Hi, guys! Here's this week's chapter. You'll probably going to hate me, because of the major character death here.
"How can you be so stupid!?" Benny rages at me "You've been reckless and it could've killed you!"
"Are you done?" I ask and roll my eyes "I heard you the first hundred times you said that."
Benny's jaw clenches and he gives me a death glare. To be honest, I've never seen him like this before. He's so angry with me and I know he has every right to be, but keep telling me one and the same thing over and over again won't change the facts. The simple truth is I didn't believe the djinn would be that stupid to come back to the crime scene, where the police found the drained bodies. It turned out the stupid one was me, because even though I had the silver knife dipped in the lamb blood, the monster caught me off guard and by surprise.
I try to get comfortable in the car seat but it's useless. I sigh and stare out of the window as Benny speeds up down the road. I regret the fact we didn't take my car but I just didn't want to argue with him for something so minor. I shake my head. Right now it's pointless to argue with Benny. I have to let him get all of his anger out before I can speak to him reasonably. I know he's mad because he cares but the last two days, since he saved me from the djinn, he's been acting so angrily, I am fed up with his behavior.
"You're too emotional and one day your feelings will get you killed" Benny says with stern face
"Stop treating me as a child, Benny! I can take care of myself!" I finally bark back at him "I'm a hunter and I know what I'm doing! Yes, it's dangerous and yes, the chances of getting killed are high! I know that and I've accepted it long ago. I know how to do my job and I'm good at it. So, please stop acting like a douche and be my friend again!"
"Don't flatter yourself!" the vampire scoffs but I can see the smile in his eyes "I wasn't worried about you. I was worried what Dean would do to me if something happened to you on my watch"
"Yeah, right" I laugh but become serious "Which reminds me, why the hell are you answering him? I mean, he snaps his fingers and what? You run after him"
"He's a brother, Braeden"
"Yeah" I scoff at him "The brother who let you down."
"Braeden…" Benny deeply sighs and casts me a glance "As time passed by I learned something important. There are people we care about and we're ready to do everything for them. But this doesn't mean they're ready to do the same for us."
"That's unfair" I mutter and cross my arms
"It's life, sweetheart" Benny chuckles with a grim face and gently rubs my shoulder "Now try to get some sleep, it's going to be a long drive"
I nod and doing my best to ignore the panic rising in me at the thought of sleep and the nightmares that are haunting my dreams, I lean my head against the cold window and close eyes.
"Say that again?" I lean forward, finding it hard to believe the mess the Winchesters are at right now "The second trial is to save an innocent soul from Hell and Sam went through Purgatory right into Crowley's hands to save my father?" when Dean nods in confirmation, I continue "And Ajay's dead and Sam and Bobby have no way of coming back?" I shake my head "Well done, Dean. Real smooth on this one"
"Braeden!" Benny says and I hear the warning in his voice "The only reason I took you with me is because you promised to behave yourself. So behave!"
I shoot him a death glare but silently nod at him. I don't feel pretty comfortable around Dean. But he doesn't look well. He's worried sick and tired. He looks so exhausted and my heart aches for him, but I'm still mad at him. I don't forgive easy. And now I'm even angrier with him. How can he and Sam start the trials without knowing all of them, without being sure what this will require of them? How can they be so stupid!? And this reminds me of Kevin. I want to wring his neck. Why didn't he tell me Sam started the trials?! But right now all this anger is pointless.
I shake my head and turn my back to Dean and Benny and look around. I know this place pretty well – the old graffiti'd alley. From here Ajay, he was a Reaper who went rogue long ago, sent me in Purgatory when I needed to find Cas and Dean. The only reason we didn't get back with his help was because we got in a fight with some Leviathans so we were late for the arranged time and Ajay wasn't there to bring us back. Back then I was so grateful to learn Benny knew another way out of Purgatory. So we used the portal… And here I am, about an year and a half later on the same spot that brought me to know Benny. Now with Ajay dead I'm not sure Sam and Bobby have a chance in Purgatory. We need to find a way of getting them out of there. Quickly. And then it hits me.
"No…" I mumble in shock and shake my head, and then turn to Dean "Please, tell me you didn't call Benny for the reason I think you called him"
Dean looks broken and I close my eyes. I'm right. Dean called Benny here to kill him. Listening to their conversation I know Benny will agree. Seeing Dean in such poor condition makes me realize it hasn't been easy for him to give up on Benny and some of my anger for him disappears. But hearing Benny saying he doesn't feel as his place is on this world… I thought I helped him to fit in, to feel happy and complete. But obviously I was wrong. Maybe I didn't try hard enough? Is it possible this to be my fault?
"Well, when you get back up here, we're gonna fix all that, okay?" Dean says and I hear the hope in his voice
"When I get back?" Benny asks and I feel anxiousness building inside me and I furrow my brows
"Yeah" Dean nods "you find the portal, and your ride out of Purgatory with Sam just like you did with me, okay? As soon as I send you back, I'm gonna haul my ass up to Maine, and I'm gonna be waiting there for you when you get topside."
I feel a bit of relieve hearing Dean will be there for all of them, waiting, ready to help.
"Leech, I'll be there, too" I say and shrug, trying to ignore my worry
"Yeah." Benny agrees "That sounds like a plan." then he hesitates for a second "Dean, just give me a minute"
Benny comes closer to me, his tall fit body hovering me so I tilt my head back to look him at his blue eyes.
"Be careful, okay" I ask him quietly and cup his cheek
"Promise" he chuckles darkly and suddenly leans forward, kissing me – it's deep and emotional, making me lose my breath – and then he pulls away "I wanted to do this for a long time"
I can feel Dean eyeing us but right now I can't care less. Benny took me by surprise and I'm not sure why he kissed me.
"Let's get on with it" Benny says confidently stepping away from me
"You sure about this?" Dean asks
"Not my first rodeo, man." Benny nods firmly
Dean reaches into the Impala and pulls out a machete. He and Benny shake hands and all of a sudden they hug each other – a strong brotherly hug.
"Thank you" Dean says as they pull apart
"Well, come on." Benny snaps "You a wimp?"
I turn my head away; I don't want to see this. But I hear it. And I have to pull all my strength not to let my emotions rule over me. Benny's dead, shot straight to Purgatory.
I follow the Impala, driving Benny's camper. The drive to Maine is long and I'm grateful I don't have to spend it with Dean. I'm too emotional to act reasonable and it's for the best I'm alone right now, just driving after Dean, trying to calm down and put my feelings into order. Ignoring the nasty feeling of worry, I turn off the radio. Right now even music makes me nervous. I keep telling myself my intuition's wrong and everything's going to be fine.
With a sigh I speed up to catch up with Dean. I feel anger boiling inside me. Once again, it's the Winchesters who are there for Bobby, not his own daughter. I feel betrayed and I'm ashamed. I am the one that's supposed to be there for Bobby but what was I doing? Living my life with Benny, trying to forget about Sam and Dean, the only family I've ever known. Dad will be really disappointed of me. I blink furiously trying to hold back my tears.
After couple of hours Dean and I leave the cars and step into the woods. We need to find the right place so we can meet Sam. The sullen silence between us is so thick it can be cut with a butter knife. I feel he's watching me, but I ignore him as I step among the trees. After a while we find the place. Now all we can do is wait. I lean against a tree and stare blankly in front of me. Dean sits on the ground, his back to another tree not so far from me. I can feel his eyes on me, studying, judging. With a sigh I drop myself to the ground and hug my knees.
Soon it darkens, the trees become mere silhouettes, and without the sun's warm rays, it's cold. I shiver. Then I look at Dean. There are dark circles under his eyes, his skin is pale and he looks so exhausted. He's worried, I know him well enough to read the signs through his stern posture. The anger, the urge to punch him have faded away, replaced by something else. And I am confused because I'm not sure I know what this something else is. I just want to go there hug him, give him comfort and get lost in his embrace. And I'm scared in the same time, this strange feeling of insecurity and the damn butterflies in my stomach. I hiss in irritation and bury my face in my hands.
"You okay?" Dean asks, hesitation in his voice
"I'm fine" I grow through my fingers and sigh; then I look at him with a crook smile "I'm just nervous"
"They'll be back soon" he tries to reassure me
"Yeah, I know. I just…" I shake my head
"What?" Dean insists "Still angry with me?"
I look at him and shake my head. I'm not angry with him, I'm angry with myself because my messed up emotions are the last thing I need right now. Because, as always, when I left the boys, I was guided by my feelings, forgetting about reason. It was stupid decision, taken on a whim. Maybe if I had stayed, I would have come out with a solution that wouldn't force me to choose between Benny and the Winchesters. I can't turn back on my family. But the problem is they are all my family. They are all I have left. I can' lose neither of them. I look Dean straight into his amazing green eyes, ready to give him my answer.
"I'm not angry with you, Dean" I shrug and sigh "I just wish things were different"
'I know…"
Suddenly there's a bright flash of light and Sam is there. Dean and I jump on our feet and rush to him. Dean grabs him into a hug and I smile.
"Okay" I clasp my hands, making the brothers look at me "Let's get this done" Sam turns his eyes to me and I feel something bad has happened in Purgatory. "Keep the bad news for later" I say and motion for him to free Bobby "Finish the trial first"
Sam silently nods and, knife in hand, pulls up his jacket sleeve.
"Solvo haec phantasmata in terram…" he says the incantation, cutting himself in the process "et inde ad olympum"
I stare at him as his arm glows in yellow and red under his skin. Sam holds his arm up and the light, now whitely bluish, rises up into the sky. I smile as I watch my father's soul. In Heaven he'll get his well deserved peace. After couple of seconds it's gone. I sigh. It's done. Sam just finished the second trial. I look at him as he pulls a sheet of paper out of his pocket. I can't see what is written on it but I can bet it's in enochian.
"Kah-nuh-ahm-dahr" Sam reads and suddenly grabs his right hand and falls to his knees, he's in pain
"Sam!" both Dean and I call as we kneel next to him
I see his hand and my eyes widen. It looks like it's burning on the inside, yellow and orange flashing through his skin. Sam tightens his fingers into a fist and the burning light fades. I look over to Dean. He looks as shocked and worried as I feel.
"Sam?" he grabs his brother's shoulder "What? Talk to me! What?!"
"It's okay!" Sam says, still pale from the experienced pain "It's okay. I'm fine. It's done. It's done."
"You sure?" I ask and help him up on his feet and when he nods, I continue "Let's get Benny back then"
"About that…" Sam starts hesitantly and deep down in my heart I know what he's about to say
"No" I shake my head and take a step back "No!"
"What?" Dean insists
"Braeden, I'm so sorry" Sam looks pleadingly at me and then turns to his brother "Dean, look… Benny, uh... He got us out." he explains and I feel tears filling my eyes "A bunch of vamps showed, and he used himself as bait." Sam looks at me, pity in his eyes "I get the feeling that even if that didn't happen, he didn't want to come back, you know? I'm sorry."
"No." I take a deep breath, trying to calm down "No!"
Then I remember the kiss. It's been his way to say goodbye. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. Back then he knew he wouldn't make it back, he had decided not to come back. I inhale sharply, trying to control the waves of emotional pain that are washing over me, one after another. He chose to leave me. I have a headache, feeling as my head is going to explode. I feel sick. I look through teary eyes the boys who are really shocked by my reaction. Hell, I'm surprised by it. I quickly make few steps away from them and lean into two, throwing up, gagging and coughing.
"Hey, hey" Dean quickly holds my hair away and gently rubs my back "Just breathe"
I look at him and I can see the pain all over his face. I can't take it anymore and throw myself on his neck, crying. I feel as he wraps his hands around me, holding me tight. All I can do is let him try to comfort me, whispering soothing words that I'm too upset to understand. I try to suppress my sobs and whimpers but it's pointless. I just can't control myself. Dean gently guides me to the Impala where he puts me in the back seat. He and Sam silently take their seats and we drive off. After a while my tears stop but I feel like a total wreck. The roaring of the engine makes me sleepy and even though I try to fight it, I doze off. The last thought I have before the sleep consumes me completely is that I'll definitely have nightmares.
Okay... how do you like the story so far? Do you hate me for killing off Benny? I did it because he was just standing on the way to getting Dean and Braeden's relationship to the next level, which for me is the end game here. So, please, drop me a review and tell me what you think.
