Hey,
I know it's been a while and whilst I know I don't have to give explanations for my absence, I've always strived to be honest and open about matters such as mental health. Normalising it is extremely important, especially to me.
If you've been around a while, you'll know that I've struggled with my mental health on and off over the years. Anxiety and depression have long been friends of mine and, unfortunately, they are frequent visitors at the moment. I'm not ashamed to say I've found life more tough than usual lately and have found it hard to even get out of bed some days, let alone do anything productive. Writing has firmly been on the back burner because I didn't want to write. I didn't want to do anything.
But I'm pushing through it. I'm getting help, I'm on medication and starting therapy again.
I will be posting the remaining chapters of this story in quick succession. I've had them drafted for a long time but I had to flesh them out, which I've now down. So expect there to be several updates over the coming weeks. However, they may not be to my usual quality. I won't be going OTT with edits, simply because I want to wrap this story up. You guys deserve it.
I hope you enjoy what I post. I'm forever grateful for your support and readership.
Much Love,
Chelsea x
It was difficult trying to concentrate at work on Friday morning. Not only was I still buzzing with the shock of the last few days and finding out about the little bean growing inside me, I was also getting distracted by the uneasy feeling swirling through the office. Since the news of the impending sale, there had been nervousness in the air but nothing like what it was that morning.
Something was off and I realised it was stemming from Mark.
He was rushing around like a fly desperate for an exit, but no one could sense why. He was usually built like a swan – elegant and stress-free on the surface, but underneath you could tell he was frantic.
Today, he was one hundred percent frantic. Inside and out. I had never seen him like this and it was making me anxious.
"We're fucked."
Mark blew out a growl as he dropped into the chair opposite me. He shook his head hard, his eyes underlined with heavy bags.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"We're done," he shrugged. "I've just got off the phone to the lawyers. Savidge's wife is done. She has asked for the deadline to be brought forward."
"What? Can she do that?"
"Apparently so." He rolled his eyes. "They have given us until close of business on Monday. No buyer, no future for SIP."
My insides twisted at what he was saying.
In less than 72 hours I could be unemployed. SIP will cease to exist and I will be back at square one, searching for another job I love as much as this one.
I felt like bursting into tears.
I'm getting married in six weeks.
I'm pregnant.
This is supposed to be a happy time in my life.
"I don't know what else I can do," Mark hummed. He threw up his hands in despair. "I've approached every publisher in the country. I've tried to get a loan. Nothing has worked."
"Mark…" I shook my head. "But that means…"
He reached across my desk and grabbed my hand.
"Try not to worry," he urged. I was about to protest when he silenced me by squeezing my fingers. "I've got something lined up for you."
"What?"
"I know someone over at Harlequin," he revealed, lowering his voice despite the fact my office door was shut. "She can make space for you. I'm not going to lie to you, she came by your name because of an article about Christian. But she's interested in stealing you."
"She is?"
"We came to an agreement that if SIP goes under, she'll take you on," he explained. "Granted, it's a lower position that what you have here. It's less money, too. But it's a job."
I frowned, thinking.
"But Harlequin don't have offices nearby, do they?"
He pouted. "No," he said. "It will be a remote position. You'll have to work from home and travel when necessary."
My stomach sank.
"I know it sucks but I couldn't let you leave here without options. Ana, you're talented and I see a lot of potential in you. I'll be damned if that goes to waste!"
While I was roused by his support and care, I couldn't shake the sadness rippling through me.
"Have you got a job lined up?"
He scrunched up his nose and slowly shook his head.
"I'll be on the scrap heap until I can get another senior role," he said. "I'm overqualified and publishers won't even entertain the idea of taking me on for a junior position. I'm trapped, so to speak."
"Oh, Mark…"
"Hey, it'll be alright," he shrugged. "So what if Harry and I have to move? The idea of relocating doesn't bother us. It'll put our plans for getting hitched and adopting on hold, but it is what it is."
Mark pulled my hand up to his mouth and kissed it.
"Chin up, buttercup," he smiled. "The only thing we can do now is pray for a miracle but prepare for the inevitable."
He gave me one of his cheeky smiles, but it didn't reach his eyes. He let go of my hand and left my office, a shadow of the man I know he is.
I slumped back in my chair and pushed my hands through my hair.
I have no choice. I have to do it.
The idea had always been in the back of my mind, I couldn't deny that, but until recently I hadn't genuinely contemplated the thought of asking for Christian's help. I knew that would always be the last resort. Not because he wouldn't offer his help – Christian would do it in a heartbeat – but because I didn't want to rely on him. He is my partner, not my boss.
If there is anything I have learned, however, it is that sometimes it is okay to rely on someone. Especially someone you trust implicitly.
And that time is now.
I picked up the phone on my desk and dialled Christian's office. He answered instantly, his deep voice tickling my ear.
"Hey baby, you okay?"
"No," I breathed out quickly. "I'm freaking out."
"What's wrong?" His tone shifted, his words growing tight. "Is something wrong with the baby?"
"It's not that," I replied. "It's work."
"What do you mean?"
"SIP. It's finished." A lump formed in my throat and with it came tears stinging the backs of my eyes. "They're going to close the place down and I'm going to lose my job and I really love my job…"
"Ana, take a breath," he urged. "Calm down and let me understand what's happening."
"I can't calm down," I sniffed hard. "They won't wait any longer to get a buyer and there has been no interest whatsoever. And even if a miracle happens and someone decides to buy us out last second, who the hell is going to want to keep a pregnant woman on the team? I'll be straight out the door and then where will I be?"
"Ana."
He said my name clearly and firmly, bringing me to a stop. I hadn't even realised I was pacing my office until my feet ground to a halt.
"Count to five," he ordered. He said the numbers slowly and I exhaled. "Better. It's not good for you to get worked up. It's not healthy."
"I know," I whispered.
"Now, what do you want me to do?"
I swallowed past the concrete in my throat.
"Mark can get a loan but it's not enough," I explained. "And I wouldn't be able to get a loan to even scratch the surface of what we'd needed."
"Okay."
"I know I have no right to ask you, especially when all I've nagged you about is staying out of my work life."
"Go on."
"But I really need my knight in shining armour now," I squeaked. "Please help me."
I heard shuffling on his side of the call.
"Give me fifteen minutes," he answered. "Let me wrap a few things up here and I'll come straight over."
"Thank you."
"No, thank you," he retorted. "For trusting me enough to come to me when you need help. Asking for help – any help, from anyone – is a huge fucking deal. I am proud of you."
"I love you."
"I love you too. Now sit down, take some deep breaths and have a cup of tea. I'll be there soon, I promise."
