Chapter 5

Hi, new update for you. Thanks for reviewing the previous chapter.


Earlier

Even feeling much better since she got in the hospital, she was feeling unquiet knowing Matt was outside, in the waiting room. She shifted in the bed one more time, laying on her side could be better this time, she thought. Closing her eyes and trying to block every thought from outside, she sighed as massing the right side of her lower tummy. The baby wasn't kicking, just moving from time to time, what she believed it was a good thing, both had a lot of stress for a day. Opening her eyes, slowly using her elbow to support she leaning in reaching for the glass of water on the table next to her bed, bringing the glass calmly to her mouth she sipped it a couple of times, then put the glass back on the table.

Readjusting the pillow to lay her head she heard a knocking on the door, she waited for a second to see who was.

"Sorry, I came to measure your blood pressure..." the nurse said.

"Okay..." Gabby responded resting her head on the pillow, laying on her back, she kept still to the nurse do her job.

"Just relax your arm... Are you feeling comfortable?" she asked as placing the cuff on Gabby's bare upper arm.

Gabby nodded slightly as she looked at the ceiling.

Then the nurse pulled the end of the cuff tightly around her arm... Once the cuff was inflated it gradually reduced its pressure.

After a beep... the number showed up in the digital monitor.

"It's good..."

Gabby looked down to see for herself.

"... under 130/80 mm Hg... Although, the doctor told me she is gonna release you when we get close to 120/80 mm Hg..."

"I'll do my best... I just want to go home, believe me..."

The nurse gave her a warm smile as she took the cuff off of Gabby's arm.

"I know I've already said it to you... Anyway, you sure you don't want to call a friend or family member to be here with you? Maybe you'll be good for you..."

"My mother is out of the country... and my friends...", Gabby stared at her own hands placed over her belly, "... they are busy right now...", then she looked up, "... don't worry, I'll be fine...", Gabby mustered a smile.

"Alright... if you need anything, please push the button and we'll be here...". she turned to leave, opening the door...

"Wait!" Gabby exclaimed. Turning around the nurse waited for her request.

Gabby had a lot to say, maybe one day she would have a chance to do that, she wondered, but for now, a note should be enough to Matt let know her feelings towards to their encounter earlier and their future.

"You remember my first day in the Firehouse 51. I was so nervous, my hands were sweating, you weren't there, Boden told us that you were getting late that morning, but he didn't tell us the reason. I was tense, until that moment I didn't know how I was gonna be my time in there. After Boden introduced me, I felt I would collapse in front of everybody, then each one of the guys stood up to shake my hand or hug me, relief washed over me, and from that moment I knew I would have a good time, it wasn't a permanent position they said that in the Chicago Fire Department. Then a few minutes later you saw me sitting on the bench in the locker room, head down, hands clasped together, looking at my feet...

"Hey..."

I looked up as sitting straight, "Hey".

"I'm Matthew Casey, the lieutenant of Truck 81... you must be our new paramedic..." he smiled at her.

"I'm... Gabriela Dawson, Sir..."

"Please, just call me Matt..."

"Okay... Matt..." she gave him a weak smile.

"I'll put my things in the locker..." he didn't need to say it, yet he did.

Gabby kept sat down, looking ahead, oblivious to his moves behind her, though she was listening to him whistling. A few seconds later she felt someone beside her.

"Are you okay?" it was him, she didn't respond, he tried again, "Dawson, are you okay?" he spoke a little louder this time.

"Sorry...," she turned her head to look at him, "What did you say?"

"It seems you're gonna throw up at any second", he stated as noticed her pale face.

"I just did a few minutes ago... Sorry, I-" leaning forward, she rested her elbows on her knees and hid her face behind her hands.

"What happened, are you sick or someone from here-" his voice was laced with concern.

"No..." her voice was muffled by her hands, she rubbed her hands over her face roughly, then brought her hands to her sides and hold at the bench. "I was fine earlier, I mean after the welcoming, then I started to panic again...", she confessed as she stared at her feet. "...Firehouse 51 is a big deal for me, all my previous experiences don't compare to this one... you guys attend huge incidents... I'm worried about failing..." she shook her head, "I just want to be a good addition here, if I'm staying or not, you know..."

"Dawson, look at me, please..." Matt asked gently. She did what he requested. "You're part of Firehouse 51 now, and here we are family, we support each other, we learn from each other... Everything I am, I own to these people... When I became lieutenant I was as scared as you are, I want it so much but I saw myself chickening out for a second, Chief Boden realized that and told me that I could do this job, that his door would be always open for me when I felt a slight of doubting in me... so I'm not a paramedic, you know we just know the basics, yet my door will always open for you and everyone here is on your side, believe me..."

They gazed at each other, Gabby's eyes roamed over his face for a couple of seconds.

"Thank you... it means a lot, Casey", she smiled at him.

Your gesture made all the difference to me, that conversation had shown me what kind of guy you were, from that day we started to build our friendship and it became one of the most valuable things to me, I've always thought that we would resist any obstacle, pain, sorrow, though I was wrong, after today I feel nothing was left. It's not your fault, I left you right? I am the one to blame, you moved on and I didn't, because of that I'm pregnant, I went to Chicago decided to see you, I wished I had realized that your heart wasn't in the same page on mine, though I felt a split of hope when we made love that night, I feel so pathetic right now, but I am not gonna dwell on it, it's over, definitely over.

Our big fight before I went to Puerto Rico, you questioned me: 'What's wrong with being dependent on someone?' I can answer you: the person who you leans on or depends will be the one who will hurt you the most. Watch us now, Matt. One more time our hearts are shattered. Maybe between us never it would work out, we were trying the impossible. Sometimes we have to accept it and move on as you have done. I was totally wrong for running away this morning, we are all adults, your relationship with Brett is not my business if you think she is your better half, go for it. Anyone should stop living because suddenly you are attracted to someone who has connections with other people of your life. Do you understand? I'm saying follow your heart, if it what you want, take it.

Today I saw my emotions get the best of me and I can't do that again if I want to have this baby. I'll take care of myself, that's the plan. Everything outside this room is secondary, doesn't matter.

So go home, the baby is fine, please, don't call me, I call you if it's necessary. To make this work I'll send you a new update every Friday, that doctor said she will monitor me once a week. I'll be staying with my aunt until the baby gets here.

By the way, it's a boy, since you won't be in my appointments, I asked my doctor to reveal the gender. I'm calling him Ben, I've always loved this name. It's the name the boy I took care of on my first call in the Firehouse 51. Do you recall it? He had 4 years old, you asked Boden one more minute before you leave his burning house, his parents weren't home, your time was almost done when you found him. When you came through the front door my heart was pounding so fast, he wasn't breathing, I tried to act fast and after a few minutes, he started to breathe again. We followed updates of him for a couple of weeks, even visited him, that when we met his grandmother, who was gonna take care of him. My day one in 51 will be always with me.

Bye, Matt".


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