Yugi: Hey guys. We're finally back! We know it's been a while, but I'll explain everything soon. PD would do it, but she's been saying the same thing for the past two weeks and will not stop.
Next time, we'll get back to answering reviews. For now, thank you Thedarkpokemaster, Saffira Artemis, CorinnetheAnime, The Richmaster, S Danyal Allen, Official Light Warrior, Skylinemaster, Andrey258, EAH Rebel, YumiStar, Zombyra, Above the Winter Moonlight, Luckyinugirl, FANactic Writer, The Millenium Master, Reydrago, Louisa, Personumberone, Zekeram12, 13emstr, bunnychu15, KorrieChan, ryo tadagachi, dragon fang 12, AHappyPerson, Itachiforever342, PrincessElle17, rowbat sevenfold, TTY7, almostinsane, Tabatha Ackley, Wolf and MR Lover, LadyRaider92, TheLoZKing, Lord Darth Yoda, and all the guests.
Nothing here is owned by PD, enjoy!
-Abridged series.-
"Mind speaking"
Normal dialogue
"You gotta be kidding me, a C- !?" Joey asked loudly.
"That's what you get for not studying," Tea said back. Joey kept grumbling to himself as the gang arrived at the game shop.
"Seems like now I could go for another video," Joey said. Everyone followed Yugi upstairs to the computer, where they got the next video up and started.
-Yami: Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series. According to Wikipedia, we don't exist. – "Really?" Tea asked as she took out her phone. "Oh wow, they don't have a page for this. Someone should fix that. This defiantly deserves more attention."
"Yeah sorry, we already made all those jokes back in another video," Joey said as Spiny Norman appeared.
-Strangler: Hey punk! This card isn't Graceful Charity, it's Graceful Dice!-
-Guy: Really? I guess I got them confused, but you can't really blame me. They're very similar.-
-Strangler: Like hell they are! Graceful Dice has a dice on it, whereas Graceful Charity does not have a dice! You sir are a fool! – "Hey, they fixed their mistake. That's actually pretty cool," Yugi said. "Although I don't know if I'd call him a fool for that."
-Mokuba: Stop fighting!-
-Strangler: Who the hell are you?-
-Mokuba: I'm the commissioner for the Battle City Tournament. What I say goes, and I say you have to buy me a pet rabbit because my big brother won't let me have one. – "Aw, I can see Mokuba having a rabbit with him," Tea said.
"Although Kaiba, not as much," Tristan added.
-Strangler: Nuts to your rabbit!-
-Kaiba: Oh Mokuba. Are you abusing your power of position again? – "I don't think you're one to talk," Joey said.
-Mokuba: Seto!-
-Strangler: Kaiba!-
-Kaiba: Sorry if my brother is bothering you. He does that, a lot. To show my sympathy, I'd like to offer you all the trading cards you'll ever need, but only if you duel me in return.-
-Strangler: This couldn't possibly be some form of trap, I accept! – "I have a feeling you're gonna regret those words," Yugi said.
"Especially since Kaiba just killed a puppy!" Joey said as everyone looked at the caption.
"Oh no, poor puppy," Tea said jokingly. "And considering how many times we've seen Kaiba smile, this could turn deadly really quick," she the realized.
-Kaiba: I only need to play a single card, even though summoning an Egyptian God requires me to sacrifice monsters, and is therefore impossible to do in the first turn. – "And not only that, you're not allowed to attack on the first turn either," Yugi said. "Even the god cards have to follow the basic rules."
-Kaiba: Now you get to enjoy years of painful and upsetting therapy. Come Mokuba, let's go get you that pet tarantula.-
-Mokuba: You mean rabbit, right Seto?-
-Kaiba: You're getting a tarantula and you will like it. – "I think I'd prefer the rabbit," Tea said.
"I probably prefer… wait, that beat sounds familiar…" Tristan started as the title played.
"Oh no, the 90's have returned," Joey said.
"Is this one going to reference Fresh Prince all throughout?" Tristan asked.
"Only one way to find out," Yugi responded.
-Yami: Hey, a magic show! This looks slightly less depressing than watching Joey duel. – "Eh? Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Joey asked. He turned towards Yugi, who had switched out with Yami. Yami looked around for a moment.
"Alright, what did it say this time?" he asked, to which the others responded by laughing.
-Clown: Hello Yugi, we've been expecting you. Come this way, my master is waiting. – "Uh, that clown's lips aren't moving," Tristan pointed out.
"Almost like he wasn't supposed to talk," Tea added.
"…You're right," Yami said just noticing this.
-Yami: I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'gay clown.' I have a bad feeling about this. – "Considering the last 'gay clown' you encountered, I would be thinking the same thing," Tristan added.
-Mokuba: Seto!-
-Kaiba: What?-
-Mokuba: Yugi just dropped off our sensors. We can't locate him, he's disappeared.-
-Kaiba: Somehow this is your fault. If I wasn't so busy buying you a scorpion, this never would've happened.-
-Mokuba: But I thought we were getting a tarantula.-
-Kaiba: It's always about what you want, isn't it Mokuba. – "Hey, Mokuba does a lot of work around here. And he did a lot for the tournament as well. I would reward him if I were Kaiba," Tristan said.
"But you aren't Kaiba," Tea said.
-Yami: Okay, where am I now? Huh? – "…What's going on?" Joey asked, a little creeped out.
-Billy: Hello Yugi, I want to play a little game. – "Oh no, no no no no no no. Don't drag us into that!" Joey added.
-Yami: You have got to be kidding me!-
-Arkana: It's no joke Yugi. My name is Arkana, Steve Arkana and soon your Dark Magician will belong to me.-
-Yami: That's about as likely as Battlestar Galactica having a satisfying conclusion. – "As what having a satisfying conclusion?" Tea asked. Everyone shrugged their shoulders.
-Arkana: I have special orders from my mysterious employer to make this a real spectacle Yugi.-
-Yami: Dude, this show has maybe two villains. It hardly takes a genius to figure out you're working for Marik.-
-Arkana: Behold! I had this duel arena specially designed for our match. Now let's begin by shuffling our cards in a needlessly dramatic fashion.-
-Yami: Way ahead of ya. – "Can you imagine every duelist shuffling their cards like that before every duel?" Tristan said.
"Happens more often than you think," Yami replied.
-Arkana: You know, there's an old saying amongst high rollers in card sharks. Always trust your opponents, but only after you've cut their deck.-
-Yami: Yeah well here's another saying. Go f*ck yourself Arkana. – "Um… if that's a so-called saying, it's something you'll never hear me say," Yami said.
"Eh, I don't know. I can see you using that phrase with all the other weirdos we've seen," Joey responded.
Yami turned towards him. "You don't really mean that, do you?"
"Maybe…" Joey said chuckling a little. Yami smiled and shook his head.
-Arkana: You'll regret those words once you realize that this duel is about more than cards. It's also about survival, because in case you hadn't already guessed, this episode is a parody of the Saw franchise.-
-Yami: Didn't this already happen in episode ten? – "Oh man, it feels like such a long time ago," Tristan said.
"Yeah, feels like it's been a year since we saw that one," Tea added.
-Arkana: These are dark energy disks. Every time you lose life points, the disk will move closer to your body.-
-Yami: You're trying to slice off my legs and make me bleed to death? That's a little hardcore for a kids show isn't it? – "That does sound pretty hardcore." Joey said.
"True, but that's not what happened," Yami said.
"Eh? Well then what did happen?" Joey asked.
-Arkana: The dark energy disk is totally harmless. All it will do is send your immortal soul to the Shadow Realm. Your physical body will remain unharmed. – "That's what the disks did," Yami said.
"I see. Always the Shadow Realm," Joey said. "But if that's the case, then why bring up the bit about slicing your legs off in the video?"
-Yami: Honestly, are there no depths to which 4kids won't sink? – "Wait… were those disks really supposed to slice off my legs?" Yami asked.
"If that's the case, then that Arkana guy lied to ya Yug."
"I don't think he lied. I think 4kids had something to do with it again," Tea said.
"Both ways are pretty terrifying though," Tristan pointed out.
-Kaiba: Don't worry Mokuba. My harem of female robots will locate Yugi in no time. – There was silence until Tea spoke up. "Well… uh… that brings along a new image of Kaiba…"
-Mokuba: You have a harem Seto?-
-Kaiba: Yes, I created them specifically so that I can shun them with my cold indifference. – "Kind of a waste of all that money," Tristan said.
"Yeah, but of course, rich boy can make it up in no time," Joey said.
-Mokuba: Big bro, you're kind of like the anime version of Scrooge Mcduck, only much less fluffy.-
-Kaiba: I know. – "…That's surprisingly accurate," Tristan said.
-Yami: Since you're such a big fan of plot twists, you're going to love my next card. Behold, the first appearance of the Dark Magician Girl! Inspiring countless failed attempts at cosplaying the world over! – "Mmm, I disagree. I've seen a lot of people cosplay as her, and they're pretty well made," Yami said.
"Yeah… but hopefully not well enough for that to happen!" Joey said as the quote appeared on the screen.
"Ugh, I don't even want to think about that," Tea said looking away.
-Arkana: Your plot twists pale in comparison to mine. How can you possibly hope to defeat a movie franchise that earns over 100 million dollars every year?-
-Yami: I see, then the only way to defeat you is to spoil every plot twist in existence, thereby ridding the general public of any desire to see your convoluted mess of a movie series. – "What? Is this video going to spoil movies?" Tea asked.
"At least put a spoiler alert at the beginning of the video," Tristan added.
-Arkana: You wouldn't dare!-
-Yami: Wanna bet? Snape kills d… - Everyone then laughed as the spoiler was interrupted. "Okay, that's how you do a spoiler joke," Joey said.
-Yami: Nicole Kidman is a ghost, and Rosebud is the sled.-
-Arkana: No! He's spoiling all the best plot twists. – "Well, at least they spoiled stuff that pretty much everyone knows," Tea said.
"Guys… I haven't seen those two movies," Tristan said.
"Neither have I, and I'm not sure if Yugi has either. He might have just heard those," Yami said. It didn't take long for Joey and Tea to realize what just happened.
Tristan and Yugi got spoiled.
"Oh wow, sorry guys. Guess I was wrong," Tea said.
"It's fine, not your guy's fault," Tristan replied.
-Solomon: Hello small child, I don't suppose you've seen the plot anywhere, have you? Tea and I have been looking everywhere for it.-
-Tea: We're such invaluable characters. The plot can't possibly move forward without us.-
-Mokuba: Don't worry, my big brother knows exactly where…-
-Solomon: Shut up Mokuba!-
-Mokuba: No! You shut up! – Everyone's mouth was open. "Finally," Tristan said, breaking the silence. "That's the Mokuba we know."
"True, but of all the people he had to say it too, it was Yugi's grandpa," Joey added.
-Mokuba: Oh god I'm so sorry.-
-Tea: Did you just tell an old man to shut up?-
-Solomon: Where are your manners? – "Uh, where are your manners? Telling people to shut up, doesn't sound like manners to me. Uh, no offense to your gramps Yug."
"I know," Yami replied.
-Arkana: Help! Somebody save me from the harmless dark energy disks that won't kill me! – "Well the Shadow Realm is still a horrible place to be stuck in," Tristan said.
-Yugi: Super special awesome rescue!-
-Bakura: I say Yugi, - "Oh no!" Tea interjected, already knowing where this was going. -can I be in this episode? – "AGH!" everyone once again said turning away. -Oh Buggeration! – "Okay, that's too much for Bakura," Yami said.
"How about I take over again," Yugi said. Yami nodded and let him have the reigns.
"Glad he didn't have to see that," Tea said.
-Yugi: Huh, I guess 4kids forgot to censor them after all. – "Ugh, now I'm more confused than ever! Were those disks Shadow Realm disks or not!?" Joey said scratching his head with both hands.
"You weren't even there, why do you care about whether they were or not?" Tristan said.
"Anyone who messes with my best friend has to answer to me as well!" Joey said. Yugi chuckled in response.
"Thanks Joey."
-Marik: We meet again little Yugi, again.-
-Yugi: Die monster, you don't belong in this world.-
-Marik: It is not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was brought back by humans who wish to pay me tribute.-
-Yugi: Tribute? You steal men's souls and make them your slaves.-
-Marik: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions.-
-Yugi: Your words are as empty as your soul. Mankind ill needs a savior such as you.-
-Marik: What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets? But enough of this, I'm outta here. – Everyone just sat there. "…Okay…" Tea said. "That was …uh… a deep conversation…"
-Yugi: Hey, get back here and take your henchman with you.-
-Tea: Yugi, we found you!-
-Solomon: Are we interrupting something. – Everyone turned towards Tristan. "Yeah, good question. How did you get there?" Yugi asked.
"Well isn't it obvious? I… uh…" Tristan started. "Weird, I don't remember."
-Yugi: This totally isn't what it looks like.-
-Marik: Yugi is so foolish thinking he can kick my ass. How can he possibly hope to compete with my army of celebrity Steves? – "I'm pretty sure these guys have better things to do than help Marik," Tristan said as the Steve's were being named.
-Marik: With their combined Steve power, I shall be unstoppable. Now watch fangirls as I strip. – "Oh please don't!" Tea said turning away.
-Marik: Yeah, get a load of that back. You EFFing love it, don't you? – "…No I don't," Yugi said.
"Oh hey, this again. Is there a full version of this song?" Tristan asked.
"Probably," Tea said.
"Huh, the words on Marik's back stand for 'the Yugi the'," Yugi said, "… Nope, doesn't make it better."
-Yami Marik: No TV and no beer make Homer something something.-
-Ishizu: Go crazy?-
-Yami Marik: Don't mind if I do! – "You're going to end up regretting those words Ishizu," Joey said.
-Bakura: Can I have my legs back now? – "Now I really hope that's the last time we see something like that," Tea said.
"I wonder how these videos will handle my next duel. Oh man, it'll be when I encountered Slifer for the first time," Yugi realized.
"I have a duel too, against Weevil," Joey said. "I guess we'll have to see whose duel it's going to be."
"Can't wait," Yugi said.
Yugi: And with that, another chapter is done. Now, why was this so late? Long story short, PD lost her writing motivation for a while, but now it is back. I'm sure she could tell you a lot more. Let me check and see if she has calmed down. *opens door* PD, are you…?
DSOD WAS FUCKING AMAZING! DSOD WAS FUCKING AMAZING! DSOD WAS FUCKING AMAZING!
Yugi: *Closes door* Okay, maybe not. Anyways, we'll see you all in the next chapter (this time it shouldn't take as long).
Next time – Episode 31: Perfectly Ultimate Bunghole. Duel standby!
