In Which Xanaria Tells of Love
The spring sun was pleasant and the light breeze sweet. I was 9 and my father was bringing me along for the first time to help him at the market. The wheels barely rattled as they rolled down the hard packed dirt road. My father chatted cheerfully about what it would be like. Everything was wonderful, but with every turn of the wheels I became less excited and more nervous.
We hit the main road right behind another wagon and settled in to follow them. I glanced at my father, but he seemed unconcerned.
"Papa." I whispered to him. "Will they slow us down?"
"Nah," he answered and ruffled my hair. "Me and Charlie often end up here at the same time. Sometimes I'm in front, and sometimes he is, but we're well matched in speed and it's nice to have someone around in case of trouble." My father raised his voice a bit, "Even if he has a terrible singing voice!"
"Yeah, you're one to talk, Sha!" I heard float back to us over the covered cart. "You make up random words and then are surprised when people can't follow quickly enough!"
I giggled. "He's right Papa. You do do that!"
That was when she appeared around the edge of the cart, balancing on the plank of wood that edged it with poise and grace. Her dusty tan rabbit's ears were perked up and her eyes were big and soft and almost solid black. She held onto the wagon with one hand as she waved cheerfully.
"Hi, Mr. Down River."
"How do you do, my Lady Up River." He replied with a nod tapping his hat.
"Effervescently!" She declared.
"Charlie, your daughter's making up words again!"
"No, she learned that one from a traveling scholar who bought a night in our stable loft last week."
"Charlie, your daughter is making me feel stupid again!"
Lupe and I almost collapsed giggling at that, and a deep belly laugh sounded from the other cart.
When we had settled down my father put a hand on my head. "Lupe, this is my daughter, Xanaria. Ri, this is Lupe. She lives a couple miles upriver from us."
"Pleased to meet you." I mumbled ducking my head.
"Hi!" She hopped off her dad's cart and walked beside ours to shake my hand.
"What does effervescently mean?" I asked tentatively.
"Glowy." She said with firm conviction. "Come on! You should say hi to my dad."
I looked at my own father who smiled and nodded. So I hopped down from the cart, and Lupe seized my hand to pull me around to the front of her cart. The mules weren't moving faster than walking speed so it was easy to catch up.
Lupe's father was a cheerful man, tall and wiry with ambiguous feline whiskers on his cheeks and above his eyes. He waved at me as Lupe said "Dad this is Ri, Sha's daughter! She came with him this week!"
I scowled at the nickname.
"Yes, I thought I heard something about that from way up here! Welcome to our caravan of two."
"I'm so glad you came!" Lupe told me. "You are going to love the market so much! It's so bright and beautiful and loud and busy!"
"That sounds terrifying." I told her a little concerned.
"Don't worry! I'll protect you!"
We giggled.
I don't remember what we talked about the rest of the way but even though we spent most of it walking it wasn't long enough. Before we even got to town we knew that we would be best friends for the rest of our lives.
She had a brilliant imagination and limitless energy. One autumn day after the harvest was in and when things were finally winding down, I got a free afternoon and I ran most of the way up the river to see if Lupe was free too. I was in luck and saw her coming down the river toward me. We were 11.
"My Lady of the forest!" She cried waving at me, "Where are you headed on your handsome charger!"
I grinned and waved back. "Just wandering. What about you? Can I join you?"
"Of course! As Princess of the Plains I can use all the help I can get to save my kingdom from a fearsome curse."
And we were off, we ran through the woods looking for the Three Artifacts of Purity that would dispel the curse.
The Amethyst Heart was the first one we found, delving down into the dark caverns of the dwarves and stealing it from their guarded mines. It was a roughly triangular piece of shale we had to dig out from under the edge of a big tree root.
Next we sought out the Sacred Herb of the Wind, climbing high into the palaces of the Feathered Fae and fighting off their vicious wind based attacks. We climbed an old maple tree, startling off some birds, and picked a long piece of hanging lichen.
Finally, and most dangerous of all, we swam down to the depth of the Endless Sea and brought back The Stone Dagger of the Night. It was a flat and oblong black rock we fished out of the river.
We brought them together on the Altar of the Ages, a fallen log, and Lupe sang the counter curse in the language of the dark witches, while I hummed accompaniment to the tune of my favorite lullaby.
As the evil witches fled we began to rejoice at our victory over the forces of darkness, but then Lupe's face fell. "Oh! What treachery is this?! While we were away an old and powerful dragon has moved into my palace!" She pointed a trembling hand at a twisted tree with a thick broken branch which, if you squinted, could look a little like an animal's muzzle.
"Oh no! A dragon! We should journey to the North and find a Prince to slay it!"
"What? No, princes are overrated, let me talk to it first."
Lupe began a great negotiation with the tree dragon, sending me for more and more offerings to appease it's appetites and tempt it to listen. At last she declared victory. The dragon would join her palace guard and give us rides whenever we wanted. She waded into the river and pulled out a stone with a shiny bit of shimmer to it.
"Xanaria," She said, with great gravity, "For your bravery and honor I present to you this medal of Honor and Bravery. Go forth my Knight Champion and make me proud."
We might have kept going but the light was beginning to fade, so we parted ways and headed home. I didn't stop smiling the whole way.
She was amazing with people, in ways I could never quite understand. She could get me to do anything. She could explain the world to people until they saw it differently. She gave people permission to be who they hadn't realized they wanted to be.
There was one market day when our fathers had given us a couple hours to ourselves. We were 14. They often did that after the rush died down but before we had to load up and head home. That day was a warm one and the streets got muggy down among the stalls.
"Why is it always so much hotter in town?" I grumbled, fanning ineffectually, at my face with one hand.
"No wind right now." Lupe said matter of factly, then she started to grin, "But you know where there's always a breeze?"
"Nope." I interrupted her.
"Up on top of the roofline…"
"Not going to happen."
"It'll be much cooler up there."
"It's way too dangerous!"
"I climb up all the time!"
"And I'm terrified for you every time."
"What if I found a route that was perfectly safe?"
"Your definition of safe leaves something to be desired."
"You would be much more comfortable up there, and I know you've been curious about the view."
"Well…"
"Awesome! Come on!"
And she took off through the buildings.
"Sleeping Goddess," I muttered, but of course I followed.
She dodged down an alley and ran around behind a row of shops. I didn't like the smell back there, but I had to admit it wasn't worse than the smells on the farm, just different.
Then she stopped suddenly. I almost bumped into her. She turned around and grinned at me expectantly. I looked at her blankly, and glanced around for a ladder or something. My eyes fell on a row of stacked crates that led to a balcony with a tall railing and spikes spaced seemingly at random along the gutters above.
"No way!" I said shaking my head and stepping back.
"Come on," she said. "It practically has stairs!"
"It has spikes!"
"Yeah but most of them are broken off and they make great handholds. It's perfectly safe! Come on I'll show you."
Without waiting for an answer she scampered up the crates. I had to admit they didn't seem as fragile once they had held her weight but I was not convinced.
"Umm…" I hesitated.
"Come on, my bounding doe, I believe in you." She reached down a hand. I stuck my tongue out at her, but she sounded so sincere that I hesitantly started up the crates. By the time I reached the balcony she had already made it to the roof. I gave the spikes a doubtful look.
They looked much farther away from up here.
"Look at that!" She said. "You are most of the way up. Just climb the railing and pull yourself up."
"Lupe, I'm not sure…"
"It'll be worth it. Trust me."
It was easy to forget how high up I already was when she looked at me like that. So I climbed the railing. I was shorter than her and couldn't get enough leverage to pull myself the rest of the way, but she grabbed my arms and helped haul me up. Before long I was lying on the roof, looking up at the sky.
"I knew you had it in you!" She was all smiles as she pulled me to my feet.
"I guess so." I didn't want to admit it felt pretty good.
"Come on, let's find a good spot."
She pulled me after her and we sat on the flat walkway the chimney sweeps used, looking out over the town at the forest beyond. Great holes and bare patches of farm studded the forest behind us and off to our right, but we were looking at Baron Grayson's forest where only the bravest poachers hunt and the trees were thick and uninterrupted as far as we could see. Beyond them rose a snow peaked mountain, impossibly far away. To the left we could see the sea and the docks the fishermen used.
A breeze ruffled my hair and I sighed happily.
"What was that?" Lupe looked around.
"I didn't say anything."
She shushed me and twitched her ears. I listened too and after a moment I heard it. Somewhere off to our right a puppy was yelping pathetically.
Lupe was on her feet before I finished processing what I was hearing. But when she took off down the roof I was right behind her. The houses were densely packed here and hopping from one to the next was a simple matter of following the chimney sweeps walkway. The yelping got clearer as we went. Before long we reached a steeper roof. You could walk on it if you were careful, but if we hadn't been on the Sweep Way I would have prefered to sit down and scoot across it rather than walk.
This was definitely where the puppy was. There was also a little boy here, maybe seven or eight years old. He was clinging to a chimney and sobbing quietly into it. The feathers that covered his head instead of hair were white, long, and ruffled. I looked around but I couldn't see the puppy.
"Hey," Lupe said gently, "What's wrong?"
"I - I- I let him slip!" The boy whimpered. "I let him slip and I tried to go after him and I can't! I'll fall!"
"It's okay. I'll get him, my friend can help you back up onto the Sweep Way. Okay?"
"M'kay." he whimpered, still without looking up.
"What's his name?"
"Aster." The boy hiccuped
"That's a good name for a puppy. And where is Aster?"
"He's in the gutter, he's right-" His fingers spasmed on the chiney and he faltered but then he stuck out one foot to point with his toes. "He's right there."
"Ah. I see him." She turned to me and nodded and then started to scoot toward the edge of the roof on her butt.
I took her place next to the boy. "I'm here." I told him. I tried to imitate her soft and gentle tone but I've never been as good with people as she always was. "I'm going to pull you up. It's just a couple feet, okay?"
"M'kay." He said but he clung tighter to the chimney.
I got an arm around his waist.
"I need you to let go now so I can pull you up."
"M'kay." But he didn't let go.
"I've got you. It'll be okay, come on."
"Mmmm'kay?" His fingers began to loosen and before he could change his mind I tugged him free of the chimney. He shrieked and dug his fingers into my arm in a most unhelpful way.
I flinched, but it really was just a couple of feet. Once I got him back to the Sweep Way it still took me a minute to get him to let go of me and he didn't uncurl until Lupe got back. She sat beside him and held out the wiggly puppy, who instantly started licking the boy's arm. Aster was small and would have been fluffy except he was absolutely caked with muck. He seemed to have forgotten already that anything out of the ordinary had happened today and in trying to clean his person's arm was mostly just making the boy dirtier.
The boy relaxed and uncurled instantly. "Aster!" He cuddled the happy puppy ignoring the mud smearing across his shirt. "Thank you!"
For the first time he looked up at us and surprise chased confusion across his face.
"But… but you're a bunny girl! Weren't you scared?" He sounded so astonished I bristled for her.
"You're an eagle boy, but you weren't brave." I snapped.
He cringed away from me, and I instantly felt guilty. He was just a little kid still.
"Xanaria! Don't be mean." She turned her best smile on him and he began to relax even before she started talking. "Of course I was a little nervous, but something you learn when you get older is that we aren't our animals. You can be anything you want. You don't have to play on roofs just because you've been told you're supposed to like heights. It's tricky learning what you like when people already think they know, but I'm sure you'll find a place to play that suits you and Aster very well." She ruffled his feathers a little.
He smiled up at her like she had brightened his whole universe. I flushed. I should have realized he had been thinking about himself and not her at all. Of course, if I had tried to say something like that he would have scoffed at me or ignored me, but when she spoke, it just sounded like the most obvious truth in the world.
"Thank you, brave bunny girl! Thank you!" And he scampered down the trap door that led into the house we stood on. It closed behind him with a solid thump.
She turned to me like nothing unusual had happened at all. "Let's find a flatter roof and sit down for a bit. We still have a little while before we'll need to head back."
We were 16 when things changed between us. Really, they had been changing for most of a year, but it's so hard to notice feelings you didn't know were possible. To realize something was true when you had never heard about it.
One early spring day we were walking up and down the river bank. Winter was still clinging along the river's edges and in puddles, where the slower water let the ice grow. We knew that with spring coming soon there would be less free time so we were making the most of it, despite the cold.
I was bundled up warmly, with my hands in my mothers hand-me-down mittens, and both hands and mittens were shoved deep in my coat pockets. My hat was tied firmly under my chin. The hat was new. Mother had knitted it with little slits in the sides for my ears and strings going up to a pair of smaller caps that kept the top halves of my long ears warm while still letting me hear. Lupe had laughed herself silly the first time she had seen me wearing a hat like that, but I ignored her. I loved them. Until Mother had figured out the pattern I had to keep taking off my hats so I could hear people. And I hate the cold.
Lupe wouldn't wear a hat at all, most of the time. They bothered her. Luckily her ears were much fuzzier than mine and less likely to get chilled.
She wasn't wearing her gloves right now, either. She had stripped them off so she could gather pebbles and toss them into the river as we walked. She would pause and gather up a handful and punctuate her enthusiastic lectures with little splashes. She was talking excitedly about the most recent traveler her parents had let stay in the barn. Their farm, being right by the main road, got a lot more requests of that kind than we did.
"But it had seven strings instead of six!"
Sploosh.
"It was lovely too. Not fancy but polished and well-loved. The case was decorated with whatever odds and ends he could find but the instrument itself was just solid gleaming wood."
Bloop.
"It was this lovely dark color with a reddish cast. Not a kind of wood we have around here."
She bent down and gathered another handful of stones.
"He had this tool. He clipped it up high on the neck for one of his songs but he left it in this little baggie for all the others."
Splish-splash.
"And it sounded beautiful Xanaria!"
Splash.
"I don't know if it was the instrument itself, or his skill playing it, but it was beautiful. He let me try a couple of cords on it, although I could tell he was nervous about letting someone else hold it."
Bloop-Blup.
"The strings are tuned very differently, they alternate sides with the deepest notes on the outside and the highest one right in the center."
Splip.
"He said it was in the plains style and it keeps the strings from warping the neck, but it meant that the ways you place your fingers to make cords is very different!"
Splash.
"It weighs much less than my grandfather's although it felt sturdier somehow. You should have seen it! Father let me bring out my grandfather's and we had fun playing together."
Bloosh.
"The poor man was much happier when he didn't have to share his instrument."
She bent over to gather another handful of stones saying, "And the resonance he got-" but as she straightened her foot slipped out from under her on the slushy silt.
I tried to catch her but my hands got stuck in my pockets. I tore one free, without it's mitten, and managed to grab her arm, but I was off balance and I yanked her toward me with way more force than I intended. We both fell hard on the cold dirt of the riverbank.
"Oops." She said a little breathlessly when we had finished laughing long enough to speak. "Well, at least we aren't soaked."
She sat up and I felt a moment of disappointment when her warm weight left my side. I told myself it was just because I was cold and liked the warmth. After a moment I sat up, just as she turned to lean over me. Our lips met, barely more than a bump, but the electric jolt I felt out to my fingertips shocked me and unthinkingly I pulled her back for a real kiss. She squeaked and I pulled away leaping to my feet. She sat in the dirt staring up at me. She looked shocked. Her dark round eyes were wide and she held one hand out uncertainly.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, as I turned and ran.
I heard her call out my name but I was always the faster runner and she didn't try to follow me.
I lay awake all that night staring into the darkness, my thoughts spiraling around and around. I was sure I had lost Lupe. I was terrified of what life would be like without her. When the sky began to lighten I slipped out of bed without needing mother to wake me for once and milked the cow. I leaned my head against Daisy's side grateful for the warmth that soothed my aching eyes and for the repetitive motion to focus on. I heard my father begin to laugh as I brought in the milk and set it on the table. I ignored him at first.
At Mothers direction I began poking up the banked fire, getting it going so Grandmother could have a comfortable place to sit and work during the day. I fed it chips of wood as it grew. Father poked his head in the door, still chuckling.
"Ri, come look at this." He grinned.
I turned the fire over to my brother as I followed Father out to the irrigation sluice. It was choked with debris. I stared at it blankly for a moment and then looked closer.
I fished out a thin piece of bark, the kind that Lupe would send me pictures on sometimes. It had a heart scratched in it. I pulled out another piece of bark this one thick from an evergreen of some kind. It had been chopped into the shape of a rough heart with what looked like cuts from a little hatchet. I fished out one of the pale green baby leaves and flattening it out saw that it had been torn into the shape of a heart. The more I pulled out, the more hearts there were. Some smaller, some bigger, some found, some scratched on or broken into shape.
I started scooping them out by the handful, a wide smile I couldn't have imagined even a few minutes ago making my cheeks ache.
My father chuckled. "You'd better run along and make sure your friend knows you aren't mad at her, I'm not sure I can take another night of you moping. And the trees up by her farm certainly can't take much more of being stripped for parts! Go on, I'll tell your mother."
I hugged him impulsively and took off up the river. All the way along it were hearts. Some stuck to the bank, some floating on the current, some lodged between rocks or caught on sticks. She must have started yesterday after I ran off and worked for hours. I hoped she'd stopped when it got dark and gotten some sleep, but I wouldn't have put it past her to sneak out and keep going by candle light.
I found her not far from where I had left her last night. She hadn't changed clothes and she had shadows under her eyes. She had a small basket of leaves next to her and she was methodically folding and tearing them to make hearts and dropping them in the river. She didn't hear me when I arrived, she was so focused on her task. I knelt next to her and took a leaf from her hand. She looked up and the surprise and relief on her tired face almost stopped my heart.
"That was a lot of hearts." I said quietly.
"I was worried they wouldn't make it all the way down the river."
I felt tears well up in my eyes, she caught my hand and stood, pulled me to my feet.
"Can we try again?" She asked, not needing more than a whisper she was so close.
I nodded not trusting my voice. She hugged me and we held each other for a long time. We fit together perfectly. Eventually, I sent her home to make sure she got some rest.
We sat under a maple tree, smelling the leaves drying overhead and reveling in the warm Autumn afternoon. We were 18. I lay with my head in her lap while she brushed my hair slowly through her fingers. She was looking out at the Whitetail River, her back against a tree. It made a quiet burbling sound as it flowed past.
"My father was talking again about the kind of husband I would need to help run the farm once he passes it down to me. "
I opened my eyes and scowled up at her. "And you want to bring that up now?"
"Shhh…" She booped my nose smiling down at me. "It's just that it occurred to me that everything he described sounded like you."
I tried to keep scowling but it was impossible with her looking at me like that. I humphed and closed my eyes again.
"Dad said my husband should be honest and loyal, hardworking and strong. " She was running her fingers through my hair again and it was hard to focus on her words. "He should be intelligent, and have grown up on a farm so he would know how it works. He should be able to listen," she tweaked my nose, I opened my eyes and smiled up at her, "so that he can learn from me about my own farm. And, more importantly, so he'll listen to what Dad thinks he should do with the farm. And apparently if I love him that would be a good bonus. I was just thinking that all of those criteria sound just like you. And besides all that, you are very beautiful. "
"Are you asking me to marry you?" I laughed.
"Yes." She was still smiling but her voice was serious.
I stared at her open-mouthed for a moment and she started talking again, her words accelerating as she went on.
"I mean not right away, we're still pretty young, and not with like a preacher or anything I suppose but someday if- "
I reached up and pulled her into an upside-down kiss. When I let her go I said a little breathlessly. "Yes. Sleeping Goddess, yes."
