Chapter 12

SPOV

As I woke in the morning I felt a bit better, not brilliant and knew it would be a few days before I felt anywhere near to normal. As I turned, I got a shock because fast asleep in the chair was Les, hell had it been Les who had helped me through the coughing fit during the night? He must be shattered if he'd been there the whole night long. As I moved the covers back to head to the bathroom he woke up and yawned.

"You okay Beautiful?"

"Yeah, have you been there long?"

"Long enough"

"Thanks Les"

"No problem"

I went through to the bathroom and was pleased when I returned to the bedroom to find that Les had left the room, which meant I could get changed without an audience. I found some jeans and a sweater in the closet surprised at the choice of clothes I had. I assumed Ella was responsible for making that happen. I had no inclination to put on a Rangeman uniform. I didn't think I belonged here and as soon as I could I'd have to get myself back to my apartment and work, work to pay the rent and buy a car.

I could smell coffee coming from the door and found Les in the kitchen busy pouring two mugs out and starting to serve breakfast from a tray I presume Ella had brought in.

"I brought the phones down, they're on the coffee table with their chargers"

"Thanks Les, maybe this morning I'll make some calls"

"Well you have until 11 before visiting time"

I smiled at that and started to eat the bacon and eggs that Ella had brought in, noting that Les was eating the same as me. Once he'd finished, he tidied both our plates onto the tray and disappeared out of the door. I sat down with the burn phone in my hands desperate to talk with Emci, I needed to know that she was okay out there. I found her latest call and pressed the call button waiting for her to answer surprised when the dialing tone hardly kicked in.

"Emci are you okay?"

"Yes, what happened to you Steph?"

"I was really ill and well, Ranger found me and got me some medical attention"

"Are you better now, what was wrong?"

"Pneumonia, and yes I'm getting better"

"Where are you?"

"At Rangeman"

"On Haywood Street?"

"Yes. Emci are you all right or do you need to come here to be safe?"

"I don't need to do that. I am trying to work out what to do next"

"Do you need my help?"

"No, but if I do, I will call you"

"Okay, Emci stay in touch"

"Always"

I still couldn't figure out who she was, but she seemed so sincere and genuine that I liked her, a lot. I put that phone down and picked up the other noting a few messages had come in so went for another coffee before facing what these would say to me. The first was from Joe, which surprised me.

"Hey Cupcake, just to let you know I've settled in New York, work is good and the place I have is close by. Cupcake I'm sorry for having a go at you, but I think what happened was a wakeup call for me. I miss you and really want you here with me. Please get back to me. Love you"

How did I feel about that? Relief was there but I wasn't too sure if he was just saying the words he thought I would want to hear. Then as I thought it through, I remembered our past history and all the breakups we'd had. Sure, he'd apologize for shouting at me but wasn't that always the way it worked, he'd shout then apologize and we'd end up back together.

Would I accept his apology now, after all he'd used almost the same words as Ranger had? So why should I be more inclined to accept Joe's apology more than Ranger's, why had Ranger hurt me more? Then it hit me, because Ranger meant more to me than Joe had or ever would. Ranger's words had broken through my defenses that I always tried to have in place around my heart, like a shard of ice slicing into it. Whereas with Joe I never had the intense feelings for him to hurt me as deeply. Definitely something to think about. But Ranger would have to work very hard to get us back to where we had been before, to remove that shard from my heart.

The fact that Joe just assumed that words would make everything okay and that I'd go to him made me realize that he had never understood me. I sighed and looked back at my phone and read that the next message was from my mother, ah hell what on earth could she say that would hurt me anymore than she'd already said.

"Stephanie, it's your mother here. No one knows where you are. Mrs. Kranstack's daughter doesn't walk out on her and disappear. I have pineapple upside down cake for you"

I sat and looked at the phone confused with the message my mother had left, it sounded like something she would say but her tone was different, and I knew that to her the mention of cake was probably her way of apologizing. Was that really the message behind what she'd said? On an impulse I pressed to return the call hoping desperately I'd done the right thing.

"Plum residence"

"Hi Mum"

"Stephanie, is that really you?"

"Yes, why?"

"I was so worried about you and after you left and I'd said those words. I didn't know what to do, and when no one had seen you and you hadn't called I just needed to know you were all right"

"I'm fine now Mum"

"Are you coming for dinner?"

"I've been a bit ill so let me get over it and I'll give you call"

"Do you need me to come over?"

"No, I'm at a friend's place and they're looking after me"

"Okay, well if you need anything call me"

The tears were in my eyes before the call had finished, hell she must have been worried about me to do that. Maybe things were looking up.

The last was a text message from Mary Lou "Call me". To some extent I was more worried about this one, Mary Lou and I had been friends for years and her opinion of me really mattered. I closed my eyes as I pressed the number for Mary Lou, in some ways I was hoping she wouldn't be in and I could just leave a message to say I'd called, but that wasn't going to happen as I heard the phone being answered.

"Hey Lou"

"Steph, oh I'm so pleased you called, Steph I am so sorry for last week, I don't know why I said what I said to you, please say you're not mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you Lou"

"Hell, I was so worried when you hadn't called and then no one had seen you. Are you doing okay, hon?"

"I've been a bit off color so just taking a bit of time to myself"

"Good for you"

We talked for about ten minutes, mainly about what was happening in the Burg. Lou didn't mention anything about Joe or Ranger, so I didn't either. When the call had finished, I felt lighter in myself, as though some of the problems weighing me down had been lifted off me.

I went through and poured out the cold coffee and replaced it with a hot one and went back to the couch surprised when there was a message from Emci.

"Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say they're sorry and an even stronger person to forgive"

I read what she'd sent over a few times and decided maybe she was right, it was often easier to say sorry than it was to truly forgive someone and I felt that with the three people today I had moved to the stage of forgiving them, could I do that with Ranger? I just didn't know.

The day went quicker than I thought it would do. Tank came to see me and gave me all the details of how he'd beat up Ranger, though I didn't really want to know. I asked about his cats which were doing really well and then he asked where Rex was. I hadn't thought much about Rex since that night, I mean I got kidnapped not long after. At least I was there to bury the little guy, but it took Tank holding me to stop the tears.

Luckily for Tank Ella came to his rescue, she brought us all some lunch of sandwiches and cookies which I noticed Tank enjoy. Once finished she handed Tank the tray and shoved him out of the room then proceeded to give my nails a manicure. I really enjoyed that time with Ella, in some ways she was a mum and sister rolled into one, a relationship I'd never had before. Les was with me for dinner and we sat afterwards watching a film, at one stage I almost asked him about his bedroom but then suddenly remembered I'd taken, no really I'd stolen money from his house, Whilst I still had nearly $100 left I would have to go to the bank tomorrow and make it up in order to return it to him. Then with thinking about money I also worried that my rent was due on my apartment. I had to get back working soon before my debts got too big, because this time I had nothing I could sell to raise the money.

Les noticed that I wasn't really watching the film and assumed it was because I was tired so kissing my head, he said he'd see me in the morning. I quickly tried to log onto my bank account, but the dam thing wouldn't let me in, so it was with that worry that I went to bed.

Needless to say, sleep didn't come easily, I was tossing and turning and in between coughing. I'd just managed to settle when I was sure there was someone in the room, in fact close to the bed, turning quickly I came face to face with Ranger. Neither of us said anything and I watched as he placed a card on the pillow on the bed and as he walked out of the room. The look on his face wasn't his usual, no blank face was evident, in fact I could almost say he looked lost, his eyes didn't hold the sparkle they usually had.

Once I heard the apartment door close, I turned over to switch on the bedside light and picked up the card, reading what was written. I recognized the neat script writing as his and read what he'd written twice before I held it in my hand next to my heart. What do you do when someone writes something like this to you?

"How do I say the words I'm sorry

when I know the words are not enough.

And how can I ask you to forgive me

when I can't forgive myself"

I kept thinking about what Emci had said and the shard of ice in my heart started to melt, I knew he regretted what had happened and maybe we were both too quick to judge each other. He'd flown into a rage and I was so hurt and angry as well at what he'd said. The thing was that I knew I loved him which is why it hurt so much. Could I be stronger and forgive him, give us the chance to go back to how we were?

We both needed to allow each other to forgive and move on from this, the good times and actions that we had done for each other must out way this one big meltdown and if I could think about forgiving Morelli then I could forgive Ranger.

I knew it was late, but I got up from my bed and went to the internal phone and rang through to the monitoring room. Luckily it was Cal that answered, and he didn't say anything when I asked him where Ranger was. I quietly opened the door and made my way to the elevator; Cal would see me and override the elevator to take me up to seven. I was wearing short-sleeved button up top and matching half-mast trousers made from a simple pale blue material, so I was confident my attire wasn't inappropriate.

Once the doors opened on seven, I hesitated but looking once more at the card gripped tightly in my hand I moved forward and knocked lightly on the door. I just hoped that Ranger had really meant what he had said, I wasn't sure what I was going to say, hell I hadn't even thought that far forward yet and took in a breath as the door opened.

I didn't move, I just stood there looking down at the floor but when he stepped toward me and held me in his arms, I knew I had done the right thing. There was no point in making him fight for forgiveness it was mine to give and I wanted to give it. I felt us move inside the door and heard it close, but he still just held onto me, my arms went around his waist and the feelings that burst from me caused the tears to fall, shit I hadn't meant to cry. I felt as he lifted me and as he walked through to the bedroom, as he laid me down on the bed and with the covers over us pulled me to him. There was no need for words between us and as his hand gently rubbed circles on my back the crying subsided and my eyes closed allowing me to sleep peacefully.