposed skin. From the corner of her eye, she saw the door open and Ashley come in. Finishing up a few more combinations, she stopped hitting the bag and, leaning against it, gave Ashley her full, unabashed attention. Shepard admired the way the tall woman strode into the room towards her, strong shoulders accented by her sleeveless tee. Shepard was acutely aware of how her heart seemed to literally skip a beat at the sight of her lover. She loved Ashley's confidence. She loved her strength. She loved her grounding influence. She loved her determination. She loved her. . . Oh shit. Stop. No. Not now. She must still just be emotionally raw from the fuck-up with the Council. There could be no other reason she'd be contemplating those thoughts. Could there be? No. Focus.
And yet, she couldn't take her eyes off of Ashley as she walked towards her. She is incredible. How can she be mine? What can she see in me? Ashley was saying something to her, but Shepard didn't register anything other than her nearness and an overwhelming need. Without any conscious thought, Shepard grabbed her in a hungry kiss, both hands behind Ashley's head, lips parted, tongue probing. Ashley responded without hesitation, pulling on Shepard's lower lip with her teeth, slipping her hands around the sweaty, bare skin of Shepard's waist.
And then, suddenly mindful of an audience, Shepard pulled back. "Shepard - " Ashley started.
"Shit. I'm . . . I'm sorry. I just don't. . . I can't. . . I'm sorry." Shepard's voice was hoarse and labored. She grabbed her shirt and a towel and made a hasty retreat, with several pairs of curious eyes following her out the door, and one pair of puzzled ones.
OoOoO
Ashley hadn't seen Shepard that flustered since. . . well, probably the early days of awkward flirting. She had stayed in the gym after Shepard's sudden exit, using the time to ponder what had just happened. While she did pull-ups, she considered the unexpected and very public display of affection. They no longer went to any lengths to hide their burgeoning relationship, but they were careful not to flaunt it in front of the crew, either. For Shepard to kiss her like that. . . well, that was quite unusual. What prompted that? Ashley had no answers.
Moving to crunches, Ashley's mind next turned to Shepard's stuttered apologies before she ran out of the gym. What was she apologizing for? Kissing me? Something else? What can't she do? Did this have anything to do with T'Soni? Ashley knew that Shepard had been spending time with the asari recently, but hadn't thought anything of it until now. Is she interested in Liara? Ashley turned the questions over and over in her head, but came up empty again.
A half hour on the treadmill didn't provide any more clarity. Admitting defeat, Ashley grabbed a towel and headed for the showers.
OoOoO
More than an hour after her quick exit from the gym, Shepard was in her quarters, flopped on her back across the bed, staring at the ceiling. She hadn't changed or showered or removed the wrap from her knuckles. She could make no sense of the emotions roiling through her. Anger she could deal with. Shepard and anger were old friends, and she often welcomed the familiarity of the heat that rage brought with it. Desire and lust? Welcome companions. She was very well-versed in channeling those feelings. But this. . . other thing. Shepard didn't know what to call it, let alone what to do with it. This longing and caring and . . . and what? Was there more? If she allowed it, would there be more?
Her door chimed, and she heard Ashley's voice call "Commander?"
Shit. I'm not ready for this. "Come."
Ashley stuck her head through the door tentatively. Her freshly washed hair hung damply around her shoulders. "Are you. . . okay?"
Shepard didn't take her eyes off the ceiling. "I don't know."
Ashley made her way over to the bed and, meeting no resistance, sat on the edge, next to Shepard. She wanted to reach out and touch her lover, but instead left her hands in her lap, unsure of what to do. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, she had to say something. "Sloane, please talk to me. Have I done something wrong?"
Shepard turned her head to look at her. "No. Absolutely not. It's just. . . I seem to. . . Gah." In frustration, Shepard threw her head back onto the bed. "Goddammit, why are words so hard?" she muttered.
Ashley began to worry. Is this the brush-off? "Is there someone else?"
"What? Who else could there be?"
"Liara is. . . quite beautiful. I couldn't blame you for being attracted to her."
"She does have a pretty great rack, I'll give her that," Shepard found herself agreeing before catching herself. She reached over to a wide-eyed Ashley, taking one of her hands into her own. "But no, I'm not interested in her. There's nobody but you, Ash."
"Then what? Not that I'm ever going to complain about being grabbed and kissed by a hot, sweaty woman, but that thing in the gym was kind of unexpected. And what was the apology for?"
Shepard sighed, closing her eyes. "I don't know. I've got all this shit swirling in my head and I just don't fucking know."
Ashley thought she was beginning to understand. She knew that now was not the time for any more questions. Not until Shepard had answered her own questions first. Shifting to face Shepard, Ashley used her free hand to smooth Shepard's hair back from her face. Bending down to place a gentle kiss on her lips, she quietly said, "It's okay, Sloane. I'm not going anywhere. Take all the time you need."
Shepard let out a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. She's staying. Even though I'm an incoherent idiot. And she's giving me time. No demands, no pressure. "Ash, I. . . thank you. I really do want to talk about it - I do. But I don't know how. Not yet. Thanks for putting up with my shit."
Pulling Ashley down on top of her, Shepard kissed her hard. Ashley reciprocated enthusiastically. As they broke for air, Ashley murmured in Shepard's ear, "Always, Sloane. Always."
OoOoO
A few hours later, Shepard woke, unable to get back to sleep. To her left, Ashley lay on her side, her back to Shepard. There was just enough light in the room to allow her to admire the naked woman next to her. Shepard's eyes slowly traced along Ashley's strong shoulder, continuing to the curve of Ashley's ribs and the notched V of her waist, up the rise of her hips, down across the swell of her toned ass. So beautiful. Shepard rolled over and pressed her body against her lover, wrapping an arm snugly around her. She buried her nose in Ashley's hair, inhaling deeply, enjoying that metallic vanilla scent unique to the chief.
Mine. This was still true. And I am hers. Also still true, no matter how inept Shepard was at dealing with her feelings. So what was the problem? She loved how Ashley accepted her, even those parts that were confused and uncertain. She loved the way Ashley often knew what she needed, even before she knew herself. One thing Shepard was absolutely sure of was that she didn't want to screw this up. Because she is mine, and I am hers.
Shepard was jarred from her thoughts when Ashley stirred against her, twisting her head around to catch Shepard in a kiss. While their lips met and their tongues danced, Shepard moved her hand up to the chief's breasts, gently squeezing first one, the other. She found a nipple with her fingers, bringing it to a point quickly with a few deft touches. Ashley broke away, gasping for breath, arching her chest into Shepard's hand. Shepard moved her lips to Ashley's neck, sucking and biting, gently at first, and then with more intensity. Her hand traveled from Ashley's breasts, down her muscled stomach, pausing for just a moment before she reached a tentative finger between Ashley's legs. Ashley was slick with desire.
Shepard laughed quietly in Ashley's ear. "That didn't take much."
Ashley smiled. "With you it never does. But to be fair, you have been lying here with your tits pressed up against my back and your bush tickling my ass for a while."
"Mmmm," was Shepard's only response as she went back to kissing Ashley's neck. Shepard used a knee to nudge Ashley's legs apart, moving her hand back down to rub Ashley's wet core, making circles with the flats of her fingers. Ashley's moans came from deep in her throat as she arched her backside into Shepard. Shepard slipped two fingers inside of Ashley, curving them forward to catch the sensitive spot on her inner wall. She began pumping her fingers in and out, slowly at first. Shepard's hips pressed against Ashley's ass, matching the rhythm of her thrusts.
Ashley's breath came in shallow pants. Shepard adjusted the position of her hand, placing her thumb on Ashley's clit, adding pressure and friction as she continued to thrust into her lover. With her mouth, Shepard found a sensitive spot on Ashley's shoulder just above her collarbone, and bit down gently, sucking at the skin. Ashley's hips began to buck against her hand, a string of obscenities escaping her lips as she neared her peak. Ashley reached a hand back, grabbing Shepard's ass. Shepard added a third finger and increased the tempo. After a few more artful thrusts, Ashley's thighs squeezed against Shepard's hand. Ashley's cries filled her ears as Shepard guided her through the waves of her pleasure, slowing her pace until Ashley finally stilled.
Shepard eased her fingers out, wrapping her arm back around Ashley. Ashley took Shepard's hand and brought it up against her chest.
"Flash, I am coming, I come." Ashley murmured with a sigh and a smile.
Shepard raised her head. "What's that?"
"It's Tennyson. Not sure that this is exactly what he was talking about, but it sprang to mind."
Shepard nuzzled Ashley's neck. "He sounds like a perv."
Ashley reached back and playfully swatted Shepard. "You're one to talk."
"You love it."
"You know it."
