(In reply to the guest review asking about the future of the First Order - maaaaaaaaybe ;) )
JL x
Jay woke with a start, hand clutched to her chest and trying to control her breathing
She hadn't had a single nightmare for years, she'd learned when she was much younger to suppress her memories and bury them deep within her subconscious. Terrible memories, things she'd also experienced through her adult life but that seemed so much more devastating when she was a child.
She had no idea where they had come from, she had unconsciously trained herself to keep them behind her mental barriers as she slept, yet here she was, wide-eyed and frantic, wiping a cold sweat from her brow. What had brought them forward?
She thought back to the night before, to the resurfacing of some of her more pleasant thoughts, to the invisible string pulling them from the depths of her mind. She had shrugged the sensation off as sleep-deprivation, but was it something more? Something, someone searching?
Ren?
Snoke?
She scoffed at her own paranoia and pulled herself upright, did she really believe that either of the galaxy's most infamous and influential leaders would spend their free evening rooting through her mind, looking for memories hidden away by a frightened little girl? What would they find? Images of her mother delivering a swift backhander to the side of her face, or her father screaming and kicking her siblings while she bore witness? All useless and irrelevant nonsense that had no bearing on her personality or future.
Standing straight and stretching on her tip-toes Jay laughed inwardly at her own over-reaction. It was a simple nightmare, nothing dark and mysterious, a simple reaction by her mind to a deep sleep after weeks of restlessness. She needed to push aside the assumption that there would be a constant presence inside her mind from now on, she had no evidence of it.
Knowing she would never be able to lay back down and still her thoughts, Jay took a small sip of her water and set about exploring her wardrobe, until she finally came across her silken night robe. Pulling it over her bare shoulders she made her way back into her living area, dropping down onto the sofa and bringing her feet up to rest on the table in front of her.
She hadn't sat for even five minutes before she was stood once more. Sitting here in the dark, alone, was driving her insane. All she could think about was the fact that this solitude and confinement could last days, weeks even. She had no idea when she would be allowed outside the double doors in front of her, no promise of companionship or any visitors, and no end in sight to her loneliness.
Without thinking twice she marched her way to the doors and opened them with a quick flutter of her fingertips over the control panel. They swished open and there, as promised, were the two white-clad soldiers, one standing on either side of the entryway. They had obviously been leaning against the corridor wall but jumped to attention the moment the doors were opened.
The solider to her left quickly spoke up. "Is there anything we can assist you with, ma'am?"
Jay looked into his expressionless helmet and paused. What had been her intention when she stepped out into the corridor again? She hadn't really had one, she was just sick of the thought of being holed up in her rooms for the foreseeable future.
"I'm not really sure" she said, after a brief ponder, "I would like to have a walk around if that's alright. I can't stand being trapped in by those doors and I feel like a prisoner here"
The second trooper answered automatically. "I'm sorry ma'am but you are not to leave the confines of this room unless specifically directed to by Lord Ren"
Jay expected such a reply, what she didn't expect, however, was that before she could even open her mouth to offer a poorly constructed argument, a deep voice cut her off.
"Restless already?"
The voice carried a slightly mocking tone, and it's owner was clearly amused at the fact that she had managed less than a single day locked up inside her quarters.
Peering over the shoulder of the first trooper to have spoken, Jay saw the unmistakable figure of Kylo Ren. He was dressed more casually, stiff and formal uniform exchanged for a simple loose-fitting black shirt and trousers, however the thick leather boots were still in place. He wore an unreadable expression, one eyebrow quirked upwards and almost disappeared into she shadows his thick hair cast over his forehead, figure leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the corridor to her with his arms crossed, waiting for her reply.
For a moment she was lost for words. He looked so laid back, wasn't this the same man that stomped around in his fitted uniform, decapitating his enemies and obliterating planetary systems on a daily basis?
She caught his eye and quickly replied "I couldn't sleep, nightmares. I needed to do something to expend all of my energy, so I can settle again
It was a poor response.
For a split-second she saw a foreign emotion flash behind his eyes, sympathy? no, guilt? He swallowed quickly and the emotion was gone, but she had definitely seen something. He looked her up and down for a moment, and she realised... she was only wearing the thin silk robe she had pulled from her wardrobe. Rather than show how embarrassed she was she continued to look at him, silently urging him to reply to her and change his focus as quickly as possible.
His eyes locked onto hers again and a minuscule smile crossed his lips before disappearing.
"Fine" he said, "follow me"
He strode past her and started down the corridor, with Jay quickening her pace to catch up with him. The journey was quiet, it was clearly late in the evening or even reaching the early hours of the morning, no personnel were in sight and their footsteps echoed in the empty corridors, Jay could even hear her own bare footsteps.
Ren paused without warning, and she almost collided with his back, holding her hands out to take the impact but managing to stop quickly enough that she barely touched him. She looked up at the side profile of his face and noticed that he was peering through a large observation window, following his gaze she found herself staring out into the vast, beautiful nothingness of space. She could see her home world below, now distant and unreachable, its expansive forests and oceans covered with a circle of bright blue, its atmospheric halo.
She felt a lump form at the back of her throat but ignored it, turning away from the window and waiting for Ren to move on down the gallery.
"Will you miss it?"
The question was unexpected, but understandable, and she was quick to respond.
"No"
He turned to face her and pushed on
"Why? I would have thought that leaving your family and friends behind may upset you, you need not hide your unhappiness from me, it's understandable"
Jay looked at him quizzically, wondering what had brought on this mild show of concern for her feelings. She pondered carefully over how to reply to him without throwing her less-than-happy memories into the mix, while he waited patiently for her answer.
"I'm not upset to be leaving, I'm just trying to adjust to my new surroundings and hosts" she said cautiously, watching his eyes for any signs of annoyance, "I've accepted that my time on Dannillion is over and that the next chapter of my life will take place here, with you. If I seem disorientated or unsettled please understand that it will pass, I understand my purpose here and will adjust to it in time"
It felt so strange for her to converse with anyone in such a diplomatic and formal manner, even while attending ceremonial events and exhibitions on her home world she had been able to act more naturally, using her charm and experience to impress her audience and never really standing on ceremony, but she had no idea how she was supposed to act around Ren, or indeed anyone on this ship. She wanted to take a more natural approach, to speak to him as she would do any other man, but without knowing whether that was his wish or not she had to behave in a way befitting her position and throw personal preference aside.
He seemed disappointed in her answer and continued to dig deeper, turning back towards the window
"Your parents seemed like nice people"
He said it so dryly that for a moment Jay suspected he knew more about her past than he was letting on.
She replied hesitantly, "I suppose they have their moments"
Silence followed for moment before she heard a quiet sigh cross his lips, barely detectable. He turned back, facing her position once more and fixed his gaze on her.
"If we are going to move forward in the way that you wish, you really shouldn't lie to me. You know my reputation, the stories that follow my abilities, you know I can sense your deception"
Her eyes wide with surprise, she opened her mouth to protest before he turned on his heel and motioned for her to follow him once more, continuing their journey.
