Hi, darlings! How's been your week? Probably busy and exhausting, like mine. Well, here's the new chapter that I hope will raise a bit your spirits :) Enjoy!
deadone1013 thanks for the review and be patient, the kiss is slowly comming :D
It's noisy and overcrowded, the music is loud and a lot of people are dancing. Dean's at the bar, chatting with the bartender – busty, blonde haired vision of long legs and tiny waist. She says something that makes Dean laugh and I scoff and roll my eyes. She's positioned herself in such a way that the hunter has direct view to her cleavage.
"If looks could kill…" Sam comments over his beer, trying to hide his smile, and I arch my brows at him, scowling
"Oh, shut up!" I warn him and take a huge sip of my beer, doing my best not to look at Dean's direction
My left side is numb, the pain slowly decreases as I continue to drink. Maybe I just have to get wasted. I look back at Dean and bite my lower lip. Then the bartender bends over the bar and he kisses her. I quickly look away. This is not something I want to witness. I take another sip of my beer. Part of me is dying, seeing him making out with someone else. But there is nothing I can do about it. This is a free country and he's a free man. Free to choose whoever he wishes to spend the night with. I might be in love with him but this doesn't mean he feels the same. And I have no right to blame him for wanting to have some fun. I huff in irritation.
"Why don't you just talk to him?" Sam asks but when he sees the dirty look on my face he decides to keep it quiet
If I want to, there are plenty of distractions around. And by distractions I mean men. But the problem is no one catches my eye. I stare at one man or another, but the need to go and flirt with them never appears. They are not ugly, quite the opposite – there are couple of attractive guys here. They even wink at me and provoke me to go there and talk with them. I just don't want to – and the only problem is they are not Dean. I sigh and finish my beer, then order another one. Sam and I sit in silence, sipping of our drinks. Then a thought creeps in my mind and I have to ask.
"Sam?"
"Yeah?" he answers but he looks distracted, as his mind is somewhere else
"Remember when you read Benny's letter and we talked about how I kissed him?"
"Yeah. What about it?" now I have Sam's full attention
"I said it hadn't meant anything." I furrow my brows at the memory "And you said it had for Dean…" I look at him "What did you mean? Why would he care?"
Sam sighs deeply and his eyes dart to his brother who's occupied with the bartender. Then Sam looks back at me. He's all serious, dark and sad expression over his face.
"Remember your prom date?" he asks and I look at him confused
Bobby insisted for me to have proper education, so I obediently graduated high school but I never had big dreams as Sam for college. All I ever wanted was to hunt, it was in my blood, in the way I grew up. It was everything I knew and a normal life never appealed to me. So I wonder what my prom date has to do with me and Dean… especially after he cheated on me.
"Ryan?" I ask in disgust "What about this piece of shit?"
"Bobby saw him as your way out" Sam explains and seeing my confusion, continues "Your way out of the hunting. Everybody knew how much head over hills you were for him so Bobby hoped he'd manage to get you out of the business, that you could start a normal apple pie life with him…"
"That's ridiculous!" I exclaim "I never wanted to quit hunting, I never wanted a normal life…"
"Bobby realized that a bit later…" Sam nods "But he wanted the best for you. So when he found out Dean wanted to ask you out, to be your prom date…"
"What?!" I stare at Sam in disbelieve "He wanted… what!?"
"He kinda had a crush on you" Sam tilts his head and takes a sip of his beer "But Bobby forbade him to go near you. Your father didn't want Dean to ruin your chance of happy life. Dean understood that and backed down, putting up with the thought that he'd never have a chance with you and that he'll always be like a brother to you. So he let you go"
I am in shock, it's hard to believe that Bobby told Dean to stay away from me. It's even harder to accept Dean had feelings for me – something I somehow totally missed to see. How hard it must have been for him… I look to the bar, he's still there talking to the bartender, probably waiting for her shift to be over. I feel jealousy bubbling inside me and I can only imagine how Dean felt seeing me with Ryan… How hard it must have been to give up on me when he had feelings for me… Well, I think darkly, now I have an idea, thanks to my feelings for him.
"How have I missed that?" I shake my head in confusion and look to Sam
"You know Dean" he chuckles "He's good at hiding his emotions. Too good, actually. Accept when you caught Ryan cheating on you"
"Really?" the only thing I remember is I spent hours locked in my room, crying "How so?"
"He was ready to kill him. I barely managed to stop him" Sam shakes his head "He was so pissed, I couldn't recognize him, I couldn't reason him, until Bobby showed up to see what all the fuss was about and told him that if he cared about you, he'd drop this and leave you alone"
"I can't imagine Bobby did this to him…" I feel sorry and pity for Dean, he never deserved such treatment, never "How hard it must have been for him to give up…"
"He never did" Sam cuts me off
"What?"
"He never gave up on you, Braeden" Sam looks at me seriously "After Ryan he never spoke about his feelings for you again. Never. But I know my brother. Even after Cassie and Lisa… he never forgot you. He might not talk about this but…" Sam shrugs "He's my brother and I know him. I see how he looks at you and now that lately I see you look back at him in the same way…"
"He… he still has feelings for me?" I bashfully ask "After all this years? After seeing me going out with so many guys I can't even count them?!"
After Ryan I gave up on men. Men, not sex. I didn't want anything serious, not that my lifestyle allowed it. No strings attached, only one night stands. For years. The closest thing I had to relationship was with a guy from Nevada. I saved his ass from a werewolf and we hooked up. So when I was in the neighborhood, I stopped by to see him. Until one day he opened the door for me only to tell me he had a fiancé and that I had to go. I just shrugged it off and walked away. I couldn't expect him to wait for me, he was a nice guy and he deserved happy life. Then, a couple of years later, there was Benny who got to know me better than myself… And now Dean, the first man I am really in love with… It's hard to believe that he harvests any feelings for me, after so many one night stands, mine and his… but who knows, might as well Sam be right. I shake my head.
"You must talk to him" Sam pushes
"Yeah" I agree and cast a glance at Dean at the bar but then I see the bartender "But not right now. Plus" I shrug "I have to be completely sober for this conversation"
"And now you're not?" Sam raises his brows, his hazel eyes full of amusement
"This" I point to the bottle in front of me and giggle "Is my third beer, how do you think?"
"You can't be drunk only from three beers" Sam shakes his head
Actually, I can. When I'm tired and haven't slept in days because I do my best to avoid the nightmares, three beers is definitely an amount of booze that can get me drunk. But that's not information that I can share with Sam.
"Who's drunk?" Dean's voice startles me and I look at him
"No one" I reply too quickly but he doesn't pay that much attention, not like Sam who smirks
"Are you two ready to go?" Dean asks and puts some bills on the table for the check
"Yeah" I shrug, ignoring the triumph I feel for he's coming with us to the motel, no women, no nothing "Fine with me"
"Let's go" Sam casts me a meaningful glance and behind Dean's back I pull him a face, hoping he'll just let me be but I doubt I'd be that lucky.
So how's the chapter? Please, review and tell me what you think. Wishing you all nice and relaxing weekend! :)
