Hi, guys :) Hope you had a nice week. Here's the next chapter, enjoy :)
Dean doesn't let me check on him until I have patched up Sam. The little Winchester has been thrown out through a window and has a lot of little pieces of glass stuck all over his left shoulder and back. I make him sit on one of the chairs in the library and I help him take his jacket and shirt off and then carefully start pulling the glass shreds out of him with pincers. It's pretty bad, he looks like a hedgehog with all of this glass sticking out of him. From time to time he hisses in pain and I tremble – the last thing I want is to hurt him – otherwise he endures the procedure in complete silence. He looks really tired, dark circles around his eyes and his skin is really pale. I hope after a nice sleep he'll recover from the hunt. After eternity of pulling out glass out of his skin, I take the bottle of booze I have prepared and start cleaning the little wounds. He groans in pain when the liquid burns his fresh cuts.
"Sorry" I say "But you'll live"
"I know" he reassures me with a crook smile, trying to suppress a cough "Don't worry"
"But I do" I shake my head and stand in front of him to see his bruised face; there's a cut on his cheek bone "I should've come with you"
"Braeden, look at me" Sam insists and I meet his hazel eyes "This is not your fault"
"But if I had…"
"No" he cuts me off "This is not on you"
"Right" I scowl as I clean his wound "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure" Sam immediately agrees
"Why aren't you mad at me?"
"What?" he looks puzzled "For what?"
"I left to go help Benny. I just left you and Dean. I bailed on you and acted like a bitch…"
"No, no…" Sam shakes his head "You know what? I get it. I do. He's a... He's a little different from what I thought."
"Really?" I arch my brows trying to suppress my sarcasm and put a plaster on his cheek bone
"Yeah… He's a…" he just shrugs "He means a lot to you and I can't blame you for caring about him"
"Even though he's a vampire?"
"That made me think about Amy. And you were right. I should have trusted you and Dean about Benny. You left because you were trying to protect him, to help him"
"Yeah, I guess" I look at him "I chose him over Dean and you. But he's my family, too. And he really needed help…" I shake my head "I'm so sorry. For everything."
"It's okay" Sam reassures me and pulls me into a bear hug
It takes me by surprise but I relax in his embrace. I close my eyes and hug him back, wrapping my hands around his neck. I wince as my cut arm presses against him. It makes me pull away and realize Dean's not here with us.
"Where's your brother?" I ask, nasty feeling in my stomach
"Probably went for a beer"
He's for a beer. In the kitchen. My eyes widen. In the kitchen, the sink, the bloodied knife I've forgotten about. Damn it! I quickly send Sam to go to bed and he leaves me with a smile. Then I rush into the kitchen only to find Dean holding the knife, the blade still covered in my blood. I stop dead on the threshold, my eyes widened and panic rushing through my veins. Dean's face's stern, his jaw clenched, his eyes shining dangerously.
"Care to explain?" he asks harshly
"I… I…" I stammer trying to come with an explanation but I can't
I look to the ground, I know Dean's disappointed. If Bobby was here, he'd be disappointed of me, too. Hell, if I'm not a big disappointment to everyone. I can't do anything right. I'm pathetic and weak. Everything I've done lately is just… I only cause troubles, making the boys worry about me, as if they don't already have enough worries on their heads. I feel tears filling my eyes and blink furiously trying to hold them back.
"Braeden" Dean's voice is softer now, sounding tired
I raise my eyes and just shake my head.
"I'm sorry" I whisper "It just happened"
"Let me see" he insists so I reach my left arm to him, pulling the sleeve up
"I bandaged it" I mutter
"Have you done this before?" he asks, eyeing me carefully
"No. I never planned this. I just…" I look to him and realize his condition so I pull away my hand from him "We'll talk about this later" I say, all serious, ignoring all of my feelings accept my worry for him "First, I'll patch you up"
"Braeden…" there's a warning in his voice
"Oh, c'mon" I roll my eyes "I'll patch you up, meanwhile we can talk."
I grab the aid kit from the library and go back to the kitchen where I make Dean sit. His lips are split, he has a black eye and by the way he carefully moves around I guess there are more injuries over his body. Then I notice the huge blood stain, that is hard to see due to his dark shirt, on the left side of his ribs.
"What's the damage?" I ask putting the kit on the table, next to him
"Just a cut. Maybe needs stitches" he shrugs and trembles in pain
"Don't move" I order and take scissors and cut his shirt so he won't have to move and try to take it off by himself; it's a nasty wound and he's right – it needs stitches and I kneel next to him
I take the bottle of booze and without any warning just pour it out over his wound.
"Son of a bitch!" Dean curses with a hiss
"Don't be a baby" I cut him off and he chuckles "What?"
"You're so much like Bobby" he says, sad look on his face
"Yeah, right…" I mutter as I thread the needle "I'm his daughter, after all"
I push the needle trough his flesh and Dean trembles. It's a long gash and it's going to take a while to stitch it.
"So about this knife in the sink…" Dean trails off as I continue my work "Did you hurt yourself on purpose?"
"Yes" I sigh knowing he won't just drop it
"Want to talk about it?" he pushes further but I'm my father's daughter
"And what?" I snap "Cry on your shoulder? No, thanks"
Dean shakes his head and I raise my eyes to look at him. His face's dark, serious, and he's wrapped in his thoughts. His brows are furrowed and his jaw clenched in this worried expression I know too well.
"What's wrong?" I ask and go back to my work aware of the fact he'll be as reluctant to talk as I was about my self-harm.
"It's Sam" he says and I can hear the pain in his voice
"What about him?" I furrow my brows
"You haven't noticed?" Dean asks puzzled, hurt of my ignorance
I wasn't myself the last couple of weeks, I want to point out. But that isn't an excuse for my indifference to everything. I furrow my brows, trying to remember everything about Sam. And then it comes to me – he's often coughing, he's looking exhausted all the time, he's pale with dark circle under his eyes, he looks weak…
"Is it because of the trials?" I ask in concern, looking up to Dean
"After the second one he's worse than before." He shakes his head "These trials… they are doing something to him… He almost got himself killed on the last hunt"
"They are making him sick, don't they?" I ask quietly while carefully stitching the gash
"Yes" he sighs and his chest rises
"Don't move, it's almost ready" I snap at him, then offer "Cas might help"
"He said it's even beyond his powers to heal him"
"But he can try" I insist, trying to ignore the worry I feel
Anxiousness is building inside me. I should have been more careful, paying more attention to the boys. If I don't look after them who else's going to do it? For sure it's not going to be them. I clench my jaw. It's my job to take care of them. And for now I have been miserably failing in doing so. It's pointless to underline to Dean that if they've waited for Kevin to first translate all the trials, there was a chance for Sam to be better. It's so in the Winchesters' style to just jump in, without thinking of the outlook of the consequences. It's my fault for not being by their side. I promise myself to do everything I can from now on to protect them and take care for them. After all, they are the only family I have left.
"I'm not even sure where Cas is right now" Dean's words snap me out of my thoughts
"But I do know" I say
"What?" Dean asks in disbelieve "How?"
I quickly explain to him how Cas and Meg showed literally on my doorstep with the angel tablet and that I helped them lay low, but I don't mention where they're hiding. I put the needle away and rise on my feet to bandage the wound. I carefully wrap the roller around his chest.
"So you know where the tablet is, right? And Cas?" Dean asks and his breath tickles me, we're so close to one another
"Cas hid the tablet" I say trying to ignore the fluttering feeling inside me due to Dean's closeness "Only he knows where it is. I made sure of that"
Dean nods in understanding and I realize I have stopped bandaging him and I'm just staring at him. His green eyes are watching me, burning me; I have the feeling his glare can reach down to the very bottom of my soul and I feel exposed. But I don't care. The blood is racing through my veins and all I want to do is just kiss him, wrap my hands around him and take away all his worries. I know how concerned he's for Sam, he feels responsible for his little brother and the fact he doesn't know how to help him is eating him on the inside. He's probably really desperate, not sure what to do. And I want to take that burden off of his shoulders. He's done so much already, he's sacrificed so much, lost so much… And I'll do everything to make sure he won't lose his brother. I bite my lips and look away, not sure what Dean has seen over my face. After all, I'm not good at hiding my emotions. I quickly finish the bandage. It's not the first time I bandage him, but this time is different. Because I'm aware of my feelings for him. And I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with them.
"We'll figure it out" I say to fill the silence between us, not daring to look to him, but I feel his gaze on me "I promise."
"Yeah, right…" Dean sighs and stands up
"Dean" I stand up with him, facing him; I cup his stubbly cheek "I mean it."
He leans into my touch, covering my hand with his warm palm. We're so close, his green eyes are piercing me and that fluttering feeling returns. My heart is bumping wildly and I fear he might hear it. I'm so happy to be this close to him and so scared at the same time. The feeling of having a crush on someone… One of the most powerful, yet terrifying emotions ever… We're just standing there, staring at each other in complete silence. His bare chest is mere inches from mine and his strong form is towering me. Dean carefully leans forward, a bit hesitant, and I wish I have the balls to kiss him. But I'm a coward. I quickly pull away and go to the sink, wetting a towel and trying to calm myself down.
"Come here" I call him and when he approaches me I carefully reach, cleaning his face
He closes his eyes and I smile, feeling free to stare at him as much as I want. As I gently clean him I'm careful with his bruised eye and split lips, I don't want to cause him pain. My heart aches for him. If only I could take away all of his pain and worries.
"You're ready" I whisper and he opens his eyes, staring down at me
"Thank you" he quietly says and I smile at him
"You're welcome" I raise on my toes and before I've lost my courage put a quick kiss on his cheek "Good night" I wish him and before he can say a thing, I rush out of the kitchen
I tried to make this chapter all about Braeden reconnecting with the boys and to add more emotions between her and Dean. Drop me a review and tell me how did it work. Wishing you all a nice relaxing weekend
