Just Misunderstood
Chapter 23
I'm Home
The amethyst dragon slayer led the golden one to the entrance to his shrine, they stood just outside the torii gate, his heartbeat hard, his face turning red from both fear and excitement. There was a dull ache in his chest, a painful but pleasant feeling. He felt like he was here yesterday, but everything was a faded memory, but he also remembered so much. As soon as he opened his red chest, it seemed, like everything was right again. He was home. But he couldn't help a sickening feeling in his gut, he had been gone for so long, what would his old friends say? What would the lord of the southern lands say? And, if his mother was still alive, what would she say?
He swallowed his pride and fear and everything he needed to and tapped his sandals against the stone step, he gracefully stepped up each step, passing through the torii gate that stood high, guarding the entrance of the shrine. He heard Lucy behind him, she tapped her shoes as well. There was an unspoken tension in the air like she was afraid to breathe the wrong way. He couldn't blame her, for he almost felt the same way. They reached the top of the stairs and he smiled. It was exactly how he remembered it, he looked at Lucy and she smiled as well, astonished by the beauty of everything around her. She wanted to know everything, she wanted to know the names of every building, every custom, she had never thought much about the island nation of Rozu but now that she was here, she couldn't believe she had been so indifferent. She also was mad about how careless she had been, but now, she couldn't help but love it.
after all, it was the birthplace of the man she-
She coughed.
-warmth filled the air-
"This is the temizuya, it's at the entrance to shrine's innermost grounds and is a place to purify the body before entering. Here visitors wash their hands and mouth with the water in an act of ritual purification," Cobra said as he gestured to a small pavilion, they stepped to it, "You take this long-handled cup called a hishaku in your right hand first, you scoop some water," he demonstrated as he explained, "rinse your left hand, then switch hands and do it again. Then put the dipper back in your right hand and then use your left to bring some water to your mouth," he did so, "then you hold the dipper upright to let the remaining water rinse the handle, then put it back."
Lucy nodded and picked the hishaku up and did exactly what he did, looking at him in question, he looked at her blankly, "Oh, did I do it wrong?" She winced.
"No," he trailed off, "I don't know, it's weird… but it's exciting seeing you here doing what I grew up doing," he turned away and a smile crossed his face, he almost ran, "Ah! These are tōrō!" He rested his hand on one, "Kara, Ryian, and I were playing around here and we broke one of these! Man…. my mom was so pissed!"
Lucy giggled and followed him, he saw the nine stone lanterns, four on one side and five on the other, she guessed the one missing was the one they broke. She giggled with him, "Kara and Ryian?" Cobra smiled warmly and red rushed to Lucy's face, as wind blew around them and the cold air chilled her skin, she saw the face of her mother when Lucy would draw her a picture; she saw her father, when her mother would kiss him slyly, she saw herself her last day at Fairy Tail. She saw love, but limitless heartbreak.
"Kara… she was my friend. Karada, she was this short little crybaby, she was a year younger than me, she used to follow me around like a puppy dog, and we spent a lot of time together. She had this, long, long black hair, and honey-kissed eyes," a faraway look was in his eyes, "And Ryian, well, he was my cousin, my mother's brother's son. He was a few months older than I, he was rough and fun. Always covered in dirt and refused to wear shoes. Eventually, mom just stopped putting him in hakama and yukatas, he ruined too many, she just stuck him in some long pants and a cotton shirt," he smiled, "Anyway, they were my best friends growing up, well until I was eleven."
Lucy looked away as he sighed in contempt, "He was taken by the tower too," Lucy's heart stopped, "But he was killed not long after arriving, and I was alone for a while," he looked towards the sky, "but then I met Cubellios," he patted her head from where she was wrapped around his arm within his sleeve, "I haven't been alone since."
Lucy inhaled but didn't know what to say, no words came to mind. She could just look at him with, not pity, but, empathy, regret, sorrow. He straightened up and blew air from his mouth, "Anyway," he pointed to the ground where a path was led through the shrine, "The path itself is called Sando, and that pavilion over there," he pointed to a building on the left, a little further back than the temizuya had been, "Is the kagura-den, that is where… shrine maidens, Mikos, would perform the sacred kagura dance," he smiled, "My mother could do it beautifully."
They continued down the Sando, "To the right is just the housing, it's supposed to be the administrative office, like a lot of bigger shrines have on the northern side. But after a few months after it was built, it was proven useless so we turned it into a live-in area for us, so we wouldn't have to travel so far."
Lucy nodded and stopped, she gazed at a long wooden pavilion; it housed hundreds of wooden plaques, all hanging from jumbled hooks, "What are these?"
Cobra stepped to her side and smiled, "The ema, these plaques," he touched one softly, "They bear people's wishes and prayers."
He stepped away, already talking about messha, small auxiliary shrines to the far left. But Lucy saw three plagues, worn with age and weather, pushed to the side, all on their own hooks like everyone knew not to crowd them with others. She lightly grazed the one on the right, she spoke the words aloud, "I wish to be with Erik and Kara forever, may we all play and run and live together, may Erik and Kara be happy, and may Kamishi finally confess her so obvious feelings for me, all this chasing is getting me tired. Thank you and graciously accept my prayer, Ryian Tashirosaki," Lucy giggled and her heartfelt warmth.
She looked to the next, reading it aloud as well, "I wish to marry Erik, and to forever be by his side," Lucy paused, "Karada Nanase."
Lucy stopped breathing for a second, she looked to the last one, in sloppy but legible handwriting it said, "I plead to always, always, always be with Kara and Ryian, I plan to make Kara my wife, so we can all be a family. And so she will always be by my side. And I can always make her smile…." Lucy trailed off, "Erik Tashirosaki," it was a mere whisper.
She shook her head quickly, that had been over fifteen years ago, and, and, who was Cobra too her? Why did seeing these old plaques hanging there, with those words and those feelings… make her feel like she was nothing but a slight breeze in his life; like she was nothing more than a single drop of light? She held her chest, and why did feeling like that hurt her so?
She turned to see Cobra watching her from afar, his hand in his sleeve, he walked over and with a small smile, "Do you wanna write one? I can go grab some," he almost ran off, before she could answer. Lucy glanced back at the three plaques.
"Hello?" A sweet voice almost made her jump out of her skin.
Lucy turned quickly to see a beautiful woman. She may have been just a little older than herself, she had long ebony hair, down to below her waist even pulled up into a ponytail, she had honey-colored hazel eyes, and her golden skin held a dewy and radiant glow. She wore an outfit similar to Cobra's, just without the long jacket; red, thick baggy pants, she couldn't remember what Cobra had called them, and a loose white kimono tucked into them, "Hello," Lucy said slowly.
The girl smiled, "I'm Nanase, the shrine maiden, I don't believe I have seen you around here before, are you perhaps from the northern villages?" She said with a smile.
Lucy opened her mouth and glanced around, she probably looked stupid, "Uh, yeah, I have a friend from here and he was showing me around," she finally said.
"Okay! Welcome! I'm sorry I'm just not used to having new visitors, especially this early in the morning on a day as cold as this," she said with a cheery smile, "Oh, and forgive me, for I have never traveled north, is golden hair common there? It's absolutely beautiful!"
Lucy blushed and stuttered, "Uh, it is not too common I believe, but thank you," she touched her hair and Nanase smiled, but as her eyes settled on the flower hairpin they widened.
"If you don't mind me asking where did you get that hairpin?" She asked.
Lucy opened her mouth but was silenced when two wooden plagues hit the ground, she turned to see Cobra, and her heart stopped. Two plagues laid in front of him and his eyes were wide, Nanase turned and her honey eyes met Cobra's. She dropped the basket of apples she had been holding, the red fruit rolling around on the Sando path. Lucy watched as Nanase's eyes filled with tears, her hands were brought up to cover her mouth.
"Erik?" Came her muffled cry.
The words came slow, but barely above a whisper, "Kara?"
She ran forward and threw herself at Cobra. The Miko wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder. His gaze found Lucy's and it felt like centuries before he wrapped his arms around Kara's waist. Lucy wondered why it took him so long. The air was tense and cold, the only sound was Kara's quiet sobs and the rigid wind through the leaves.
Lucy shivered and could not ignore the subtle but persistent feeling of being so out of place. She looked at the ground, her chest felt hollow and her eyes stung. She reached to her hair and pulled the flower pin from her bun, it slipped down, her hair falling in waves across her shoulders. It was still damp. She was cold. Lucy looked up again and Cobra was watching her, his eyes widened and his eyebrows creased in question. She flinched as she felt tears slide down her face, she stepped back and wiped her cheeks, her breath halted but her heart raced violently. Why was she crying?
Cobra gently pushed Kara away and Lucy choked on a sob as he stepped towards her, "Please don't," Lucy cried, more tears fell. Her gaze caught Kara's as her tear-filled face showed her confusion. Lucy shook her head again, "stop," she whispered. She knew what Cobra was going to do, he had the same expression on his face the night…. The night Brain had been killed. She saw that same look now, and she pleaded to every god there was, is, or ever could have been, that he didn't do it, not in front of Karada. Not in front of the girl that has loved him far longer than Lucy ever could.
-they had loved each other-
Cobra stepped forward and looked down at her, not a shred of hatred or resentment in his eyes. He stood just a breath away, she could feel his warmth despite the frosty chill. He reached down and gently grabbed the hairpin from her hand, her skin was cold. He looked at the flower with an indescribable gaze, almost, like… like he looked at Lucy sometimes, when they were alone, no one else watching, it was always a content but jaded expression. He cupped her cheek and Lucy heard Kara intake a sharp breath, he ran his hand backward, through her hair. He pushed the pin into her golden waves, tucking the long strands into it. He pushed the bangs from her teary face.
"Erik?" Kara's breathy voice drifted to their ears. Lucy jumped and went to step away from him. But Cobra's eyebrows creased and he almost growled, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to his chest. Lucy froze and she clenched her eyes shut, she knew the look on Kara's face, she had seen it on her father the day her mother had died, she had seen it on Loke the day she told him he was nothing but a spirit, she knew she had worn it when she read those plaques…. and saw Cobra do the same to Kara he is doing right now. But as boundless sorrow filled her heart, she wrapped her arms around his back. She wondered why it took her so long. She grabbed the thick material of his hakama and opened her eyes slowly. Lucy saw Karada's heartbreak, and the blonde mage looked towards the sky at the beauty around her and found resentment in her heart, and she wished, prayed, pleaded that she was somewhere else right now, anywhere else.
~JM~
The minutes that followed were unbearable, Cobra stepped away from Lucy, his face red and his ears burning, Lucy's body still trembled from her cries. He ran his hand down her arm, finding her fingers, he held her hand tightly as he turned to Kara. Hand in hand Cobra, like a little kid announced, "Karada Nanase! I have a lot of explaining to do! I apologize for being gone for so long and I will tell you everything about what you want to know," he bowed, and stood straight, tightening his grip on Lucy's hand, "This is Lucy Heartfilia. I met her and we are traveling together and she is important. I know we once had a promise to each other and I'm sorry but I can not fulfill that promise. I hope you could forgive me."
Kara wiped her face and a small smile graced her beautiful features, "Erik, I have loved you my entire life, and I wanted to marry you, but that was a long time ago," she lifted her hand, a silver wedding ban was on her ring finger, "I married Shiro a while ago," she said with a bright smile.
"Married? Mikos can't marry-," he was cut off.
"They changed the rules after Rose's funeral," her hand quickly shot up to cover her mouth, her eyes wide.
Lucy winced as he tightened his grip on her hand, she saw his eyes wide and his brows creased, he looked down. "I… she was still young? She passed? When?"
Kara tilted her head as she pressed a hand to her chest, "She was alone Erik, both you and her dad were gone, along with Ryian. Shortly after her brother died too, she just had nothing. Her body became weak and she passed the shrine to Shiro and I. We were only fourteen, but Shiro and I fell in love and when I was sixteen… she passed in her sleep, it was then that the elders changed the rules, they had decided that Rose would have wanted that, they felt bad because they never allowed her and Vincent to marry, I think they thought that allowing me to marry… they felt as though they were apologizing to Rose," she wiped a tear away, "I'm so sorry Erik."
Lucy's eyes widened and she looked to Cobra again, she touched the hairpin in her hair softly, "Your mother…" Lucy whispered.
"I lied to you, Lucy…" His voice came quietly, it was shaky and broken, her heart dropped to her stomach at his words, "I did return once, to see how she was doing, to make sure everyone was okay, I was sixteen. I saw her tending to flowers outside by the messha, and, she looked great," his voice broke, "She looked beautiful. Her hair long and braided, her skin glowed, she looked healthy, young, gorgeous," his breath was hard to find, "What… what happened?"
"She had good days, great days, but the bad days…. They were horrible. There were nights I thought maybe it would be better if she did just pass, she was in so much pain, so miserable," Kara's voice was cut off by a sob, "And I think, it just finally got to her, she felt so alone I think, no matter how much me and Shiro were there for her, she missed you, and you father, she… took some herbs, and she drifted off in her sleep…" Kara finished slowly.
Cobra shook his head, "She… killed herself?" His hands trembled, "If I had come back…. I thought I was protecting her, all of you, keeping you out of all of this… but," he looked at Lucy with a watery gaze, "It's my fault."
Lucy's body shook with a sob as she jumped up to hug Cobra, her feet off the ground, she wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed him tight, "No! It isn't! Don't ever say that!" He hugged her back. Cobra felt Kara on his back, she hugged him as well, her arm around Lucy.
He thought about his mother, and how his heart ached, he wondered how she must have felt, how sad she must have been to end her own life, he missed her, he had always missed her, now he will always miss her, for the rest of his life.
Erik buried his face in Lucy's hair, he smelled her scent and remembered that night where he had slept in her bed, where he had missed her. He never wanted to feel that way again, he never wanted to see her make a face like she had again. He never wanted her to feel heartbreak of any kind ever again. He also never, ever, wanted to feel a regret like the one he held for his mother. But as he stood there, with a lot of pain in his heart, he felt warm, as Lucy clung to his front and Kara to his back. It was the first time in a while Cobra had felt safe, he had felt loved.
