A/N: Thanks for the love, everyone! Hope you all enjoyed your summer.
PS. This chapter took an extra hour to write because my smart ass decided to play Lana Del Rey music videos while writing and got distracted instead.
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FIFTEEN
Love
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"Now tell me. What makes you ask such questions?" Oliver asked Lana without hesitation. It hung in the air for a moment before she answered. It felt still and empty. The silence in his office was almost palpable and Oliver found himself nervous for her response. She sat on her usual chair opposite him, eyes in a place Oliver could never see for himself.
"Are you remembering something from your past? Perhaps someone you've loved?"
Silence.
Oliver's tensed.
"I see her in my dreams…" Lana finally spoke with a soft, velvet voice. Hands on her lap, eyes downcast. She was almost a dream herself. "Her smile…her lips…I can almost hear her voice."
Oliver's grip tightened on his pen before he wrote the notes down. He didn't say anything; he just let Lana continue her description of this mystery woman. However, he had a hunch of whom she had been dreaming of.
"I can feel her…hands." She paused, "Holding me. It's so strange. So familiar. But I—"
"But what?" Oliver asked calmly and patiently.
Lana shook her head softly, "I…I can't remember her." She met his eyes, "I don't know if she's real."
"Hmm. That is quite interesting." He cleared his throat and sat up straight. "Are you sure you can't fully remember her?"
Lana glanced away. "I don't know. I can't…"
"Yes, you can. Try."
Lana searched her memories of the woman from her dreams but came to a wall. All she could feel was a brewing ball of hate beginning to grow from within in followed by the breaking sound of her own heart. "I can't see her eyes. I can't remember them. I—" She began to hyperventilate as if an anxiety attack was coming on. "I—she—she—"
Oliver was quick to his feet, tossing his notes aside. He placed his hands upon her shoulders and softly calmed her, "Lana, hey, it's alright. Breathe. Okay?"
Lana began to shake her head as if the memories were bringing her back down into the black void she had tried so hard to escape from. Tears began to swell in her eyes as she shook her head back and forth in hard denial.
"Lana, look at me. Look at me." Oliver ordered, bringing her face to his. Lana met Oliver's gaze. "That's it. Just look at me and breathe."
Lana did as he asked of her and little by little the attack subsided.
"There you go. That a girl. Just keep breathing for me."
Lana nodded in obedience and before she knew it her breathing was back to normal. Once her heart stopped trying to break through her chest, she leaned forward into Oliver's arms, burying her face in his crisp, white shirt. "What's wrong with me?" She cried silently.
Oliver slowly but surely wrapped his arms around her, placing one hand behind her head, keeping her close. "Nothing we cannot beat together." He answered her and once he spoke those words a strange feeling over came him. He found himself not wanting to let her go.
.
Oliver let Lana sit out in the backyard to get some fresh air. He was still unsure of letting her out in the public in fear that Briarcliff was still searching for her. It had been months and they hadn't appeared but he didn't want to let his guard down. Lana sat beneath the oak tree, running her fingers along the grass.
Oliver stood mere feet away examining his dying rose bushes. He sighed heavily, "Such a shame." He glanced over at the abandoned gardening tools rusting from the rain and exposure. Perhaps letting Lana garden would help her anxiety.
"Oliver?" Lana spoke.
"Hmm?" He was pulled away from his thoughts.
"Can you tell me the story of Persephone?"
"Again?" He raised a brow but let out a chuckle, "Lana, I'm sure you've heard it ten times by now."
"I'd like to hear it again." She gave him that innocent smile that won him over repeatedly.
He sighed like putty in her hands, "Very well then." He sat next to her upon the grass and began to tell her the tale once more.
Sitting in the garden with Lana reminded Oliver of his strolls with her in Briarcliff's own garden back when she was still deemed unfit to walk amongst society. That time seemed inexistent now.
"How…interesting." Lana spoke once Oliver finished the story.
"What is?"
"She let the world die."
"Demeter?"
Lana nodded. Her expression let Oliver know that her old self was very present amongst the anxiety and night terrors. She was regaining her old self.
"Yes."
"I suppose she was willing to sacrifice the world and man kind for her daughter."
"Why would she do that?"
Oliver thought about it, "I guess people do crazy things for those they love."
"She did it for…love?"
Oliver nodded. "Demeter loved Persephone like nothing else there ever was."
Lana glanced at Oliver, for a moment her eyes shimmered with curiosity. "Have you ever been in love?" She repeated her question from that morning. "You didn't answer me before…"
Oliver cleared his throat. He had avoided the question the first time but now he wasn't sure if he could once again. "Well, that's not a question I was expecting."
"Is that bad?" She asked curiously like a child.
"No, it's not. Just surprising." Oliver leaned back, "To be honest, I was."
"In love?"
He nodded. "Once upon a time."
Lana's expression was unreadable. It was a mixture of curiosity and sadness. Oliver couldn't quite spot it.
"But that's another long story."
Lana scooted closer. "Can you tell it to me? Please?"
"There's not much to tell to be honest. " He hoped to deter Lana but she was waiting like a patient child waiting for a treat. "It was a long time ago when I was in med school. I fell for a friend of mine but she didn't feel the same for me."
"What happened?"
"Well, time passed. She met someone else and got married and started a family. I moved on and dated other women but nothing came of it."
Lana saddened at this. "Do you still-?"
"Love her?" He asked, "No. No, I don't."
Lana glanced away but Oliver kept his eyes on her, studying her every feature even though he was so familiar with them. How could someone abandon her, he thought. Lana who was so beautiful and intelligent. How could have Wendy Peyser thrown her away like trash? Oliver would never understand. If he had been in Peyser's position he would have never let Lana go. Not in a million years. Not for a million dollars. Not even for the sake of humanity.
He caught himself staring and glanced away, ashamed of his feelings and his thoughts. He didn't understand where they were coming from and he felt ashamed of them. He was supposed to help Lana. Not fall for her like some romantic fool. It would be unethical.
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When Lana went to bed, Oliver remained wide-awake in the living room. He poured himself a glass of red wine and sat down on the sofa. He took his glasses off and carelessly tossed them on the coffee table. It was well past midnight and he was still plagued with the thoughts that had crossed his mind earlier in the garden with Lana.
"Don't do this to yourself, Thredson…" He told himself. "You can't."
He took a drink from his wine and let the thoughts simmer. He just couldn't get the thought of her smile out of his mind.
Oliver thought earlier to his session with Lana in the morning. She had been dreaming of Wendy Peyser without a doubt even if she didn't fully remember her. Oliver knew it and could have told her but he kept himself from saying a word. He didn't want to bring Peyser up. He didn't want Lana to remember her.
The realization was slowly coming to him. Jealousy was the reason why he didn't help Lana remember. Jealousy of this woman who had thrown her away and no longer wanted her back. Nonetheless, at one point she had shared Lana's bed and kissed the skin upon her neck and between her collarbones.
Oliver shoved the thought out of his mind. He knew it was wrong of him to withhold that information from Lana and let her struggle but he felt that she was better without Peyser. The memory of her would only harm Lana and Oliver did not want her to suffer any longer. He did it for her well being, he lied to himself.
Oliver stood from the sofa, placing the half finished glass of wine on the table. He made his way down the hall and slowly opened the door to Lana's bedroom to check on her. She had fits and night terrors very often but sometimes he didn't hear her. However, that night he found her fast asleep in the bed that was once his own. She lay on her back, head facing towards the door. She looked so peaceful.
Oliver realized in that moment that he understood why Hades held Persephone captive in the underworld. He loved her.
