What the hell just happened? the words repeat in my head as the elevator descends to the parking garage. Taylor steps out when the door slides open, but I'm stuck in place, the image of Leila on her knees, hands on her lap, Christian... I shake my head as the tears continue and swipe under my eyes, the taste of metallic breaks through my thoughts when I realise, I was biting my lip so hard it's bleeding

"Could I have a second Taylor? Please?" I ask as I clear my throat, unable to meet his eyes.

"of course, miss Steele, I'll bring the car around" his voice is low, calm, like he's trying not to startle me, I lift my head in time to see him turn and disappear.

What just happened? My tears have finally stopped and before I realise what I'm doing I'm back in the elevator, punching in the code for Christians apartment.

I take a few deep breathes and squeeze my fist shut to stop the shaking,

What do you have that I don't? Leila's words repeat in my head as the elevator halts to a stop and the doors slide open

Master is dark

I'm more Confused than ever as I walk slowly into the apartment, it's quiet, too quiet, the only sound coming from Christians office, my anger rises as I stalk toward the door but voices inside halt me

"HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET IN THE APARTMENT?" Christians voice booms, a slit in the doorway lets me look inside to see sawyer standing in front of Christians desk as he grabs a paper weight and slams it against the wall

"you and Prescott take Leila to the hospital and stay with her until I get there, you do not take your eyes off her am I understood?" With a quick nod sawyer moves toward the door

Shit I sprint for the kitchen as he leaves his office and moves through the apartment

"Miss Steele" Taylor appears nearly giving me a heart attack

"Mr grey had strict instructions I was to take you home" he gives me a pointed look which I return

"I don't care what he wants Taylor, I need to know what's going on and your not going to tell me, just give me a few minutes? please" I ask

His lips press into a hard line as he reluctantly nods, and I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding

"Thank you Taylor" I feel the tears coming but shake my head stop crying Steele, I move toward Christians office when Taylor moves away and take a deep breath

"El She could have hurt Ana or worse ... What the fuck am I going to do, Its like things are finally good then this has to happen and fuck everything up"

I push open the door and close it behind me as he looks up, his eyes widen when he sees its me then lower to slits

"I'll call you later" he slams his phone on his desk and rises to his feet

"I told you to go" he growls, his voice low, causing the hairs on my neck to stand to attention is he serious I can't help but get angry at his tone as he rises from his seat

"Taylor!" he shouts as he moves toward the door, but I step in front of it and press my hand to his chest taking a few steps forward

"No, you can't just tell me to leave when you feel like it, I'm not some child you have to protect from whatever bullshit that's come back to haunt you, because that…" I point toward the great room "was a shit show, someone from your past or present just pointed a gun at my head and your first instinct is to send me away to what? Protect her? Me? Because I am really fucking mad right now, so I'd suggest you start talking" we're now chest to chest

"Your mad?" He tugs at his hair as he paces the length of his office, his fist punching a hole through the dry wall

I flinch at his actions but don't move from my spot you don't scare me grey

"You really think punching things is going to help" his expression makes me think that's the last thing I should have said but I don't really care

"Where's leila" I ask

His jaw clenches at the question as he slides his bleeding hands in his pockets, after a minute of silence I throw my hands in the air

"Fine, you don't want to talk" I feel his eyes on me as I drop into a chair in front of his desk and cross my legs, I slide my heels off and wait, I can feel his eyes drilling a hole in the back of my head as he moves, taking a seat behind his desk. The throbbing in my head makes it hard to concentrate so I take a deep breath

"Are you just going to say nothing" when all he does is stare, I stand and move behind his desk, his eyes following me like if he looks away I'll vanish

"Christian" I'm not sure how to handle him when he's like this so I kneel in front of him and grab his hands, entwining our fingers

"please talk to me"

Silence

"I know your scared, so was I but you shutting me out isn't going to help anyone" when he doesn't say anything I drop my head forward why are you making this so hard grey, when I move to pull away I feel his grip tighten on my hand

"Stand Ana, I don't want you...like this" he nods toward my kneeling form, his voice faltering as he tugs my hand and before I know it, I'm in his lap, his arms circling my waist

"I'm not a good person Ana" he mumbles into my hair as he holds me tightly "I don't deserve you" I wrap my arms around him and let my eyes fall shut

"Christian" i pull away, holding his face in my hands, meeting his eyes,

"Where is Leila?" I hold my breath as his body stiffens

"the security team were holding her in their office, Sawyer and Prescott are taking her to the hospital" he finally answers and I breath relieved, my heart is beating so fast I feel like I could puke at any second,

"I have to tell you something" he says hesitantly, his grip tightening on my waist "and it might change everything" his eyes hold a look in them I've only seen once before, when Leila was pointing at gun a us. Uh oh

"Have you ever heard of bdsm?" he asks quietly, I nod

"Bondage, domination, sadism and masochism right?" I ask and he nods

"When I was younger, I was a very angry person, being moved from Foster home to foster home until Grace found me, made me resentful of everyone and everything until she saved me, but as a teen I was constantly fighting and getting Into trouble at school, the drinking and smoking didn't help either but I couldn't stop, grace tried to help but I was too far gone, I was a complete fuck up, Elena..." He pauses "introduced me to a lifestyle, taught me how to deal with my anger, gave me outlet"

"So, you and her used to..." I raise my eyebrows and he has the grace to look embarrassed "Yeah" he nods

The tequila from earlier is looking to make an appearance and I take a deep breath "how long were you two together?" I ask almost scared

"Four years" his hand rubs my back in circles and my stomach rolls at the thought of Elena anywhere near him

"Your relationship with Elena... when did it start?" he presses his lips to my shoulder as he plays with the ends of my hair

"when I was 15" he answers, his eyes trained on my lap oh shit I fight the urge to gag but it's too late here comes the tequila I'm out of his lap and just make it to the bathroom in time for the contents of my stomach to reappear

Fuuuuuck my chest burns and tears spring to my eyes as I dry heave and try to catch my breath 15? He was just a kid

Christians beside me in matter of seconds holding my hair back as I heave into the toilet and feel his hand on my back

I shake my head as Tears spill down my cheeks "do you still need it?" I ask wiping my mouth with the back of my hand

"Need what?" He frowns brushing my hair behind my ear

"The lifestyle…" I ask meeting his eyes "the domination? Submission? Do you still need it?"