Chapter Seventeen - Supalonely
Disclaimer - I don't own anything Twilight-related, that all belongs to one Stephanie Meyer
I know I f- up, I'm just a loser
Shouldn't be with ya, guess I'm a quitter
While you're out there drinkin', I'm just here thinkin'
'Bout where I should've been
I've been lonely, mm, ah, yeah
Supalonely- Benee
I never thought of myself as someone who would get into whittling but here I was once again with Emmett, cross-legged on the forest floor.
I had spent the morning with Addy and Kate while the Cullens were at school pretending to be human.
There seemed to be something they wanted to tell me but whenever I would press them to spill whatever it was, they would just giggle and smirk, telling me I'll find out soon enough.
Emmett and I had taken to sitting in the same spot for our new activity, and whilst Emmett might have been content to sit on the wet ground, I was not. Alice helped me gather a few blankets and pillows, and floated around like a mother hen making sure I had a hat firmly on my head and scarf tightly wrapped around my neck.
"Don't want you to get a cold!" She clucked.
It was quite amusing to look at I'm sure. Emmett's hulking frame, unbothered by the cold and the wet, in light clothing sitting on one side of the clearing, and me on the other, eyes barely visible under my cocoon of blankets.
Kate had given me some CDs to borrow, and so asking very nicely, Rosalie allowed me to borrow her portable CD player. The music playing in the background helped block out the arguments between me and my vampire pal, as we tried to tell each other what to do.
"That's even worse than mine!" Emmett laughed.
Offended, I looked at him, clutching my attempt at a horse close to my chest. "You take that back!"
I had discovered that it was Emmett who had given Jasper the badly made wooden horse which sat in his office. It was quite sweet that despite it not being a masterpiece, Jasper still kept his brother's gift in view.
I decided I wanted to add to the collection, though as I was quickly discovering, I had perhaps overestimated my skills. Still, if I just kept thinking it would turn out well, surely it would, right?
Despite my protests to Alice and Esme, the rain soon got too heavy for me to sit outside any longer, and they brought me into the house, teeth shattering. Esme had a warm cup of hot chocolate waiting for me once I had changed (She had gotten much better at making hot drinks. The coffee even looked normal now) which was greatly appreciated, warming my fingers which were bright red and stiff from the cold.
I grumbled as Emmett teased me, "It's okay Clara, you are only human after all. Forgot you're all too soft to handle a bit of heavy weather."
"Shut up." I snapped, ignoring the snickering by sipping on my drink. I shivered in pleasure at the warmth flooding my veins. I wrapped a blanket around myself once more.
The spot on the sofa beside me dipped slightly as Alice curled up beside me, leaning on her hand. "So let's see what you did."
"No."
"Why not!" She demanded affronted. "I've already seen what it looks like in my head!"
"Then no need to show you."
"Show her what?" Jasper asked entering the room, followed by Rose.
"Nothing!" I began to say but was cut off by Alice.
"She made you a present!" She grinned, ignoring my furious stare as I whipped around to her.
"This should be interesting," Rose said, floating across the room to Emmett who awaited with open arms. I pursed my lips to stop smiling at the affection the two shared. It was interesting to watch Emmett bring out the side of Roselie which most people don't see.
"Babe, I have something for you." Emmett turned to grab his whittling project, and I held my breath. "It's a Rose."
I could see Alice and Jasper desperately hiding their smirks at Emmett's innocent cheesey-ness, but all I could do was worry he was about to get his heart torn out (perhaps literally) by Rosalie. His rose looked a little more like something that came out of the tail end of a dog. Rose stared at it as she took it from Emmett's hold.
I couldn't help but gawk as Rosalie smiled brightly, genuinely. She held the gift with such care and rose on her toes to kiss Emmett on the cheek. "Thank you Em, I love it. You've improved!"
"Do you think?" He was like a puppy.
Alice leaned over "That's the fourth attempt he's given her."
I had to keep my mouth firmly closed from audibly 'awh'ing.
Watching the sweet couple in front of me, I pushed my hair back out of my face contemplating. I clutched the wooden horse in my lap like a child, hidden from view by the blanket. Then with a breath, I turned to Jasper.
I huffed, feeling awkward, "I don't know why I decided to copy Emmett of all people, or why you're a horse boy, but…" I pulled the horse out from its cover, not quite giving it away yet.
"He's from Texas if you couldn't tell by the Southern Accent," Emmett commented from across the room.
"Wow. You know that makes a lot of sense. I really should have got that before now."
Jasper smirked, "I'm sure there were other things about me that would have caught your notice first."
I rolled my eyes, but held the horse up to him, the awkwardness slowly leaving my body, "Well here you go cowboy. You enjoy that. Maybe I'll give you more. Soon you'll have enough to open an exhibit of carved horses."
He took it from me, the contrast between my reddened fingers and his pale graceful ones just another one of the many giveaways of our mortal and immortal differences.
He tilted his head forward, hand raised to tip an imaginary cowboy hat, "Thank you kindly ma'am" The exaggerated Texan accent made me laugh.
"Well, now I really need to see you in a hat and some cowboy boots."
"Maybe a little vest as well," Alice added.
"I'm sure he has a hideous cowboy outfit hidden away in his closet. Probably wears it every once in a while." Rose quipped.
Emmett mimicked taking a gun from a holster and firing it from the hip toward Jasper.
"I think you would be a brilliant cowboy, Emmett." I laughed.
"Obviously." Rosalie brushed invisible dirt from Emmett's top, "He would be a brilliant anything."
Emmett lifted her into a hug, causing her to giggle furiously.
I'm more than certain I, Alice and Jasper all simultaneously gagged.
"Get a room, you two." Alice hissed.
Rosalie turned to us with not an ounce of embarrassment, "It isn't our problem that you three are perpetually alone."
"Ouch!" I clutched my chest in faux pain. "Tell us how you really feel Rosalie."
The rest of the afternoon flew by and it was soon time for me to pick up Addy and head to work, much to Esme's disappointment (She was hoping to attempt a dinner for me. Won't lie, I wasn't completely upset at missing out).
On my way back from the bathroom, I peeked into Jasper's office. He wasn't there, but my gift was. My badly made horse sat front and centre on his desk.
I bit my lip, grinning, a giddy feeling coming over me. A feeling I hadn't felt in quite some time.
Oh no.
I think I have a crush on Jasper Hale.
I leaned against the door frame, let out a loud sigh. "Well, this isn't good."
"What isn't?"
Speak of the Devil.
I turned to him, still smiling, "I was just thinking how much better your gift would look with a mini hat."
"You'll just have to make one then, won't you?"
The rain hadn't let up for the rest of the day, though I wasn't going to complain. That just meant fewer customers in the shop, and more time for Addy, Joe and me to play tabletop football. Joe could have left earlier when we arrived to relieve him of his shift, but he insisted he wanted to stay and hang out.
Strange boy. I wouldn't want to spend any more time here than I had to but to each their own. He seemed… not himself the whole time. Nervous or on edge. After getting the same answer of 'nothing' after asking if he was okay multiple times, I decided to drop it, but I couldn't help but notice the funny looks Addy was giving Joe the whole time.
They had their heads together as I ran toward them in the parking lot, the shop behind me closed up for the night.
Joe saw me approaching and straightened up. My smile dropped into a look of shock as he shouted my name.
"Clara! I have something to ask you."
I could see Clara's exasperated expression as she mouthed 'WHAT are you doing?' to his back
"Um… Okay?"
He sort of stared at me awkwardly, rubbing his palms on his jeans.
"Joe?" I prompted, very aware of the rain seeping into my clothes, sending chills through my limbs.
He looked nervously back toward Addy for what I assumed was moral support, though Addy looked as though she found his situation both hilarious and infuriating.
He turned back, "You… Uh… You remember what happened in Port Angeles right?"
Addy facepalmed, I laughed. "Well obviously! I threw up everywhere and ended up with the worst hangover of my life."
"Oh… Well, anything else?" He looked at me hopefully. I furrowed my brows in confusion, not able to relocate much more than loud music, bright lights and lots of alcohol.
"No? Why? Did you do something you shouldn't have Joe? If you're looking me to verify something for you, I'm afraid I'm not going to be very reliable." I said, amused.
He didn't seem to know what to say. A shiver ran through me. "Uh, guys," I wrapped my arms around myself, "Can this conversation wait? This rain is just getting heavier and I don't want to stand in it much longer. I want to get home and have a bath."
Addy dragged Joe and his kicked puppy expression to his car, and as I drove in a different direction from them, I couldn't help but feel extremely confused.
What was that about?
I'll ask him tomorrow at work.
I sunk into a nice warm bath when I got home and enjoyed some leftovers with my mom in front of the TV. I put in the rest of the night by continuing my 'secret' painting project for the Cullen's (mostly Esme), accidentally spilling paint over my bedroom floor. The painting was constantly evolving, becoming bigger and bigger as more ideas sprang to my mind with each passing day I spent with the Cullens.
It had been a good night. Up until I got into bed. With nothing to distract me from my thoughts, I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to my earlier revelation.
A crush on Jasper Hale.
What was I thinking! How could this even happen after everything that had gone on? After all of the times, he has made it clear he has no interest in humans or their existence. And by extension me. That should be off-putting in and of itself.
But is that true?
He had become a lot nicer recently. More open and accepting. It doesn't feel like he hates my presence. But then maybe he's just putting on a show for Alice.
They did seem close…
My fingers clenched around my pillow, feeling slight annoyance at the thought of Alice and Jasper together. Looking even more perfect as a couple, than they do on their own.
I unclenched my fingers, shocked at my swift change of emotion. Must be the thought of another vampire couple about the place that is irritating me. Then it would just be me and Edward as the only loners.
Yes, that must be it. There would be too many couples… that's all.
I rolled over in bed, pushing the thoughts from my brain. I let out a breath through my nose.
Besides, it's only a crush. I mean, who wouldn't have one. The man's gorgeous.
He's just nice to look at. Nothing more.
I don't even enjoy spending time with him that much.
I don't.
It's just a crush. Everyone has them. Doesn't mean anything.
The image of the horse sitting on his desk sprung to my mind and I smiled without even knowing.
My smile dropped.
I sat up, resting my elbows on my knees, massaging my temples.
"Ugh!" I threw back my blankets and rose from the bed. I walked as quietly as possible down the stairs so I wouldn't wake my mom, and went straight to the kitchen sink. I closed my eyes, splashing cold water on my face, willing these stupid thoughts away. I stood leaning against the sink for a bit, just enjoying the quiet.
Wish my brain would be quiet.
I walked toward the clock that hung on the wall not far from the front door of the house. It was 01:00 am and I had work in the morning.
Stupid Jasper, this is all his fault.
I looked from the clock sighing and out the window and into the night.
There were two things that I noticed at this moment -
One, the rain had finally stopped.
And two, Edward Cullen was about to climb in through Bella Swan's bedroom window.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
I had obviously screamed incredibly hard in my head, because I have never seen Edward move so fast, his eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.
The next moment he was on the opposite side of the glass, a look of desperation on his face.
Baffled, I quietly unlocked the door and exited onto the porch.
"What the hell are you doing!" I asked, my brain instantly jumping to the worse case scenarios.
Oh God, was he about to bite her!?
"No!" He hissed at me.
"Well don't look so offended! You're the one about to climb in someone's window!" I whispered furiously back at him.
"Why are you even awake! Don't you sleep like a normal person?"
"What? Hoping everyone was asleep so you wouldn't get caught?" I shot back, "Anyway, you're the one with the mind-reading thing. You should have heard me."
"But I listened… There was no one awake…" He furrowed his brows, expressions flitting across his face at a fast pace that I could barely keep up. He looked like an animal being caged.
"Look. Would you calm down?" I said, still furious, but slightly more gentle. "But do explain quickly, because as I'm sure you can hear, I am freaking out just slightly."
He paced slightly, eyes darting from Bella's window to me. I almost wished I could hear his thoughts. I don't think I'd ever seen so much emotion from Edward, and that in and of itself was slightly unnerving.
He stopped, turning to me, "Why does Bella not want to go to the dance with those human boys?"
"Uh…" I crossed my arms, baffled, "What?"
"I… I can't hear her thoughts. It's infuriating." His brows furrowed, and he was lost in his thoughts. Edward swiftly sat on one of the porch steps, and after a beat, I followed suit, not sitting too close, hoping he wouldn't get uncomfortable.
I awkwardly shuffled, looking anywhere but beside me. "So, I'm not sure what the dance is, or who all these boys seem to be, but knowing Bella, she doesn't seem like someone who would want to go to a dance regardless of who was asking."
I peaked at Edward, seeing no reaction, I continued, "Besides, I think there's only one boy who she thinks about most of the time. And he seems pretty infuriating to be honest."
Understanding who I was referring to, Edward turned his head, eyebrow raised.
I grinned, "Why do you even care who asks Bella to some high school dance anyway? Didn't think that was your scene either? You're all dark and brooding and shit." I elbowed him, eyebrows wriggling, "Did you want to ask her? Dude you give off some seriously mixed signals."
"No. I could never…" His face wrinkled in disgust, "I'm a monster."
I tried really hard, I did, but I couldn't help the snort of laughter that slipped out of me at his words. If I wasn't so amused, I would have cringed back at his furious look.
"I'm serious!" He hissed.
"Yeah, I can tell. Don't be so melodramatic dude."
"I'm not-"
"Life must be pretty miserable, never allowing yourself to be like, happy and stuff."
I leaned my head on my knees, watching his sad expression carefully.
"I'm not good… I don't deserve it… but it's becoming so difficult to stay away."
I twisted my mouth, "Alice told me. About what she saw about you and Bella. Is that what you're talking about?"
He said nothing.
I shrugged awkwardly, "I dunno if you like her so much or whatever, you could just ask her on a date or something. You know, instead of just climbing in through her window."
"...I don't see how it could work. I could never forgive myself if I… hurt her."
"Well, I've news for you bro. I'm pretty sure the way you're treating her at the moment is hurting her." He grimaced, but I continued, "You could always just be friends. Or classmates who talk, maybe help each other with homework or something. You know, typical high school stuff. If I can manage to survive your crazy household, then I think Bella could handle an occasional conversation with you. She's tougher than you give her credit for.
"I think…" he was whispering now, fragile, "I think I might… love… her."
"God, High School really has made you like a hormonal teenager."
He looked at me unimpressed, "You're not very good at making me feel better."
"That's not true! I'm just putting my many years of experience to good use. I am older than you after all, right?"
"Uh-huh." He had calmed now, the caged animal, free. "There is something about her that makes me feel… different. Somewhat normal even. I can't remember the last time I felt something so stupidly human-like jealousy. Over some mortal boys." He laughed, "that sounds pretty pathetic doesn't it."
I thought back to earlier, the thoughts that swirled my mind of Alice and Jasper, and the jealousy I felt.
"No, I don't think that sounds pathetic at all. Pretty human actually." I smiled ruefully, turning to Edward expecting a snide comment. It was only when I looked at his surprised and amused expression that I realised he had heard my thoughts and I cringed.
Seeing his mouth open, I lifted my hand, covering his lips, "DON'T SPEAK."
I could feel his mouth lift into a smile, as his body moved as he silently laughed.
"Just pretend you never heard that okay? Nothing to see here, lets's just move along and continue talking about your pathetic love life okay?"
I stared at him desperately for a few seconds, hoping my unblinking look got it into his big head that I didn't want to talk about it.
I slowly took my hand away, and turned away immediately, thankful for the cool air on my heated cheeks. I pouted, grumpy, annoyed at myself for giving away such information to Edward of all people.
"Well…" He said slyly, "Seems I'm not the only one with a pathetic love life."
I moved to punch him in the arm, but all I hit was air. He stood in front of me now, much more relaxed, smiling even. It was nice. He had a nice smile.
"You suck." I stuck my tongue out at him.
"I'll keep your secret if you keep mine." He offered.
"Fine," I grumbled, hands hugging my face in humiliation. "As long as you promise not to do anything creepy like climb in girls' windows."
"Duly noted," He cringed, but had a lighter tone as he continued, "Goodnight Clara. Do try not to dream of my brother too much. I'd hate to have to listen to you think about it."
"Asshole." He zoomed off in the wind and I whispered after him "Goodnight Edward."
These vampires, they will be the death of me.
