Just as a warning...things get very sad in this chapter. You might need some tissues to get you through it because I did when I wrote it! :(
It's Hard To Forget
Leanne slowly opened her eyes when she woke up. Her head ached and the pit of her stomach felt as though it was being burned from all the throwing up she'd been doing in the night. She had stayed the night at Nick's but nothing remotely romantic had happened. In fact, he'd held her hair back for her when she was sick. Very romantic indeed.
She walked into the living room of hers and Nick's flat and sat on the window ledge and pulled back the curtains, watching the frost settle on the street and the milkman delivering his produce.
She could feel that the day would be better, brighter and happier as Nick and her were finally an item again and Simon was behaving too. She still couldn't get over how brilliant yesterday had been. Nick decalaring how much he loved her and that he wanted them to be a proper family again and Simon, he had done amazingly well at his counselling. For the first time in ages, everything was getting better. But Leanne knew that meant a storm was imminent because it always was in her life; her happiness was usually only short-lived.
Carla had slept finally. There was no wine this time or vodka. She had fallen asleep peacefully and slept for eight hours without hearing those screams that had haunted her for months. They were haunting Tracy instead. Carla was getting back to herself at last, and clearing up her flat was step one to recovery.
She brushed up the broken plates, wine glasses and the huge chunks of glass that she had battered out of the TV. It took ages to clear all of the shards that had been left by the destruction she had caused in her home, but once she had done the brushing up she could see the front door properly. The pathway was clear to the outside world at last.
In her bedroom, she hung up the clothes that were dumped on her double bed that was unmade. Well, she had made it now. Hoovered, dusted and cleaned the past out of her flat. Her makeup was all over the floor in her room. The foundation had spilt over the cream carpet, leaving a burnt orange stain that Carla got on her hands and knees to scrub for half an hour. It went away at last and she carried on, polishing anything in sight.
It was eight thirty once she had finished clearing up her mess and she slumped on the sofa in her cleaning clothes. It was very Carla. Black leggings, a black tank top and some socks that were surprisingly, black.
"Ah," Carla said, letting out a breath as she looked around her flat that was clean and as good as new.
The doorbell of her flat sounded and the person on the other end was persistent.
"Flamin' hell. Can't even get five minutes alone." Carla grumbled angrily as she made her way to the intercom.
"Carla," Michelle said. "Carla, is everything alright? Peter told me about yesterday."
Carla paused. She could have let her best friend up into her flat and told her everything. But, she wasn't sure yet what she was going to do and if Tracy would find a policeman on her doorstep.
"Yeah...Chelle it's fine, go home."
Carla put her ear right against the intercom and could hear the distinct sound of whispering between Michelle and...Peter. Great, even he'd turned up to know what was bugging her.
"Peter?!" Carla shouted, missing the t out of his name like she always did. She hated it but he loved it.
She could hear a sigh on the other end and Michelle saying, "Game's up Peter, she knows we're lyin' to her."
"Ah flamin' hell!" Peter moaned. "Carla...don't be a pain the arse, let us up!"
Carla shook her head, wishing that they would take her 'no' as a definite answer. "There's nothin' to report- now go home!"
"Carla, please," Michelle pleaded. "Come on darlin', I just wanna know you're okay. You've got us all worried sick."
As much as she wanted to deny that it was true, Carla knew she'd sent their stress levels through the roof in the past few weeks. Luckily for Peter he'd been sunning himself in Antigua but Chelle, poor Chelle had watched Carla fall lower and lower.
She switched the intercom back on, knowing they'd probably still be there.
"Go on then, I'll let ya come up." Carla finally said. "But hurry up. I need to get t't Factory in a bit."
The door of Victoria Court buzzed and Peter and Michelle made their way up the flight of stairs and the winding corridor to flat number twelve. Peter had no idea which flat Carla lived in, so he was following Michelle closely, memorising the number just in case he ever needed it again.
They waited outside of her door and Michelle lightly knocked. Three taps then a slam of her fist against the oak door.
Carla quickly chucked on her beige dressing gown, the item of clothing she owned with the most colour, and opened the door to them.
"Hi," Michelle and Peter said in unison. Carla raised her eyebrow.
"You two muppets came to say 'hi'? Is that it?"
Michelle tilted her head at her best friend. "We know something happened yesterday, but we don't know what. Can't ya tell us Car?"
"It was nothing, really."
"I asked Tracy what went on and she told me to mind me own business," Peter admitted. "She was grumpier than usual."
"Hmm," Carla murmured. "Maybe she's run out of knives to shove in people's backs. She loves doing that."
Michelle raised her arms above her head as though she'd made a major discovery. "So she's betrayed ya then?"
"Betrayed me? That's an understatement."
Peter reached out his arm to touch Carla's as he rested his head against the door frame. "Please...Tell me...tell us. We want to help."
Carla rolled her eyes and shifted on her feet, purposely blocking the door so neither of them could barge their way in. "Fine!" She reluctantly said, moving out of the way and letting them through.
Michelle took a seat next to Carla on the beige sofa and Peter sat in the chair right near them. He was close to Carla, but so far away. He was sure she was still quite happy with that. Carla looked between the people in the room with her and folded her arms, steeling herself to retell her shocking day yesterday for the first time. She'd been replaying the record in her head all night but it was weird putting all of her thoughts into words.
She took a deep breath. "So...I dragged meself up to the top of a quarry yesterday."
Peter gasped at the same time as Michelle, who pulled her friend into a hug.
"I...I er, I was going to jump off- ya know, end it all. Make things better for the Nazirs and Sophie and everyone else I've hurt."
Michelle and Peter were now shaking their heads like dogs with their heads out of car windows.
"Oh Carla," Peter began. "I'm so sorry. I should have carried on chasing after you."
"Ya shouldn't," Carla replied, snapping her head up. "Because then I would have still hated myself and she would still be getting away with it."
"She?" Michelle asked. "Who's she?"
Peter now began shaking his head. No. No. Not his sister. "Please don't say it's Tracy that started the fire," Peter said desperately. More for his niece's sake than Tracy's.
Michelle looked deeply at Carla, attempting to read her mind and her facial expressions; it was far harder than she'd first anticipated. "Did she?"
Carla nodded slowly as Peter's eyes filled with tears. She looked over at him desperately, as if her sympathetic look would stop his pain and hurt. His sister had tried to kill the love of his life, blaming her for all of the death, destruction and misery that followed it. He was furious, disgusted and violated.
"Why?" He asked. He honestly couldn't get his head around why she could have done such a thing to a woman like Carla. "Why would she ever do something like that to you?"
"Carla?" Michelle said. "Peter's right, I don't understand either."
She took another breath and bit on her lip slightly, as though delaying would make it seem less evil. "She was missing Rob and she said I'd done it- sent him away. At your wedding Chelle, we had a fight in the loos. I told her she'd be on her own 'til the day they stuck her in the ground. Turns out she didn't like me saying that... or buying a share in the Rovers. Said she wanted that and it was my fault again. She'd lost something she was in touching distance of grabbing."
Michelle and Peter hadn't stopped shaking their heads yet but Michelle had put her hands over her mouth.
"I just can't believe she'd do it," Michelle admitted. "I know she's a physco but that's just insane."
Peter was still in disbelief and had gone very quiet. "And she let you think you'd been the one that caused the fire?"
Carla now nodded. "All this time."
"So the gambling, the self-loathing, it was all for nothing? And she knew it?" Michelle queried.
"That's Tracy Barlow for ya, the bitch that keeps on giving." Carla said, gaining a slight chuckle from Michelle and Peter.
"We need to go to the police." Michelle said. "And now...before she thinks she can get away with it."
"Chill." Carla replied, sticking her hands up. "I don't know what I'm doing yet so keep this between us. Yeah?"
Peter nodded slightly and so did Michelle. "Fine but I can't belief that bitch let you think you'd done it." Michelle repeated. "Her own daughter had got trapped in it and she still blamed you!"
"Chelle!" Carla shouted. "Enough alright?" Michelle froze. "It's up to me, okay? I don't wanna wreck that little girl's life because her mother is evil."
Peter finally opened his mouth. "But Tracy will ruin it all for her."
"Peter," Carla pleaded. "Promise you'll keep quiet."
They both nodded and with that, Carla stood up and walked to the front door. "I need to go to the factory. I'll talk to you both later, alright?"
Peter bobbed his head up and down before leaning in towards Carla's face. "How did she get in here?"
Michelle had heard this and spun on her heels, still reeling from the bombshell. "Oh yeah. How did she?"
Carla sighed. "She...stole the keys from yer handbag Chelle. Came in here and grabbed a candle, lit it too- said she went to hit me with it but she couldn't do it."
"She did what?!" Peter roared. "She went to kill ya?!"
Carla nodded, upset herself that Tracy had nearly killed her. "Yeah...it's what she said."
"That's it!" Peter yelled, storming off.
"Peter, please!" Carla called after him. "I don't want the police to know."
Michelle looked at Carla and then darted after Peter. "Peter!"
Peter spun around, his eyes wide and full of anger, venom and rage.
"What are ya gonna do Peter? Carla doesn't want us saying anything to anyone."
"I can't let Tracy get away with this," he said. "But I don't want Carla hating me anymore than she already does."
"She doesn't hate ya," Michelle said reassuringly. "I know she doesn't."
"Well...we'll see." And with that, Peter headed off back to the Barlow's.
Nick sipped his piping hot coffee quickly as Leanne washed their breakfast dishes.
"Can't ya just stay off today?" Leanne asked. "I don't wanna be here on my own- cleaning. Stay with me today."
Nick wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek as she stood by the sink, washing away. "I want to but I can't. We can do something later though. I love you."
"Love you too," she grinned. She felt a sudden twinge in her tummy but not one she'd felt before. "Ooh," Leanne said.
Nick put his arms around her back protectively. "Are you okay?"
She stood up right again and caught her breath back. "Yeah...god that hurt. Little rascal eh?" Leanne laughed, rubbing her tummy.
Nick bent down to her belly and said, "Oi you! Stop giving your mother grief!"
Leanne giggled and kissed his forehead. "Are you sure you can't..."
"Yes! I'm sorry but I'll see you later. Love you."
"Alright, bye." Leanne sighed, sitting down at the table with her own drink and deciding today would be a good day to clean the flat. Oh well. She'd just have to make the most of her time alone; polishing, dusting, hoovering and cleaning anything in sight. And by the looks of things, it was something Nick had neglected in the flat for quite some time.
Eva walked into the hospital room that was Jason's, smiling widely as she saw him walking for the first time since he'd been attacked. She was so proud of him, the beam on her face hard to hide. It was so obvious she loved him deeply and she knew her kiss with Aidan was just a mistake. That was it.
"Ah babe!" Eva squealed. "I'm so proud of ya!" She dropped a kiss on his cheek and he smiled back.
"I couldn't of done it without ya babe," Jason said proudly, wrapping an arm around Eva. "I'm sorry for being such a grump."
"Aw, it's nothing," Eva replied, shaking her head and her hands. It really was nothing in comparison to her kissing Aidan.
Jason took her hands. "But it is...I'm sorry Eva and I love ya." He hugged her and all she could do was nuzzle into his shoulder and pretend it was all okay.
At their flat, Leanne was moving things around; pushing the sofa away from the wall and in the centre of the room, adjusting things on the kitchen table, and cleaning up the mess from their lovely breakfast. He'd made them both Greek yoghurt with granola and fruit- healthy and tasty he said.
'Good for you and my little ballerina." Nick said to Leanne as she had tucked into her breakfast that morning.
'Who says it's a girl?' Leanne grinned back, looking up at the man she loved so much. Being pregnant with his baby was making Leanne fall even deeper but she didn't care- she was loving it. Plus it was fun teasing him and playing the guessing game at the minute. Will it be a bouncing boy or a gorgeous girl? Ooh. Well...who knows?
'Well you're sister seems to think it's a girl. And I would love it if it was a girl...or a boy."
'Honestly,' Leanne chuckled as he flicked through the catalog from Mamas and Papas, pointing out the pink and white starry duvet and the teeny-tiny baby grows. They laughed and couldn't imagine a child being so small; small enough to fit in something as adorable as the ones they had seen in the catalog. Leanne liked the ones with little stars on, because her baby boy, or girl, was a little star in her eyes. Right from the moment she took that positive pregnancy test her baby was her star. A star she never expected to be given...even if it was for just a small period of time.
Her phone began ringing and Leanne rushed over to the kitchen island to grab it. She didn't get to her phone though. A strong, agonizing pain rippled through her body.
"Agh," Leanne groaned, doubling over from the sharp pain that had hit her stomach. She knew right away what that pain was as it had greeted her before and had stolen something she wanted badly.
It was blinding and the tears were forming in her eyes. Nick wasn't there and she was all alone in the flat, desperate and crying as the warm feeling of her own blood dripping down her legs made her feel cold. Her baby. Oh God. She just knew what this meant. She'd been in this position before and she was praying inwardly it was all a horrid nightmare or something she had seen in a horror movie Simon had made her watch. It wasn't though, and Leanne's living nightmare continued to get worse.
"H...e...l...p!" Leanne cried before collapsing on her knees as the pain took over her body. "Someone help me!"
Leanne grabbed hold of the barstool she had just cleaned and slowly eased herself up, holding her tummy and reaching out for her phone. It hit her hard again.
"Ow! Ow! Please just stay with mummy," Leanne whispered. "Please," She pleaded. "Don't leave mummy and daddy, not now baby."
Leanne finally had hold of her mobile phone and selected Nick's number and listened to the sound of it ringing.
His phone sprung to life in the Bistro, ringing loudly as he stood behind the bar in the quiet restaurant. He smiled when he saw who was calling and answered quickly. He was so blissfully unaware of what Leanne was going through at home.
"Hey gorgeous," Nick said. "How are you and the baby?"
"Agh!" Leanne screamed. "Please Nick...come home. I need to go to hospital. It's...it's... the... baby, something... isn't right. I think I'm 'avin' a miscarriage."
His smile fell and Gail was watching on, curious.
"Oh god...erm, stay where you are Lea, I'm coming. Hang on in there," He replied, clasping his hand over his mouth and shoving his phone in his pocket. He would have phoned an ambulance for Leanne but as he had seen Erica double over in the Rovers and miscarry so quickly, if seems pointless for him to call Leanne one. They both knew inwardly it was too late. It was too late to turn back time.
"Nick?" Gail asked. "Sweetheart, is everything alright ?"
He didn't know what to do, his mind chucking a million and one different things at him all at once. Hospital. Leanne needs to get to a hospital. Baby. The chances were she was lying on the floor in his flat, miscarrying the child that had given them so much joy and happiness in the few weeks they had known about her pregnancy.
"I need to go home," Nick blurted out. "It's Lea, something has happened, and the baby...the baby...she needs to go to hospital."
Gail rose from her seat and ushered Nick out from behind the bar. "Go, go Nick! Go home and make sure she's okay!"
Nick nodded frantically and ran out of his restaurant, down the street to Victoria Court. His legs felt numb as he ran, unable to think and even control what he was doing. Everything around him felt like it was frozen and that the world was slowly but surely coming to an end. And it was.. for their unborn baby.
He ran past the salon, almost knocking David over as he held Kylie's hand. They were leaving the salon to collect the kids and were nearly taken out by Nick in the process.
"Woah Bolt!" David shouted. "Is someone planning on going for the Olympics next year?"
Kylie patted her husband on his chest, urging him to stop as his big brother entered the code to get into the block of flats- furious as it kept rejecting the incorrect numbers he was pressing by accident.
"David...I think something's happened," Kylie said, the worry rising inside of her. She recognised a look like Nick's anywhere and knew what it could possibly mean for the couple, and their baby.
"How do you mean? Reckon he's forgotten his tie or something? He loves a good suit does our Nick."
"I mean summat serious. Could be Leanne and the baby."
"No," David started. "Their well solid, it'll be fine. I'm tellin' ya."
"I wouldn't be so sure," Kylie said, watching the block of flats as David led her away in the direction of the school.
Tracy sat at the bar of the Rovers, getting evils off of Michelle and Peter. But of course, she was unaware of why they were being so off with her. She was too busy thinking about her own issues- the one that Peter and Michelle knew exactly about.
"What's up with ya face?" Tracy asked her brother across the bar. "What's with the snotty looks?"
Peter shook his head in disgust. "I ain't looking at you Tracy. I wouldn't put me eyes through it."
Tracy rolled her eyes and they soon fell on Carla who entered the pub. Tracy made her way over, grabbing Carla's arm. Something both Michelle and Peter had spied.
"Have you done anything yet?" Tracy said as Carla yanked her off.
"No, now leave me alone."
Two uniformed police officers made their way in and the whole pub fell silent.
"Tracy Barlow?" One called. Tracy looked panicked.
"Yeah?"
"Tracy Barlow I'm arresting you on suspicion of murder."
"What?!" Tracy cried.
"You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given as evidence. "
"What has she done? Who's she murdered?" Zeedan asked.
"The fire, she started the fire." Peter revealed to the entire pub. Carla looked on at Tracy, furious yet relieved that someone had done the awful job for her.
"She killed our dad?" Alya cried. "Zee, did she? Did she?"
"Say this isn't true," Zeedan said, turning to Tracy who said absolutely nothing.
Tracy looked over at Carla, her mouth wide open, unable to react and even string a sentence together. Carla looked between Peter and Michelle angrily. She'd wanted to do it in her own time, not in the Rovers, there in front of the Nazirs.
Time. When 2:58 hit the clock it was as though the hands in the hospital room clock never moved again. The world had stopped spinning and life was frozen, just like the heartbroken Tilsley's in the hospital room in Weatherfield General.
"I'm so sorry...it was a miscarriage. That was nothing we could do, I'm very sorry Leanne." The doctor had explained to her, in the most humane way possible- delivering the mundane speech they usually did when a woman lost her baby. She wondered if they used the same thing on Carla and Erica. The same sad looks, sympathetic speeches and the crappy line they always pulled out, 'You can always try again.' Leanne remembered hearing something similar the last time she lay in a hospital bed losing a child. This was hurting her more though- a physical sense and a mental.
She didn't want to try again. That baby was her miracle, her beam of light in a life filled with darkness and more importantly, her road that took her back to Nick. Another baby would just be a replacement for the one she wanted the most. It felt numb and the news hadn't properly sunk in yet. She had so much love for the child she knew she was never going to give birth to or even bury the little body of the baby. She had nothing to show for her pregnancy other than a few scans that had the picture of her ball of cells in. But even Leanne knew that was a 'blink and you'll miss it' kind of thing. Because that was all Leanne's son or daughter was to anyone else. A ball of cells, an embryo, just another child that was cruelly stripped from their Mummy before even giving her a chance to love him or her.
Through her grief, Leanne's mind flitted to Carla. She had a miscarriage too. It was brutal, lonely and hurt her even now. At least Leanne had Nick to support her through this, as Carla and Peter had finished. But then again, at least Carla knew the gender of her baby- a girl. One little girl that she never met, but a daughter was what she had left from her pregnancy. If people were to ask, Carla could have given her baby a name and talk about her daughter as a person and not an 'it.' That's all Leanne had left of her baby. 'It' and so scans that hardly showed her baby. Not in the way Leanne saw her baby. Nobody would ever understand what she felt for her little tiny baby.
Nick moved and pulled her into his chest, crushing her with love and trying to block out her pain and take it away for her. She crumbled instantly. Tears flowing down Leanne's face and her body shook in Nick's arms as the feelings tumbled out.
It was quiet though. Still. The sound of Nick and Leanne's occasional sniffle filled the hospital room as they cried in each-others arms.
"My baby," Leanne whispered, her tears staining Nick's white shirt as she sobbed louder. "Our baby," she repeated. "Our little tiny baby," And with that, Leanne was gone; her tears were hysterical and she struggled to control her breathing anymore.
All Nick could do was hold her. Hold her until it all went away. But it didn't this time. She cried and sobbed until she felt the emptiness inside had gone away completely. It hadn't gone away for either of them, so they clung on tighter, crying louder.
That was it for their child. It was gone.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for leaving me such fantastic reviews and cheering me up!
This chapter was really heartbreaking to write but I needed to give you all something really interesting to sink your teeth into...and fast!
I didn't plan on making Leanne suffer a miscarriage, but I think it takes the story off into another direction that I had not originally thought of.
Please keep reviewing and I will try to update as soon as possible!
Plus, next time...
Was it Michelle or Peter that called the police on Tracy?
How will Nick and Leanne cope with their heartbreak?
Eva uses Leanne's heartache as a distraction. How long can she keep it up?
Find out soon!
