Picking Up The Pieces
Carla glared at the two people stood in front of her, her eyes flicking between Michelle and Peter, who could practically feel her fury and she hadn't even said a word. Tracy was being handcuffed against the police car that had parked right outside of the Rovers; in view of all the residents, enemies and the odd friend Tracy actually had.
"Please just get off," Tracy cried. "I didn't do this- she's lying! She's sick in the 'ead!" Carla's eyes snapped over to Tracy who was pointing directly at her.
Steve walked over to his wife, watching his ex-wife get bundled into a police car. "What's she done now?!" Steve said, sounding exasperated. He was certain having links to the Barlow family was disastrous and as if wasn't bad enough that Peter had gone to prison last year, it was Tracy's turn now.
"Are ya gonna tell 'im or shall I?" Carla asked Michelle, folding her arms and waiting for Michelle to nod.
"Chelle?" Steve said, waiting patiently.
"Tracy started the fire."
Carla shook her head at Michelle and Peter. "I told these two in confidence and one of 'em goes an' blabs to the police!"
Peter looked awkwardly at Michelle as Carla flicked her eyes between the two. "So who am I gonna batter then?!" Carla shouted. She hadn't wanted the awful truth to come out in such a brutal way; that was why she had told only the closest...two closest people to her because she assumed she could trust them to keep quiet. She assumed wrong.
"Carla," Peter began. "I can explain...I didn't..."
"So it were you then," Carla replied, rolling her eyes. "I didn't need a Robin Hood thanks Peter. I needed that when we were married...not now!"
"Carla, I can explain!" Peter protested, stepping forward bravely and reaching for her arm in the hope of stopping her from punching him.
"Explain what eh? That you lied to me, told me that you would keep my secret quiet and then run to the police to look like the hero? Knight in shining leather rides to the rescue!"
"No...Carla, just listen. Please!"
"To what Peter?!" Carla yelled. "Your feeble attempts at lying to me?! Not like you 'aven't got enough experience in that department. You aren't exactly known for swearing on oath and followin' it through are ya?"
"Carla, stop it!" Michelle roared. "It wasn't Peter. I did it!"
"Nick?" Leanne said quietly, looking around the room as she opened her eyes. She could just about make out that it was him.
He patted her arm and took her hand at the sound of his name. "I'm here Lea. Are you feeling okay? Do you need a doctor?"
Leanne sat up slowly, easing her body gently as the pain hit her stomach again. "Woah, Woah. One question at a time. Feel like I'm being bombarded."
"Sorry," Nick looked down at their intertwined hands. "For it all."
She shook her head. "It's not your fault. Remember?"
His teary eyes flicked up to meet her own. She could tell he'd been crying at some point. Crying on his own or crying with someone else she couldn't tell. Either way, she knew her boyfriend had been crying about the loss of their baby and she was well aware that she'd been doing the same too.
"Leanne," he whispered, sounding serious. Leanne knew that whenever he called her by her full name it was something important and when he stopped calling her 'Lea' that she ought to be worried. "You know how I feel about you."
Leanne nodded at him. "Yeah...and you know that I love ya an' all. More than anything else."
"But...do you still want to be with me?" Nick asked awkwardly. "I get it if you don't. I know you must feel like this is all my fault because I do too and I feel that it's always me that causes-"
"Nick!" Leanne interrupted, reaching for his hands and holding them with her own before cupping his face. "I love ya even if there is no baby okay? Even if there will never be a baby! It's you that I love, nobody else ever came close. Never."
He nodded in agreement and she removed her hands from his face to hug him tightly.
"I love you Leanne," he cried into her shoulder. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met."
Leanne smirked. "Oh aye, that's me. Like Cara Delevenigne- legs up to me armpits and a face that all men love. Drop dead eh?"
He laughed slightly too, remembering where they were and what had happened to her. The look on his face sad it all and she could tell he was about to cry too. "I love you Nick." She threw her arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly.
"We won't let this beat us," he whispered, nuzzling his face into her shoulder and speaking softly into her ear."Nothing is going to come between us ."
"David, that didn't look right before," Kylie admitted, walking with the kids and her husband.
"It'll be fine, stop stressing."
"Nick looked really worried though, what if Leanne has lost their baby?"
"She won't have- now stop worrying!"
Carla was still stood outside the pub, awaiting answers from Michelle.
"What the hell? Why Chelle? I would have expected him to lie but you? I trusted you!" Carla yelled, gesturing to Peter.
Michelle fumbled for the words. "I wanted to help, get you justice. You didn't deserve what Tracy had done."
"And do you think the Nazirs wanted to find out in the pub like that? Or Sophie, finding out through Norris?"
Michelle shook her head, her eyes turning wet and she began sniffling. "I thought I was doing what was right."
"You were sticking your flamin' nose in where it's not wanted!" Carla barked back, shoving her finger in Michelle's face.
Steve finally stepped in, wrapping his arm protectively around his wife. "That's enough! If you want to have a go at someone, blame Tracy- not me wife!"
"Fine!" Carla huffed, storming off towards her flat. She heard panting behind her and turned immediately, imaging Peter there behind her.
It wasn't Peter.
It was Gail.
"Y'alright there Gail?"
Gail struggled for her breath. "D'ya need an inhaler Gail?"
She shook her head so Carla continued. "Oxygen tank?"
"Have...Have you seen...Nick and Leanne?"
"No. Should I have? Are they Weatherfield's answer to Will and Kate?"
Gail frowned. "I think they went to the hospital."
"Hospital?!"
"Yeah, he rushed off to get her and now he won't pick up his phone."
"No sorry I haven't," Carla said. "Is it the baby?"
"I think so...it could be serious."
Carla knew what it meant. She'd been there too not so long ago and the fact Nick wasn't answering his phone suggested the result at the hospital wasn't a good one.
"Ah, never mind then." Gail walked off.
Carla held her keys to her flat in her hand but instead of walking home, she headed towards her car and climbed in.
Leanne rested her head against the pillow, allowing those final tears to fall slowly. She knew that they weren't going to be the final tears she ever shed but she hoped they would be for the time being. She hated being weak and the victim, but it was something Leanne Tilsley had done a lot more than Leanne Battersby ever had. Maybe it was Nick? Perhaps all of the heartache was linked to him and unintentionally they cause each other more pain and loss than anything else. But that was just how they worked together though; it always had been and would always be that way between them. They could go as far from the other and still find their way back to each other, and still manage to cause so much pain for the other.
Two. There were two children Leanne had now conceived and carried that were also Nick's. But more than anything, two children she had lost through different circumstances. Had aborting the first child hurt her more than losing the second? She wasn't sure. At least her second baby chose to opt out. The first had to do what Mummy and Daddy had decided and neither had fully gotten over the decision Nick had made. Maybe this miscarriage was payback for them. Payback from the past and as an exchange for the baby that would be sixteen now. It must have been an omen. Kids were just not something either of them were meant to have. Maybe it was how it was going to turn out. Leanne, Nick and a load of cats or budgies- that was what people without kids usually did instead. Although it could end up as just her and the many budgies. Because even Leanne, who could always read Nick like the Bistro specials board, couldn't determine what he was feeling. She wasn't sure if she should expect him to support her or dump her now there was no baby on the way. And that added on top of everything else made her cry again.
The tears were dropping even quicker now but Leanne had stopped noticing the droplets gather on her pillow. What she was noticing more was that she'd actually had two miscarriages in five years and it hadn't got any easier to go through, cope with and move on. But this time...this time she was praying it wouldn't be like the last; no infection would prevent her from possibly trying to have another child in the future and holding her back from motherhood. Because deep down,past all the pain, Leanne knew she would brush herself off and finally have a baby of her own with Nick. But it didn't mean she was going to put herself through it all straight away. She wasn't going to grab Nick when he came back and tell him to get her pregnant again right there and then. There had been enough trauma for one year and another pregnancy ending in a miscarriage would probably send Leanne over the edge.
The hospital pillow had sustained a large damp patch for a good few hours and it seemed as though the wet spot would be a permanent fixture. Unlike her baby.
Nick had promised her he wasn't going to be gone too long, collecting her some fresh clothes, toiletries and all the other things he had brought her just two weeks ago when they feared it was all over. Fourteen days on and it really was all over. There was no tiny tot on the way and all those hopes and dreams they'd both had were gone. So quickly and so cruelly fast they went from having it all to losing it all.
Leanne could only compare the feeling of loss to having delicate China slip between your fingers, crashing against the ground before you've even had chance to react to it and prevent it from happening . That was her baby for sure. A beautifully decorated, hand crafted China teacup that ended up smashed on the floor in a million pieces before she could even stop and catch it. She'd not even had chance to process what was going on until...until the very moment that it was too late and there was no chance of going back.
"Leanne?" A voice called, poking their head around the door, the long brunette locks of the woman tumbling down her shoulders; her own eyes deep and full of sympathy and honest understanding. If anyone would have known what Leanne was going through, Carla did.
"Yeah?" Leanne sniffed, her voice croaky as she lifted her head off the pillow, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and pulling the blanket closer to her body.
"I figured you'd like some tissues...and some chocolate," Carla said as she sat down in the chair beside Leanne's bed and raised the supermarket bag for the other woman to see.
"Chocolate?"
"It 's Halloween today. I'm probably the best lookin' trick or treater yer ever gonna get."
Leanne just about managed to raise a smile. "Thanks." She whispered, wiping her eyes and nose with a fresh tissue.
Carla put her hands on the bed. "It wasn't good news, was it?" She didn't sound as though she was gloating but as though she knew because if anybody knew, she bloody did. In all honesty, Carla knew the answer to her own question. She'd sat in a similar bed, in a similar room, crying in a similar way to Leanne and it didn't end well either.
Leanne shook her head and soon the tears returned. "The baby's gone." Leanne cried. "I...I...it were a miscarriage."
Carla reached her hands out and put them over Leanne's arm. She may have just lost a baby but it didn't mean that she had wiped the past from her memory; Carla knew the boundaries but for now, touching her arm was a step towards friendship. However being civil was a major improvement for them two and being in a room without knocking seven bells out of each other was practically a miracle. They could just imagine what the others would say if they walked in now.
"I'm so sorry," Carla said sympathetically. She knew damn well how Leanne was feeling; her aches were not just the sadness for losing a child again, but also the pain that came with it. She hurt everywhere and it didn't seem like it was going to end. "I know it won't make it any easier for me to say I'm sorry but I am."
Leanne shook her head and sniffed back her tears. "It's alright. There was nowt...nowt anyone could do. It were too late."
The other woman in the room nodded, knowing all too well what Leanne was meaning. Carla didn't know what to do at the time when it was her in the bed, miscarrying. Even now she hadn't figured out a way of making the loss easier for herself, or anyone else that had to suffer it. "I'm so sorry Leanne. What did the doctor say?"
Leanne took a deep breath and wiped her eyes on the duvet of the bed but she didn't dare look up and meet Carla's caring and sympathetic eyes. "Just the same ol' thing they always say. Ya know 'you can always try again' and 'these things just 'appen."
Carla nodded sadly. "It's 'ard to admit it but they're right. At least you still have Nick and he 'as you. I think you'd both be in a lot more pain if you'd lost each other."
Leanne stared straight off into the distance. "Five weeks."
"What?"
Leanne snapped out of her gaze and properly looked at her ex best mate. "Five weeks they said and we'd of known if it were a boy or a girl. That was all it was. Five little weeks. When I were lying down before I worked out that it's just thirty five days. I could 'ave been someone's Mum. A proper Mum y'know, with me own kid and they'd have a proper Dad an' all. We'd of been a perfect little family and it's all gone."
Carla hesitated. If only Leanne had seen what Carla had gone through because then she would have known exactly what loneliness felt like. When Carla sat in that hospital bed, bleeding and crying as the child she never thought she would want or could possibly love left her for good. "Listen, I know yer grieving and hurting but you've still got Nick and you two need to stick together 'cos I know what it feels like to 'ave nobody Leanne. Believe me, I know, I've been here, done this and worn the hospital gown. It's scary and lonely and you feel like the world's against ya; maybe it is you know. But you've got a wonderful boyfriend that adores ya. He must do 'cos he's married you more times than Take That 'ave had comebacks."
Leanne chuckled. "He does 'ave a look of Gary Barlow eh?"
Carla smiled too. "Yeah chick. If yer Bistro doesn't work out you could run a lookalike business. Weddings, private functions, hen do's ,the lot. You'd make a fortune."
Leanne grinned but it didn't stop her being reminded of why she was in the hospital bed. "Carla?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think Nick would still want to be with me even though I've...I've lost the...the baby?"
Carla nodded. "He'd be mad not to. And I was pretty mad too, trying to steal him from under ya. He's not me type anyway."
"It's alright. I'm sorry I've been such a cow to ya."
"When?" Carla joked. "There's been so many times."
"Oh thanks!" Leanne said. "But I mean it. Over the last few months I've been a right bitch to ya and I'm sorry."
Carla knew that Leanne was meaning the fire that wrecked her life and her beloved factory. "Well, none of it matters anymore. What matters is that you and Nick stick together and try to move on."
"Yeah, you're right. Carla? Can I ask you a question?"
"That is a question."
"I'm serious. How d'ya cope with it?"
Carla tilted her head, unsure at what Leanne was asking about. Her miscarriage? Or moving on from the disasters that had thrown themselves at Carla?
"Your daughter." Leanne almost whispered as though saying it quieter wouldn't upset Carla as much. The mention of her little girl stung but it wasn't about Carla now. It was about Nick and Leanne and their baby.
Carla nodded.
"How do you cope knowing that she could have been living here, now?"
"Well...it doesn't get any easier if that's what yer thinking," Carla admitted.
"Do you ever stop feeling so...so empty?" Leanne asked although she knew what a miscarriage had felt like and the after effects it caused.
Carla threw her hands up above her head. "I wish I knew Battersby. I wish I knew what it felt like to not feel as empty."
Leanne nodded. "So I'm not likely to get over it then?"
"Look...Leanne, you and Nick are made for each other and if you've managed to overcome everything you've gone through to get back together again, then surely you can give a baby another try? There's no stopping you, is there? He loves you like mad and I know that you feel the same way about him too."
"It's not just that," Leanne argued as she slumped back against the pillow on her bed. "It's everything. Can I really put meself through it all again? Finding out if I'm pregnant, carrying it, going through the morning sickness, doing all the scans and getting dead excited for a baby that never comes. Could I really put me and Nick through that all over again? No. I can't. We haven't even been back together twenty-four hours yet Carla; I don't want to lose him so soon. I have given up on Nick once before and I'm not about to do it again."
"Then give it time. Take things slowly and enjoy being with each other again- you know, get to know each other. Do what you want to do Leanne but make sure you're happy. And please, please just talk if ya can't cope with this. 'Cos I didn't talk when I should of. So use me as a warning on how not to live ya life cos look how much shit came my way after I lost my baby. If I'd have talked more about it I might have been able to deal with it better."
Leanne reached her hand out gingerly to touch Carla's in support. It was as though grazing her ex-best mate's hand would cure the unimaginable ache she had suffered when both her husband and daughter decided she was not enough to stick around for. It didn't take it all away, but it seemed that for once, they'd reached a truce and the two had downed any weapons they had. The ceasefire had begun for Leanne and Carla. Finally.
Carla headed back to the pub, feeling both glum and as those she had achieved all at once. She'd gone and spoken to her enemy, made sure she was okay an had managed to be civil to her too. She actually nipped he own arm just to check she wasn't somehow dreaming an that when she opened her eyes the illusion would be gone.
Sliding the doors open slowly, Carla stepped in and found Michelle behind the bar, biting her nails impatiently. Carla knew what that meant. Michelle had been stressed out since Carla had stormed off and hadn't been able to focus properly since.
"Carla," Michelle said, glancing up at dropping her hands. "I wondered where you'd got to."
Carla rolled her eyes at her best friend. "I went see someone. Have you told any other secrets of mine since I've been gone?"
Michelle shook her head and looked down at her high heeled boots. It made Carla laugh slightly because Michelle looked like she did when her dad caught her doing something she shouldn't have been...usually hanging around with the older boys. That was the look she'd give her dad- all puppy dog eyed and apologetic.
"I'm sorry," Michelle uttered. "I didn't want to let her cause you any more pain. You've been through too much already."
Carla understood more now. It was like the mother cub instinct in her bestest pal had overpowered her common sense and she had acted solely on impulse. And in a way, she was relieved Michelle had gone and done the thing she hadn't felt brave enough to do.
"S'okay," Carla replied. "I know you want to do what's best for me."
"I do- you're like the sister I never had."
"And sisters stick together." Carla finished, using the tag line they had when they were younger and the local chavs on the estate.
Michelle laughed. "Too right sis."
Nick made the short distance to his brother's house, carrying the weekend bag he had packed for Leanne, filled with all the important things he'd written down that she would want and need.
He rung the doorbell, practising how he would deliver the awful news to his family because it hadn't yet sunk in for him either.
"Nick." David said, opening the door to his brother.
"Hiya David. Can I come in please?"
"Who is it?" Gail yelled. "Tell 'em to go away!"
"It's Nick ya daft old bat!" David barked back.
"Oh! Then let him in!" Gail replied, rushing to the door and guiding her son in. "What's happened sweetheart, is Leanne okay?"
Kylie, Sarah, David and Bethany all glanced up to listen.
"Leanne?" Bethany asked. "What's she done? Had another affair?"
"Bethany!" Sarah snapped. "It may be true but we don't say it!"
"Soz," Bethany replied.
Nick shook his head slowly. "She phoned me earlier, said she had stomach pains. I took her to the hospital and...and she's had a miscarriage."
The happy smiling faces in the room soon fell and the mood did too.
"Oh Nick," Gail whimpered. "Sweetheart. How are you coping?"
Kylie looked equally as gutted and so did Sarah. "I'm so sorry Nick- I really hope she's alright." His sister said.
"Yeah, David and I saw ya before and I thought something wasn't right. Is there anything we can do?"
Nick nodded. "Just keep this between us all. Lea and I need some time to get used to it and I'd appreciate it if we waited until we told Gran. I think it would be a bit of a shock to her."
They all nodded in unison.
"Course we will bro," David kindly said. "We'll do whatever to help."
"Thanks," Nick spoke before he left his family and bumped into Eva who was chatting to Peter outside the corner shop. He couldn't even avoid them because they'd already sent him and foolishly, he'd dumped his car right outside the Bistro.
Uh-oh, Eva had seen him.
"Nick!" She squealed loudly. "Where's Leanne? She's not picking up her phone."
Nick made his way over, bracing himself to tell the news again. He should have made a recording that he could have just played whenever anybody asked what had happened.
"She's erm...she phoned me earlier because she had tummy pains. I took her to hospital...it was a miscarriage."
Eva and Peter gasped at the same time.
"Is she okay?" Eva asked. "I want to see her."
"Shall I tell Simon?"
Nick shook his head. "I think you should both wait. Leanne needs some space and I don't think she wants Simon finding out yet. He's only just overcome his issues."
Peter nodded. "Okay. I'll make sure he's looked after for Leanne then."
"Thanks."
"I'm sorry Nick," Eva wept. "I didn't think that could happen to her. Because she'd come so close but it had all been fine in the end. I'm well gutted."
"I know," Nick sighed. "But she needs support, not pity."
"You're right." Peter agreed. "I'm sorry mate."
"Thanks," Nick replied, thanking somebody for the hundredth time in one day. He hated saying it now.
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