A/N: I'm totally veering from canon here, but I couldn't imaging Shep and Ash seeing each other after so long and then just walking away after 2 minutes. I'd sure as hell want more time to talk (or whatever) if I were either one of them.
They didn't get there in time. The Collectors still managed to leave the colony with at least half the population. Unfortunately they left behind a cowardly whiner who was still complaining about Shepard's inability to pull a miracle out of her ass.
Miranda Lawson had tired of the man, too. "If it wasn't for Shepard, you'd all be on board that ship."
The whiner cocked his head. "Shepard? Wait, I know that name. Some type of big Alliance hero."
Shepard felt like she'd been kicked in the chest when she heard a voice coming around the corner. "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. First human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a god, asshole. Apparently back from the dead."
Shepard could see nothing else. Could hear nothing else. Ashley stood in front of her. Her Ashley. Without any conscious thought, she rushed forward to meet her, crushing Ashley into her arms, burying her head into Ashley's neck, inhaling deeply. Shepard could only manage a muffled "Ash. . . It's you," before pressing her lips against Ashley's.
Ashley returned the kiss with the same fervor, until suddenly pulling away, shaking her head. In a small voice, she said, "No. . . I can't do this. I thought you were dead! I watched you fucking die."
Floating. Can't breathe. "I was. . . I did. Oh god, I'm so sorry."
"I heard rumors about someone claiming to be you, but I couldn't believe them. There's no way, I thought. . ." Ashley shook her head. "So explain this. How is it that you're standing here? How does that even happen?" Finally taking note of the insignia on Shepard's armor and on the uniforms of the two humans with her, she took a step back, crossing her arms in front of her. "Cerberus? Are you fucking kidding me? You disappear for two years and show up working for some terrorist group? Was it so easy to turn your back on the Alliance, Shepard?"
That fired Shepard up. "I don't work for them, Ashley. Right now they're working for me. They brought me back, Ash. After I died. They rebuilt me."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better? Are you even really Shepard? Or some Cerberus creation?" Ashley's eyes flashed with anger, tempered only a little by confusion.
Shepard sighed painfully. "Listen, Ash. I don't have much time. Let's find somewhere quiet and let me try to explain."
Ashley tightened her arms around her chest. "I don't know, Shepard. I. . . You're with Cerberus. I can't. . ."
"Fifteen minutes, Ashley. Please." Shepard almost begged.
Before she could answer, Lawson broke in. "We don't have fifteen minutes, Shepard. We need to get back to the Normandy now."
Shepard's eyes flared and she whipped around to look at the Cerberus operative, taking a step towards her. "You don't fucking own me, Miranda. This is my ship, my mission, my decisions, my orders. If I say I need fifteen minutes, I get fifteen goddamn minutes. Am I clear?"
Lawson returned Shepard's glare for but a moment, before lowering her eyes and muttering something to the man next to her about what the Illusive Man might or might not like.
Shepard took Ashley by the elbow, afraid any more contact would send the chief fleeing, and maneuvered her through the nearest open door into what appeared to be someone's living quarters. Locking the door behind them, she sat down on a nearby sofa, gesturing beside her in hopes that Ashley would sit with her for this conversation. Ashley carefully sat next to her, not too close but not too far, either.
Before she could speak, Ashley began, "I haven't heard from you in over two fucking years, Shepard. And now you just show up out of the blue, expecting me to fall into your arms. What the fuck? Two years, Shepard. Two years that you couldn't be bothered to let me know you were alive."
"That's not fair, Ash. I spent two years unconscious on a table god knows where. I only just rejoined the world a few weeks ago. First chance I got, I went to the Citadel, looking for you. . ."
Shepard removed her armored gauntlets, setting them down on the floor next to her. She looked carefully into Ashley's eyes, and slowly lifted a hand to Ashley's jaw, caressing her cheek with a rough thumb. Ashley's gloved fingers reached up to grip Shepard's wrist, but she made no move to halt the touch.
"Oh god, Ash. I've wanted nothing more than to see you, talk to you, touch you, feel you. Nobody would tell me where you were or how you were doing. I couldn't even get Anderson to give me any information. There is so much I want to say. . ."
"Shepard, we can't - "
"Why not? Why the fuck not?"
"YOU WERE DEAD. After you promised. . . How can I know what Cerberus did to you? How can I know it's still you?"
Shepard flinched as if struck. She lowered her eyes and removed her hand from Ashley's face. She slowly stood, and began deliberately removing her armor piece by piece, keeping her gaze at her feet. When her armor in a neat pile on the floor, she began peeling off her compression gear. First the shirt, then the briefs. Finally, she stood stripped bare, body and soul, hands at her side. Raising eyes wet with unshed tears to meet Ashley's, she said quietly, "It's just me. Only me. This is who I am. The same me I was before. The same me who loves you."
Ashley appeared to contemplate what Shepard had just said before rising to her feet and taking off her own gloves. She stood before Shepard, taking her face into her hands, looking into her eyes, voicing her thoughts.
"I want it to be you. Oh god, how I want it to be you."
"It's me," Shepard said simply.
"I mourned you. For two years. I fucking buried you, and then I mourned you." Ashley's jaw was tightly clenched, with tears threatening to spill from her eyes.
"I'm so sorry. I wish I could fix that. I would never want to hurt you. Ever. I know it's unfair to just show up like this - I never would have planned it this way. Cerberus did put me back together, Ash. But I don't owe them shit - I never asked for them to do anything. I didn't make any deals with them, I swear it. I'm pretty sure they have a different objective than I do, but I don't care. I'm doing what I need to do, using their ship, their intel, their personnel. But they don't fucking own me. I need to use whatever I can to take down the Collectors. I couldn't convince the Alliance or the Council to help. I'm on my own, and this is all I have." Shepard stopped to take a breath. The torrent of words was most likely the longest speech Shepard had ever made, but she had to convince Ashley. She needed for her to know.
Shepard took a small step forward, closing the gap between them and taking Ashley's hands into her own. "Ash, you were my first thought when I woke. You are my first thought every morning, and my last thought every night. Anderson wouldn't even tell me where you were, and it's been killing me. To see you now is more than I could have hoped for, but to see the doubt in your eyes. . ." Shepard dropped Ashley's hands, backing up to open up space between them again. "It's really me," she finished quietly. "I said I'd always come back to you. I know it took a while, but I did my best." She turned to pick up her compression gear.
Ashley could only look at her, clearly torn.
"Your hair is longer."
Shepard stopped and turned back, caught off guard by the non sequitur. "Yes." She self-consciously tucked a few errant strands behind her ears. "It's kind of a pain in the ass. I don't know how you deal with it."
"I like it." Ashley fell silent again. Shepard waited a moment, and when she realized that was the end of the conversation, she once again bent to gather up her clothes, tears clouding her vision.
Ashley continued to stare at Shepard, contemplating. With a start, Ashley began pawing at her own armor, trying unsuccessfully to remove it. The movement caught Shepard's attention, causing her to drop her clothes and face Ashley again. Her eyes cleared, and she reached over to help Ashley unfasten and remove her chestplate. After casting it aside, Ashley grabbed Shepard by the back of her head, pulling her in for a hungry kiss, stopping only to continue to remove the rest of her armor.
Clad now only in her compression gear, Ashley wrapped her arms around Shepard, renewing the kiss. Shepard's hands sought out the bottom of Ashley's shirt, pulling it over Ashley's head. Shepard walked Ashley back two steps to the couch, lowering them both down so that she lay atop Ashley, chest to chest, eyes locked together.
"I've missed you, Ash. Without you beside me, I feel like I've lost a part of myself."
"It really is you, isn't it?"
"Yes." Shepard kissed her. "Please don't ever doubt that. Or how I feel about you. I love you, Ash. I've never stopped loving you."
Ashley's arms circled Shepard and she breathed deeply. "I love you, too, Sloane," she whispered as her hands moved feverishly along Shepard's body. Shepard felt a burst of warmth flooding her chest at the sound of her name on her lover's lips. Ashley nuzzled Shepard's neck, biting and sucking at the sensitive spots she knew so well.
Shepard responded eagerly, one hand tangled in Ashley's hair, the other snaking down Ashley's side towards her hip, encountering the marine's compression pants. With a frustrated noise and a muttered complaint about something interfering with her sexy moves, she used both hands to peel them down, dropping them next to the couch.
Shepard's hands cupped Ashley's breasts, thumbs moving over hardening nipples. As she dipped her head down to kiss Ashley again, they were startled by a firm knock at the door.
"Shepard! Your fifteen minutes are up. Let's go."
Shepard's head snapped to the direction of the interruption. "Fuck off, Lawson," she snarled through the locked door. "The chief and I aren't done with our discussion yet."
"We don't have time for this, Shepard. How much longer?"
"I'll be done when I'm done, Operative. Go find a shady spot with Taylor and spend some time remembering your place in the chain of command."
"We'll talk about this later, Shepard," came the irritated reply.
Shepard turned back to Ashley with a sly smile. "Guess we only get a boot camp quickie, marine." Fortunately for them, desire and need combined with practiced touches allowed them to quickly find the release they both hungered for.
As they lay tangled and sweaty on the narrow couch a too-short time later, Shepard kissed Ashley tenderly murmuring, "I wish I had more time with you, Ash. You deserve more than a quick fuck on a borrowed couch. And there is still so much I want to say. Dammit, I just need more time. Can you come with me?"
Ashley sighed remorsefully. The moment of frenzied passion had passed and reality was setting back in. "I want nothing more, Sloane. I just. . . I can't. The Alliance has me on a critical assignment. I can't walk away from that right now. Duty calls, and all that shit."
Shepard nodded silently, blinking to keep the tears threatening at the corners of her eyes at bay. Voice just above a hoarse whisper, she said, "Duty. I understand that more than most, I suppose. But I don't know if I can do this without you, Ashley. Even if you can't come with me, I need to know if. . . I need to know that I have something to come back to. Someone to come back to. Can we still be. . . us? Can you forgive me for leaving you?"
Ashley choked back a sob. "I don't know what there is to forgive. But I need some time. This. . . this is a lot to process. I can't pretend that I didn't lose you. I never stopped loving you, but you were gone. And with you back from the dead. . . I need time to wrap my head around it. It might only be a few weeks for you, but it's been years for me. I can't just flip a switch and go back."
Shepard held Ashley close. "I wish it was easier, Ash. Can we at least try?"
Tightening her arms around Shepard, Ashley replied, "When you're done with the Collectors, come back to me. We can try. I just. . . I just don't want to lose you again, Sloane. The first time almost killed me."
One more kiss, and they both reluctantly reached for clothes and armor. Aware that they were down to their last few moments, Shepard's words came out in a rush.
"Ashley, I know my connection to Cerberus is going to be a problem for the Alliance, especially for a Williams. I understand we won't have many chances to even talk while I'm chasing down the Collectors. I'm going to try to figure out a way, though, if that's okay with you. I'll keep any Cerberus stink off of you, I promise."
Ashley nodded, unwilling to trust her voice.
"Can I ask one more thing? I'd like to let my mom know I'm not dead. But I don't want to associate her with Cerberus, either. If you could figure out where she's serving now - "
Ashley interrupted with a small smile. "I know where she is, Shepard. We talk all the time."
Shepard's eyes widened in surprise. "Seriously? How did that happen?"
"I did get to meet her on the Citadel. It just wasn't like we'd planned."
Shepard dropped her head, her eyes pinched tight to shut out the pain. "Oh. Right. Shit, Ash. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine."
"I know. She's really great, though. But you already know that."
"Next time you talk, can you let her know that I'm okay? And that I'm not a traitor? I don't want her to be disappointed in me."
Ashley nodded again.
Before pulling their gloves back on, Shepard held both of Ashley's hands once more, kissing the palm of each one almost reverently. Turning her eyes up to Ashley's face, Shepard said, "I love you, Ashley."
"I love you, Sloane," Ashley replied, as a single tear fell down her cheek.
Wiping away the tear with a rough thumb, Shepard wrapped her other hand around the back of Ashley's head, tangling her fingers in the dark hair and bringing her mouth down for a deep kiss. Gasping for air, she touched her forehead to Ashley's, promising, "I will come back to you."
"You'd better, Skipper. I'll be waiting."
OoOoO
After smoothing their hair as best they could with gloved hands, and sneaking in a few quick kisses, Shepard and Ashley rejoined Lawson and the rest of Shepard's ground team. As Shepard headed toward her shuttle, she turned back for one last look at Ashley. She mouthed a final I love you, receiving the same in return.
I am still hers. I hope she is still mine.
