Hello! Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews, they always make me smile when I read them. This chapter was originally over 2,000 words long, but considering the content of the chapter and how long it was - while proof-reading it seemed to drag on. Therefore, I have split it into two shorter chapters, and the next one should be posted in a couple of days, I just need to finalise some things and check it a bit more. I hope you like this chapter!
Shattered: Chapter 6
"I get up and pace the room, as if I can leave my guilt behind me. But it tracks me as I walk, an ugly shadow made by myself." - Rosamund Lupton, Sister
Saturday, 18 October 2014
"Are you sure you're ready, Nibbles?" Cal asked seriously as he pulled up in the hospital car park. His brother had been oddly quiet the entire way to the hospital - and considering it was his first day back - Cal could only assume it was nerves. After all, Ethan hadn't stepped back into the ED after coming in as apatient from an awful accident. Cal knew he would find it nerve-wracking.
"I'm ready, Cal," he reassured his brother, "I wouldn't come back if I wasn't ready."
Cal wanted to take his brother's word for it, but the tremor in Ethan's hands spoke volumes about what the younger man was feeling, "alright, but if you want to take a break or a breather, just tell me - alright?"
Ethan laughed, "I wish you'd stop worrying, Cal. It's been non-stop since I came home."
Cal felt a little ashamed, "yes, well... you're my brother. I have the right to be worried."
"Worried is one word for it, yes."
Cal pretended to look offended, "what would you call it then, dearest brother of mine?"
"Mollycoddling," he proposed.
"Mollycoddling?"
Ethan smirked, "yes. Mollycoddling," and he opened the car door, smiling at Cal again, before stepping out.
Cal rolled his eyes at his brother and stepped out too, taking in a deep breath and praying for everything to go alright for Ethan. He hadn't forgotten about being woken by whimpering and shouting nearly every night in the week leading up to Ethan returning to work. Not that Ethan knew about this, of course. Cal didn't want to... mollycoddle him.
"Ready?" Cal asked again.
"Yes, Cal," his brother laughed. "Let's go." Ethan stepped forward, but turned around after noticing Cal staying by the car. "Come on, then."
"Actually, I'm not coming in for a bit," Cal told Ethan, not missing the momentary look of fear that flickered on Ethan's face.
"Why?"
"I'm stopping by the ward Owen's on," said Cal.
"Owen?"
"Owen Crimson, remember? Guy from the scaffolding accident a couple of weeks ago?" Ethan nodded. "Well, he's getting discharged later today, and I thought I'd pop by one last time - give him my best wishes."
Ethan looked skeptical. "This is nothing to do with his sister, is it?" he sighed.
"I'm offended, Ethan. I just care for a patient." Ethan raised his eyebrows at Cal. "And if his sister is there, then I'll see how she's doing too. I did treat the both of them. Who's to say Aero won't visit her brother again. She's been there whenever I've been there."
"Or you've been there whenever she's been there," Ethan picked out, and Cal shook his head.
"I am merely concerned about the well-being of a man that I like. If his sister is there, then I will obviously check on her too. They were both injured."
Ethan groaned.
"I'm not going to debate this with you, Eth. Just go in there - start your shift. I'll be there soon," and without another word, Cal walked off - not giving a second glance to his brother.
Why would he when it seemed Ethan didn't like to be... mollycoddled.
He was severely regretting returning to work as soon as he put one foot inside of the ED. As childish as it seemed, he retracted his foot almost instantly - wondering if he had to work. Maybe he could go back home and ring in sick? That didn't seem viable. He would have rung ages before his shift started as he usually did - it would seem suspicious if he suddenly rang during his shift. Anyway, he would have to get Cal to drive him back home. Getting back behind the wheel of a car didn't seem like an intelligent thing to do after last time, and he didn't trust anyone else but Cal to drive (so a taxi would be completely out of the question).
There was also the option of hiding away in the on-call room, but when Cal finished up on the ward, he would notice the absence of his brother. Even if Ethan stayed in the staffroom, Cal would find him and either convince him to go home (Cal driving him would mean getting Cal in trouble for going out on shift), or pursuading him to work.
Ethan didn't want Cal to worry, anyway. He'd done enough of that since Ethan returned home and wasn't being monitored by the nurses. As much as Ethan had warmed to the idea of having someone watch his back, Cal was a little too protective for his liking.
And now, a grown man was standing in a doorway, feet just outside to avoid stepping into his workplace, planning an escape route. He remembered doing that at school. He would linger just outside of the school gates, wondering if he could go somewhere else - or how he would escape in between lessons.
But this was work. This was how he lived. He relied on this money to survive.
He had to face up to it one day. He'd sat at home, dwelling on the day Ash died - figuring out what he could have done - how he could ever speak to anyone in the ED again - what he could say when he returned - how he could feel better about it all. Metaphorically speaking, he had a blank sheet of paper which was never filled up. He didn't know what to do, what to say, or how to say it.
"Right," he muttered to himself, placing one foot inside the doors (which weren't closing due to Ethan 'helpfully' standing in the way), "just one foot in front of the other." He placed another foot further inside, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. "One more step," he whispered, walking a little further in. "And another." This process continued until he was past the second set of doors. He didn't even get the chance to register the mass of people waiting to be seen, before he had an armful of Rita and Robyn. He awkwardly smiled and patted them on the back. He was never really one for hugs.
They let him go and he finally looked up, feeling his heartbeat pound in his ears as he saw Lofty, Max, Noel, and Charlie smile warmly at him. He didn't really know how to play this one. He smiled back, cheeks aching with the force of trying to mean the smile. Ethan closed his eyes momentarily and looked back up, saying a simple, "hello", before walking to the staffroom, hoping to avoid anything and anyone else.
There was one thing that was missing, though. On his way to the staffroom, he took note of the doctors and nurses on shift. There was one personmissing.
Dr Martin Ashford.
